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Black roses and Silver tears

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:: 2004 12 May :: 9.36 pm

IF I LEFT THE SCREEN NAME OF THIS PERSON IN THER BY ACCIDENT, DO NOT IM THEM



You know, this person really pisses me off. We used to be friends but she got bored of me and left me to die.

person (7:02:17 PM): you spend to much time online
insanepyrovampy (7:02:42 PM): Do you think I don't know that I spend to much time online?
insanepyrovampy (7:02:51 PM): I don't have a life.
person(7:03:14 PM): no, i would imagine that you figured that one out yourself
insanepyrovampy (7:03:15 PM): What I do for kicks ir RPG with my friends online.
insanepyrovampy (7:03:31 PM): Aren't I special?
insanepyrovampy (7:03:55 PM): Why the fuck do you hate me so much? What did I ever do to you?
person(7:04:42 PM): i don't hate you?
person(7:05:15 PM): you just bore me
insanepyrovampy (7:05:19 PM): Really now.
insanepyrovampy (7:05:43 PM): How you ever thought that after two years a person might have matured a bit?
person (7:06:16 PM): not if all you do is spend time online
insanepyrovampy (7:06:24 PM): Hah.
insanepyrovampy (7:07:08 PM): I do go to school, and I do learn things at sometimes actualy interact with the outside world.
person (7:07:23 PM): you may have matured but if you spend all your time online what would make me think you have anything interesting to say
person (7:07:34 PM): Doesn't make you interesting to go to school
insanepyrovampy (7:07:57 PM): I read. I write. I draw. I write music.
insanepyrovampy (7:08:11 PM): Those are the things I do.
person (7:08:32 PM): facinating
insanepyrovampy (7:08:58 PM): Read one poem of mine and decide if I have anything interesting to say then
person (7:09:21 PM): dark is they sky
person (7:09:28 PM): my soul is black like coffee
person(7:09:34 PM): black like my cat
person (7:09:42 PM): my black cat that sits on the chair
person(7:09:53 PM): the chair that imbrasses my soul
person (7:10:09 PM): why would you even want to prove to me that you are intersting
person (7:10:23 PM): it shouldnt mean anything to you
insanepyrovampy (7:10:43 PM): But it does.
insanepyrovampy (7:10:48 PM): That's the way I am
person (7:11:36 PM): Thats really to bad
insanepyrovampy (7:11:41 PM): read one poem. That's all I ask
person(7:12:02 PM): Fine
insanepyrovampy (7:12:53 PM): What is the sound of one tear falling, What is this sound I’ve heard a thousand times, Or more? What is the sound of one life ending, So quickly, So thoughtlessly. The tears fall and extinguish that flame, And hope dies like a soldier, All alone in this world full of war and hate. I feel the soldier in me die, Shot down like so many in the past. The soldier has been shot down before, But he has always gotten up. But he’s down for good this time. He’s too wounded to go on. What is the sound of one heart breaking? The sound of silence as she stands in shock while he walks away. The way the metal reflects in her eyes as she ponderss, The sound as the gun is flung against the wall And she walks away. (Continued)
insanepyrovampy (7:13:07 PM): For her soldier rises again, Her flame will not fizzle out… Yet, The sound of silent sobs still echo from my walls, The silence is so loud… I stare at the flame of the candle, Stand, Snuff it, And walk away.
person (7:13:43 PM): i read the first line and I already dont like it
insanepyrovampy (7:13:57 PM): Would you just read the whole thing.
person (7:13:59 PM): woh is me, how bad my life is
insanepyrovampy (7:14:40 PM): it's "woe"
person (7:17:09 PM): You really are stupid arn't you?
insanepyrovampy (7:17:20 PM): Yes. YEs I am
insanepyrovampy (7:18:18 PM): Now, I would like it if you would stop insulting my intelligence.
insanepyrovampy (7:19:07 PM): Ask me a question.
insanepyrovampy (7:19:23 PM): No. Don't
insanepyrovampy (7:20:00 PM): I'm tired of this. Clearly all you want to do is insult me, and I don't fell like that right now.

