iM THE GiRL WHOSE SWEEPiNG<br>YOU OFF YOUR FEET<|3

1 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2005 7 June :: 11.24pm

we just watched this interview with brad pitt and the work he's doing in africa... i mean yeah thats great... but you have to BE rich to help like that. yeah he's doing amazing things over there, but that still doesnt change the fact that just ONE of his outfits costs enough to feed an entire village over there.

i dont know...

but one thing i DO know is im getting fat... and i dont mean the PH kind.... i mean the gross disgusting go on a diet fat. i hate watching tv and seeing all the perfect stomachs... screw them and their perfect stomachs.. im a busy teenager who works almost everyday and still has other responsibilities to tend to... to bad if i cant go out and run a mile in this smothering heat... its not like i can come home to a pool or air conditioning.. why would i WANT to excersize!? YEAH... thats what i'll tell myself.... its not MY fault... its the heat. Genious.

GOAL #5,095,999,999: learn to spell damn it!

WHY must bugs crawl all over the computer screen.... little idiots.. im JUST going to kill them...

im tired, and hot..... GAWD is it hot...

ok bugs.. you're goin DOWN.....

2 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2005 7 June :: 7.17pm

well I haven't updated in forever.. so I'm just gonna outline what happened.

I'm talking to my mom again.. long story, no time to tell.

Kelly moved, my aunt clara and uncle gene are moving in.

I'm still living with my aunt loraine and uncle don..

I got the job at Rite Aid. I really like it.

Right now Jim, Kelly and I are going to see Steph at the hospital.. she had her baby!!

call me.. 986 1260 (my cell)

1 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2005 7 June :: 12.23am

hmmm..... meet the rest of the family?

maybe its nerves.. but to me its like i've come so far... why go further eh?

i know they want to meet me and wonder why they havent yet... but to bad, its not MY fault that havent gotten to know me the past 17 years. so im not gonna feel obligated... but then again, thats just me being a teenager, because in all reality i think i want to... alot. not for closure... for a place to start.

LOL at brandi, roni, and ashley...... you girls are to much... te he he... TEN pairs of flip flops! holllllly cow! aww, i love you girls!

hmmm... im bored with this now..

:: 2005 5 June :: 11.28am

yesterday was my birthday... and a good day it was.

my mom got me a car stereo and other stuff...
my dad got me a digital camera..
and keegan got me this picture of Paris that i've been wanting for months... i never expected it.. i was freaking out when i saw it... *loves on it

in the morning keegan took me to build a bear.. and we made a monkey... i named it kitty cuz thats what i call him.. laughs. him being keegan of course...

hmmm.. well that was that... and now im off to maybe go shopping..
have a good summer dolls.

2 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2005 31 May :: 10.36am

once again... another perfect weekend.

OH my gosh, yesterday me and keegan went and saw Madagascar... i dont think i've ever laughed so hard at a cartoon... it was hilarious. te he he....

my room is just full of roses... i hang all my flowers upside down.. and now i have a dozen hanging from my ceiling, 3 random roses in random places, and a vase FULL off rose buds and petals... im such a lucky girl! :)

i even CLEANED my room this weekend... WOW. it looks so good... im willing to bet i have the coolest room EVER.. pshh.. its true.

tomorrow can not come fast enough for me... it doesnt feel like the end of school... but thank god it is. i have never been more ready for the year to end. i hate that... but i cant help it... school can die. next year will be good though..... our senior year is gonna fly by.. im gonna cry when its over even though i hate it so much. when its over, its gone, and its just a memory..... and to lose all the people we've grown up with is gonna be both, a blessing... and extremely hard.

i must say though.... im ready to say goodbye to many of them. *smiles.

my birthdays saturday... it really snuck up on me this year. birthdays are overated.... you turn a year older.. thats it. i like getting new stuff and feeling special because "its your BIRTHDAY" but in all reality... who came up with this idea to celebrate the day we were born? everyone goes through it... its not like its special just for you... everybody has a birthday... mine is just one more. but ehhh... another excuse to eat cake is ok by me.

