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angel_bob

:: 2007 18 November :: 10.11pm

You don't have to read this.
I am uber-depressed. This shit sucks, bitches.

I am still having serious trouble readjusting. I am not going to class, slacking off when I actually am in class, not writing papers until late or not at all...it's like work is the only thing I am doing. And I latch onto that to get me through the day.

It's like after four months of vacation, I can't do anything but be very lazy. It's a good thing I'm not the only one feeling like this or I'd think I was crazy.

I can totally see how that girl who went to France a few years ago dropped out of school and wasn't able to make it through. I just feel like I can't do this. And this is a thousand times easier than being in France.

It's like I can't do life anymore. This is so frustrating.

I went to help with the study abroad orientation and the coordinator of the program asked if any of us were having or had trouble with reverse culture shock. We said yeah and then she asked how bad it was. I said it was just as bad as adjusting to France but it's not. It's much, much worse. I've been home for longer than I was gone and I'm still having trouble. No one cares about my pictures, my stories, I have to work, pay bills, write papers, go to class, be in Michigan, talk to people on a consistent basis.

Oh, and the cat we were going to get died the weekend before we were going to get him.

The end.

5 Broken hearts | Crush me


angel_bob

:: 2007 9 November :: 5.12pm

We are getting another cat. This girl in my science class has a dairy farm, or her parents do, and they have this indoor cat wandering around getting into trouble. It fell in a bucket of milk already.

He is fixed but still has claws (so does The Baron so it's okay). He will be joining our household on Monday so I am thinking of names.

I want him to have a title like our Baron von Richthofen so I've been going through the presidents.

None of these names can be stolen or your soul is mine etc etc.:
Mewtherford B Hayes (I woke up with this name in my head. I don't know why. It's my favorite by far.)

Mewman Capote or Truman Clawpote or Trumew Capote (He is black and white so it'd fit with Truman Capote's Black and White Ball.)

Mewlysses S Grant (Hannah says I cannot name our cat after this drunk, useless president but the name is too awesome. I promised not to do it unless the cat has a swagger. And even then, only barely. She says Mewtherford B Hayes is better since he fixed all of Mewlysses' mistakes.)

Charles G Paws (While not a president, Charles G Dawes is Hannah's favorite Vice-President so he still has a title. Also, Dawes died in the city I was born in so it's like we're connected already. Also, he looks like Houdini. Seriously. So that makes him ten times awesome.)

Jean-Luc Pawcard (Title: Captain, of course.)

Meowssolini (Title: Dictator)

William Henry Harrison (My favorite president. I think his name can stay as it is.)

Walter Clawncrite (Title: Mr. Awesome)

These I don't have titles for, they're just cat names I have lying around:

Atticus Finch

Rufus

Billy Pilgrim (Billy Pawgrim?)


I'm really leaning toward Mewtherford B Hayes. Nick probably won't like it but he doesn't like The Baron's name either.


I love you all.

P.S. Urgent message from The Baron: "3
m wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww eeee m, jk['jk['jk['jk['jk['jk['jk['jk['jk['p;[;p l,jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmjkjki-=["

2 Broken hearts | Crush me


.j.e.s.s.

:: 2007 9 November :: 1.35pm

i dont know what is going on with my life. maybe this is the changing point. how long can you go on not knowing?

i'm scared that ..........blhe bandlkfjalsdkjflkgja;ldkgjasldkgjasldkgjsldg

2 Broken hearts | Crush me


angel_bob

:: 2007 8 November :: 9.59am

I'm wishing my life was a Jane Austen novel again. That would be great.

3 Broken hearts | Crush me


angel_bob

:: 2007 7 November :: 4.46pm

The soup turned out okay, I guess. It didn't really taste like anything at all. Well, no. It tasted like a bunch of things but none of them were particularily good or delicious.

It was a decent first try. Especially since I had no idea what I was doing. At all. And I just threw things together.

I think my dad misses me a lot. He said that there are cooking lessons at D&W we can do together and we can go to one of those places where you make a week's worth of meals. His excuse was that Nick mentioned I don't cook but I really know that he misses me a bunch.

