Nez's journal

:: 2005 13 February :: 9.30pm

there are times when you get yourself so worked up over something that you say things you don't mean. we all know it happens, and this is not me trying to excuse myself from the things i wrote in the previous entry.

after getting all of those comments, i just went back and reread what i wrote and swear to god that i didnt even remember half the things i said because a lot of it was my rushing emotions talking, not me. i sounded like a pompous asshole. and for that i'm sorry. i didn't mean to pass judgement on anyone, especially people im friends with, and for that, im sorry too. because i dont even believe half of the things i wrote when im thinking straight.

gabi was right on target. i need to work on fixing what could potentially be wrong with me and her and not get so scared that i throw my problems and point fingers to other people. i put the entire weight of my fears on my other friends, and offended them in the process, and did so without even realizing this.

but all of this stems out of where she and i used to be, not even the drinking, but the fact that when we were little, it wasnt her and me, it was her and someone else. and i wanted to badly to be her best friend, to have the best friendship they had with eachother. but they would push me away and make fun of me, and be mean to me. and last year when i lost her this whole not being wanted thing resurfaced. you all have your siblings and other constants in your lives, but shes all i have. you know ur siblings will always be there for you, and thats who she is to me, but for me, i have the chance of losing her. and thats a scary reality.

im sorry to anyone i offended, you're all important to me, just remember that.

:: 2005 10 February :: 6.19pm

I'm pulling a Danielle here and putting what everyone had to say about me. They all made me so happy and really mean a lot to me. I want to have them if I decide to print this thing out...

From Lauren:
01. Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
gabi..what can i say. from the seely days, i feel like throughout everything-- we've watched eachother grow, and for that reason i value your opinion very much. you have such a big heart and i feel like you would never turn down an opportunity to help someone in need.
02. I will then tell what song reminds me of you.
mama- spice girls....uyy dont ask why, no clue!
03. Next, I will tell you who you remind me of, celebrity, animated or otherwise.
hmmm, an italiano mamma sita with a wooden spoon lol, i have such a great imagination
04. Last, I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
understanding
05. Put this in your journal.

From Danielle:
01. Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
theres so much i could say about you gabi, you're just such a good person. i dont think that ive ever seen you do anything to hurt or cause harm to anyone. i admire the way that you handle certain situations, and your ability to stay strong almost 100% of the time. you have a heart of gold, and i know that that quality is something every one of your friends treasures.
02. I will then tell what song reminds me of you.
anything rent or sic transit gloria because its the only song thats screamy that i have :)
03. Next, I will tell you who you remind me of, celebrity, animated or otherwise.
eleanor roosevelt, based on the soul reason that she said this quote which reminds me of you so much: "a woman is like a tea bag, you never know how strong she is until she gets herself into some hot water."
04. Last, I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
strong

From Erica:
01. Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
gabi is my favorite YENTA and listener. your my go to gal when i need a laugh, rant, hint of gossip, and when i have a secret to tell cuz you keep them best. everyone tells people that they are so glad they became friends w/ them, but to me, you are the epitome of this. My high school years wouldnt be the same w/out you.
02. I will then tell what song reminds me of you.
say you'll be there- Spice girls
03. Next, I will tell you who you remind me of, celebrity, animated or otherwise.
Betty Crocker, Mrs. Fields.. etc, that lady from the sat/sun night sex show, from this italian cartoon i watch (a really old lady whos always loses her pasta pot, and says things in a funnny italian accent)
04. Last, I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
realistic

From Hilary:
01. Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
gabss---since that day on the log at 6th grade camp i knew u were someone i wanted to get to know. ur suchh a special person, with a quick remark or comeback to almost anything. you dont let people tell u what u think and ur one of the most caring, supportive people i know. gotta agree with nez on this one--ur laugh is contagious and i love spending time with you cuz ur so fun to be around
02. I will then tell what song reminds me of you.
seasons of love is the obvsss choice here
03. Next, I will tell you who you remind me of, celebrity, animated or otherwise.
omg deff bridget jones best friend that says fuck a lot lol
04. Last, I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
loyal

