Black roses and Silver tears

:: 2006 27 March :: 11.10pm

I just finished reading Marathon Man.

Wow.

I need to watch the movie now.

:: 2006 27 March :: 9.05am

So Cloud Cult is coming to Ypsilanti. Sadly, it's to some place that's 21+.

Sigh.

I guess that makes sense since it's a bar.

I wonder if they know what they're getting into.

:: 2005 29 October :: 2.54pm

No where is safe. they're like cheering zombies, squeezing between and smashing against each other mindlessly, collecting confettis from the ground and watching in amazement as paper falls. PAPER! Covering everything, like snow! and screams and yells fill the spaces not yet occupied by the adreniline filled bodies. and all around me they are eating! Stuffing their mouths and talking of victory as an army would, unconcerned with decency.

:: 2006 24 March :: 1.06pm

it's strange, hanging out with my brother. i quite like it, but it's weird. i feel bad because everytime, i dont have monies and so he pays. i plan to pay him back though. im going to take different bills and fold and roll them and create a little city of htem. it'll be super awesome.

patrice and i took a road trip and ill put the story of that up as soon as im done with it. that's pretty much it.

:: 2006 20 March :: 11.26pm

I am a (correct me if I'm wrong) third generation American and one quarter Lebanese. Arab American.

But you would never know it.

4 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2006 18 March :: 2.10am

To those of you in the Grand Rapids area, anti-war march/rally tomorrow at 11 (in the morning) in Veteran's Park.

I know this is a little late but I just found out a while ago myself and I'm lazy.

6 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2006 16 March :: 8.46pm

I've kissed...
01. [x] someone in a shower while doing a handstand and simultaneously jerking off a pale midget.
02. [x] Andy's mom.

:: 2006 15 March :: 11.17pm

Dear Hollywood, (I revert to my former geekiness for a second here)
I'm sorry, Stay Alive. I know you're a new movie and this stage of your life must be a very awkward one for you. However, I cannot help the fact that your premise, your sole purpose in life, has already been done by at least two anime series: .//hack and Serial Experiments Lain. There is a slight possibility that the concept was in existence before and after these series, but these were the only things that came to mind upon seeing your trailer.

Also, if you count all the incarnations of the .//hack series, you're copying a story four times over. Oh wait, there were four video games, an anime series, another anime/OVA, a manga coupled with a series, a novel, a collection of short stories, two novel series, one episode OVA, an MMORPG and two manga series. That would mean you copied the .//hack series about fifteen times, give or take two. And you copied Serial Experiments Lain about two times, counting the "video game".

I'm sorry. Someone had to tell you. It was best if you heard it from someone who cared.

P.S. .//hack and Lain sources.

P.P.S. What the hell does Elizabeth Bathory have to do with a video game? You probably just read the vampire parts and skipped over the facts. I hate when you slaughter history. I'll never forgive you for what you did to Pocahontas.

:: 2006 14 March :: 6.15pm

i went back to smdp on friday wiht my mum. i went because i got free lunch out of the deal. for once, i felt like my mum was proud of me, however, not for the sake of being proud but rather to prove everyone wrong about me. they knew i got bad grades and was always late, so in an adult's eyes, i was not going anywhere. my mum took liberties with the short sentance "she sold a painting". surely, it's an accomplishment, to an extend, but it was bragging. i purposely try not to brag cuz i hate it. my old math teacher is now the principal and said he has a whole wall to fill if i want to paint him something. "something religious", but even mr. lally isnt religious...and if i did do something religious, i can guarentee it would not be a happy baby jesus or symbolic suffering.

beside that though, my week was hectic as hell. just trains being late and leaving late and locking my keys in the car at a parking garage and bleeding all over my pants so that i had to leave right after my first class. but my midterm was easy and this week isnt too bad, just lots of stuff to do.

spring break is soon. im working during the weekend and during the week im supposed to go apt shopping with trixy and make cheese and peas with her, too.

:: 2006 12 March :: 5.24pm

Carl Jung, within his archetypal theory, posed that the self holds more importance than any other archetype. He illustrated this by several symbols originated worldwide represented the self because, when�looking at these symbols, one's eyes are drawn to the center. Read more..

:: 2006 12 March :: 9.24am

Katie! The game has been found! It is called No Brainer.

And it is fun.

:: 2006 9 March :: 8.15pm

I am home. I came home yesterday and worked with my mom until 1:30 or 2 in the morning.

Tomorrow, I think Nick and I will go to Muskegon and Grand Haven. Hopefully, the friends we are going to be calling will want to hang out.

I love you all.

:: 2006 6 March :: 3.31pm

So I'm in Kalamazoo. I decided to visit Katie for a few days. I'll be back on Wednesday when I have to help my mom with work. Hopefully, later this week I'll go see Jessa. If it's okay with her. I still have to call and stuff.