~Caro

3 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


:: 2004 10 May :: 9.34 pm

*Crys*
Yesterday I found out that me friend (Best friend for a looong ass time) doesn't like to be around me cause I'm "Goth" and people "like that make me uncomfortable. I mean, it's okay talking to you on the phone, I just don't like to be around you."

FUCK

~Caro

6 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


:: 2004 9 May :: 6.01 pm

I know how to get over Hunter!!!!!!!!!

I put it into play today! Focus all my love for him into admariation for his creatative genious and just loving being around him!!!


~Caro

W00T

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


:: 2004 8 May :: 8.33 pm

I've decided Hunter feels a bit uncomfortable around me, just like I feel around Alan. Actualy, Alan meakes me very uncomfortable. VERY uncomfortable. I hope I dun show it as much as alan does. That would be bad.

Are you crying?


:: 2004 4 May :: 9.12 pm

Yesterday was a bitch
Yesterday I got to Halcyon after I was at boulder hig for a few hours, just as usual. I got to math class and suddenly knew I was going to cry. "Greg, can I go see Stacy?" Stacy wasn't there, so I asked to go see Sherri (My homeroom teacher. She's really nice.) So he said no. I was starting to cry (Greg is so fuggin blind, I swear. (He's not really, but it sure seems like it some times)) I said it was important. "Well can it wait five mutes?" "No." "wll you should go talk to the principle then." THe principle happened to be standing outside the door. "Can I go talk to Sherri?" I asked, in tears. "Well, sure Caroline." I walked into Sherri's room and was having trouble talking because I had to take in such sharp breaths. I told her I didn't feel well, mentaly. I went into the small room attached to the class and cried for an hour before I could call my mom. I called and couldn't stop crying still. Then my voice got so loud I was yelling, and couldn't stop yelling. Mary-Alice took everybody out of the classroom. "OH MY GOD MOM, WHY CAN'T I STOP YELLING!" I even yelld to the class that I was sorry. I cryed for atleast four hours yesterday without stopping. And thaere you have it. Mum is screaming at me to get of the computer. Bye.

~Caro

6 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


:: 2004 2 May :: 7.28 pm
:: Music: Dangerous, by Yes

Once again:

DAMN

Saw Hunter today. W00T. But man, it's hard as all Hell to see him. I couldn't help but wish he was mine. I'll get over him, I swear!

...Eventually...

Oh well. I just wish it wern't so fucking hard. I mean, how is this fair to me? I know there isn't anything I can do about it, but I'm really hating it. I didn't cry today but there is no telling if I will.

I'm burning the FFX soundtrack fo him. That's random, I know. You dun have to tell me that. X.x

Gods curse it. I dun know if I'll ever really get over him. I might be able when he goes to Japan for the summer.

I still feel like a fuckin SICKO for liking his brother. SICK O.
It's just gross.

But they're so different. DJ is really sweet, cute and funny in a different way from Hunter, And Hunter is more deep, hot and creative, as well as funny in a different way from DJ. I dun really know that much about DJ, but he is really sweet. He's a bit more immature than Hunter, but Hunter is not always mature ^_^;; but they are both really nice guys.

I still feel like I'm a sicko, though.

Anyway. Nee isn't supposed to call me for like, another week and a half. I'm burning her some CDs now though.I'm gonna send them to her. ^______^ Yes, finaly my friend. I shall send back your Cds, and some of my art that I want you to have. I'm gonna work on a pic of Liana for you, and if you send me a pic of Hikari, I'll draw one of him. Sorry the Cds have taken so long. It's hard to get my dad to burn CDs, even though I tell him EVERY weekend. Oh well. I stopped replying to Ana's stupid comments. It wasn't worth my effort.

So yea. There you have it.

Much love.