yadiffy04

:: 2005 31 May :: 8.40pm

1) Aubrey
2) Morgan
3) Jeff
4) Wade
5) Raul
6) Jennifer
7) Mikey
8) Matthew (J)
9) Sarah
10) Katie
11) Sam
12) Jon
13) Jordan
14) Megan
15) Randy
16) Luis
17) Jenelle
18) Ian
19) Brenna
20) Danelle

- Who is #8 going out with? Krista
- Is #9 a boy or a girl? girl
- Would #11 and #2 make a cute couple? They might
- How about #18 and #4? No, their both guys
- What grade is #17 in? 9th
- When was the last time you talked to #12? Today
- What is #6's favorite band? Greenday
- Does #1 have any siblings? yes
- Would you ever date #3? hell no
- Would you ever date #7? ^^^^
- Is #16 single? yes
- What's #15's last name? Swank
- What's #5's middle name? dunno
- What's #10's fantasy? To be dating #12
- Would #14 and #19 make a good couple? no
- What school does #20 go to? Terra Cotta
- Tell me a random fact about #11? We dated
And #1:Is going out with #3
And #3:Is going out with #1
- Have you ever had a crush on #16? ewww no
- Where does #9 live? down the street
- What's #4's favorite color? purple
- Would you makeout with #14? Prob
- Are #5 & #6 best friends? no
- Does #7 like #20? no
- Does #8 like #19? no
- How did you meet #15? baseball
- Does #10 have any pets?yes
- Is #12 older than you? no
- Give #13 a hug.no
- Is #17 the sexiest person alive? pretty close to it.

7 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

3 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2005 27 May :: 10.26am
:: Mood: excited

TODAYS the LAST day OF school!!! YES.

I have a job interview at Rite Aid today at 2:00.. I'm really nervous!

Wish me luck!

You Are A Cypress Tree

You are strong, adaptable, and striving to be content.

You're good at taking what life has to give - even if you don't like it.

A passionate lover who can't be satisfied, you are quick tempered at times.

You hate loneliness, want love and affection, and need to be needed.

A bit of a live wire, you love to gain knowledge any cost... and you can be careless at times.

What is Your Celtic Horoscope?

1 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2005 27 May :: 12.16am

i forgot to tell of tuesday...

so i walk out to my car in the morning.. .and when i get in there's a rose on my seat. because tuesday was 6 months.... i had no idea when he got out there to do it.. but it was so sweet.

i have my senate meeting.. go up to my locker, and suprise.. there's a rose in my locker... im like awwwww.

3rd hour i walked in and there was one on my computer.

keegan picked me up for lunch, and there was a rose in his car... he then brought me to the park (where he asked me to be his girlfriend on the first snowfall of the season.... how perfect is that!..) where we sat and ate our BBQ snackers because we've become obsessed with them.

after 5th hour i found another rose in my locker, and then when he picked me up he had another one in his car. that made six... and it was by far one of the sweetest things i've ever experienced... awww.

we dont really make a big deal out of months and such.. but this was just so sweet, and half a year.... and even though so far it isnt my longest relationship... its my best relationship because i can FEEL the depth to it. all he has to do is squeeze my hand or merely look over at me while he's driving.. and im just overcome with this incredible emotion. but its more than that.... because at times i forget that keegans my boyfriend... he's more of a best friend. he knows my secrets, i can girl talk with him... and he LISTENS, only occasionally making fun of me, i can wear anything or look anyway... and most importantly... he just genuinly cares. thats what friends do... im just lucky to have a boyfriend that fulfills both roles.

today i went into kent city with his mom because he wasnt home yet, and we just gabbed the whole way there.... i had to pick up a skirt from alyssa, it was so cool. im just so comfortable around his family... i FEEL like im part of the family! that means so much to me ,that alot of times im just included no questions asked. just simple things, like they're all going out to dinner and she asks... well isnt erika comming? it just makes me smile is all... and i cana be giddy, im a teenager, thats my job.

