mudpiegrl
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2005 17 April :: 12.48am
matt smiths birthday was fun...fire and beading and fighting and lacrosse and brownies and all sorts of fun stuff....
okie so it wasnt that fun, in fact, it could have been a lot better...look im even trying to be optimisitc and it fails too...
1 See through my crystal fears |
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mudpiegrl
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2005 17 April :: 12.34am
its funny how, when there's one little crappy thing in your life, your random button reminds you of all the crappiest things that you have to deal with everyday anyway.
i'm afraid of being alone. i really am. just alone. not boyfriend alone necessarily, although it sort of plays a part. not having a best friend, not having even a really good friend. i think everyone's afraid of being alone. add that to the fear of falling and the fear of the unknown.
i think its normal. do bugs feel safer when the shoe is above them if they have a colony with them? do they convince themselves that it's not going to be them that dies, but the one beside them? or do they just wonder how it will feel?
if one believes in god, does god regret the moment he makes someone die? does he shake his head at the stupidity that leads him to taking that person's life? does he cry when he watches someone in pain? how would it be to have god as your best friend? would it be wrong to only idol and not put god as a god in your mind? i dont even know if i believe in god but how would it feel to know your best friend could take care of all your problems, but would rather you solve them on your own? to acknowledge taht you are stuck and have to accept what you ahve and use that to climb out of your hole, and just have him pat you on the back, and notice a tear fall on your pants and realise you arent the one crying.
6 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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jaganshi
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2005 16 April :: 4.46pm
a. Post a list of 15 fandoms.
b. Have your friends list guess your favorite character from each one.
c. When guessed, embolden the line, include the character name, and write a sentence about why you like that character.
1.LotR-Aragorn He's a hardass. How can I not love that?
2.Anne Rice vampire chronicles-Lestat Self-explanatory. Anyone who knows who this is is forced to love him or God smites you.
3.InuYasha-Kikyou She's inextricably connected to InuYasha. She has nothing to live for, and when she tries forget what she is and live like a normal woman, it all goes wrong and she's back where she started. Her sense of duty toward Naraku and InuYasha is also something I can sympathize with. "Your life is mine, InuYasha... and I'll surrender it to no one."
4.Trigun-Legato Legato is the ultimate dispassionate sexy bishounen. His loyalty to Knives is commendable, and his willingness to die strikes me as a refreshing lack of cowardice in that arena.
5.Digimon (season 2 to make it easier on you)-Ken Ichijouji: Digimon emperor turned would-be hero. He was the only digidestined child to react to the other kids like I would... after the whole 'digimon exist' revelation of course. He didn't want to be around them. He would save their asses in a way that some found morally questionable, and then he'd leave again.
6.Neil Gaiman's Sandman novels-Dream: Maybe it's because he was technically Gaiman's main character in this series, but I identified with him more. He seemed the most like a normal person. He's fallen in love, made mistakes, been lonely, made enemies and sarcastic jokes about Freudian symbolism. How could I resist.
7.Yu Yu Hakusho (this one's obvious if you know where to look)-HieiI'll clarify this. Hiei is my hero... plain and simple. In fact, if you know your YYH trivia, you'll know that his full name is Jaganshi Hiei.
8.Slayers-Xellos: The Mysterious Priest. He shows up, manipulates everyone into following his plan, and then refuses to explain anything... from his presence to his knowledge to his rediculous power. "Sore wa... himitsu desu..."
9.Hellsing-Integra Hellsing (though Alucard is a close second): This is a theme you'll notice. The cold-hearted badassery is not something I can ever turn down.
10.Stargate-Daniel Jackson: Anthropologist role model. If there were any chance my career would take the same turns as his... the opportunities he's had would make everything worth it. He gets to see ancient cultures first-hand.
11.X-Men-Rogue She can't touch anyone. I used to literally wear gloves so that people couldn't make skin contact with me because it made me so uncomfortable. If anyone so much as brushed my shoulder, I could still feel it a minute or so later as a sort of crawly feeling in my skin.
