oOoBuBbLeSoOo

:: 2004 26 July :: 3.44pm

6 MONTH PROBATION

nooo community service

--girls we got off easy...

:: 2004 26 July :: 3.37pm

Wise men say only fools rush in
but I can't help falling in love with you
Shall I stay
would it be a sin
If I can't help falling in love with you

Like a river flows surely to the sea
Darling so it goes
some things are meant to be
take my hand, take my whole life too
for I can't help falling in love with you

Like a river flows surely to the sea
Darling so it goes
some things are meant to be
take my hand, take my whole life too
for I can't help falling in love with you
for I can't help falling in love with you

:: 2004 25 July :: 8.43pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: shyne-more or less

plans for this week..
tomorrow I have court with meg and emily at 2.. I'm scared.

then Tuesday morning I leave for Maine...
it will probly be nice to get away from here.. but boring too. and something bad always happens wen I leave town... I noticed that.

I'll be back Friday probly mid-afternoon I dunno..

but call/txt/IM my phone anytime..
with my new plan I have free nationwide and no long distance so knock your socks off

617-957-6377
kissme6377

adios:]

:: 2004 25 July :: 2.28pm
:: Music: i really miss you x s club seven.. yeah thats right

ok so...

do you know what its liek to meet this guy.. and hes totally perfect fro you and you know he is and you just lose yourself in his eyes and wanan curl up tight in his arms and just never leave them...its like theres just something that your missing form yourself that they have.. that just liek clicks when ur near them.. when you talk to them.. when you touch them...its liek theres a venom in his words that just make you melt..its like he barely even has to try to make you happy.. just beign there makes everything ok.. ah im not making any sense im just rambling.. but thats who i feel and it sucks cuz everything cam crashing down when my fucking pms took control and made me jealous and suspicious of my best friend.. wtf is wrong with me.. it just seemed like she liked him and i know that he would go for her too.. and i was jealous that she wouldnt even mean it but he would fall for her instead of me and this is teh first time ive actually put myself on teh lien to get hurt in such a long time and it would just suck if the first time i did it i get my heart squashed...its liek im constantly paranoid of rejection and deciet i feel like i cant trust anyone with the way ive been brought up... back stabbed by my own fuycking mother.,. i guess i cant blame all of my issues on her cuz thats stupid im teh oen who inevitable has to make the choices.. but i cant help but think that my decisions have been swayed by her faults...its like building a big tower... that your so proud of.. and then having someone knock it down in front of you...i dont know what to do.. should i give up? cuz i made a big thing over nothing hes prolly not gonna want anything to do with me anymore..i doubt he would have even liked me anyways.. im nothing special...

write more later...

2 commentz | you better fucking comment!!

cocopuff

:: 2004 25 July :: 11.58am
:: Mood: cranky
:: Music: Maroon 5-"She Will Be Loved"

HOLY FUCK

>>I dont mind spending every day<<
>> Out on your conner in the pooring rain<<

OMG!!! lol i havent written in this thing in sooooooooo long!! lol well ther is a reason on the last day of school i got busted for being drunk and trying to sleep at kelcs... lol and since then myu parents took my computer for a whole fuckign mounth meaning i got it back on the 17th.... but i didn't becasue i was in maine wiht brittany for twoo weeks.. and i just got home yesterday so i decited i would write in here now...

there was sooo much stuff that happend since i didnt write in here... like ummmmmmm MY BIRTHDAY!!! lol it was very fun!! my rents let me out for the day and i went to mandas and Kelc and katie and jess were thee hahahah i love them sooo much!!!!!!!! and i got to go out a few days 2 but i had to b in at fucking 8 which was bull shit but w/e now im off and i have my compuert and im soo excited!!!

and while i was in maine i missed Kelcs birthday and if i had my comp there would have beeen a entry that said somehting liek this:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KELC I LOVE U SOOOOO MUCH!!! its ur first birthday since i met u(and i have to b in maine :( )and im very happy i met u!!! and i love u to death!!! i hope u have(had) and awesome birthday!!!

lol yes im weird but im trying to get to everythign i missed... and at this point i ant remeber nething else... so... yea... im done....

oh yes and im gonann fix this mess... i hope u like it lol

<3Lizzy

:: 2004 22 July :: 11.59pm

In one single moment your whole life can turn 'round
I stand there for a minute starin' straight into the ground
Lookin' to the left slightly, then lookin' back down
World feels like it's caved in - proper sorry frown
Please let me show you where we could only just be, for us
I can change and I can grow or we could adjust
The wicked thing about us is we always have trust
We can even have an open relationship, if you must
I look at her she stares almost straight back at me
But her eyes glaze over like she's lookin' straight through me
Then her eyes must have closed for what seems an eternity
When they open up she's lookin' down at her feet