UGH.. erika GO to bed.
"fine"

:: 2005 26 May :: 11.59pm

graduation tonight...

its hard to knowingly let people go. to see them for the last time as they go on their way... but i could be happier for them.

my best friend graduated tonight, and i couldn't possibly be sad for me and the reasons that I'LL miss him... but instead proud of the person he's become and IS going to become.

i cant seem to find the energy to get off the computer and go to sleep.. instead i'll sit here mindless for a few more minutes.

shelby graduated from pre-school today.... she thought it was pretty cool that her and keegan graduated on the same day. that little girl idolizes keegan i swear.... all the time its "keegan this" "keegan that" "the worm dance" laughs.... she gets a kick out of all the different dance stuff he does... then again so do i... giggles*

my mom and i got into it again about car insurance tonight... bahhh.. whatever.. i havent paid it for 11 months.. why start now, and why bug me about it?

well... i guess know is the time where i yawn profusely.. misuse a couple of words, and jump in bed.

i went to gorters for a little bit tonight.... *smiles. he's a good guy.

night kids.

35 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

aaron

:: 2005 25 May :: 9.22pm
:: Mood: doubtful
:: Music: Epiphany, Staind

I don't think I can do this...I really don't. I'm too damn weak. Greg's turning into a man though. He stood up to me today. I'm proud of him. But then again, why would he think I'd want someone like Kendra? sure she's nice, but she is a little dull. Though I feel for her. She's been through so much shit It's unbelievable how depressed she is. SHe's totally apathetic...Just like me.

"gray would be the color, if I had a heart..."

"I thought you were the one, I thought you were perfect for me, But you're infected, just like them.

I wanna kill it,
I wanna burn it all,
I wanna skin it,
I wanna watch it all fall

You can stop respecting because I the infection that'll tear down these walls from the inside out.

yadiffy04

:: 2005 23 May :: 2.36pm
:: Mood: Want to jam
:: Music: Roadhouse

Hey all, its been a while, so I thought I would update. Not too much has gone on, Im in the market ( if you know what I mean) and I dont like anyone now. So, Im going to the HS concert tomorrow, I quit my band (Runaway Train) Im in a new band, and yet another band wants me in. So if anyones interested, I play bass and Rythym/Lead Guitar, I play Classic Rock/ Blues, and I just do it for the Old Time Rock and Roll! So.....

Nit much has gone on in life now, but Im thinking about making this friends only, because of some comments, and some people. But hey, its a free world, and Im not in the mood to start something with anyone. So, 4 weeks till HS, cant wait, lots of new oppertunities.

Megan, we need to actually talk for more that 5 min at a time, lol.

Aubrey, I miss you soooo much, its not funny, good thing I get to see you tomorrow! Bee Eff Eff Eel!!!

So, yah, Im gonna go now cause Im bored, and I have nothing to do, hmmmmm........

3 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2005 22 May :: 1.43pm

ok erika.. lets try and not be overdramatic..

gahh i cant help it. i hate living here.

:: 2005 21 May :: 2.31am

yet again.. another long friday.

tonight wasnt bad at all though, metron was.. but metron always is. after that i went to lazerskate for our naplean dynamite late nighter... that was great. keegans dance crew came up and break danced, and vince and bobby came up and they rapped.. it was sooo fun.. had to have been the funnest night of work that i've ever experienced.

i just got home from keegans house, vince and bobby are over there... it makes me so happy that the 4 of us can hang out together, and its totally fine. that i can feel like just one of the friends or one of the guys is awesome... cuz i love those guys. when i see em' i just get all like awwwww then my stomach turns all over because im just so excited to see them..... im a nerd, i know this.

i have a lot to update.. but ehh.. whatcha gonna do right? im tired and we have a red flannel thing at the golf course early in the morning... bring on the.... errmmm... golfers? suuure.. that works. tomorrows gonna be jam packed... but im to tired and lazy to talk about it..

night loves.

3 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2005 19 May :: 8.25pm
:: Mood: depressed

the drops of rain they fall all over
this awkward silence makes me crazy
the glow inside burns light upon her
i'll try to kiss you if you let me
(this can't be the end) tidal waves
they rip right through me, tears from
eyes worn cold and sad. pick me up
now, i need you so bad.

