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2004 10 October :: 10.01 am
:: Mood: just woke up
:: Music: no music
I got my crabs from dirty dicks
(haha sorry, I'm wearing that shirt)
Today is Sunday and I have to work from 12-4.
Yesterday I had to call off work, because I didn't have a ride.. first time I ever had to call off.. it was weird.
I'm thinking about fixing my computer.. I tried last night, but I couldn't find the disks... I am just going to do what I didn't want to do.. delete everything off my computer and start all over again. Oh well, it's not like I'm going to fix it any other way.
I wrote last Wednesday.
Which means...
Wednesday: I went to school and this day I wrote Cody a note telling him that, if he didn't care, I didn't care.. and that I really love him, but I'm not going to put up with this bullshit anymore, if he's mean to me, I'm talking to other guys and I don't care. I was supposed to sit with him in the auditorium and when the announcement came on to go down, I asked him if I was still sitting by him and he said, "i don't give a fuck".. so I said, "neither do i" and walked away.
he read the note when we were in the auditorium.. i know, because it ended up that he said behind us.
I didn't talk to him the rest of the day. But I sat with Crystal and Richie at lunch (Cody wasn't at lunch) and I had to sit next to Brandon.. ugh.
Thursday: I sat at Cody's lunch table.. but we didn't talk to eachother all day. He even stopped bumping into me when he'd see me in the halls. We completely ignored eachother. When the pep rally came, I sat by myself. A couple people wanted to sit by me.. but.. I just wanted to sit by myself. This got me yelled at, but I guess I don't care, because I wanted to sit by myself. I sorta sat by Mary.
I went home with Crystal. Not with Richie, he left school early.. me and crystal just figured he was "being gay". Haha, just kidding.
Toby and Cody came over a little bit later.. Cody was still ignoring me. We went to the courts. We came back. Me Richie and Crystal left. We came back and Cody was sitting with Grandma and Terri... me Crystal and Cody watched Beethoven. Crystal and Richie went upstairs and me and Cody played Madden. He beat me very bad.
I asked him what he was doing this weekend, (Friday and Saturday), he said nothing.. even though I knew he was lying, because i heard he was going to a haunted hosue with Ciara on Saturday.
I kept on asking him if he was sure he wasn't doing anything. He kept saying he was sure.
I asked him if that meant he was still going with me to Casey and Tamika's on Saturday. He paused.. and said no. He told me he wanted to go by hisself. I told him that wasn't very nice to say to someone... and that he already told me he was going with me!! he said he cahnged his mind.
But.. he did ask me to sleep over his house. I told him I'd think about it, if he told me why he didn't want to go with me on Sautrday.
A little bit later Terry said she was taking us home. I looked at him and said, "shit! tell her i'm staying over here!!!" and he just laughed and said, "haa haa, now you have to go home with mee"...ass.
So.. I went there and I kept on asking him if hge was SURE he wasn't doing anything Sautrday.. and all sorts of related questions. He finally realized, and said, "you know something don;'t you?" and i said, "waht do i know?" and he said, "you know that i'm going to a haunted house on saturday?" and i said, "yes, and who are you going with?" and he said, "joe ducci" and i said, "ohh really? who else?" and he said "ciara" and i said, "anyone else?" (because he was lying about the joe ducci part) and he said, "no, caitlyn's not going, she's grounded, if that's what you mean"...-"that's not what I mean", I said.
We later got in a big fight because he wanted to put his arm around me when we went to sleep and i wouldn't let him. i told himwe can't be together if he is trying to talk to someone else. He flipped out. He punched his CD player, called me all kinds of names, threw things around, yelled, and wlaked out of the room. I started to cry, and when he came back in, he told me not to cry. He gave me a hug, and told me to stop crying because my heart was beating too fast. I didn't say anything and then I said, "me and you can't be togehter anymore"... he paused for a second and then said "WHY?".. and then i just kept on talking (as best i could with how hard i was crying)...
i said a lot of things that needed to be said for a long time.. and somewhere along the line we fell asleep like that...
Friday:in the morning he went to is senior project. i did some laundry and wrote him a 4 paged letter. front and back. it was basically an average break up letter.. really sad and really gay. him and adam came back and we got dressed and went to toby's.
Crystal and Richie came over and the boys satrted fighting iwth us because we whispered something to eachother.
I have to take a shower and get ready fro work so this is gonna have to be continued some other time... later.
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2004 6 October :: 3.36 pm
:: Music: Nelly and Tim McGraw - Over and Over
cohs it's all in my head..
i think about it over and over again
and it hurts so bad
i can't take it, i can't shake it, no...
Well, I'm updating again.. I rarely get to, because I am never on the computer anymore.
it's a shame that we gotta spend our time bein' mad about the same things over and over again.
I can't go on not loving you.*
MJPerry24: on the way from work
MJPerry24: i saw this girl in greensburg walking up the street i was like holy shit shes SUPER hot i mean stacked, looked like britney spears if britney spears was 50000 times hotter than britney spears.
MJPerry24: so im driving
MJPerry24: and ALL the guys in cars are staring at her causing this huge traffic jam
MJPerry24: ...she then gets on the middle school bus.
uh.. and.. this weekend on friday i went home with crystal and richie and me and crystal bonded and shared some quality good ol high times.
cody came over and we all chilled and then i went home with him.
i slept over his house and about 3 in the mornign Mary calls me and flips out.. about what.. i don't know.
About 8 in the morning Bubber calls me and wakes me up, makes me wake Cody up. Toby comes over, and we all sit and chill.. you know.
Tadd and Chooch came over. They all played football. We fit 9 people in Chooch's car and went to Fayette City. That's right. Me, Chooch, and Bub in the front.. Cody, Tadd, and Toby in the back, Richie on the hood, and Brandon in the trunk... because he walked there from Fayette City.. which sucks... haha.
We went to the basketball courts and it started raining so we sat in the trees until it stopped.. bubber, chooch, and tadd left.. toby went home.. the rest of us went to crystal's.
later that night me and cody got in a fight because we were all sitting there and he said, "soooo.. i'm gonna go home to take a shower, what are you gonna do?".. he was gonna go get ready to go to caitlyn's... which, i wasn't all that mad about it though because i already knew, it was planned, and i was going to cowen's.
but.. it was only like 3 in the afternoon, and i wasn't leaving.. and then i got mad because he didn't even make it an option that i could come to caitlyn's with him.
So.. we kinda got into fighting.. and he didn't know why I was mad.. when.. it was funny, because all of his friends knew.
anyways.. soo on sunday he helped his uncle and i didn't talk to him all day.. on monday he didn't go to school and i went to shawn's football game.. i didn't talk to him all that day either because he didnt call me, and this angered me, so i didn't call him either.
On Tuesday I worked. And Cody didn't go to school, but called me about 8937458932754 times and left me 754438 messages asking if I was avoiding him. We talked for a while, and I told him how muhc of a faggot he was, and I was mean to him.. and he didn't know why.
and i have tog et reayd for work so ill write later..
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2004 27 September :: 11.11 pm
So today I went to school, came home and talked to Bishop on here, and then went to Brewer.
Here's my shitty update...
Health: Nothing is physically wrong with me.. now mentally, we might have something there...
Family: They're niggers, but I like my mom.
Friends: I'm not allowed to hang out with SLuddy for a while.. cause some dumb shit.. it's pretty much all our own stupid faults, but... there's nothing I can do...
Enemies: Uh.. No enemies at the moment. Me and Bishop started to get along the other day. Yes, I'm not making that up. Today we had a nice chat.. actually it was the only time we had a civil conversation.
Love: I love Cody and he is a bitch. Today we got in a fight because he licked me and I smacked him in the side of the head and he told me I slapped him in the face.. except he came about it to yell at me in a very bipolar way.
Life: Fucking blows big cow cock. I bought a new ring the other day and a new bracelet today. Both have my birthstone in it, and both are gold. That's right.. not silver.. gold.
I never wore gold before until not last September, the September before that, Cody bought me a gold cross necklace. We weren't even going out, but he bought it for me and it's really nice and pretty. That Christmas I got a gold ring with my birthstone in it from my stepdad. That's when I started to wear them all the time. Both of them were gold, so they went together, and matched, and I wore them instead of my usual silver.
Then, the chain for my cross broke so I put away the gold ring and took back out the silver.
For my birthday this year, Pete's sister Marilyn bought me these really pretty earrings with my birthstone in them, and they matched that ring.. but I didn't wear them, because I didn't have a lot of other gold to wear.
Well.. the other day I found a gold chain in my mom's car and so we put my cross on it. Then I took out all my gold jewlery. The chain was too long, so I went to WalMart and bought a 16' one, and I also bought another ring with my birthstone on it.
Today I bought a bracelet.. sooooo pretty.. with my birthstone on it.
School: I got a 100% on my World Cultures test that I took on Friday. But.. I got a 76% on my Spanish test. I haven't been trying real hard in Spanish, so from now on I'm going to actually put effort into it.
I started taking those practice tests for the PSATs or whatever they are... I'm a little behind becuase one of my English teachers, Mrs Vandermer, is confused on what to do with me since I'm in an English 9 class... and Ms Melnick.. doesn't even care.
I got a detention today for "skipping class"...oh well...
Well.. that's about as updated as you're gonna get. I'll write tomorrow, I suppose.. I dunno though, because I have to work and I have to go tanning...
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2004 27 September :: 4.37 pm
i tried writing in this fucking thing to update, and it didn't work so fuck it.. fuck this stupid fucking journal.. it pisses me the fuck off...
(shh, i'll update later)
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2004 22 September :: 12.23 am
:: Mood: i'm.. alright
:: Music: Liz Phair - Why Can't I?
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you?
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you?
Okay, so after I transferrred that whole long thing, I felt it was needed to update.
Because, and update is in serious need. A lot has happened, and I just haven't had time to get it all down...
Okay, so the last real day I wrote was september 15, and that was my first day back to school after getting suspended.
Thursday, September 16th...School and then work, and then probably tanning.
Friday, September 17th... School and then work.
Saturday, September 18th...
Sunday, September 19th...I worked 12-4, and it was sooo boring. And then I walked to Brittni's, and then we walked to her grandma's and sat with her whole family.. and her hott cousin that she says "was looking at me".. even though he wasn't.. she's just freaking gay haha and i'm not even gonna say who he is because everyone knows him.
we walked to the convenience, and sat with tommy and brent and it was FREEZING. Dannielle picked us up and we went to Val's and then McDonald's. We took Brittni home (well, we sat outside her house a while, laughing our asses off and being idiots), and then we went back to McDonald's a second, and then she took me home.
