Black roses and Silver tears

What's
your Own Fashion Style?

:: 2004 7 January :: 8.07am

I hope this was supposed to be muddled.

You're Neutral!

You like to get dressed in your own way,
You don't have a defined style, for that reason, you combine your own things and always faces everything to your way

I guess I'll go get ready then. I wonder what classes we have today.

cradleofilth

:: 2004 7 January :: 7.52am
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: "perfect"-simple plan (from bunnys journal, he he)

school!
i have to go back to school today! i dont wanna go....im gonna get completly lost! because i have no way in heck how to get to drama >.< i am going to switch out of there! i cant do drama >.< im not a drama person, :sigh: well yesterday i went to jamies with noelle and ricky, it was rather fun, we hung out at the library for a long time, i checked out a million books, he he, what can i say? im a bookworm, i like to read. plus im still not feeling well today! ive been sick for like 3 weeks! and i have guard practice today, i extremely dislike bradley, and renees out to kill me >.< so pretty much, this days gonna really suck for me :sigh: but thats life i guess, it always has some bad days...well...a lot of bad days...and not to mention that school is a big soap opera! O.o...well im out i guess, i'll update this later,
joe

p.s. i love my bishy! ^ ^

message of the day:"one day, maybe today, could be your last day, so live every day like its your last day"(sorry, that was pretty dumb but i guess is true)

:: 2004 7 January :: 6.49am

Oh I'm mad.

How many schools are closed?

And we have a two hour delay.

GRR. I hope like smurf that they cancel school.

Rockford makes me mad sometimes.

:: 2004 6 January :: 8.52pm

BZOINK!
WARNING! The following is a survey and a warning about the survey. It contains my thoughts and opinons to important topics. These topics include, but are not limited to: the intelligence of the survey maker; whether or not the survey maker should be shot; how the survey maker's lack of clarity, lack of general intelligence of verb conjugation and spelling, crude language, rude slang and inappropriate gestures affect society. In conclusion, this survey, like my journal, is made entirely of things I think and believe. If you object on any points I may make or have made, shut the fuck up because I don't give a damn. You have your own journal to complain in. Use it.

Read more..

:: 2004 6 January :: 4.41pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: Are You Gonna Be My Girl by Jet

My new schedule
We got our second semester schedules today. Mine'll change because I want to get out of AP History.

Half of it is the same. I have AP History 2nd hour instead of third, Chemistry 3rd hour instead of sixth and Shakespeare 6th hour instead of not at all.

Which means I don't have any classes with anyone. Katie has English a different hour, I have no idea who is in Chemistry 2nd hour, I don't know anyone who's taking Shakespeare. So I'll have Danny to talk to in English, Kelly in French and Lil Ben and still everyone else in Japanese.

Does anyone know what lunches they have for exams next week? I've got 1st, 2nd and 3rd for Wednesday, Thursday and Friday respectively. That'll be oh so hard to remember.

I'm starving as usual.

Anyway, I love you all and I'm sorry if I pissed you off at all.

6 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 6 January :: 6.37am

I don't want to go to school.

8 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 6 January :: 6.22am
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: matchbox twenty

bah! bah to my own head!
you know how you have those habits and you try so hard to get rid of them...but you cant stop? but then once, you finally succeed, or maybe you havent yet...my habits were chewing my nails and eating too much...so i stopped cutting my toenails, which goes in with chewing fingernails...and i got sick and got off my normal eat everything in sight schedule...i lost ten pounds and got real toenails...but i gained the weight back and my toenails are gone again!! gahhh fuck the holidays...fuck being bored (jen lol salt will!) aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh am so pissed....so now i gotta start all over on everything!