Dry your eyes mate
I know it's hard to take but her mind has been made up
There's plenty more fish in the sea
Dry your eyes mate
I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts
But you've got to walk away now
It's over

So then I move my hand up from down by my side
It's shakin', my life is crashin' before my eyes
Turn the palm of my hand up to face the skies
Touch the bottom of her chin and let out a sigh
'Cause I can't imagine my life without you and me
There's things I can't imagine doin', things I can't imagine seein'
It weren't supposed to be easy, surely
Please, please, I beg you please
She brings her hands up towards where my hands rested
She wraps her fingers round mine with the softness she's blessed with
She peels away my fingers, looks at me and then gestures
By pushin' my hand away to my chest, from hers

Dry your eyes mate
I know it's hard to take but her mind has been made up
There's plenty more fish in the sea
Dry your eyes mate
I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts
But you've got to walk away now
It's over

And I'm just standin' there, I can't say a word
'Cause everythin's just gone
I've got nothin'
Absolutely nothin'

Tryin' to pull her close out of bare desperation
Put my arms around her tryin' to change what she's sayin'
Pull my head level with hers so she might engage in
Look into her eyes to make her listen again
I'm not gonna fuckin', just fuckin' leave it all now
'Cause you said it'd be forever and that was your vow
And you're gonna let our things simply crash and fall down
You're well out of order now, this is well out of town
She pulls away, my arms are tightly clamped round her waist
Gently pushes me back and she looks at me straight
Turns around so she's now got her back to my face
Takes one step forward, looks back, and then walks away

Dry your eyes mate
I know it's hard to take but her mind has been made up
There's plenty more fish in the sea
Dry your eyes mate
I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts
But you've got to walk away now
It's over

I know in the past I've found it hard to say
Tellin' you things, but not tellin' straight
But the more I pull on your hand and say
The more you pull away

Dry your eyes mate
I know it's hard to take but her mind has been made up
There's plenty more fish in the sea
Dry your eyes mate
I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts
But you've got to walk away now.

----

i stand here
in a world of lies
wandering in and out of the lives of many
touching hearts, and hands.
i bleed red blood
and speak white lies
still never knowing the truth
i question greatly
the intentions of others
and constantly doubt my own will,
but each day the sun rises,
and the birds go on chirping
assurring this is my place
the dust will never settle
upon my chin, my chest or my cheek
im wild untamed and misleaded..
i stare out this foggy window,
circles of condensation collect on its pane
looking out into the world
the world full of troubles
and joys,
deaths, and births
irony and such beauty..
i live this life like a magnet
attractling only what i am willing to attract
fending off my dislikes
i stand here
in a world of lies
wandering in and out of the lives of many
touching hearts, and hands.
my heart skips a beat
as i watch this scene drift away into nothingness
and i am nothing but a lost moment in time
a place, no longer to be visited...
a conquerable setting
lived, and thrown aside...
i stare into this scene,
and i watch it drift away..

---

i dont understand everything you make me feel or say
i think of all the problems, but i woudlnt have it any other way
we drift into contact and swiflty drift out
reliving the sways of unconquerable doubt
i sit here awake and its 11 after 4
thinkign about you.. my cher amour
i type this poem, a rythem i drop a line
hoping it will touch you somewhere deep inside
is this not what suits you, do you not like my poetry?
are you not a sucker for kisses and the sweetness of obscurity
call me crazy for this emotion i feel
i met your soul long ago.. its something so real
i question if im sane.. or if what i think is true
i guess i will never know until i act on this to.
the syncrinization of your lips, and my heart
assures me your here, is it soon you shall part?
the feeling i get when you look into my eyes
its like your seeing into me, u see past my lies..
unquestionable doubt overwhelms my whole body
i was starring at you, im not sure if you saw me
would it be too much if i asked you to hold me
if i asked you to kiss, and encompass around me
with the warmth of your arms, youve revived my health
matured within reason, and gained within wealth
my lifeless flesh now pumps blood through these veins
im no longer crazy, im not longer insane
so kiss me again and i swear well stay this way
with the setting of the sun, and a dawn of a new day...

