godessalthena
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2006 16 March :: 5.41am
:: Mood: utterly crushed
:: Music: Barenaked Ladies
Jeremiah Henderson,
okay, so i'm incredibly hurt and disgusted with you.
you and your high horse, your hypocrisy, your fickle heart. you lied to me. you've always been lying to me... how long before you fell in love again? hm? a day? a week? and here I am, with my bleeding heart, not even dreaming of loving someone again for a while. it's like you drove the knife into my heart and then twisting it and tearing it out. you said you didn't want another girl friend for a long time. you were disgusted with my mere thought of moving on in a week. it's been two fucking weeks and you're fucking in love. how do you think that makes me feel?
i never EVER want to see you ever again. period. we are no longer friends, at all. just the thought of you makes me want to slit my throat and vomit all over everything. you're like allan... pathetic.
so never talk to me again. don't even try. whatever you say to me will be deleted, ignored, erased. i want you totally out of my life. i couldn't even sleep, this hatred for you is just eating me...
Did anything between us mean anything to you? I mean, honestly, I couldn't dream of loving anyone for a long time. Just thinking about how I could make someone happy like I thought I made you happy is strange and alien and scary to me. And there you are, sharing OUR universe with some little girl... I really find it hard to believe that you ever had a place in your heart for me. It was always about you, you, you. You're the only one who exists who matters. I was nothing to you. I realize that now... I'm sorry to burden you and pretend that I ever meant anything more to you than anyone else ever could.
I hate you. I hate everything you are right now. I regret ever thinking you could love me. I regret trusting you. I just regret you... You never ever deserved me.
'i'm not o-fucking-kay...'
sincerely,
Amelia Bergh
p.s. i really, honest to god hate you. i really don't know how you could even attempt to justify any of this... i hope you have a wonderful wedding and honeymoon and all that shit. i'm so glad you're happy. oh yea, and if you ever see me again, please bring a knife so you can cut out my heart. i hope you feel like a piece of shit because that's all you are to me. good bye, i hope you have a wonderful life.
3 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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Namu
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2006 15 March :: 10.53pm
I just want to slit my throat and bleed life away.....
In trying to handle things the best I could, the whole world blows up in my fucking face! I guess that means that I'm just a horrible person then, huh?
Sorry to all of you, I wish you could just stab me so i could satisfyingly bleed the tears out...
Fuck...
Jeremiah
5 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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aerii
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2006 15 March :: 10.02pm
:: Mood: uncomfortable
god, i feel like a villian....
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 15 March :: 9.08pm
ow... that's really.
FUCK YOU. you are the disappointment. NOT me. you have no right to say any of that shit.
god I hate myself.
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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aerii
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2006 14 March :: 9.35pm
:: Mood: jealous
god, now i hate myself even more...
3 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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Namu
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2006 14 March :: 8.53pm
I don't think I'll ever stop getting disappointed. Maybe I'll just have to stop expecting things, then it'll be impossible to do. Maybe......
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 14 March :: 8.12pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: AMV Hell
I'm tired of living for others... I want to live for myself... To make myself happy without feeling guilty about it... But I do feel guilty and sad and horrible and bitchy... But at the same time I feel happy and warm, like I used to... That feeling I missed...
Is it really wrong to seek happiness? I mean, it's horrible if you step all over people and murder their lives just to be happy, but I don't feel like that's what I'm doing... I'm just... Trying to move on and be happy... And that's important...
But friends are important, too... Without them, where would I be right now..? Dead. Or very, very unhappy. So I just don't know anymore...
On one hand I know I'm a terrible friend because... I suck and really don't... I don't know I'm just a bad person/friend/whatever. On the other hand, I feel happy and I know that I'm a good person... At least I am some of the time... I don't know...
I just... Don't want to feel guilty for trying to be happy. And I don't want to hate myself anymore...
'did you ever know that you're my hero..?'
love,
amelia
2 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 14 March :: 5.57am
:: Mood: happy
i'm so incredibly happy right now, you have no idea.
it's wonderful. i can't stop smiling.
1 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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aerii
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2006 13 March :: 9.18pm
i wrote more postcards than hooks, i read more maps than books, i feel like every chance to leave is another chance i should have took.
every minute is a mile, i've never felt so hollow, i'm an old abandoned church with broken pews and empty aisles.
my secrets for a buck, watch me as i cut myself wide open on this stage as i am paid to spill my guts.
2 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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aerii
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2006 13 March :: 8.47pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: hear you me
i hate...
myself
when i try to do something good and it blows up in my face
wasl testing
school
boys
myself
Christina Marie Pena
and the fact that she is so much better than me
Mr. Eastman
Jed Zillmer
tofu
2 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 13 March :: 6.30pm
i'm thinking about calling you, just so i can hear your voice again. but the thought of the phone ringing and you picking up fills me with this huge fear grabs me. i want to talk to you again... but i remember last time we talked and i cried. i don't want to cry again... but i really miss you. my parents don't think i should...
but i so miss the sound of your voice. your laugh... you.
why do i torture myself like this..?