Monday, September 20th...
Tuesday, September 21th...
...i'll update more later, i'm tired and it's 12:30 and I have school tomorrow.
-lisa m. meehan
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2004 20 September :: 3.22 pm
:: Mood: hating males
:: Music: i'm not listening to music, but i have headsprung stuck in my head because of stupid BRUMLEY
i wish guys were cool
this is a continuation from my handwritten journal: Don't judge or don't read.
Cody--October 2, 2002. That is when we started dating...officially. When I was in 9th grade. He was bubber's friend, and like begged me to date him. I did, and I eventually fell in love with him, as cheesy as that sounds. He was the first guy to ever cheat on me... but I liked him so much, I practically let him. I made up excuses for him everytime, and explained to everyone why i was taking him back. The end of June, beginning of July, we broke up. We hadn't talked for a week. I was always grounded, but everyday I wasn't, I was spent with him. When we broke up, we stayed friends. We made plans to go to Kennywood with eachother and everything. He later decided to go with his friends. Since Albaugh was locked up, he went with Richie, Albaugh's, girlfriend Laura Laughland (or ex, you would say), and Jamie Greer, her friend. I spent a lot of time with him at Kennywood. His mom was so happy to see me and made us get pictures taken togehter. *Someone* told me a few days later, Cody was having sex with Laura.--Josh's girlfriend that he had to break up with since he got sent away.
Cody started to like Laura, and it was his friends, more than anything, that broke my heart. I lost like 10 lbs. that summer... when I came back to school, everyone asked how I lost all the weight.--haha.
Him and Laura fell through at the beginning of my 10th grade year. It might have something to do with the fact me and Nicole beat her and her mom up in the front of Wal*Mart. Haha. Cody dated Nicole after that.
Cody and Nicole hurt me, but not all that bad. You'd think since Nicole was one of my good friends, that it would've hurt me worse, but I think that was just what made it easier.
Then came Justin Cowen. Nicest guy ever. Girls.. if you ever wanna date a really nice guy.. and you're not fat or ugly.. you should really talk to Justin Cowen. The only guy I felt interested in since Cody. There was something about him, but he was just what I needed to finally get my mind.. and heart.. off of Cody after a year. Cowen was the only person that could talk to me, treat me with respect, and make me laugh since Cody. I definitely kept a strong guard up, because I was so scared of being hurt again.
One day, Cody showed up at my house. Near the middle of Octover, I'm pretty sure. Me and him talked a little, to get caught up, he was working at Shop n Save, and things with Nicole weren't working out. I had just started talking to Cowen though, and I was pretty happy. Me and my mom took him home from work that day. I went in to say hi to his mom.. she was sleeping, though. I gave him a hug as I was leaving, and then we kissed. I felt really bad about it, because I didn't want to get involved with him again, and I really wanted to start to talk to Justin, so I didn't do it again, and I didn't plan on doing it again, but I still talked to Cody on the phone that night, and the night after. Then one night, he just.. didn't call. I tried getting ahold of him after that, but felt like he was avoiding me. I got a phone call from him one night while I was helping Tracy at the Elementary school. He said that he was sorry for not calling me, and that he was sent to a shelter.. he said he was going to get sent away... and that he loved me.
I wrote to him everynight.. even though my days were spent with Justin, and I was having so much fun, and enjoying life so much. He never made anything too serious, and we always had fun together.
I fell more for Justin and less for Cody with every time that me and Justin went out somewhere, but the letters to Cody continued. (Although they got awfully mean, and probably hurt his feelings.. and all of them talked about Justin.. I didn't stop writing)
In January, me and Justin faded away, and with Cody coming home in a couple month, I started dating Josh Runkle... the "hottest kid ever". Haha.
Cody came home and waited for me patiently. He called me faithfully, ever, but I was content in not being with him again, because I didn't want to be hurt, and I liked Josh. March 5, 2004--Cody's birthday. I was spending a lot of time with Mary then. Cody begged for me to be at his house on his birthday, so I went. Not having a ride home, and noone to come get me, I slept over, which.. of course.. caused me and Josh to break up.
I still refused to date Cody, and I felt I had no interest in him, and I was proud of myself for havng denied him so many times. Eventually, me and Cody were back together again... and everything between us was absolutely perfect. Perfect to every extent. He loved me and I loved him. He wasn't cheating on me, and would do anything for me, and we got along wonderfully....
As I started to fall for him again, he began to realize how in love with him I actually am, and took advantage of it. He didn't cheat on me, and I knew he wouldn't, but slowly he stopped being so nice--crushing the heart he stole back.
Breaking up, practically every day, we always got back together. Until.. one day... we just.. didn't. I told him I missed him and he told me he didn't want a girlfriend. We stayed in touch, of course, and hung out whenever we could. I got a job, and he got a life.. without me.
Hanging out at the pool and in Fayette City everyday and playing basketball with his friends, he didn't have a lot of time to call, and me and him lost touch for a little while. Eventually we started talking again, but I felt liek he was talking to other girls.
School started. I would see him talk to thsi girl at lunch sometimes. A 9th grade girl. Zack Hruska came up to me one day in lunch and asked me if Cody was talking to Kaitlyn Femm. I said I didn't know, and I assumed he was, because I always saw him talking to her. I was confused though, because me and him were still talking and hanging out everyday.
I heard more and more things about them as time went on.
2nd period, Tommy Kress said in 4th period English, that he has with Cody, that when he asked if Cody was talking to anyone, Cody said no.. and that him and I were still talking everyday.
Racquel said she has a class with him, and overheard him talking to someone. They asked if we were still together. He said no, but then said, "you know we'll get back together though."
He spent weeks fucking with my head. I don't know if it was on purpose or not, but it hurt so bad. He would tell me he didn't even talk to her and that they just talked on the weekends, when they saw eachother, and he told me he kissed her, but they weren't going out.
He would tell me he didn't even like her, and then he would say, he was just "talking" to her, and that didn't make him love me less. I was confused with everything that was going on, and had no idea what to think, do, feel, or even be.
One day, Mary asked her if she talked to him, she said no, and that they only talked on the weekends, and she told her not to, because i was crazy and i would kick her ass. I told cody to pick one, and I told him if he picked me, that meant I would resept the fact the he didn't want a girlfriend, but i would still kill that girl.
8th period, the next day, Richie Williams asked if I was still trying to go out with Cody. I told him i didn't know, and he told me him and kaitlyn were going out. Going to catch the bus, I asked Cody if it was true. He said, "i don't know.. maybe.. yeah.. i guess." And walked away, running to catch hsi bus. I couldn't help but have hurt feelings, and stood there, not knowing how to react. Everythuing fell out of my purse, and I missed my bus.
Waiting for my mom to pick me up, I argued with Cody on the phone, begging him to be nice to me for a second. I was crying hard by the time my mom picked me up. She yelled at me for getting a suspension, and then dropped me off at home. Before even going in my house, I was on the phone with Cody again, this time crying harder...and yelling. (I never yell) He was yelling back, and saying anything he could think of to hurt my feelings.
I don't remember what was said, really. I kept on telling him he made me psychotic. I told him he was the one that was fucked up for fucking with my head so bad and that he was the one who needed help. I asked him why he jsut didn't tell me the truth. I told him that thr reason I was so upset was because he told me he didn't want a girlfriend and he has one. I told him he fucked with me so bad, and ruined me. I told him he should've let me know when they were together. He tried his hardest to make me feel my worst. Then I asked him why he didn't tell me the truth, and he said because he didn't want to hurt my feelings. I told him he made me think he liked me when he didn't.. when really, he stopped liking me a long time ago. He paused and said.. ".. I never stopped liking you"...it was very drawn out and dramatic. and he, literally, makes me crazy.
xxlisaxmariexx
September 10, 2004
It's about 10 after 7 and I just woke up. No, I'm not going to be late for school, I am suspended, remember? I am glad I have 3 days out. The only place I'll have to see anyone is work. I don't even know how I'm gonna do that.
I forgot how bad it hurt while I was sleeping. I wish I could fall asleep for days, and wake up when everything's better.
Back to writing about what is wrong...
School fucking blows. I hate it there. It's hell. There's 380 kids in my lunch, and the lines are so long, we don't even have time to eat. Everyone there is dirty,a nd you have to be careful not to catch their diseases. I can't stop crying, and I look like a fucking idiot. Everytime I go in that building, everything gets worse. People want to see you hurt or something. I hate it there.
Another this wrong, is Liz. She's a problem. She is constantly mean. No matter how nice you are, she's a fucking bitch, and she doesn't care if your feelings are hurt or not. She like, goes out of her way to make your day bad. She seriously is a fucking BITCH no matter what.
And.. Pete. Just saying the name makes me want to explose, because it's been kept inside me for so long. He is an asshole. He's like seriousyl mentally retarded or something. And his temper...it's the worst. He's always flipping out about nothing. Seriously. When something is good, he makes it into something bad. Especially because he doesn't like to see people happy. I don't know how or why he does it. Even when he just comes home from work, I get that awful feeling inside me, and I kinda feel like I want to hide until he goes to sleep. It's not that I'm scared of him, I just.. don't know. But I've been getting that feeling ever since I can remember, so I'm pretty used to it by now.
My friends have all graduated and moved away. I never see them anymore, and school's not the same without them. Not all of them I don't see.. some of them I see everyday in school, it's jsut that things between us just aren't the same.
Me, Mary, and Racquel are in the same lunch, and we don't even sit by eachother....
Listen.. I'm fucking tired. I think I'm gonna finish this up another time. It probably won't be in a new entry, and it'll just be continued from this one, so just watch out... peace
Today is Tuesday, September 21, 2004, and I am continuing the rest of my notebook...
...My friends have all graduated and moved away. I never see them anymore, and school's not the same without them. Not all of them I don't see.. some of them I see everyday in school, it's jsut that things between us just aren't the same.
Me, Mary, and Racquel are in the same lunch, and we don't even sit by eachother.