:: 2004 6 January :: 6.14am
:: Mood: playful
:: Music: matchbox twenty

lol
battlestarre: i love you to death but your stress isnt going to kill me lol
BlkCandy: i like that quote it makes jen sense
battlestarre: the i love you to death? lol
BlkCandy: lol
BlkCandy: ya
battlestarre: i dont know if i like htat phrase tho....."i love you to death" is saying....the moment you die...i wont love you any more...and everyone and his brother knows that you miss and still love people when they die
battlestarre: right?
BlkCandy: i love you till complete death
BlkCandy: i duno
BlkCandy: we gotta make somthign up
battlestarre: til complete death lol?
battlestarre: does that mean til youve checked and are shur?
battlestarre: lol
battlestarre: i love you to my death :-D
battlestarre: its kinda hard to love when youre dead
battlestarre: its kinda hard to do much of anything
battlestarre: you can lay
battlestarre: you can look like yourself...maybe a little discoloured and stinky....well.....maybe a little discoloured......lol
battlestarre: the smell doesnt always change much
battlestarre: we shud shower the dead people
BlkCandy: jorie
BlkCandy: shh
battlestarre: what?
BlkCandy: read waht you wrote and then tell me that's a normal conersation
battlestarre: it is with myself
battlestarre: i always think about weird stuff like htat
battlestarre: lol i just forget before i get to tell anyone
battlestarre: and theyd only have that reaction anyway
battlestarre: but the girl who used to race oreo o's is telling me am strange
battlestarre: ::sigh::
BlkCandy: yea that's why i dont' talk to her
battlestarre: lol
battlestarre: hey jen...i was thinking about dead people and that brought to mind the book pet semetary cuz the animals come alive....and smell and they cant wash away the smell...and that made me think of animals i had and that made me think of my hampster and that made me think of my hampster from today and that made me think of loren and then i rememberd how you said you wanted to go to church....well if i dont go...cuz you know how things keep ending up...ama pray for you....you and lisa...but more for you...lol........lisa to find something....anything to hold on to that will hold her back
battlestarre: you to relax a bit
battlestarre: all that thought took like a second
battlestarre: then i was just hinking how youre sick so much* and you could be a pharmacist and i could just imagine you pulling out a prescription and going cannibus...hey wait...um....i know what that means in latin! lol
BlkCandy: lmao
BlkCandy: i love you jorie
battlestarre: yea i love you too!
battlestarre: wait why do you love me now?

*with asthma and allergies

7 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 5 January :: 7.47pm

I could've told you that

Which flock do you follow?

this quiz was made by alanna

:: 2004 5 January :: 5.02pm
:: Mood: excited

MAIL'S HERE!!!
EEP! ive never gotten so much mail in one day! not even on my birthday! i ordered a book from b+n online...that came...and for xmas i asked my parents for a subscription to national geographic so i got a thing...it was just to order more but it was exciting and then if you ordered a subscription you got a free stuffed polar bear so i got a box and i was like ::gasp:: and its soo soft and fluffy!!! and cute too! and then i got college stuff for carthrage...which i dont even know where that is but ill look at it later! it was sooo exciting! okie am done...:)

:: 2004 5 January :: 4.54pm
:: Mood: creative
:: Music: buzzz

horoscope
Greetings Virgo!
Here is your horoscope for the week of January 5 through January 11 You will feel a rush of relief as Mercury turns direct. Many of your precious plans and organized timetables may have been disrupted, and you had to go with the flow. But from Tuesday you will notice a real speeding up in your affairs. On Wednesday there is a Full Moon in Cancer, which may bring a number of issues to a head concerning aspects of your social life. Venus aspects Pluto, and brings a touch of intensity to relationships and your interactions with others

*Cuz you know, i was short on those.

:: 2004 5 January :: 5.40pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot

Have I told you that I love this song?
Call me a safe bet
I'm betting I'm not
I'm glad that you can forgive
I'm only hoping as time goes
You can forget...

