toki
|
::
2006 13 February :: 11.40am
Not looking forward to school. Not looking forward to this week. Feeling sick, so that's no fun. I swear, I'm done with school.
I think I'm going to change my major. To media arts. I have to take drawing classes though. And if you know me, you know my drawing abilities are slim to none.
Oh well. We shall see. I don't have to officially decide until after 1st quarter next year.
Good news: I can finish everything by the end of my junior year. 18 classes for media arts and 6 more if I minor in english. Most media art people minor in communication. I really don't want to. Communications doesn't really enthrall me. But what can you do with a media arts major and english minor?
I don't know. We shall see, friends.
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
|
|
toki
|
::
2006 12 February :: 12.06pm
I Miss...
*my computer.
*going to a school that's 5 minutes away.
*having something to be proud of.
*belonging to a group.
*Elisa and Meenal.
*photo class.
*doing things I actually like.
*not having to pretend like I'm okay.
*being able to tell people that I'm upset with them. Not that I could ever really do that.
*'dates' with good friends.
*Caribou talks.
*huge sleepovers at Jorie's house.
*being a hobbit.
*Lord of the Rings.
*having people to talk to at school.
*being able to sleep.
*not being stressed.
*having more than two friends who want to spend time with me, no matter how awesome they are.
But I got a fuzzy green blanket full of static. So thats a good thing.
1 people are in a Solitary Shell |
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
|
sandatthebeach
|
::
2006 1 February :: 12.22am
:: Mood: frustrated
I'm so incredibly confused with...everything. The truth is...I still miss him even though I shouldn't. I hate myself sometimes...like now. I'll stop hating after a little bit...but for now...me=no love.
1 people are in a Solitary Shell |
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
|
|
toki
|
::
2006 28 January :: 9.57pm
I'm tired of living my life through other people, dammit!!!
I want my own crazy college stories.
Sadness.
2 people are in a Solitary Shell |
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
|
mudpiegrl
|
::
2006 28 January :: 6.30pm
:: Music: the strokes-"juicebox"
we didnt actually go apartment shopping. patrices mummy had an appointment and then it was too late. so we're supposed to go next week. i made oatmeal pancakes! :)
i went to orientation today at yardhouse. my shirt is a small but it goes past my butt...it's like a dress. so i admit, im never out now. it's a little boring, so i cant wait for work to be all the time. ::sigh::
i have to write a paper before tuesday and my homework for monday is to feel my face. lol. i have to find the bones and the highlights and shadows in my face so that when we do "corrective" stage-makeup, we can understand where to draw lines and how much to blend. but i've done that before for drawing, so im not too worried...
heh...this song is called "juicebox". that actually sounds really good... maybe ill watch a movie...then ill run once my food's partially digested.
that's all. :)
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
|
|
mudpiegrl
|
::
2006 26 January :: 9.06pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: Urinetown - It's a Privilege to Pee
This Last Week
i got urinetown! wooo!
tomorrow, trix and i are going to look at apartments! woo!
i got the job at yardhouse. Eight dollars an hour. twenty hours a week. that's one-sixty a week. times four is six-forty. that's a lot! woo!
i like my classes. mondays and wednesdays i go from acting to stage makeup (and on wed to molecules in art and life {chemistry}) and then tuesday and thursday i go to theories of personality (psychology) and sociology. im satisfied. :)
um...i've not been hanging out with justin since the stabbing. Read more..
That's the same thing as my xanga, if you've already read it.
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
|
|
toki
|
::
2006 17 January :: 1.39am
:: Music: Monty Python's Spamalot
It's pathetic. The times I'm most pissed at myself are when other people are down and I feel that I can't do anything about it. And I feel I even slightly caused it. I don't know, I need to remove my heart.
Replace it with cheesecake!
On a happier note:
Always look on the bright side of death!
Just before you draw your terminal breath
Life's a piece of shit,
When you look at it.
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true,
You'll see it's all a show,
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you!
2 people are in a Solitary Shell |
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
|
|
sandatthebeach
|
::
2006 18 January :: 12.20am
So...it's been awhile. I know. But I need to type somewhere that's not completely private but is somewhat forgotten. I would keep it private but I keep too many thoughts to myself and it's doing a lot more damage than good.