'dime porque...'
love,
amelia
1 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 13 March :: 3.36pm
:: Mood: giddy
I just got a letter from the UW.
I totally got accepted to the UW.
I totally feel like I'm going to cry with excitement, fear, happiness and utter goodness of not feeling like a failure.
Oh my god, I made it in...
OH MY GOD.
I'm so happy.
5 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 13 March :: 2.25pm
:: Mood: calm
So, it wasn't that bad. My gums are a little sore, but it's okay. The coolest part is the silver tooth they put in! And it was so strange with the removed the loose filling and around two thirds of my tooth was missing. And when they drilled the rest away! It was so strange. They were much nicer this time than any other time... It was pretty not cool but whatever.
I hope none of you have to ever get a crown, it's so not fun.
Anyway, I got to miss so much school! It was great! Now I hope that Kirk calls me and I can hang out with him and maybe Brooke will be allowed to come over and we can all chill out together!
Tomorrow I totally want to buy Howl's Moving Castle. Hardcore. And I totally don't want to hang out with that guy. So I won't.
today was nice and lazy. I loved it...
I don't get to eat anything crunchy, hard or sticky. It sucks...
'did you know i miss you..? i miss you...'
love,
amelia
p.s. i'm so totally confused with everything...
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 13 March :: 8.40am
:: Mood: blah
today i go to the dentist. yay... i hate them.
going home after first. yay! i hate that class sometimes.
i feel icky.
3 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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Namu
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2006 13 March :: 12.37am
When the omnipotent god asks me how I want to die, the first thought that runs through my mind is "fighting for her". Fighting for anything else would be a waste of a body and an entire lifetime.
love, Jeremiah
3 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 12 March :: 9.02am
:: Mood: refreshed
:: Music: Jimmy Eat World - The World You Love
my sunshine!
I slept until eight-thirty this morning! God, it was so frickin nice to sleep in... It's probably the lastest I've slept for a few years... And it was so nice. It's most likely because I stayed up until midnightish talking to Lauren and then writing in my journal. I would have read some of the dictionary, but I was too tired... I love reading dictionaries, not that I remember any of the words, I just love seeing how rich our language is.
I work twelve to seven today... I wish someone would see me at work. It usually isn't busy at all on Sundays... Jimmy doesn't work Sundays... Who does..? hmm...
My birthday is in a month!! That means body art in a month!! That might mean a party in a month!! Yay!! I hope Jeremiah can come for my birthday...
Howl's Moving Castle is out on DVD. I'm totally going to buy it and watch it and love it all over again. God, I love that movie! It was so good in the theater. I want to see a movie, too... A scary one.
'you are the light to my soul...'
love,
amelia
2 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 11 March :: 10.48pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: Frou Frou
to be in love...
it was the greatest.
i'm sorry to anyone who i've hurt. i love you if i still love you after everything... right now, i feel like i couldn't hate anyone. you only have one life, why spend it hating people who you can't change... it's just worthless.
well, even if our futures aren't together, at least we can still have a friendship that will hopefully last forever... i think i can accept that, but it will take lots of hard work to... finally see him again without crying... i can't look at his picture very long...
jimmy told me i did a good job today. that's good. i found out today that once everything gets settled in the other malls, jimmy will only be working at rps two days a week. so that's good news because brooke can go and not have to freak about about seeing him...
i was talking to some loser today and i told him that i didn't drink or do drugs... so he said that we could have sex together so i just stopped talking... he laughed awkwardly and slapped me on the back saying it was a joke. te...he... what a funny man. fucker.
sushi was good. mom hates that i spend my money on stuff. it's my money, i earned it, i'll do what i want with it.
god, i'm tired...
'please, please don't take...'
love,
amelia
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 11 March :: 7.51am
yesterday was fun, until i got to work and all the shit came down.
we had a fricking HUGE ass rush and I was freaking out and got to the point near tears and i felt like throwing up and my legs didn't work and my hands were all shaky. and jimmy got super uber pissed at brooke and zuzu and stina. so pissed he went down to talk to brooks about brooke. because brooke said fuck and some of the customers heard her and jimmy said he wasn't going to 'deal with that kind of crap' from an employee upstairs or downstairs.
and that line was huge. and i was scared and sad for brooke. and i messed up a few times and it was embarassing and i just wanted to hide and scream...
but before that, aq took me on the gondolas and that was fun and scary. he also talked to me about his brother who was killed by the police. and he even told me a secret... the guy at the gondola ride was really funny because he kept saying things that made me terrified of the ride. and the woman who gave us our tickets totally made us only pay the five dollars even though aq isn't a teen...
and i saw crystle, who'd pregnant and happy about it. and amber, but i didn't say anything to her because she was going up the escalators. and i saw peter, mike, april and allory and they said hi to me. and brandon is from ferris and is in runny start...
love,
amelia
p.s. that chick with aq was his sister... :(
2 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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Namu
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2006 10 March :: 8.35pm
I took the age quizzy thing....
and I came out 14......
haha....hehe....good times good times.