12.Lexx-Kai: Cold-hearted badassery. Insists he doesn't have feelings, and it's probably more his belief in his own emotionlessness than an actual deficiency that makes Kai Kai. I also partly named myself after him on the RPGWW forum. I don't care if he's a guy. It's a good gender-ambiguous name.
13.Dune-Alia: Abomination.
14.X-Files-Mulder: Geek. Hopeful, cynical, geek on a doomed quest for the sake of someone he can't save anyway.
15.Chobits-Chii I actually made an entry about this a while ago. Here it is if you want to read it.
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jaganshi
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2005 16 April :: 3.40pm
Sometimes I feel like people are competing to see who has the most baggage. I get the impression that it's a point of pride for far too many people.
The fact is, there are a lot of people who can't participate in that shit. You know why? The difference between angst and actual emotional problems is in the manifestation. If people want you to know they're fucked up... just wait until they stop talking about it. Then you'll know they're serious.
Until then, it's just a bunch of teens and young adults trying to outdick each other any way they can.
I'm tired of it, and I can't believe I had so much tolerance for it before. I used to think that maybe if I could catch people and help them while they're still at the angst phase, they'd never have to know what it felt like to be fucked in a way that isolated them even from other insane citizens of the younger generation.
Not any more. I won't do it. I will not spend my time trying to help people. In a way, by developing emotional tendencies, I'm even more inexcusably cold than I was before because I know what it is to feel and I actively refuse to do it for anyone else's sake.
No one can make me feel anything I don't want to feel. That's the way I live, and it's the way I've survived.
Anyone else... let them make their own choices. Let everyone else live or die according to their own whims and efforts, not mine.
"If they're to die let them do it quickly and decrease the surplus population."
I am not in control of anyone else. Anyone who even considers handing their salvation over to me will be very disappointed, because I've changed. That's not my game anymore.
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angel_bob
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2005 16 April :: 9.49am
Nick's grandfather passed away last night.
I'm in Chicago. I have the cell if any of you want to reach me.
I love you all.
1 See through my crystal fears |
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mudpiegrl
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2005 15 April :: 10.57pm
so im here cuz everyones at the band thing yay...
have you ever missed someone as soon as they got out of the car? its weird......only ever happened with neil before....but it happened again tonight.....for the first time in forever...
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mudpiegrl
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2005 15 April :: 10.45am
:: Mood: hyper
:: Music: odd ringing
stupid library
So I decided. It’s for sure. Am asking him! Yay for me!
Long idea plan but I’ll probably show you once I get it…:-D
Am excited and he looks so damn good in red. I love when lacrosse boys dress up! :-D
And I found out something yesterday that am not allowed to tell but it was one of those things that I figured and just got it confirmed.
Um…the library sucks. Apparently, you aren’t allowed to be on email. So all my dawdling on email and journals has now ended and am going to post this so quickly so that they will not yell at me.
It was funny the lady couldn’t think of a reason when I asked her why so I asked if it was one of those rules that no one really knows why and she told me about the tech people and viruses…::sigh::
Okie so today is short…
My drawing in art is coming along well am actually liking it a lot now but I cant think of an idea for my story for creative writing and its angering to listen to him talk about how we should have characters already. I don’t have conflicts cuz am so afraid of it being cliché. I was thinking about doing the God thing…being god and regretting making humans and there really being no resolve, but I feel like the conflict is taken and the situation is going to be cliché and I wont be able to pull it off.
::shrugs:: I still need a prom dress, although, I guess I still need a date too…working on that…
:)
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Angel_Bob
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2005 14 April :: 6.59pm
Nick's grandfather has lung cancer, I probably mentioned that a few times. He had a lung removed a while ago. He was okay.
Then they found out that the cancer had spread to most of, if not all of his organs. They said he had about a year.
Last week, he went into the hospital with pneumonia.
Yesterday, they said that the pneumonia was cancerous and gave him a week and a half to two weeks.
Hospice came by yesterday.
So that's what's going on with that.
