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2003 18 August :: 9.27 am
:: Music: S.T.U.N.-movement
....
its too early....but I got to sleep at 12...what do you expect, thats so damn early...today should be fun, im shopping for school supplies...the excitement is over whelming....
im trying to make it as exciting as possiable. errr...i got to go take a shower.
4 kids |
you worry too much |
::
2003 17 August :: 8.15 pm
:: Music: vendetta red-shatterday
i adore brand new.
im finding out i dont care when people are mad at me, i use to be worried now i figure..heh they'll get over it...and if they dont..not my problem.
my socks make me smile.
i have been happy lately for no apparent reason. *smiles*
vendetta red is an awesome band..listen to the lead singer scream once and i guarantee you'll be hooked.
*arches eyebrow...looks around mysteriously*
you worry too much |
::
2003 16 August :: 6.30 pm
Me vs. Maradona vs. Elvis-Brand New
With one or two I get used to the room. We go slow when we first make our moves. But five or six bring you out to the car. Number nine with my head on the bar. And it's sad, but true. Out of cash and I owe. I got you. Desperate desires and unadmirable plans. My tongue will taste the gin and malicious intent. Bring you back to the bar. Get you out of the cold. A sober straight face gets you out of your clothes. And they're scared that we know all the crimes they'll commit. Who they'll kiss before they get home. I will lie awake. Lie for fun and fake the way I hold you. Then you'll fall for every empty word I say. Barely conscious in the door where you stand. Your eyes are filing sleep while your mouth makes your demands. You laugh at every word, trying hard to be cute. I almost feel sorry for what I'm gonna do. And your hair smells of smoke. Who will cast the first stone? You can't sit or spend the night all alone. Brass buttons on your coat hold the cold in the shape of a heart that they cut out of stone.
You're using all your looks that you've thrown from the start. If you let me have my way, I swear I'll tear you apart. Cause it's all you can be. You're a drunk and you're scared. It's ladies night. All the girls drink for free. I will lie awake. Lie for fun and fake the way I hold you. Then you'll fall for every empty word I say.
--------------------------------------------------
that song is sad but i like it..a lot.
3 kids |
you worry too much |
::
2003 16 August :: 1.56 pm
:: Music: Brand New-the quiet things no one ever knows
I love this song and this band! hehe.
im bored. trying to find people in any of my classes...not going well, no one in my lunch either.
i have a feeling im gonna be the loner...ah well nothing im not use to.
i think im done shopping for clothes...im wondering if chains are allowed to wear, like on pants...does anyone know?! meh.
well im gonna go.
you worry too much |
::
2003 15 August :: 8.54 pm
today i went to the mall with becky. it was interesting....lets recap the day shall we....
first we see a kid about 12 years old checking out some posters of half naked woman, than showing his younger brother...it was a bit disturbing.
than omg theres a store called Fizz with the biggest coolest beanbag things...so we jumped on them...that was so much fun!
than i purchased....are you ready.....a CAREBEAR backpack!!!!! *smiles*
than we were walking and a security gaurd approaches me and tells me spikes are not aloud in the mall! what the hell....there spikes, im not gonna kill someone! it made me angry....rawr.
well im off to go eat some more cold pizza...mmmmm.
4 kids |
you worry too much |
::
2003 15 August :: 2.33 pm
Class Schedule
if you have any of my classes, leave a comment.
hour 1 Sophomore Comp/Lit Young, Cliffton
hour 2 Soc Stud Pers1/1 Ahmed, Sairah
hour 3 Algebra 1 Andrus, D
hour 4 Plant & Animal Reyburn, L
hour 5 Current Events Babbit, B
hour 6 Child Care/Parenting Tanis, L
yup those classes prove im stupid, heh.
2 kids |
you worry too much |
::
2003 15 August :: 10.39 am
:: Music: matchbox twenty-unwell
i get my paycheck today. than its off to spend it....*smiles yet frowns*because I know I will spend too much..
*sigh* how I love coldplay.
1 kid |
you worry too much |
::
2003 14 August :: 9.33 pm
:: Music: The yeah yeah yeahs-coldlight
I saw this on TV today and just had to share it...
"are you straight, but have trouble flirting with gay men"?
After seeing this I instantly came up with a list of guys in my mind this may relate to.
2 kids |
you worry too much |
::
2003 13 August :: 5.24 pm
:: Music: Taking Back Sunday-ghost man on third
eerrrrrrrr......
meh...
4 kids |
you worry too much |
::
2003 12 August :: 11.48 pm
i had hot chocolate today with chocolate chips AND whipped cream.
best hot chocolate I ever had.
mmmmmmmmmmm.....
