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2004 11 July :: 11.58pm
honestly... what. am. i. doing.
my mom talked to carrie today at church... and it made me feel so good to hear what carrie had to say because now no matter what anyone else thinks or says, i know what my youth pastor and his wife think, and thats all that matters. i love them so much.
i tried calling alyssa.. but i couldnt get through, which really makes me sad because i miss her so much. *cries. i havent talked to her in weeks.
*reminder to self* i am yet to get a swimsuit for alaska... i say swimsuit because it has to be a one piece, and i dont own a one piece and i dont want to own a one piece, darn christians and their *trying to think of word..... modesty.. thats the word.
tomorrow i only have to work a total of 2 hours.... thats almost amazing.. i should right that down in some sort of book. although, if i dont go to sleep soon... i might not make it to work.
becky... just.. is.. the... bestest... person... ever.
*ahem.
your milk shake brings me to the bar as i scream you're bodys like who when you do it right thuur.. because i like it like that, when you workin that back, i owno (ghetto slurr... owno= i dont know) how to act.. slow motion for me, slow motion for me (slowly wiggles booty in front of a 50 g sports car) but sometiiiiiiimes, sometiiiiiiiimes all the guys think that we mighty fiiiiiiiine, but mighty fiiine only gets us nowhere all the time, and the other half... *somethin somethin*.. even thooouuughh.. we dont have a golden calculator and cant diviiiiiide.. the time it takes us to do math we cry inside, that real life only calls for, good looks and, gay sitcom shoooowwwwsss. ohh, oh oh but really you got me lookin so crazy right now ( comon ) got me lookin so crazy right now.. your touch got me lookin so crazy right now... thoia thoia thoia thoia thoing.... REMIX! well you gotta hottie bodie when i saw you at that party i said becky would you call call me you said georgie are you ballin, i said sounds like you like like like like.. paulson (*shrugs.. i dont know) oh so your one of them chicks gets red in the face when he pulls out his... wallet (*laughs) well this way to please ya, gotta eat some cheeza, ... something, something.. i dont knowa.
ok, its late, im a moron.. and i just hit on my best friend with ghetto rap.... *shrugs. lol. we're so fun becky!
loves you* misses you*
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2004 11 July :: 9.20am
people irritate me....
wooo... i get to skip church today... wooo... gretchens gonna kill me.... woo... arbys till 4... wooo cindys at 4:30.
*cries....
5 days until kings island.. i'll just keep telling that to myself..... its almost time for a break.. almost.... almost time to get away for awhile.
so yesterday at work.. hot man came in... i could have died.... he just really is the hottest guy i've ever seen. and get this... he told felicia to tell me he said hi and that i should go out there and TALK to him (*i know right!) but i didnt because i was wearing a hair net... and thats just not attractive. oh oh oh..... i dont know if i've shared my assumptions about my boss.. but i was thinking that she might be a lesbian.. its confirmed.. she is. i saw her girlfriend yesterday! ahhhh... lol. i KNEW IT!
beckys applying to arbys.. because she loves me... and she hates mcdonalds... and im hoping she'll get hired because everyone is quiting. *crosses fingers.
i may be making a huge mistake here.... (irrelevant... forget about it.)
becky spent the night last night, and we watched once upon a time in mexico... i just love that movie. and she STAYED AWAKE! lol.. just kidding jess! i picked becky up after work last night, and then we went back and met jessie at arbys because she got out a little later then me.. and we went and got ice cream and talked, it was so fun.... except for jess neglecting to read the exit sign! lol. so becky and i blaired outkast and milkshake all the way home. it was quite the fun time... except some car flashed its lights at me... i keep forgetting to turn my headlights on.. i hate them not being automatic.
*biggest gasp ever.... GUESS what shan and sara got me for my birthday.. just guess. because it is so wonderfull that i can barely tell you..... they got me a poster of johnny depp in the bathtub!!!!!!!!!! AHHHH...its SOOO hott. i love love love love love love love love it! * I LOVE YOU SARA!* so i must send them a ginormous thank you for that.
man i wish i could go to church today... they're gonna be so mad at me. gahhh. and next week i cant go because of kings island. that makes like over a month that i havent been to church.
oh well i guess.. what can ya do right?
please visit me at cindys. please please please please please. it gets so lonely there!
im gonna be off now.. i need to clean up and eat something.
