mudpiegrl
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2005 15 April :: 10.57pm
so im here cuz everyones at the band thing yay...
have you ever missed someone as soon as they got out of the car? its weird......only ever happened with neil before....but it happened again tonight.....for the first time in forever...
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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mudpiegrl
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2005 15 April :: 10.45am
:: Mood: hyper
:: Music: odd ringing
stupid library
So I decided. It’s for sure. Am asking him! Yay for me!
Long idea plan but I’ll probably show you once I get it…:-D
Am excited and he looks so damn good in red. I love when lacrosse boys dress up! :-D
And I found out something yesterday that am not allowed to tell but it was one of those things that I figured and just got it confirmed.
Um…the library sucks. Apparently, you aren’t allowed to be on email. So all my dawdling on email and journals has now ended and am going to post this so quickly so that they will not yell at me.
It was funny the lady couldn’t think of a reason when I asked her why so I asked if it was one of those rules that no one really knows why and she told me about the tech people and viruses…::sigh::
Okie so today is short…
My drawing in art is coming along well am actually liking it a lot now but I cant think of an idea for my story for creative writing and its angering to listen to him talk about how we should have characters already. I don’t have conflicts cuz am so afraid of it being cliché. I was thinking about doing the God thing…being god and regretting making humans and there really being no resolve, but I feel like the conflict is taken and the situation is going to be cliché and I wont be able to pull it off.
::shrugs:: I still need a prom dress, although, I guess I still need a date too…working on that…
:)
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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toki
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2005 15 April :: 8.29am
:: Mood: Sickly
Poop. this is a weird week. I'm a mess and i have no idea why. Don't you hate when that happens?
2 people are in a Solitary Shell |
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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toki
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2005 14 April :: 8.59am
I hate being sick. Don’t tell Ryan that. I don’t think this is from him though. Poop.
I’m tired. I have a lot of make up work and I hate orchestra and I don’t want to go to the concert tonight or tomorrow. I want to quit fine arts. I hate it all. It’s the most thankless department in the school. Give 3 or 4 years of your life. What do you get back? Shit. Absolutely nothing. Because there’s someone that much better then you who deserves it more. You know what? Screw you. I’m sick of being a shadow. Only one more show, four more concerts and I’m done being the worst or second best. So I quit trying hrad. Where has it got me? Where has the hours of rehearsal and crew for ballad, razzle, and man got me? Nowhere. So screw hard work because nothing comes of it. I’ll be a four star thespian and all my friends will be up there getting everything. But I promise I won’t cry until after I leave.
I don't want sympathy. I blocked comments. Don't try.
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sweetyas
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2005 13 April :: 10.12pm
A quiz!
You Are Cinderella!
 Dignified and hard working. With a gentle and soft-spoken manner you have something many people don't. Patience. Even through the moments of heartbreak you're still able to hold onto all of your hopes and dreams. Bide your time; you're dream will come true. Which Disney Princess Are You?
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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mudpiegrl
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2005 12 April :: 10.31pm
:: Music: Travis-
Nothing new here...
Frou Frou-"Let Go" from Garden State
Drink up baby doll
Are you in or are you out?
Leave your things behind
'Cause it's all going off without you
Excuse me too busy you're writing your tragedy
These mishaps
You bubble-wrap
When you've no idea what you're like
So, let go,let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
It gains the more it gives
And then it rises with the fall
So hand me that remote
Can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow?
Such boundless pleasure
We've no time for later
Now you can't await
your own arrival
you've twenty seconds to comply.
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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mudpiegrl
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2005 11 April :: 10.59pm
note to visitors: if you can, visit the friends only area :)
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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toki
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2005 11 April :: 9.21am
:: Mood: sad
Happy library week!!!
My throat hurts. I'm tired. I don't want to go to government or orchestra or band. Perfect day: Study hall, creative writing, photo, lunch, study hall, photo, study hall, creative writing.
I love writing and photo. I just get it the worst times of day. And study halls are always quite dandy.
My hand hurts. I hit a wall last night. Not the best anger management. I need help, dudes. Yesterday was the third time in the past weeks that I almost just walked out the door. I could do it too. I have places I could go. I'm almost 18. I have a job. But I didn't. Why? I'm not scared of getting in trouble. I don't know why I don't.
All my recent numbness has gone away, it seems. Haven't decided if it's good or bad. But I definitly am not numb anymore. I can feel. And it hurts, my friends.