2 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2005 19 May :: 2.03pm

chemistry can burn in hell.

1 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2005 17 May :: 11.05pm

stratford was good.

me and keegan were with scott wilde all day, and he's very fun.. i had never really talked to him before... but yay for me making a new friend.

the bus ride was nice, because we got to sleep and all that jazz, the play was good.. i kept half falling asleep through the first half.. but scott was too, so i didnt feel alone. in intermission i bought a ginormous snickers... that did it... i remember the second half, and it was wonderful.

the seniors...... hmmm, lets not go there. im sad. but very proud. a good combination i presume... i dont know.. today wasnt as bad as i expected.. its not like im not gonna see em again.. they're not dead, and if the only thing keeping us in contect was being in high school, then i guess we know now how shallow our high school friendships are dont we.

me and keegan were at gorters today... im very tired of hearing about the mercury and what a dumb ass he is. i dont care what anybody says... he's one of my best friends and i KNOW he's a good guy. the rumors can stop anytime now... its very annoying for those of us who KNOW what happend. i dont think i need to go on... its nobodys business... im just tired of hearing people talk so bad about him. there's nothing anybody can do about it now, and most of our parents grew up playing with it and they're fine.... we could have gone to school the next day. this whole thing is just a big over-reaction. i love him, and all of his real friends love him. thats all that matters.

im going down to watch keegan and his crew break dance tomorrow.. im excited to meet them all. sounds like a lively bunch... woohu.

bahh.. im tired.. i should try going to all 6 hours tomorrow.

4 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2005 16 May :: 11.31am
:: Mood: melancholy

So.. I think that I'm finially ready to talk about it.. even though it's been almost a week.

Wed. night my mom called me at 11:30 and blamed me for all her problems and told me she was going to kill herself. I heard her taking the pills while she was on the phone with me.. and she kept saying how I have a new mom now and how that I don't need her anymore. Well during all this my Uncle Don and cousin Bridget were standing by me. I just sat there the whole time not saying anything to her. I just sat there and listened. Then she said "Bye Jena, make sure you tell Gabrielle that her Grandma was an asshole." and then she hung up. I called 911 and they sent the police over. The police officer called me and told me that she was fine.. "a little drunk, but there's nothing that we can do about that." I told him that I heard her take the pills, but they still didn't do anything. Yeah, thanks a lot assholes. ya know? So I tried to call George.. no answer. Yeah, WHERE WAS HE WHEN THIS HAPPENED?? So I tried to call Dustin, then I tried to call the house, then Matt.. finially I got ahold of Matt and he didn't help any because he was at the bar working and he didn't know where anyone was. Well then after I tried to call Dustin and George again.. my mom kept calling me. Bridget answered the phone and kept telling her that I didn't want to talk to her. She kept calling and calling. 911 called me back, they said that if there were anymore problems to call them back. It was about 12:45 or so when I called Dustin and he answered- he said that he was home and that mom was okay and I felt like he blamed me for doing this to her.. but he didn't come directly out and say it. He told me that he thinks she's okay and that if anything happens he'd call me. Well he called me. About a half hour later. "the Ambulance is on it's way. But I need you to go to the hospital they need to talk to her since she called you." So Bridget called Leah then her and her friend Mike came to pick us up. He took all of us to the hospital, we waited for about an hour before they called me back for her information. Then the nurse called Bridget, Leah and I into the back "The doctor will be in to talk to you in just a minute." The doctor walks in, I remember this part so clearly.. The doctor walks in, sits down and just says "She took a bottle of Flexeral [muscle relaxers] She's in critical condition and her chances aren't looking good.. she's on a ventalator right now.. if you want to go see her you better go now because she could go at anytime." He asked if we had any questions I shook my head then he left. I told them I didn't want to see her. I remember just sitting there, I don't remember how long we were in that little room but I know that I won't ever forget.. I just sat there and didn't do anything. I didn't cry until later that night on the car ride home. I broke down. My mom tried to kill herself because of me. That kept running through my head that my mom is almost dead because of everything that I did. How could she put that kind of responsibility on her child? I don't know, but she did.