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2004 11 July :: 1.16am
:: Mood: frustrated
stupid pains
i was almost asleep about 20 minutes ago, and then i kept getting these pains in my lower abdomen. well earlier today when i was down jims house i kept getting really bad cramps. i hope everythings okay; if these pains don't go away by the time i go home, i'm gonna ask my mom and see what she thinks. i hope everythings okay.. :-/
so i went to jims yesterday around 4:00 i got there. we didn't really do anything.. just talked and watched the movie what lies beneath or something and ordered some food from kuzins. i got up amys around 8:45, and we just chilled. i'm goin' back down jims house today because amy is leaving in the morning to go to a family picnic with her gram in ohio. so my mom is gonna come pick him and i up around 7:00 and he's gonna stay over my house til monday when he has to go to work.
amy and her sisters stupid rat keeps scaring me. i'm sitting here all by myself and it keeps running in its wheel making noises. jeeze.. lol
..i really hope everythings okay with the baby and i just have cramps or something dumb like that. i'm not gonna be able to sleep tonight because i'm going to be thinking about it.
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2004 10 July :: 11.30am
pheww... it feels so nice to have taken a shower!
i had the weirdest dream last night... (as if im not going to tell you.. pshh)
all of a sudden out of nowhere i was pregnant.. but i couldnt remember how and then the culprit *wouldnt you like to know* was somebody that i had been so mad at it, and as far as i knew i was still mad.. but that couldnt be if i was pregnant by him... and so then my parents (yeah.. it wasnt my mom, and magically i had a dad too...) told his parents (which werent his real parents either) and they said that they told ______ (name) and he was upset and didnt know how to take it. and then i was talking to jess and im like.. how am i gonna fit into a prom dress next year?! and was just flipping out... and so anyways... this "person" turned into nick fahlen.. who i dont know at all, i think its cuz me and jess were talking earlier about how hot he dressed..... and then i was thinking... mwah ha.. now he's tied to me for life. lol. it was CRAZY! so then i had my babies.. lol.. girl and boy, and later the hospital was critisizing me for being so young and said that i didnt have any.. and im like.. yes i did. and they just wouldnt give my babies.... who then turned into fish... because all babies were fish in the end of my dream.. i just dont get it... lol. that was about all of it... but as far as weird dreams goes.. thats one of the weirdest.
i guess i'll get going... jess should be out of the shower about now. i feel funny upstairs all by my lonesomes...*nervously looks around. lol.
*yesterday was the first time i saw him in a long time... i couldnt help but laugh to myself as i fell apart inside.
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2004 10 July :: 2.51am
its sooo late... or early.... one of two.
im at jess's house, we just watched once upon a time in mexico... well... lol... i did anyways... she fell asleep... so i figured i'd get online for a few minutes before heading off to bed. i almost hit a kitty on the way here.... it was sad.... *cries.
tonight was fun... i didnt get here till about 10:00.. but i've missed jess... and its sooo good to talk to her!! *i love you jess!*
beckys back! my becky.. my hedgehog, bucky the beckaboo of all rouxis is finally back...... *smiles.
and whoooo did she call first? oh thats right... and whooooo did she call every night she was gone..... mmm hmmmmm. *loves her.
today after i got out of work i picked up shelby from her babysitters and brought her to the park where we met lisa and stacy.. that was nice cuz i havent seen them in forever. and then i dont know.. i guess i was just like... woooo go big sisters... because then i took shelbys to maynards for ice cream.. and then to the movie store and bought her brother bear and stuart little... i love that little girl.. even though sometimes i dont act like it. someday she's gonna be older and im gonna be her protector.. its good to know that she looks up to me, now and always. im blessed to be a sister... now, no matter what.. i'll never be alone.
"i here they have a master cooking class"
"we could be master bakers!"
"yeah, we could master bake together!"
- one of the funniest lines from will and grace i ever did see.
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2004 9 July :: 11.01pm
:: Mood: crappy
:: Music: "what not to wear" on tv.
i woke up at 2:00 in the afternoon. tried to call jim. it was 6:30-7:00 by the time i actually got ahold of him. he was on his way over, but i was pissed off because he didn't get here earlier so i just told him not come over and hung up.
i made plans to do things this weekend, because my sisters were supposed to go to there dads, but no; anna didn't want to go, so once again i get stuck watching them. i'm not a mom yet.. i shouldn't have to act like one all the time! but whatever. i'm definitly doing something tomorrow with or without jim. my mom george and anna are going to some picnic, so i'm free to do whatever.
i think i'm gonna get a ride to the mall tomorrow and to see a movie. i don't care if i have to go myself, i'm going to go.
