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:: 2003 2 August :: 7.18pm
:: Music: some weird anime cd that rita lent me

camp!
last week was fuuuuuun. not the whole thing, but most of it. i was the sole leader of 9 cadettes (stupid alicia has some odd idea that i'm responsible, ha!). that was kinda fun (we played a lot of cards) but they whined A LOT and i didn't have anyone else to help back me up. i was especially mad when one of the other cadette groups (which was a bit smaller and was led by an 18 yr old unit leader who earns more than me) was given an aide. but i had a ton of fun with rita again (she volunteered for the week even though she wasn't down to work). and i also had fun with mary and charity (charity was my camper the first week, but she's almost 16). both rita and mary spent a good part of the week trying to get me interested in anime (they say i'm weird enough to be their friend even if i'm not an anime freak, but they're still trying to get me into it). they fed me ramen on friday because i had never had it before, and we all went out to the movies on friday (with jessica, who is friends with rita and worked at camp the first three weeks of the summer). we saw pirates of the carribean, which was really *really* good. i am going to miss rita tons. she was going to come to camp next week, but she can't get a ride home from the bus stop because her dad is busy. i know i'll see her again, partly because she has two of my favorite cds, and i have two of hers (which are both weird anime soundtracks), but i'm going to be all alone next week. i just hope alicia won't put me into a group alone again, or i might go insane.

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fadingintoblue

:: 2003 24 July :: 4.13pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: nothing, unfortuantly

georgia, again
now that i don't have karin's sons right over my shoulder, i can write a bit more candidly: branden is a jerk. he's not a bad jerk, and he might be a nice guy someday, but i don't particularly like him. he's full of himself and mean to his younger brother (who is 12, not 11, but has some disabilities and therefore acts 6). i'm really tired, and i can't wait until we leave tomorrow morning (though it will take forever for us to get home). i finally got my email to work, but it's almost a bit late for it.
on a happier note, these are some cool things i've done on this trip:
driven past several colleges (and gone in one)
eaten "southern food"
passed a giant peach (i've got pictures!)
made witty remarks to a guy who didn't understand any of them (i'm mean, haha)
gone to raleigh, the capital of nc
seen some guy who looks exactly like some guy from nsync (not cool, exactly, but interesting)
stolen really nice lotion from a motel in virginia
had a few good convos with my mom
bought two good looking books
learned how to pump gas
seen all sorts of liscense plates
gone on a cool boat ride

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fadingintoblue

:: 2003 22 July :: 6.14pm
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: tv buzz

georgia
well, my mom's friend has the internet. that's the good part. the bad part is that i can't manage to check my email. also, karin (my mom's friend) has two sons. one is about my age, the other is 11 i think. the one my age (brandon) reminds me of danielle's old bf andrew. i'm going to be here until friday night or saturday morning, and i'll be back sunday night sometime. then i go right back to work at camp on monday. not much of a break, but hopefully alicia won't put me with brownies again (haha, yeah right. after last week i'll probably have two weeks of screaming first graders.)

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fadingintoblue

:: 2003 18 July :: 10.08pm
:: Mood: happy and unhappy
:: Music: green day

camp/georgia
camp was great this week. emily (ack, why does every group *have* to have an annoying one?) got on my nerves, but i managed to keep michele from murdering her (though it was a near thing, and frankly, i wouldn't have blamed her). the writing instructor was really nice, and told me i should try to publish some of my work. she told me that again today, because i think she could sense that i wasn't too keen to just start emailing random local papers begging them to publish my stuff. and i had a ton of fun with rita, jenna, and sara. michele too (if only all campers were my age or older...). i have all of their email and sns (except for jenna's, but she goes to my school anyway). so i'm feeling pretty good right now.
unfortuantly, i'm leaving for a week of mother-daughter bonding (we're going to georgia) tomorrow. so i'm not too happy about that. oh well, i'll just look forward to coming home and reading all my nice emails.