:: 2004 22 July :: 9.59pm
:: Mood: high as a kite
:: Music: b2k-everything

x3 I love you x3

wait for the boy who will make any ordinary
moment seem magical, the kinda boy who
brings out the best in you & makes you wanna be
a better person, wait for the one who will be your
best friend, who will drop anything to be with you
at anytime, wait for the boy who makes you smile
like no one else and when he smiles you know
he needs you, wait for the boy who wants to show
you off to the world when you are in your sweats
and have no make-up on but appreciates it when
you get all dolled up for him and most of all wait
for the boy who will put you in the center of his
universe-cause that's where you belong <33

:: 2004 22 July :: 1.00am

today was miss kelsey elisabeth rose dunnes bday and we had a gather for her :-) robbie jimmy me jessie ashley meggy katie sarah and kelsey of course were there we had fun

I LOVE YOU KELSEY

Your back curves like a creeping vine
with the answers in the fluid in the stem of the spine
In the black-coffee bowl of your eye
why do you overestimate the size of the lie?

I've seen
the dangers of
your rising sign
but i swear
i'd like
to drink the fuel straight from your lighter
it's all inside the wrist, it's
all inside the way you time it
i resent the way you make me like myself

my nerves jump
like a boiling pan
like a skillet full of oil spits,
rattling on the burner
when i stumble onto the thought
of the match you lit and dropped and set the
dial to slow yearn

i've seen
the dangers of
your rising sign
but i swear
i'd like
to drink the fuel straight from your lighter
it's all inside the wrist, it's
all inside the way you time it
i resent the way you make me like myself

can i spell it out?
should i spell it out?

i've seen
the dangers of
your rising sign
but i swear
i'd like
to drink the fuel straight from your lighter
it's all inside the wrist, it's
all inside the way you time it
i resent the way you make me like myself

-----

its like you see into my mind
you read me like a script
speaking each word so fluently
leaving shivers down my spine
as they cascade down my earlobes
melting like a snowflake upon my cheek
or a tear drop flowling solemnly to an imminent death
i cannot grasp the concept yet
of how you make me feel
but my heart beats faster
and i cant help but smile
the biggest smile
its beauty like a rose
the fragrance and sight
bringing tears to my eyes
foreshadowing the joy
the happiness
and the time ticking endlessly
and the light flickering between what should be and what could be
i dont know what to think
see
know...
but i know what i feel
and its something
swayed by the venom in your words
as they cascade down my earlobes
melting like a snowflake upon my cheek

----

^me

nothing ends that doesnt start
llike a rose you are the heart
you often find alone at night
yourself intwined with delight
i see you walking toward the sun
and when we're talking i dont want to ever be done
you light up days shrouded by fear
and never even drop a tear
you contact spirits from above
and help them find their inner love
a juggalette is always hot
but a normal juggalette your surely not
you beat them all with no intention
you suck me in to another dimension
i feel like im floating and thati might just have wings
you are the one who made me feel all of these things
you get the things you certainly need
and deserve it, you do indeed

- derek :-)

2 commentz | you better fucking comment!!

:: 2004 21 July :: 11.35pm
:: Mood: happy/exhausted burnt out
:: Music: Mobb Deep-Bounce

July 21

Happy Birthday to Me Tori & Korrie!!

today was fun..Amanda & the girls planned a lil"suprise" party for mee it was fantabulous ;-)

I got a new cell!! I have the same # n shit.. new plan so tonnnss of mins call me up!!

:: 2004 20 July :: 1.19am

KaRt00nNiTeMaRe: jew
BlckTangldHrt35x: fuck you
BlckTangldHrt35x: jew
BlckTangldHrt35x: go jew yourself up the ass
KaRt00nNiTeMaRe: whoa
BlckTangldHrt35x: come on alex you can do it put a little jew into it
KaRt00nNiTeMaRe: what the fuck? this isn't the little jew that could

-----

KaRt00nNiTeMaRe: im sick of everyone tryina be me all the time
KaRt00nNiTeMaRe: being famous and so dashingly good looking, isn't easy
BlckTangldHrt35x: alex
BlckTangldHrt35x: did you have any relatives like uncles or anything who got a divorce?
BlckTangldHrt35x: ?
KaRt00nNiTeMaRe: umm
KaRt00nNiTeMaRe: my uncles black
KaRt00nNiTeMaRe: does that count?
BlckTangldHrt35x: no
KaRt00nNiTeMaRe: oh
BlckTangldHrt35x: did any have a divorce?
KaRt00nNiTeMaRe: he can steal your tv in the middle of the night, and you'd just think it was floating.
BlckTangldHrt35x: seriously did they
KaRt00nNiTeMaRe: umm
KaRt00nNiTeMaRe: i think my black uncles wife and daughter left him after he went back to jail
KaRt00nNiTeMaRe: lmao
KaRt00nNiTeMaRe: how bout that?