Sarah Ludwick isn't Sarah Ludwick, anymore.. she's Sarah & Ryan... and a completely different peron. She changed so much for him, and it's not a bad change, it's just a change. She knows she did, and she's happy, so that's all that matters, I just miss her so much. And when we hang out, he is almost always with us. It wouldn't be all that bad if he was nice to me, but he's not. Every now and then we have our moments where we get along real good, because we do have a lot in common, but he is just mean to me. I don't say anything to her because I don't want to make anything into a big deal, and I don't want her to feel bad or try to change back. Sarah, if you read this, just.. forget it or something, I'm just trying to get it out...
Jenna.. she's a good friend and everything, but when I'm sad she really doesn't know what to do to help. She usually just yells at me and tells me it's not worth it. I know she doesn't mean to make me feel worse, but she does, and again.. I don't say anything, because she does try.
If i explain to anyone what's going on with me and Cody, I don't want to hear how many other guys are out there. I know it's something common to say to try to make things better, but it doesn't help.
My heart hurts right now, and that's just something I have to learn to live with.
xxlisaxmeehanxx
The truth is...
You could slit my throat,
and with my one, last, gasping breath...
I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt.*
September 10, 2004
I just got home from work. It sucks, but eh, can't complain. I laugh when I'm there.
I sat outside in my mom's car for a while after I got home, thinking while I listened to music. I can't help but be miserable. I came home and cleared off Liz's bed. There was a t-shirt that said, "That which does not kill us, only makes us stronger."*
I've never seen it before in my life. Maybe it's Liz's friend Ashley's. I don't know, but the saying is right. Yeah, I'm completely, absolutely torn apart by everythign right now, but I'm still alive. I still have a lot of days ahead of me. The experiences I go through are supposed to teach me a lesson, I know. It hurts, but life goes on, and you learn to be strong.
I got blood taken today. Nice. Results come back Monday to see if there's something wrong with me.
I guess it's a good thing you can't die of a broken heart. I would beed had be dead. In a way, I kinda wish I could die of a broken heart...like putting an animal to sleep, so it wouldn't have to suffer.
Life goes on, I know things get better, but it still hurts now. Yes, I know there are other guys out there, but I don't want another one. I want the one I had. I want the one I've had for two years. I want the one I made all the promises and plans with. The one that I was closer with than anyone else in the world. The one I could blow all my days and money on and not regret one second or cent. I want the one I am in love with now. I don't want to start over. I don't want someone else. It's him or nothing. he makes everything better. he's the only one that can fix all of my other problems, even if things between us aren't perfect. I don't want to be with anyone but him. Everything we do, I want us to go through together, but he doesn't, so I guess it doesn't matter.
I want to run away. I need somewhere to go and someone to fix everything. Normally, he's the one I would run to, but I don't have him anymore.
Last night I called him and woke him up. I didn't mean to wake him up, I didn't know it was that late. I said, "hey.. I just wanted to say sorry for almost fucking anything up and good-bye. i won't bother you anymore. sorry for waking you up." and he said, "its cool, i'll hit you up tomorrow." and i said, "i won't have my phone." so he said alright, and then we said good bye and good night, and hung up.
I wish I knew what to do. I wish I knew what to think, or how to feel. I wish I wasn't me.
xxlisaxmeehanxx
September 12, 2004
After my tanning appointment yesterday, my mom made me go up Brewer, so I walked to Sarah's house and came and got her. After it was done, we took Sarah back home. I miss the old Brewer. Wish all the old friends that used to go...
I came home and did my work schedule and say that I was supposed to work today, so my mom took me home late.
Work was alright. I worked with TJ and we had fun, haha he cracks me up. I talked to him about Cody a little bit.. he actually helped. In the way that bub used to.. he made everything not so serious, and I laughed about it.
September 12, 2004
I got my pay check cashed. I got $70, and my bank gets $70.
I am waiting to go to work. 10 more minutes...
This morning, I sent Cody a text message. I told him, "i know i told you i wouldn't bother you anymore, but i just wanted to say everything's cool now, I feel better..." blah blah blah.
Anyways.. I have to go to work now so I'll write when I get home. Later.
xxlisaxmeehanxx
September 12, 2004
I'm happy as of now. I think what mainly upsets me is Cody. And what is WORSE about that, is that I don't want him to not want me. Talking to other guys makes this a lot easier for me though.
I don't know though, because I can't really figure myself out. I knwo that when I'm sad, I will try to come off the exact opposite, which means I'll probably get giddy and happy, instead of cry and flip out. Although.. when I'm alone.. I cry and flip out all the time. Just recently it's been that I cry and flip out all the time and I can't pretend anymore.
Day1..was no fun.
Day2..i hated you.
By day 3 I wish you'd come right back to me.
Days 4, 5, and 6..well I guess you just don't give a shit.
Day 7..this is hell, this is hell.
I gotta get away, and find something to do. But everything I do, everything I see reminds me of you...
Still counting the days I've been without you.. 1, 2, 3, 4.. Still counting the days since you've been gone...
Hell yeah I'm gonna be sad, how couldn't i? my boyfriend of 2 years jsut picked some ugly foreign freshman over me. Hurt feelings. I'm just jealous, I guess? You know? I jsut have to get over it, and move on. Right now, that's what my feelings are. Hurt. I'm jealous.. and hurt.
We'll I'm gonna go watch Wildboys. I don't ahve school tomorrow, so I'll write more whenI wake up.
xxlisaxmeehanxx
September 13, 2004
I just woke up, and I had really bad dreams about everything.
My doctor should be calling sometime today to tell me what is wrong, but right now my stomach really hurts.
I ate so much at work last night. I was so full, I didn't think i could move. I had 3 broken ravioli, and a grilled chicken salad.
My stomach hurts, and I keep having a sort of.. worried.. feeling. I don't know what I am worrying about, but that's the best way to describe it... a worried feeling.
I don't want to go back to school ever, at all. I hate it there. When I go back, I want everything to be different. As of right now, I don't have any friends, I hate my schedule, I don't know anyone in any of my classes, and all I want to do is escape. Especially towards the end of the year, they can't keep me there. i'm getting out, whether they like it nor not.
My physical is on Thursday, so I get my permit soon. I am arguing with Pete right now, as I write, that I have to drive with my mom. She's the one that takes me places, when she has to drive me somewhere, i'm supposed to drive. they said they don't know what i'm going to drive. this is why i tol dthem to get me a car like 2 months ago. they don't listne very well. pete is on the phone with a lead and i'm going to argue with him when he gets off. i'll be right back,
i'm back. i'm done talking to him, because he's pissing me off sooo bad. he doesn't understand that i can't drive his fucking gay ass truth. my mom doesn't know how to drive his truck. he doesn't know what he's talking about.
i ahve to work again on Friday, i don't think i'm going to be able to amke it to any of the football games.
anyways.. i'm done.
xxlisameehanxx
September 13, 2004
It's like 10 til 10. I called Cody this afternoon, for help on homework, and he said, "why did you send me text messages to piss me off" (i told him i was going to start talking to brent and that it would make me feel better, and it would make everything better, because that way he won't feel like i'm fucking anything for him up.) I said, "they weren't to piss you off..." and he said, "i don't care about that kid, I'll beat their asses" Like an idiot, of course. He has to get pissed about me talking to any guy, but if i say anything about him talking to kaitlyn, i'm psychotic.
I don't think I want to be with Cody, I only do because I love him, and because it's so easy to be with him. But.. it hurts me too much. He is too stressful. He causes me too much drama. I'm content with the way things are now.
But.. I'm really gonna go because my head feels funny. peace.
xxlisaxmariexx
...That's where my notebook basically stops, because I think that's where I got bored with writing in it everyday, and that I started feeling a lot better after that.
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::
2004 15 September :: 8.35 pm
:: Mood: i'm alright.. i'm alright.
:: Music: Sheryl Crow
all i wanna do is have some fun before i die...
Well, I wrote yesterday, and today.. I didn't do a thing. Well, that's a lie. Today was my first day back to school, and as my mother put it, it's official, i hate it.
After school I did.. shit. I went to my tanning appointment, and then I went to Jenevieve's. Brett came over, and the three of us kinda just chilled for a little bit, until my mom picked me back up.
Now I'm home, and I'm going to finish writing where I left off...
...Me and my mom went to the doctor's. I felt like an idiot, because I couldn't stop crying the whole time. I had to get x-rays and my blood tests are tomorrow. The doctor told my mom that he wanted to put me on anti-depressants.
My mom told me to write everything down in a notebook, and never let anyone read it... this is just the same.. and it's good enough.
I don't know where to being, because there's not one thing right, right now...
*Cody--October 2, 2002. That is when we started dating...officially. When I was in 9th grade. He was bubber's friend, and like begged me to date him. I did, and I eventually fell in love with him, as cheesy as that sounds. He was the first guy to ever cheat on me... but I liked him so much, I practically let him. I made up excuses for him everytime, and explained to everyone why i was taking it back. The end of June, beginning of July, we broke up. We hadn't talked for a week. I was always grounded, but everyday I wasn't, I was spent with him. When we broke up, we stayed friends. We made plans to go to Kennywood with eachother and everything. He later decided to go with his friends. Since Alaugh was locked up, he went with Richie, ALbaugh's, girl friend, or ex, you would say), and Jamie Greer her friend. I spent a lot of time with him at Kennywood. His mom was so happy to see me and made us get pictures taken togehter. *Someone* told me a few days later, Cody was having sex with Laura.--Josh's girlfriend that he had to break up with since he got sent away.
Cody started to like Laura, and it was his friends, more than anything, that broke my heart. I lost like 10 lbs. that summer... when I came back to school, everyone asked how I lost all the weight.--haha.
Him and Laura fell through at the beginning of my 10th grade year. It might have something to do with the fact me and Nicole beat her and her mom up in the front of Wal*Mart. Cody dated Nicole after that.
Cody and Nicole hurt me bad, but not all that bad. You'd think since Nicole was one of ym good friends, that it would've hurt me worse, but I think that was just what made it easier.
Then came Justin Cowen. Nicest guy ever. Girls.. if you ever wanna date a really nice guy.. and you're not fat or ugly.. you should really be interested in Justin Cowen. The only guy I felt interested in since Cody. There was something about him, but he was just what I needed to finally get my mind.. and heart.. off of Cody.. after a year. Cowen was the only person that could talk to me, treat me with respect, and make me laugh since Cody. I definitely kept a strong guard up, because I was so scared of being hurt again.