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2004 9 July :: 8.48am
i've been listening to my depressed music again.. but i dont know if its because im sinking lower or if im just missing you. i drive by where you work quite often and it makes me break inside, knowing that you're in there. i hate where i am in my life right now, and i hate that you're not here for me.... but i would also hate it if you were. i used to see you everywhere.. and it was something of annoyance that i could laugh about to my friends, but that hasnt been happening lately... and now everything is just over. and its official.. and its final.. and i dont know if i like that.... but i'll move past this, because this is an uncertainty, and im tired of that crushed feeling i get when i think about you.
i have to work at arbys today. how fun.
next friday we leave for kings island (me and the beckers) i cant wait. i cant wait to just get away..... we hope to finish our smorgasboard, or at least get a good grip on it.... still... i seriously cant wait. im so excited.... me and my best friend.... well, and her dad, and brother, and sister... but lets just neglect that they're all gonna be there... (even though i love them).
we're getting back the 21st, and then the 22nd my mom and shelby and i are goin somewhere, but we dont know where. maybe sea world, maybe mackinaw... we just dont know..... (do any of you know somewheres fun to go within like 8 hours of here? comment if you do..)
then the 31st i leave for alaska.... and that excitement is on a whole new level that i cant even begin to explain. i hope that on this trip i can find myself again.. i was so close last time. i plan to soak up the mountains and spend my time serving god, because i havent been doing that lately.. havent had much time.
i think im fresh out of things to say..... nothing really happens in my life.
that reminds me, yesterday when i was at cindys i was working with these two rather "popular" girls.... (cindy wasnt even there, they're both gonna be seniors) and for like the first 2 hours i was just thinking in my head that i was SOOO gonna update woohu about how i hate popular stupid girls... and then they turned around and were really nice. it just goes to show that maybee first impressions arent always real.. maybee we create what we want them to be in our heads, and wait for them to fit the criteria. anyways... i stand corrected... they were really fun.
and if someone doesnt come visit me there.... im gonna be..... or.. im gonna... blah.. i just dont know. just please come get ice cream from me............... i work sunday at 4:30......
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2004 8 July :: 12.50pm
:: Mood: cranky
stupid pills always make me sick.
i woke up around 12:00.. my mom woke me up to see if i wanted to go to greensburg with her; but instead i talked her into taking me to jims house for the day. i told him the only way i'd come down is if he'd push me on the swings down at the park. lol, he said he would. we'll see what actually happens. i'll update later.
[edit]
time: 6:15 PM
i just got home about 10 minutes ago, i ended up not going to jims, well i did go to his house but he didn't answer his phone so i just went with my mom to greensburg to look at RV's to rent for a week.. we stopped at bob evans to get something to eat, i got pan cakes with homefries, eggs, and sausage. mmm. it was good. jim called me at like 5:30 and was appologizing because he slept the whole day and didn't answer his phone. but whatever, i'm still upset about it. i woulda just walked in his house except i got there around 2:00, and he told me last night that his mom was going to be there until 3:00, so i didn't want to just walk in and her be sitting on the couch or anything; i'd feel so stupid! lol. but anyway, i guess jim is gonna get me a ride to and from his house tomorrow.. but we'll see what actually happens.
i hope he'll be able to go with us when we go on vacation at the end of july [we're renting a 37' RV for a week, and taking a trip up to niagria falls in canada] i doubt he will because of his job; but i'll see if i can't make him take off or something. he has to go, or i won't have any fun.
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2004 7 July :: 6.33pm
i've been into taking these quizes again for some reason.. i don't know why though.
What's Your Problem? Find out @ She's Crafty
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2004 7 July :: 4.11pm
how sad is this... im at the cedar library checking my email... but thats not the saddest part.... he never emailed me back.
i guess i was crazy to think that this HUGE fight could be resolved.. yeah, i caught you in a lie, and that turns around to be my fault... be stubborn, lose yet ANOTHER friend... you'll never change.
off to cindys..... god i hate my life.
