Angel_Bob
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2004 7 April :: 3.13am
Sleeping With a Can of Peaches
This is called Sleeping With a Can of Peaches. I just spat it out so it's not that excellent but it, along with Brett, took some of my fears away.
The title came from Nick. He was sleeping with a can of peaches...
As I said, I might edit it tomorrow when I'm awake because it's crap. Then I'll put it on fictionpress once all that's done.
You know what? I'll put it on deviantart right now.
Sleeping alone
With my fears and my hopes and my tears
Sleeping together
With my dreams and my truths and my lies
Clutching my heart and my soul
I sleep
Dreaming so my hopes become real
I have wings
My fears are erased and all is hope
All must come to an end
So my dreams stop
I awake to my loathing
All is the same
I close myself to the world
Reality is cruel
And dreams are soft
I curl into myself
Gathering emotions deep
I put on my mask
Day turns to night and I can escape
I let everything fall
My fright and tears flow
The rivers turn to sleep
And I dream
Hope renewed
I cry
I love you all.
3 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 7 April :: 1.00am
God.
I need help. I need someone to talk to.
Help.
It's too late. It's too late to call anyone.
Fuck.
Who's awake now? I need help. I need someone.
I need to call someone.
Where are you when I need you most?
God. I don't need help. I don't need help. I don't need to see anyone. I'm okay...
No I'm not... Oh I'm so sorry. I'm sorry...
I need that number. I need to tell someone.
Ben, I need that number again.
5 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 6 April :: 11.56pm
:: Mood: guilty
:: Music: Magazine by Pedro the Lion
I'm sorry
I'm sorry about posting lyrics but I'm not doing that great right now and this song is sort of how I'm feeling. Just put more hatred and hurt behind it.
I love and hate Pedro the Lion. I don't know what's going on. I can't stop listening to him once I start and it just drags me further down.
I'm so sorry... My life is pointless. Seems such.
I'm so sorry. I hope you all can forgive me. I just... I did wrong. I did something I shouldn't have and I have to face up to it. I have to face the consequences.
I have to face you.
I hurt myself last Tuesday and Thursday. I scratched up my arm.
I'm so very sorry. I didn't want to tell you because it's just becoming a burden to you now and I'm another problem you have to deal with during the day...
But it's tearing me apart. I can't live with the guilt anymore.
I'm sorry... I let you down. I disappointed you and I'm sorry.
I hope you can forgive me someday.
This line is metaphysical
And on the one side
On the one side
The bad half live in wickedness
And on the other side
On the other side
The good half live in arrogance
And there's a steep slope
With a short rope
This line is metaphysical
And there's a steady flow
Moving to and fro
Oh look you earned your wings
Are you an angel now
Or a vulture
Constantly hovering over
Waiting for a big mistake
Oh my God
What have I done
Oh my God
What have I done
Wouldn't you love to be
On the cover of a magazine
Healthy skin perfect teeth
Designed to hide what lies beneath
I feel the darkness growing stronger
As you cram light down my throat
And how does that work out for you
In your holy quest to be above reproach
Wouldn't you love to be
On the cover of a magazine
Healthy skin perfect teeth
Designed to hide what lies beneath...
I'm so sorry...
5 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 6 April :: 2.25am
His Dark Materials... China.
I don't like China. I've been there and I left.
I have the whole rest of the world. I still have a lot to see. I can be perfectly happy without setting foot in China ever again.
Besides, there are better places than China, right?
...
Right?
9 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 5 April :: 4.53pm
:: Music: F.E.A.R. by Ian Brown
Finding everything and realizing
The prince's robes and beggar's rags
Are toadstools on the miser's bags.
A truth that's told with bad intent
Beats all the lies you can invent.
But somehow I know
That we're gonna be alright
But somehow I know
That we're gonna be fine
I think I'm me again.
I missed myself.
1 See through my crystal fears |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 5 April :: 2.35am
In the evening, skies are starry and I'm sorry
I just had a whole conversation with someone but not with them.