I didn't cry after that the whole night, until the next day in school. I went home and just watched tv. By that time everyone was up trying to talk to me.. but I couldn't talk to anyone. I just sat there. I was kinda stunned. I remember trying to sleep but just laying there, not doing anything. It was 3:30 when the phone rang. It was my Aunt Diana, saying that my mom was going to be okay. I went to sleep at 5:00, got up at 5:45 got ready, and went to school Thursday. It was 2nd period when I went down to see the guidance counsler, and told her everything. She made my Aunt Loraine come pick me up and go see a counsler. I'm going once a week to see her now.. Karen is her name. She's nice.

Life now? I still don't talk to my mom, I don't ever want to talk to her again. I just feel bad for my two little sisters because they have to deal with all the shit that I grew up with all my life. I don't want that but what am I going to do? I have a daughters life to consider now. I just hope they know that I love and miss them.. because I do. A lot.

:: 2005 15 May :: 12.52pm

me and keegan rented series of unfortunate events..... that had to have been the absolute dumbest movie i've ever seen.

i have to work tonight... bahh, but tomorrows stratford, and tonight is desperate housewives.. and tonight keegan comes over, and in the morning we wake up and leave together.... *smiles.

the tulip parade was so much fun yesterday... me and the girls had a blast running around holland. AND we were on some live cable channel, we're not sure where it is.. but regardless.. we were. that was the longest parade... omgosh! we didnt think it was ever gonna end! we thought it was over, then we rounded a corner and all we could see for as FAR as we could see was just people lining the road... PHEW.. did our arms hurt! it was great though... my mom, shelby, keegan and yancy came up together to see us. awww.. family bonding time...!

things are getting better.. its almost summer.. schools almost out, i couldnt be happier for that. this has been the hardest year for me. i cant stay focused... next year will be better though. i know it will. esp cuz its our senior year and so many exciting things happen.. with one year left why would i waste my time messing up? its time to start thinking about college and all the stuff that comes with it. i havent even SIGNED up to take my ACTs yet... i think its just a matter of... life happens to fast. i just need to make sure im ready for it.

im pretty sure after 2 years of CC im gonna transfer out of state. i really dont like michigan.. the only person holding me back is my mom.. well and shelby to i guess.. i'd hope to think that if i was (still) in a serious relationship that we could make that decision together to move... but i dont really like planning the future in that sence.. so i'll stop there.

hmmm.. well i should probably jump in the shower before spending 4 hours in a hot kitchen where by the end of the night i'll be covered from head to toe in nursing home food..... yay, bring on the night.

8 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2005 14 May :: 1.45am

hmm... how frustrating.

please... somebody comment something positive and brighten my day.

4 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2005 12 May :: 10.12am
:: Mood: depressed

It's funny how people can talk about me behind my back, but not say anything to my face.

You don't even know half the story, so you don't have any room to say shit, bitch.

:: 2005 12 May :: 12.30am

i just called my dad at 12:30....

i've called him a total of twice now..
whats wrong with me.

god erika, pull yourself together.

3 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2005 11 May :: 11.41pm

yes.. i am a bitch.

im glad to know that my sorry little journal that nobody reads is able to reach so many people NOT on my friends list and create drama in all of your pathetic lives.

its pretty sad when i have to delete an entry from my journal because you are relentless.. we all have opinions.. do we not?

and what the fuck... im stereotypical? you SERIOUSLY think that it upsets me that we dont have "pirate hookers" on our senate? lyndseys one of my best friends... so first of all lay off the pirate hookers.... and second of all. i am OBVIOUSLY not concerned with that seems how i fit into NO social group. stacy cain is one of my best friends... but WAIT is that allowed? i mean i though that all terrible rotten people like myself only talked to the popular people who wear abercrombie and hollister.. oh YEAH that would be YOU stereotyping meee... thats right. so in all reality we're all just a bunch of fucking hypocrites.