One day, Cody showed up at my house. Near the middle of Octover, I'm pretty sure. Me and him talked a little, to get caught up, we was working at Shop n Save, and things with Nicole weren't working out. I had just started talking to Cowen though, and I was pretty happy. Me and my mom took him home from work that day. I went in to day hi to his mom.. she was sleeping, though. I gave him a hug as I was leaving, and then we kissed. I felt really bad about it, because I didn't want to get involved with him again, and I really wanted to start to talk to Justin, so I didn't do it again, and I didn't plan on doing it again, but I still talked to Cody on the phone that night, and the night after. Then one night, he just.. didn't call. I tried getting ahold of him after that, but felt like he was avoiding me. I got a phone call from him one night while I was helping Tracy at the Elementary school. He said that he was going to get sent away... and that he loved me.
I wrote to him everynight.. even though my days were spent with Justin, and I was having so much fun, and enjoying life so much. He never made anything too serious, and we always had fun together.
I fell more for Justin and less for Cody with every time that me and Justin went out somewhere, but the letters to Cody continued. (Although they got awfully mean, and probably hurt his feelings.. and all of them talked about Justin.. I didn't stop writing)
In January, me and Justin faded away, and with Cody coming home in a couple month, I started dating Josh Runkle... the "hottest kid ever". Haha.
Cody came home and waited for me patiently. He called me faithfully, ever, but I was content in not being with him again, because I didn't want to be hurt, and I liked Josh. March 5, 2004--Cody's birthday. I was spending a lot of time with Mary then. Cody begged for me to be at his house on his birthday, so I went. Not having a ride home, and noone to come get me, I slept over, which.. of course.. cause me and Josh to break up.
I still refused to date Cody, and I felt I had no interest in him, and I was proud of myself for havng denied him so many times. Eventually, me and Cody were back together again... and everything between us was absolutely perfect. Perfect to every extent. He loved me and I loved him. He wasn't cheating on me, and would do anything for me, and we got along wonderfully.
I'll write the rest of it later, because Brent just called, and I'm gonna talk to him.
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::
2004 14 September :: 10.45 am
:: Mood: feelin' a little better
:: Music: Foo Fighters - Everlong (acoustic)
come down and waste away with me
Today is my last day of suspension.
I miss the girls.
We definitely have to get together sometime guys. And Brittni, I work like fucking, 3 seconds, away from your house and you can't even take 15 minutes out of your day to visit me?! Haha, I see how it is. And where the hell is Brent?!?!?! I think yins are all making him up to TORTURE me! Haha...
Chelsey.. I did see you and Dannielle the other day, but my mother did not stop, despite my attempt to jump out of the window.
Entries from my notebook:
September 9, 2004
Lately, nothing goes right. As a Christian, I know God does everything for a purpose, but I don't understand why atleast one thing can't go right...
Yesterday was a bad day.. up until I smacked some kid in the balls. That was funny, definitely turned a good day into a bad day. It was the only thing that has made me laugh in a while, actually. Today, I got suspeded for it. 3 days out.
All I seem to do is cry. I can't eat, because I have no appetite. That's really strange for me to say, because I'm really fond of food. Everything is destroying me.
The other day, I couldn't stop crying at Jenevieve's--which is why I don't like to go out anywhere anymore. Jenn gave me a valume. It helped a lot. Jenna laughed at me because of how well it worked and called me Miss Valume. I ate that night, and I didn't throw up.
I am on my way to the doctor's. We're going to find out what's wrong with me, but I know what it is.. I'm crazy.
September 9, 2004
Me and my mom went to the doctor's. I felt like an idiot, because I couldn't stop crying the whole time. I had to get x-rays and my blood tests are tomorrow. The doctor told my mom that he wanted to put me on anti-depressants.
My mom told me to write everything down in a notebook, and never let anyone read it... this is just the same.. and it's good enough.
I don't know where to being, because there's not one thing right, right now...
...and i'll finish up another time, right now, I gotta go...
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::
2004 13 September :: 9.49 am
:: Mood: not so much miserable anymore.. but still have hur
it's just my luck to end up getting stuck to everything that you are
well.. i have a bit of a vacation, no school for me, i don't have to deal with anyone, and there's no drama.
i go to work, and that's about it. i sleep a lot.
i don't have my cell phone, so if you really need me, call my house, if not, just.. leave me alone.
i don't feel like getting online for a while, so i probably won't be updating this for like a week.
I have been writing in a notebook, and next time I update, I might transfer it into here.
i have to go now though, bye.
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::
2004 7 September :: 4.57 pm
:: Mood: still completely miserable
:: Music: Spill Canvas - All Hail the Heartbreaker
it's just my luck to end up getting stuck to everything that you are...
I am just adding a few other things...
As most of you know, I can't stop crying.
I cry all day in school, and there's nothing I can do about it. I can hold it back for a total of 10 minutes.. about that's about it... i can't hold it in anymore.
if you happen to see me cry.. don't say anything.. just.. pretend like i'm not crying.
pretend like everything's normal.
no, i don't want to talk about it.
no, i can't just forget about it.
if i don't have him, it doesn't matter what else i have, and i don't care what you have to say.
i'm sorry for sounding rude, i don't mean for you to take it personally, but this is how i feel...
if you want to help me, just go on talking about something ordinary, and pretend that i don't look like an idiot, with my bright red nose, and smeared make up.
..well, that's for future reference.. just in case i DO cry all day again.. like today, and friday... when i'm not crying, i'm extremely angry, and liable to snap at any given moment.
what if i ripped your heart apart at the seams? maybe then you'll know how i feel...
yeah, fuck school, fuck life, fuck this.
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::
2004 7 September :: 4.21 pm
:: Mood: miserable.. completely miserable...
:: Music: Good Charlotte - The Day That I Die
I swear, the happiest day of my life is the day that I die...
On Sunday after I last wrote, I went to work, and then after work, which was at 4, I went to Jenna's, and we left and went to Jenn's house to pick up bud.
Pretty long drive just for bud, I might say, but it's cool, because Joey and his friends came home with us, and Joey's hott, so.. haha. (p.s. joey is jenn's brother)
But anyways, we get back to jenna's house, and cody was going to come over, because I was supposed to do something with him, originally, and then Jenna said he could come too.
But then.. he is trying to find a ride, and Jenna says he can't sleep over.
He gets mad, and we get in a fight.
He "screwed over his friends to do something with me" and now i say he can't stay over there. i asked him if he wanted me to go over there, he got all mad and said there was nothing to do at his house.
He was screaming at me.. and I cried.. and did not raise my voice.
He screamed at me and hurt my feelings x12389234, and then screamed some more.
I cried and he told me to stop crying.
Jenna yelled at me for not having fun.
I was having a panic attack.
Jenna called in Jenn, and Jenn gave me a valume.
I sat there and cried, and then Cody called me back, and told me to stop crying, and that he can talk to another girl and still love me, and that I shouldn't be confused, and he told me that we were doing something tomorrow (yesterday) because we were going to fight.. and I told him I was going to kick his ass.. he laughed at me.. and although I told him how totally serious I was, because I was liftin', he still laughed at me, told me he loved me, that he would call me tomorrow (yesterday) and to have fun, he was going out with his friends.
I did have fun, besides the fact that the valume kicked in, he was so nice.
the next day, jenna got ready to go over her grandma's, and she dropepd me off at cody's.
me and cody sat around, ate, sat around, talked, and then took a nap.
haha i walk in the house, and stacy says, "i think he is high, go look at his eyes, and tell me what you think.." i go in, Cody's washin' dishes, and boy does he EVER look high as all hell.
He had a "derrr duuuhhh" look on his face, and if i were to ask him something, he'd look at me like, "huuuh??" for a second, until i repeated it slower.
I told his mom he looked pretty normal to me.
..hahahaha.
We had a big talk, during our nap, somewhat in our sleeps and mumbles... and uhh yeah he didn't know what he was talking about. he confuses me. he told me he didn't have sex with her, and that he doesn't like her, and he loves me, but he kissed her, and he isn't really "talking" to her, and that he just talks to her sometimes.
..uhm, sounds like bullshit to me, but okay.
then today, he wasnt at school, i called to wake him up, but the faggot missed his bus.
so.. anyways, i cried all day. not because he wasn't there.. but because everything builds up inside of me, and it's hard to pretend that everything's cool for soo long. it's hard to be fake, haha.
before homeroom, some girl came up to me and told me something that pretty much made me throw up, and i did throw up, about 7 times throughout the day.
But anyways, she wasn't there today, because she caught MY cold.. you know, the one me and cody keep transferring to eachother?.. well the bitch caught it and was too big of a pussy to come to school. suck it up, bitch.
anyways, i know i'm going to end up snappin' in school and pushing her over and then walkin' away or something like that.
i can't help it, abby told me that she warned her i was crazy, and if the bitch never met a psycho she's going to awfully soon.. if there's one person that can, literally, drive me crazy in the world.. it's him.. and i can't help it.
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::
2004 6 September :: 10.00 pm
:: Mood: eh, i'm livin'...
:: Music: All Saints - Neva Eva
goin' insane.. my heart aches...
um.. life sucks.
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::
2004 5 September :: 10.31 am
:: Mood: just woke up
:: Music: The Postal Service - Nothing Better
can someone please call a surgeon,
who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart
...that you're deserting... for better company...
Okay, well I'm going to update.. and it's going to be hard, and I'm going to try to remember what has been going on...
The last time I wrote, it was the beginning of the week, first day of school, Monday, and I went over Cody's.
Tuesday... i went to school.... i worked.. and it was so busy, and I was working by myself, and I was exhausted
Wednesday... i went to school and then i had off, and so I went home with Cody.. we sat and talked to his mom for a little bit, and then she said she was going over Amber's.. or his grandma's.. so she left.. so we sat downstairs and watched t.v. and then we took a nap for a long time.
my mom called and told me she was coming to pick me up, so i woke cody up, told him i was leaving, and he gave me a very big hug, and then i left. that was about 8:30.. so.. i get home about 9:00, and he calls me at 9:30 and we talked for alittle bit, and then i asked him when he finally woke up.. he said he was up ever since i left, he was just laying there.
Then blah blah blah, he said he'd talk to me tomorrow in school. I asked him if he wanted me to call and wake him up (becuase I do every morning, to make sure he is up for school) and he said he was already going to be up becaue he was meeting Toby, but that I could call anyway.. if I wanted. So i told him I would, we said good night, and he told me he loved me.
So.. I went to sleep.
