mudpiegrl
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2004 21 May :: 1.44am
:: Mood: working
:: Music: Slipknot-"Duality"
Slipknot-Duality
I push my fingers into my eyes
Its the only thing
That slowly stops the ache
But its made of all
The things I have to take
Jesus it never ends
It pushed it's way inside
If the pain goes on...
I have screamed until my veins collapsed
I’ve waited as my times elapsed
Now all I do is live with so much fate
I wished for this
I bitched at that
I’ve left behind this little fact
You cannot kill what you did not create
I’ve gotta say what I’ve gotta say and then I swear I'll go away
But I cant promise you'll enjoy the noise
I guess I'll save the best for last
My future seems like one big past
You laughed at me cuz you left me no choice
I push my fingers into my eyes
It’s the only thing
That slowly stops the ache
If the pain goes on
I'm not gonna make it!
Pull me back together
Or separate the skin from bone
Leave me all the pieces
Then you can leave me alone
Tell me the reality is better than the dream
But I’ve found out the hard way
Nothing is what it seems
I push my fingers into my eyes
It’s the only thing
That slowly stops the ache
But it’s made of all
The things I have to take
Jesus it never ends
It pushed it's way inside
If the pain goes on
I’m not gonna make it!
All I’ve got
All I've got is insane!
I push my fingers into my eyes
It’s the only thing
That slowly stops the ache
But it’s made of all
The things I have to take
Jesus it never ends
It pushed it's way inside
If the pain goes on
I’m not gonna make it
good song...dL it...i like it a lot.
2 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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mudpiegrl
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2004 21 May :: 1.35am
:: Mood: complacent
so i decided that i will be happy until they start chemically engineering strawberries and oranges...
our grandparents think we're missing out not being able to pick them in our backyards, but man, imagine what our kids'll miss having real strawberries...half the fun of eating strawberries is that you have to dig through the plastic straining box to find the perfect ones...no mold, no soft spots, big, bright red, fully ripe....super sweet...
but then they would be perfect every time...
and our kids would have to choose between the two huge sweet ones...but i think they'd lose some flavour too... yea adios...
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mudpiegrl
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2004 20 May :: 7.23pm
:: Mood: confused
"excuse me, but could you please help me find my way?"
so ive been thinking, which is not necessarily (that doesnt look right?) a good thing, because, as im sure you know, thoughts of mine are, well, over animalized. yes, animalized...because i dont over anylize...but rip and shred all thoughts, squish and stick until pryed. Although not necessarily (god damn it!) negative, still....bad.
im sure you remember the hul situation- and if you dont well...
i went out with hul-ay for three and a half months, but before we broke up (which was my doing), he began to break down. he, well, i guess, went nuts for a time. he refused to shower or brush his hair or teeth and didnt eat. he stopped being bouncy, fun hul for a whole two weeks. Everyone was worried about him. he just moped and wouldnt talk to anyone. so one day i went to talk to him...and i dont know if i did any good but what he told me is that he had given up. he was sick of trying to be aliveanimate, so i suppose he stopped trying to hide a sort of depression... and i dont know, it was depressing to me to see him like that- not only becasue i liked him and knew him as a happy person, but because i began to feel it was my fault.
so now, this is the issue:
Mr. Neil is beginning to not be happy neil. i have never known neil, in a year and a half, to be brought down for more than a day. and its happening to him. and i dont know what to do, because he doesnt seem to want to talk to me or be around me, and im sure no one else has noticed cuz i think he tries to be hyper to show off some. and yea...hes just not neil like at all and im worried...
so im wondering if you'll answer this question:
do i or have i depressed or upset any of you for more than an hour or so?
i know i have the ability (heh) tendancy to piss you off or upset you. but to the point where you lose all hope?
::sigh:: yea i dont know...this would be the sixth time that things have happened immediatly after or around the time that im hanging out with the person, either one day or in general time (weeks). yea...so...if you could, please...
8 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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mudpiegrl
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2004 20 May :: 6.57pm
so its been awhile since i wrote- i have a lot of hmwk right now so im supposed to be doing it but since its been forever since ive come onlyn, i figured id just say hello!
year's nearly over-cant wait
graduation's nearly here- can wait.
okie adios
eating strawberries in chocolate frosting
:)
2 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 20 May :: 6.31am
How am I supposed to feel about the things I've done?