From Neza:
01. Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
Gabi-you have always struck me as one of those people that's open-hearted, non-judgemental and at ease with everyone around you. Your laugh is contagious and your generosity is evident. You have a good head on your shoulders and good morals.
02. I will then tell what song reminds me of you.
Madonna- like a prayer
03. Next, I will tell you who you remind me of, celebrity, animated or otherwise.
julia roberts? i donno that kinda hits me
04. Last, I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
genuine

From Elizabeth:
1.Gabi- Ever since I moved here you've been one of the girls I wanted to be friends with. I got this great vibe from you right away. You're so mature for people our age. Whenever I'm around you i get this feeling of comfort. I like being around you, you're so sweet and good to people. You seem to know how to rise above stupid situations. You'e wise, you seem to know alot about life and whats going on around you. Your someone who seems completely comfortable in their own skin which is rare for a 15 year old. You've always been someone I looked up to and even though we're not as close as we were in 6th grade my love towards u hasnt faded
2.I'm not okay- My Chemical Romance, because we were all gonna go to the concert and you seem like a real dedicated fan(thnx for the comment on the icon btw i thought it was so fun!)
3.Gwenyth Paltrow
4. Poised

love you all<33

:: 2005 9 February :: 5.38pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: fool to think- dave matthews band

okay. you wanna play like this? we can play like this.
just keep it up. push me farther, closer and closer with every action you take, with everything you say, til i reach the edge until i explode. you like to flirt with boundaries dont you? you like to push buttons. you like to be the cause of tension. you like to make other people miserable- dont you?

just because you cant find a happy place for yourself doesnt mean you have to antagonize other people around you who have been fortunate enough to find theirs, or able enough to create one. i know its a form of comfort to see that other people are miserable, but why do you have to be the one to cause other people's problems? shouldnt that make you more upset at yourself, knowing that you're the cause of other people's problems for the sake of creating waves?

ooooooh what i wouldnt give to just go up to you and tell you what everyone thinks of you. what i wouldnt give to show you that the whole act you put on to cover up who you really are is totally transparent. everyone sees right through you. everyone knows you're fake. everyone knows that you talk behind peoples backs, mine included. how you manage to affect my life in this way is beyond me since you and i arent even close, but jesus, STEP BACK AND TAKE A LOOK AROUND ONCE AND A WHILE, because you could use some major adjustments.

:: 2005 8 February :: 5.46pm
:: Mood: angry

WORST DAY EVER.
for a number of reasons.

1. i do not care what anyone says, this school that we go to is not esteemed because of the teachers, its as awesome as it is because of the drive of the kids in it. and as far as im concerned, perlman can go fuck a dog in the ass and then burn in hell for the rest of time. i dont think that once this entire year ive ever sat in her class and learned something thats valuable to me when it comes time to take her awful, heartless tests. we had a test in there the other day and we got them back today, and theres nothing like having your teacher stand at the front of the room and yell at you because of how poorly everyone did on the tests, like it was our fault. "i'm so disappointed, these were horrible, i dont know what happened, you tests were all terrible, especially the ones where people got more right than wrong...." she went on forever, making everyone feel like we fucked it up, like she had no role in my failure, or anyone else's on this test. as if the fucking 45 on the test wasnt bad enough, she had to make a statment in front of the whole class about people who got more wrong than right. and even though the majority of the class doesnt know that i was in that category, i know...and she insulted ME when she said it. fucking bitch. and im sitting here now and all i can think of is erica's pin "oh mother, is it worth it?" and im feeling like the answer is no. NO. things arent supposed to work out like this. as much as i hate the typical edgemont "im going to fail" and then doesnt, i wish i were that person right now. the person everyone hates because they draw attention to themselves for saying things like that. i'd rather have that than be the one who actually did fail...and failed miserably. euro can kiss my ass and burn with mrs. perlman in hell for eternity.