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2004 7 July :: 9.23am
noooo.. dont make me go. if i have to drop one more bun down the slicer i'm gonna scream, and no more wraps and sandwhiches, and for goodnesssakes people STOP ordering subs.. because i hate making them... BLEH.
*prays* please dont let cindy kill me tonight...
BLEH.. thats all i can say... sums up my life right about now... i work, i sleep, i get online, i visit brandi at camp.... thats it.
oh oh oh though... i got a volunteer packet from there... i cant wait to start... so at least when im not working and "skipping" church i can be "serving the lord". lol. i really shouldnt have said it that way.. i actually am really excited about it.
i need to blow dry my hair... but i dont want to.. because im lazy... HOLY HELL.. i need to put my uniform in the dryer!!! *runs away...
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2004 6 July :: 5.08pm
i just got off the phone with becky....
i miss her!!!! *cries.
today i guess they went to times square and the mtv store, and they went and toured the SNL studio and they went to the virgin record store.... grrr.. i just want her here.. but im so happy because she's finally in "her place".... because we all know about the whole "becky-new york" thing!
(example.... go to her journal)
in other news.... WHY must he bother me so much. GAHHHH. stupid stupid stupid guys and their stupidness.
why do you suddenly party all the time when you always told me that you had all these morals. were they all lies? was i holding you back from your "true self"? because honestly.. i dont understand how morals can just "change". i guess its a good thing we broke up... if i was just keeping you from drinking and partying... thats what you really want isnt it... well now you've got it. im not gonna lie and say im not concerned... but fine, have fun screwing your life up. turn out like your sister... remember how much you "admired" her lifestyle? you didnt.. but HEY.. its just highschool right? HEY... church can wait... besides last night there was this kick ass party.. and im just to tired.. HEY my grades dont have to be good, just half ass so that i can pass.... HEY i'll just go on being a loser the rest of my life because thats all thats expected of me.
sorry.. i had to vent.... it just makes me sick. while im working my ass off, there are people out there who dont have to work for money, party all the time, completely waste their lives, and dont even appreciate what they do have.
anyways.....
i have a meeting tonight at work... something about "recent conflicts" that everyone has to know about or something.. i dont know. and then tomorrow is gonna be another work all day type of day. 11-4 at arbys, 4:30-10 at cindys. woooo.... my life is so fun. but wait... tonight i might make bannana bread... i mean comon... now THATS fun. ooooh yeah.. and i MIGHT even take a bath... i dont know.. relax? im not sure if i have time for that.. i mean comon... i could be scrubbing floors or something.
BLEH.. its so hot out.... and i havent gotten out of uniform yet because im to lazy. lazy or tired.. one of the 2.
im gonna go miss becky some more.. and to top that off im gonna think about how angry it makes me that i even think about him still.. and after that i'm gonna fume and wonder why he doesnt care enough to call and figure out what we're even fighting about, because i dont even remember.... then maybee i'll think about all my church friends who dont care anymore, and wonder what they have thats so important that they cant even be civil to me... then maybe i'll do some laundry... wait.. no.... meeting at work..... ok scratch all that... i'll just be generally depressed.......
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2004 6 July :: 10.08am
i couldnt sleep last night... i hate having no control over that.
i have to work from 11-4. *woooooo
yesterday i came up with this sad realization that a part of me misses him... and im thinking.. what the fuck is wrong with you.. why would you think that? but maybee its just because im lonely... and he never let me feel that way. but im crazy.. and thats a crazy thought.. and im just praying that i forget all about it....... not to mention.. the person he's become.. isnt the person that i knew him as.... you cant miss a person you never knew right?
damn me having to work..... gahhhh.
well off i go i guess.....
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2004 5 July :: 11.53pm
 I am an Asteroid.
I am a drifter. I go where life leads, which makes me usually a very calm and content sort of person. That or thoroughly apathetic. Usually I keep on doing whatever I'm doing, and it takes something special to make me change my mind.
What Video Game Character Are You?
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2004 5 July :: 11.07pm
:: Mood: content
i give in to easily.
jim came over after work.. we stayed up and talked for about an hour or so, then he fell back asleep until 2:30, then around 4 kelly jim and i went swimming. it was so cold! jim was bein a butthead and wouldn't go in for the longest time because it was so cold, but he eventually went in with us. after that sam and i made dinner for us. jim and i went out and layed a blanket in my yard and talked about baby names, and stupid stuff. he got me laughing so hard, i almost peed my pants. haha.
a picture of us in the yard.
i didn't feel good all day, and i still don't now. blah.