I don't know if I should stay or turn around and run
I know that I hurt you, things will never be the same
Yay! It's almost the weekend!!
Read more..
I love you all.
6 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 19 May :: 6.48pm
"There are bunches of other things besides 'kissing' and the monolith of 'vaginal intercourse.'"
I thought it was a good quote. Translation: there's a hell of a lot more to life than smurfing and bzoinking!
8 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 18 May :: 7.14pm
squeedilyspooch
Everything comes back.
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cradleofilth
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2004 17 May :: 10.07pm
:: Mood: weeeee!!!
:: Music: knocking on heavens door- avril lavigne
im happy-ish!
well today was great! it was crazy hait day at school ^^ and i spiked my hair in bright purple spikes, it was soo kewl^_^ and tommorow its clash day! im gonna wear my ghetto guard uniform with other thingys that make it clash, its gonna be sooo much fun!
the spring concert went well, i didnt mess up toooo much.....i can to 5's now on meh rifle!!! w00t! *cheers to himself*
*cough*
well anywhos, me and mojo exchanged html codes to fix up our journals, i can finally make it so that my backround doesnt move ^____^ thankies sooo much mojo!!!! *hugs*
schools coming to an end next week >.< it makes meh sad...because im gonna be seperated from all meh bestest friends..im gonna miss everyone sooo much.
well im off to bed, g-nite journal, and whoevers reading this ^^ bai bai
~joe
3 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 17 May :: 8.22pm
Il est tout pour vous.
[edit 8:53]
This week's Joan of Arcadia seems to be about a crisis of faith. I can't wait. We all go through a crisis of faith sometime in our lives (probably more than thrice) and it'll be cool to see their view on it.
Plus I saw Goth God and Cute Guy God in the preview. Ah, my favorite portrayals.
Kyle said I need to communicate so I guess I'll expand.
It's all for you.
There, expansion done.
I got into a screaming turn-on-and-off the TV fight with my sister. I didn't hurt her this time but I still feel awful about it. She screamed something to me about being the worst sister ever or something. I feel really awful.
I try to be nonviolent but it all just blows up in my face. I have a horrible temper.
She threw a 2 lb weight at my leg. I was afraid it was going to break.
I love you all.
2 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 17 May :: 12.16pm
Penny Arcade's E3 report... lacking
Killzone - "Honestly, I don't know what the big deal is. Going by current release dates, Killzone itself will launch a week after Halo 2 - honestly, I'd just stop development right now. I've played both, networked and all, and Killzone doesn't even rank Little Brother status. There was some nice geometry, but it wasn't even "Nice Geometry" - it was just better and faster than I expected on the Playstation 2. It's like when you see an old man hobble over to the mailbox all by himself. Getting the mail is no herculean act. And there is nothing startling or noteworthy about Killzone."
Penny Arcade said nothing about the new Legend of Zelda for the GCN. Hopefully they'll say something about it later this week.
I'm not that geeked for Killzone really. It'll get crushed so bad by Halo 2, I'll laugh.
I love you all.
5 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 16 May :: 7.38pm
:: Mood: calm
I had a surreal day.
A picture came out of it. It'll take a while to load. It's taking a while on my computer even.
I woke up around noon and the whole day has been going really slowly. I think it's because I want to go to school tomorrow and we're on the home stretch.
Anyway, check out the picture. Sorry it's so big. Tell me what you think.
I love you all.
6 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 16 May :: 12.41pm
"There are teenagers out there who aren't exactly itching to have a roll in the hay."
Hell yeah there are!
5 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 16 May :: 1.01am
:: Mood: calm
I know that I hurt you, things will never be the same
How am I supposed to feel about the things I've done?
I really cannot wait until school is over.
The stress is killing me.
I love you all.
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Angel_Bob
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2004 14 May :: 7.49pm
:: Mood: discontent
:: Music: Yellowcard
And you still came back for me...
Sorry for updating so many times but I want to post my poem.
I wrote this down at 1ish this morning. I wrote it in my head while thinking in the shower before going to bed and writing it down. I reworked it during school since I fell asleep right after getting my thoughts down and never re-read it.
