iM THE GiRL WHOSE SWEEPiNG<br>YOU OFF YOUR FEET<|3

3 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2004 12 September :: 11.25am
:: Mood: angered

Tori
She never calls me. never. not once. and she complains that I'm not in her life. Hell, she never responds to my journal... I'M SORRY!!! WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO!!!

1 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2004 11 September :: 10.41pm

i hate not having any downtime.. i have homework this weekend.. but tomorrow i wont be home until 9 (ish) because of church, pageant, and metron. i'll do it though.. mark my words.....

what a stupid saying.

4 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2004 10 September :: 9.47pm

work was crazy tonight. insane.

i had to get another TB test, it actually bubbled this time, it startled me, and then it bled, and i was like... oh no.. my arm. its bleeding. and that was about the whole of it.

i have to work everyday this weekend. me. brandi. ryan. we got out late today, we'll get out late tomorrow..... grrr. oh well.. ryans pretty to look at. *licks him.

lots of homework this weekend.. i should be doing that.

*AHEM* i must say that ashley is my favorite sophomore EVER!

well.. ashley and kate.

but still.... lol.

im a moron.
goodnight.

:: 2004 9 September :: 10.31pm

"If i appear to be great in their eyes, the lord is most graciously helping me to see how absolutely nothing i am without him and helping me to keep little in my own eyes. He does use me. But im so concerned that HE uses me and that it is not of me the work is done. The ax cannot boast of the trees it has cut down. It could do nothing but for the woodsman. he made it, he sharpened it, he used it. The moment he throws it aside it becomes only old iron. Oh, that i may never lose sight of this..."

-SL Brengle

make conversation

3 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2004 9 September :: 9.08pm
:: Mood: sore
:: Music: CSI on tv

survey
Read more..

<3

1 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2004 8 September :: 3.52pm
:: Mood: tired

give me lots of hugs!

give me hugs!
(click that!) ^^

1 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2004 7 September :: 9.08pm

i had a semi-ok day.

4 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2004 6 September :: 9.06pm

i should be getting ready for school tomorrow.. instead im sitting here waiting for my leg to stop bleeding. i've never cut a chunk out of it like that before... grrrrrr. it hurts. *cries.

so as i sit here i start to remember the last year, and how stupid i was. how utterly stupid i was.

i never loved you.
i got in a fight with my best friend.
i comprimised my morals.
i neglected my youth group.
i was selfish.
i was arrogant.

and there you are. and here i find myself hating you, except tomorrow i'll realize that i dont hate you.

BECKY WE'RE DONE!

thats ________ (adjective here)!!!!!

i dont know...... i cant even think of what else to write.. except my leg hurts and now im all depressed (ish)

WOOHUU!!!! the JOY high school brings!

i just CANT wait till we get to go back EVERYDAY!! im not even excited like i usually am for the first month. thats sad. and there are some people that i dread seeing.....

1 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2004 5 September :: 10.01pm
:: Mood: loved
:: Music: orgy - stitches

i'm sittin' here over jims house.. the baby is kicking. it's getting closer and closer to the due date- only 24 more days, i'm scared!

i've been over here since friday.. yesterday we went down to the park and the coal miners were having a picnic so we got something to eat and hung out with some people. i saw my sisters [they're at their dads house this weekend] there because their dad is a coal miner. and it was my sister sams birthday yesterday so i got to say happy birthday to her. :)

we didn't really do anything today- we were going to go fishing but then our ride didn't show up. so we just chilled at jims house. we made pork chops, green beans and white potatoes for dinner. it was good.

tomorrow we're going with my brother and his girlfriend to the renassiance festival tomorrow.

we're going to watch some tv..