~Caro

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


:: 2004 29 April :: 6.49 pm

DAMN


~Caro

3 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


:: 2004 28 April :: 6.37 pm

Pardon all spelling errors. I'm having a hard day.
Not the best day ever. I cried. A lot.
I went to BHS and they were testing so the evil dude who was quite rude took me to the cafateria (sp?) and was like, "You have to stay here. You can't go anywhere else." So I said "Well, I'll just call my mom and get her to take me home." So I call my mom and we end up yelling at eachother for the whole conversation (In my mom's defence a lot of shit was happening). She didn't want to come pick me up and I said "You have to! I can't stay here!" So she ended up saying she come and hanging up angrily. So since I have so much on my mind I left the office crying. I waited for her for a long time, crying off and on for that whole chunk of time. I'm sitting on this little rock, in the wind, waiting, thinking This is such bull shit. and wanting her to get there for crying out loud. So eventualy she gets there and I get in the car and I say "You know what? Whe we got off the phone I left the office crying and I cryed off and on for the whole time I waited for you." My mom apologised and was genuinely sorry about it. Then we went to starbucks after I cried, AGAIN. And when we left starbucks I craied AGAIN. And when we got to school I cried AGAIN. And when I went in the school I cried AGAIN. Rrrgh! I'm so frustrated with myself! I'm letting all the shit that's been going on get to me.


Of course...It would probably get to you too.



~Caro

6 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


:: 2004 27 April :: 9.02 pm

well. It would be nice if you read this whole thing.
Kelly came over on Saturday.
It was fun. We had a great time falling off the hammock XD
She stayed the night so she could meet Hunter and the guys.
So we go to RPG on Sunday. I'm fine about Hunter.

Untill the end.

Everybody left but me, Kelly and Hunter. He was standing in the hall looking depressed and staring into space. This shall be written in a play-like format.
Caro: What's wrong?
Hunter: Hmn? *Looks up*
Caro: You seem down...
Hunter: Oh. It's just I have this loan I cant pay off.
Caro: Oh... How bad is it?
Hunter: It's about half way paid.
Caro: Hmn...
*Silence*
Hunter: I'm going down stairs to play vidiogames. You guys can hang up here if you want. *Walks down stairs*
Caro: *Calls mother to see if she can pick up Caro and Kelly, then walks to Kelly, who is standing by the front door.* I'm such a loser.
Kelly: Huh?
Caro *Goes on to explain the it should be easyer to get over hunter and that she is lame* I'm going to go down stairs and talk to him. *Walks to stairs. Tries to go down, but can't. Walks back to Kelly* I cant go down... *Eventually manages to force herself down the stairs.* Hey.
Hunter: Hey.
Caro: What's up?
*Chat's about video games untill mom arives.* Bye..
Hunter: Bye.

I got home and after Kelly left I was sitting with my sister and I cried.

I hate this. It's far too hard. It's not like anything actually HAPPENED between us, right?

And I'm a sickko. I can see myself with his brother too.
The one who I dreamed raped me.

-__-

Anywho, last night I started hallucinating again. Rawar.

And Ana is pissing me off.
Cause I'm not fucking reading her journal, and she is saying she is. I'm not even going to respond to her stupid comments any more. She can just burn in hell. And it's MY JOURNAL I can talk about whatever I damn well please!

So, I'm a bit depressed.

~Caro

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


:: 2004 23 April :: 10.31 pm

PLEASE NOTE:
Before this happend, I had already decided to give up on Hunter.

Heh. So I was hanging out with Hunter's mom (Allison. She ish mah buddy. I knew her before I knew Hunter. She rocks) and we were talking about guys, and I said I was getting over someone and when she asked who I said "Noe one important." and she says "I alkways thought you had a thing for Hunter." And I said "Hah! You were right."
Alison: Dont worry about him. He's a pain in the ass. (They don't have a very good relationship, by the way.)
me: Heh. I can see how that could be.
Alison: He won't open up to anybody.
Alison goes on to say that in the past when people have said that they wanted to know about him, and wanted him to open up to them, they really wanted him to listen to them, not the other way around.
Alison: He's also just not interested in girls or women at all.
*Conversation continues.*

That's all I really needed to put in here. So, I'm rally giving up on Hunter. For real this time. I swear. *Heaves a sigh* I dun know if I'll be able to say that once I see him again....