except even though i AM after all a heartless bitch.. i apparantly dont have feelings. so you attack me for expressing a view.. even when my entry was so indirect that nobody knew what each statement was refering to anyways. funny how that works.. how in the long run you just look like an ass.

what i said was i have my doubts, but next year will work out.. because we had our doubts about this years group too.. and THAT worked out. so leave me the hell alone about a group thats "different".. dont TALK to me about not wanting something thats different. im dating keegan... we've got to be one of the most unlikely pairs OUT there.. but we work. so dont TELL me im stereotypical.. you dont know me. none of you do. lay off. seriously. LAY off.

im glad i've fueled a couple of peoples need to bad mouth someone...
thanks for proving my point guys....

i cant help that im defensive... just please leave me alone.

Aaron

:: 2005 9 May :: 10.39pm
:: Music: Terrible lie, NIN

Someone
why are you doing this to me?
am i not living up to what i'm supposed to be?
why am i seething with this animosity?
hey God, i think you owe me a great big apology

terrible lie
terrible lie
terrible lie
terrible lie

i really don't know what you mean
seems like salvation comes only in our dreams
i feel my hatred grow all the more extreme
hey God, can this world really be as sad as it fucking seems

terrible lie
terrible lie
terrible lie
terrible lie

don't tear it away from me
i need you to hold on to
don't tear it away from me
i need someone to hold on to
don't tear it away from me
i need you to hold on to
please don't tear it away from me
i need someone to hold on to
don't tear it away from me
i need you to hold on to
don't tear it away from me
i need someone to hold
on to me
hold on to me
don't tear it
please don't tear it
please don't take it
don't take it
don't

there's nothing left for me to hide
i lost my ignorance, security and pride
i'm all alone in this fucking world you must despise
hey God, i believed your promises, your promises and lies

terrible lie
terrible lie
terrible lie
terrible lie

(terrible lie)
you made me throw it all away
my morals left to decay (terrible lie)
how many you betray
you've taken everything (terrible lie)
my head is filled with disease
my skin is begging you please (terrible lie)
i'm on my hands and knees
i want so much to believe
i want so much to believe
you fucking promised me

you promised
you promised me
yes you did
you promised me
you fucking promised me

1 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2005 9 May :: 10.14am

this weekend was so good.

saturday night... i woke up at 5 and looked over at this perfect person sleeping next to me... never in my life have i felt so content and happy. i'd wake up and find myself away from him and quickly snuggle all back up to him, softly kissing his back.... he's such a beautiful person. and it was such an innocent night, because thats how we are. perfectly content with being together without BEING TOGETHER... and i love that.

3 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2005 8 May :: 11.12am
:: Mood: dorky

Prom was great, we all had a great time. Chuck and I slow danced.. aww. Randi, Amy, Becky, Chuck, Jake and I danced together and had so much fun. Everyone looked really cute and I'll post pictures of it later. I have them on my cousins digital camera. Becky left early for some unknown reason and didn't say bye. I'm still waiting for her reply on that to see what happened.

Kennywood yesterday was fun to, it didn't rain like it was supposed to.

Happy Mothers day! (It's my first!) Very cool.

Right now Amy and I are dying my hair BLONDE underneath.. scary. I gotta go rinse it out. <3

aaron

:: 2005 7 May :: 9.07pm
:: Music: Wish, NIN

Charred epiphany
"Stop whining and feeling sorry for yourself!!!" He smacked me. I began to cry...not because I was scared...not because it hurt...because I had another epiphany...This life...my life...Is no more than a scar on the face of the earth. Why not erase it?

"Then I come to find, everything's OK. I've seen this all before, and that was yesterday..."

4 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

2 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2005 4 May :: 9.11pm
:: Mood: ecstatic

whoaaaa.. best night EVER!!

:: 2005 4 May :: 2.11pm

the symphony today was awesome. there was about 1,800 people that came out and it was just soo cool. it really is rewarding to see how happy just one simple concert makes them. for most of those people thats like the biggest outing of the year.

yeah.... it was great.