<3

yadiffy04

:: 2004 5 September :: 7.10pm
:: Mood: indescribable
:: Music: you shook me- AC/DC

Hey all,

Well, I went bowling today with mikey, and Aubrey and Mackey and Josh were there too, that was awesome. Aubrey got yelled at by some old ppls. So then me and her went and pissed them off more. I beat Mikey 3 out of 4 times, and we did DDR and had pizza and soda. On the way home we stopped by starbucks, so today has been awesome, but Tami is mad at me AGAIN so, nothing new, I swear, were mad at each other like 24/7, so idk. Anyways, Mike might be staying the night, and I have to work on my project. When we were at the bowling alley, I asked her if that counted as my call for the day, and she said no, so I have to call her again. lol. I still have to right in the notebook again.

So, things with Tami..... Well, last night she came to the concert in the park with me and Wade, and Krystal Kohlberg. Well, Wade and I were haveing so much fun, then Tami started hitting on him, and he told me that he wouldnt do anything, and he didnt, which is really kool, Its nice that he could do that for me, thats why were so close, if something happens, then we'll either stay out of the way, or stick together. But anyways, so then I left and sat against the wood of the catchers backstop, then wade came over, and we talked about stuff, so that was cool, and then Tami came over and kept asking me what was wrong, and i didnt want to tell her, at least not when she and Wade were having so much fun, and i didnt want to ruin it for her, cause I just want her to be happy, and then we left, and I rode with Wade over to his house, and dropped him off. The only reason I was so upset, was becaus it sux like hell when the person you like is attracked to 2 of your best friends, and your brother, but not you, and your the only one who likes them,.....I hope you get the point.

Here are some pics for your enjoyment, just klik read more. Read more..

Well, Ill ttyl. l8r,

Stevo

Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

P.S. Aubrey, Ill kall you, and Im gonna be on AIM all night with Mikey.

4 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

5 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2004 4 September :: 11.12pm

hmmm... glad to know its so easy to piss some people off. its pathetic really.

i went to the burns last night. we rented Cold Mountain.. it was SUCH a good movie. i wouldnt recomend seeing it with parents though.

becky and i went to the lakes mall today. (burns, not my lover) it was fun. i love becky (burns, AND my lover) i got fairy earings... it was wonderful. we went swimming n such when we got back. then i had to haul ryan to tysons.. honestly ryan..all you ever do is use me.

*gets all dramatic...... stomps away.

im kiiiddddddiiinnggg. besides, you LOVE my driving. mwah ha.

i MUST switch into 3rd hour drama.. otherwise i will be sad. *hugs ashley.

i have a youth group concert thing all day tomorrow. woot hoot. jeffs band is playing.. and theres bouncy boxing and such. SHALL be fun.

i got the ashley simpson cd today because i think i love her. and i was gonna burn it, but then i wanted to buy it because i want her to make it. lol.. im a nerk. YES, i admit it ok.

i got the new taking back sunday cd too... i love them. and there already "making" it.. but i just needed to have that little naked baby... i mean comon... who could resist it?!

kidding.

ok, night loves.

27 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2004 3 September :: 10.23pm
:: Mood: Infuriated
:: Music: The patient, Tool

I know no one is to blame. But how the hell do you explain this? the world is so fucked up. Am I the only one that gets it? How did I jump so far ahead? She's back where i was last january. jesus' shit on a stick, I am about rady to kill something! Stop apologizing to the world!!! your full of this dramatic "Oh I'm horrible because I dumped a couple guys and stepped on a couple friends feet" shit! And then the "your not in my life so you wouldn't know, but just for your information I'm perfectly fine" shit. Shitty shit shit! Your not fine and I know it, I knew then, and I know it know. My intuition has never failed me. Not once. I don't think it'll start to now.

A groan of tedium escapes me,
Startling the fearful.
Is this a test? It has to be,
Otherwise I can't go on.
Draining patience, drain vitality.
This paranoid, paralyzed vampire act's a little old.

But I'm still right here
Giving blood, keeping faith
And I'm still right here.

Wait it out,
Gonna wait it out,
Be patient (wait it out).