2. who the fuck do some people think they are? do they do what they do to purposely create tension and irritate people? or are they actually as stupid and oblivious as they come off? there are obvious, clear things that will piss me off, and not necesarily stuff that only applies to me, stuff that would rub ANYONE the wrong way, so why would you go out of your way to shove something in my face to make me this frustrated? why would you come up to me and say something stupid, that would lower my spirits, and act like a totaly airheaded idiot? do you want me to be mad at you? because god knows that you get agitated easily and god forbid someone did something like this to you, you'd be just as frustrated as i am. sometimes people step over the line, and i hope that you know enough not to exaserbate the situation further by exceeding the limits you've already pushed. brie84b983g4823y498giugu89348923gh482g94g82g89WHATTHEFUCKAREUTHINKING?rieb79wgh9889h45hio4h5o3.

and thats enough of my rants for now. i had to get that out.
"cuz everybody knows you've got to breathe..."-dave matthews band

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:: 2005 3 February :: 7.01pm
:: Music: roll to me- del amitri

just some stuff.....
some things you know about me if you know me well:
1. i know what i want.
2. i know where i want to be and how i want to get there.
3. i know the type of people i like to be surrounded by.
4. i know what i believe in and i dont sell out those beliefs for anyone else.
5. i know myself. and i know myself damn well.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
....but sometimes i wish i just knew were i was supposed to end up. im all for the whole "you create where you're going, where you are, and where you end up" thing, but at the same time, i feel like theres a place where we're all destined to end up, and just having this idea back in the way back of my mind all the time, makes me wonder if sometimes the things i do, the things i say, the way i act or carry myself, is wrong, or is going to make me take a wrong turn. and this may be stupid and it may be a contradiction of myself, since what i said was that we all have a life thats been predetermined, im still always hesitant, thinking that what i do is going to mess up how things are "supposed" to be.

and then again, along the same lines as what i was just talking about, i wish that there would be some way to know whats going to happen. rreading through my past entries always makes me dig deep inside myself where i find stuff like these queries. i read one before where i had been mad at john for not hanging out with me, and the last part of that entry is about me finding someone, because theyre out there- around the next corner or a couple years down the road of life, i have no idea, but what i do know, is that theyre out there, and thats for sure. and its things like that, that i anxiously await, that i wish i could see the map of my life to find out how many more mistakes i have to make, how many more times i have to hurt myself, hurt other people, how many more wrong people there have to be before i find someone whos right. and i wish i could know if i were wasting my time on stupid nothings that will never amount to anything. i wish i could know if all this time ive been holding myself back for nothing, when i may have missed a sea of opportunities. and in that sea of opportunities, may have been what i was always looking for. but sitting here and going through every "what if" i can think of wont do me any good, because no matter how much i put my heart and my mind into the things i wish for, life is a mystery until you've lived it. presents and futures become pasts quicker than we realize. but like they say, a watched pot never boils, and sitting here waiting, wishing, drags seconds to minutes, minutes to hours, hours to days and days to eternities.

"life is a mystery until you've lived it."-----but my question is, how do you know if you're living it right?

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:: 2005 22 January :: 12.24am
:: Mood: rejuvenated

tonight was awesome. not only did i have a really great time, but i realized a lot about the people in our grade and about myself.

i remember when i was 3 years old, the first day i walked into scarsdale ballet and signed up for my first ballet class. i remember i picked out my leotard and my little skirt and my first pair of ballet shoes. i remember how i walked around my house and used to stand in front of the mirror in my parents' bedroom doing first and fifth position with my feet all the time. after that day, i took dance classes for 10 years, until i messed up one of my feet and i had to stop, and its nights like tonight that remind me of why dance was my passion---why dance IS my passion. i spent the entire night dancing my little heart out in my danielle fashion, and i just get this rush from it. i have such a great time. i wish i had just healed my foot when it happened and gone right back, but instead i just let it drag out, and every day that i let it drag out longer that i didnt dance i just became lazy and kind of let it sink into my past. and its nights like tonight that make me regret that so much, something that used to be one of the hugest parts of my life, something i enjoyed and used as my outlet for a lot of stuff---killed, all because of me. someday........

