lalala

lalala

:: 2009 8 November :: 12.00am

Feelings suck a lot of the time.
And I hate how once people wiggle into my heart they get stuck there and won't leave..
It hasn't really happened in the past year + (thankfully) but..

I need to learn how to let go.

godessalthena

:: 2009 5 November :: 11.14pm

Current holiday wish list:
any t-shirt from asofterworld.com
a softer world book
a new full set of kitchen pans etc.
PS3
LOVE

godessalthena

:: 2009 5 November :: 1.53am

Sex should always be screaming bloody murder good :3

1 love | <3

godessalthena

:: 2009 4 November :: 11.23pm

Well... My life is extremely boring and filled with pointless stress I really don't want..
There are a lot of things I really don't want..

But I did finally get Giraffie back! An old friend who has always been there and loved me. Last night was the first night in a long time that I had him in my arms again and it just felt so right..

My Premera interview is this Friday.. I'm very nervous and very worried about moving.. Or finding the means to move. But if I get this job there is no way in HELL I am staying here a day longer. I need out and I need it now! I need a change. I need a new life, a fresh start. A city that let's me be myself without feeling ashamed or afraid! I read a hilarious quote today.. That there are two sets of values in Washington: that of Seattle and that of the rest of Washington.

Living in Spokane again really made this painfully clear. I can't wait to get out.

godessalthena

:: 2009 3 November :: 9.50am

Premera called me! The one in Mount Lake Terrace. They want to know if I'll be moving that way.. Answer is HELL YES if I am offered a position.

Now all I need is a place that is low cost on the front end or a small personal loan :)

godessalthena

:: 2009 2 November :: 11.05am

Things are pretty nice right now.. We have enough to pay rent, we will have enough to cover everything, Halloween was fun, and I have the hottest boyfriend ever!

Now if only we could find a bitchin' roomie.. Or be in Seattle :D

I'm getting a haircut soon. I'm experimenting with new make up. I'm losing weight. I just need to be a little more positive and I'll be all set for a happy life :)

godessalthena

:: 2009 1 November :: 6.15pm

I like the way Sus put it - they treat me the way they do because they see me as an adult. So I don't need to be doted on or shown affection. I'm a big girl now..

I hope Zuzu liked her gifts..

1 love | <3

labyrinth

:: 2009 1 November :: 1.15am
:: Mood: stressed

Sigh
Today wasn't the worse day, but not exactly good either. I look forward to Fridays all the time. I originally planned on going to see "The Nightmare Before Christmas" in 3D on FRIDAY. It didn't happen. 1) I got a call saying I have to work on Friday right after school. 2) I didn't get a break, to rest and work on my homework. 3) I couldn't find my Nightmare movie pass that I received for free in the mail. 4) It was all my fault for not putting it in my backpack. I can't blame anyone but myself for not storing things properly. 5) I've got 2 projects coming. Nutrition diet project(4 pages) and English presentation about food. The book I have to read was supposed to be hard. According to the teacher, she had trouble reading it. She had to read with a dictionary by her side. 6) Since the book is hard, I have to finish it on time. I didn't even finish Chapter 1, but she already assigned Chapter 2. Great.. I'm tired of life and I'm tired of being fat.

godessalthena

:: 2009 30 October :: 9.16pm

This sadness needs to leave.. I know what it's from but I have no way to remedy it.

Everytime you say it I want to say "liar" because I know you don't really mean it..

What's wrong with me?

1 love | <3

godessalthena

:: 2009 30 October :: 2.24am

A softer world makes my life. Period.

1 love | <3

godessalthena

:: 2009 29 October :: 6.38pm

No Halloween plans..
No Friday plans..
No friends who can hang out when I'm free..
This really sucks..

I need to find somewhere to find friends..

1 love | <3

godessalthena

:: 2009 27 October :: 11.19am

Sometimes I really wish I was someone else..

I want to be happy with my life. To let go of the people who don't love me and focus on the ones who do..

I almost lost the last piece of home I have.. And it's all my fault. I don't understand why I work so hard to ruin the last nice and steady thing in my life. :/

I love you, Sus. <3

2 loves | <3

godessalthena

:: 2009 24 October :: 12.33pm

Didn't get the Premera job :(

1 love | <3

labyrinth

:: 2009 23 October :: 5.49pm

I'm obsessed with Vegetarianism and Veganism. I'm probably gonna become a Vegan in the future because I like it. Right now, I don't really eat that much. It can taste good or bad, but it doesn't matter to me that much. I care about not eating animal more than I would care about taste.

godessalthena

:: 2009 21 October :: 11.08am

Well.. I think I'm getting better at staying positive in the face of adversity..