---

BlckTangldHrt35x: i love you
KaRt00nNiTeMaRe: oh
KaRt00nNiTeMaRe: i love u too haha

i love alex kaplan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:: 2004 20 July :: 12.54am
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: Mobb Deep-Get Away

you'll know hes the right one

when your bad days

..suddenly turn good

:: 2004 18 July :: 1.09am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: Twiztid-Your the Reazon

Hell yeah Summer'04

last night (early this morning) kicked ass. It's been so fuckin long since I've gone out durin the night n had that much fun... night swimming n goin to McDonald's at like 3am in the back of a pick-up truck watchin the stars.. it was so awesome I hadn't done nething like that in so long... it was good to do something diff. for a change

the past few days actually have been pretty good..... we took bong rips at karltons cousins house friday.. haven't done that in a long time either. n I also saw Matty I haven't seen him since.... probly before school ended.

well its been a fun weekend.. but I do miss robbie & jimmy :-( I thought I would be hanging out with them the past few days but they never called.. n then tonite Jimmy asked me to go meet him n his nephew so I saw him for a lil

there were plans for tonite.. I thought.. but I'm wicked burnt out n I need to gain back some sleep that I've lost.. so I think I'll do that instead

Bday- 3 days
Court- 7/26
Maine- 7/27 through 7/30

:: 2004 18 July :: 12.22am

I gotta new life
You would hardly recognize me I'm so glad
How could a person like me care for you
Why do I bother
When you're not the one for me
Oooo, is enough, enough

I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes I saw the sign
Life is demanding without understanding
I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes I saw the sign
No one's gonna drag you up to get into the light where you belong
But where do you belong

Under the clear moon
For so many years I've wondered who you are
How can a person like you bring me joy
Under the pale moon
Where I see a lot of stars
Oooooo Is enough, enough

I saw the sign...
oooh Oh oooh

(Instrumental)

I saw the sign and it opened up my mind
And I am happy now living without you
I've left you, ooohhh
I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes I saw the sign
No one's gonna drag you up to get into the light where you belong

I saw the sign - I saw the sign

:: 2004 17 July :: 6.03pm

This is to a boy

who got inside
my head..
with all the
Amazing
things he did..

:: 2004 15 July :: 11.49pm
:: Mood: happier
:: Music: Vertical Horizon-Best I ever had

I wished upon a star tonight....

..and it came true..

sorta

I wish it would always be this easy.. just wish on the first star you see and everything will suddenly get better.. but it's not always like that. I can't depend on such things to make my mistakes vanish.. I need to learn to think before I say certain things that could hurt another person... and even hurt me more....

::thankful::

:: 2004 15 July :: 11.16pm

I want to love somebody
I hear you need somebody to love
Oh I want to love somebody
I hear you're looking
for somebody to love

'Cause you need to be back
in the arms of a good friend
and I need to be back
in the arms of a girlfriend

I didn't know nobody
and then I saw you coming my way
Oh I didn't know nobody
and then I saw you coming my way

Don't you need to be back
in the arms of a good friend?
Oh 'cause honey believe me
I'd sure love to call you
my girlfriend
[solo]

Don't you need to be back
in the arms of a good friend?
Oh 'cause honey believe me
I'd sure love to call you
my girlfriend

'Cause you
got a good thing going baby
You only need somebody to love
Oh you got a good thing going
You're only looking
for someone to love
'Cause you need to get back
in the arms of a good friend

And I'm never gonna set you free
No I'm never gonna set you free

---

its 3 in teh morning
cant get you off my mind
theres a strange satisfaction
when you cross it

blinded by you
and its something you do
that makes me fall..

i get weak in teh knees
i cant hardly speak
the look in your eyes
sends chills down my spine
and the warmth in the air
it shows that you care
and i thank my lucky stars

that you, are my eveything
youll always be my everything
deep inside my heart
youll always be with me
when we are appart
and my heart ois yours
forever and more
i will give you all you want
i love you, i love you
tell me you love me too

:: 2004 14 July :: 11.59pm
:: Mood: ughhh I miss him
:: Music: Never Really Was.... -Mario Winans

I woke up this morning thinking you were still there... then I realized it wasn't all a dream :[

I don't know what to think I don't know what to believe...