ALSO-

before i went tonight, i must admit i was kind of nervous that it was gunna be awkward for me. i felt kind of like the odd man out. there were mainly 2 groups of friends there tonight, jelkegs, and nekmek. and then there was me, and i was afraid i was going to be out of place between the 2 groups of such tight friends. i was actually nervous that i was going to be out of place. and for the first little bit of the party, i kind of felt the division, but as the night went on and as people danced and warmed up to eachother i found that we all just danced together in one huge group, no divisions, and no awkwardness. i was so impressed by this, that even though we divide ourselves with names and labels and circles of friends, when we're togetehr in a group, we're capable of acting like a whole. this was so comforting to me, and i loved that about tonight. i just had so much fun with people i wouldnt normall get to hang out with, and i really liked that.

i started to write this entry at 12 o clock and its now 1:40. whats wrong with me? and why am i even still up? gosh danielle, go to bed......signing off- dmlxoxo

crazychix143

:: 2004 11 August :: 9.48pm
:: Mood: quixotic
:: Music: Life is Good

WE R BACKKKKK
OMIGOSH hi

WE ARE BACK AND READY TO RUMBLE! BIATCH

QED

meredith is uncapable of manning the ims

"im very sorry to hard"

JUST KEEP SWIMMING JUST KEEP SWIMMING

DINNER GIRL..i MEAN DINER GIRL

MY SUMMER WAS FAIRLY AWESOMe AT NERD camp

mine wuz fairly uneventful at HOME

CA
aim died :-\ I HAVE TO BE LOGGED ON

UNAuTSHEUFIO

UHHH NOOO school is almost started

meredith has good grammar

thats why shes in honors EVERYTHING

oooohhh no we thought last yr was bad next year is gonna b INCONCEIVABLE

i LOVE finding nemo

ROSES SMELL LYK OO OO OO

the computer is too hyper

ITS SCARY cuz of the lightning and thunder

WE R playing dress up

it is soo fun

we r playing with the pom pom things

u cannot see my wristbands
-cheri

my glasses are funky
-meri

JON and KEVIN SU are my best friends

i am a cat
i have ears
AND a tail

that wassss nest NEST? LMFAO

we are SUPER cool and SUPER hyper and SUPER cool

SWEET

TOTALLY

DUDE

FIN...NOGGIN!!!!!!!

yes im a natural blue ;-)

i never realized that this is less shorter
-meri

hahahahahah

meri is playing the air keyboard

we took FAB pictures

FAB FAB-E FAB FAB

I m so jealous of the awesmoe hot asians frum CTY

CAN U HEAR US NOW

good

we're off!

CRaZy LoVe!* MeRi & ChERi

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:: 2005 13 January :: 10.19am

01. Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
02. I will then tell what song reminds me of you.
03. Next, I will tell you who you remind me of, celebrity, animated or otherwise.
04. Last, I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
05. Put this in your journal.

go for it biatches<3

1 Thoughts left... | Leave your thoughts..

:: 2005 10 January :: 6.19pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: sexual healing cover- ben harper and teh criminals

its ironic....
how just when something comes up once in life, within a short timespan, it becomes the focus of your mind and proves to be true. as i stated in my new years post, one of my most unique qualities is my endless amount of faith in the human race which i came to realize and learned to appreciate just 2 weeks ago. every time i lose all faith and respect for one person, a small amount of that faith just-shatters, and i realize that as you continuously get let down by people in life, you start to put a guard up around you because you've experienced this horrible side to people.