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2004 5 July :: 6.20pm
i was supposed to work today.. but am i working. noooooo... im a moron and thought that i had bootcamp.. so i told cindy that i couldnt work, because im sick to death of pissing all these random people at church off because i dont go to anything anymore... well it turns out i didnt have boot camp, i didnt work, it got all messed up.. this girl at work was an ass on the phone, and now im sitting here bored as hell with nothing to do.
i wanna spend the night somewhere.. but i dont know where, anywhere..... *SCREAMS... get me out of here!
i have so much that i wanna update about... but i just dont have the energy.............
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2004 5 July :: 2.42pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: story of my old man- Good Charloet
Hey ppls,
Well yesterday was the fourth of July, and Kristas and my 2 month anniversery. So n/m has gone on, I sent her a letter up in Washington today, and Ive talked to Aubrey for a little(because my mom kicked me off the phone.) I went to a party last night and played HALO for about four hours, so that was fun. And we also went swimming at the Jansens. morg and I are gonna go to a DCI when I stay at his house for five days, and we get to see the Cavies and the Blue Devils. I cant wait untill then, because I get no family for five days, and I get to hang with my best friend and the coolest parents. Well I dont know what else to say, except party on, and be exelent to each other.
l8r
Stevo
I <3 Krista
P.S. Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. Always remember that.
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2004 5 July :: 1.40pm
last night after i got out of work.. which wasnt bad at all... i voluntarily stayed till nine, it was nice talking to justin, and before jess left we were all having so much fun... i EVEN learned the fry station.. and shake machine... oooh yeah.............. but anyways.. on with my night...
when i got home brandi was already ready to go.. so i figure.. ok i guess we're gonna go.. lol. and i got all dressed and stuff... cuz ya know.. nakedness just doesnt suit me.. and so i take my hair out of my pony tail.. and i was running my fingers through it. and there was some sticky in it.. and im like what the heck is that.... so i pulled my hair around and smelled it and it was jamocia shake! im like.. what the heck! how it got there.. i have no idea..... but we just thought it was funny.. and i didnt have time to take a shower, so i just ran that part of my hair under the sink.. yanked a brush thorugh the mess on my head, straightend it (thank the good lord who ever invented the straightner... fuck whoever came up with spelling....) and i think i camoflauged my self pretty darn good considering i had only a half an hour...... giggles*
so then we get there around 10:30 and the first people we see are collin and logan, and there just fun, then we find jenna and jessie, and hung out with them all night, and that was fun, because they're so much fun! and yeah... i think "someone" just hates me, didnt even look at me... but seriously..... i didnt mean to walk right past you and ignore you... brandi said "theres ______ (your name here)" but i thought she said "theres dawn" and i cant stand dawn so i was like, "well lets just pretend we dont see" but i guess.. from what she said, i said that right when i walked by you, which i didnt know.. because when i finally found out it was you, it was 15 minutes later, and its only because brandi brought it up again.. which made me feel awfull, really it did. i wouldnt have purposly ignored you.. esp when im not even that mad anymore....... just dissapointed, so when we went over to jenna and jessie you didnt even acknoledge me.. and i wasnt about to be like.. HEYYYYY.
anyways.. enough with that... the fireworks were ok, not the greatest.. the four of us rode the spinny bears for free... and played a "fun" guessing game of how old the carnie was..... lol.
i got hit on by a couple of old men.. and then these scary druggy teenagers asked brandi and i as we walked past if we wanted to _____ (alien noise here.. seriously, i dont know what he was doing.. lol) and i was like, not really!
that was our night.. OH.. ALMOST our night.
we get back to the car.. and we made jenna and jessie walk with us because it was dark and scary.. and so we get there and this guy was like, theres something on your windshield.. IT WAS A PARKING VIOLATION! is it illegal to park on a curb..!!! lol.. cuz if it is.. we werent clued in on this.. and were werent even fully on the curb.. plus... how stupid.. theres no parking anywheres.. and the stupid sandlake police have nothing better to do then put violations during the FOURTH of july.. it just made me outraged! ask jenna, jessie, or brandi.. i was about to do something... something... *thinks... i dont know.. but something! lol.
so ok, THAT was our night.....