You are calm and reposed
Let your beauty unfold
Pale white like the skin stretched over your bones
Spring keeps you ever close
You are second hand smoke
You are so fragile and thin
Standing trial for your sins
Holding onto yourself the best you can
You are the smell before rain
You are the blood in my veins

Call me a safe bet
I'm betting I'm not
I'm glad that you can forgive
I'm only hoping as time goes
You can forget

16 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 5 January :: 4.02pm

Avril "I should've changed my last name because no one can spell it" Lavigne sings a version of Chop Suey.

Smurf no.

Someone shoot me. Now. Please.

:: 2004 5 January :: 6.20am

I would like to state that my last journal entry was not a quote by me (sadly... I thought it was hilarious) but by someone who commented on my journal a way long time ago.

I was semi going back through my journal (last night before everyone on my smurfing friends list decided to talk to me) while I was reminiscing. I found that comment, thought it was funny and it also tickled me because I'd never seen it before.

Ha. So yeah.

Wish I could've said it though. It's some good stuff.

:: 2004 5 January :: 6.30am
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: ::swishh:: {cars driving by in the SNOW!

::rolls eyes:: this is stupid.
This entry is to all who think that I am in a fight with lisa.

I�M NOT

that�s all there is too it. She called me a bitch and decided to make several other accusations, some true, some entirely out of nothing�and I wrote back telling her exactly what I thought. There is nothing left. I was never really pissed off, just a little flustered that someone who hasn�t talked to me honestly in so long can say that. If you are reading this lisa, stop telling people that we wont get along. You can handle sitting in the same room with someone and not speak to them. You started this�you are �fighting� wasting your energy. I'm not scared. Its stupid. You havent talked to me in ages, and suddenly you make accusations as if you talked to me yesterday. Seriously. If you were mad at me �months ago� you should have told me�but you didn�t, so its your own fault. And honestly, if people are mad because I told them they should get a haircut, or because I said their dress makes them look younger (I did not say five), then people need to get problems. But I doubt that is all they are mad about if they are mad at all�and if they are mad, they should tell me. Otherwise, nothing gets resolved yup.

Sweet dreams to you all!

:: 2004 4 January :: 9.05pm

Memories
"for the last time you stupid people that obviously get confused easily. I like WOMEN very very much"

:: 2004 4 January :: 5.49pm
:: Mood: hungry
:: Music: foo fighters

mas quizzies
Carefree
You're just the happy go-lucky type. You might have
your pet peeves, but other than that, you're
mainly calm. Blending in with your
surroundings, you're the type of person who
everyone likes. Usually it's you who cracks
jokes at social gatherings - after all,
laughter is the best medicine. Sometimes you
pretend to be stupid, but in all actuality, you
could be the next Einstein.

What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla
HASH(0x8718f74)
Ghost or spirit: You are a lost soul. Very calm and
sweet, you are often the one who asks: What if?
With a clever mind, you want to explore the
world on a different level. Without the
answers, you aren't ready to move on. You are
most likely very creative and find yourself
thinking things through on a different level.
(please rate my quiz)

**Where will you go when you die?**(now with pics)
brought to you by Quizilla
kidnap
You're goin' down! FOR KIDNAPPING!
Please rate if you liked!

If you're a goth please visit
groups.msn.com/gothicteensoftheworld and join
up cause it rules!

What Would You Go to Jail For? (Many outcomes)
brought to you by Quizilla
::(a picture of a lil man wearing bumpin' head sets and whistling)::
WOW! You're a lot like me! You're fun, caring, and
just life-loving! You dont let bad things keep
you down for long and you always try to get
through things the best way you can! (please
rate this)

.:.:.:.WhO ArE YoU?!.:.:.:.
brought to you by Quizilla
Earth girl
You are a true nature girl!

Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
^ ooh...i took that one before...

You are Romans.

Which book of the Bible are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
fbbfb
Complete sincerity: You believe in being
straightforward with others, and you expect the
same from them. People would consider you a
good listener, and one who is calm and mostly
serious.