In other news, GHIII is awesome. Nick and I did career co-op and it was a bunch of fun.

2 Broken hearts | Crush me


.j.e.s.s.

:: 2007 7 November :: 2.56pm

me and jess tried on wedding dresses together today.

i'm not sure which one i want. she is though

Crush me


angel_bob

:: 2007 6 November :: 6.25pm

I am experimentally cooking soup with beans. This experimental cooking did not go well last time but we will see.

And you shall know the result.

1 Broken heart | Crush me


.j.e.s.s.

:: 2007 4 November :: 7.45pm

sometimes i just wonder what would happen if i just dropped out of school. i hate it so much it makes me so frustrated. there really is nothing i enjoy about it. nothing i get out of it. i've learned a few things ..... the only class i really liked and i didn't even like it that much i just found it relatively interesting was medical terminology.

it is stupid. fuck. i should just drop out and i'm not getting anywhere anyway. fuck fuck fuck. i wish i could just move to florida with my parents.

1 Broken heart | Crush me


angel_bob

:: 2007 3 November :: 8.45pm

NaNoWriMo is sucking so far. I haven't written a thing. It's my fault too but it still sucks.


I am lame teh end.

3 Broken hearts | Crush me


angel_bob

:: 2007 1 November :: 2.37pm

I got pulled over because Nick's tags are expired and then I didn't have my license.

The guy was nice and let me go.

P.S. My speech went well.

2 Broken hearts | Crush me


eddy

:: 2007 31 October :: 10.20am


Song or Suicide

Sorrow rebuild me as I step out of the light
Misery strengthen me as I say my goodbyes

I heal my wounds with grief
And dream of you
And weep myself alive

Sleepwalking Past Hope

I hid the keys to unlock love's heart
To hold you in my sweetest pain and suffering
Everything's unfair in our lust and war
Redemption beyond right and wrong

In our hearts love keeps sweet-talking to despair
And goes on sleepwalking past hope
All is lost in this war
And all we can do is to wail and weep to the saddest song
Sleepwalking past hope

I unlit the light to embrace the dark
To be near but not to turn into you my darling
Forever we're lost in our souls' storm
Reflections of each other's faults

I gave up long ago
Painting love with crimson flow
Ran out of blood and hope
So I paint you no more


My hell begins from the 10th and descends to the circle
Six hundred threescore and six
And from there I crawl beneath Lucifer's claws just for one last kiss

2 Broken hearts | Crush me


anachronism

:: 2007 30 October :: 3.33pm
:: Mood: thoughtful
:: Music: The Kinks

Quotes.
Joe recently posted old quotes from my journal and it got me thinking of how I made a word document of all of the quotes over the years and it ended up being 58 pages in size 10 font. Nice, huh? Anyway, here are all of the quotes basically ever quoted for you to save and probably eventually actually get through! Enjoy.

Read more..

8 Broken hearts | Crush me


eddy

:: 2007 30 October :: 10.35am

I've decided I can't do art anymore.
Not...straight art anyway. Like..drawing and painting and such. I can't help but feel creative in most things. But as for just plain drawing, I don't think I can do it anymore.

And I've also decided that I'm going to give up on almost everything. Except for pure friendship. And see where I will end up.

I hold on to too much pointlessness...

3 Broken hearts | Crush me


eddy

:: 2007 30 October :: 8.37am
:: Music: Daniel Lioney


Who knew celebrities had their own myspaces? Like, for reals.

They're hard to find, but they're out there.

=]

Crush me


angel_bob

:: 2007 29 October :: 10.27pm

No offense but how can you not believe in things that exist?

Saying you don't believe in love or monogamy or marriage is ridiculous. It's like saying you don't believe in the sun. Sorry but it's there and it's real. Maybe you don't believe in the sun because you've lived in Seattle all your life and never seen it or you had a bad experience and got a sunburn but the sun is still there. It still exists.