I don't like it.
Review it on fictionpress if you wish or just tell me your thoughts on it here.
I named it By My Troth but, by my troth, I hate naming my poems.
I love you all.
I never did quite heal you see
Although I claimed I did
I never tried to fly you know
One wing broke, the other tore
I never could stand up you see
You knew once I fell down
I never really moved you know
Our shadows lurk around
I’ve already jumped you see
And failed to spread my wings
I broke my promises you know
Fell when I should fly
I still can’t find my heart you see
You feel my sadness grow
I feel that I messed up you know
By loving you too much
I feel that I did wrong you see
And for this I must pay
I never tell the truth you know
Every question’s answers lie
I’ve tried to piece it all you see
Bent down to find the shards
I really loved to cry you know
Feeling lost to empty words
The tears no longer come you see
Think of you every night
Never quite got over you
And only hope I shall
1 See through my crystal fears |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 14 May :: 5.28pm
Smurfing wow...
Everyone has to watch Joan of Arcadia tonight. God tells Joan to give Adam a gift and she finds a condom when shuffling through his stuff. It looks like she seems to think that's the gift God is talking about...
I know they cannot bzoink because God will get so pissed at her. I'll get pissed at her even.
Anyway, it'll be interesting how they handle the whole premarital sex thing. I'd like to see how they interpret it. Plus, it'll be a good lesson for y'all.
This senior from my Shakespeare class is in a band called Mother McCree's Uptown Jug Band. They're playing at the Liquid Room on May 28th at 8. I'm going to try to go. It costs $5 to get in and it usually lasts until 10.
So you all should go. Not just because I like this guy but also because we all need to get out of the house.
They have anime nights at the liquid room on Mondays. Awesome. I never knew.
I love you all.
3 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 14 May :: 3.58pm
:: Mood: calm
I love rain.
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Angel_Bob
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2004 13 May :: 7.26pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: Jacques Brel
Ne me quitte pas...
Le rouge et le noir
Ne s'épousent-ils pas
Ne me quitte pas
Ne me quitte pas
Ne me quitte pas
Ne me quitte pas
I am in no way a rebellious teenager but I've always wanted a tattoo of angel wings. It's only lately that I've become totally adamant and obsessed with it.
Read more..
This song makes me sad. Jacques Brel rocks.
I love you all.
2 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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goose
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2004 12 May :: 11.50pm
i didnt go to school today i slept really late, til 3 or 4 ish yeah thats late...im sick again! its so annoying, ive been sick 3 weeks in a row and all 3 different things! it really sucks, i should just die. i think it might have to do with that whole if your sad your more likely to get sick thing. cuz im usually really happy all the time and lately i havent been and yeah ive been getting sick and its crappy and sicky and i wanna die. blah blah blah. but its weird cuz today i went to school first an all and i was ther prolly 3 minutes and i called my mom and went home. i just couldnt take it, i couldnt stop coughing and it was getting gross and i really didnt want to be in class coughing up...things...all day it was really gross, i really didnt wanna just sit there and throw up in my hands but i almost did a couple times, so i went home and slept and im still tired and i wanna go to bed and i dont even feel much better! ahhh its crappy! poop.
yeah so yeah...im almost ready for this dance thing on saturday...i just need to figure a few more things out including my hair style...if anyone finds any pictures or anything good show me! ok? cuz i need help. its so hard for me to tell whats going to look good on me and what isnt. pleh. yeah...
hmm...i need to pay my parents so much money.. first 20 from my phone bill and other stuff now after tonight i owe my mom another 28 dollars! gah its so crappy. and then shes buggin my about getting and job and such and gah! its so frustrating! i know no one is going to hire me...no one hired my this summer whats different now? noting except my age. hmm...gah die die die
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Angel_Bob
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2004 12 May :: 8.13pm
My mom finally told us how my uncle died.
It was from atherosclerosis.
[edit 10:11]
Sorry I didn't describe it. I don't even remember typing this. Basically it's hardening of the arteries.
sux0rz ne?
5 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 12 May :: 5.55pm
:: Music: Yellowcard
Now I'm older, I want to be the same as you.
Taco-san got elected president of anime club! w00t! It'll be so awesome next year.