I need answers I need to find out how and why it's coming down like this
It's really bugging me that I haven;t talked to him... so obv he doesn't care enough or else I wouldn't be sitting here wondering why this is happening

All I know is it's no suprise...
he never did stay <|3

2 commentz | you better fucking comment!!

:: 2004 14 July :: 2.57pm

if you wanna leave
i won't beg you to stay
and if you gotta go darling
maybe it's better that way
i'm gonna be strong
i'm gonna do fine
don't worry about this heart of mine
just walk out that door
yea see if i care
go on and go now but
don't turn around
cause you're gonna see my heart breaking
don't turn around
i don't want you seeing me cry
just walk away
it's tearing me apart
that you're leaving
i'm letting you go
but i won't let you know
i won't miss your arms around me
holding me tight
if you ever think about me
just know that i'll be alright
i'm gonna be strong
i'm gonna do fine
don't worry about this heart of mine
i know i'll survive
sure i'll make it through
and i'll even learn to live without you
don't turn around
cause you're gonna see my heart breaking
don't turn around
i don't want you seeing me cry
just walk away
it's tearing me apart
that you're leaving
i'm letting you go
but i won't let you know
i wish i could scream out loud
that i love you
i wish i could say to you
don't go
as he walks away he feels the pain getting strong
people in your life they don't know what's going on
too proud to turn around he's gone
don't turn around
cause you're gonna see my heart breaking
don't turn around
i don't want you seeing me cry
just walk away
it's tearing me apart
that you're leaving
i'm letting you go
but i won't let you know

---

im starring in your eyes
and you look into mine
and i fall deeper for you

i am blind
by the light shining in your eyes
its shining down for me

(chorus)
when you hold me
everything just fades away
i am held by you
and everything just goes my way
i wanna say so many things to you
i wanna tell you that i dont love you
i wanna tell you i wont stand for this no more
but when you look at me
the words just wont speak

i stare at you
and you are looking at me too
we catch a glimpse of eachothers stare
were playing mind games in the sun
and i just wonder whats begun

intoxication melts me into you
ive fallen under i dont know what to do
you make me think things i dont want to

(chorus)
when you hold me
everything just fades away
i am held by you
and everything just goes my way
i wanna say so many things to you
i wanna tell you that i dont love you
i wanna tell you i wont stand for this no more
but when you look at me
the words just wont speak

if you love me
why dont you stay here
if you love me
then why is she here

i dont know what it is you think im gonna do
wont wait here forever for you?
i just wanna know
what the hell you expect from me

someone whose gonna be
right there for you
on every call
just something to be there for you
i wont be the one you fall back to

(bridge)
you say u love me
and youll never let me go
you tell me taht you need me
im everything you know
if you love me why dont you just show me
and be with me

(chorus)

cause i care for you
you can cry to me
ill be there listening to every beat
and i will catch your broken heart
when shes torn it appart

(chorus)

how can you love her when you share all your dreams with me
how can you tell her that you love her
when i know everything about you
i love you.. i love you..i love you
but your gonna have to choose

----

im hanging on your words
every warm summer night
im lookign in your eyes
and this feelings more than right

i used to have
such immature emotions for you
but now their acting up again
and i know its true

im hanging on your kiss everynight
im hanging on your words
just to feel alright
they say "go ahead"
and "i could have you if i want"
but i dont think you really like me
you just like to taunt

do you really like those ugly girls your hanging with
is just just for the sex?
or the hell of it
and whose that girl your giving all your love to
bet it isnt true...

im hanging on your kiss every night
losing sight falling into your eyes
this heat it overwhelms me
and im falling int you
against everything that i wnat
and every moral ive been taught
but for you i feel i can bend the rules

summer lovin'
ends all too quickly
will we have to end when summer comes to close
will i always hold you in my heart?
will you feel the way that i feel?
or is it just a game to take my heart
i just want you to know you had it already..

:: 2004 14 July :: 12.50am
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: 97.7

tonight sucked.....

well tonight went from boring and relaxing to dissapointing and just fucked up...

it appears that two of my "friends" told kim I called her a slut n shit which is messed up cause if you ask anybody they'll say I would never say nething like that about her. ya we had problems n shit in the past but that's wen I didn't know her.. I love her I'm not about to call one of my girls a slut whether ppl wanna say so or not.

ya well thats the fucked up part... n it was also disapointing to hear that my so-called guy friends would try & start shit between me n her

then I got kinda upset when I heard Robbie said he hated me n blah blah wat the fuck
hah that isn't too hard to believe though it's Robbie were talking about...

ohhh well I'm gonna take some advice from a former friend n just say fuck it cause I'm not about to ruin a Summer over this shit so I'm gonna try real hard to just stay up.. n hopefully things will fall back into place within time... it'll kill me if we all stop talkin... I was way too close to losing Jimmy over this whole thing n I'm not gonna let that happen again this year....... no way

They saY gOod thingS dOn't lasT....