Nick's really close to his grandparents. He lived with them until he was about 8. And they've always lived right down the street.
If you're so obliged, please pray for his grandfather or call up Nick and talk to him or give Nick a hug or sacrifice a goat on his grandfather's behalf or whatever you do.
Thanks.
I love you all.
2 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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angel_bob
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2005 14 April :: 6.31pm
:: Music: Mr. Roboto
My daffodils surprised me. I've been waiting for them and I didn't even notice until yesterday that three had popped up. I didn't mess with these pictures at all.
The first couple I took through the kitchen window. Which is dirtier than I thought.
Read more..
I love you all.
2 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Jaganshi
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2005 13 April :: 9.30pm
The nights that help me survive my job...
I received my yearbook in the mail today. Huzzah. It's awesome. *thumbs up*
Also, our calling center was recognized for being at least 10% above ALL of our quarterly goals. These emails came from Brian Donnelly (The O in RuffaloCODY), and Duane Jasper (The D). We're excited. We rock.
I had one man talk to me for two minutes about how mature I sound on the phone and how refreshing it is not to hear 'a giggler'. Apparently his wife gets calls from PhiDelt girls, and they live in Florida. He commented that the young women there 'sound like children' and he couldn't believe I was a freshman. I was actually calling to talk to his wife, and he did end up telling me when I could call back. I thanked him for the information, and HE thanked ME for sounding wonderful on the phone. He was so excited.
I also called one or two of those old ladies who just sit alone in their houses all day and all they want is to hear a human voice every now and again. They seemed so happy just to talk to someone. I'll call those women over the people who whine at me ANY DAY.
So... overall it was a good night at work tonight.
3 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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angel_bob
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2005 13 April :: 10.14pm
Can you do me a favor?
Please pray for Nick's grandfather.
5 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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goose
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2005 13 April :: 8.54am
Being Silent is hard
Last night was so nice, not having anyhere to be or anything to do. Yeah it was nice, i scrapbooked, fixed my mp3 player, took a bath, and ate crappy food that was good woo! I dont know what to say right now so ill leave it at nothing...im bored. I cant come up with conflicts for creative writing so it sucks!
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angel_bob
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2005 13 April :: 6.39am
Yesterday marked 10 months for Nick and I.
He stopped by play practice because he had to work at 5. We went back to my house, he left for work and I read some book of Hannah's and ate food.
He called around 5:15 and said he was going to work Wednesday instead so we could hang out.
He came over, we hung out and took a nap together.
I love you all.
1 See through my crystal fears |
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mudpiegrl
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2005 12 April :: 10.31pm
:: Music: Travis-
Nothing new here...
Frou Frou-"Let Go" from Garden State
Drink up baby doll
Are you in or are you out?
Leave your things behind
'Cause it's all going off without you
Excuse me too busy you're writing your tragedy
These mishaps
You bubble-wrap
When you've no idea what you're like
So, let go,let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
It gains the more it gives
And then it rises with the fall
So hand me that remote
Can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow?
Such boundless pleasure
We've no time for later
Now you can't await
your own arrival
you've twenty seconds to comply.
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mudpiegrl
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2005 11 April :: 10.59pm
note to visitors: if you can, visit the friends only area :)
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mudpiegrl
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2005 11 April :: 2.11am
im crying now. im not saying this so you give me hugs or pity, but because ive needed to.
what made me cry? neil.
its a very long conversation, feel free to read it or skip...i took out the not so important parts.
HammeTrucci: just because she is leaving does not mean you are goin to lose her
battlestarre: you tell me that but ive never ever kept someone who has gone away.....
