jaganshi
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2005 12 February :: 2.17pm
Stupid server messes.
Poor Andy. He works so hard for us. T_T
Andy needs a militia. Who's in?
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Angel_Bob
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2005 12 February :: 6.14am
I took a four-hour long nap last night. It was nice. I had slept well with a little nap on Thursday so I thought it was a good idea and I'd get a good night's sleep.
Apparently not.
I woke up (what felt like) every half hour since I fell asleep last night at 11. It was probably more like every hour but it was still horrible.
So now I'm exhausted and sore.
And today I get to go with Nick to take the ACT for the third time. On our eight month anniversary.
This day is looking so fantastic already!
Actually, after that four-hour long test that is going to end up wasting a total of 12 hours (half a day!) of my life, I'll be happy to just get out of there.
I'm really dreading the whole lack-of-intelligence feeling you get afterward. I've already felt like a bimbo twice this week.
I love you all.
P.S. Downtown, the sounds of single people doing nothing.
2 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2005 10 February :: 10.16pm
Heaven is eating a twizzler in AP Lit, second hour, while blasting Mogwai and playing solitare on your iPod.
All while Mr. Watson is frustrated and angry that his new DVD won't work.
Ha! That's what you get for giving most of us D's on our smurfing papers that you took forever to grade.
I love you all.
P.S. I got a D-. Kelly the genius got a B. Everyone else I've talked to (well, minus two people) has gotten a D. Cool job, Watson.
P.P.S. We think he's bipolar. Or an alcoholic.
2 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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angel_bob
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2005 9 February :: 10.07pm
My heart...a very shouldn't-be-on-this-journal entry
Do you ever feel trapped inside your own body?
There are a couple things that go on in my chest that freak me out.
Sometimes.
I can feel my heart beating really fast.
I can feel my heart in my breast and it hurts. It feels like it's right near my skin and going to come out.
It feels like my ribs are poking my lungs and it hurts to breathe. My sister says a lot of skinny people get that. I hope so.
I feel my heart beating on the right side of my chest and I get that same feeling like it's going to pop out.
Really, it's kind of interesting.
I love Nick. Sometimes that hurts too. A lot of times.
3 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Jaganshi
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2005 9 February :: 11.05am
Chobits. I have to finish it. I have to see how it ends.
Maybe it will answer my question. What is human? Where do I draw the line between a complex social interface and true humanity? If that line is at all ambiguous, how do I know which one I have?
I've known this was my path for years. I was afraid of it, of what it would mean. I had no choice. It was my destiny to be as nearly human as possible. But.... how will I know? How do I know what direction is right? What direction will teach me?
What do all of them have, these role models of mine?
Help.
None of them become alone. Each one has a human. There are no exceptions, none that I've seen.
It still obsesses me. I've left the question alone for a long time, but occasionally I'm still startled by it.
My point is, I can never escape this question. Maybe when I've achieved whatever it is I'm supposed to achieve... maybe I won't dwell on it this way.
I just need to see how it ends. I need to know as soon as possible.
Chi learns by reading! There are books, volumes that serve as an allegory for her life with Hideki. Reading about her reading about herself. It's like looking in two mirrors aligned so that it's me behind myself behind myself again.
Is Brian the one? I think he is. I'm better with my feelings now, but I still take my cues from him to see how I should act, to learn about myself as a human. He believes in me, that I am what I seem. He believes, and I am.
Brian. Hideki.
I have to finish it.
2 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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defiant
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2005 8 February :: 12.39pm
Long time since I've updated. Didn't go to school today. Just didn't want to get out of bed. I've felt so depressed lately. All I want to do is sleep and dream. At least I can be free in my dreams.
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angel_bob
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2005 7 February :: 9.28pm
Eisley's new CD comes out tomorrow.
Listen! Please! Or just click it and close it again. Whatever you want.
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angel_bob
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2005 7 February :: 7.43pm
I miss Benjamin Arthur. That's sad. The only time I usually saw him was at lunch and before school. Sob.
In other news, I've been trying to beat solitare on my iPod since I got it. I thought it was impossible.
It says "We have a winner!" I just can't hold my camera steady or straight.
Story of my life.
I love you all.
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angel_bob
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2005 6 February :: 12.09pm
Friday. Right after school, I went with Nick and Ben to pick up their paychecks. We went to Best Buy then went back to Ben's house. I got home at 1ish.
Yesterday. Ben picked me up and we went to Nick's. We hung around there then went to Ben's. Nick bought me a milkshake and I didn't fall asleep. I got home around 12:30.
Cool weekend.
Today I was thinking of finding stuff to put in the purse Ashley got me and maybe do my homework. Maybe.
I love you all.
2 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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angel_bob
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2005 5 February :: 12.59am
Hey.
I am thankful.
1 See through my crystal fears |
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Angel_Bob
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2005 3 February :: 10.55pm
"If people bring so much courage to this world the world has to kill them to break them, so of course it kills them. The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry."
Hemingway had a very pessimistic view of the world. I'm not surprised he shot himself.
I just don't see why. Why have such a negative outlook on everything?
