Dear sweet Christ.
I've been devastated by crepes. They've ruined my life. But that's not important right now. I've been reading my hand written journals from tenth grade, and can I just say, God damn. I think I just found the sex story that my teachers read on here. Jesus. It's really not bad. The ending sucks, though. My endings always suck. But the point here, kids, is holy shit, that's funny! I was watching TV the other day and I heard this techno song and it reminded me of this really hot substitute that worked at the High School a few times who was REALLY awesome and who I got along really well with. I'll probably never see him again, and that is sad. But shit happens. I've live with it, and wonder what became of him for literally the rest of my life. I really miss CW. I have all summer, but now, reading in my journals about how I loved him and wanted to rape him and all this shit, well, I still feel that way. I haven't changed as much as I would like to think, but that's okay. I dated a lot of people in tenth grade. Well, three, but that's a lot for one school year. I miss some of the stuff that happened, but, as I told my father, I would rather kill myself than go back there because I do NOT want to relive everything that happened. No thanks. I'd end up killing myself, anyway. I miss Peter. I can't tell, though, if the pain has lessened or if I've just numbed myself to it. I've been really wanting a kid again. I keep having dreams about the kids at work. And speaking of dreams, last night I dreamt that I was dating this fat Spanish or black guy who thought my name was Emily because that's what I told him it was. I was also hanging out with Lisa, Bobby, and some other random people. Lisa and I were in this restaurant place waiting for a bus or something to come and take us on a tour to the High School. I think it might have also been a trip to go back in time and see what we were like. I ordered a certain meal, and they gave me a couple plates of food. While I was eating one of them, they would keep replacing the other one with something else. I was pissed. I was walking around looking at the rest of the place and this woman from work kept screaming at me so I kept screaming at her and we REALLY wanted to kill each other. She was apparently Bobby's mother. He kept helping me to try and get away from her. There was this one candy store or something where if you went inside, when you walked out, it transported you to a different part of the building which was in a different world. That happened to Bobby and I, and I was flipping out because we couldn't find the candy store to get back. He was trying to comfort me, and suggested we just look around to see if we could at least find something to do, and that we could look for the store later. I agreed and we got in line for some rollercoaster/ flume ride/ God knows what. Oh; but as we were walking up to buy tickets, I told him something like, " At least we're away from Lisa, now. Maybe she won't be able to find us when she comes looking for you. " He said, " Too late. " And gestured to the ticket counter. Lisa was there, and we all started talking about God knows what. So that was a very strange dream. I've been having a lot of dreams lately when someone's younger brother has to comfort me. Odd. Anyhow, I really should go to bed. I won't, but I'm leaving anyway. Fairwell. Who knows when I'll write again?

Burned Out