Damn my weakness! I wish I wern't so weak!

But I'll do my best. I'm giving up on him.

I just have to say it a few times. I'll really do it. Just write my poetry, post in here...It'll all be good.

Ana, if you're reading this, GO AWAY, GOD DAMNITT.

Anyway.

So, Amanda (Friend from medicin horse) Is coming over tomorow night, and then coming to RPG on sunday. Should be fun. x.x;; I'm excited about it. ^_^

So, talk to ya'll later.

Much love to you all. I apreciate all your support. You guys rock.

~Caro

6 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


:: 2004 23 April :: 10.29 am

*Bakes potato*

Yay! Only three more minute's till mah breakfast ish done!

Nee, you need to call me today, or tommorow before one thirty....

*Waits hungrily for timer to go off to signal that breakfast ish ready*
*Two minutes*
*One minute*
*RING!*
*Dashes off to get breakfast*

Baii!

~Caro

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


:: 2004 22 April :: 7.17 pm

Heh. (The funnyest part is in bold)
Re:
@ 04-21-04 1:31am
[ delete ]
Will you just leave me ALONE!

I don't even know you!

I don't appreciate you posting this.

I seriously don't ever want you talking about me!

I don't have any argument with you, you started it!

This conversation was what you started so stop, now!

[ reply to comment ]


cloudyfanx

Re: Re:
@ 04-21-04 9:47pm
[ delete ]
I only did it cause you hurt Nee.

~Caro

[ reply to comment ]


H2OforDuo

Re:
@ 04-21-04 9:57pm
[ delete ]
*Hugs*
Thanks.
I apreciate the support. I hate it when people hurt my friends. *Glares*
I'm glad I'm loved.

~Caro

[ reply to comment ]


H2OforDuo

Re: Re:
@ 04-21-04 10:02pm
[ delete ]
AND STOP READING MY FUCKING JOURNAL.

~Caro

[ reply to comment ]


H2OforDuo

yo bitch
@ 04-21-04 1:40am
[ delete ]
caro caro yo whats
up you sound like you are in 7th grade trying to be someone you dont even know how to pretend to be i'll slice you and dice you till you cry


[ reply to comment ]
anonymous

Re: yo bitch
@ 04-21-04 9:51pm
[ delete ]
Heh.
You make me laugh.
You are the one sounding like you are pretending to be someone you don't know how to be, with the gangsta talk and such.

~Caro

[ reply to comment ]


H2OforDuo

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?


:: 2004 21 April :: 9.41 pm
:: Mood: To tired to even cry anymore

*Points to mood*

Heh.
Kinda depressed.


Okay, really depressed.

But that's okay, right?

Just tell me that that's okay...



Please....

4 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


:: 2004 20 April :: 7.28 pm

Oh look at the nice happy conversation I've been having.

(Reply to a post in Nee's journal)

yay for warm nice fuzzy lovely good feelings. Take it nice and easy and just enjoy what you get *smiles* don't be TOO serious mah Nee.
BTW I like this new layout too. It IS perky. As for that Ana chick... girls are real pains in the ass when it comes to being your 'friend' when you get a guy that's interested in ya... just... kick her ass or something... *laughs*

*uber cyber huggles*

The Great and Powerful Meggers



LovelyGothicDreamer

Re:
@ 04-06-04 12:31am

Well you stole my freakin shit!And then lied seriously!I wasn't bad mouthing you either he was being an asshole and flirting with Crystal even if I wasn't mad at you I would have kicked his ass he was being such a totally jerk then he called me a little cunt when it was him who was being a jerk ass in the first place so whatever he said about me bad mouthing you was untrue.And is this lovelygothicwhatever the shit saying I'm jealous? Bullcrap! I saw his pick and plus he was being such a poser like if I wanted to get yelled at I would talk to my mom because since I'm a "goth" she rags on me. While in actual events his mom is probably like honey do you want some cookies?While he's on the computer saying she's a bitch...yep.




cloudyfanx

Re: Re:
@ 04-09-04 11:49pm

Shut the fuck up. And die, while your at it.

