mudpiegrl
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2005 21 April :: 8.37am
:: Mood: lazy
my mum called mrs. firnbach and told her she was worried i wouldnt graduate ::rolls eyes::
cuz she gave me cap and gown money and i said i dont want it and she asked why and i told because i dont want to graduate, meaning, hello, i dont want to leave everything i know behind and lose half my friends and all my acquaitences in an instant. it meant that i like walking down the hall and hearing fourteen hi's and knowing everyone's name.
but of course, she thinks i will "sabotage" myself...hehe throw shoes at my self, and my bro was like no big deal she doesnt want to go through the ceremony, (see i told you shes making a big pointless deal) and my mum "rambled on" about prom and a boyfriend ::rolls eyes::
peanut butter has lost all the fun
i just feel desperate now.
its pathetic. oh well.
bye.
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mudpiegrl
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2005 21 April :: 8.04am
:: Mood: crushed
So I got the coolest ugly skirt ever. It’s awesome and I got other stuff too! Am going to have horrible blisters by the end of today. Oh well.
I really don’t want to be inside today! Grr…
Weekend? Where are you weekend? Am looking for you but you aren’t here… Where are you?
Today is the Mundelein play. Yay for Danielle and mary!
Okie…that’s really all…
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mudpiegrl
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2005 20 April :: 9.58pm
yay for oatmeal yay for new pope smell yay for skirts so ugly they're pretty yay for blue dog leashes yay for Kristen yay for elisa yay for shootings yay for better homes and gardens yay for really bad acting (or eggs) yay for stupidity yay rof sdrowkcab epyt yay for milk yay for nny yay for candle scents yay for bad friends yay for old men yay for chrystler’s spring sale event yay for html yay for feeling crappy yay for wet dog yay for abc 7 news at 10 yay for bananas yay for placentas yay for pigtails yay for grass yay for fake fire yay for waiting for darkness yay for latin yay for a yellow glow yay for green pants yay for "a grateful city and a grateful nation" yay for uic yay for blue jays yay for tigerlilies yay for funny names yay for bagdad yay for Iraqi officials yay for soccer stadiums yay for ethics yay for mean neighbours yay for dumbasses yay for betrayal yay for dirty feet yay for diabetes yay for running circus elephants yay for lacrosse yay for cash back and no down payments yay for agreeing yay for remote controls yay for instruction manuals yay for cell phones yay for short toenails yay for lowe’s yay for refletions in your backdoor yay for rocking horse people eating marshmallow pies yay for you if you got this far.
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mudpiegrl
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2005 20 April :: 9.46pm
so today could have sucked little more...
oh well.
so...yes...
who needs milk
to accompany his or her
cereal otherwise
drys your throat?
who really cares cuz
its all gone
in some time
anyway.
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sandatthebeach
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2005 20 April :: 8.26pm
SHUT UP PATRICE
I am sandy. I hate Jackie and jill. I hate everyone who's not patrice. I love patrice. We're getting married.
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sweetyas
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2005 19 April :: 10.30pm
:: Music: washing machine
whatever
i'm just exhausted. I just lost a debate adn i have a shit load of homework as a SENIOR, a freaking SENIOR.
crew was fun. Red is slow. Campy is fast. Red is master. Campy misses crew. Interesting. I'm getting frusterated more and more now. It sucks.
Need a life. (whatever i like being a loser, no i dont i wouldnt be complaining if i did)
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mudpiegrl
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2005 19 April :: 4.15pm
on my phone i had two really shiny stickers but then they got all scratchy and ugly so now they are just shiny instead of feet and palm trees...
i drew noodle boy on the back and i think ama go find squee or gir to put on the front...
yay for me
am still asking, but just asking.
i still dont understand why i cant let go, but i cant.
and throw your dog a peanut...can she crack the shell and eat only the nut like my dog can?!?! huh can she?!?
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sandatthebeach
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2005 19 April :: 12.26am
:: Mood: distressed
:: Music: Moulin Rouge
Pencil Lead
I'm here. It's been awhile. But I'm here. I don't even think anyone reads this anymore. But I'm here nonetheless.
I think I'm emotionless. Why is it that I don't feel sad or angry or happy or content? I don't feel anything. I don't like it. I want to be either happy or sad. I'm not even content. I'm just...here....I hate being in lingo but yet I'm here.
I don't know what to do with myself. I feel like I'm just kinda exisiting. And the thing is...I've been feeling this way for over a month now. It's not like I suddenly woke up one morning and decided that I'm gonna be emotionless. I don't know what I want. I don't even know what I'm looking for...I'm just kinda....here.
Is there something wrong with me? ::Sigh:: I don't want to sound pessimisstic because the only thing I ever say in this journal is about how pissed I am at life and shit. I just....I don't know! I'm frustrated because I'm discontent with life. I've lost all motivation to care....I feel no emotion...or am I the exact opposite? Am I too emotional that I can't even decipher what emotion it is that I'm feeling? They should have a drink that relieves stress...like something I can grab at Caribou. You know, rather than a cup of coffee to get my source of caffeine...I could grab a cup of coffee with some kind of stress reliever so I can feel refreshed.
I feel kinda dirty....but it's only been about an hour and half since I took my shower.
I don't know....I'm just rambling now.
I'd better get back to work.
Always, Sandy
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mudpiegrl
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2005 17 April :: 12.48am
matt smiths birthday was fun...fire and beading and fighting and lacrosse and brownies and all sorts of fun stuff....
okie so it wasnt that fun, in fact, it could have been a lot better...look im even trying to be optimisitc and it fails too...
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mudpiegrl
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2005 17 April :: 12.34am
its funny how, when there's one little crappy thing in your life, your random button reminds you of all the crappiest things that you have to deal with everyday anyway.
i'm afraid of being alone. i really am. just alone. not boyfriend alone necessarily, although it sort of plays a part. not having a best friend, not having even a really good friend. i think everyone's afraid of being alone. add that to the fear of falling and the fear of the unknown.
i think its normal. do bugs feel safer when the shoe is above them if they have a colony with them? do they convince themselves that it's not going to be them that dies, but the one beside them? or do they just wonder how it will feel?
if one believes in god, does god regret the moment he makes someone die? does he shake his head at the stupidity that leads him to taking that person's life? does he cry when he watches someone in pain? how would it be to have god as your best friend? would it be wrong to only idol and not put god as a god in your mind? i dont even know if i believe in god but how would it feel to know your best friend could take care of all your problems, but would rather you solve them on your own? to acknowledge taht you are stuck and have to accept what you ahve and use that to climb out of your hole, and just have him pat you on the back, and notice a tear fall on your pants and realise you arent the one crying.
6 people are in a Solitary Shell |
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