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fadingintoblue

:: 2003 14 July :: 10.07pm
:: Mood: tired, but fairly happy and hyper
:: Music: Suzanne Buirgy

camp, and random hyperness
last week i had the Group From Hell at the girl scout camp i work at. i was leader, for the second week in a row. i don't know how i survived the week, but i did, and i was hoping that the director (Alicia) would take pity on me and give me a smaller group of older girls. instead, i was put with a group of eighteen seven year olds. granted, i wasn't the leader, and there were two aides with us. but the leader was new, and after two weeks of leading i wasn't happy about letting someone new who had very little clue what they were doing (and who was slightly condensending to me, and clearly didn't appreciate my experience) tell me what to do all week like i was an aide. all my friends happen to have tough groups (though not as tough as mine) last week, and alicia put them all in groups with more staff and older girls. i asked alicia if i could move, and she acted as if she had been half expecting me. she was very nice about letting me switch with angela (who is a very sweet person who has had fairly good groups all summer). i am now with a cadette/senior group called "writing for real." there are FOUR people in this group, and i am the sole staff member. they have an instructor in the morning for two hours. they range in age from 12-16, and one of them is actually a month older than me (and a grade above me, but she needn't know that). the girl that's my age didn't realize she would be the oldest camper, but she's still really cool. we have a ton of free time, but we filled it today with cards. tomorrow we are going to play with duct tape (they seem pretty excited). we are going to make saftey pin bracelts (they liked the one i made for myself), and i think i might have them decorate journals with decopauge too. i love crafts, so this will be a fun week. another thing that's really great about this week is that my group has pool at the end of the day at the same time rita and jenna have pool. rita, jenna (who i haven't seen since school ended), this girl sara that i don't really know (but she seems pretty cool), and i all made duct tape bracelets at pool today (we fastened them with saftey pins), as signs of the cult. they were tickled to hear that i was a member of the fellowship of the duct tape, and asked for the url to the website. i also joined rita's band (i can't remember what's it's called, something about soap), and learned that the title of the first song is going to be something about pee (aren't we mature?). hehehehe. alicia called this my "sanity week," but i'm not sure it will have the desired effect. still, i'm having fun. and i signed up today at the library to meet holly black wednesday, which should be fun.

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fadingintoblue

:: 2003 30 June :: 7.30pm
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: midtown

camp, and wendy
this week i have brownie gymnastics C at camp. 7 girls (one of which was absent today, another of which left early), maria (an aide), and me. which makes me the leader. it's a little weird, but i think i'm doing pretty good. and it helps that i keep on being hailed by my campers from last week in passing. and my kids are really cute, and they have an hour and a half of gymnastics (with an instructor, not with me), in the morning. what's weird, though, is that wendy is in brownie gymnastics B. wendy and i went to prince edward island canada together five years ago with camp. i was a bit of a brat, and not mature enough for a trip like that. wendy was the same (she's my age, but a year older in school, we were two of the youngest on the trip). we hated each other with a firey passion. now, though, we're making friendly conversation. i feel like that trip took place another lifetime ago. we remember how we hated each other, but it has nothing to do with us anymore. she seems like a pretty cool person, and i think we'll probably get along great this week. it's really funny considering our former enmity towards each other. people grow, i guess.

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fadingintoblue

:: 2003 28 June :: 4.36pm
:: Mood: artistic
:: Music: michelle branch

lots of stuff
school is a week past me, and i survived my first week of camp (with a group of cadettes that were under the impression that i was 17 or 18 years old, and were very surprised to learn my real age). i won the leader lanyard contest by tying some lanyard to a metal clip. i called it a weather perdicter and wrote this underneath: "hook outside of window. if waving, it is windy. if wet, it is raining. if white, it is snowing. if melting, it is too hot." they thought it was funny, but i was the only junior counsler who entered so i would have won anyway. still, it was cool. i made myself a really neat saftey pin bracelet too, so i felt better about being so bad at lanyard. camp was so busy though. i didn't get home until 5:00 everyday, and by then i was exhausted. after taking a shower, eating dinner, and doing whatever essential activities i had to do, i barely had anytime to read or do anything else. i'm happy next week is a four day week, so hopefully i'll still have some energy at the end. today i'm going to a pool party (eck, eck, eck), but i can't get out of it. it's from 5:00-10:00, but i live within walking distance and i think i'm going to leave four or so hours early. i hate parties. i managed to avoid three of the four parties i was invited to this month (though one i kinda wanted to go to, but i was too busy to make). but i did promise, so i'll go and pretend to have a good time.