*Sews your mouth shut with coarse wire and a blunt needle*

~Caro




H2OforDuo

Re:
@ 04-09-04 11:51pm

Yes. Please kick her ass.

~Caro



H2OforDuo

Re: Re: Re:
@ 04-17-04 1:49am

who the fuck are you to talk I wasn't talking to you you retarded bitch I barely know who the hell you are so don't fucking judge me....god damn!



cloudyfanx

Re: Re: Re:
@ 04-17-04 1:49am

who the fuck are you to talk I wasn't talking to you you retarded bitch I barely know who the hell you are so don't fucking judge me....god damn!



cloudyfanx

Re: Re: Re: Re:
@ 04-17-04 9:23pm

Use some punctuation please.
You know, like periods and commas.

~Caro



H2OforDuo

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:
@ 04-18-04 11:36pm

Well atleast I'm not like you, with the

Hi.
My name is,

and your friggin lines are so short!
Do you ever write anything? Also, shut the hell up about punctuation I'm not in school, I if I was I would use punctuation in my advanced english class.



cloudyfanx

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:
@ 04-20-04 7:27pm

Advanced English, eh? I'm in eighth grade and taking tenth grade LA, so don't try to intimidate me.

This conversation is over. It's rude to have a conversation in other peoples journals.

And I don't particularly care if my lines are short.

Have a nice day.

~Caro



15 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


:: 2004 20 April :: 6.56 pm

Your eyes are my favorite shade of blue,
Your hair as black as night,
I know you’ll never love me,
But you’re my shining light.

You know what you believe,
That’s more than I can say,
Your mind, it fascinates me,
Maybe I’ll get over you some day.

I need
To heed
The facts
I know
Let go,
Let go,
Just let go

I need to let go
Of my fantasies,
I need to let go
Of my foolish daydreams.

You are the one who I dream about,
You are the one who I can’t not think about,
I know you’ll never love me,
But I should let it alone,
I should let it alone,
I should let it alone.



~Caro

Are you crying?


:: 2004 19 April :: 8.28 pm

It’s not alright,
It’s not okay,
But I can deal with it anyway.
I’ll face the world today,
Put on a brave face,
I’ll deal with it anyway.

The world is grey,
Nothing to say,
Never gonna have it my way,
Alone I’ll stay.

I realized
That you will never love me.
I realized I’m all alone,
Yeah.

I realized
That I’m gonna be heart broken,
I realized I have no home
Among these people.

It’s not alright,
It’s not okay,
But I can deal with it anyway.
I’ll face the world today,
Put on a brave face,
I’ll deal with it anyway.

The world is grey,
Nothing to say,
Never gonna have it my way,
Alone I’ll stay.

Today,
I found out what I truly am.
Today I found out why I cry.

Today
I knew that I should give up hope and,
I don’t care to wonder why.

It’s not alright,
It’s not okay,
But I can deal with it anyway.
I’ll face the world today,
Put on a brave face,
I’ll deal with it anyway.

The world is grey,
Nothing to say,
Never gonna have it my way,
Alone I’ll stay.

I realized
That I am truly drifting,
I realized I couldn’t cry,
Oh.

I realized
That there was no life in me,
I realized and gave a sigh,
Should I be here any more?

It’s not alright,
It’s not okay,
I can’t deal with it anyway.
I’ll face the world another day,
I won’t put on a brave face,
I can’t deal with it anyway.

The world is grey,
Nothing to say,
Never gonna have it my way,
Alone I’ll stay.


Alone I’ll stay….

Are you crying?


