A temporary catatonic Madman

A temporary catatonic Madman

:: 2004 28 September :: 7.13pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: She Will Be Loved- Maroon 5

Mind if i cry out in pain in frustration? Well I'm going to. Its my journal. Not that my crying will do anything....especially in situations where things can't be changed...you feel like theres no where to move.

I shouldnt of watched the movie. Its so...amazing...but i shouldnt of watched it. I shouldnt watch it.

Have you ever thought about what would have happened if you had done something a little bit differently? Of course... i think just about every one does...but i mean...wondering what would have happened say if you... snuck out of your house when you were grounded or in the middle of the night to see someone or something. How much of a difference would that make? Would it make you realize anythign new? Just cause more problems? Probably yes to both. It just seems like my whole life right now has become memories...what with the movie, psychology we are talking about the mind and memories and what happens if part of your brain is damaged and how you could lose your short term and or long term memories. Then of course i'm just letting myself be overcome by them. I'm at a point right now where even good memories have gone bad. By that I mean...they all lead to something bad and crappy eventually. This movie is getting me to think too much.

Yeah so... I think i'm going to apply for a college far away. I hope that one day i look back on how im acting and just laugh...and not feel anything. I hope that all this...all these stupid feelings and crap will just become something for me to laugh at. One day all of this will mean nothing. Right?

"I'm just a fucked up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind."

I like that. I think I'm like her in some ways. I'd totally do that and act like that and say those types of things...

This probably won't be up long...so leave comments if you wish. They can be anonymous as well...I'd like to see what you all are thinking or hear some advice or just any thing. Thanks.'

~Jackie

5 people are in a Solitary Shell | Are you in a Solitary Shell?

Toki	:: 2004 27 September :: 12.22am I love Garden State If you don't laugh at yourself, life is going to seem a lot longer than you want it to. Did I mention I love Garden State?? Ok. Good. -Patrice 2 people are in a Solitary Shell \| Are you in a Solitary Shell?

Toki	:: 2004 26 September :: 11.58pm :: Mood: listless I feel like such an idiot. This sucks so bad. I don't know what else to say. Damn. Don't ask me what or why I'm saying this. You'll just think I'm overreacting. Just..wow. -Patrice Are you in a Solitary Shell?

mudpiegrl

:: 2004 24 September :: 6.33pm
:: Mood: frustrated

i just told my mum how frustrating it is when she walks out when someone says something or plugs her ears or starts yelling back. she yelled but even you guys who dont live here know she doesnt really listen but she wants us to listen.

she started telling me to go do my homework. i cant believe she had the nerve to tell me to do that when everyday ive come home and said i cant talk i have to go do my homework. how can she say that when i come home and tell her how much i love school.

how can either of my parents tell me to clean my room or say its too messy when im doing more things than both of them put together.

i try to be so patient with them but i get yelled at for not being home for dinner.

on the other hand, i think im losing weight, but im sort of worried about it. i havent been sleeping adequetly enough nor have i been eating much...im always hungry and when i do eat, its not healthy. neil said i looked thinner and my pants are much loser than normal.

i really want to go run because ive been meaning to...but im too tired now although i still might...and in the morning i dont get up early enough. normally i dont have a moment at home. im awake here only about two and a half hours any way...and most of it is getting ready for school or work.

im really happy with how well my life has been going lately, contrary to how i was feeling the last month and a half or so. i hated myself and idndt want to do anything. now im fine but no matter how much i want to clean my room (its difficult to walk through), i dont have time or energy. i dont understand why my parents care so much, in fact, i figure they dont care. i think they have nothing else to complain about and so figure that its the only imperfection. im not sitting at home like mum, im not asking for significant amount of money to spend on nothing like tyler, im successful in what i want unlike my dad...and so i figure they dont know what else to say. im not around enough for them to pick apart my character and dont give them the opportunity to critique my life. all they know is that i am doing better than any of the rest of all my family did in high school, regardless of my lack of grades.

im feeling better now...this is a good destresser.

1 people are in a Solitary Shell | Are you in a Solitary Shell?

toki

:: 2004 24 September :: 9.41am
:: Mood: Not bad

So my computer has been down for a while. It��s back up, but I��m too lazy to go on at night anymore. I think I half cured my addiction. I��ve been sleeping before midnight. Woo me. On my way to recovery. :-P

So yeah. Update on me. I��ve started propping and I��m so incredibly excited for this show. I��m actually designing a lot of things for this show. Before it was more ��buy this, buy that��. Which is fun, but this is uber-fun. I hope it works though. Especially my blood transfusion device. �� You all have to come see it. Well, most of you are working on it. But everyone has to see my blood transfusion! This show is going to be good, I think. I hope. It better be.

So I��m working tonight. Closing box. Woo. :-P. It��s going to be weird though. And that��s that. I��m shutting up now.