My head is all swimmy right now. I really feel like I'm going to pass out.
This journal is insanely angsty. It always is. I like to think I'm not all angst...but look at me! Here I go again. Woo hoo.
Ok...my vision is getting all weird. I need to get a drink. If I pass out...I won't have orchestra! Oooh...so there is hope.
:-\
Eick. Even though the world is being poopy, I want you to know that I think I'm one of the luckiest people alive. I have alot of people who put up with alot of shit from me.
My head is in a woosh. So I'm off.
1 people are in a Solitary Shell |
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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mudpiegrl
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2005 11 April :: 2.11am
im crying now. im not saying this so you give me hugs or pity, but because ive needed to.
what made me cry? neil.
its a very long conversation, feel free to read it or skip...i took out the not so important parts.
HammeTrucci: just because she is leaving does not mean you are goin to lose her
battlestarre: you tell me that but ive never ever kept someone who has gone away.....
HammeTrucci: we may have broken up but you havent lost me
battlestarre: there is no longer such a connection anymore
battlestarre: that's loss
HammeTrucci: really you and sandy are the only people that i still deeply care about
HammeTrucci: all im trying to say is that i still care if you are sad
battlestarre: :-\
battlestarre: i miss you so much
HammeTrucci: yeah
battlestarre: cuz i still love you so much
HammeTrucci: me too jorie
HammeTrucci: me too
battlestarre: why cant you come back so i can hug you
battlestarre: why do i want to hug you so badly but feel so wrong doing so?
battlestarre: and how can you sit so close and seem so far from caring
battlestarre: why did it always feel that way
battlestarre: why did it get worse hwen you went away
battlestarre: why couldnt you make me feel like you cared?
battlestarre: you're one of the few things ive ever wanted to hold on to so mch
battlestarre: why are you the only thing that makes me cry now?
battlestarre: why do i miss you so much?
battlestarre: why cant i just get over you?
battlestarre: you're so far away
HammeTrucci: it really pisses me off that i lost all sight of what "we" were
battlestarre: i dont even care that i lost jen
battlestarre: i havent
HammeTrucci: i wish sometimes that i could go back in time to christmas break and feel like i do now
battlestarre: my idea of "us": you holding me on my bed just because; us wrestling, and you pinning me down, only to gently kiss me; you waking me up wiht a kiss and the soft click of a camera; then you going away and seeming to forget me
HammeTrucci: the last part is what pisses me off
HammeTrucci: there was so much here that blinded me from you
HammeTrucci: i wanted to just talk to you over christmas break
HammeTrucci: tell you how i really felt
HammeTrucci: i felt like shit for alot of december, i still dont understand why i felt the way i did
HammeTrucci: i basically screwed myself into a corner i couldnt get out of
battlestarre: is that something that i do?
battlestarre: i did it to hul too
battlestarre: i lose the greatest things to them backing themselves in a corner
battlestarre: neil why couldnt you care about me for the first four months you were away
battlestarre: why didnt you choose me over your football game?
HammeTrucci: it became to easy
HammeTrucci: in a sense
battlestarre: HOW?!??
HammeTrucci: cause you werent here so once we stopped talkin on the phone, i could do anything
HammeTrucci: and what i was afraid of happened, you became part of my ddaily routinee
HammeTrucci: it was like, talk to jorie because i have to
HammeTrucci: i hated that feeling
HammeTrucci: thats why i didnt like talkin everyday
HammeTrucci: it made it seem like i had to
battlestarre: but you never called me!
battlestarre: you hate talking on the phone so you wouldnt call
battlestarre: and then it was like i was a chore
battlestarre: i called because i had no one else to talk to!
HammeTrucci: that's because i knew you would call
battlestarre: dont you realise you were my only friend for a while?
HammeTrucci: yes i do
battlestarre: you didnt even noticed when i stopped calling!
anyway, it goes on...but that's all that's important...
i dont understand why he makes me cry
all week...i needed to cry so badly...
maybe jeff reminds me of him. maybe that's why i wont give up on him...i dont know.
i know its a good thing he wont go out with me though...because it would clearly be rebound.
im obviously stuck on neil.
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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mudpiegrl
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2005 10 April :: 3.09pm
hi.
so...today...nothing special
it's weird, i wont let myself give up on him.
theres some odd amount of hope...
eh...prom
Are you in a Solitary Shell?
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