7 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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angel_bob
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2005 2 February :: 6.09pm
It might be a good idea to stop reading now.
I weighed myself a while ago at Ben's house. I was wearing heavy jeans so it didn't really count but it came out to 106 pounds. The other day, I decided to weigh myself with pajamas on because I knew the other weight was faulty. I weighed 102. Which was perfectly cool because I knew I had probably gained weight.
Here's where you should stop reading if your 23rd pair of chromosomes aren't twins. I'm warning you. Really. If your sex doesn't begin with the letter "f" you should not read this. In fact, maybe no one should read it at all.
Read more..
I can't wait until I can get married. That came out of nowhere, I know, but it's been on my mind since I turned 18.
I love you all.
7 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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angel_bob
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2005 1 February :: 8.11pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: Last Days of April for some reason.
It was always you for me. Nothing could change it. Me. Was there ever me for you? It's always changing.
Will aspirins and alcohol someway decrease the ache?
I am happy. I am right where I always have dreamed to be.
We're seniors. You realize that? This is our last semester of our last year of high school. Thank God.
We're off to the "real world" after this.
Thank God.
Seriously. Thank Him once in a while.
I love you all.
P.S. As if I would care for someone other than you.
1 See through my crystal fears |
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defiant
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2005 31 January :: 12.34pm
A consumer is me.
Kind've funny how we evolve to become a better suited race, yet we're basically evolving to be weak. Since we don't need to hunt for food, we've become lazy, and lost some of our strengths.
Funny the things you ponder when you're stuck in a snow bank. We're such a weak species. So many limitations. We can jump like....2 feet vertically unless we work at it. The average person can only lift like 50% or less of their body weight. We're overcome by illnesses, and ailments, many of them only being in our heads. Most of us even lack willpower now, and surcome to smoking and doing drugs. I smoked, I felt the side effects, and I quit. Simple. Other people claim to need patches and gum. Weak. That's all it is. I'm surpised we're at the top of the food chain.
If lions or some other predator animal simple took a few generation leap forward and acquired the intelligence to even just have problem solving skills and a comprehensive verbal/gestural language, we'd be screwed, because we don't have the natural adaptations like they do. We're all soft and squishy now, and can die if we simply get railed in the head with a piece of wood. Foxes will chew off their leg to live and survive, we'd lose too much blood and die. We aren't adapting at all, we're spreading, like a disease. Pretty soon there's going to be a cure.
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angel_bob
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2005 30 January :: 11.57pm
I love Nick.
Very very much.
So much, in fact, that this is rather inadequate. Just as I feel at times.
I love you, Nick. Lots of oodles of lots.
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angel_bob
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2005 30 January :: 11.11am
Good morning
I've got nothing better to do.
Read more..
I love you all.
1 See through my crystal fears |
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Angel_Bob
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2005 29 January :: 3.10pm
Phosphorescent Julio
He's so cool.
Read more..
Julio is one hot little piece of technology. If my camera could, I bet it would be creaming its pants right now.
I love you all.
1 See through my crystal fears |
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angel_bob
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2005 29 January :: 1.58pm
My birthday, hier and hier soir.
Yesterday, I turned 18.
From my family, I received 7 books: Phantom of the Opera, Pride and Prejudice, Persuasion, Sense and Sensibility, The Iliad, The Odyssey and Half Hours with the Best Poets. I also got the Amelie soundtrack and an iPod. My iPod, Phosphorescent Julio, rocks. I hooked it up to my stereo through my sister's cassette adapter last night. Oh, I got a $25 iTunes Music Store Card, too.
My little brother gave me a package of sour Skittles.
Katie gave me an awesome bag/purse made out of Hi-C pouches, a bracelet made of wire and pop tabs, bubbles, a drawing and a note.
Brigitte gave me a $10 gift certificate for Schuler's. Which is cool because I need to get a book for AP Lit and it's apparently on sale.
Nick and Ben (Ben had stayed home from school) both stopped by once school was over. Nick gave me a dozen roses, a vase and assorted chocolate candy bars. Ben says he made me a card. I don't have it yet.
Nick, Ben and I went to my house and sat around. I think both Ben and Nick were asleep at one point. Ben wasn't feeling well and went home. My parents took Nick and me out to Pietro's (Nick chose where we went to eat).
Around 10, Nick and I went to Ben's and hung out there for a while. We both fell asleep.
I came home around 11:30, l33t-rigged my iPod and fell asleep around 1.
It was a good day. Thanks everyone for the presents, hugs and birthday-wishes.
Oh and Ben helped me figure out how to fold that stupid shirt. It isn't as cool once you know how.
I love you all.
2 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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angel_bob
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2005 27 January :: 9.27pm
Know what? I give up. I cannot fold a shirt worth a Japanese person's toe.
The Japanese are just crazy, magic little gnomes who can magically fold this shirt that us Americans do in a lot more time and a lot more sloppily.
Stupid Japanese and their crazy origami skills.
You know what? I don't need you! I can fold my shirt my own, longer way!
Except I don't fold shirts in the first place.