ive recently learned that one of the people i used to consider one of my closest friends has one of the most viscious horrible sides ive ever encountered....and the fact that i never knew up until this weekend makes this revaltaion hit me that much harder. its literally like someone just came up to me and took off the rose colored lenses i was wearing and showed me what his personality really looks like, and i was finally allowed to see, that while i always viewed him as mature and good hearted person, that he is exactly the opposite. he acts like hes five years old, getting his friends i dont even know to gang up on me. he is one of the most ill mannered people ive ever met, and couldnt give a damn about what kind of impressions his actions and words leave on people. he constantly insults me, telling me that people cant stand me but hes the only one who will "say it to my fucking face", to make himself feel superior. he can never let anyone win but himself, hes the best thing since sliced bread, he has the best hair/face/body/anything in his posession ever and will hold an entire conversation based around those things if you let him....and i dont.

and i think thats one of the reasons he resents me so much. i talk back to him. when he tries to go on for hours about his own pompous ass i dont put up with it. he'll ask me about stuff and when i tell him he'll ignore me and tell me he didnt actually want to know and then tell me that im obnoxious and whiney. this all started in one of his "competitons" that exist no where but in his mind, in which he called something homosexual which in reality cannot be, and when asked what that means he told me to "shut up, ur just trying to defend that fag you hooked up with" and went on to tell me how i act like i know everything and how he hates people like me. but to tell you the truth, i couldnt care any less, because i cant stand people like him. i cant deal with his arrogance and his snide comments and his random pms outbursts in which he curses me out for no reason and acts like hes in kindergarten-- and i drew the line.

we're not talking anymore. i want nothing to do with him because im mad, but more than that, disappointed in who hes become. ive been let down by the person hes morphed into since the summer- or by the person thats surfaced since then. looking back on the summer i realize that he may have always been like this- always as ignorant and obnoxious as he is now...but in smaller doses, and never directed towards me.

....and once again change has scarred me. the person who i once felt i could tell anything to, the person who i spent many a day at the beach with, who i laughed, and cried with, who i helped out with advice, and who used to help me---has fallen to ashes. yeah, its painful and yeah, its unpleasant, but sometimes you have to experience things to be able to see the flaws in people, and the pain that this has caused me is just one more battle wound in the journey of life.

:: 2005 7 January :: 4.41pm
:: Mood: still good...
:: Music: sugarcult

And one more...
Of your closest friends (including yourself) who is the...
-funniest: all of them, I wouldn't be friends with someone who couldn't make me laugh
-best to party with: bRiGgY...everyone's fun though
-most thoughtful: Elise, Jojo and I
-best listener: Lokle
-most trustworthy: all
-most reliable: Elise...Stacey too for some things
-smartest: Elise...but we're all smarter than her in some ways
-wittiest: Kate
-most spoiled: Briggette & LoKle
-quirkiest: Erica
-silliest/wackiest/craziest: Erica
-randomest: Erica!
-stingiest: Stacey hehe
-most generous: Elise, Laur and I
-biggest flirt: Kate & Erica...Elise when shes intoxicated
-most likely to succeed: I think we all will
-most athletic: Elise & Brig
-most political: Kate, Brig and I--three pretty different spectrums as well
-most like you (personality): Elise...which can be great and bad
-least like you: Stacey...which can be great and bad
Who has the...
-biggest ego: Elise
-best hair: Kate and Lokle
-best eyes: Joanna
-best boobs: wow, uh, pass
-best butt: probably Elise
-best taste in guys: well, I think I do, but Lauren and I have pretty much the same exact taste so, her
-funniest family: We all have our stories and wild ones, but i'd have to say gerspachs--sayeghs are pretty great too
-most fucked up family: me
-best clothes: Lokle
-best room: Joanna's is the coziest
-best first name: Gabrielle is my fave actually :o)
-best middle name: Paige
-best last name: Zander
-best vacations: Lokle, Jo & I
Who...
-is the "slut": none...but if i had to pick~Zuzy Zander
-"drunk": ummm, i used to assume it would be Irish Elise but I don't know...we all are retarded...but i could say that jojo and lokle are the least dumb drunks
-"debbie downer": haha Erica is pretty good at that, as is Joanna
-"yenta": that would be me
-"dumb blonde": Joanna lol
-"pothead": me, maybe kate
-smokes cigarettes: no one! yay!
-could be sisters either by personality or just by looks: Joanna & Stacey for both, Elise & I for personality
-gets in the most fights or arguments: Elise & Kate, Elise & Stacey, Elise & Joanna, Stacey & Kate
-never has gotten into a fight/argument: LoKle and anyone, Erica & Joanna
-sees eachother the most throughout the day: Elise and Joanna, Me Stacey and LoKle
-hosts the best sleepovers: Elise & I
-has the drunkest parents: haha, wahoo steve and helaine!
-has the most oblivious parents: Joanna-- Amy & Barry "mmm your shirt smells great" Norman/Surman
-has the scariest parents: Kate (mom) and Elise (dad)
-has the smartest parents (as far as normal teenage stuff goes): me, elise, kate
-has the most lenient parents: LoKle wahooo
-is the most likely to leave: call me naive but no one