Thursday.. I went to school, and it sucked.. and then I had to work, and I can't remember how that went, exactly..
Friday..I had off this day, and i went to school, and it seriously sucked. i couldn't stop crying all day, and it was awful.
and then after school i went home and went to the mall and stood in the AT&T line for about 2 hours, just for the fucking stupid ass lady to tell me she can't do anything about my phone, and i can't get a new one because of the promotions on my contract. So.. I got a new shirt. And it was like 25 dollars. And then me and my mom got books.. and then we went home.
Then... Heaven called me and asked if I got 5 on it, so she picked me up. Me, her, and Tatar just chilled. At one point, Marcie calls and she is stuck at Val's, so we picked her up and she is with Christine and some other girl, and we take them to the bank to give us $10 and then to Port Royal to Christine's house. I slept at Heaven's house, well actually, I like, passed out on her couch, but for the most part, me her and tatar talked the whole time. ..at one point, Ashley Schmidt and Kaleigh/Kaylee(?) Farmer came over and chilled for a little bit, but then Heav took 'em home.
Saturday.. we woke up and she took me to Sarah's. Me and Sarah chilled and then we walked to Brewer and chilled with my mom and Shawn. And then we left, went home, I got ready for work, we went to the bank, it was closed, so we went to Brittni's, and my mom dropped us off. Renette took me to work when I had to leave, and work.. was.. ordinary work.. and then at 9:30 about 50 people (no exaggeration) came in after a funeral. they were all happy and jolly and eating and laughing and yelling... and making a mess. so.. we were supposed to close at 10.. no.. we closed at 11 last night.
Today, Sunday, September 5
I have to work from 12-4 today. After work, I am going to go over Cody's, and then we have plans to go to Jenna's,and then sleep over there.
No school tomorrow.
Anyways, i gotta go, start getting ready for work, it's already 10:45... peace.
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::
2004 30 August :: 9.48 pm
:: Mood: happy.. for once
:: Music: Foo Fighters - Everlong (acoustic)
come down and waste away with me
Okay so school blows and that's all I have to say about that. The only reason I will ever go back is because of my whole Productive Pothead plan.
Chris is taking me to school in the mornings, so that's cool of him, I have a ride now and all, I just want to find a way home.
Breathe out, so I can breathe you in...
Anyways, so today was my first day in school.. and Brittni told me, also today, that this Brent kid wants to meet me. Hmm.. he sounds very pretty so I think I will.
Today I sent Cody a text message and he called me and asked me to do soemthing, instead of going out with his friends to oplay basketball.
I went over and we watched Knockaround Guys... then my mom picked me up and I came home and he went to bubber's.
After work on Friday.. I went to Alicia's with a bunch of other people. Alicia and Dan fought. Me and Heath talked. Sarah got pissed.
*talk talk talk*
Heath-"Sarah, what time did you say you had to wake up in the morning?"
Sarah-"yeah fuck you."
..Sarah had to wake up at liek 7:00am because Ryan had to leave to get ready for work, and she was pissed because 6:00am came around and me and Heath were still talking.
The next morning Heath dropped me off at Jenna's house but she wasn't there.. or so I thought... so I went and walked to Sarah's house really quick.
She was sleeping, so i woke her up and started our day together.
We put all her dolls back in her curio cabinet, and then got ready. Heath came over. I pulled something in my back and couldn't move, so I had to lay on an ice pack for 10 minutes. We went to Wendy's. We came back. We started watching a movie, and then we got ready and Heath picked us up.
We drove to Monroeville, as long as it took, and went to Chucke Cheese's..
..and then they kicked us out.
...because we were too young.
Yes, you have to be 18 to get into that place, and those bastards wouldn't cut us some slack. We were so pissed. We got these people to pretend we were with them. Didn't work. We went outside and found a family, adn they were sooo nice, and they said we could go in with them!
The guy was so smart, and tried to make the people think we were with them. But the bitch started questioning us. She asked all these questions, and for the man's I.D.!
We decided we weren't going down without a fight, and we would get the cops called on us.
...eh.. and then we went home.
Well! Actually we went to the mall! And what a beautiful mall it is! Yeah, and all we did was sit there and eat. And then we went to the drug store, and then the bathrooms.. and then we went home. Sarah went to Alicia's, and Heath dropped me off at Jenna's.
At Jenna's, we had soo much fun. It was me, Jenna, Adam, Jenn, and Jared. Two words: Gravity Bong. Jenn cracks me up. She was so messed up that we were writing a conversation down on a peice of paper, passing it back and forth to eachother.
I went to sleep.. pretty much passed the fuck out. I layed down and I was out, I could barely move.
I woke up early the next morning and sat and chilled with Jared, Jenn, and Betty. Jenna woke up and came out and we all sat and chilled, but then my mom picked me up.
We went shopping, and then went to WalMart.
..and then I went to school.
School blows. Cody told me I looked like a leprechaun... which was rude.. even if he was joking. I saw Megan!! and we gave eachother hugs!!!
Two words for my pre school class: Scary Mouth
..haha yeah.. Scary mouth rules.
Anyways.. yeah my classes are fucking ridiculous.
But anyways.. The Assistant is on, and I've grown to be addicted to this show.. so peace..
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::
2004 27 August :: 1.11 pm
:: Mood: kinda sick..
:: Music: Nirvana
everything is almost normal.. besides the fact that nothing is normal...
Anyways, well, I have to get ready for work in liek 10 minutes, because it's already like 10 'til 3, so this is gonna be a short one.
I was originally going to write in here a lot earlier, when i woke up, but liz woke up .2 seconds after i got on and she kicked me off...
i only wanted on for like 5 minutes! *sad face*
Yesterday I had to go out with my dad for my birthday. We went to the bar at the Baltimore house and ate Lobster Bisque and Steamed Clams, Raw Oysters, and Shrimp.. what we always get. Karen, of course, was with us, and she ate like cole slaw or somethng gay.
He gave me $200 to go shopping for school, we were there for like 3 hours, and then he took me home.
I got home and watched the game a little bit more, and talked to Cody on the phone a little bit.
I was going to go out with him but for a little bit, but it was too late, and i really didn't feel like it, he persuaded me, and i was going to, but then he said he couldn't come get me, and all this shit was goin' down and it was really crazy, and i didn't know what was goin' on, just that it was somethin' big, and he would tell me later, but i couldn't tell noone.
well.. like an hour later, i called him to tell him i was going to sleep, and asked him what he was doing tomorrow, and if he wanted to do somethin' after i got off of work at liek 10.. he said he didn't know and that he was going to be in trouble. when i asked why he said he was sitting in a cop car, and that a bunch of the important stuff that i cant say anything about, got really big, and although he didn't do anything, he was sort of, in a way, involved. Damnit. Remind me not to ever leave him alone again. I seriously am good for that kid. He needs me. I am like the only thing that keeps him out of trouble nowadays.
So.. I was all worried, and he told me he'd call me when he got home, and i told him to MAKE SURE he called me as soon as he could. he told me he loved me, and that he'd talk to me as soona s he could. we got off, and i was all worried.
i watched t.v. until i was able to fall asleep.
Ludwick woke me up at 7:00am today and I swear I am going to murder her for it. I was soo tired and she was like, "ohhh i'm sorry! did i wake you up??" yeah no shit you did, you fucking idiot. haha but i stayed awake a little bit and talked to her, she went on to tell me about how much fun they all had last night.. which, is pretty upsetting, because i wanted to be there.. it's not like i actually WANTED to go out with my dad...
So anyways, I went back to sleep and Jenna called and woke me up at like 11 (nice friends i have.. haha), she asked me if i wanted to go swimming over her dad's with her.. but it didn't work out because we didn't have a ride for me to get there or get home, so instead we jsut sat on the phone and talked a while about drama, drama, drama. the same old shit.
Anyways...
We're ripping apart our bathroom right now, and I have to get ready for work soon, but first i want you all to read this...
lilbill917: i ad this dream that like.... i was drunk, and like after i came home fom lindseys, i wen tout with my brothers friends and somehow i ended up in a car with ryan marovac, and i thought he was my ryan, and like i get out and dave surovchkas at this palce with all my brothers friends and theyre laiughing
lilbill917: and im like what and jesses like get in the fucking car ill tell u when we get home
lilbill917: and i was like I WAS WITH RYAN
lilbill917: and hes like yea... thats not fuckin ryan, ryan drumoped u
lilbill917: i was like why
lilbill917: hes like cause you stuck that toy train up your ass in front of everybody cause you were so drunk
lilbill917: i was like =-O =-O
lilbill917: and the whole dream pepole were laughing at me and my dad was like so disgusted
lisa3019: hahahahahahahahahahaha dude thats so funny
lilbill917: an like when i woke up, i was like OMG I HOPE THAT DIDNT HAPPEN
lilbill917: so i called jesse anad asked if he seen me today and hes like no u fucking idiot dont call me
lilbill917: i was like phehheew
haha.. now tell me, isn't that hilarious?
Well.. anyways..
I had a dream, and Sarah was in it, but I can't remember what it was I just remember she was there...
It's time for me to get ready for work now, so I'll peace out.
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::
2004 25 August :: 8.53 pm
:: Mood: sick.. still
:: Music: LL Cool J - Headsprung
and we bout to get headsprung
Well, yesterday I called off work cohs I was sick! *mad face*
And today.. I'm still sick!
My throat doesn't hurt that bad today, but my head is KILLING me, seriously, and it hurts to move.
Yesterday Cody called me.. and blocked his number.. and we talked a little bit and then he said he was gonna go take a shower.
He got on the internet, and we talked for a little bit, stupid shit, and then we got into really talking, and it was a big whole long conversation, and it pretty much went nowhere. But yeah, that's how it's going with all that.
Yesterday I spent the day, sickly, with Jess, talkin to her while she packed. It was sad. We talked about a whole bunch of stuff though, you know us, always talking.
This is what I have in my info to her:
My Jessica,
I have full confidence in you, and know that you will do great in college and have a successful life. Keep in touch with everyone you love, and everything will be fine. Don't worry about the people that put you down, instead, always remember those that love you, and don't forget that I am one of them. I wish you the best of luck, and hope you have the time of your life.
I will miss her, *sad face* but she said we can visit her, and she's allowed to have overnight guests and stuff, so that's pretty cool.
Yesterday was Covol's birthday, she doesn't read this though, or else I'd say Happy Birthday.. well.. I guess I jsut did anwyays.