i have boot camp tnight, if id ont have to end up working at cindys.. which i might cuz its really nice out... and then church people will be all evil to me, because they tend to think they're better then everyone else... seriously.. some church goers just sicken me... they think they own the church... i GO dont i? when i can.. i have to work, ihave no control over my schedual... thats not anyones problem other then my own.. gahh.. sometimes i just want to scream at them.........!!
ok.. brandis getting on.. im taking a shower, and then i dont know.. but it'll be boring.. because theres nothing to do.. and this entry sucked.
alsdfkjasdl;kfjlasdk;vjiodfj;dklcvjasdlkfj
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2004 4 July :: 10.08am
im so sad for you.. you dont realize how much you're screwing up your entire life do you?
i never knew you were like that...
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2004 4 July :: 12.59am
mreh.....
i worked at cindys tonight... CURSE all you people who go to ice cream shops, order, wait in long lines, and then get angry with the girls inside.
ITS HARD WORK! tonight we had like a zillion orders and there was only 3 of us, and this crazy man ordered a hot fudge sunday... but he wanted it made with strawberry flaverburst ice cream, and he wanted not just hot fudge, but strawberrys on it too, and whip cream and cherry, but no nuts.... that is JUST the sunday from hell... ORDER NORMAL! gahhhhh... so our flavorburst is all soft and when i put more in the cup for the top it got all tipsy and leaned all over onto the side of the sunday dish... which made it impossible to not make a mess putting more hot fudge and strawberrys on.... so after all this rotten stupid work i brought it to the guy who had been watching me by sticking his fat ugly head through the window and telling me "his ice cream was gonna melt" he looked at it as i told him our flavorburst is soft and im sorry that it was tipsy... and then he has the nerve to say "well i would have thought you would have done it differently, but sure ok"..... SCREW you ugly ice cream man! *growls obscenities.......
and this girl that i work with is all like... ooohh, im pretty, look at me swish my blonde pony tail and whispy bangs...... and then she makes me feel like a moron constantly.. because i dont know.. she just does... and *cries...* tonight sucked. i made a sandwhich there and i DIDNT even get to finish it. we were to busy doing our *jobs*. it was just sad.. and i just thought that i would vent.
and at arbys yesterday while this old impatient woman with a crazy hand was watching me make a marketfresh, i cut it in half, pulled the knife out of the sandwhich, and in turn.. pulled the sandwhich with it.. right onto the floor..... STUPID people and their going to arbys.. we were all busy there yesterday too. there ARE other places to get greasy food in cedar you know... ok so its not greasy... but gahhhh...
and gahhhh.. i forgot to wash my arbys uniform which i need for tomorrow, which i dont have time to wash tomorrow because im gonna be working at cindys, which means i must go downstairs, retrieve it, walk ALL the way back upstairs, and remember to dry it tomorrow. *whines...... I DONT WANT TO WORK EVER........
and my hotmail wont work, because this computer sucks....
and you irritate me with your antics that i dont understand and your grey, black and whitish that i dont understand... and your "I HATE YOU" attitude that you give me spiratically... but you dont, but WHY must you do that thing that you do that i dont even know what you're doing how you do it when you're doing it..... GAHHHHH.
tomorrows the 4th.. everyone seems excited, i dont really care. fireworks, YAY. how fun and exciting... last year becky and i watched them in disney world, now this year i am at a lack of beckyness.. and a lack of "the happiest place on earth" and a lack of all other random words that i could place in this sentence, and all i see tomorrow as is another day of work, another day of stress, another day of lackage of sleepage, and still im stuck on the whole... WHAT THE FUCK... why are you smoking pot you fucking moron... you make me so ANGRY, you and your smoking of the pot.......
what am i talking about.. i just dont know. i need sleep....