If there were no rewards to reap,
No loving embrace to see me through
This tedious path I've chosen here,
I certainly would've walked away by now.
Gonna wait it out.

If there were no desire to heal
The damaged and broken met along
This tedious path I've chosen here
I certainly would've walked away by now.

And I still may ... (sigh) ... I still may.

Be patient.
I must keep reminding myself of this.

And if there were no rewards to reap,
No loving embrace to see me through
This tedious path I've chosen here,
I certainly would've walked away by now.
And I still may.

Gonna wait it out.

2 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2004 3 September :: 12.49pm
:: Mood: stressed

right now i'm in 6th period study hall.. blah, it's been a long day. i didn't go to school yesterday, and i wasn't going to go today- but at the last minute this morning i changed my mind and went.

i'm going over jims house tonight; i can't wait to get out of the hell hole of a house. i hate it there, and i hate watching my little sisters. god i almost had a break down last night and almost killed anna. [jim, you know what i'm talking about.] i can't handle all this anymore, it's to much stress. i've been a wreck the past couple of days.

our periods are shortened today because we have homeroom/activity period.. so that's cool. i can't wait to go home and go to jims house. i miss him.

:(

1 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2004 3 September :: 9.30am

he liked it.

*dances.

i think im all set for school to start... except for the whole wanting to go. i got my rasperry chucks last saturday, my first pair of black ones, and of course i have my pink ones. theres something special about your first pair..... *hugs them.

i have to work at cindys today... but i dont have to work ANYWHERE this weekend. thats crazy... just crazy. i think i have a check at arbys.. but im to afraid to go in for it... i didnt leave on the best of terms with phyllis. ah well.. what can ya do. i wasnt going to stay at arbys and be unhappy with next to nothing pay compared to the job offer metron gave me. i guess if phyllis doesnt understand that then whatever. i should call...... mmmmmmm, no.

yesterday i worked at cindys till 3, then i worked at metron till 8, and after me and brandi got out of work (we both work at metron) we went to the football game. but we didnt get there till like the 3rd quarter, and i guess they dont let people in for free anymore, so we payed 8 dollars to get into a sad excuse of a game. we werent very happy... and because i had been working all day i didnt want many people to see me because my hair was... you cant even imagine, and the smell of a nursing home doesnt just go away right when you walk out the door..... bahhh. but i did see hott man... and becky didnt.. mwah ha ha ha... and i suppose that makes the night worth while.

i guess theres an offer on the house.... hell of a story leading up to it... wont get into that though. i pray to god it sells.... they'll just fight about who gets how much for the NEXT year... but i dont care. he doesnt deserve anything.. not after everything he's put us through.

this means that things are SLOWLY starting to get better.... barely.. but this is one step in the right direction for once. i cant wait till we have our OWN house on our OWN land with our OWN dog running around the back yard. wait... we do have our own dog running around the back yard here..... hahahaha.. we just moved our whole family in... such silly people we are.

maybe i should change my journal around.. its been the same for a long time.... i really like it though. meh... *shrugs. what else would i change it to?

i've developed a new thing for fairys. its kind of a thing between me and tyson... it started in alaska with us talking about peter pan.. "i do believe in fairys! I DO I DO!" then with him wearing my fairy neclace for like 3 days.. then losing it, then finding it again... then he bought me a fairy... then i bought him a fairy necklace that looks just like mine, then he drew me a fairy, then i bought HIM a fairy. haha.. we're such nerds. but its this ongoing thing that we have.. and im running out of ideas...! anyways... im not sure why i decided to share that with you.... but i guess i've got nothing else to talk about.. so im just rambling. i tend to do that.

for my senior pictures next year, if we go back to alaska.. THATS where im getting them done.. carrie, my youth pastors wife, does photography, and she did some of Robbies up there. and if we DONT go to alaska, which we're really hoping to do, i'd seriously drive all the way down to Tennessee to get my pictures done. i love mountains... haha. i was all like dotdotdot but couldnt think of what to say after "i love mountains...." so ok, i love mountains. (PERIOD) i want beach pictures too.

hmm.. when im talking in detail about pictures that wont happen for another year... i know its time to go. i have to get ready for work anyway.