1 Broken heart | Crush me


angel_bob

:: 2007 29 October :: 9.47am

I also have a test today I totally forgot about. Yay.

Crush me


angel_bob

:: 2007 28 October :: 11.11pm

So I'm pretty sure I've got the same depression thing my mom has. Which is awesome. Not. I'm happy for two or two and a half weeks out of every month. Yay. I don't know. I'll go to the doctor and check it out.

Also, I am having a very had time getting back into the whole school thing. And the whole work thing. Not awesome.

In other news, speech on Thursday, two papers due on Tuesday (one I can turn in on Thurs but...speech), NaNo meetup on Wednesday (if I end up going), then NaNoWriMo starts. Big week coming up. Not excited anymore. The timing is bad and I CHOSE the day of my speech. Good job, me. Not.

Also, feeling alienated and like an outsider again. So, that's funny.

I'm going to go write my speech now.

2 Broken hearts | Crush me


.j.e.s.s.

:: 2007 28 October :: 8.49pm

so today .... was like the worst day ever.

except i bought a new camera. i know i know why why why but i can't stand not havin a camera. and this one is really cool i hope it's really as awesome as i think it is.

it has a million settings and stuff.

now if only my man would come home...where is he? work.......

stupid work and stuff. stupid stupid. what an awful day.

i thought wer were gonna see a movie today but ... doubt it.

4 Broken hearts | Crush me


eddy

:: 2007 27 October :: 5.16pm

HIM
Well, as Addison has given the analytical view, I will give the fun, fan view. =P

Well, I made it, there were quite a few times where I didn't think I'd be able to. about 30 hours without sleep, plus about a gazillion cigarette's worth of smoke making me sick to my stomach. I made it through the whole show okay. =]

The lights went dark, and Linde starts playing. for about 30 seconds....
Then finally, the lights come on, and Gas, Mige, and Burton join in. And finally (honestly, I don't even know where he came from, he was just suddenly there =/ ) Ville comes out, and even better, with a giant smile on his face, like there was no where else he'd rather be right then. Thats a great impression to give, I think. It was contagious in any case. =]

And so they opened with "Passion's Killing Floor" and continued on through many of my favorites.

I was very impressed. I always knew they were fantastic live, from watching other live videos and hearing other people's recounts from shows they had been to. But when you're actually there yourself, it is so much different.

I literally had to force myself to stay awake, having gone nearly 30 hours without sleep, but I just couldn't miss it. At one point, I had to leave our spot up front, and at least make a pit stop to the bathroom, watching the rest of the show from the back, but it was all good. It was a small theatre, and you could still see them quite well from the back, and plus, you could really see all the guys at once, without having to try and peer over people's heads.

After the show, Erica comes up to me and says, "Eddy! Eddy, come here! Is that Bam!?!" Haha, sadly, it wasn't, he was a very good look-alike (intentional) and people were calling him 'Bam' but it wasn't. And plus he sounded nothing like him. I wish I had gotten a picture of him though. When Erica pointed him out to me, he looked at us, and it would have been a bit awkward for me to pull out my camera and take a picture I think.

Before the show, Mige came out, and was signing autographs, and taking pictures and what not. I was on the phone, and I'm a bit shy =/ so I kinda...didn't run up to him or anything (even though he was 5 feet away) and just continued in the line. I kind of felt bad, like I was ignoring him or something, lol. After the show we went and were waiting a little bit by the bus. When Mige was the first one out, and he had a small group gathering around him. Then he walked by us, and I was too damned shy to ask for a picture again. v_v There were some dumbasses there who kept, almost literally plastering themselves against the bus' door, and even one girl who opened the door and went to go inside. (she didn't realize there were already security people and whatnot in there) And even one girl who....was quite....disgustingly freaky. She had one of those liberty spikes-shaved head things going on, with fishnet panty hose, shiny red leather skirt, and even better...a fish net shirt. Completely fishnet shirt. She was wearing stickers if you know what I mean.
The security guard was getting super pissed at people, which I don't blame him. I think I would have too. XD At one point, the semi was backing up to the trailer of all their equipment, and was about 10 feet away from the trailer when a couple more dumbasses decided that that was enough room to run between a moving semi and the trailer it was trying to back up to.