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fadingintoblue

:: 2003 17 June :: 9.37pm
:: Mood: dorky
:: Music: teddy goldstein

hmm
i had my gym final today, and i got a c. the final was divided into five parts, and i got a c on four parts, and an a on one part (sit and reach, of course. i might not be athletic, but i'm still massively flexible). it was over pretty quickly though, so amanda, jenna, and i sat down by the bleachers to talk for the last fourty-five minutes or so. i felt kinda weird. jenna and amanda are both in three of my classes each. i've been friendly with amanda since last year, and friendly with jenna since the first day of english class. but i still don't feel comfortable with them. i still feel like i'm kinda intruding on them, even though i know i'm not. part of it is because they're both from somerville and grew up together. another part of it, i think, is that i can't talk about guys with them (what am i supposed to say "yeah, i had a crush on this guy a few months ago. it lasted about a week before dissapating into dust. but i have this huge crush on cait.."?). also, amanda and i have had a few arguments over the year about me being an atheist and about feminism. and i always feel like such an oaf around them. i have no idea why they keep me around, they're both more intelligent and wittier than i am. but despite all this, amanda asked me if i could come over monday to play daughters of the dutch revolution (also known as ddr or dance dance revolution). i can't make it, but i left her my email so we could stay in touch. i felt too weird to ask jenna if she wanted my email too. why do i always feel so weird around people? sophie (friend of amanda, jenna, and me i guess, in english class with all of us) invited me to her end of school party, but i'm not sure if i'm going to go. i always feel really akward at parties of all types. i know amanda and jenna will be there, along with some people i'm friendly with (though not quite friends), but i'm sure everyone else going knows each other better, and i'm afraid i'll be in the way. i still don't know where sophie lives, but she said she'd give me directions. if she doesn't bring it up on thursday (which is the next time i'll see her), i don't know if i'll mention it. even if she does bring it up, i might claim to be "busy." i don't want to do that (i don't want her to think i don't like her), but i don't know if i can make myself take a chance like this.

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fadingintoblue

:: 2003 31 May :: 7.16pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: tracy chapman

weee!
yesterday was the teens arts festival, and i'm still floating. the only things the two published authors and the other people who read my poems told me to change was stuff i had done already myself. the one published author guy told me that i can end poems really well, and also that i have everything i need writing-wise, and that all i need to do is write more. the other published author, a woman, liked my use of language a lot, and appreciated my weird titles. (and the authors weren't as positive with everyone, so feel cool) there was an open-mike thing, and my poems got good responses there too. the best, though, was last night. my perpetually negative grandma told me one of my poems was beautiful. it might take me a while to stop glowing!
something else cool: i get to work the polls for the election tuesday. i get to skip school, *and* i get paid (rather well paid too).