Mami,
Shake that sexy body,
I just want a nasty girl!
Now tell me is that nasty girl you?
(I can love you long time!)
..haha yeah okay, I like that song, and I happen to be listening to it right now..
So.. yeah i did nothing all day.. because everytime i move my head yells and screams in my ears.
But uh, that's all.
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2004 24 August :: 12.44 pm
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: myyy Postal Service.. it's been a while, I know
I am thinking it's a sign,
That the freckles in our eyes
...are mirror images and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned
And when you're out there on your own, for several weeks it shows, and when you scan the radio, I hope this song will guide you home*
They will see us waving from Such great Heights, "come down now!" they'll say.
But everything looks perfect from far away, "come down now!", but we'll stay.
Okay well, after I last wrote...
I worked all weekend, it was fun.
On Sunday the 22nd, Dannielle picked me up after work and we went to WalMart.
In WalMart, we were looking for Chloroseptic spray, and so we're walkin' up and down the aisles and it was like,
Me: "throat spray!'
Dannielle: "throat spray?"
Me: "yes!"
Dannielle: "where?"
Me: "no!"
Dannielle: "no?"
Me: "yes!"
Dannielle: "yes?"
Me: "where?!"
Dannielle: "there?!"
Me: "no"
Dannielle: "no?"
Me: "yes!"
Dannielle: "where?!?!?!"
..haha but it all went down in like .2 seconds, and it was hilarious.
After Wal Mart, we went to see who was at McDonald's.
It was just a bunch of gay kids and then Chipper was like, "Dannielle, can I ask yuor friend somethin'?" and she was like "NO!" but he ran up to the car and was liie, "can i fuck you?" and i was like "uh no." and we were grossed out and so we left.
she dropped me off at Sarah's and we chilled and went to sleep. In the morning we painted her room and then went running.
Well, we ran for 4 miles and then we got soo exhausted, and we could not move our legs an inch more. So we took turns running underneath one of the hoses in the cemetary, like little kids.
Uhh, we took ahsowers.
We ate a pizza.
Ryan came over, and dropped me off at Jenna's, and Sarah went over hsi house.
Me, Jenna, Jenn, and Adam sat around for a bit, and I did not want to hit anything because my throat was sooo sore, I woke up with a really sore throat.
Adam left. Me and Jenevieve cleaned her mom's car sooo nice.. and then, took showers, and ate dinner.
We sat around, chilled, talked, you know.
Adam came back over, and insisted we were drunk... we weren't.
Definitely weren't.
And then Adam left, me and Jenna ate, watched t.v. and then went to sleep.
I woke up and didn't have a voice.
Also, I woke up to... Jarrod bangning and kickig the door. I swear I heard someone knock, but when I finally woke up and realized there was someone at the door, I was so scared, and peeked around the corner.
Noone was there.
So Jarrod came in the house (through the garage) and said, "thanks for not letting me in, asshole!"
So.. i watched t.v. and sat around, i felt soo sick.
I called my mom, she tried calling the doctor, but there wasn't an answer.
I fell back asleep, and then my mom picked me up, i came home, and here i am.
anyways.. i'm out for now..
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2004 21 August :: 12.52 pm
:: Mood: slow
:: Music: Lustra - Scotty Doesn't Know
Scotty doesn't know
that Fionna and me do it in my bed every Sunday
She tells him she's in church,
But she doesn't go,
Still she's on her knees,
and Scotty doesn't know!
So don't tell Scotty, cause Scotty doesn't know
Fionna says she's out shoppin',
but she's under me and I'm not stoppin'
and Scotty doesn't know!
I can't believe he's so trustin,
While I'm right behind you thrustin'
Fionna's got 'em on the phone,
and she's trying not to moan,
It's a three-way call and he knows nothin'!
hahaha, and Scotty doesn't know
Parkin lot? Why not! It's so cool when you're on top!
..haha sorry about that.
well, anyways, what i did yesterday was.. mary and delana picked me up and i went to the stadium with them.
It was raining and it sucked. Our umbrella was definitely broke, too.
Renette was there with Allison and Stan, I talked to them a little bit.
Mallory Brianna and Ashley were there, and I talked to them a little, too.
Alecia Horner was there, even though she's not skinny, I talked to her.
Me, Renette, Allison, Melinda, and Delana all stood there for the most part, and talked for a while, even after it stopped raining.
Denn, Chesley, and Brittni came and I ended up going home with them.
We drove around.. got Wendy's.. you know.
Then they took me home since Denn had to have her car home by 11:00.
I played Madden2005 all night, I took a break to watch some Good Fellas, and then I played some more!
I fell asleep, and I slept good, because.. well.. because.
And someone, I think, just drove up my driveway, and I'm in underwear and a tanktop (they match)... so.. i'm about to see who it is...
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2004 20 August :: 1.16 am
:: Music: Toni Braxton - Unbreak My Heart
Unbreak my heart, say you love me again...
no bentleys, cadillac pimpin'.
...Haha. I haven't heard this song in sooo fucking long, it's unreal. Liz sure has a wide variety of music. I love it.
Well, it's officially my birthday. Thanks (in order of wishes) Britt, Aaron, Liz, Sarah, Jena, Brooke, Ashley Zenyuh, Mal Boscan, Mollyjade, Chelsey, Nessa, Bobby...
If I forgot you, I'm very, deeply sorry. I really am thankful though.
So.. I have a bet with Sarah going on. $50 Cody forgets my birthday and I don't get a phone call.
I spent tonight on the phone with Aaron. I haven't talked to him in sooo long. He has to go to school in the morning though.
It's my party and I'll cry if I want to,
You would cry too if it happened to you...
Nobody knows where my Johnny has gone,
But Judy left the same time,
Why was he holding her hand when he's supposed to be mine!!?
Play all my records, keep dancing all night,
But leave it on for a while,
'Til Johnny's dancing with me I got no reason to smile...
Judy and Johnny just walked through the door like a queen with her king,
Oh what a birthday surprise,
Judy's wearing his ring!!!
Judy would get her ass beat if it happened to me... at myyy fucking party?!? i don't think so...
Anyways, im out a things to say, so peace.
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::
2004 19 August :: 9.43 pm
:: Mood: worn out
:: Music: Maroon 5 - She Will Be Loved
you come back and catch me everytime i fall...
Today I woke up (unwillingly) around 12:00.. after I reset my alarm clock like 34875345 times.
I got all ready and then I went to the school with my mom to pick up my work permit.
We came home and I got even more ready, and my grandma picked me up to go shopping, because it's my birthday tomorrow.
So.. I got a nice, soft baby blue outfit at Kaufmann's, and then I got some new blue K-Swiss... we went to Body Central and I got a green plaid skirt, a pink purse, and some necklaces.
I'm not having a birthday party, as most of you know. I might have one in the middle of the school year, maybe.
Me and my grandma ate at Ruby Tuesday, I got a cheeseburger and some fries and it was really good and I got REALLY full, so i took the rest of it home, and I think Shawn ate it.
As soon as I got home, I rushed around to get ready for work and then at like quarter after I left.
We got there about 4:30, and they showed me everything I needed to know, and I worked from 4:30 to like 9:30.
It was fun.
I don't work Friday but I work Saturday from 4-10.
I'm going to copy down my schedule and it's more for me than it is for any of you, so incase I lose my paper (which I probably will), I'll still have it saved on here, so...
*just skip down past this part...*
August
Saturday the 21st....... 4-10
Sunday the 22nd......... 4-9
Tuesday the 24th........ 5-9
Friday the 27th............ 4-10
Sunday the 29th.......... 4-9
Tuesday the 31st......... 5-9
September
Thursday the 2nd......... 5-9
Saturday the 4th.......... 4-10
Sunday the 5th............. 12-4
Friday the 10th............. 4-10
Sunday the 11th........... 4-9
...okay on another note:
**School starts pretty soon, not this coming Monday, but the next. Monessen starts this coming Monday.. that sucks. Haha, love yins!
I'm actually gonna try this year in school, I think. I know my priorities haven't been too straight this past... life.. but I really have a good mind set this year, and I think I'm even going to do homework.
My Birthday is tomorrow, as most of you know. I'm not excited.. except for that I get to play madden aaaalll day. That's probably the only thing I'm looking forward to on my birthday. I don't have any plans to do anything, or anything. I don't even work til 4:00 on Saturday, so I can stay out and party if that's what my little heart desires, but I don't have any plans, so it looks like I'm staying home this year..
Anyways, I think that's about it for now. I'm out, later.
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2004 19 August :: 2.12 am
Shania Twain - It Only Hurts When I'm Breathing
I hope life's been good to you since you've been gone,
I'm doing fine now, I've finally moved on,
It's not so bad, I'm not that sad,
I'm not surprised just how will I survive,
I'm over the worst and I feel so alive,
I can't complain, I'm free again,
...and it only hurts when I'm breathing.
My heart only breaks when it's beating.
My dreams only die when I'm dreaming.
So I'll hold my breath to forget.
Don't think I'm lying around crying at night,
No need to worry I'll be alright,
I've never looked back as a matter of fact,
...and it only hurts when I'm breathing.
My heart only breaks when it's beating.
My dreams only die when I'm dreaming.
So I'll hold my breath to forget.
It only hurts when I breathe
...okay if that song doesn't tell it all, i don't know what to tell you, because you must be fucking DUMB.
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2004 19 August :: 12.54 am
:: Mood: busy
:: Music: Sugarcult - Memory... Shania Twain - It Only Hurts When I'm Breathing
Lost your sense of fear, feelings disappeared, can I be your memory?
Since my last update...
Thursday the 12th...I was at Sarah's.. I updated when Ryan was over. he left right after they were done talking.
Me and Sarah, sat around, watched t.v., I gave Jesse his favorite shirt for his birthday. My green one that says Shamrock Cafe, and it's my favorite shirt, well, Jesse loooves it, so i wrapped it up, and gave it to him.
We watched t.v. and sat on the computer, and looked the the Periodic Table of Underwear, and then I kinda fell asleep on the couch, and then I found myself, awake, and looking in Sarah's room for my shoes, I wasn't sure why, but I felt tension, and I knew we had somewhere to go.
After I go on my shoes and a hoodie, I walked outside to the car. Lynn came out and I asked what happened, and she told me Jeff was in a car accident and we had to go to Washington to pick him up. So that's what we did. Me, her, and Sarah drove at 3am to Washington to pick up Jeff and Sarah's cousin. They were in a car accident because a deer ran out into the road.