Which Characteristic From the Samurai Code Matches You Best? (You may find out your best trait)
brought to you by Quizilla

You represent... hope.
You're quite a daydreamer and can be a hopeless
romantic. You enjoy being creative and don't
mind being alone at times. You have goals, and
know what you want in life... even if they are
a little far fetched.

What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla
cho
You're chocolate. You're the old soul type, people
feel that they have known you their entire
life. Many often open up to you for they view
you as thoughtful and trustworthy. Although
people trust you, you have a hard time trusting
them. You prefer to keep your feelings bottled
up inside, or display them very quietly. It is
alright to open up every once in a while.

Which kind of candy are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Fire Fairy
Please rate my quiz I worked very hard for this

Which Fairy are you?(for anyone many out comes)
brought to you by Quizilla
tomboy
Tomboy

What's your sexual appeal?
brought to you by Quizilla
another one ive taken before^^
kjkj
Your serial killer name would be Diablo! You would
be a mastermind in what you do. You would come
up with perfect plans on how to do your bad
stuff, and send out your minions to do it for
you. That would prevent you from getting
caught, because for one reason, they would not
rat you out. Your real name might not be known
and you would be greatly wanted, because as
long as you're out on the hidden streets, there
will still be danger! You're the big guy/girl!

What Would Your Serial Killer Name Be? What Would the Public Know You As?
brought to you by Quizilla
You really would not kill anyone because you find
human life to be valuable. It's just not in
you. If you slew someone, it would be by
accident or out of defense. That's good for
you. You know that people live their own lives,
and you live yours. Killing is bad. Very bad.
Unless of course, you're in a situation where
you must.

WHY Would You KILL Someone?
brought to you by Quizilla
HASH(0x88411d0)
You have the eyes of a hawk. You're very much aware
about your surroundings and the situations that
you're in. People can't touch your things
because you would immediately notice what's
been touched or what's missing. You can analyze
people's thoughts and actions quite well.
That's good for you. Don't lose that sharp
vision of yours.

What Animal Eyes Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla
HASH(0x874b544)
I'm sorry, my friend, but you would have been
quartered. Ouch! Your arms and legs would have
been strapped to four different horses and they
would all run in different directions. Your
hypocritical and backstabbing self would have
caused you to get to that horrible fate. You
would have turned your back on your masters.
Shame, shame.

How Would You Have Been Executed Back in the Day?
brought to you by Quizilla HASH(0x88741a8)
Yes, you will always be remembered for your good
ways. You seem to be close and caring around
your family and other people you really know.
You will be a major loss for them. There will
be an empty spot once you are gone. It may
sound morbid to you, but it could also be good.
Keep on with your great ways. You will have a
beautiful funeral.

What Type of Funeral Will You Have? Will You Be Missed Once You're Gone?
brought to you by Quizilla

:: 2004 4 January :: 5.39pm
:: Mood: accomplished
:: Music: stp

quizzies...
i made some quizzies!

this one is old...if you haven't taken it, you should...

What Kind Of Milk Are You?

and this i made today

What Store Are You?

4 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 4 January :: 5.08pm

Took a quiz.

Read more..

Played some Halo. Died four bajillion times within five minutes. That's a big surprise, ne?

I'm sorry I haven't commented on anyone's entries lately. I'm really out of it and not doing that great. Things will get better because they always do.

I want to go dance in the snow but no one will let me.

I want to cry and be held but I'm sick of crying and there's no one to hold me.

We go back to school tomorrow and I can't wait because then I can get my mind off of things.

I'm going to go make a really long update about nothing.

:: 2004 4 January :: 3.55pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: staind

quizzies!
sdfsdf
perfect. thats why guys like you. you are perfect!
plain and simple! you are a little bit of
everything...tomboy, cute, sweet, innocent and
sexy all in one! and you always know the best
things to say! [please vote]

whats your sexual image?(anime pictures and lots of results)
brought to you by Quizilla

eyebrow
EYEBROW piercing. you are kind of unique but once
in a while you feel like you need to follow the
crowd. you have a bit of a spunky, hyper tomboy
and you are probably well known and well liked,
but you don't let yourself become too popular.
you hate how they act so preppy and cute.

