aerii
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::
2007 24 October :: 5.58am
I am waiting for something to wrong
I am waiting for familiar resolve
I am waiting for another repeat
Another diet fed by crippling defeat
And i am waiting for that sense of relief
I am waiting for you to flee the scene
As if you held in your hand the smoking gun
And on the floor lay the one you said you loved.
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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::
2007 22 October :: 5.11pm
talking seems to make things a lot better...
it's just getting the nerve to talk that's hard...
and knowing what to say.
and how to say it.
i'm glad i did though...
because i feel so much better now that i did.
now if only i could just...
get some friends here. so i could hang out with them.
hehe and my cat does not like water.
and i love the movies donnie darko and the thing.
especially the thing. it's amazing for 1982.
ah the best movie i've seen in a while...
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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::
2007 19 October :: 10.24pm
is it wrong that i feel so alone?
yea.. i have friends...
but where are they?
where are they right now?
where are the ones who understand me?
who know how i feel?
who don't tell me things i don't need to hear?
where are my friends...
my friends who listen...
and care..
and sit with me when it's cold outside...
friends who like adventures...
where are all the people?
am i doomed to only have typed words for the rest of my life?
i'm in a very dark place right now.
and no one really cares...
"cheer up"
"smile"
...
i can't fucking cheer up.
i can't fucking smile...
what can i smile about?
i have a tedious job... and everyone makes fun of me or ignores me.
when i'm not at work i'm home alone.
i call people...
but i don't feel like i'm really someone they want to talk to...
maybe i am just a big cry baby.
but who cares?
i'm alone most of the time anyway.
i can't really talk to anyone...
i feel so fucking alone.
and i feel like there's nothing i can do about it.
what's the point?
1 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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aerii
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::
2007 18 October :: 7.51pm
i wish running away from your problems really worked.
why does this have to be so difficult?
1 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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aerii
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::
2007 17 October :: 6.54pm
i feel sick
anxious sick
sldkfjldkj
i hate people
a lot.
2 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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::
2007 4 October :: 11.01am
my kitten loves me <3
my fiancee loves me <3
i'm happy.
even though work is exhausting me.
my future is questionable.
i should work on that scholarship.
but...
i wish i had someone to talk to.
i want someone who understands where i'm coming from.
i want someone who will give me some advice that i can really use.
from someone who's done this before.
next year i will be completely independent.
i will pay all my own bills
i will pay my own car insurance.
i will work for myself.
i will own all of my own stuff.
how many people i know can say the same thing?
"at 19 i was completely independent without even planning it."
i just feel like i'm 19 going on 30.
and i want some help, but i don't know who to turn to.
the biggest thing i want to talk about is college.
and how real the option of college is to me..
but i can't talk to anyone.
because the way i look at it and the way everyone else does are very different.
i feel lost.
but at least i am loved.
2 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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aerii
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::
2007 3 October :: 6.34pm
(And I know...)
State is not an ocean, not an island, not a road
If I don't know where I come from
How do I know where to go?
It's not where you're from, not where you're at
It's where your going... and I am going home...
To the land of the lost souls
Feeling a loneliness that really only exists in abandoned foster homes
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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::
2007 18 September :: 11.56pm
this is a situation that you can either let it destroy you to fix you
this last year there have been a lot of situations like this in my life.
and i never took advantage of them.
i never tried to make myself better because of them.
well, this time i'm not going to let my nature fuck over this chance.
i'm going to take what i've got and i'm going to make this shit into gold.
one way or another i'm going to get to where i want to be.
and when i get there, it's going to be so much better than if someone gave it to me.
i make my own destiny.
and my destiny is to be great.
just you wait.
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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::
2007 16 September :: 2.12pm
so...
i had to leave the one place that i really loved
and that i really felt a part of.
now i'll probably be gone forever from there.
all because people lied to me.
and then freaked out on me.
i think it's because the world has conspired against me.
everyone wants to see me dead.
so they are working their asses off just to get me to fail...
so miserably...
that i can never, ever get back up.
well i got news for you.
all you fuckers that want to see me fail...
and tell me you want to see me "succeed"...
FUCK YOU.
i hate you all.
when i get married...
you are so invited to the wedding.
so i can make a speech.
and tell you all how horrible you are.
and that you'll never meet my grandchildren.
because i don't want you to have the chance to fuck them up
like you have everyone else in your life.
thanks for making me fail.
thanks for being "there" for me.
thanks for letting me know that you all think i'm worthless.
thanks for destroying all my hard work in convincing myself that i'm not.
i'm still not.
but now it's more clear than ever that everyone else thinks i am.
c'est la vie or whatever.
fuckers.
2 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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aerii
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::
2007 13 September :: 8.34pm
blahhhhhh..
tomorrow
will be epic
hopefully :)
eastman
and
no fi soul rebellion
:D:D:D
woo
i loves me some no fi
maybe i'll even see jake there,
who knowwwss
but i'll have fun with katie and raelynn
and then ambure and stina
:D
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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::
2007 11 September :: 10.43pm
we have forgotten that which makes us human....
