Washington D.C.
Just to give you an idea of how big and beautiful this campus is: I went outside for a cigarette Thursday night and the techno music Dakota put on my MP3 player spurred me to go for a walk around campus. I wandered down towards the front gate, intending to take a right and walk up the hill towards the TCU building. After I passed the Rec, however, I stopped and spent about fifteen minutes observing a deer, a young buck, grazing in the big field in the center of campus. A couple of times he looked at me dead-on and I just stared back, hoping he'd realize I planned on leaving him alone and continue eating, which he did. After a few more minutes of grass munching and cleaning himself, he bent his legs and just plopped down in the middle of the field to relax. Thursday was interesting for other reasons as well. I had my first TCU classes, which I really enjoyed. After my tearful breakdown on Wednesday, during which I vaguely considered whether or not I really wanted to do this, it felt wonderful to be occupied with work to do. I hadn't had anything productive to do at Westover for a while. Keyboarding was frustrating, it brought me to tears a couple of times, but I was still emotional from such a big change and from being sick. I went to the new student luncheon which was very nice. They fed us real steak. I spoke with a sexy, black staff member. I can't remember his name or job title (which is for the best because due to the trouble I got into with this on line journal before, I will be changing everyone's names in here, anyway). After that, me, my roommate (who is also a TCU transfer student), and the CPP all trooped down to the front gate to get our IDs. I couldn't stop looking at the startling difference bwetween when I first arrived at Westover and how I look now. While waiting for everyone else to finish, an 18 year old CPP boy who goes by " D " was messing with Jim, a 24 year old CPP man. I already had a lot of respect for Jim because he's mature and serious about getting this done. I wasn't going to say anything to D, but he involved me somehow, by asking for my opinion on the situation or something like that. I said I'd sooner listen to Jim than to him and when he asked why, I explained, " Because he exhibits maturity and you, quite frankly, do not. " D wasn't pleased and said that I thought I was so mature just because I'm in an advanced trade, but that I am no, in fact, mature. He didn't know me at all, I barely speak around people here, and being in an advanced trade doesn't make me mature in itself, but I certainly had to be mature to get there, now didn't I? I didn't say all of that, I just told him he was right, with barely any sarcasm in my voice, just to end the conversation. I heard him talking to Jim after that and refer to me as Jim's girlfriend. That's not childish at all. Calling someone a person's significant other because they stood up for that person and expressed their opinion unabashedly. I was going to skip dinner and try to locate a convenience store, but I got hungry upon seeing the cafeteria. I got my dinner and thankfully found a table to myself. After a little while, though, Tony (the first person I met here, who showed me around a little bit and is actually taking OA himself right now) motioned for me to come and sit at his table where he was sitting with his friend Ron. Ron warned me to stay away from a couple of people, Tony piping up telling me not to listen to him and that I could hang out with whomever I want to. I did listen, though. Whenever someone says that, you have to at least hear them out, especially in a place like this. One person he warned me about is Kasey. I could tell by the way he immediately referred to her as a " crazy bitch " that she was his ex. Tony said she is known as The CPP Slut. In my eyes, she is this center's version of a certain Westover female trainee we've all noticed gets around pretty quickly, only Kasey isn't as nice and seems crazier. I found out today, actually, that she, too, was going around telling people she was pregnant. Oh, the irony of thinking you're going somewhere different and the people are almost exact copies of each other! I was also warned about Bible (clearly not his real name, but I witnessed a very emotional religious debate at dinner tonight between him and one of my aquaintances and he is indeed a bible thumper, hick accent included). Bible had given me the creeps even before I found out his story. I saw him at the Rec while Ron, Tony, and I were on the hunt for cigarettes (which are called " jack " here instead of " bogies "). He recognized me from the brief but still too long for me exchange of words we had in the TCU building. Yes, he is in some of my classes. May God have mercy on my soul. So Bible saw me and said, " Hey, I didn't really get a chance to talk to you earlier. " I thought to myself, Which is perfectly fine by me. He introduced himself and started pulling out his ID. I didn't understand why until he told me that most people don't believe his name is his REAL name and they think it's a nickname. I was too nice to point out that I didn't really care either way, and certainly not enough to demand to see his identification. While he went to " take care of one quick thing, " I seized my exit and went out to smoke with Ron and Tony.

More tomorrow, I must take my leave for the night...

Burned Out