I wouldn't argue :[

:: 2004 13 July :: 4.34pm

Definitely! Someones gotta crush on you! It's
Obvious that this guy likes you, so stop
doubting it! If hes a little shy and hasnt said
anything, maybe you should be the one to make
the first move (If you feel the same way of
course). If you dont feel the same way, and he
has already told you that he likes you, tell
him how you feel in the nicest way possible,
after all he was brave enough to tell you.

Does He Like You?
brought to you by Quizilla

GARAGE GURL - Flirt inna Skirt!
A GARAGE-GURL. Youre into loud music, hot guys and
wild fashions. Youre most at ease when you've
got all your mates around you and you like to
party. Boys are a game and youre always on the
ball because you make sure you're always number
one.

Your virtues: Confidence, fun nature,
sociability.

Your flaws: Loudness, jealous tendency, need for
attention..

You almost certainly wouldn't like this game,
because it's not your thing:

www.life-blood.vze.com

What kind of girl are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

:: 2004 13 July :: 3.11pm

me and katie are making a sex mix of all sexual songs.. comment if you have one we forgot lol

and if you want a copy its $1 lol

1. turn me on - kevin little
2. splash waterfalls - ludacris
3. Fantasy - ludacris
4. i can tell - 504 boys
5. ohh na na na na - lil jon n the east side boys
6. dirty little girl - twiztid
7. old school pervert - icp
8. tease - b2k
9. Slow motion - guvenile
10. freak me - silk
11. spin the bottle--twiztid ft icp
12. nothing in this world - avant
13. ill make love u to - boyz 2men
14. red light special - boyz2men
15. on top of me - tyrese
16. carress me down - sublime
17. sex - ginuwine
18. in those jeans - ginuwine
19. majik stick--lil kim ft 50 cent
20. peaches and cream - 112
21. sit on acid - lords of acid
22. we can do it anywhere - 112
23. how many licks - lil kim ft. 112
24. i wanna be bad - willa ford
25. push it - salt n peppa
26. freak a leek - petey pablo
27. doin it - ll cool j
28. Closer- Nine Inch Nails
29. Anytime, Anyplace - Janet Jackson
30. Sway - Bic Runga - good emotional sex song
31. rough sex - lords of acid
32. Pony - ginuwine
33. slow - kylie minogue
34. I Wanna Sex You Up - Color Me Badd
35. sex and candy - marcy's playground

:-)

:: 2004 13 July :: 3.00pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: none

Summer Lovin'
Once school starts again... everything will be the same as it was last year and I can't stop myself from thinking about it. :-\

97%

:: 2004 13 July :: 2.35am
:: Music: thats me x dark lotus

what a dilema...
i decided im gonna make a new sn but i made up so many and i cant choose one im gonna list all of em in here and you ppl really need to comment and choose which one you guys like better

and if you think of one put it up here too haha

ToxicRain35x
TwiztidPleasure35x
EmptyEyez35x
LyingEyez35x
BlckTangldHrt35x
HollowImitationz35
HeyJealousy35x
NbdysHero35x
TrueIllusions35x
MelancholyTearz35x
GoodMourning35x
MidnightMelancholy
BlackMajik35x
AutumToAshes35x
OpaqueDreamz35x
SpellBound35x
Wallflower35x
ImminentGlow35x
Aphrodisiac35x
Cancerous35x
LostInfatuation35x
CrypticSins35x
BrokenEchos35x
ShatteredTearz35x
Dissonance35x
ForgedEuphoria35x
HalfBaked35x
Emotionless35x
LastDeciet35x
CrypticReality35x
RealisticFacism35x

well that was a hell of a lot haha i hope to pick one soon :-)

shit i thought of 31 sns

bold = favored sns

:: 2004 12 July :: 2.10am
:: Mood: restless
:: Music: Matchbook Romance-Tiger Lily

It's not about keeping your promises, it's about following your heart.

that movie has really been making me think..

