::
2008 7 January :: 5.14pm
:: Music: a day to be alone - one less reason
Its amazing how your surroundings impact your feelings.
Lately I have had more than enough time to think about things.
And I'm not sure if it's because I'm a very fickle indecisive person, or because I really truly do not know what I want out of life, but I haven't been able to come up with an answer for anything.
The more I think, the more clustered everything gets.
I'm almost positive what i want to go to college for, and career i want to pursue.
I feel that my boyfriend deserves more than what I am capable of giving him.
But I know that if that were true, he'd leave or been gone a long time ago.
Which makes me very grateful for every moment I've spent with him, every memory we've created, and anxious for moments and memories to come.
Is it possible to be so completely happy, yet feel so depressed at the same time?
I saw my Dentist drinking pop yesterday. It made me giggle on the inside.
My Birthday in 3 days! I'll no longer be a 'teen' and that feels really weird to me.
Welcome 2008! I sadly worked during New Years eve, so I ddnt even get to sit home and watch the ball drop, let alone be out with friends. =(
Damn Meijer Nazis.
On another note, I heard Vitamin C's "Graduation" while working the other day. I admit it brought on a couple tears.
EDIT: Haha! Gotta love Wee-man dude. This was posted on his myspace blog yesterday.
What could you see?
What could you find?
If we meet please avert your eyes.
What I'd never show, what you'll never find
Is explosive, so hide your eyes.
Just really looked into Blaqk Audio, and just found out that they're actually Davey Havok and Jade Puget from AFI. It's funny, cuz I've been listening to 'Stiff Kittens' for a long time, and never recognized Davey's voice. It seems like it should have been obvious now, but, oh well.
They have a great sound, I suggest you check them out. =] 'Stiff Kittens' if nothing else, because its' a great song.
So i haven't updated in about a month.
Figured it was time I should.
Still looking for a job.
Christmas is around the corner.
All my shopping is done.
I have christmas with my moms family today at 3.
Christmas with my dads family tomorrow at 1.
Christmas with my dad sometime between now and monday.
Christmas with my mom monday I believe.
Christmas with Paula and Jim and the kids on Monday night Tuesday morning.
And i think that about sums up my christmas' for 2007.
The closer christmas gets, the more exited I get.
And I get to see my sister and my brother in law!
i am moving back to cedar. there is nothing in this godforsaken armpit of america.
move home at the end of the month. much work and debt repayment will follow.
then 21. then enjoying my life and planning my wedding.
Why is it that anytime someone has a song they like or is stuck in their head they have to post the lyrics to it?
I don't mind hearing about what other music people like.. But instead of posting every word of the song and taking up half a page doing it.. Just post the Name of he band and title of the song and "If" I feel like knowing what the lyrics are.. i can look them up myself or just listen to it.
Maybe its cause Im lazy and don't like scrolling past a half o' page of lyrics, but it really annoys me when people do that.
I saw the most ungodly beautiful sunrise on my way home from work this morning. I say 'ungodly' because it was actually pretty foreboding in a way. Even a bit malignant. The sun itself had a beam of red light that shot straight up into the sky, like some weird searchlight, and the clouds around it were just bathed in deep red, though it got lighter and more orange as time passed.
All I could think about was how much I wanted my camera right then. Sometimes I wish it were much more portable. =(
Okay, so I was driving down the road the other day when we actually had sunlight. And I saw my sunglasses laying there and thought I should wear them. So I put them on and I think, "Wow, these are fitting kind of wierd, I think someone sat on/kicked/stepped on, or otherwise maimed them in some fashion." (Yes I really think like that) and I just keep going for a while longer, then I notice they have a couple scratches on the lenses that make it annoying to look out of. So then I think, "Shit, these are like almost brand new, now I'm angry." And so I start looking at the scratches, and then I start looking at the rest of the sunglasses more critically, and I stop, and a realization hits me. "Hey, these aren't mine."
And so...the moral of the story is...I have someone's sunglasses in my car. So....If you are missing some sunglasses then let me know =]
And If you haven't been in my car in the past month or so... I know they're not yours. =]
::
2007 24 November :: 4.14am
:: Music: The Black Keys - The Breaks
Changing isn't easy, down push me down
60 years crammed into the past three, I've been more places then most of you could imagine. I've also gone not nearly as far as some of you. I can't pretend to imagine everyones individual trials, so I'll handle my own here and now.
There are times when I wish I could take everything back. Start over new. You can't change the past. All I can do is apologize and shuffle on. I'm tired of being cynical. I've seen dark things, been to terrible places. I miss the simple carefree times. I miss love.
It's really kind've funny in ways. I became the embodiment of shady. No more. My vices are the past. I miss old friends that I pushed away with indifference.
Never again.
I quit smoking. My 21st birthday was a good marking point.
Got a free two year membership to powerhouse gym. I work out three times a week now.
I work out of a college algebra book in my free time to get my brain back to functioning. I still suck at math, heh.
I need to get college over with so I can get out of this state. I'll be here a few years.
Any old friends out there, feel free to give me a call. It's been a long ass time.
Peace at last..
Well, She is finally getting the help she needs and that is a huge weight taken off my shoulders. Its nice being able to stay out late with my friends and not have to answer for myself when i come home.
I'm tire of being treated like a 13 year old with a curfew. Why do women always assume that just because you live together that they can dictate everything you do. I'm sorry if i sound like an asshole, but if i haven't put a ring on your finger, whether were living together or not, I do not answer to you or anyone but myself and am not jumping thru hoops to make you happy.
Yesterday I spent a good portion of my afternoon, and evening at the hospital.
My grandmother was admitted for observation because they still weren't quite positive why she quit breathing. They think it may have been a mini stroke.
This is already a hard time of year as it is.
6 years ago wednesday my grandfather passed away. (it was the day before thanksgiving that year as well).
3 years ago my grandmother passed away the day before christmas eve.
So Christmas came early at my house last night.
Mike bought me a 20 inch Widescreen (because they only had widescreen) Flat Panel Monitor.
I have a sort of interview tomorrow, to take an IQ Test.
There is a place in Edmore looking for an Office Assistant and April from Manpower is looking into that for me.
well, back to burger king it is.
with the applications i put in, burger king called and hired me
i start on monday.
It feels degrading going back there, but money is money.
otherwise i have been sick since wednesday, i feel like shit.
my cousin alysse goes to oakland university in detroit with Samantha Huegan (i know i spelled that wrong... sorry)
Anyways, they are friends and although i never knew sam, alot of my friends did.
So that is me finding irony in life, plus my dad called because he thought i know sam.
Aside from that, i got new running shoes. I can do very short sprints and run a quarter mile before my shins really hurt, but i am workig my way up.
Attempting to quit smoking but i always have to leave room for error. But good for now.