:: 2004 18 April :: 5.45 pm

Please read this. (It's actualy not that long, it just looks big)
I just had the most interesting conversation of my entire life with Alan and Hunter...About life and death.
Hunter says there is nothing after life, it's just oblivion.
I said that we all exist in eacother's minds, that I am the Caroline that exists in Hunter's mind, and he is the Hunter that exsits in Caroline's mind.
Hunter agreed.
Alan insted that there was indeed something after death, Hunter insisted there was not, that there was simply oblivion. We continued talking about oblivion for a while.
For a while it was just ALan and Hunter arguing, which was all very interesting.
It got deeper and deeper as we went along, untill Alan started to cry, saying that it wasn't true.
This is part of why I now know I could never date Alan. Or beliefs are too conflicting. (Not like I'd date him anyway...) More on that later. Anyway
He stopped crying rather quickly.
Alan said that he hated himself for being afraid of death, and he hated himself for hating himself.
I said that that didn't matter and that life is whatever you make it to be.
He said he hated being insignificant, but he knew he'd never be significant.
I said that he was already signifacant in the lives of all the people who know him.
He said that there must be some purpose in life.
I said, life's purpose is whatever you make it be.
I said "And now to happier subjects..."
Silence.
Then his mom came. I would have talked about it more with Hunter, but my dad came right after that.


I don't know what to think.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I could never date Alan. Our views on life conflict too much. I don't think I could ever date him anyway. All we ever talk about is video games and such. Plus I just don't like him in that way. I don't think I ever will. He's a sweet guy and all, I really like him, just not like that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


What is reality?
Who difines it?
Tell me....


I want to know.


~Caro

4 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


:: 2004 15 April :: 9.15 pm

Gah.
I have a project due tommorow on Amelia Earheart. I have no will to do it whatsoever. I'm just kinda down and have really lost the will to do much of anything. -_- I'm very frustrated with myself.

dun know what to say.

~Caro

Are you crying?


:: 2004 14 April :: 6.35 pm

feeling a bit better today. Yep. Not much else to say really. Still a bit depressed. Tired and sluggish, generaly down and depressed, but not quite as much as yesterday. w00t.

Yep.


~Caro

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


:: 2004 13 April :: 6.56 pm

Please read this whole post...
Hi.

I'm rather depressed today. Dun know why. Just really, really down. Ii just kida...wish.. something. I don't really know what.

The world is a cruel place. As I found today at Boulder High, adults are often completely unfair.

Damn.
I wish I had my sketch pad. It's at Boulder High because one of the adults wanted to put my comic in the school magazine. I hopefully get it back tommorow.

...Hopefully...

I don't know why but I seriously just want to go cry, right now. Just run up the stairs to my room and fuggin sob my heart out.

Esma started cutting herself yesterday. With a shaving razor. With the handle still on.
I'm begining to feel left out.
Don't wory, I won't do it.


...Yet...

Sometimes, I really do feel like I just want to cut the crap out of my arms, or my legs. Just shred myself to peices. I don't know why. The thought of how fucking bad it would hurt, and how fucking bad it would hurt my family and some of my friends and what it would be like to go back to another fucking mental hospital...That's what keeps me from doing it. I personaly don't care if my friends do it. That's their choice. If it's how thay cope, it's how they cope.

Why am I saying all this?



I really don't know.


~Caro

4 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


:: 2004 12 April :: 7.57 pm

While posting a comment in Angel_Bob's journal I realised that, while I am praying that school will be over, I may never see my friends again. Fuck.


~Caro

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?


:: 2004 11 April :: 7.55 pm

Aimee's boyfriend is so sweet and nice.

*Sigh*
I wish I had someone like that.

Oooh. I wrote a poem.


~

The rain pours down as he walks,
Hair plastered to head,
Clothes to body.
You can see the rain in the light of the street lamps.
He steps under
And into the light,
Eyes in shadow.
Fangs glimmer in the light as he gives a fiendish grin.
He continues on his way,
Stopping only a moment in the light
He slips back into the shadows,
His realm,
His home.
Softly echo his footsteps in the abandoned streets.
The only other sound is that of the cold rain.
He pauses once more,
Watching his breath condense before him
Feels the cold soaking through his clothes
Cutting to the bone.
A shiver runs down his spine.
Hidden by shadow are his now closed eyes
still.
He stands without movement for minutes that seem like hours.
Amber eyes open as he looks up.
He lets the rain wash over his pale face as he stares to the grey-black sky above.
He looks down to shaking hands,
Water pooling in upturned palms.
His hands drop.
It is now his body that shakes as he looks at booted feet.
He looks up And strides forward once more.