Anyway. 9:25 tomorrow. Sadly that's during AP Lit. Goodness I hate that class.
3 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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angel_bob
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2005 27 January :: 5.53pm
My birthday is tomorrow!
Yeah, the Japanese?
CRAZY LITTLE NUTJOBS.
The sad thing is that I want to know how they do it. It's like magic!
I'm going to go grab a shirt and try it out. I'll tell you how it goes.
I love you all.
6 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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angel_bob
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2005 26 January :: 11.17pm
With your eyes closed, close your eyes.
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goose
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2005 26 January :: 7.16pm
college is for squares
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angel_bob
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2005 26 January :: 4.55pm
:: Music: Oscillate Wildly by The Smiths
This is all there is (Call me morbid, call me pale)
So.
I turn 18 on Friday.
It's a big deal to me. I'm going to be officially, legally, an adult.
I just feel like I should...feel like an adult. I think I should feel like I deserve to be 18, or that I am.
But I don't.
I feel like a scared little kid who got separated from her parents at the carnival and can't seem to find them again. It's fun, I'm excited but I'm scared.
I don't know. I'm just being foolish.
I thought I had a little longer before I turned 18.
I love you all.
P.S. Kelly: Read more..
4 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2005 25 January :: 2.55pm
Today was the first day of the last semester of high school.
Thank goodness.
So my two new classes rock. My Government teacher, Mr. DeKuiper, is really awesome. He's hilarious. He says frick every other sentence and shouts everything.
Psych 2 looks to be a lot like Psych 1 except it feels different. I don't know why. Same teacher, same room, different people.
In Japanese class we watched the beginning of My Neighbor Totoro.
It was a good day but I am not looking forward to tomorrow.
My birthday is on Friday.
I love you all.
3 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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angel_bob
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2005 25 January :: 6.21am
At lunch yesterday, we mentioned hamsters.
Last night I had a dream that in French class we had to do a presentation on a weird thing.
Brett, Kyle (both who could suddenly speak French), Kelly and I did our presentation on Katamari Damashii.
The main character wasn't a prince though, he was a hamster.
I put little hamster ears on and went prancing around the room.
I guess even my dream self doesn't know the word for hamster because I said, "I am a party."
Which would be pretty cool if I was. Parties and hamsters are awesome.
Our music rocked.
And instead of Mrs. Dudka, we had Mrs. Sac for a teacher except she was nice and didn't talk as much.
I love you all.
P.S. Je suis une boum.
2 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2005 24 January :: 8.39pm
Rachel's biological clock says: Babies.
Someone marry me already so I can have my 46 children.
21 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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angel_bob
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2005 23 January :: 11.12pm
:: Mood: blah
I don't care how I feel anytime between now and Friday, there's no way in hell I'm going to be depressed on my birthday.
Happy almost your birthday, Brianna.
I love you all.
1 See through my crystal fears |
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jaganshi
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2005 23 January :: 10.05pm
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Angel_Bob
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2005 22 January :: 12.10pm
Soy un perdedor...
Today was Katie's day of birth. I went over to her house and we hung out.
Last night, Ben, Nick, Kelly, Katie and I went out to some Chinese place. It was my idea. I felt bad that Katie's parents were still in Chicago and she didn't have parents home when she turned 18. Plus she didn't get to go to Mongolian Barbecue and have a shindig like she usually does.
And she likes Chinese food.
My half brother just reminded me that once you're 18, you could find some lame 18-year-old clubs to go to. Bleh.
So I stayed home from school on Monday, we had school Tuesday, a snow day on Wednesday (our first day of exams) and exams on Thursday and Friday.
I had my French 4 and AP Lit exams on Thursday. This year, for the first time in my four-year French class career, my teacher (the same one I've had for four years) decided to give us a speaking part on the exam. My French accent = non-existent. Our AP Lit exam was 22 questions long and no one got less than 5 wrong.
On Friday, I had my last day of what became the stupidest math class ever after Mr. Hess left. The exam was easy. A-. Then I had my Physics Concepts exam. Mr. Nelligan is such a nutjob. About 15 or 20 of the questions we hadn't even covered and he said were extra credit.
So on Monday I have my Japanese 2 and Psych exams. I need to memorize 29 kanji and learn how to make macaroni and cheese, in Japanese, but my Psych exam will be easy.
On Tuesday, we'll start a new semester. My schedule will be so different, it will be terrifying. My previous third hour, Intro to Being an Idiot Who Can't Do Algebra 2, will then be Government. My sixth hour, Psychology, will become Psychology 2.
I can't wait! Sarcasm, sarcasm.
I love you all.
P. S.
Love of two is one
Here but now they're gone
Came the last night of sadness
And it was clear she couldn't go on
Then the door was open and the wind appeared
The candles blew and then disappeared
The curtains flew and then he appeared
Saying don't be afraid
Come on, baby
And she had no fear
And she ran to him
Then they started to fly
They looked backward and said goodbye
She had become like they are
She had taken his hand
She had become like they are
Come on baby
Don't fear the reaper
2 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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