[ holy shit lol ]
alright, so my last few days have been soo good. i'm starting to really enjoy my life again. it's amazing. this is going to be a long entry, so get ready lol.

alright, so i thought my life was going to be hell for.. ever. i lost jill because she's a horrible friend for ditching me every chance i get. and even at the all nighter, me and this other kid (who will remain nameless) found a way to like.. look over everyone and have nobody notice, and we were lookin out at everyone and i was talking about jill and how she was always ditching me, and this other person was like "for jacki.. yeah i see that." see, i'm not the only one that noticed. but yeah. so we were like.. watchin them from our lil.. area. anyway, so yeah.. way for me to get off point. back to what i was saying.. because jill was always ditching me, i told myself i was just going to tell her it's done. i can't be her friend anymore cause she does this to me now for a stupid male. i wasn't ever gonna let somebody take my dignity away because of a guy. but i honestly thought i wasn't going to be able to do it, but i did.. and i'm actually really happy. i miss her mom, a lot, but i'm not gonna be jill's friend for her mom. i'll still talk to her mom and stuff when i see her, but i tried being jill's friend. i tried being real cool with her at graduation.. and the whole night. and then her and jacki totally like.. leave the fucking graduation without me. yeah, thanks. so i was walking and somebody was like "dude.. jill and jacki left already." i.. started to cry that day. honestly. and when tj gave me a hug and told me he was proud of me.. yeah. i almost cried then too.. cause it's like "thanks, you say that to me.. but not jill or jacki.. and they know about the shit i went thru when i was a sophomore." whatever. anyway.. so yeah. i didn't think i'd be able to just.. say fuck them. cause jill's been my friend for 11 years. but i did it. she's out of my phone, i dont have her number, jacki's, tj's, or.. whoever else's anymore. bruce and kevin i think. i'm not gonna associate with them again. and amazingly enough, i'm in such a great mood.. i really really am. it's.. crazy.

then the whole j thing. yeah.. well, that's going no where. i don't really.. talk to him anymore. and today was the first time i talked to him in a few days cause i had to get something cleared up.. and it did. he doesn't want me part of his life anymore (even tho he wont say that directly.. i know he doesn't) and.. i don't really need him part of mine anymore. he's got marlene, and i got.. nobody heh. but that's fine. i'll go back to my 15 year old attitude and say boys are gay and i don't need one to be happy. so there. i didn't think i'd life thru that one either. i really really didn't. i cried myself to sleep for about.. a week. my best friend leaving me, then the boy i fell inlove with leaving me. yeah, it was hard. real hard. so i've learned that i'm not gonna have best friend.. or fall inlove with nobody.. ever again. i'll have friends, hell yea, but not ones that i'd change my life around for again. but i lived thru j too.

so now, i'm hittin it up with liz a lot. she's real cool. i mean.. i've always known that, but like seriously.. she really is. i used to not care bout her all that much, cause i was a bitch.. like my other "best friend" heh. but like, the more i think about it.. the more i feel like a total asshole. now though, i'm not gonna be like that. i got too much shit to do in my life than to be like "dude.. i dont like that person." fuck it.. if i dont like you, i'm gonna ignore you. it's easier that way.

saw dan at meijer for like.. 2 minutes. made my day. he's so nice. i wish i was a lot closer to him. ima call him sometime now that i got his number lol.

but anyway, last night was fuckin sweet. saturday night. oh man. me and liz got outta work and were like "let's do somethin." so we go to raggs to riches. oh.. my.. god lmao. that place is so fuckin sweet. 7 bucks to get in.. greatest shit ever, i swear. we're gonna go back next weekend too. but like.. we got there, and it was weird cause we haven't really been to a club like that.. other than the brickhouse.. which sucked by the way.. dont go. and then jessica stewart was there, and that made the night that much better. so we were all hangin out and shit. dancin. oh lol. and this guy.. darnell i think his name was. black dude. he had a.. cute face kinda. the closer he got to me.. the more fuzzy he got tho cause i had to start.. crossing my eyes he was so close lmao. but like.. he was kinda.. not right. and he was dancin with jessica, then he was dancin with me. and he got like real real reall close to me. his head was past mine, and he was all like grabbin my ass n shit. i felt special, but at the same time its like "okay.. liz.. jessica.. get him off me." lol. anyway, so it was actually really fun. and he wanted my number. didnt give it to him, if i see him again tho.. i will.. just cause. lol. but yeah, it was so much fun. but my d-bag mom made me be home at 2. so we had to leave. and it was sad. but i had sooo much fun. totally going back. me, liz, jessica. for sure. we had so much fun. we should call up dan too, and christa. and be like "hey.. come with us." that'd be hot.

okay, i'm gonna go now cause.. i want to. i wanna go back to raggs though, for sure. maybe next weekend we'll hit up club rev. and raggs. cause i dont work on saturday (woot).

loves it!
- Jejuan

Words Of Hope?