~Caro

4 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


:: 2004 11 April :: 1.31 pm

It's easter. w00t. Candy.

This mornig/last night from about eleven to two fourty I was awake and thinking. At about elven fifty I started a three page comic (Galen, Aimee's boyfriend, thinks I should write comics, and I was inspired to do so, and since he's coming over today I figured I just would). It's interesting. A lot of the panels are eyes and hands. I really like it. There are two shots of digital clocks which state the time it was when I was drawing it. I think it's pretty good. I'll try to get it up on deviantART and put the link up.

Andy hasn't gotten my money yet, and I'm a bit worried. I don't want to have to pay fifteen dollars a month! That would SUCK. And I lurve this site. I know my mom wouldn't let me use it if I had to pay monthly. Yarg...

Last night Hana, mum, grandma, Aimee, dad and me went out to celebrate mine and Grandma's birthday. We went to Siamese Plate. It was fun.
Not much more to say really.
Happy Easter.


~Caro

4 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


:: 2004 9 April :: 9.43 pm
:: Mood: Pissed

Damn it all to hell
Grrrr....
So I finaly called Cleo Wallace to talk to Tyler, but I'm not on his fucking contact list so the chick couldn't even tell me if he was there! (Which I know he is. He sends me letters. Or atleast he did...I havent gotten one since December. I dun think Sandi has sent the ones I wrote yet -_-
Gods curse it all!!!

Grrrrr..........
Alex: [Oh well.]
Caro: Damnitt you know I really want to talk to him!
Alex: [You just want to tell him you're sorry to ease you own fucking conscience.]
Caro: No! that's not it!
Alex: [Yes it is, and you know it.]
Caro: You're evil. You are twisting my intentions.
Alex: [Hah.]
Caro: I really miss him. I really do...
Alex: [Perhaps.]
Caro: Just shut up. Just shut. up. Now.

Gods I hate Alex sometimes. He's twisting my intentions. I really do miss Tyler.
Dun listen to Alex. He doesn't know anything anyway.

He just wants me to look bad.

Next to my brother I'm looking reeeaaaally good right now. Ugh. He called and mum said
"So I won't be taking care of Luci any more?"
HE said "If I had my way, no."
DEAR GOD.
I love him to death, but he can be pretty stupid.

I miss him, too.
A lot.
I miss Kate and Theresa too.
I haven't talked much about Theresa. I will later. I need to go right now.

I have typed "You are stupid" so many times today in my look through the comments on Andy's journal so many times today. There are so many baka's on Woohu.

Well, I have to go. Dad is calling. Baii.

~Caro, the dazed and confuzed

3 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


:: 2004 9 April :: 7.46 pm

What do people really think about you? by Raven319
Name
Age
favorite song
Parents thinkYou're too sensitive
Strangers thinkYou're hot
Friends thinkYou talk too much
Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!




DO MY FRIENDS REALLY THINK THAT!?!?!?!

Ehem.

So, I've been going through the comments in Andy's journal.

There are so many idiots on woohu! Dear lord! "this is so fucking gay ur so gay"
SHUT THE FUCK UP.
It's good we have to pay. It flushes out all the idiots.
w00t.

~Caro

Are you crying?