What Piercing Is Best For You? --PICS!--
brought to you by Quizilla

:: 2004 4 January :: 4.02pm
:: Mood: excited
:: Music: "like the coldest winter chill..."

SNOW
omg its snowing! woooooooo am soooo incredibly excited! did you see did you see!?!? its deep! and white and B-E-A-UTIFUL!!!!!! ahhhhh! ooh and incubus is on and i went to world market today and got my cinnamon bamboo blinds!!!!! eep! am trying to hang them up but the hook is too big so my dad is going to bring home wire cutters and then ill finish and neils coming over after the game. i need to clean...
ooh last night, i hung cds in my door; the ones i put in the microwave and the ones i burned on the stove and the ones with the lighter and the one that i melted over a can...they look awesome...i even have some blank ones that dont have anything done them. yesterday i went to world market too and was looking at the home stuff and bought pillows for my bed and the blinds (had to return one today) and i drove and then i went to target with neil later on and got a lampshade and plastic drawers for my art stuff. we saw stainless steel garbage cans and he said that he wants his kitchen to be stainless steel...and i sayd "and black" and he agreed...so we ended up walking all thru the aisles saying black plates and stainless steel and black with medium gray counter tops...and i told him my bedroom is going to be asian...i dont care what my husband says. [my comp screen is freaking out] then we came home (my house) and he took the "What's Your Signature City?" quiz and got seattle, just like me. so it was an odd day. i started thinking about college and leaving and neil leaving and it made me cry. so he left soon cuz his dad sayd if he didnt come home before one (it was one ten), he would be grounded (::rolls eyes::) and i went and talked to my mummy and she sayd i could get a puppy cuz they took away sydney when we moved here, who was bought especially for me. and then i took a shower (i smelled and my hair was yucky) and then came to my room and painted chinese and japanese and korean characters on my new lamp shade in black; the lamp shade is a parchment colour with a black rim at the top and bottom and its square. its pretty-ful. ooh yea i also got pictures for my bathroom because its really plain and they are pretty too! i just need frames now. there was this one picture that i really wanted to buy for jennifer but then i didnt because i didnt want to spend money...im doing my best not to spend on unnecessary-ness...so yes...thats all folks. :) adios.

3 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 4 January :: 3.23pm

I'm home.

It's snowing.

I hate this time of year.

:: 2004 3 January :: 10.21pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: radio

cleaning room
why are we here?
You think about things more than anyone you know.
You have a fresh perception about things and
are ultimately very clever and intelligent. You
tend to think you are superior without actually
meaning to, which can come off as slightly
annoying to others. You also tend to think your
maturity is far superior to those around you.
You also can be shy at first, but then charge
into rampant discussions about God at any given
moment. You tend to be independent and
original.

Which Words Do You Live By?
brought to you by Quizilla

cradleofilth

:: 2004 3 January :: 7.40pm
:: Mood: excited
:: Music: seventy times seven- by: brand new

so happy!
i havnt been updated in forever but now i did! life has been going well...im now officially 14 and i am no longer single! woohoo! and i hope this relationship would last a long time (maybe permanent). saw lotr....TWICE! mojos almost seen it 4 i think....im catchin up...lol and lately i've been up til like 7:00 in the morning >.< i think im always gonna be sllepin at that that tome now....i cant seem to sleep unil like 5:00 AM now..>.<

well i'll try and update more often now....

saying of the day-"E=mc2" einstien ( lol i ran out of things to put..)

3 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 3 January :: 2.10pm

Pika pika PIKA PIKA!
Don't ask.

It's been rainy and wet down here all day.

The only time it stopped and the sun came out was right when we all were standing by the coffin and all the funeral stuff and praying was over.

It was pretty.

I'll talk about funerals later. I'm hungry.