I have like two minutes left. No insanely detailed update of my life. Sorry folks. Maybe later, dudes. Maybe.
-Patrice

2 people are in a Solitary Shell | Are you in a Solitary Shell?

mudpiegrl

:: 2004 22 September :: 12.54am

Your Dream: job interview squirrel goose geese car

Words like job: Work on fulfillment. Frustrated or satisfied with life.

Words like squirrel: To see squirrels in your dream foretell you will acquire a few new friends and there is happiness in the home.

Words like geese: They might bring an extensive journey surrounded by good fortune.

Words like car : Personal power. Ego.

i think thats good...

Are you in a Solitary Shell?

sandatthebeach

:: 2004 20 September :: 6.20pm
:: Mood: overwelmed

Colleges
Here's a quick update before I go back to homework because I haven't updated in about 2 weeks:

-First of all, I'm going to Homecoming...big shocker I know. I have my dress and everything...looking forward to that.

-Second, I'm thinking about colleges and where I want to go. I know all of you guys are thinking "But you're only a Junior, relax". Well, I want to have a good idea of what my grade point average SHOULD be and a good estimate to what test scores I should try to get to help ensure my admission to some college that I'll end up wanting to go badly.

I've already decided that I'm not even going to apply to U of I. I just don't want to go period. At first I figured I should apply anyway just as a safety or something since...well...it's not a terrible school. But after talking to Nick, I decided I'm not going to apply because IF I were accepted, I wouldn't want to go anyway so why waste the time and energy? So far I've only looked into one Illinois school and that's Millikin. I don't have much of an interest in ISU either because so many people want to go there and ::shrugs:: I guess I'm just not interested. Right about now, I wish I were smart enough to get into NYU. That would be like a dream come true. I decided I'm going to see how this year goes (so far it looks like I'll be able to pull up my GPA a little bit because I'm very motivated to work now) and see what my test scores are like and then...who knows...I might even apply. I mean, I don't anticipate in getting accepted but hopefully they'll take into concideration that I'm very active in school and that I do challenge myself enough that I'm not bored (I know that I'm not capable of taking all AP classes, so that's why I'm not taking any this year). And maybe my audition will impress them enough to accept me. Hopefully by then I'll be good enough...or at least have potential because I feel as though I'm not even close. I'm still working.

My main motivation in working in school right now is to raise my grades so I can get accepted to a good school. Certain colleges want a particular score or grade...or somewhere close and I now am serious enough to care. I realized how much I screwed myself over my freshman and sophomore year and now I need to pick up the slack and really work. ::Sigh::

I looked into Syracuse a little bit ago and I really liked it. That's a school I'm definitely going to look more into. :-)

Alright, to homework...then to crew. I feel kind of guilty because I ditched a couple days or left early. I constantly have schoolwork on my mind and how I need to get home and do work. Blah. And so I've decided, I'm going to spend most of Saturday at the library and start on my US history term paper and get all of my other homework done as well. I need to get into the habit of not saving my homework until Sunday night because I no longer have time then because of VOA rehearsals. ::Sigh::

Alright, I'm off for real now.

Always, Sandy

2 people are in a Solitary Shell | Are you in a Solitary Shell?

Anytngbtordinary

:: 2004 20 September :: 5.31pm
:: Mood: ecstatic

After doing well on the math test, getting a soccer ball, and hearing about stuff at the backlight meeting... i came home and got this:

Dear Jacqueline:
Congratulations! The Admissions Committee is pleased to offer you admission to the School of Science {at Purdue University}!!!!

YAY!!!!!!! I'm excited...i cant believe how fast that came! I sent in my application on the 9th and they sent this on the 14th!!! Now i just have to turn in my essays for 2 applications and get the U of I one and im set. :)

Ok so thats my exciting news for today :-D
Bye!

~Jackie

3 people are in a Solitary Shell | Are you in a Solitary Shell?

Toki

:: 2004 17 September :: 12.09am
:: Mood: Weird

So yeah. I spent all day at Ryan's house. With his friends. Which was weird, I admit. All boys. Lol. Too much boy for one girl. Plus, it was kind of awkward. I don't think his friends like me too much. ::shrugs:: Not much you can do, I guess.

I ate pizza tonight though. :-) I'm uber proud of myself.

That brings me to my next point, if you know I haven't eaten all day and you see me refusing to eat, telling you I don't feel well, make me eat a little something, ok? Or just make me drink something. I'm not good at this.

Ok. that's that. Insanity. Weirdness. Football tomorrow. Woo.
-Patrice

1 people are in a Solitary Shell | Are you in a Solitary Shell?

Toki	:: 2004 16 September :: 11.49am I just had the funniest conversation EVER with the madre today. Ooooo man. Ask me, I might tell you. her- "Im serious, Patrice." ::as I die laughing:: me- "So am I" 1 people are in a Solitary Shell \| Are you in a Solitary Shell?