:: 2005 4 January :: 6.55pm

okay fine, enough requests finally push me to clog up my journal with another one of these questionaires...
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:(depends on who you are)
danielle, danyelly, GOLDBERG!!(to like one person but i ran out of names)

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
-dmlxoxo
-luvinjberfield86
-danyellyL

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
-my smile
-my ability to be very understanding
-my ability to express exactly what im feeling

THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
-my excessive chattiness which gets me into trouble
-my blindness to the fact that although i may not agree with what my friends are saying at the time, theyre usually just looking out for me and making sure i dont get hurt, which by not listening to them, i generally do
-my gullability

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
jewish, but barely, and nothing else really

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
-heartbreak
-george w. bush
-needles

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
-internet/aim
-television
-carbohydrates

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
-fire island sweatshirt
-penguin pajama pants
-slippers

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE ARTISTS:
-the dave matthews band
-jack johnson
-the goo goo dolls

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
crash- the dave matthews band
stuck in a moment- u2
i'll cover you (reprise)- rent

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
-be more dedicated to schoolwork
-be more aware of whats actually happening in attempts to protect myself from emotional pain as a result of my blindness/naiivity
-be less lazy

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
-sensitivity
-maturity
-security

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE(In no particular order):
-dance is one of my favorite things to do
-i have the best friends in the world
-ive never lied before

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
-eyes
-smile
-snugglyness

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE SAME SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
-good smile
-good fashion sense
-good music taste

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
-sing well
-be angry without yelling
-give up on people when i know i should

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE HOBBIES:
-dancing
-skiing
-spending time at the beach (bc i really dont have n e hobbies besides those two haha)

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
-psychiatrist/psycologist
-something in communications
-???

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
-italy
-australia
-new zeland

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
-fall madly in love
-learn to play the acoustic guitar
-camp out on the beach

THREE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW OR ELSE...
i dont think anyones left....

:: 2004 31 December :: 2.05pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: stuck in a moment- u2

5, 4, 3, 2, 1.....
im almost glad to say goodbye to 2004. it gives me an excuse to start over, and use all the stuff ive learned over the course of the year to make sure that 2005 is better than 2004. 2004 taught me a lot about myself, about people in general, and about life. this year, the summer in particular, i came out of my shell, and i started to feel out the way people work, and the way that i work- and i found out that everyone, even the least likely people, make mistakes. this was the first time that i SAW this flaw in people. i always knew it was there subconciously, but when i saw it happen to other people, when people did it to me, and when i saw this flaw come out in MYSELF unexpectedly, that was a big lesson to be learned. 2004 taught me about people: their flaws, their kryptonites, their strengths, and that it is human nature to make mistakes.

with every new year, i find that i have this epiphany about friends, when really, its the same one every time- but a re-realization in a way. with every new year i am reminded that no matter how many times i say "edgemont sucks", some of the people that are here, i would not be able to live without. for the past 11 years i was blessed with the sister i never had, who has been my other half since we were 5 years old. theres never a day that passes that i dont talk to steph, someone who pretends to listen to me whine about my problems, and someone who can make me laugh about them even when i feel im at my lowest low. then i have friends like hilary who understands me when no one else does and can always sympathize with what i feel like, and it helps to remind me that im not alone. and then i have friends like zack, who stays on the phone with me until 2:30 in the morning because im upset about something, just making sure i know that hes got my back no matter what, and that he doesnt want to see me hurt, along with throwing in some "i told you so"s "are u stupid? why dont u listen to me?"s and "say zack is god"s----but hey, thats the price u pay for friends as amazing and priceless as these. 2004 taught me about friends, and how when u find good ones, theyre there for you always.