--i changed my journal a bit...come look and see everyone.
you worry too much |
::
2003 12 August :: 7.19 pm
I love Bert McCracken (lead singer of The Used, for you idiots that dont know)
2 kids |
you worry too much |
::
2003 12 August :: 5.45 pm
well monday was the last day of work....*sigh of relief* but of course it just HAD to rain...ah well. i like the rain just not while im in a corn field...it so kills the fun of it.
went to erikas monday night than we went shopping today...that was fun..had the yeah yeah yeahs playing so loud in the car..hehe...I guess my high pitched scream (im guesiing it sounds like a mouse dying or something) is good entertainment since it always makes people laugh.
anyways i am in love with The Used....I have had the CD forever and I havent listened to them for a while....I forgot how amazingly awesome they are! heres some songs i like by them..
On My Own
see all those people on the ground
wasting time
i try to hold it all inside
but just for tonight
the top of the world
sitting here wishing
the things I've become
that something is missing
maybe I...
but what do I know
and now it seems that i have found
nothing at all
I want to hear your voice out loud
slow it down
without it all
I'm choking on nothing
it's clear in my head
and I'm screaming for something
knowing nothing is better than knowing at all
On My Own
The Taste of Ink
Is it worth it can you even hear me
Standing with your spotlight on me
Not enough to feed the hungry
I'm tired and I felt it for awhile now
In this sea of lonely
The taste of ink is getting old
It's four o' clock in the fucking morning
Each day gets more and more like the last day
Still I can see it coming
While I'm standing in the river drowning
This could be my chance to break out
This could be my chance to say goodbye
At last it's finally over
Couldn't take this town much longer
Being half dead wasn't what I planned to be
Now I'm ready to be free
So here I am it's in my hands
And I'll savor every moment of this
So here I am alive at last
And I'll savor every moment of this
And won't you think I'm pretty
When I'm standing top the bright lit city
And I'll take your hand and pick you up
And keep you there to so you can see
As long as you're alive and care
I promise I will take you there
And we'll drink and dance the night away
As long as you're alive
Here I am
I promise I will take you there
Poetic Tragedy
The cup is not half empty as pescimists say
as far as he's sees nothings left in the cup
a whole cup full of nothing for him to induldge
since the voice of ambition has long since been shut up
a singer, a writer, he's not dreaming now of going nowhere
he gave heed to nothing, and all that he was....
is just a tragedy
so he voyages in circles
succeeds getting nowhere
and submits to the substance
that first got him there
than in violent, frustration he cries out to God or just no one
is there a point to this madness and all that he was....
is just a tragedy
he feels alone
his heart in his hand
he's alone
he feels alone
I feel....
then on that last day he breaks
and he stood tall
and he yelled... and he takes his life
8 kids |
you worry too much |
::
2003 10 August :: 9.42 pm
more rambles...
im wearing the same shirt i have had on since friday...
i realized i dont like listening to other peoples problems...maybe they feel the same when i complain.
banks and conway on that movie the Mighty Ducks are so dead sexy.
i guess i have work tomorrow? hey if i show up they have no choice but to pay me right?!
lets pretend i care for awhile.......ok thats enough,
i have been sick for a week now...it sucks.
1 kid |
you worry too much |
::
2003 10 August :: 6.59 pm
:: Music: the distillers-oh lordy
random thoughts...
some guy just came to the door here to pick up a little black dog...I was confused..come to find out they were looking for the barkers whoever the hell they are.
ramen noodles are so cheap...yet so good.
how come when people wear a lot of black they are considered goth? maybe they just like the color. if you wear all pink, is there a label for that?
why in the hell is Tony Avink popular...he is the stupidest kid I have EVER met in my entire life.
how does Dickies make the most comfortable pants ever?
I want to be on jeopardy just to write my name in the blue box thing. (doubt I could pass the test to make it on the show)
why are guys that wear pink so appealing to me?
if I was a guy Id so want Tara Reid. dont get freaked out...im not bi i swear.
im done.
10 kids |
you worry too much |
::
2003 9 August :: 10.41 pm
I once liked the color yellow
I once listened to country music
I once wore expensive brands
I once liked nsync
I once judged people on their looks
I once cared about material things
I once wanted to be rich
I once wanted to date the most popular guy in class
I once wanted to be on the basketball team
I once wanted to be popular
I once wanted to be someone else
I once cared what other people thought
I once liked veggies
I once wanted to impress a guy
I once…
The whole point of this is.... guess what… people change..I changed, get over it.