Right now, Katie's running or jogging or doing some sort of physical activity. I'm sitting in this really ugly lobby place of the rec center enjoying wireless interweb.

Western is too big. I'm perfectly happy with my small campus.

I love you all.

P.S. If you want to hang out later this week, call me. I hate sitting around.

:: 2006 5 March :: 11.05am

so it's blaringly clear that it's that time of the month, however, i still have not been visited by my friend. i asked my mum to go to the doctor and she said she'd make an appointment. so ill update on that in a bit.

:: 2006 5 March :: 9.21am

I bought a new CD yesterday. The Arcade Fire's Funeral.

It is totally awesome. The best CD since Cloud Cult. It's really happy, sad, upbeat and thought provoking while not being completely depressing.

It's also very good for driving. I love CDs that you can sing to and be completely overjoyed about when you're driving.

The best thing about The Arcade Fire? They're Quebecois and they speak a handful of French in most of their songs.

I love you all.

P.S. Their site is way too indie for me.

Defiant

:: 2006 5 March :: 1.08am
:: Mood: crazy
:: Music: Lost Prophets - Shinobi VS Dragon Ninja

Waffle Ironed Cheese Cakes
I am the Dungeon Master.

:: 2006 1 March :: 9.39pm

They caught that guy who escaped from jail while I was driving home. They found him off a road right next to the one I take home.

In other news, I eat too much. I am all bloaty.

:: 2006 28 February :: 7.51pm

To whomever came to see me today:

Who are you? My brother only remembers your car.

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2006 28 February :: 4.28pm

So some guy escaped from custody in transport from the jail to the courthouse. They've blocked off a bunch of roads around school and they're searching local businesses around his house. Which is around here.

Last I heard SWAT was raiding the bank at Plymouth and Michigan which is on my way home.

:: 2006 25 February :: 2.20am

Best quote ever:
"I look at my life and it just seems so depressing that I'm not sure if I was born or if Morrissey sang me into existence."

:: 2006 24 February :: 3.36pm
:: Music: q101

i miss journaling. i just ate pizzas! woo! i exercised today. i might make myself run tnt. maybe. i have to work, then am supposed to hang out with ian again, but i dont really want to. id rather just chill at the restaurant and then come home.
i saw the vhhs musical, anything goes, last night. it was better than i thought, not because of the acting, because of the show itself. although, i suppose it wouldnt have lasted if it didnt have entertainment quality. i sort of wish i could be on stage once, to hear people laugh at something i've said. or to have them caught up in a world that doesnt exist. but i'd probably abandon my rehearsals for crew. lol

im doing crew for amadeus. i asked phelan. patrice, you should, too. i worry that ill take opportunites away from the younger kids though. like, if spencer and hul had come back, we would've never had our opportunity to show ourselves. but i get ec for it for makeup, and ill probably only go three nights a week. two if they take off fridays. i miss it so much though.

i've decided on putting at least ten percent of every check in the bank for paying back my loans. more if i can. but it's going to be put in immediately. im budgeting. ish.

i never got those boots i wanted because my calves are too frickin gigantic...although, i didnt think about trying on a ten. maybe ill do that. ::shrugs:: i like them.

8 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2006 20 February :: 9.25pm

My baby's eatin'! With a spoon!
Jealousy is watching videos of Clementine, Jessa's baby, and totally being tempted to snatch that thing out of her arms.

I love you, Jessa and I need to hang out with you for real this time ~~so I can steal your child~~ so we can be the best of friends!

P.S. Give me babies. Now.

Kthnxby

5 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2006 18 February :: 5.36pm

When does everyone have spring break? Mine's the week of the 6th of March.

(I should really be writing my paper.

But it's not due until Wednesday.)

5 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2006 16 February :: 8.42pm

Perpignan, France
Who's going to France?

Emily and Rachel are going to France!

I took a picture of the list of people who are going and I'll post that later. I don't know if any of you knew Kasey, she went to Rockford. She's going to France too.

France FTW!

Read more..

Our electricity keeps flickering on and off. There are tons of branches and trees down. Some of the branches on our trees in the backyard are touching the ground. Every once in a while, there's a cracking noise and you know that some more branches are breaking. It's kind of creepy. I don't know if you all know of the road Kies but I went down it today and a tree by the barn had fallen into the middle of the road.

My mom was working in Kalamazoo earlier today and she said it's about 60 degrees down there. They (Katie) have a tornado warning while we have a winter storm and ice storm warning.

This state is so weird.

I love you all.

:: 2006 16 February :: 9.03am

Today's the day.

I'm all nervous and stuff.

I really want to go to France.

We'll see, I guess.

I love you all.