i need to treat myself with more respect, and i need to learn to be less naiive about life and the way people are. i am a very naiive person when it comes to some things. i am a very hopeful person when it comes to many things. in 2004, i put my heart out on the table for a bunch of people that i thought i could trust. i was used 3 times. am i blind not to see it? or am i stupid and ignore it. i dont know, but i know that i have to learn to respect myself enough to figure it out and prevent it. heartbreak happens too much for me, and its no ones fault by my own. 2004 taught me self respect and heartbreak: how lack of one can lead to another and how both are ways to learn things about yourself that you didnt know before.

i have too much faith in the human race, i always seem to forget that not everyone has a good heart and morals. last week, i brought in chocolates to school for some of my teachers before the break, and went to go bring mrs. longo's to her at 3:00, but she wasnt there so i left them on her desk for the monday she came back. when i told my parents that i did this, they freaked out at me and called me stupid because they thought that the custodians were going to go and take them off her desk when they were cleaning. and at 5 o clock, they made me go back to the a building and get them to put in my locker. luckily for me, i was right and they were still there, but i realized with this that as you get older and experience more things, you get screwed over and lose your trust and hope in people. i wish this wouldnt happen, but i know it has to and wish it would already, so i could prevent myself from the disappointment and hurt that comes along with it. 2004 taught me that i still have a lot to learn.

to everyone who made 2004 what it was to me- thank you. to everyone in our little woohu community- you are my world, i love every one of you with all my heart, you keep me going with your advice, helping me to learn the things that ive learned this year. thanks for keepin me strong.

so with this entry, i bring a close to 2004, leaving behind the number, but bringing with me everything the year had to offer me, every lesson, every memory, every smile, every tear. TO A HAPPY AND HEALTHY 2005.

:: 2004 26 December :: 2.24pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: greenday~jesus of suburbia

Merry Christmas! I hope everyone had a wonderful couple of days and is enjoying their break.

The flight here was absolutely horrible, just a nightmare but once we got to the hotel it was alllll better. I love it there so much and it's been almost set that I'm getting married there so you'll all be able to see it one day :) Christmas Eve, I stayed home while my parents and great aunt went to church because I was still sick and didn't want to tire myself out. Nochebuena was a lot of fun as always, the cuban dinner, the family...we filmed it which was definitely a good idea. Spent the night at my grandparents and Christmas morning, presents! wahoooo. Then my aunt, uncle, and cousins came over again and we exchanged gifts. I did really well as usual, not quite as much as I usually get but definitely good. Before we left (from ny) my parents showed me that they had gotten me a dartboard, and hockey foosball table for the basement which was reallyyy neat. Then here I got cds, movies, perfume, jewelery, clothes, games, bags...pretty much everything I wanted. Last night, went back to the hotel got a movie and some room service and that's pretty much it. Today I'm at my aunts...it's kind of boring but in a good way. It's too cold to swim, so I'm playing with all my Christmas gifts and I get to hang out with my fave cousin who I pretty much haven't seen since last christmas. I'll probably watch Napoleon Dynamite in a little while. Or maybe I'll go for a drive..I think I might be going to the DMV and getting my permit! How cooooool.

Tomorrow I think my cousins are coming to the hotel and we're gonna do spa and have a little cocktail party in my parents room before going out to dinner.
I'm feeling much better and just taking it easy, and having a great vacation.

The good thing about getting older and getting less excited about Christmas is that it's not so sad when it's over. It's actually better because you get to play with all your new stuff :)

Wishing everyone the best<3