And I apologize in advance: this entry is about the boy.
So I admit...I've become exactly what I've always swore I wouldn't. I've become that attached girlfriend who can't stand to be away from her boyfriend. I can't stand myself right now. I swore I would never become this attached to another boy again. Not while in highschool at least. Brian left for school on Monday and let me tell you, I have not been very happy these past couple of days. Wait...he left yesterday...two days ago technically speaking. He could've left around 9 or 10 on Monday but because he wanted to check with parking services he left at 1:30...way too early. He got there...and of course...it was closed. Just my luck. My moodiness began there. I cried a lot on Monday. I was teary this morning on my way to school and during my Music Theory final, I just wanted to run outside and scream. I'm so fucking mad at myself for being this way. He hung up on me telling me I had to go to bed because I have finals tomorrow. Fuck finals...I don't even care anymore. I just want to get out of here. I want to grow and move out. I can't live here anymore...it's driving me up the freakin wall. And it's only making me hate myself more and swallowing myself up in my hatred of myself. I don't deserve to be happy therefore I am miserable. The only time I'm not miserable is when I'm with him. And that bothers me greatly...because I've become exactly what I go against. What happened to my independence? What the fuck?!!?! I let some guy throw it away...and he didn't even do it...in fact if he finds out, he'll be so incredibly mad at me. God I can't do this anymore. I'm so fucking frustrated with myself. You know what? I love him. I really really love him. I know he can be a little extreme at times and do things to make people go crazy...but I don't care. I don't care. He's the first person who has actually made me feel wanted in this world. He's the only person that I can be around without being afraid of being judged. He's the only person that has seen the real me...and that scares me in a way...because I feel like I trust him too much this soon. I mean. It has been 6 and a half months....but still....I wasn't supposed to fall for him like this yet....it wasn't part of my "plan". I'm frustrated.
Whatever.
-me-
2 people are in a Solitary Shell |
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
|
|
mudpiegrl
|
::
2006 16 January :: 7.54pm
alright. im cleaning things out. im going to go through my journal and anything about justin is going to be printed and read. ill reassess my stupidity and consider dropping him. in fact, liking him has been considered by far. i dont think i care to drop him as a friend right now, although it's probably going to happen if i move to chicago with patrice ::crosses fingers and hopes really hard::
im angry. the library doesnt have any bright eyes or the other interpol cd in right now and best buy doesnt have bright eyes at all. :(
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
|
|
mudpiegrl
|
::
2006 15 January :: 3.19pm
:: Mood: hungry
:: Music: "mistakes"-godsmack
last night i spent the night at patrices, which i know i've written about in here. it's always an awakening/realisation/relaxation/hope refiller. patrice is just great. i love her so much.
we discussed how awful it'd be to be stuck in a college campus with only college kids. we discussed moving downtown together. it'd be loads of fun and we could get along and stuff, as proved by our week at ryans.
it's sad. i realised that if i wanted to stop hanging out with justin and zak, id be left with kristen and patrice, which i dont mind. but it'd mostly be kristen, who i also love, but when it's only two of you, it's your ideas just bounced back and forth and no reformation after a while because you tend to adjust just to each other. it happend with jen and i kinda hate it. and there's patrice, but her and i have the same issue. she hates when ryans not around cuz it's like she's invading my space, which it doesnt feel like at all, but it's the same with me. i'd feel badly cuz i always feel like ryan doesnt want me around, even though i've been told otherwise.
i suppose it's a self-esteem issue, but everyone has those, right?
i talked to some friends from grade school recently. it makes me really glad i stopped hanging out with them. some of them are so shallow and others conceited and others so confused with themselves that they dont know which way to walk to their bed when it's right in front of them.
i suppose im the same way though. i know i can be egotistical and forceful and controlling and shallow and evil and soulless...but at the same time i know i cant be so awful because people still talk to me...im sure they arent that desperate.
so thanks for putting up with me, guys. im going to hang out with the buttface and ryan now. we're going shoe shopping! woo!
g'day, then!
3 people are in a Solitary Shell |
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
|
|