But.. Premera's new hire class starts on Monday and I still haven't heard from them... :( it's making me really worried.. I honestly will go crazy if they do not rehire me. I don't see reason for them to not hire me again.. D:

:/ I really am getting frustrated with my life.

Angel_bob

:: 2009 19 October :: 2.04am

Oh, Wikipedia, you slay me
"Vaughn dated two of his The Break-Up co-stars: actress Joey Lauren Adams during the filming of 1999's A Cool, Dry Place[9] and jon favreau between 2005 and 2006."

Ha ha. I'm totally not fixing that. That's awesome.

Also, in the discussion:
"This article seems incomplete without some mention and/or photo of his weird right thumb."

and

"Vince looks part black...he has some skeletons in the closet. he looks quadroon to me like he has black grandma"

godessalthena

:: 2009 18 October :: 9.48pm
:: Mood: drained

Wii... Have nothing to do haha!
We got a wii today.. After being constantly ditched and brushed off withthe people we attempt to be friends with we decided to finally get something to entertain us while we are drunk and stuck at home! (I'm secretly hoping it will entice more ppl to come and hang out with us!)

work scheduling sucks.. I work Sunday thru Thursday 2 to 10 and Sus works Monday thru Friday 9 to 5... Which is f'ing retarded. Alls I can say is Premera better freaking call me this week.. Ppl at work can't understand how I can stand working with and living with him. Like I see him 24/7 :/ which isn't true.

And I don't really like half + of my team (I say + cuz I haven't met everyone on my team yet.. But I don't really like 4 of the 5 ppl I've met on the team :/)

oh well! We'll see what happens!

godessalthena

:: 2009 17 October :: 9.54am

Now that I've done it.. I can definitely see the appeal of going out and drinking with friends. Last night was really fricken fun and I think the only thing that could have made it better would be my back not being injured so I could have joined in DDR. And to have those born agains STFU

1 love | <3

Angel_bob

:: 2009 16 October :: 7.32pm

Speaking of...
Look what I noticed today, kids!

Read more..

2 loves | <3

Angel_bob

:: 2009 15 October :: 6.52pm

I just unsubscribed from a wedding blog because they offered the most retarded wedding tip ever: "Etiquette strictly forbids listing where you've registered on your invitations, so enlist your families, bridesmaids and groomsmen to spread the word - tactfully, please!"

What. How does that make sense? That's just rude. Everyone knows you want gifts and that you registered somewhere. Making them ask you or someone else about it is just rude.

In other news, I'm thinking maybe I should clean up my RSS feeds. I last checked them at 5 am this morning and I now have 53 unread items. Omg.

7 loves | <3

godessalthena

:: 2009 15 October :: 5.58am

Why do I even try..? *take foot, insert in mouth*

drunkenness + txting cute girls who are vulnerable = horrible idea :( :(

1 love | <3

godessalthena

:: 2009 12 October :: 7.46am

I want to amend my last entry:

I don't hate the used of the drug. I hate the overuse and abuse of those drugs.

labyrinth

:: 2009 12 October :: 2.13am
:: Mood: calm

Today is one of the first night where I get to stay up late. I barely have a day off from school. Last week, I took a day off from school on Monday. It was my first time being absent. I don't have any plans for Halloween. I'm not wearing any costume because I made a fool of myself last year. I want to bake pumpkin pie, but I don't have a kitchen and oven. I'm sitting here doing things that I haven't done for a long time. Playing subeta.net and I'm going back to listening to music now.

godessalthena

:: 2009 11 October :: 1.16pm
:: Mood: angry

I am probably in one of the most foul moods I have ever had right now.

I hate how you finally find someone you can talk to and connect with the fucking start taking WAY too many fucking mind altering drugs and change their opinions about eveythinf so whenever you fucking say one thing they jump down your throat and make you feel like a fucking piece of shit. I really have had it with drugs and with hippies. And with the fucking idiots that I work with. I am so fucking sick of bring treated like I'm stupid like I'm wrong like I'm less than every fucking smoker and irresponsible mother and father out there.

I really am trying to be a good person, I try really fucking hard to be responsible and to take care of myself. I spend so much of my fucking time thinking about what would be best for this world and for myself and then I get treated like fucking shit. I am not a bad daughter I am not a bad friend I am not a bad anything. I'm an abused and neglected girl who is trying her fucking best to not get beaten down so badly she can't stand to live anymore.

I'm sorry you have become a good-for-nothing druggie who has no money no prospects and can only think about their next trip. I miss the friend I used to have. I miss the person who used to support me and comfort me and be there for me. I have no fucking clue what happened to you but you are no where near the same person and it kills me every time we talk...

I just wish I could have what i used to. I wish things didn't always turn out this way.. It isn't fair and it isn't right.