:: 2004 8 April :: 5.31 pm

So today was that choir consert thing that BHS was going to right? If I hear one mor song about praising the lord or Jesus I'M GOING TO GO INSANE.
Ehem.
Anywho.
So I sat and watched people sing from seven thirty till about twelve. Then we dicided we couldn't satand it any more and went back to Boulder High. We got the rest of the day off. (W00t!) I was so glad to change out of that skirt back into pants. XD So Cordy (She ish mah buddy at BHS) and I went to McDonald's via the RTD and had lunch there. Some old dude walked past us and was all like "Hello, Ladies." and walked out the door. We both kind of looked at eachother. "I hate it when old guys do that." I said. Cordy agreed.
SO I figured that I would get lost on the way back to a bus stop I've never been to becaus Cordy couldn't walk me there, so I called mom and asked her to pick me up from McD's. It seemed to take forever, cause Cordy left (She had to go home). Meanwhile yet another old guy walks in and asks me about the Pearl Street mall. Some other chicks saved my ass and told him how to get there and stuff. It made me really nervous.
I need to get pepper spray. -_-
So, my mum finaly comes to get me and we go to the vet and then to King Soopers (I hate how thay spell that, it looks dumb) and I'm talking to a freind of mine who works there and I said, "Your hair looks good." and this guy laughs really loud and is all like, "I thought you were talking to me! I was gonna say 'I don't have any hair!'" And laughed again. I kind of smiled back at him and caught up with my mum. Man.
Suckage.
Any who, then we came home and here I am. Dude, I wish it was Friday.

~Caro





Take the What Manga
Stereotype Are You?
quiz, by Rachel the Great.

6 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


:: 2004 7 April :: 10.28 pm

*Big sigh*
Well, I can't take it any more.
What is it I can't take?

I dun know.

I just can't.

Any who, tommorow I am going on an all day trip with the Boulder High choir (This means more math homework *Groan*) to somewhere or another where they will perform in a contest...? At least that's my understanding. Yep. I have be be at school by seven twenty-five. So I have to get up at six, which sucks. Don't bitch at me and tell me you have to get up earlier, please.
Anyway. I went to a high school rally today. It was cool.
Yep.
Bye.

~Caro

3 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


:: 2004 3 April :: 3.14 pm

Happy birthday to me.
Last night my grandmother called in tears. She and my mom were on the phone for over forty-five minutes. She ended up staying the night. Apparently my brother finally blew up at her too. You had to know it would happen eventually. I love him more than anything, but he can be such an IDIOT sometimes!

It rained last night. I guess it was a birthday gift from the Goddess, though I wish she had straightened this mess out instead. I’m confident she will eventually.

More Wound-erful news: This morning I found that Megabyte had thrown up in two different places, and Grandma found that she had thrown up a third time. We’re going to have to take her to the ER at a veterinary hospital near here. She’s even more listless than usual. Poor little dog…

I at least get to see the foal I’m working with today. I’ll be glad to see Sierra.

I’m hoping to hear word from Nee…It is my birthday, after all.

“And I am aware now of how
everything’s gonna be fine one day
Too late’ I’m in hell
I am prepared now’
seems everyone’s gonna be fine
One day too late; just as well”
- Seether, Fine Again


~Caro

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?


:: 2004 2 April :: 7.22 pm

Heh.
I turn fouteen tommorow. Heh. So why am I so sad? I just want to lay down and cry my eyes out. I'm having trouble typing properly, I keep having to go back and change stuff. Aimee's boyfriend gave me a large book of Johnny the Homicidal maniac. I squeed when Aimee gave it to me. I literaly skreetched. (sp? I'm to tired to care.)
So why do I feel so lonely? So tired? So deserted? I wish Nee would call me. Nee, if you see this, please call me tomorow around four fourty five...I'm missing you. I know that's pathetic, but I just feel so lonely. I just really, really want to cry. I probly will in a little while, but right now the tears won't come. I can kind of feel them coming, but the won't come...Not yet.
Happy frikken birthday to me.
Aimee had to go to Chicago so she won't be here. Damn. Gods curse it.

Happy friggin birthday to me.


~Caro

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


:: 2004 31 March :: 7.48 pm

READ THE ENTRY BELOW THIS.


Oh, forgot to mention:

Today was my first day taking some classes at Boulder High.

And my birthday is in three days.
On Saturday...
...April third...

x.x
I'm turning fourteen. Yep.


~Caro

Are you crying?

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