imaqinary
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2007 1 February :: 7.15pm
:: Mood: crushed
i feel so empty..
&& I haven't even left yet.
Gosh... my dad signed the papers to sell the house. We should be moving in about a month or so, unless I decide to live with my mom for the time being. I'm thinking long and hard about this because I really don't want to leave Alyssa. She's all I have. She's everything. She's my world & I'd be leaving it behind. How could I do that? I mean, there's this more than amazing school that I could be going to.. but really, no one I know will be there. My whole world is here. Do I really want to leave it? Part of me says yes. The other part says no. Although, I'll only be about an hour and 45 minutes away, it'll still seem like worlds apart. I mean, I don't see Alyssa rarely as it is. Imagine when I can only see her every other weekend... gosh.. =[ I don't know if I can do it again. We tried it when she left to Michigan and we didn't really make it. I don't know... I have to think.
i love Alyssa soo much.
more than anything & anyone.
forever and always.
here are some icons.
Read more..
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imaqinary
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2007 29 January :: 5.27pm
:: Mood: angry
& it all begins like this...
"& so it is....
just like you said it would be."
It's been a long time & I thought I should bring my journal up to date a little bit. First off, Alyssa.
We're great. As perfect as we're ever going to be. I love her & she loves me, we're going to be one big happy family. lol Yeah, we're amazing. Except for not seeing her as much because of homeschooling & now because her parents think we hang out too much (if they only knew....). It sucks. =[ But just one more year, & we'll be away. Away from it all. We'll be together. Able to be with eachother whenever we want. =] It'll be amazing.
Next, John Mayer.
Alyssa & I went to the concert on friday. AMAZING!!! lol Aly & Eric were there as well & our seats weren't very far apart. =] coolness! I got a shirt & Dippin Dots. SCORENESS! hehe. It was an excellent concert. I still can't believe I was like.. 500 ft. or less away from John Mayer. AH!
Third, the Rodeo.
Our quartet, which consists of Lyndsay, Alyssa, myself, & Anjane, sang at the Homestead Rodeo on Sunday. Wow. In 58 years of the Rodeo, we were the first quartet. Pretty awesome. =] We didn't do as well as we should've but there were also things you have to take in account. We were outside, it was windy as hell, their PA system was not very good at all. Of course we could've been better, but we can always be better. Overall it was pretty good.
Well, that was major weekend. hehe.
Also, I'm going to be recording a harmony part on a song for this band Dissever. It's going to be pretty cool. Apparently, I might be singing with them live next week at some show.. but I'm not sure. I'll update if anything.
[ l o v e a l w a y s ]
. g i n a .
i { l o v e } alyssa
.more than the moon & sky.
forever & always
.we'll be together.
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kentnj2
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2007 4 January :: 1.38pm
New Years
Another year has gone so quickly by. Let the new year bring happiness.
2 i pretty much |
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imaqinary
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2007 3 January :: 10.38pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: "Man On The Side"- John Mayer
All because of her... my life feels.. liveable..
:Sigh: this past week has been such an amazing week. Ok, Christmas was great.. but it came & went extremely fast. It's already the 3rd.. wow. The days are speeding by. Since the 30th, everything has been great. Let's start on the 30th.
Last saturday. Went shopping with Alyssa to the Falls. Bought a $40 bra at Victoria's Secret! =] A micro mini skirt & white sandals at Hollister. Awesome day. (Before I mention this, Alyssa & I broke up on the 20th. =[) Later that night, I decided that I wanted to be back with her. I missed her so much. Seriously, we've been inseperable since saturday. I haven't been this happy in sooo long. I love her so much!
New Years Eve. What an awesome day. Besides the fact that the Dolphins lost. But it was to be expected. Especially since we were up against the Colts =[. I hung out with Tiffany & Alyssa. Gees, it was so much fun. I missed hanging out with Tiffany. =[ I loved it & I hope it happens more often. I actually wanted to drink that day. Really weird since I'm completely against drinking. =\ I had a tiny bit of Hennessy but wasn't evennear tipsiness. I kissed Alyssa at exactly 12! Aww.. it was awesome. =] & Then, Tiffany, Alyssa & I had a group hug around 12. Gosh, so cool. hehe
The rest of this week I've either been staying at Alyssa's or hanging out with her and then going home. This week has been amazing. I stayed up on New Years Eve till 7 in the morning with Alyssa. Just talking. I haven't had that in so long. I missed it. =] I'm so happy I'm back with her. I'm never going to mess up again. I won't ever lie or be confused. I want to be with her forever. Really. I love her so much.