3 kids |
you worry too much |
::
2003 9 August :: 7.01 pm
I have discovered my song writing has improved greatly...
the last two songs I wrote even impressed me after reading them..and that doesnt happen often.
hmmmm...I guess that makes me smile. im a bit proud..
not really.
you worry too much |
::
2003 9 August :: 6.25 pm
:: Music: taking back sunday-your so last summer
sitting at home...there was no work today...*smiles* I think Im actually done..there supposed to call tomorrow and tell us if we dont work anymore...I have a feeling I'll be getting a call. I blew my first paycheck, ALL of it...how did I know I would do that. ah well...I got stuff I wanted, not needed..wanted.
things are wierd between myself and I...Im very confused about...well everything. i need to see certain people to figure out my feelings. i really need to go back to school..as much as I hate saying that, it would help me out a lot. I guess im kinda anxious to get back to school...just to see people.mmmm hmmmm....
about a week ago I looked out the window and cried...it was so wierd. it was raining and I just looked outside...kinda blankly staring..thinking about everything all at once and I guess I just broke down. it was nice in a way, and it was desperately needed.
i feel a sense of sadness in this entry..maybe because truely I am.
you worry too much |
::
2003 8 August :: 9.28 pm
:: Music: hot hot heat-get in or get out
i just spent way too much money, lol. but i got a sweater with ears...ya cant get much better than that.
im at my grandmas..she finally has a computer but its so old I cant download messenger....i will find a way..hehehe
anyways im gonna go admire my care bears sweater.
1 kid |
you worry too much |
::
2003 7 August :: 5.56 pm
:: Music: motion city soundtrack-the future freaks me out
mmmm hmmm....
I love this freaking band! anyways.... today was....ummm...yeah. it rained. i love the rain...well work is going faster, i think Im finally used to the time. i like pretty much everyone on my crew now...which is VERY suprising. well this is pointless, im gonna go um...do nothing. yup thats right.
1 kid |
you worry too much |
::
2003 4 August :: 3.44 pm
:: Music: halo friendlies-sellout
Vans Warped Tour
Well the tour was yesterday! That was like the best day ever I swear, nothing really went wrong. We got there and only saw 3 people from cedar but thats a good thing. I have never seen so many converse chucks in my life, lol. it was cool seeing all the people there cuz they dress like completely punk. First band we saw was The Starting Line..that was a bad mosh pit expierence, I was violated more in that 2 minutes being in there then I have been my whole life! fucking people..then we saw S.T.U.N. and they were pretty good..after that was simple plan, and that went well. it was funny people were throwing bottles at them and so piere (lead singer) cant spell his name, like flipped them off and told them all to fuck off, haha. after that we went and saw Tsunami Bomb, it was so awesome..we got like the best spots so we could see the band perfectly, and after that we went and met all of them and got our stuff signed. then we saw motion city soundtrack which was good, then we saw slick-shoes, they suck pretty bad..I like all of them but the lead singer, then we saw Count the Stars, they were pretty good, then we saw brand new...kinda boring. then Vendetta Red, then finally the All American Rejects and I got Tyson Ritters(lead singers) autograph and he winked at me, hehe. Than David from Simple Plan came out and I got his autograph and touched his shoulder...yeah thats right, lol. hes like as short as me! Anyways after that we hung out watching the All American Rejects for awhile. Then left and went to our hotel, it was so cool we were walking down the hall and we see Chuck (drummer from simple plan) going up the elevator, cuz it was a glass one and he like quickly looked away, lol. then we were walking around forever trying to find him, and we saw him in the computer room downstairs and another guy from simple plan went in there and talked to him, we were gonna go get a picture but we didnt want to like bother him so we didnt. ah well, it was cool to see them. I saw Chuck once before like just pulling this cart thing, out by all the people, and I looked at him so he looked down, so I wouldnt noitce him but I was like you rock so he turned around and gave me the rock on sign and said thanks, so that was cool. anyways I had SO much fun and Im deffiantely going again next year!
3 kids |
you worry too much |
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2003 1 August :: 8.49 pm
:: Music: the yeah yeah yeahs-coldlight
my computer has been gone for a few days because its a peice of shit and wait it still is. anyways
I have been working at the farm, so its like welcome back to hell stacy! I fucking
hate that job, not because of the work...simply the people. especially the
preppy rockford BITCHES! so many stupid fights with people there about.....
NOTHING! GAH! Im suprised I havent gone insane yet! My hands are all sliced up, bledding,raw and
it hurts to use them....yes what fun it is! Work sucks...people suck. I hate all people.
well expect for a select few. Luckily we got are crews swrithced, so were in Phil and Peters crew,
which kicks major ass....live music and phils funny storys, lol. oh and erika of course..
I have laughed more today with her then in my whole life i swear, lol.