Friday the 13th.. According to Sarah, her and Ryan took me home, and they went to the movies. Sarah Jolley came over my house for a while, and then we went to Alexa's birthday party. 11 marshmallows this year for Chubby Bunny with Lindsey. It'd tradition, but I remember we used to be able to fit in a lot more.
I talked to Ryan for a while because Sarah's a bitch.
My mom picked me and Jolley up after a long conversation with Corey Farmer about marijuana and the kind of person I am, and that I don't seem liek the kind of person that I talk like I am.. but.. I am whoever I say I am, cause if I wasn't then why would I say i am?... Haha sorry I got all eminem there for a minute. Anyways...
We went back to my house and stayed up all night.
Jolley went to sleep (after freaking out because it was so late and she had to get up early in the morning) around 5:30am, I went to sleep about an hour later.
We woke up at like 2:00, and we took her home at liek 2:30.
Saturday the 14th...
Sunday the 15th..
Monday the 16th..Lynn Ludwick's birthday!
Me and Sarah woke up and, of course, played Yoshi!!! After an hour of that, we walked to the Country Store to buy her mom a present, because she was about to come home from work on her break, and it was her birthday. So... we walked around that stupid store for the longest time and then bouhgt her mom something that was at the front of the store. It was an Uncle Sam. We took it back to her house. We cleaned her whole room, and got ready to paint, all that good stuff, cleaned off her dresser and everything... then Meagan and Jesse came home and me and Sarah watched The Shining, Ryan came over. After the movie, me, Sarah, and Ryan went downstairs and played more Yoshi and then Corey called me and I talked to him for a long time. Ryan went home, and me and Sarah sat around for a while.. and then we went out partyin' with Nick Maise. A last, good-bye, break-the-rules, party. We went to Cip's house and sat for a bit and then Nick took us back to her house. We went downstairs and casually drank a couple beers, but didn't get drunk. We watched t.v. and fell asleep.
Tuesday the 17th..Cody woke me up by calling my phone at like 9am. I don't know why he called. I don't even remember what we talked about. He said he was waitin' for his P.O. to come to his house 'cohs he had community service all day. We talked for like an hour until she came and then I went back to sleep. That was the last time I talked to him, he doesn't love me anymore, hurt. feelings.
Renette and Brittni came over for a little bit. We all sat on Sarah's porch, and then we decided to go to Nick's house. We sat outside Nick's house in Renette's car for hours and just bsed. We went to Wendy's and then Renette dropped us back off at Sarah's house.
Me and Sarah got ready, and after MANY, MANY phone conversations, Scott and Mudge picked us up. We went to Bill's and hit some balls (haha), and then we watched a Deck Hockey game; BV vs. Monessen, haha, figures.
Chelsey, Denn, and Britt came, and sat with us for a little bit.
Drama, drama, drama, and then me and Sarah went to the park with a bunch of Monessen boys.
Denn, Brittni, and Chelsey picked us up and we all went to Renette's house.
We sat on Renette's porch for a while.
Drama, drama, drama, and then me and Sarah went to McDonald's with Denn to yell at Bobby.
Drama, drama, drama, and MORE drama, and then we went home and decided waht we were all going to do.
Denn took Britt home, and then me, Sarah, Denn, and Chelsey went with Rentte with Mav and Stan to Cam's tree house. haha it was soo nice. oh, and Brumley was there.. with Cam, of course.
We all chilled for a couple mins, and then Denn went home 'cohs her sister came and made her go home, and then the rest of us chilled.
soo funny...
(while drinking Root Beer), Cam says, "This root beer is flat. Root beer is not supposed to be flat. Roots are round. Root. Beer, and the beer is in the ground."
and another...
Cam was supposed to be home at 12:00. 12am rolls around. "Where the fuck is Mav?"-Cam.
"Him and Renette went somewhere"-Lisa
"Where the fuck did they go? I have to go home and Mav has to move the Jimmi."-Cam
"That's where they are..."-someone else
"Well waht the fuck are they in there for?"-Cam
"Maybe they had to "talk"???"-Lisa
"Yeah right, you mean fuck..."-Cam
"Yeah Cam, yeah."-everyone
...about 10 minutes later...
(completely forgetting...)"Where the fuck is Mav?!?"-Cam
"In the truck!!"-everyone
"Stan, go get him!"-Cam
"You go get him, Cam!"-Stan
...Cam walks up to the truck, and opens the door. We're all sitting down by the fire, and we here people yelling.
Cam-"Mav!! You have to move your truck, I have to go home!!"
Mav-"CAM!! Okay!!!! Get the fuck out!!!"
Cam-"Okay... *stands there* ...WELL MOVE IT!"
Mav-"shut the fucking door CAM!!!!!"
Cam shuts the door for a second, and then opens it again...
Cam-"HURRY UP MAV! YOU GOTTA MOVE THE TRUCK!!!"
Mav-"CAM! Are you gonna atleast let us put our clothes on?!?!?!"
Cam walks back down the hill...
Cam-"Why didn't anyone tell me?????!!!"
...Mav and Renette walk down a couple minutes later...
"There you go, impatient"-Mav
everyone laughs...
"What time is it?"-Cam
"About quarter after 12"-someone else
"Okay cool, I think I'm just gonna chill here for a little bit then..."-Cam
Mav and Renette yell, and everyone cracks up, and Cam is oblivious as to what is so funny...
"What? Do you want me to go home??"-Cam
everyone laughs some more...
"Atleast you got it out of the way so you don't have to do it later.."-Cam
"Yeah.. but they can't exactly get back to what they were doing..."-Lisa
Well, it ended up that Mav took Chelsey home and me and Sarah slept over Renette's house.
Wednesday the 18th..Me, Sarah, and Renette woke up and layed around and watched t.v. for a while, and then Renette took me and Sarah back to Sarah's house at liek 1:00..
Me and Sarah sat around, took showers, played Backgammon, Nick came over, Ryan came over, I taught Nick how to play backgammon, we played a game, I went to La Eda's and turned in my applicated. I got an interview and i start tomorrow.. kinda nervous, kinda excited because its something new. Brittni, Chelsey, and Renette are going to come visit me tomorrow, I bet they get me in trouble, haha.
Me, Nick, Ryan, and Sarah picked up Britt and we all went to Round Hill park and played with the animals (especially the BIG, FAT, PIG!!!!!!!! ((that i fed apples)) and the DISGUSTING, DIRTY DUCKS!!!!), and then we went to my house and played with candles and did stupid shit for i don't even know how long.
We took Brittni home, and then Nick dropepd me, Ryan, and Sarah back at her house, and then Ryan took me home, and I've been here ever since...
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2004 12 August :: 8.30 pm
:: Mood: stressed
Well. I'm back, even though I said I wasn't gonna update in a while.
I am at Sarah's house, she is in her room with Ryan for a little bit... they are talking.
I am very stressed lately. A lot is going on with me right now, even though I haven't posted any of it in here, that doesn't mean it's not going on. The best way for me to deal with it is to forget it. Run away.
If I run away, I don't have to think of it as much, I can put on a front so people don't think I am self-absorbed. I help other people with their problems to get away from mine.
I help everyone else's problems seem smaller, but I wish I could just help myself. If someone were in my shoes right now, and they came to me for help, I think I'd tell them to look on the bright side. That's always the best piece of advice. There is a silver lining to all black clouds, and the sun eventually comes out.
I ran into Mrs. Mentzer the other day at Gabes with Danny and Mary. We were trying on ties and trying to tie them. Danny was in the middle of trying to tie mine, and Mrs. Mentzer just walked right up to me and said hi. It was a really nice surprise. She stood with us for about 10 minutes tying ties and fooling around. We saw her car and it was nice to see her again.
Well, anyways, one of the last few things she said to me was, "Don't worry over the people who don't like you. Just think of all the people that really do love you." That was a really good thing to say to brighten someone's day.
Everyone has problems. Not everyone shares theirs. Behind a smile, someone may be crying and screaming for help. Always be kind to others. The phrase, "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you," is always a winner.
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2004 11 August :: 9.54 pm
:: Mood: extremely sad
*double sigh*
Well.. today I did nothing. I watched t.v. all day. I took a shower and then a bath, which kinda helped. Last night I slept naked, which was what helped me then, hahaha. I guess it's the little things, huh? Hey, it makes you feel better, i swear!
Anyways. I called Amanda today to ask her about yesterday and she didn't answer her phone, I left her a voice mail and told her I had to ask her about yesterday, and to call me back, but.. of course she didn't.
Today Cody had community service all day. I sent him a text message at about 4 telling him to call me when he was done. About two hours later I sent him another one telling him it was really important and I'd appreciate it, and I told him I just need to talk to him about something. At about 8 I sent him one saying that considering he never calls, he probably won't, but that i'd really appreciate it, because it is important.
He won't call.
I just have to tell him that I'm done with all of this. I am going to tell him that, he knows I don't tolerate lying at all. We've been through so much, and I've given him chance after chance, but I can only put up with so much. I'm a pretty easy person to get along with, it just doesn't work. I guess I give up.
My birthday is in nine days, but I don't even care. I might have my party here, I might not even have one.
I don't really feel like writing anymore, I wrote enough this morning to hold you back for a week, probably, and it just might have to. I don't know when I'll update again, may be tomorrow, may not be til next week. I don't really care, and I don't really feel so good.
If you would like to get ahold of me, my number is 724-989-2525, and yeah, i'm putting my number out on the internet for anyone to read it... haha i'm not too worried about it. I check my e-mail almost everyday, you can send me one of those at xxlisaxmariexx@yahoo.com , but i don't think i'm going to be spending too much time on AOL.
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::
2004 11 August :: 2.40 pm
:: Mood: hurt feelings major
*sigh*
My computer is broke. It seriously is this time, I don't know what's wrong, nor do I know how to fix it.
I have Windows XP and the other day I defragmented my computer and ran scan disk, all that good stuff, just liek you're occasionally supposed to do, just to keep it cleaned up.
Well, I restarted my computer, and the sign on screen appeared, as usual.
Since I am the only user on my computer, all I have to do is clikc on my name and type my password.. you have to go through this process with WindowsXP, it's not like the old versions where you can just clikc cancel.
Anyways, I typed my password and pressed Enter... "Logging on..." and my desktop wallpaper shows *with nothing loaded* for a split second, and then... "Logging off... Saving your settings..." and it goes right back to the Welcome screen.
