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2004 28 October :: 9.24 am
Please...if you have something to say to me, or if you want to ask me something instead of making assumptions...say it to my face.
hit me! |
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2004 26 October :: 8.56 pm
He finally told me whats going on...the whole thing...I'm so happy that I can finally understand the situation...I just have to keep telling myself "the juice is worth the squeeze" :)
hit me! |
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2004 25 October :: 6.00 pm
You totally lost me. Between the kissing and holding hands, and our past of not being able to resist each other, and then the whole hesitation thing. I just wish you would tell me how you feel and make up your mind. I mean, I understand you may want to take time and figure this out, but while you do that, I'm hanging on a thread.
Waiting, just waiting.
To me, what we could have is so awesome and so incredible. Is it because you're scared of it? Is that what it is? Is it because of what you had with her, and then lost? *sighs deeply*
I'm just going to go cuddle up in a blanket by myself and wonder.
20 smacked me |
hit me! |
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2004 24 October :: 2.06 pm
Went to the concert last night, loved it. Forever December was my favorite! Gotta love those guys.
hit me! |
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2004 24 October :: 1.50 pm
Why why why do I have to like you? Gosh I'm confused.
hit me! |
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2004 9 October :: 12.27 pm
:: Mood: excited
Partying at Travis Warrens property tonight....it's been the excellent type of week to warrent me getting shit faced...
1 smacked me |
hit me! |
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2004 7 October :: 8.13 pm
:: Mood: empty and alone
:: Music: Little Miss Cypher-Pepe Deluxe
Hardest times
If I ever thought it was bad before, I never possibly could wrap my mind around how it would be now. Things are so bad. So draining and so wrong. Everything and everybody out of place and out of character, like everything has been reversed. Like something you would see in a work by Picasso. Those who I thought I could count on, have left. My time is gone in their eyes, and it's time to change. Unfortunately, there's not much that makes me feel anymore. I just go on, not caring, except about a precious few things...and the one thing that makes me feel the most, doesn't want anything to do with me. The one. THE one. Somehow, I think I got left out of Gods sketch book. I think He forgot me. I just stopped, but the time kept ticking, and days went by. i just stayed in the past somewhere, lost. People and things kept on existing, and i just layed here, brain dead, sin emotion, sin everything. It's awful, living a life that no longer exists. If that even makes sense.
Moving in with my aunt and uncle is definitley going to be a hard transition. It all leaves an awful taste in my mouth. I just hope I can get through it all and figure out how to get him back. Oops, I didn't say that did i? hmm, maybe i did. Oh well, i dont think he reads this anymore any ways. Well, i'm sleepy, need rest.
1 smacked me |
hit me! |
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2004 4 October :: 10.27 pm
1 smacked me |
hit me! |
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2004 30 September :: 9.35 am
The attention span of a bear...yeah that's just about right kev. :D
hit me! |
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2004 26 September :: 11.29 pm
ALERT!!!
GUNNESON SIGHTING @ 5:21 pm this afternoon!!! Right in his drive way!
Except, he has NO idea who I am. Meh.
6 smacked me |
hit me! |
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2004 21 September :: 8.44 pm
:: Mood: confused
I don't know why I moved on so fast. Maybe I was scared. I was so in love with you, and all of a sudden, I just wasn't; as harsh as that sounds. I really didn't want it to be this way, I thought I would get over it, but I guess I was wrong. I'm not saying that it might not still happen, I just thought it would be sooner than this.
We rushed into things, and I don't know why, but it took me almost 6 months to freak out. I did want all those things we talked about, but now I'm not sure if we're meant to be. We constantly bickered, and I was always having to nag on you to do this or do that. You broke pinkie promises, and you had such a bad temper. I tried to help, but all you did was tell me that you would do it, but didn't.
And now, I needed my space, and you said fine, but you kept calling me and bugging me about it, and it just turned me off even more. I needed you to just say ok, and then not call me and tell me that we're meant to be and all that; i needed to be without you, but when i was talking to you, you were nagging me. It just pushed me away, and I tried to tell you that it would, but you didn't listen.
The worst part of it is that I've been telling myself all my life that I would never change, because I saw what happen to those who love the morphing person. I used to think that it was awful that someone could do that. Now I hate myself even more. I've become what I hate. Every day it gnashes at me, and makes me more hurt and upset.
I just don't know how to fix it, and go back to how we used to be. If I knew how to make it better, I would.
1 smacked me |
hit me! |
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2004 19 September :: 10.04 pm
well....now that it's over, I feel like I used him a little bit, but he reassures me that I didn't. I like not having any commitments. But I feel guilty. I'm definetley happy where I'm at now, but I'm not sure if this is a short lived thing, wanting to be all free like this. Oh well, I guess only time will tell.
hit me! |
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2004 3 September :: 12.51 am
hit me! |
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2004 2 September :: 11.55 pm
:: Mood: hestitant, confused, scared
Wow, it's really been a long time since I wrote in this. I've been really busy all summer. Not with a job like normal people, just trying to enjoy my summer; soak up the whole thing. Andrew started college yesterday. So far he seems to like it ok. I hope that he really does good, and thinks about going to college for 4 years though.
I had a really weird feeling tonight at the football game. I was sitting there, looking at all the people around me, thinking about the past and how it used to be. We've all grown and changed so much. I almost wish we could relive those days of crayons and construction paper, lunchboxes and recess. We were all so innocent, so fresh to the world and carefree. But I know that the reason we experienced all those wonderful moments and memories was to be living the very moment we are now. We are seniors, in our last and final year of the journey we started so long ago. It's almost unrealistic. Most of us are hesitant and scared to go on because we value greatly the securities and comforts of our natural environment. Going to school has been habit, almost ritualistic. Moving on to college or other post secondary schools will be new, awkward, and out of the ordinary. We have to be adults; be responsible and live on our own.
This is finally the beginning of the end.
3 smacked me |
hit me! |
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2004 11 August :: 10.35 pm
hit me! |
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