Oh I have links. Here's the article about my uncle. He was the superintendent of this school called Harmony.

Here's the obituary that was in that same paper.
Read more..

I hope we get some snow up in Michigan. I'll be back tomorrow.

I love you all.

3 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 2 January :: 4.29pm

I'm in Ohio.

We just got here.

Can't stay on for too long. Hannah wants to chat with her friends.

We have some funeral thing today and another one tomorrow.

Our room is in murder central. It's freaking me out.

I love you all.

7 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 2 January :: 3.59am

yes guys...im aware that a good amount of the bad is my fault. no one did anything to me. nick didnt hurt me. jackie was always sweet and innocent. lisa listened intently when the tears ran. i ripped apart the group. sorry i didnt tell you all before...its not all something you go struting around about. i made hul go into hiding. fuck if i did soemthing wrong why wont anyone tell me!?!? if im hiding from it why wont you show me! do the same fucking thing that ive either done or would do for you! the same fucking thing that killed everything anyone knew and cared about!!!!! im sorry i really am for anytime i hurt you. for anytime i cryed on your shoulder. for anytime i whispered secrets in your ear. for anytime i told your secret. for anytime i listened. for anytime i asked. for caring. for attempting to help. for giving more pain. i realise it all made it worse now.

:: 2004 2 January :: 3.33am
:: Mood: contemplative

"Downfall"
~Matchbox Twenty~
*More Than You Think You Are*

Wonder how you sleep
I wonder what you think of me
If I could go back
Would you have ever been with me
I want you to be unused
I want you to remember
I want you to believe in me
I want you on my side

Come on and lay it down
I've always been with you
Here and now
Give all that's within you
Be my savior
And I'll be your downfall
Mmm mmm mmm

Here we go again
Ashamed of being broken in
We're getting off track
I wanna get you back again
I want you to trouble me
I wanted you turning down
I want you to agree with me
I want so much so bad

Come on and lay it down
I've always been with you
Here and now
Give all that's within you
Be my savior
And I'll be your downfall
Mmm mmm mmm

Yeah, be my savior
(Only love can save us now)
(Don't lay me down)
(Only love can save us now)
I'll be your downfall
(I'll be your downfall)
(Ah, love can save us now)
(Don't save me now)

Lay it down
I've always been with you
Hear me now
With all that's within you
Be my savior
And I'll be your downfall
Mmm mmm mmm

Now I'm back on my own
Hear my feet, they're made of stone
Man, I make you go where I go
Well hell, you, can I take you home
Well, I'm coming home on my back
Kissing me, your lips painted black
Saying oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Let me be your downfall
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Let me be your downfall, baby

6 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 1 January :: 6.49pm
:: Mood: meh
:: Music: Clocks by Coldplay

I love this song...it's beautiful
I'm leaving for Ohio tomorrow morning. At nine.

We're staying at some hotel in Dayton. Near some highway and another highway.

I'll be back Sunday.

So I guess I'll see you all on Monday at school.

I don't want to go.

I love you all.

:: 2004 1 January :: 6.17pm
:: Mood: accomplished
:: Music: jeremy-pearl jam

good
i finally know what am good for! yup...teaching lessons...not math and english (although i throw that in for free) nor love and caring...leave that to everyone else...i am a teacher of trust. who, when and how to trust. more like not. through betrayl and hurt i teach such things. how to hate is a lesson to end the session, as we all need that somehow.

yes, ive discovered im a tick...i coax myself under your skin by offering companionship in return for a place to live. some of you can extract me before i entirely envolope myself in your fleshy substances. but others of you i live peacefully in until i feel the hunger burn in my stomach, at which time i bite...after which you may burn me from your body...but some dont...some just pinch, hoping to squish me enough to stop the biting...but you must know...'twill all come again...until i am gone. then i must find another host, someone unsuspecting. but the world can only last so long. you will tell your friends and soon no one will accept my burrowing.