HammeTrucci: we may have broken up but you havent lost me
battlestarre: there is no longer such a connection anymore
battlestarre: that's loss
HammeTrucci: really you and sandy are the only people that i still deeply care about
HammeTrucci: all im trying to say is that i still care if you are sad
battlestarre: :-\
battlestarre: i miss you so much
HammeTrucci: yeah
battlestarre: cuz i still love you so much
HammeTrucci: me too jorie
HammeTrucci: me too
battlestarre: why cant you come back so i can hug you
battlestarre: why do i want to hug you so badly but feel so wrong doing so?
battlestarre: and how can you sit so close and seem so far from caring
battlestarre: why did it always feel that way
battlestarre: why did it get worse hwen you went away
battlestarre: why couldnt you make me feel like you cared?
battlestarre: you're one of the few things ive ever wanted to hold on to so mch
battlestarre: why are you the only thing that makes me cry now?
battlestarre: why do i miss you so much?
battlestarre: why cant i just get over you?
battlestarre: you're so far away
HammeTrucci: it really pisses me off that i lost all sight of what "we" were
battlestarre: i dont even care that i lost jen
battlestarre: i havent
HammeTrucci: i wish sometimes that i could go back in time to christmas break and feel like i do now
battlestarre: my idea of "us": you holding me on my bed just because; us wrestling, and you pinning me down, only to gently kiss me; you waking me up wiht a kiss and the soft click of a camera; then you going away and seeming to forget me
HammeTrucci: the last part is what pisses me off
HammeTrucci: there was so much here that blinded me from you
HammeTrucci: i wanted to just talk to you over christmas break
HammeTrucci: tell you how i really felt
HammeTrucci: i felt like shit for alot of december, i still dont understand why i felt the way i did
HammeTrucci: i basically screwed myself into a corner i couldnt get out of
battlestarre: is that something that i do?
battlestarre: i did it to hul too
battlestarre: i lose the greatest things to them backing themselves in a corner
battlestarre: neil why couldnt you care about me for the first four months you were away
battlestarre: why didnt you choose me over your football game?
HammeTrucci: it became to easy
HammeTrucci: in a sense
battlestarre: HOW?!??
HammeTrucci: cause you werent here so once we stopped talkin on the phone, i could do anything
HammeTrucci: and what i was afraid of happened, you became part of my ddaily routinee
HammeTrucci: it was like, talk to jorie because i have to
HammeTrucci: i hated that feeling
HammeTrucci: thats why i didnt like talkin everyday
HammeTrucci: it made it seem like i had to
battlestarre: but you never called me!
battlestarre: you hate talking on the phone so you wouldnt call
battlestarre: and then it was like i was a chore
battlestarre: i called because i had no one else to talk to!
HammeTrucci: that's because i knew you would call
battlestarre: dont you realise you were my only friend for a while?
HammeTrucci: yes i do
battlestarre: you didnt even noticed when i stopped calling!
anyway, it goes on...but that's all that's important...
i dont understand why he makes me cry
all week...i needed to cry so badly...
maybe jeff reminds me of him. maybe that's why i wont give up on him...i dont know.
i know its a good thing he wont go out with me though...because it would clearly be rebound.
im obviously stuck on neil.
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mudpiegrl
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2005 10 April :: 3.09pm
hi.
so...today...nothing special
it's weird, i wont let myself give up on him.
theres some odd amount of hope...
eh...prom
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Jaganshi
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2005 10 April :: 9.20pm
http://education.guardian.co.uk/higher/sciences/story/0,12243,1448487,00.html
Relax about sex selection
Nature itself manipulates whether a particular couple has a boy or a girl, says Vivienne Parry. So fertility clinics won't be skewing population ratios by offering choice
Read more..
· Vivienne Parry is the author of The Truth about Hormones (Atlantic Books).
1 See through my crystal fears |
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jaganshi
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2005 10 April :: 8.45pm
OMFGZ
find your element
at mutedfaith.com.
Wow.
Me to a tee. But what can I say? I'm the party's Bard. (I'm seriously the only one in my group of friends who's stereotypical enough to literally have a D&D character class.)
2 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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mudpiegrl
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2005 10 April :: 1.40am
find your element
at mutedfaith.com.
lol...only the being stuck on ideas thing is right.