:: 2004 2 September :: 8.59pm
:: Mood: content

Bored?

�	�	�	�	�
Why not pretend that you're going to kill yourself?
Support?

make conversation

3 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2004 1 September :: 9.39pm
:: Mood: bored

haha, the funny things i find.
when i bite into a york peppermint patty, i feel the cool rush of skiing in the alps, skating in alaska, or bobsleeding in lake pacid! but while i'm enjoying my york peppermint patty, the rush makes me oblivious to the chocolate melting in my hands.

the chocolate gets on my keyboard, my mouse, my desk, and every to every other spot to which chocolate can stick.. and when i go to throw away my york peppermint patty, i trip over a shoe because im to bussy looking for a paper towel. i fall over and hit my head on the corner of my desk, cutting it deeply. the sight of my own blood causes me to regurgitate my york peppermint patty. getting up and runing to the phone to call 911, i slip on vmy own vomit, fall down again, and break my neck.

and so my warning to all: dont smoke pot before eating a york peppermint patty.

yadiffy04

:: 2004 1 September :: 2.25pm
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: none

hey all,

Well, Im home sick today, it really sux. Well, um...Im sorry Aub, that I havnt called you, Ill try to today. this is gonna be a pretty short entry, sorry. I dont know what all to say,...Im really like, blah...but anyways, lil Kristen is being stupid, and i cant do anything about that. Tami and I are trying to fix things between us. So anyways, Morgan isnt really changing, so Im sick of that, and the MS sucks. Well, my mom wants me to take a nap, so Ill ttyl. l8r,

Stevo
<333

"life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

1 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

1 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2004 31 August :: 10.25pm

im anti-clingan.

:: 2004 31 August :: 9.36pm
:: Mood: exhausted

right now i'm just sitting here with jim.. he's playing playstation.

i got picked up from school at 11:30 today. i had a doctors apointment.. i gained 4 pounds.. i weigh 164. everything looks okay, babys heart beat is strong. jim & my mom went with me.

i fell asleep in class again today, i need to start going to sleep earlier.. 10:00 is to late i guess. blah- the baby kicks and keeps me up all night. the doctor said if i could make it through the next 2 weeks of school that he could write me an excuse for the rest off til i have the baby.. then i could go back in 6-8 weeks. but i don't think i'm going to do that.

blah, i'm so tired- time for bed.

<3

make conversation

2 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2004 31 August :: 6.06pm

he's insane, completely insane.

5 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2004 30 August :: 4.58pm

1. chemistry/ Vree
2. geometry/ Neier
3. journalism/ Vanderheide
4. AP history/ Norkus
5. american history/ Dolbee
6. yearbook/ Stark

its not that bad this year.... but i think i might switch my 3rd hour to drama, im not sure if i want journalism because its so similar to yearbook. *ponders.

H didnt hate it... thats cool.

im a moron....! *(thanks tom and phil)*

i think im going to the burns tonight.

*licks dustin. grrrrrrrowl.

13 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2004 29 August :: 9.18pm
:: Mood: relieved
:: Music: taking back sunday - a decade under the influence

i woke up at 9:00.. i went up my aunts and helped her get food ready for my baby shower.. by the time we were all done with everything it was almost noon.. and we had to leave by 12:30 to start setting up and everything for the shower.

people started getting there around 1:30. everyone except 2 people from jims family that we invited came.. i was so glad! almost all my family that we invited came to. i was so happy that people actually came. i stressed myself out for nothing.. [you were right kristen! lol]

we got so much stuff! a lot of the big things on my regestry were bought for me like my swing, highchair, palyard, and exersaucer. we got so many outfits and blankets, and everything. when we brought everything home i didn't have enough room in my room so we had to fill my living room up.. ahh. i don't know what i'm going to do with all the things!

jim came to, his mom had to leave early for work so he video taped the whole thing.

i'm still so happy about the turn out. we got so many things that we needed.

anyways, jim came back to my house with me for a couple hours, we went swimming and went through some of the things that we got. he's coming back over tomorrow.