At one point, a car drives by, and a guy sticks his head out the window, and asks what band had played that night. I say "HIM" and show him the flier I had in my hand. And he says "Ahhh, Bam Margera's Band" I'm like "Yeah.........................." Fuckin' tard. I like Bam, I do. But I hate when people think Bam brought HIM in to existence. True, many in America didn't know about HIM before Bam advertised them. But claiming that HIM is Bam's band....come on. Be a little more ignorant.

Anyway, after a bit of excitement of that sort, I started to feel even more nauseous, and decided I couldn't wait for Ville or the others to come out. And we started to head back to the car. I walked about 10 steps and seriously felt like throwing up, so I kneeled down on the ground, ready to do so. =/ That's when Linde came out and got on the bus. (no point to the story but I thought Id share that part =] ) So after about 4 or 5 mins of sitting on the ground, I felt alright to get back up and head to the car again. I didn't actually throw up, which I was glad for. A little ways on we heard the screams that meant that Ville had finally come out, and watched as the door of the bus became a giant mob of screaming girls. Honestly, with all he has, sometimes I really feel sorry for that man. (I know what some of you are thinking at this point, and fyi, no, I would not ><) So, I finally got to the car and we headed to Jessa's, (Thank you sooooooooooo much for letting us stay!!) Where I fell asleep within half an hour of walking in the door, and when Jessa decided she wanted to take pictures of me sleeping, apparently and persuaded Addison to do the same ><

When we got up, we specifically searched around Chicago for a Long John Silvers. =] It was fun! And we did eventually find it, so it was even better. At which point we decided it was time to go home. And so we did. Got home about 7:30 last night, where I slept, had to get up at 10 to go to work, got home this morning and slept til about 3. Which brings me to this point now. =]

I'm so ready to do it again.

Pictures!!

2 Broken hearts | Crush me


eddy

:: 2007 24 October :: 9.45pm

I want one of these, but I think it would piss me off too much.

Watch the video!

Click Me

2 Broken hearts | Crush me


eddy

:: 2007 24 October :: 10.12am

I'm Going Slightly Mad
For some strange reason he reminds me of John Brooks in this video.

Read more..

Click Me

I don't know what my sudden fascination with Freddie Mercury is today, but I was looking up photos, and came across this site here.

Good god, I just want to punch people like that in the face. What makes them think they are able to judge anyone?

EDIT: Damn, link isn't working for some reason. I'll just post the article here and cut it.

Read more..

Crush me


eddy

:: 2007 20 October :: 4.35pm

Prepare to laugh. XD

Captain Planet

Kick ass.

EDIT:
Bloopers

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angel_bob

:: 2007 17 October :: 7.24pm

I am getting more and more excited about NaNoWriMo. My 1667 words a day ends up being two and a half pages, single-spaced, in a 12 pt font. Which is less than a paper so I can do it.

Even if it is a paper a day.

Also, I scheduled classes for next semester.

Also, you're adopted. So that's funny.

Crush me


angel_bob

:: 2007 16 October :: 1.22pm

The cake is a lie
I beat Portal yesterday. It is quite possibly the best game ever with the best ending ever and the best script ever.

Seriously. Ever.

5 Broken hearts | Crush me


eddy

:: 2007 15 October :: 9.18pm


Who dreams about Napoleon Bonaparte wanting to get with them?

Me, apparently.

2 Broken hearts | Crush me


.j.e.s.s.