AND I CANT WATCH ANY SOAPS.. and this greatly affects me.. because i work during the day, and we DONT get soapnet.. what crazy tv is this.. that doesnt get soap net.... i need my GH to live.. i mean.. i am just ALL lost on the whole sam thing.. and sonny and carly.. whats going on.. i just dont know....
oooohhh friends is on.. thats fun.
poor phoebe.. she just lost her "sexy flem" and most likely none of you know what im talking about.. only loyal friends fans will reckognize that episode... or maybe not.. i dooonnnnt knoooowww.
i cant go to church tomorrow because... i get tired of talking about it, so im just not.. and assume you know what dreadfull place im going to.......... and my missions trip is in like... soon. and random church goers make me angry because they get angry with me missing it, and im just DOING the best i can with this awful schedual that i have........ *prays....
see.. i can still do it.
amen.. see there... i remember.
im not all awful yet.... i ________ (place rest of sentence there.. im just to tired to think up something witty)
and why havent you called me... i guess theres my answer......... i guess i was right.
and WHO called me twice today on my cell phone.. because it didnt ring up a number.. and im pretty sure you hung up on me, and that irritates me. blehhh.
i dont wanna wash my face.. that involves effort. eeewwww im lazy...
LSKDJL:kfjaldksfjasldfjk uniform.. damn it. i dont want to.. come over here and do my laundry.
STACY AND LISA... you need to materialate yourselves (i dont know what that means either) because i miss you... and i miss us being stupid like i so plainly am still capable of doing... i love you guys..... *tears up.
why do i use these stupid stars (*) so stupid much. *laughs *cries *tears up *hugs......... MREH... look at me, im a loser who expresses actions online.... i dont care.. its fun.... errmm yes.
try saying mreh.. it sounds funny.. comon say it.. MR-EH..... *says it.
beckys sleeping, and then shes going.. and that makes me sad. I LURVE you becky lee.
ok, enough of that.
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2004 3 July :: 12.14am
tonight was a good night. after i got out of work i came home and quickly got "freshend" up.. which.. how are you supposed to clean up quickly after working 8 hours in a fast food resturant.. THANK YOU. anyways.. so then we got there around 9, and we're walking around.. knowing NOBODY.... and then we come around the corner and see like, cedar alley... lol. ok that was gay.. but really.. it was just everyone form cedar. we saw jenna, and jess, and dan, and courtney, and other people.. but i think those are the only ones who matter... lol.
I LOVE YOU JESS
I LOVE YOU JENNA
i dont know you courtney... but what the heck.. I LOVE YOU TOO!
I LOVE YOU BRANDI!
and dan... SURE, I LOVE YOU TOO!
i just love... mmm hmmm. man im tired.. and stupid... and ya know.. i never have to get drunk... i can just wait until 2 in the morning.. or in this case 12:10 (wow, im such and old woman. its like... is it 9 ALREADY! *giggles)
so tonight was so much fun.. i got asked for my number... and that was kind of neat... its like... oh yeah, i've still got it. well ok, maybee it doesnt quite count since this person always asks me for my number and i've dated him 3 times.. BUT STILL!
i have to work at cindys tomorrow.. im gonna be so worn out... now i have my schedual up till July 11th.. and i work so far.. every day up until then.. and thats only cuz thats the farthest i have my scheduals till. its to much! lots of days i work double shifts.. one at cindys, one at arbys.. and today i just had a LONG shift at arbys....
not to mention noone visits me at either place... come to cindys and buy ice cream! i can see you.. and be like.. awww.. you love me... and why deny me of such a special moment?
i think im gonna go... mac n cheese... *rubs belly.
lol.. belly.... ahhhh, too fun.
beckys leaving me... what am i gonna do....
im already suffering from withdrawl.... *naws off hand.
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2004 2 July :: 3.50pm
:: Mood: amused
so i was just online, browsing on some new sites that i had discovered.. and i come along to my journal entry that i made yesterday and saw that i had a comment left by someone. so i clicked on and; and it read:
"um why r u so proud that ur pregnant."
so knowing me.. that note would not go unanswered. i replied:
"well i'm sure as hell not going to be ashamed of it.
..why wouldn't i be proud? just because of my age? get over it, a lot more girls a lot more younger than me are having kids. at least i'm taking responsibility for my actions."
but no, i think the people that read my journal don't look at my notes; and i wanted to make this more aware to everyone:
i am not ashamed of being pregnant. if you're one of my friends and are ashamed of me; then why are you still talking to me? i don't want to have anything to do with you if you aren't going to help and support my decisions.
like i said, there are a lot more girls out there, much younger than me that are pregnant, doing drugs, drinking; and just not caring what happens. you don't see me going off and drinking or doing drugs do you? no, because i take responsibility for my actions. which is a lot more than i can say for most of the people that i know, or even don't know for that matter.