1 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 10 March :: 6.15am
:: Mood: sleepy
i wish i could not go to school today. i hate that place... i want to just skip the whole day and sleep... when i woke up it felt like i had gone to bed at five and woke up an hour later... it sucked.
at least it's friday!! I get paid today, which makes work okay since there's money that i can spend and have happy fun times with now and in the future because i know how to save my money and budget it so i'm not screwed over when i don't have a job! yay!
man, i'm so happy. the mere thought of the future with him makes everything happy. it makes me smile and feel like there's something to live for.
i feel like an okay person now...
'i want to find the me in the future and give her a reason for life...'
love,
amelia
2 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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Namu
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2006 9 March :: 11.37pm
This is all part of our......
Storybook Romance
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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aerii
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2006 9 March :: 8.58pm
:: Mood: amused
"As someone whom lost their Grandmother to emphysema i can tell you it's confusing and that i dealt with it by learning to smoke.
because i fucking love the irony"
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 8 March :: 9.10pm
ever since i said something to you, my world has gotten better...
my belly hurts...
Maybe things will be okay... I hope they will be.
1 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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Namu
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2006 8 March :: 9.03pm
Why do I have a ridiculous obsession with love?
3 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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Namu
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2006 7 March :: 11.17pm
"Love is a many, spendid thing, love, lift us up where we belong,all you need is love"
1 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 7 March :: 8.05pm
[10 Things About Yourself]
1] I love my bad hair days now
2] My ankle hurts
3] I lied to Anna so I didn't have to hang out with her
4] I saw AQ's girlfriend today! (yes!)
5] I let some people run my life
6] My hands reek of bleach sometimes
7] I feel like a toy most of the time
8] I found a black hair in my bangs today
9] I fail often
10] My voice is obnoxious
[9 Of Your Friends And One Thing About Them]
1] Brookelynn: She's my best friend
2] Jeremiah: He wasted part of his life helping me because I'm not strong enough it stay that way by myself
3] Zuzu: I'm super jealous of mostly everything about her
4] Josh: He doesn't proofread his messages
5] Kirk: He doesn't know how to act around angry people
6] Lily: Her life confuses me
7] Kalie: She disappeared...
8] Brittany: She's amazing. I admire her so greatly
9] Lauren: She's good at being a good person
[8 Things You Would Like Right Now]
1] To have all my homework done
2] Not have to get a crown
3] Jeremiah (and everything that entails, being with him physically forever, being his forever... like it used to be)
4] Eternal slumber
5] A life
6] Self-Esteem
7] The ability to be a good person to my friends
8] A new experience
[7 Things You Can Remember From Your Childhood]
1] We would play with stamps at the kitchen table
2] Cleaning our closet
3] Playing with the doll house with Zuzu
4] Pound Purries
5] Duplos
6] Gummy worms
7] John and Maggie
[6 Of Your Favourite Bands Right Now]
1] Armor for Sleep
2] The Spill Canvas
3] Jimmy Eat World
4] Frou Frou
5] BSB
6] Last Days of April
[5 Things You Want To Achieve//Do Before You Die]
1] Be happy
2] Have kids
3] Stay happily married
4] Die in someone's arms
5] Go into space
[4 Things//People That Make You Happy]
1] Sleep
2] Giraffie
3] Knowing I'm smarter than people around me
4] Hearing compliments from respectable people
[3 Things You Wish Were Different About The World]
1] There were no humans
2] No one smelt horrible and made me want to puke
3] People could be happy/world peace
[2 People You Miss Right Now]
1] Jeremiah
2] Grandpa
[1 Thing You Regret]
1] losing the best thing that ever happened to me
4 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 7 March :: 4.02pm
so yeah, today i bought some ice cream and goldfish after school...
i'm eating it right now... it's the highlight of my day... sitting by myself eating ice cream infront of my computer with armor for sleep playing in the background.
i'm shit as a friend, girlfriend, sister, daughter and co-worker. on the other hand i'm pretty good at school.... except for that fucking timed write on that fucking love poem about how shitty love is that made me pissed and hurt. so my timed write was really really horrible and practically illegible and totally not on topic.
my mom is super worried about me... i wish i knew what to say to her other than i'm okay.
i hate being me.
'please believe i never wanted this...'
love,
amelia
1 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 6 March :: 9.20pm
on a side note, i went to sushi.com with dale and brooke and it was the best. thanks so much for coming dale and brooke, it really helped my day.
i'm sorry i think about shooting my brains out. it's really nothing anyone can help but me.
i love my friends. i'm sorry i don't deserve friends like you....
love,
bitch queen USA
2 told me |
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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godessalthena
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2006 6 March :: 8.52pm
once upon a time there was a young girl who wasn't a very good person. she had quite the talent for saying the wrong things at the worst possible time. people loved her despite this, but she hated herself for it.
she said one day that she wanted to die. she said it with all the truth she could muster because she didn't see the point when she couldn't enjoy life because she hated who she was.
eventually everyone got fed up and left her. she lived alone for the rest of her life in a shack in the middle of nowhere. she cried herself to sleep at night until eventually she died. they found her body four years later, her bones crumpled together in a corner.
the end.
i want to hear the stories of your love for me
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