:: 2006 14 February :: 1.50pm
:: Mood: contemplative

so...im going to do some mass typing. im sorry if you actually try to get through these...i wrote them all on the train and i want to put them in here. i wish i had a laptop so that i could just type it on the train. it would go so much faster. and in case you hadnt noticed, my internet is back up! woo! the stuff in green is going to be stuff about people on the train, stuff that isnt all that important, although it may lead so something in the white that is about me, and unless you've recently spoken to me or read my mind, probably dont know.

Train Entry One
The man in front of the other writes in red pen on a printed paper. He has a phone on his right ear. He picks his nose with his pinky. He has a striped blue and white polo on; Skipper style. He rechecks his bag; a portfolio briefcase. A greenish-brown trench coat, slightly balding, thin brown hair. Holds phone awkwardly.

"Then we'll supplement it. And we can talk then about how it...Right, sure. Right. Right. Okay. Okay! That'd be great. What uh, what uh...at your office. Oh, that's right. Okay, I'll do that for you...you don't think it makes sense...supplement...okay, yeah. Thanks. ::click::"

He's texting. Back to his stack of papers: flip, flip so delicatly. Chews nails...mmm, eating it. Needs more. Looks good, sir.

I'd rather be writing about the man across from me. "Fuck!" he said as he threw down his bag. He breathed heavily and the train began to move. He took out his Ipod and swore again and smacked it's shiny, white plastic. He turned his head to put the buds in his ears, first the right, then the left. Next, he produced a Subway sandwich. He�d flipped the seat in front of him to form a table. He spread the paper out and opened his cheese chips bad. He rigidly ate it, keeping his back straight. Yet, he was {something that isn�t a word}. He ate the chips one by one, but speedily. He finished the sandwich and squished the wrapper into a ball. He drank his Orange Crush with a straw. A preposterous motion that reminds me of eating pizza with a fork and knife. Eventually came a candy bar, which he ate rigidly, too, however, he stared out the window. Precisely the moment he finished, he produced a small, unidentifiable object. He opened a valve and blew into it. Ah, a neck pillow. He still has not removed his awful turtle shell-framed sunglasses. Ha, he relaxes. His shoes are off, he lounges with his feet on the opposing seat. He reads the Wall Street Journal. Khaki pants, white button-down shirt, brown belt, black socks, but brown shoes�not a complete travesty; he doesn�t have brown golfer socks.

Train Entry Two
Seven stops �til mine. I've just finished an entertaining short story from a book written in �67 of contemporary stories. However, it was written sometime between 1900-�20. I caught this kid kiddy corner to me glancing at me. Understandably, of course, cuz I must say, my eys have been taking glances at him as well. He sips his jamba juice and is semi-reading a magazine with a title, from what I can read, can only be inferred as Giant Robots. He�s not spectacularly interesting, but that�s part of the allure, I suppose. The lady in front of him is about thirty-two and her name is Jennifer. She has a pleasantly fake demeanor. Above them is a silent, but interesting girl who appears to be drawing. At first, I was confused as to her gender, but then she was looking out the window. Oh, my writing is atrocious. I came up with an idea. Perhaps one that would be best noted in film form, but a challenge to write; I think I�ll try it. I constantly observe people anyway, like the way the older couple in front of me match in burgundy sweaters or the sociology and chemistry student who has been talking to the kid across the aisle about her classes. He responded with a slight Russian accent. Above is a man who was yelling on the phone in Spanish, although I was confused as to where it came from at first. How simply interesting everyone else is and how dully boring I am. I make observations between my friends and I, but they are relationships about which I couldn�t possibly write about; they have no story to which I could find the beginning and the end.

So my idea is to write of the train and convos I hear. Then, I�ll invent small stories, Shelock Holmes style. Perhaps that�s what Sir Arthur Conan O�Doyle began doing. Questioning whether the old couple discussed wearing burgundy today. Or if the woman intends her pleasant bullshit. It may be that the boy that just exited the train, the boy who has left my life forever, was just as interesting in my as I had been in him and his magazine.
He�s putting eye drops in her eye. I wonder if she turns up his hearing aid.
Strange. A Barbie Jeep in a bike rack. A funny picture it is to see a business man dressed for work riding on the sidewalk and parking his daughter�s Jeep there. Perhaps an example of never growing up�a good ad for Disneyworld, eh? You can be an adult and do adult things, but don�t forget to have as much fun as a kid on the way there.
The man is holding plastic on his nose. It looks like a bib from Bob Chin�s. Oh, an ice pack. A sinus infection?
Ah, my stop.