Well, I have to go... I'll write as soon as I can.
I love you Alyssa.
Always & Forever baby.
More than anything & everything.
=]
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chorusnerd620
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2007 3 January :: 7.01pm
:: Music: Angels and Airwaves- The GIft
Love is the Pursuit of Happiness
Love is such a Great Feeling
Wow, i cant believe we're in our 3rd day of 2007 going to already our 4th! So much has happened. I bet this year is gonna be a good one. I really hope so.
Gina and I Got back together. I was so HAPPY!!!!! I know this time we're gonna do it. We'll make it. I know it! i FEEL it! I never wanna lose her again. I love her SOOOOO much and she loves me! ima be a good g/f. The best ive EVER been towards ANYONE! Shes my world. My life. My everything. She said she was gonna change some of the things she regretted before and never hurt me again. I hope she doesnt. Ive given her 2 chances after this no more. But i believe she wont. She told me and i believe her, i really do! New years night and Last night we're both amazing! Gina and I talked so much. I LOVED it! Great Communication. We also have Loyalty. I would NEVER cheat on her. NEVER! Love, thats what we truly have. Now so this relationship to e perfect we need Honesty. Hopefully, Gina can do it. I know she can. If she loves me the way she does then it wont be a tad bit difficult. :sigh: im so in love! Never been more Happy.
The new years was great! I was with my Gorgeous G/f and good friend Tiffany! It was fun!! Man, i havent hungout with both of them at the same time in a while. It was Great. Ive missed it so much. I hope we have more hangouts like that. And Jose will come to! It was fun blowing up fireworks, i was gonna throw some at them but i didnt. They're faces were funny though. :snickers: We all hugged when it was 12:00 and Gina and i kissed. I've never done that before, im glad Gina was the first person. :D eeekkk! It was beautiful! Tiffany and i drank it was cool! Gina wanted to get tipsy, that was weird. I should've recorded it cause she NEVER says that. We hungout all night. It was fun. And i didnt go to sleep until freakin 7:00. Just talking to my baby. That was Awesome! New Year's was the BEST!
Ima try to be different this year. I mean im gonna turn 17. WOW! What the heck, its crazy! Graduating in a year and a half. Gonna be living somewhere WITHOUT my parents. So many freakin Responsibilities. Bills...ugh. I dont really wanna grow up. I like being immature and not having to worry about things. The only avantage i would have is being able to be wtih Gina EVERYDAY! :sigh: i cant wait. I know its gonna be difficult with bills and stuff but ima do everything in my power to maintain a roof for my baby's head. Ima do it watch! :D Anything for her. We'll get through it together.
This year is so far so good. i LOVE it. I hope it continues like this. Being wtih the person i love most and Hanging out with my buddy Tiffany!!! YAY! cool! A few down a couple more to go...This is gonna be a long year.....
I Love Gina!!
FOREVER and EVER and EVER and EVER and EVER!
My One and Only.
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chorusnerd620
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2006 29 December :: 12.03am
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: "Come What May (Finale)" - Moulin Rouge
life...Duh!
Its been a while since ive typed in here. Now seems a great way to update! :)
Alot has happened in this 2 or 3 week period. I moved back home! Im so happy about that. I know this place is one the worst places to live but i dont care i love it. "You never realize you love something until its gone", i never really believed that quote until i was home alone wtih nothing to do. How depressing. I loved it, but then again i hated it. But i just couldnt adjust, maybe cause i didint want to or maybe just cause i oculdnt. Whatever it was im here now. Safe. Happy? Sure. I guess you could say that. Im more happier here than i ever wouldve been there. Stuff has happened but i cant do anything about it.