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mudpiegrl
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2005 10 April :: 1.13am
he is standing still, but i am slipping on the ground beneath my feet.
i got these from kevin's journal yay for kevin!
 | You scored as Goofy. Your alter ego is Goofy! You are fun and great to be around, and you are always willing to help others. You arn't worried about embarrassing yourself, so you are one who is more willing to try new things.
| Goofy | | 75% | Ariel | | 75% | Peter Pan | | 75% | Sleeping Beauty | | 50% | Snow White | | 50% | Cruella De Ville | | 44% | Donald Duck | | 38% | Cinderella | | 38% | Pinocchio | | 38% | The Beast | | 31% |
Which Disney Character is your Alter Ego?
created with QuizFarm.com |
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Angel_Bob
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2005 10 April :: 12.05am
I just remembered that I have yet to memorize my lines and my blocking for play rehearsal on Monday.
Oops.
Well, I'll do it while I do laundry tomorrow.
I love you all.
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goose
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2005 9 April :: 6.26pm
I enjoyed Last night. Ceritan people not showing up made me realize that i actually am content where i am now. I am happy. All i need is my friends, noting else. SO im good, im happy with the situation i have now. I like being able to gossip and tell secrets about other people while others are turned away...hehehe sandy...
Friday is going to ROCK!!! I am so excited for firday. Yeah for having out performance at 11pm and yeah for getting home late!!! :)
There is a hampster walking around the desk right now...shes moving the mouse and climbing on the keyboard...shes very cute...trying to eat the mouse pad and go into the speaker thats playing The Acadamy is...wooo! Ricky likes them too, thats awesome!
Im at my dads house...i wish i were home partying with Jackie and Jorie...oh well im not gonna be able to go to my dads for a while...
I GOT MY MP3 PLAYER!!! woooooooooo cept i cant put songs on it yet because this computer is too old and doesnt work with that stuff.
Im going to be very busy in the near future
Fire Therapy at my house next weekend...no boys allowed..sorry. We'll go girl scouting, complain, burn things, and eat lots of comfort food...even though i have to admit i have nothing to complain about...maybe ill save it for a later day then...hmm thoughts? anyone have anything to complain about? Let me know...
The hampster is in my pocket now..hehe it tickles
The thing in Jorie's journal is really good every guy should read it...i definatly agree with most of those
I saw forgotten today, good movie , eerie but good i liked it. Except when my brother screamed at the scary parts...it wasnt even that bad, just made you jump a bit you know? he cried afterwards....psh
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jaganshi
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2005 9 April :: 2.17pm
I steal everything. I stole this from a bunch of Brian's friends.
I don't really expect oodles of comments, since most of the people on here now don't know me as well as before, but hey. I'm bored.
a. Post a list of 15 fandoms.
b. Have your friends list guess your favorite character from each one.
c. When guessed, embolden the line, include the character name, and write a sentence about why you like that character.
1.LotR
2.Anne Rice vampire chronicles
3.InuYasha
4.Trigun
5.Digimon (season 2 to make it easier on you)
6.Neil Gaiman's Sandman novels
7.Yu Yu Hakusho (this one's obvious if you know where to look)
8.Slayers
9.Hellsing
10.Stargate
11.X-Men
12.Lexx
13.Dune
14.X-Files
15.Chobits
4 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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angel_bob
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2005 9 April :: 2.14pm
Katie's grandmother died today around 7.
On Tuesday, she fell and broke her ankle.
Katie might not be at school on Monday. She's still in Monroe.
She thought you'd want to know, Kyle.
Um...
I love you all.
1 See through my crystal fears |
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mudpiegrl
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2005 9 April :: 10.58am
found this is someone elses journal:
top 30 things guys should know bout girLs - written by a guy after years of experience
1. whatever you do, don't just show up at their house.. they run around in their underwear just like we do if they dont live with their parents...