Train Entry Three
I picked up my stuff instead of sleeping, but no one is too terribly interesting that I have to write about them. The girl is reading Intro to Information Technology. She has an orange highlighter. My mind is pretty blank, actually. I was just thinking how, despite how fundamental the idea is, Patrice is like a dog that licks your face and sits beside you when you cry. That�s why people easily return to her after their spurt of deciding someone self is more interesting for a time. I do pity her for that, because it�s quite the painful commodity to have: ditched and regained after the other has lost interest. For once, I notice it in myself and add it to the list, rather than exclude myself. So I feel particularly horrible to be a burden and such, because I know it�s not the last time, but I feel bashfully grateful for her care. I don�t consider myself �wounded� in the least from Justin, but rather �off-track�. I've strayed and she�s a kind, familiar map that�s always in my pocket and I know so, but sometimes I grow immune to the presence. That�s something that really goes for the lot of my friends: the immunity, and so, I apologize. Kristen�s my warning sign, a reflector-coated neon-coated roadblock updater. I also owe her an apology for not listening to her warnings because she�s consistently right. I know I should feel lost, because I am, but at the same time, I�m remotely comfortable with the position.
As if the constant, intangible debt and guilt is not enough, I am in monetary debt of either party as well. I have a job, so money will come soon, but there are things I want. I know stress will soon bear down on me too much and I will need protective services in my vulnerability, although I will refuse to admit it. One stop. G�day.

Train Entry Four
I know I should do my chem. But I've though so much since 11:03AM (it�s 11:37). I was drawing with my dry erase marker and I organized my binder. I have a paper due Thursday. (�Tickets, please!� that reminds me-I got a ticket in front of Patrice�; that�s $75 on top of the $105.50 I owe for skipped tolls. Way to go, Jorie.) The girl behind me is asking her friend questions that intrigue me as to what her response could be. She told her she was being a hypocrite and things I related to my own stupidity with Justin; how could I be so dumb for so long? I suppose it�s all about the picture you�re standing so close to that you see a small portion that�s so beautiful, you won�t let your friends pull you back to see how hideous the entire thing is. Your perception is warped when you�re that close.

�I think you�re na�ve. I think you don�t know. No-that james lies.�

Wow, that�s honesty. Oh, why did I start thinking? Yes. I saw justin�s mum. She didn�t say hi or anything when I smiled at her. I wonder if she knows. I know and accept everything that happened and I sort of feel like I�m hiding from it. Seeing her is like synchronicity. That Carl Jung is a silly bitch.
Patrice gave me a valentine. I want to make her something. Maybe a secret admirer thing, lol.
Know what drives me nuts? Donut. DONUT?! HOW PRIMITIVELY LAZY!!! THE WORD IS DOUGHNUT! In fourth grade, we had to correct ssentances for spelling and grammar everyday. That was one of those words! What is a nut? A pit; a center of a fruit. A doughnut is a ring of dough, missing its nut. That�s logical, although more so would be nutless dough, but then there�s evolution of the word. Donut, on the other hand- DO?! Do can be pronounced dū, in which case, it�s a verb. Dō can be a musical tool for tuning one�s voice, however, DO-NUT makes no logical sense! I've seen it twice today and it�s lazy! T hat�s like writing BAL-A on your building because it�s shorter. Or the online slang used on a building. And don�t get me wrong, I�m all for being different, so whomever was first to say, �Hey, I�m not going to label my joint by what I sell, but make it recognizable by the spelling,� the way corporationsdo with colour and placement, but donut is now socially acceptable to the point where I had an argument with someone who insisted that donut was correct.

�What�s up, my home skillets? &hearts Chica 2/10/06�

Sorry, I know it was a pointless rant but it is a reflection of how easily society is swayed, my opinions of which are persuaded by V for Vendetta as well as sociology class.
Gosh, I've written a lot. I sort of miss Ian and Zak. I�m afraid to see them because of Justin�s influence on them. He�s very persuasive.
On the other hand, most everyone seems to like me at Yardhouse. However, none of which are probably friend quality, as far as I can tell. Amanda�s going to apply, so that�ll be cool.
I've been hanging out with Trix. Oh, I love Patrice! I just hope she doesn�t get annoyed or anything. I want to hang out with Kristen, too, but she�s crew and I have work and school, so there�s NEVER time. I�m done-Golf, that�s the line into the knowledgeable. Glenview. I�m glad I don�t have to work today.

:: 2006 13 February :: 9.08am

I feel sick.

I threw up a couple times yesterday. I think that's the first time since eighth grade.

I blame you.

So I'm staying home today. Hopefully, I can make up my French oral exam.

I have to go call work now.

I love you all.

:: 2006 11 February :: 9.57am

France
On Thursday they will mail out the acceptance letters. Since I live off campus, I will not recieve mine until Friday. However, a list of those who have been accepted will be posted on the door of the International Studies office.

So now I have more waiting.

In my interview, I mentioned the fact that cost was an issue. The head of the International Studies office said there were multiple study abroad scholarships available, including one from an Aquinas graduate who went to France and loved it. She said that the scholarships would be applied to the cost of tuition and if any money was left over, it would then be applied to the program cost.

I'm excited. I cannot wait until Thursday.