:: 2007 11 October :: 12.33am

Tonight roman and i went out to east beltline- got coffee at beaners and then went into pet supplies plus and saw these bunnies and the woman let me hold one and then let roman hold the other and they were these dwarf bunnies and we want one really bad. i know that's bad- our apt is going to be all gross with pets but not really but we want one becaue they were so adorable and the woman said that they can be litter box trained and stuff and that they are good pets and you can let them out and hop around and stuff.

so yeah i duno. we might get a bunny i think.

and then we looked at halloween costumes . but we need to find something fun to do on halloween before we go and buy the costumes becaues they are expensive.
but if we do go somewhere we want to look all cute and costumey.

annnd then we went to the IMAX and saw transformers. i had never been there before so it was pretty neat. it was making me a little nauseous though because it is so big and stuff.

and other than that, i want to quit school because seriously i am doing really horrible and i studied hard and thought i did quite well on that last test and i did awful. i'm so pissed. at myself, at the class, at davenport, at the test. they are horrible tests. they are hard and confusing and stupid.

ugh

but seriously i don't want to be a fricken failure. i want to have a career. i dont want to just be a little housewife with kids. i mean, seriously- i dont care if it sounds pathetic to some people but that is my number one thing i look forward to - i look foward to having a family and raising our kids and being the perfect mother and wife. that is number one on my list and always will be but i reallly feel like i won't feel like i accomplished as much as i could have. i'll feel like i failed or like i didn't reach my potential. like... i have to have a CAREER too. at some point. you know? my mom regrets it so much and i don't want to have that same regret.

I hate school so much though. and i honestly really really don't have any idea what i would be good at.

but i'm shadowing this guy's that my dad knows daughter. ( i know i wrote that all wrong i dont care right now) and she is a nurse so i guess i'll find out then if i could handle it or not. which i know i probably can't. ughghghghgh hwhatever.

and anyway i like midnite sun and cruise and getting tan and sexy now if only i could get myself to start fricken working out . seriously. i need to get serious about that. i really really do. i just feel like a moron in front of all those muscley guys. eww and i don't want to run on the tredmills and fall on my face like on a tv show. i'd be so embarassed. and it would hurt. i can't run on those treadmills. i'm not coordinated enough to do that and listen to my earphones and sing MY hUMPS in my head and watch the tvs with no sound and worry about what people are thinking of me and check my heart rate all at the same time.

HOW DO YOU PEOPLE DO IT. HOW DO YOU RUN ON TREADMILLS.

and that m y friend is the question of the day. how DO you people run on treadmills.

SHIT.


shoot.

well goodnight. any advice is welcomed.


4 Broken hearts | Crush me


.j.e.s.s.

:: 2007 9 October :: 6.29pm

i'm quite sure one of the many reasons i am not doing well in this stupid one night a week, three hour class is that there are computers in here. this a fricken computer lab. not a classroom. dude. seriously. it's 6 at night-there are plenty of other classrooms but no they stick us in a classroom with computers with access to facebook and myspace and woohu and email. ughghghhh and then the boredom hits and i'm online.

i've never done so bad in school. i think it's a sign. i shouldn't be a nurse. i doubt i can handle it. i'm compassionate but i'm too compasionate i cry whenever someone else gets tears in their eyes. i'd be walking around crying 24/7 and my waterproof makeup wouldn't hold up and also would clog my pores.

fuck you davenport .....i have such mixed feelings towards you- you gave me so much money and a good oppurtunity but no choices.

i think maybe we should break up. how do you feel about that davenport? i think maybe you are no good for me and i am getting no where being with you.

is anyone good at statistics? i'm not.

i really should just leave this class. i think i may. there's no point in me being here. i leave with pointless notes that i never ever look at. they mean nothing to me.

damnit.
stupid college. What else could i do with my life? seriously i dont think i would be good at anything. i'll be a good mom and that's really pretty much it.
i duno. gotta check homework i'm sure i'll be back

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angel_bob

:: 2007 9 October :: 12.06am

I am very angry and bitchy.

Last theology class tomorrow.

Tired.

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.j.e.s.s.

:: 2007 8 October :: 3.28pm

goodbye red robin hooray!!!

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.j.e.s.s.

:: 2007 8 October :: 12.06am

So today i was in a really horrible mood. really life isn't that bad. i am just really really stressed and overwhelmed. i have too much stuff going on.

what it comes down to is that i am horrible at making decisions. and yeah

gosh now i forgot what i was going to say.

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