Recently, Gina broke up with me. On our 6 month Anniversary. Reason why: Unknown. Most of confusion. I guess you can say. My reaction towards it, was ok. Very surprisingly. usually i cry and cry for days and stupid crap like that. But i guess you can say being with Gina has made me mature alot more in relationships. of course i was hurt. But we have been discussing quite some time before the action took place. I was ready for either outcome. It hurts alot, oh yea it does. But no need for tears. Why cry if it makes her happy? If she doesnt wanna be wtih me tahn im not gonna make her. Thats stupid. I would rather her be with me causeshe wants to be than out of Sympathy or pity. Honesty is such an amazing thing, i wish people would use it more often. Love, how i wish more was in the world. I really do wish Gina would come back to me and everything be the way it was before, BETTER than it was as of that matter. Whatever happens just...happens. I hope her decision makes HER happy. Hopefully she doesnt choose an answer to make me happy or anyone else happy. Just her.
My Parents. PERFECT COUPLE! yea, never happen! I hope the person i spent the rest of my life with, our relationship isnt like that, or anywhere near it. Like a month ago they hated each other and didnt want anything to do with each other. And now they fuck everyday. We were living with my grandma for a while and it kinda sucked but hey i lived closer to Gina and Tiffany. :) Then my mom got tired of it and we went to our house cause we were gonna sneak in but my dad changed the locks. ASSHOLE! then miraculously! we found an open window. we shoved my brother in here and he opened the door we got in and put our things away. And yea my dad came home it was better tahn expected, until my dad called the cops. DON DON DON!!! nothing happened though. it was all good, than my dad left and a couple of hours he came back begging my mom to work it out and saying he loved her and other bullshit like that. Stupid! how pathetic. For a week they were good, but my mom and dad hung around his family and my dad was an asshole to her and shit happened. But AGAIN they worked it out and they're ok.I think, no i KNOW my moms' an idiot for going back to my dad. But hey Love is weird and STUPID. who knows they're outcome. THey want another kid. But w/e those 2 stupid idiots know what they want. Ones a Coke head, drunk and the other is a moron. Pretty fucked up family. lol. Oh well, i guess i love them. :) All i know is that i wont ever end up like them.
School...ive been in it for a week but havent really gone to my classes. :( But once we go back ima be good. i promise Journal! :D
Well its 12:52. Ima go. ill update later. Goodnight Journal.
I Love You
*~Gina~*
~*AlWaYs AnD fOrEvEr~*
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imaqinary
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2006 18 December :: 3.58pm
:: Mood: confused
Cannibal Girl..
Eh... I don't know what I'm doing anymore.
I mean, life isn't suppsed to hurt this much.. right?
Every damn decision I've made recently has, I feel, been wrong. =\
Alyssa came back to Homestead =] For good! So yeah, almost the entire time she's been down (About a week), we've been talking about breaking up. It's all my fault. This all happened because I'm "confused".
I love her. No confusion there. I still somewhat love Mike. Complete Confusion! I started talking to him & I shouldn't have. I don't want to hurt Alyssa anymore & I never want to lose her as my best friend. =[ She told me that we'll always be best friends and that she'd accept it if we broke up but I know it would be awkward for a while & oh gosh... I don't know. There's a big part part of me that wants to be with her so bad but then there's the part that tells me we should break up. She said she'd always be here for me & that breaking up would be easier for me... but it would still be hard because it would be hurting her. God... I don't want to hurt her anymore. I love her so much... but I've lied to her too many times although I didn't mean to. I've lost her trust. I wish she knew how much I really do love her. =[
I'm acting the same way I have in every relationship. I'm a horrible girlfriend. I think in some subconscious way, I'm afraid of commitment. Things being final. I don't know. =[ I wish I knew how I felt about everything.
Things should start getting better... I'm getting over a cold & my voice is coming back, slowly but surely. I'm also getting withdrawn from school this week because of home-schooling & then the next 2 weeks are Christmas break.
I haven't wanted to do it in a while, but I remember what it feels like to want to die.
I want to now.
"The fame & praise come
year after year
Does nothing for these empty
tears."
-Jack's Lament, Nightmare Before Christmas
Gina
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