He nominated me as VP. r0x0rz.
The rest of the day was boring. Last Exile is beautiful.
I can't wait until next week. The seniors will be gone and we'll be the seniors! Plus, there are only 7 juniors in my Shakespeare class. We'll be the only ones there.
Rock. Almost summer. I can't wait.
I love you all.
2 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 12 May :: 6.44am
Happy birthday, Kelly!!
I've fallen behind on my birthday greetings... I missed a few. Sorry!
I love you all.
6 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 11 May :: 9.10pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: Yellowcard
Ne me quitte pas
Everything is gonna be alright
Everything is gonna be alright
Everything is gonna be alright
Be strong
Believe
I love you all very very much.
3 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 10 May :: 9.18pm
:: Mood: discontent
I drive myself insane.
5 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 10 May :: 7.43pm
:: Mood: stressed
"it's like trying to get a dead guy to stand up"
Well.
I'm stressed so much that I'm getting sick. All day I felt ill. Nervousness, stress and lack of food made my stomach upset all day.
I'm single again.
My fault. I feel really horrible about it but I'll be okay. I don't like bringing people down with me.
I haven't been able to cry lately and that upsets me. Even when I really feel like crying and I'm really down, I cannot cry at all.
I'm praying a lot lately.
This is random, I apologize.
I love you all.
10 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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cradleofilth
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2004 9 May :: 10.54pm
:: Mood: so so..
well well well...
i havent updated in such a long long time...but i finally did...lots of things happened recently *nodnod* got in fight with a so called friend, went to busch gardens, tried out for smmb and made it *cheers*, and somehow became closer to my sister.....so its been a rather eventful time since i was last here *nodnod*
i finally fixed the backround to my journal....i dunno why my website wont host my images i stick on it >.<...but i found an alternate way, and it actually worked...so its all good^^
*sigh* schools out soon..but than again, its not really gonna end for me...because i have guard practice for mariner all summer..and the last few weeks of summer is band camp...so school shall never end for me...but at least i'll be doing something fun while im there ^___^ im such a guard nerd, lol...
i have to finish this dumb book for french by tuesday...not reallytoo fun to do, im missinf half the stuff to do it, argh...but i guess i'll have to improvise...
well, they finally put the pictures up from f.f.c.c championships so yeah, i might as well show em to ya....they got such bad piccies of meh...but i can live with it i guess *nodnod* no harm done.
Fear my blue and neon green guard uniform of doom!!!!! lol...
whole guard (informal)
whole guard (formal)
meh in action *hides*
so yeah...arent they bad?.....well anywhos at busch gardens i had soo much fun!!!! i was hanging out with amanda, kristen, morgan, shelly, mitchel, corey, alexa, and jamie...it was great ^____^ we rode all this stuff and we saw this really cool performance thingy called "katonga" i bought this cool lil red swirling thingy ^^
we rode this one air car thingy that like went all through the park...and all these people were making out in it, it was kinda nasty, but funny ^^ because there was like 4 in a row!!!! we were saying wierd things to the people in in the lil car thingys as they passed us ^^
the spring concert is on tuesday! yay! the final day i have to wear my ugly green and blue glowstick-ish uniform!!!!! woohoo! i just hope i dont mess up when i perform >.<
W00t! i can catch triples and quads on my rifle now! yays!...well..i can catch them sometimes..lol...rarely...but hey, at least i can catch them now >.> hehe... well i think im gonna end this post for now...because i think i took up waaaaayyyy too much room already...hehe....so im out for now,
Joe
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Angel_Bob
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2004 9 May :: 3.55pm
:: Mood: amused
Foregone conclusion
[edit 3:54 --- My parents left for Las Vegas at 5 this morning. My mom'll be home Tuesday night and my dad'll be home Thursday I think. So if anyone wants to come over, I'm going to be really bored.]
Now I'm one of them.
My mom got my brother, my sister and I a cell phone to share. It's so we all can call her and my dad on that phone while they're gone since it doesn't cost much if anything.
She's been wanting to get us a phone so that my sister and I could take it with us when we go places.
Blah. I'm one of them.
I love you all.
4 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 9 May :: 1.12am
"Stop hiding who you are."
I love the rain...
I love you all.
3 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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