Fuck you pot acid lsa.. Fuck all psychadellics. You ruin people. You destroy beautiful people.

godessalthena

:: 2009 8 October :: 10.17pm

God I have been so freaking exhausted this week! Waking up every morning at 5 am and going to bed at 10 pm.. It's so taxing.. Plus working full time at a job I am bad at and the stress of feeling like a loser at work.. I need an assload of sleep..

Plus the meds I'm taking mean I can't have a night cap :/ good news is the horrible thing that could have been wrong with me is just weakening due to a constant bacterial infection caused by irregular bleeding.. Haha what a loop! I prolly got a cut and the blood caused an imbalance so the natural bacteria went crazy causing a chain reaction! What a relief!

And the best thing to come out of my dr's visit is I'm on seasonique and the dr said there is absolutely no reason for me to ever have a period on such a low dose!!!!!!! I can't tell you how fucking rad that is!! I hate the mood swings the nausea the immense pain sleepless nights.. The fights the more intense and frequent bouts of sadness... NEVER AGAIN!! And prolly no menopause! God that was a painful but productive visit!

Anyway.. I can't wait to start making money to start saving money and paying off credit cards :)

Angel_bob

:: 2009 7 October :: 12.58am

Jaunty
I downloaded Ubuntu today. It is pretty cool.

Except a bunch of things didn't install correctly or automatically so I spent the first two hours fumbling around the internets and learning new things by stumbling blindly into terms I'd never heard before in my life.

I did get to relive fun DOS times in a place called Terminal. It made me feel like I was 6 again and booting up Lion King Print Studio. I never printed anything, we didn't have a printer. I just made cards. And didn't save them. P.S. Windows 3.1 and that cat/mouse cheese game, you will always have a special place in my heart.

Anyway, Ubuntu. It is good. And gorgeous. And my computer does not chug up or burn my fingerprints off.

And that, children, is progress.

P.S. I don't know where Ubuntu is getting its weather reports from but it is eerily accurate. It was raining earlier and it said rain. Then it stopped and was very windy and it said windy and cloudy. Now it started raining again and it says it is raining. I may never have to leave the house again.

5 loves | <3

godessalthena

:: 2009 6 October :: 3.18pm

Sometimes this monster named intense immediate and all encompassing sadness finds me and holds on tight. It makes me feel like my chest is made of lead and I have knots in my throat and I get this horrible urge to cry or scream.

It has me right now and squeezing tight and I feel like there is no way out. It feels like I'm slowly dying and I almost just want to give in...

I feel like I don't fit and I want to run and disappear so I never have to see these people again. I hate feeling like a back up.. But that's what I am and always will be.

2 loves | <3

angel_bob

:: 2009 5 October :: 2.59am
:: Music: When Water Comes to Life by Cloud Cult

Monroe Center
I'm pretty sure the people across the street have seen my butt.

Multiple times.

As it runs from bathroom to bedroom and from bedroom to bathroom.

Who's across the street you ask?

Oh, you know, just some condos above the sushi restaurant.

And the Grand Rapids Police Department.

No biggie.

7 loves | <3

labyrinth

:: 2009 2 October :: 6.35pm

Volunteering
Yesterday was my first day of volunteer work. It was a piece of cake! I helped serve free dinner for the poor(basically putting bread on the tray for 2 hours). The place was somewhat creepy. It reminds me of the movies. Weird people, and the inside isn't really pretty. The smell of food wasn't appetizing either. Some lady asked me if I was hungry because she saw me looking at the food. I said, "No thanks." I just wanted to see what they were serving. Some workers are weird too. There's this old lady with a scary looking scab on her face. Why can't she just cover it up with a bandage? Overall, it was a good experience because I've never did anything like this before. I need at least 10 hours and I'm gonna do this other volunteer work in November. At first I was dreading the thought of volunteer work, but it is definitely better than what I thought.

godessalthena

:: 2009 30 September :: 5.58pm

Today was extremely stressful.. I hate my job I hate he QA chick plus mist of her department.. I feel like i'm one of the biggest losers there because I'm different and I really suck at selling stuff...

But I do really love my new phone! It isn't a huge piece of crap that alwaysturns off and never does what I say! My old phone was such a piece of crap..

We hung out with Lauren last night and it was really fun and awesome!! It was worht he hge hangover..

I've been thinking a lot about the past and all the stupid things that have happened... I feel like cryig more often than not ususally.. I just feel so stupid for making the choices I have and for not bein able to change the circumstances I'm in for a good year. I just can't look at my future and see me suceeding anymore.. I'm so terrified that I'm gign to be in debt forever now..

I just want to leave Spokane. I'm so done with this city.

2 loves | <3