5 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2004 28 August :: 8.40pm
:: Mood: nervous

omgosh, my baby shower is tomorrow at 2:00.. i'm so nervous. today my aunt loraine, aunt di, kelly and i went to set up for it.

what if no one comes?

i keep sitting here and thinking about it, i've been stressing myself out about it for a week or so now.. god i can't believe how scared i am.

1 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2004 27 August :: 11.57pm

i am a pointless person, with pointless things to say.

why do i let people annoy me so easily... really now, cant i have just a little patience.

8 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2004 27 August :: 3.41pm
:: Mood: helpless/weak
:: Music: silence

Patrick
I'm leaving for whidbey...I'll miss him....now he's finally gone. My Angel is gone....

6 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2004 27 August :: 11.44am
:: Mood: infuriated
:: Music: piggy NIN

My battle...
I tried. i really did...look, laura, just don't come near me. my past...don't tangle yourself with it. I really liked you...it just wasn't enough. I wasn't enough. I'm not the man I have to be. I'm sorry...I really am...I know i'm horrible and cold. please...stay away from my past. it's just...too much. I have to handle it alone. It's my battle...and it'll either kill me, or make me stronger.

8 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2004 26 August :: 7.29pm

i went to ryans game tonight.. they did good. YES, and i mean YOU did good. so stop whining nerk.

i love the burns... *hugs them.

so im feeling bloated and huge.... woohoo! darn all that nasty food.

today we had progress.. wonderfull, wonderfull progress.... and im so happy that we could very well almost be done.

my first day at metron is tomorrow... last day at arbys is saturday... thank the good lord.

why are all my entries pointless.

5 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

:: 2004 25 August :: 11.52pm

how can love even be real? how can you love somebody, and then not love them. how can you make a vow to that person and then break every promise you ever said to them. i dont understand how you can change from one person to another, i dont get how people can fool you. i dont GET how anyone can really know if they're in love. i've never been in love, i know that. i know that i've never trusted a guy fully enough to love him.... will i ever? will i ever get that romance that i've always dreamed about. i can picture this beautiful wedding and a fairytale life together, but that doesnt exist.

i think i've found my biggest fear.... falling in love. i dont trust myself enough to make that commitment.

and comon, we're in highschool. you cant love someone, you're 16 years old.. give or take a few years. you dont know what love is.. love isnt that feeling you get when you see them.. its deeper then that. love is a friendship, and its respect. respect that only a man can give his wife, and look at my mom... that did her alot of good. woohu... she fell in love, now we're living in my aunts basement. now he's moved his new girlfriend into our house. OUR house, it doesnt matter that we used to be a family. that was my home, i dont even have THAT anymore. we have some torn up land in cedar springs. that SURE does us alot of good when we cant afford to put a house on it. SURE, what goes around comes around right, my moms the better person, at least she doesnt have to live with the things that he's done. living everyday just knowing what kind of person you really are. sure he's the biggest mistake that could have ever happend to us.... well bravo. what proves that shes the better person? the fact that he ruined her credit? that he tells shelby to lie to her mommy? yeah... sounds like a person in love doesnt it? what a dangerous thing to fall into.

and yet you think you're capable of loving somebody in high school. you're a fool if you think that. saying i love you doesnt make you any more of a person. it doesnt enhance your status as a couple... it makes you liars.

im not trying to attack anyone, and i think its sad that i even have to put this line in my entry.... but this is how I feel.

God, please keep me from being bitter. i hate being like this.