"I think the greatest loves are those that have overcome obstacles because they have withstood those things that life can throw at them."

with every great love comes a great story

-- The Notebook

I am nothing special; of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough.
--Noah

:: 2004 11 July :: 1.15pm

please love me or i'll be gone
im standing here
shaking in the doorway
im standing here
bareing all i have to hide
walking in behind me
theres a shadow hanging over me
and i feel it...feel it

watch me as i pack my bags
i wanna just get up and leave
watch me as i say goodbye
down on my knees
stay with me forever
beating in my heart
underneath this starlit sky
were never appart

im crying here
using sleeves as tissues
im crying here
no longer will your phoney lines ring true to me
im walking away from here
theres a shadow hanging over me
and i feel it... feel it..

watch me as i pack my bags
i wanna just get up and leave
watch me as i say goodbye
down on my knees
stay with me forever
beating in my heart
underneath this starlit sky
were never appart

lost in trasnlation to you
lost in every broken heart you never knew
dying in anothers arms tonight
crying for another soul tonight
and ill wonder how youll be when were appart
wonder if youll have a lonely broken heart

watch me as i pack my bags
i wanna just get up and leave
watch me as i say goodbye
down on my knees
stay with me forever
beating in my heart
underneath this starlit sky
were never appart

im lost in here
dont know where to go right now
im lost in here
my eyes are blindfolded
walking in behind me
theres a shadow hanging over me
and i feel it...
do you feel it like i do..

- me

we drive tonight,
and you are by my side.
We're talking about our lives,
like we've known each other forever.
the time flies by,
with the sound of your voice.
its close to paradise,
with the end surely near.
if i could only stop the car
and hold onto you,
and never let go...
i'll never let go.
as we round the corner
to your house
you turned to me and said,
"i'll be going through withdrawl of you for this one night we have spent."
and, i want to speak these words
but i guess i'll just bite my tongue,
and accept "someday, somehow"
as the words that we'll hang from.

and i (i..), i don't want to speak these words.
cause i (cause i..), i don't want to make things anyworse.
[x2]

why does tonight, have to end?
why don't we hit restart,
and pause it at our favorite parts.
we'll skip the goodbyes.
if i had it my way,
i'd turn the car around and runaway,
just you and i.

---

I'm lying alone
With my head on the phone
Thinking of you till it hurts
I know you're hurt too
But what else can we do?
Tormented and torn apart
I wish I could carry
your smile in my heart
For times when my life seems so low
It would make me believe
What tomorrow could bring
When today doesn't really know

i did it

i successfully hurt another person who only wanted the best for me..only wanted to see me smile.. someone who called me beautiful in sweatpants and no makeup.. straight out of bed...someone who just called to say hi and talk about nothing for hours and hours.. someone who i could talk to about anything and hed be there to comfort me.. someone who could make me smile.. and also get me angry.. someone who waited for me.. someone who lived for me... and i ruined it

i lost it again.. and am a hypocrite of my own gospel...

i preach every day about how ppl who hurt me and i hate them.. and then i go about my day just trying to make everyone feel the happiness i long for.. and all i can do is make someone else feel liek shit.. the person who makes me feel like im perfect.. i make them want to die do you know what its like to have someone tell you that you make them want to die.. keep in mind youw ere trying to make this person happy.. and i failed cuz thats what im good at.. fucking failing...

Haiz n Daiz: i wont stop loveing you. you saved me form who i was, you were my reason. and for that i owe you everything i have.. im sorry i bothered you today.

Vanished 1 2 2 0: im always like that...i find something amazing that i know i need and i know is perfect for me.. but im afraid to take the risk.. im afraid to get hurt.. im afraid of you leaving me.. im afraid of getting too attactched that i cant be ok on my own.. im afraid of commitment.. even though i want it so badly.. becuz with a promise like that theres more ways for me to screw up.. and thats what im good at.. screwing up.. and making the people who i devoted my time to trying to make smile i just make then hurt

Haiz n Daiz: what did you want me to do amanda? you were hurting me, maybe you couldnt see it but everyone else did... i wasnt going to wait around for something if it wasnt going to happen just to get hurt even more
Haiz n Daiz: i still love you even if you like it or not
Haiz n Daiz: and i care
Haiz n Daiz: i think about you all the time
Haiz n Daiz: i just didnt see why youd do what you did
Haiz n Daiz: so i left
Haiz n Daiz: out of everyone i knew
Haiz n Daiz: i trusted you the most with my emotions
Haiz n Daiz: it hurt me to know you didnt know what you wanted
Haiz n Daiz: after all thw times you said you wanted to be with me
Haiz n Daiz: its like you changed your mind
Haiz n Daiz: and i felt like shit
Haiz n Daiz: the only thing i could think of was to leave and let you find out what you wantr
Haiz n Daiz: i never ment to hurt you

---

i hate myself.. and everything ive done...
im sorry i failed you sean
im sorry i hurt you
im sorry i fucked up
im sorry i ever messed up your life
im sorry...