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2004 1 July :: 8.24pm
i just got home, and my mom isnt here.. and that really irritates me for some reason.. yet im not sure why......
today at work i got the whole "great job erika, you're doing great" thing about a thousand times, and i wont lie... it felt gooooooooood.
tomorrow i work at arbys for 7 and 1/2 hours... thats a long day. and saturday i work at cindys 11-4:30 and at arbys 5-8:30....... im so exhausted all the time.... but hopefully i'll get payed, and then i'll get a car.. well. i WILL get payed.. *laughs. awwwwhmmm i amuse myself when im tired.
i spent the night at beckabooboppers last night, and we stayed up late watching will and grace.. until my twitchings overcame me, and then there was that whole.... "im gonna go to sleep" and my bodys all like... "im gonna violently shake you awake" and then there was the whole... whoooaaaa did you feel that? so that was fun...
and then today, OH today... what a today it was too.... we just got so much accomplished.. im proud. really i am. *tears up.
our schmorgesboard is gonna be SO groovular.. yes, i said groovular.... yeaaah, yeeaaaaah... what, what.
*becky... come save me from my own moronicness.......
is that a word? *ponders.
no, i dont think it is.
EALKdjf;alsdkjfl;asdkjf... i need to shower.
and eat bannanas with johnny depps penis... hmmmmm.
*giggles.
*becky* "hello mr. weckerly........ "
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2004 1 July :: 7.33pm
:: Mood: irritated
..i'm to forgiving, huh jim? lol
i had my doctors apointment today. i was so tired. i didn't go to bed until 4:30, and then jim called at 5:30 and we talked til 8:00 then i fell back asleep until 9:30, i got up and got dressed really fast because my apointment was at 10. we were only 15 minutes late! lol, we made it. i only gained 1 pound since a month ago; the doctor doesn't think i'm eating.. but i am. the babys heart beat is so strong. it's good to hear it.
after the doctors, we stopped at subway, then at the bar. then to the supermarket. while we were getting things, i almost blacked out. i guess it's because i didn't sleep or whatever; but it's one of the worst feelings in the world. you get lightheaded and really weak, then everything just goes black. my mom made me go sit in the car while she finished checking out.
mmmm.. we bought spaghitti-o's!!
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2004 29 June :: 10.11am
CORRECTION TO MY LAST UPDATE
ok, in my last update, i said the only good part about that day was watching GH.. BUT.. i stand sadly mistaken.....
the BEST part of my day was seeing my dear dear best friend Rouxi after a week went by.. WITHOUT US SEEING EACHOTHER!
*gasp.. is that even possible?
i think it is.. because it happend.... but damn it.... why.. whyyyyy must we do this to our selves..... *bangs head against wall.
so in regards to my last entry... Becky dear.. you were right, and you WERE the best part of my day.
*cries
*hugs you
*FYI- my hotmail and msn dont work on this computer for some odd reason.. so i cant get on anything except AOL... if you have AOL and care to chat with me, my screen name is soul confinement. (im not just avoiding you all... although, not a bad idea.... te he he.. JK.)
CORRECTION TO BECKABOOS LAST UPDATE: IN HER LAST UPDATE SHE STATED THAT I LOVE JOHNNY ALMOST AS MUCH AS SHE DOES. NOW DEAR, YOU ARE MISTAKEN.... sadly MISTAKEN. WE LOVE HIM EQUAL, AND SOME DAY, WE WILL HAVE HIS BABYS (at the same time.... *giggles)
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2004 29 June :: 12.45am
i was walking through my kitchen, and i stepped on a piece of an orange.. WHO LEAVES PIECES OF ORANGES ON THE FLOOR?!
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2004 28 June :: 7.10pm
:: Mood: awake
what a yucky day today turned out to be. i was supposed to go to the bar to taste food; but i didn't feel like going- so i stayed home.
i went up my grams for about 2 hours because my uncle had to go somewhere with mary; and someone has to stay with my gram. so i left when donnie came home around 2. i came home and fell asleep until around 5 i think then i called jim. we were gonna go to the drive in tonight with chelsea and the girls, but it ended up pouring down rain! so that messed everything up.
i can't wait til wednesday! jim's coming over after work in the morning, then he gets to stay til thursday when he has to go back to work that night. then on friday we're going to go to the mall and movies.
i think i have a cavity. i'm sitting here eating sour patch kids; and one of my bottom left teeth is hurting bad.
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