1 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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aerii
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::
2007 6 September :: 7.42pm
:: Mood: lost
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over him
3 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
|
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godessalthena
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::
2007 29 August :: 8.54am
Today is orientation.
and i remember i hate these things.
because me + forced interaction = bad usually.
i just get into a super akward mode.
and it sucks.
everything is stupid here though.
sometimes... i hate my parents.
also, i sometimes really don't want to go back for christmas because i don't want to go around them and have the jeporady of them bringing up something i don't want to talk about.. or them controlling me.
i really, really am sick of them running every aspect of my life that they can get their hands on.
and i'm seriously thinking that i'll get a new cellphone and new cellphone service so they lose all control in my life.
though, that will take away from my kitten fund...
i don't know.
i'm just so pissed at him right now.
and i'm sure he's pissed at me.
but whatev. his bad.
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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aerii
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::
2007 28 August :: 5.22pm
:: Mood: curious
one time my friend matt showed me how to call yourself on your landline phone
by dialing some special number
but i forgot it
and now i'm sad
because it was funny everytime morgan would pick up
and no one would talk back to her
:]
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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aerii
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::
2007 27 August :: 10.46pm
:: Mood: nostalgic
i've got my train tickets
two more days
today was an odd day
a lot of thinking about how things used to be
it was nice
but kind of sad
i miss him
and i hope one day he can be who i remember him as
and we can hang out and have fun
with our bear trap proof pants
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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::
2007 26 August :: 2.02am
i think i might be broken.
but it's fine. it's probably better that way.
it's so early.
i miss him so much.
it's using only one leg for five days.
it's so frustrating, and you miss your leg so much.
i really, really don't ever want to do this again.
my tummy hurts...
:(
4 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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::
2007 23 August :: 10.13am
i am something special...
it's just that only two three people can see it.
one day, though, the whole world will see how special i am.
and the whole world will love me.
and then i won't feel alone....
one day isn't soon enough though...
but i can't help that.
i've been watching sailor moon a lot lately... i've realized that this show has pretty much molded every aspect of my world view. whenever i watch it i wish and wish that i could be like sailor moon. i really really wish that i could be as strong and amazing as she is...
but i'm fine the way i am. and the things that aren't fine will be fixed eventually. it's just a matter of time.
because i really am something special. i'm different. i'm good. i deserve the love i have. i deserve more love than i have. but the love i have is more than i could have ever dreamed of.
i'm the luckiest girl in the world!
for serious.
member that.
dawg.
2 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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::
2007 21 August :: 11.04am
why is there always a problem in my life?
why can't i just be "healthy"?
why isnt being beautiful good enough?
and why do i have to feel like all my close friends have betrayed me?
why is it that i can't just love people anymore?
why can't i just do things anymore?
why am i so scared and tired?
...
"failure is not an option"
1 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
|
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godessalthena
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::
2007 14 August :: 2.28pm
i'm going to be so tired by the time i have to go to work tonight it isn't even funny.
i want to shoot someone who needs to learn how to schedual people better... because this is just stupid.
oh well...
today is payday. i'm hoping that everything is going to be so amazing that i'm going to get everything i want.
or at least... close to it.
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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::
2007 14 August :: 2.28pm
i'm going to be so tired by the time i have to go to work tonight it isn't even funny.
i want to shoot someone who needs to learn how to schedual people better... because this is just stupid.
oh well...
today is payday. i'm hoping that everything is going to be so amazing that i'm going to get everything i want.
or at least... close to it.
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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::
2007 6 August :: 7.13pm
man... spokane soon!
dawg yo.
...
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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::
2007 4 August :: 10.03pm
work is almost done!
and bumbershoot soon!
and other good things coming up...
now to just motivate and get shit done...
sigh...
growing up sucks.
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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::
2007 29 July :: 9.22am
I had another dream about Brooke last night...
3 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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::
2007 24 July :: 10.03pm
i hate feeling so god damned alone...
i wish i could just... not be.
i don't even know anymore.
i'm so lost.
and i'm so scared of my future it isn't even funny.
i'm so afraid to fail that i'm afraid to even try.
and all this time i've believed the fact that i'll probably never amount to anything...
and it's killing me.
i just want to forget all those things and know i can do this.
because i can.
and i will...
but it's easier said than done.
and much more so when you're alone.
wish me luck...
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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::
2007 21 July :: 7.22pm
i feel so sick right now...
i should be doing my homework because it needs to get done...
i acutally need to do a lot of things right now...
i knew growing up was bad news.
and it's probably the worst news i've had in a long time...
it's raining... it's been raining for the past four or five days...
it just keeps coming... isn't it july?
but that's okay, it's more fun to do drive thru in the rain anyway...
:(
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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::
2007 19 July :: 8.06pm
fuck you.
just fucking... get out of my head.
i want to just...
I WANT THIS TO FUCKING END.
i'm so tired.
i'm dying.
and i just want to be able to let you go.
because i don't think you care anymore.
and i don't know if i can stand something different.
maybe i'm supposed to be alone forever.
god damn it.
2 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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