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fadingintoblue

:: 2003 26 May :: 10.47pm
:: Mood: rejected *and* stressed
:: Music: tori amos

reasons for me to be not-so happy
1) my grandma told my cousin that my silver award project i did a few years ago (which i put a TON of work into), was just "a simple weekend project." it wouldn't be as bad if she had ever given me credit where it had been earned, but no, i'm never worthy of praise from her. the (unfavorable) comparisons to my older sister get old too, and i'm sooooo sick of it!
2) i have a test or a quiz on a play i haven't read in english tomorrow. i can't read it because i left it at school, and i didn't even realize that i didn't have it until this afternoon, when it was too late to go to the library and borrow it from there.
3) i had to sit for approximately 15 minutes in an enclosed vehicle that was full of cleaning fumes AND tobacco smoke from a pipe smoker. then, after i finally got home, my sister started polishing her shoes right next to me, further irritating my sensitive throat. i'm *still* coughing and wheezing, even after eating a million mint candies.
4) i screwed up my sleep schedule on friday because i stayed up watching that stupid movie with my sister's bf. it's a quater to 11, i'm not tired, and i have to get up at 5:45 tomorrow morning! and i already have gotten very little sleep this weekend.
5) i have to stay after school tomorrow to get my stupid working papers signed for camp, but i'm not sure i have everything filled out or filled out properly, and i need the papers to be completed by wednesday. wednesday i have camp training, which was pretty awful last year. i have no expecations of having a good time this year either.
6) i've been acting like an idiot in general.

on a more positive note, the parade was cancelled and i spent the afternoon covering boxes with katie instead of going shopping with my dad.

response?

fadingintoblue

:: 2003 24 May :: 10.05pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: tori amos

too much going on
i don't get a weekend this week. yesterday my parents dragged me to the mall (evil evil place), and i had to go see the matrix with my sister's bf. i had no desire to see it, but, in a moment of weakness, i told my sis i would go with her bf so she wouldn't have to. i didn't get to sleep until after one o'clock. today i went to my grandma's house for a barbque (a very odd bbq, in which we ate london broil off the good china with the good silver in the dining room and talked about religion and politics) because family was is visiting. it was really fun (probably because five people went through three bottles of wine), but i had to get there early to help my grandma set up and i slept late. tomorrow i have another bbq to go to, only it won't be as fun because it's at my other grandmother's house. that side of my family doesn't talk as much about politics and religion is a taboo subject. so i'll have to sit through four or five hours of "isn't the weather nice?" and conversation about my sister. monday i have to march in the memorial parade and suffer through a lot of patriotic bs (some of it is meaningful, but not enough of it). then i have to go out to dinner with more family. i also have to read a play for tuesday and do other various hw. i really need a relaxing weekend, especially after last week, but i'm not going to get it. at least i have the country teen arts festival to look forward to....

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fadingintoblue

:: 2003 21 May :: 9.52pm
:: Music: tori amos

public speaking class
today candice was giving a speech on teen suicide. i thought it was a good speech--until she starting "demonstrating" the ways one could attempt suicide. first, she passed out pictures of guns. then she pretended to overdose on pills (she poured little pieces of white cotton into her mouth from an advil bottle). then she pulled her sleeves up to show us red lines (from a pen) around her wrists. then she took off her jacket to show us "cuts" going up her arms (because if you really want to kill yourself it's easier to split a vein that way). then she took out black ribbon and pantomined strangling and hanging herself. i think i was the only one in class who found this disturbing, but i thought it was really inappropriate. and why, when my teacher stopped someone from going into detail in a speech on teen sexuality because the class wasn't all juniors and seniors (i'm the only sophmore, and we have no freshmen) didn't stop this? this actually bothered me, especially when candice abruptly pushed up her sleeves to show the red lines. it took a second to realize they were fake.

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fadingintoblue

:: 2003 19 May :: 5.17pm
:: Mood: confident, happy, energetic, ect.
:: Music: lincoln park

last weekend was Encounter (coed camping competitions rock, i just wish there were more in this state), so i'm still on a bit of a high. i shouldn't be, i got grades from two tests i should have aced, and they were a D and a C, but i'm not. i'm having a *nice* day. even my writer's block is gone. i filled up an entire page and a half in my big notebook with passable poesy today. i had a cool conversation with dana today (she might come to the gs meeting tomorrow, and maybe even Encounter next year), and even my period isn't as bothersome as normal. and i finally have the notes down for this tricky song we're singing in choir. i should go to Encounter more often, methinks, if this is the mood it puts me in!

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