2. DO NOT, under any circumstance, CHEAT ON THEM, it may seem foolproof but girls talk about everything! trust me, they will find out!!unfortunatly (we talk about everything)
3. beware of every single male relative and all guy friends, any of them will kick your ass at the drop of a hat, and a lot of them wouldnt even wait for the damn hat for me, i dont even have to try, i.e. water bottle incident, or just random "ow" situations
4. never miss an oppertunity to tell them they're beautiful
5. don't refuse to kiss in front of your friends, if they laugh at you , it's because they're JEALOUS
6. if they slap you hard, you deserved it
7. don't be afraid to touch them if you want to, if they're going out w/ you in the first place- it's because they LIKE being in your arms
8, if you dont sleep with them, dont EVER tell your friends that you did! oh, and even if you do sleep with them- don't tell your friends you did
9. you can be dirty minded in private...
10. not all of them eat like birds, actualy a lot of them eat like whales!
11. most of them don't mind paying half of everything, but they do discuss these things w/ their friends. Realize that if you make your girlfriend pay half all the time, everyone will know you're a pussy..
11.5 do you honestly need all your money that much? if she means that much you'll be a man and pay all the time!
12. Every girl should eventually get three things from her boyfriend - a stuffed animal, one of his sweatshirts, and a really pretty ring - even if it's not a serious relationship
13. Make sure she gets home safely as often as you can- if you're dropping her off, walk her to the door, and if not just caLL
14. If a guy is bothering her, it is your right duty to beat the crap outta him!
15. If you're talking to a female friend of yours, pull your girlfriend closer!! good idea...why didnt neil think of that?
16. Never, ever slap her, even if it's just in a joking way. Even if she swats at you friends and says, "You're SO dumb" - never make gestures back
17. go to a chick flick once in a while, she doesn't care whether you enjoy it or not- it just matters that you went also something neil didnt pick up on...
18. You're dead meat if you can't get along with their pets, parents, or bestfriends! be prince charming to their friends- mr. polite to their parents- and make sure to be nice to their animals
19. dont flirt witht their moms... that's just freaky
20. dont be freaked out by PMS- it's not gross, and it really does make them feel like shit, so be understanding
21. if you don't like the way they drive, you do it!
22. If you're officially dating , and you introducing her to your friends, you'd better introduce her as your girlfriend
23. don't stress where you go for every date, they really only want to be with you!
24. If they complain that something hurts, rub it for them withought being asked
25. Girls are fragile, even if you're play fighting or wrestling- be gentle
26. memorize their damn birthdays! you forget her birthday and you're basically screwed for life! stupid spencer
27. don't marinade the cologne- but smell good or just take a shower
28. don't give her something stupid for her bday or christmas or valentine's day- it doesn't have to be expensive, but it has to be meaningful com'on, college logo slippers are meaningful!
29. if you think the relationship isn't going to last, don't wait to find out- it will only hurt you more if you draw it out! see, i was right...
30. After you've been dating for a while, realize that they really have started to trust you. When you have a girlfriend who really truly trusts you, you have a lot more responsibility, privilege, and control than you would think. Be careful with it, most guys would kill for that kind of power, and it can be lost in a nanosecond
okie so yea...that was fun...sorry for all my little comments...:)
am done...ill write another dya unless something happens tnt...
2 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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mudpiegrl
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2005 9 April :: 10.40am
:: Music: radio commercials
so last night didnt go so well.
it was overall, a pretty bad night, although the prospect of nearly 25 people showing up was a bit exciting. it was like immigrant season, so many different people!
i hate the radio. it plays one song and goes back to commercials...but i dont feel like getting up....:)
i should stop now but i have to keep the window open so that i can make sure that prospect is right...if its not then ill change it and you will have no idea what im talking about...okie it's right. ama go change the radio now...
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Angel_Bob
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2005 8 April :: 12.12am
The dress
Hannah and I took pictures yesterday because Katie said she wanted some when the dress came.
Read more..
I love you all.
5 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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angel_bob
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2005 8 April :: 12.33am
The black dress came today. It's definitely the one I'll be wearing. It's sexy.
My day was cool. Not as cool as yours.
Tomorrow will be spent on food, video games and memorizing blocking/lines.
Or finding The Sound and the Fury.
I love you all.
4 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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