I restarted it,
*shut it down and turned it on,
*put it in Safe Mode,
*put it in Debugging mode,
*unplugged my digital camera from it,
*made sure there were no disks in it,
*unplugged it and started it over,
...I feel I have no other choice but to run the refresh disk thing. I am sooo sad. I have so much stuff on my computer that I don't want to lose. All my songs, my saved websites, my personal settings that took me so long to get just right...
Hurt feelings.
Well, anyways, speaking of hurt feelings.
I've been thinking... and I've been thinking of what my catch phrase is. Something that I say all the time.
Jenevieve's is.. "okay you go with that." or "okay we can go with that, and we'll just.. not.. go at all..."
and things liek that. Everyone has their little catch phrases.
Well, after much debate, I think I am most well-known for my, "hurt. feelings." and my sad face, that face i make that goes along with hurt feelings. i also say, whe someone is doing something totally weird, "you okay?" after a moment of staring at them.
I invented that mad face. You know, that AOL made face. I made it at Lindsey Zubritsky once in 8th grade and she peed her pants. Well, not really, but she could've she was laughing so hard. I've done it here and there for laughs, but I'm not really all about it, you know?
Anyways, if anyone has any suggestions on what to do with my computer, let me know.
If anyone can think of anything else I say all the time, it would be fun to let me know. Haha.
Here's for the update:
The day before yesterday, when my computer broke, S.Luddy came over. We looked through my memories, my cody box, and my pictures. We learned about 150 facts about guns and bullets and all that kinda stuff after we read that game Alicia's dad invented. Hunting, Camping, Fishing Trivia. We just sat in Shawn's room for 2-3 hours and learned all the Weaponry ones. Well, minus anything about bows and arrows.
We stayed up aaaall night. We watched 13 Going on 30 and I cried and I love that movie, although Sarah didn't seem that into it. I love it though, it was like, the best movie ever.
I fella sleep bout 9 in the morning. Sarah went home at 1:30 and my mom dropped me off at Brent's. Brent was at football, so me and Mary met Racquel so Mary could give her a cigarette, and then we took showers and got ready and Danny picked us up. We went to Wal-Mart and met some kid named.. well.. I forget what his name was. Rodney.. I think that was it.
We went to Lowes, and then we went to Gabes. We drove around, and then we went back to Gabes.
We saw Nicole and Greene, and Nicole told us Justin is going on hosue arrest and she stopped smoking and all that stuff, and she gave us a big lecture about not getting in the car with drunk drivers, and not doing drugs, and doing good in school, and all that stuff. (Meanwhile, Greene's in the background, "if you ever need any heroine just call me up, I'll hook you up".. hahaha)
I didn't talk to Cody all day and then I thought I saw Albig, and I turned around and saw Cody in the back seat... so.. I called him and asked him where he was and stuff, and he said he was driving in the car, with his mom to the mall. Hmm.. I asked him if he was sure, he said he was, so then we hung up. I sent him a text message that said, "are you sure? because im 100% sure i just saw you, and you were not with your mom"... and then i sent him a bunch mroe text messages until we got back to Mary's house.
We went back to Mary's house and we ate, I called Cody and asked him who he was with... he said his mom and then when i told him i saw him, and he wasnt with his mom, and i thought it was albig's car.. i asked him who he was with and he said "who do you think?".. then i asked him why he would lie and he said he didn't know. So.. I told him it wouldn't make very much sense for him to lie about something like that, why does it matter if he is with albig or not? I asked him who else he was with and he asked "why does it matter?".. I told him it matters because he lied, when there was no reason to.. so something's up, wouldnt you think???... he told me, he can "hang out with whoever he wants, i'm not his mother" and then he hung up on me.
I called Amanda and asked her why Cody would lie. She said she didn't know, and that he was home now, and she just picked him up to do something, and they got gas, and since there was nothing to do, she just took him home. Uh... okay. If that was true.
I called cody back and told him that "it's not a big deal that he was iwth amanda", because i trust him now, and it was a big deal that he lied. lying is not a way to get trust.. and now i dont have any. and he said okay, and that his phone was gonna die, so he had to go. fuck him, hes so fucking gay anymore.
well anyways, we ate and then we watched t.v. and Joey came over and then Frank came home, and then Frank's sister came over to hook back up mary's computer because she fixed it. It took hours and they couldn't get it. And then I went home.
I called Cody and told him that I got him earrings today, that I regret doing, but they might be too small, so I asked him if he wanted to come over today.. he has community service all day. He was sleeping, and I had to keep yelling at him for him to wake up so i could tell him that. and then i told him "since you never call me anymore i guess i'll talk to you.. i dunno" and he was sleeping so i said CODY.. no answer.. CODY! and he said what.. so i said it again.. and e said okay bye. and i hung up... he probably didnt listen to one thing i said considering he was sleeping, but i was still mad, and i still had hurt feelings.
i hate him, this is why i'm never in relationships.. but before i figured out that i hate relationships, i was already stuck in one with him. and now im stuck. i wish i had a guy that was just a friend, that i could just talk to, and that was nice, and wasnt a dick. but no, all guys are fucking assholes. except heath, he told me i was the hottest girl in the world. haha how nice... *blush*...
oh and nick maise, he saved my life one time.
Does anyone know what the safest way to cross a creek is?....
Well i'll tell you.. go straight across.
Now, after a three day storm, that's not so safe, but... it's still the safest.
Me and Sarah learned that on the Hunting, Camping, Fishing trivia game. A little too late, I almost died, but oh well.
Besides that, and a whole bunch of stuff about guns, we learned that Smokey the Bear is a female. We learned that the American War Vets are the real heroes of the U.S.A., and a whole bunch more.
I told Mary we knew a bunch of stuff about guns and she started asking me all these questions that I didn;'t know, because they weren't on the game, and then she said real loud, in the middle of Wal_mart right as we got to Customer Service (the place for cars), "see? you don't know shit about killing people!".. real seriously, and then all these people looked at us and I staretd cracking up.
Anyways, the entrys as long as Sarah's dick, so I'm peacin' out... one.
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2004 9 August :: 3.17 pm
To clear something up...
Unlike livejournal.com, and xanga.com, you may comment in my journal if you are not a member. You may leave it annonymous, or you may add your name. Comments are deeply appreciated. Much love, Lisa.
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2004 9 August :: 2.50 pm
:: Mood: accomplished
Well... I did what Jena told me to do, and I went in Add/Remove programs and deleted a bunch of stuff that shouldn't be there. I restarted my computer, and so far, it's working. I can't say too much for what's going to happen in a couple hours.. but.. it's working.
Attention!!!
My birthday is on the 20th. That's just 11 more days. It's on a Friday, and I'm thinking about having another party.
If you didn't come to my party last year, well, i'll tell you about it. It was at my sister's house by Cedar Creek and there was beer and music, and a big field. There was sex, and marijuana. There were people.. oh there were people.
But it was gay, because I said.
Since she has neighbors, and because of her location, (near the municipal building with the police), we had to come in/leave around 1am, which was no fun. A bunch of people slept over, a bunch of people left.
Anyways. This year... I'm going to have a party, better than ever. Being that my birthday falls on a Friday. The Friday before school (i am assuming) I feel that there is no better time to throw a party.
Now, my brother juhs bought a house in the middle of nowhere on Mikula Rd. it would be the perfect place to have a party because he has a really big yard. Except.. I don't think he is going to be there, and I don't think he will allow me to just use his yard (unless he is cool).
If it were to take place at my brother's house, I don't know where people would be able to crash, if anyone would want to.
Having the party at his house is a big "if", so I'm thinking I might just have it at my house.
If we were to have it at my house, it would be behind my patch of Christmas trees by my firepit. Anyone who would like to stay would be allowed. If it is to be at my house, I will fix up the room outside of mine, so that some people could sleep there.
If you would like to attend, it would be next Friday. Bring anything you'd like, and since it is for my birthday.. atleast a $5 is appreciated.
I will do my best to help out with the drinks, but being that I don't have any money beforehand, it might be a little rough, so it would be helpful if you were to bring what you wanted.
On another note:
I am going shopping tomorrow. and I think I'm taking Sarah. I am going to get a new outfit, coordinated down to the toes. I cannot wait.
*I have a meeting with the school on Thursday the 12th, ugh, which means school is arriving. I have not yet come up with transportation to school, so a little help would be appreciated!!!! I live right on 51 about 4 minutes away... if anyone feels kind enough to scoop me up, let me know*
I am going to be getting my English class switched, as well as my Math. I am going to be taking English 11, and Math 11. I need another credit for English, so next year I'm going to have to pull something together.
I think they denied me World Cultures, Math10, and Biology credits last year, 'cohs of my attendance.
Anyways, no pressuring me to do bad things in the middle of the school day this year! I am going to be on my best behavior *halo shows*, no more leaving school after 1st and 2nd period, and I'm going to put a limit on my "fuck first periods".
This year, I am going to show my (almost) full ability, and maybe even do some homework.
P.S. I am taking Spanish 4, and I'm really excited. Haha, it's my favorite class, and the reason I am anxious for school to arrive.
And on that I think I have completed my entry for the day. I will update when I have more to say. Peace, Love, and Always do your best to.. Keep it Gangsta.
Love,
YMe
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2004 9 August :: 2.03 pm
:: Mood: aggravated
HELP!!!
Grrr. My computer keeps getting pop-ups. Now, I wouldn't be complaining about the advertisements that keep up free websites, but this is ridiculous.
Even when I do not have my browser open, hundreds of pop-ups jump out at me, and I don't know what to get to block them.
Does anyone know of anything that will atleast slow them down? There's hundreds!!!! In fact, since I've started typing this, I've gotten 8 of them.. and it's not like I type with one finger, or look at the keys...
Grr!!! I don't know what to do.. can someone please help me??? They drive me crazy, and they didn't just start either, they've been here for months...
Someone, anyone, please help me. Just leave me a comment or something, it would be a big help.
Thanks,
Y Lisa
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2004 9 August :: 4.41 am
:: Mood: excited and awake
:: Music: kanye west
ahh i found this really really cool site.
i juhs wish i could find the disc for my digital camera so i could take millions of pictures...
..*sigh* i'd have so much fun...
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2004 8 August :: 7.07 pm
fuck a dime, i'm a silver dolla, holla
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