I just rambled. I let all my thoughts out.
But I never asked if they could forgive me.
I never told them what happened.
I feel bad about it.
I'm not tired and I hate it. I was going to go to bed but I can't. I’m not tired at all. I guess my body can live forever off eight hours of sleep.
I want you to be happy and I'm afraid that if I tell you, you'll be sad. I'm afraid that you'll be mad and I'm afraid that someone will cry. I know someone will be mad and someone will yell. I know someone will be sad and someone will cry.
So I'll just tell you that I'm sorry. I'm so terribly sorry. I wish someday that you could forgive me. I've broken so many promises that I've forgotten which ones I still have to keep.
I'm so sorry...
I love you all.
4 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 5 April :: 12.47am
I broke a promise.
I'm sorry.
3 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 4 April :: 7.03pm
:: Music: Ashes by Socialburn
Scully and sleep
Last night, I couldn't fall asleep until around 4:30.
I went to bed around 1, which by then was 2.
Then I read for maybe half an hour.
Once my music stopped, I started thinking and decided to take Kyle's advice.
I prayed my heart out until I was sobbing. Hannah's cat came into my room and started purring while she curled up on my bed near my arm. Despite the fact that she's a chicken and I despise her, she really is a great comfort.
She curled up right next to my cheek and purred. Usually, whenever anyone tries to touch her, she shrinks back or runs away. But last night as I started to come out of hiding and cry, she laid her paw on my arm and purred as she flexed it.
It just... wow. I couldn't breathe. Everything was so calm.
I fell asleep smiling.
For some reason, I joined deviantart. I guess I'll put some poems and icons up there but I don't know why I joined it in the first place.
I hope everyone is having a great spring break and that it goes well for all of you.
I love you all.
5 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 4 April :: 12.47am
I just posted a comment defending someone who hated me last year. I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing. We'll see.
6 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 3 April :: 9.30pm
He who dies with the most toys is, nonetheless, still dead.
Tom, I'd like to apologize. You were trying to help and I was just trying to stop you.
I've started to leave and when people try to help me out or bring me back, I have to get rid of any hope they may have.
I'm distancing myself from reality and I know it. I'm trying to get rid of everyone.
And you're trying to stop me.
I'm sorry.
7 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 3 April :: 6.47pm
No matter how much I talk about the fact that I like being alone, I'm still jealous of you.
I am jealous of those who have someone to talk to.
I wish I had that.
You say I do but I don't really.
I was under the delusion that I once did.
Everyone has his own agenda.
8 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 3 April :: 12.11pm
It is not, nor it cannot come to good.
I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends.
Some people seem older than I am. Or maybe it's just maturity.
I can't believe my siblings are as old as they are. My brother's in 5th grade and he seems younger. My sister is in 7th and she seems way younger. I remember 5th grade. I remember 7th. It seemed like... I don't know. I was older.
It's hard to sit here and watch someone go through what I've gone through. It's hard to just sit back and watch someone make the same mistakes.
Woohulyrics is looking sad. You all need to go and submit lyrics to all the songs you love. I'm doing this to spite Andy too so you definitely need to go. Now. A few times a day.
I love you all.
2 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 3 April :: 12.04am
Happy birthday, Kyle!!!
1 See through my crystal fears |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 2 April :: 8.59pm
A story about rain... Short and full of angst.
I have a new layout and title and stuff.
2 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 1 April :: 6.06pm
Well, you couldn't be that man I adored
You don't seem to know
Seem to care
What your heart is for
2 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 31 March :: 5.56pm
:: Mood: blank
Spring break has begun. Yay.
...
Why keep going?
4 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 30 March :: 6.13pm
:: Mood: upset
I'm stressed to the max and my life is just crumbling and my sister and my mom get on my case about homework and driving.
I DON'T HAVE ANY GODDAMN HOMEWORK! I'm not slacking off anymore! I do my fucking homework!