In conclusion my hands hurt and I still smell like corn.
1 kid |
you worry too much |
::
2003 25 July :: 9.25 pm
I think i figured out life....i think.
well life is based on one thing and thats relationships. whether its friends, romantic or family relationships. its pretty fucked up. relationships causes everything. like the way other people feel, to how you feel, it clashes, then people get pissed.
with friends its constant backstabbing and talking about the other friend. then getting caught in a lie, having 2 friends hate you, or just one or being in the middle. then having a fight for a week, making up a week later, then saying all the bad things you said about them wasnt true, when in the back of your mind its exactly what you thought. but by all means do i not mean that theres nothing positive out of friendships, im just focusing on the bad for this entry.
then theres the romantic relationships. ah yes, those. a lot of the time people are blinded by love or what they call love, whatever they want to believe. these reltaionships fail, usually always. im not saying they always do but usually yes. i guess its the whole thing where you wont have the same feelings forever. who knows if you will, maybe, maybe not. the most confusing part is the change from friends to "dating". it either works out or it doesnt. you either realize you were better as friends, you now hate them, or it works, not likely.
im not sure why im writing this, i guess because i realized just today that relationships are the causes of all feelings. yes i am very slow. no one cares about other things. other people cause your pain. or your happiness. its always other people and why....because when it comes down to it we all care about what other people think too much....even me when I dont give a fuck about what people think about me..but then again I do, but thats only the people I care about, I do care what they think, but im starting not to. im just lettin go of it all. fuck it.
1 kid |
you worry too much |
::
2003 25 July :: 6.18 pm
:: Music: The Used-bulimic
what the fuck, honestly...what the fuck.
im being stupid again. im thinking too much. Im in denial that I am in denial of denial. yup thats about it.
5 kids |
you worry too much |
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2003 24 July :: 5.07 pm
He smiled and said hi than kinda laughed...I guess because of the akwardness.
2 kids |
you worry too much |
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2003 24 July :: 4.00 pm
:: Music: mxpx-want ad
things are looking up.
i think.
1 kid |
you worry too much |
::
2003 23 July :: 10.45 pm
its amazing how people talk and everything they say is 100% BULLSHIT.
100% absolute bullshit.
you worry too much |
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2003 23 July :: 9.52 pm
only so much I can take.
im so fucking pissed off. i hate my fucking dad, theres only a certain amout of time I can last with him constantly putting me down and making me feel like shit. he knows he makes me upset, and the bad part is I know he likes to see me sad. it pisses me off. its like nothing I do is ever enough, if I do anything its either wrong or he makes it sound unbelieveable that I did it. i dont know anymore. i just cant take it. im stronger mentally then he'll ever be...i guess its because of him so I thank him for that otherwise all Id really like to say is i hope his life is more satisfying in hell. i guess i should just go sit in my room all alone, that sounds really good right now.
2 kids |
you worry too much |
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2003 23 July :: 11.52 am
:: Music: The yeah yeah yeahs-man
well uhhh yeah. i woke up at 6 this morning, why im not sure but I was wide awake, and I went to sleep at 3, i have the worst sleeping habits, eh.
anyways im horriable at night im finding out. i cave and let out all my feelings, its like i have no control at night, hmmm...then the next day I regret it. not what I say, because its honest, but that I cave so easily. ah well.
I heard something yesterday and I liked it, it was...*drum roll* ok not really anyways.."you want a man that will hold the door open for you for the rest of your life". I just think that says a lot. to me the little things like that matter the most....yup.
well not sure what im up to this week. i think my job is gonna start next monday *crosses fingers* I can only hope, if it doesnt im fucked. anyways im gonna go!
you worry too much |
::
2003 21 July :: 8.24 pm
:: Music: Garbage-only happy when it rains
things have been wierd lately. kinda with just everything...kinda vague there. i mean like everyone is sad, like they fake their happiness when their really sad inside. I dont mean anything by that, cuz Im like that all the time. but I cant help and wonder what people expect out of others, or me. or what i should expect out of other people.
it seems like im always getting proved wrong by an idiot that doesnt know what there saying...or just has the answer they want made up in their mind..its like im a pawn. if that makes any sense.
im starting to kind of let go and not try things anymore. i pick up my guitar then i realize i cant play it and i dont try, I just set it back down and get frustrated. meh....not really sure whats going on with me. i really dont know. im trying hard to figure out what i want and im not even sure, confusing as fuck....im just gonna go.
you worry too much |
::
2003 21 July :: 2.13 pm
You're Hyde!
Which That 70's Show Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
I love that show! Hyde is the best, am i just saying that because thats who I got.....of course not! *sly grin*
you worry too much |
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