:: 2004 11 July :: 12.14am
:: Music: at seventeen x janis ian

i learned the truth at 15...
my favorite song ever!

i went to see the notebook again today cuz kelsey and katie never saw it ./. lizzy left yesterday for maine for 2 WHOLE WEEKS how will i ever survive without her :(
im home now so im tired ill write more later

I learned the truth at seventeen
That love was meant for beauty queens
And high school girls with clear skinned smiles
Who married young and then retired.
The valentines I never knew
The Friday night charades of youth
Were spent on one more beautiful
At seventeen I learned the truth.
And those of us with ravaged faces
Lacking in the social graces
Desperately remained at home
Inventing lovers on the phone
Who called to say come dance with me
and murmured vague obscenities
It isn't all it seems
At seventeen.
A brown eyed girl in hand me downs
Whose name I never could pronounce
said, Pity please the ones who serve
They only get what they deserve.
The rich relationed hometown queen
Married into what she needs
A guarantee of company
And haven for the elderly.
Remember those who win the game
Lose the love they sought to gain
Indebentures of quality
And dubious integrity.
Their small town eyes will gape at you
in dull surprise when payment due
Exceeds accounts received
At seventeen.
To those of us who know the pain
Of valentines that never came,
And those whose names were never called
When choosing sides for basketball.
It was long ago and far away
The world was younger than today
And dreams were all they gave for free
To ugly duckling girls like me.
We all play the game and when we dare
To cheat ourselves at solitaire
Inventing lovers on the phone
Repenting other lives unknown
That call and say, come dance with me
and murmur vague obscenities
At ugly girls like me
At seventeen.

note to self: write andre a letter

andre kolarevic
21 ricecorner road
brookfeild ma 01506

:: 2004 10 July :: 11.16pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: JKwon-Hood Hop

The Notebook

is suuch a good movie.. I saw it for the first time today. I cried my eyes out though they were right when they said it would make you think alot about your own life

I came out of the theater with my eyes all red and puffy from crying so much... I've never cried like that over a movie. But I guess for once I can somewhat relate to what they're talking about.. and it made me really sad.

But anyways its an awesome movie-I recommend you all go see it.. even the guys. It's worth every penny.

4 commentz | you better fucking comment!!

:: 2004 10 July :: 1.41pm
:: Mood: rested
:: Music: Jagged Edge-Walked outta heaven

this journal pisses me off
ah I hate this thing I can never get all of it to match the way I want damit

umm ya well I'm gonna go get some food n sit on my ass I'll update later.

Let me know if u like. :-)

kelsey

<> soak it or leave it - haha jessie u crack me up

:: 2004 9 July :: 2.02pm

the pristine smoke twirls around you
in this foggy stifled room
we glance at eachother quickly
not long enough to contemplate
what the night would hold
curiously we smile, and toss hellos from side to side
playing with our young emotions
toying with this premature lust
our lips they slowly tingle
as they touch for the first time
separated only seconds
and already yurning for more
temptation pulls this curiously further
touching skin of milky white
slowly melting into eveything i am
not an ounce of fear in my body
just the need to know your face
i want to learn your heavenly body
and begin to touch through taste
the smoke as grown much thicker now
and teh dark penetrates all that is light
leaving only you and i here
to explore uncharted territory
to kiss from dusk til dawn
and if i leave not knowing you
and each inch of milk white skin
i leave without a piece of me
it is to you that i am drawn
not an ounce of fear in my body
just the need to know your face
i want to learn your heavenly body
and begin to touch through taste

:: 2004 9 July :: 9.21am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: Mario Winans-Never Really Was

Lizzy's leaving tomorrow... :(

Lizzys going to Maine for TWO weeks on saturday, I'm sad I've never been away from Lizzy for more than a week lol she better call.
and she's missing my birthday too wat the fuck!
but we are going out to breakfast soon I think so it's all good
Robbie n Mike came back yesterday... I thought they were coming home today. I saw robbie last night after I was forced to fuck up all my plans to go see him... but thats ok it was fun

ya.. my moms a cunt >:O if she ever does that again I swear I'll smack her. and I've been pretty patient with her lately cause she hasnt done anything GAY.. but if she wants it to be like it used to I can play that game too mother fucker