And I don't want to drive. I'm afraid to. I just think it's boring, stupid and scary but I have to do it. I hate it.
I feel like I'm going to explode.
4 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 30 March :: 4.08pm
:: Mood: meh
:: Music: Come Here Boy by Imogen Heap
Oh and I'm waiting I'm dying, I'm wanting and needing
And so the question rises.
Who's staying for spring break and who's going?
And where?
I'm staying. Woo.
12 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 29 March :: 5.19pm
I'm insecure
Mankind makes me sick.
[edit 8:37]
I'll know what I don't know
It's harder everyday
Here's the poem I wrote this morning/last night. I was on the verge of both tears and sleep. The rain was quietly falling outside and by the time I actually wrote this down on my dry-erase board, the whole point was lost to me.
Anyway, it's short because the only things I think on the verge of sleep are bursts of nothing.
She stood in the rain
The rain
Fell
Floated gently to the ground
Its sparkling fingers caressing the pavement
Twinkling past the moonlight
She spun
Twirling
Her sodden hair tossing droplets through the spotted sky
Through the darkened air
She smiled
Soaked and dizzy
You could not tell
Her tears from the rain
3 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 29 March :: 4.30pm
Karma Chameleon is stuck in my head...
I don't know how this song got anywhere near my memory or even stuck in my head. I haven't heard it in forever.
Karma karma karma karma karma chameleon
You come and go
You come and go
Loving would be easy if your colors were like my dream
Red, gold and green
Red, gold and green
Now I'm screwed. That song will be stuck in my head forever.
I have an English paper due and a Chemistry test tomorrow. Woo.
I wrote a poem last night around 1:30 because I couldn't sleep.
It's in my room so I'll go grab it later.
Contrary to my mother's protests, I got quite a lot of compliments on my outfit today. Once again, the dictatorship that is fashion has lost to the deviants! BWAHAHAHAHA!
I'll post my poem in here ASAP and cut my journal entries down to a max of two a day. Ben was teasing me about it at lunch and I sort of feel bad for updating so often.
I'm not feeling that great...
I love you all.
1 See through my crystal fears |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 28 March :: 11.45pm
Life makes sense.
If you stop thinking.
I love you all.
2 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 28 March :: 1.36pm
Naze?
I love you.
I loved you...
5 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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mudpiegrl
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2004 27 March :: 7.25pm
they dont really understand how it is to struggle through school...this quarter i actually tried. everytime i didnt do my homework was cuz iwas working on projects...and granted, i had people over and went out...but do you all expect me not to have some sort of life?
i went shopping wtih jen
i bought loads of clothes...
pants
a pink panther shirt
ducky underwear (blue
and yellow)
bras
shorts
a tank top (orange)
more underwear
sunglasses
socks
tigger socks
Are you crying?
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Angel_Bob
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2004 27 March :: 3.57pm
Is it so wrong to love Jhonen? I mean that in the creepiest way possible. I heart Jhonen.
I'm the filler bunny...
Read more..
1 See through my crystal fears |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 27 March :: 1.57pm
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before
I dare you.
I love you all.
4 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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mudpiegrl
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2004 27 March :: 12.10pm
my third entry today...im waiting for my clothes to wash...
im eating stale cheez-its...actually they arent that bad.
i need to pack. then do a thousand things with jen before we leave tmro
bye.
Are you crying?
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mudpiegrl
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2004 27 March :: 12.08pm
i stole this from Angel_Bob....shes sooo cool!
"The farthest distance you will have to cross isn't an ocean or mountain, it's the twelve inches between your head and your heart. You will spend a lot of your life arguing between the two. Just remember that love is more rare than rules of reality."
1 See through my crystal fears |
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mudpiegrl
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2004 27 March :: 11.43am
Pop-Up
i just saw this....and you know how it drives you nuts when people say words with another vowel than you're used to...i dont know what it is..it popped up but i laughed.
1 See through my crystal fears |
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