�~[:.L.u.M.i.N.e.S.c.E.n.T.:]~�

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:: 2005 14 January :: 4.17pm
:: Mood: complacent
:: Music: An Original Suite

Taming of the Shrew casting results came today. I'm Vincentio... Not a huge role, but that's ok. 1: Vincentio is a father, which means I'm not being cast by type for every play. 2: I'm in two plays right now, and two smaller roles equals one big one for me. 3: I've already been a lead this year, and I'm a sophomore. My stage presence is actually better than I would have expected (though I'm sad that I don't get to do techie work much... oh, wait, everyone is a techie/actor for Madwoman).

Even greater news came when I read the casting sheet: Trevor is on prop crew. That means Trevor still exists! (That really makes me sound like I'm crazy!) EEEEE!!! I'm so glad he's alive and well and being and so forth. Life can be a prosperous occupation after all.

:: 2005 11 January :: 1.53pm
:: Mood: indifferent
:: Music: "Bury Me with It" - Modest Mouse

yes, I really do exist
Seeing that I haven't updated in... well, I don't know because the school computers won't let me check my journal, I figured it would be good to say something... anything.

The Fantasticks went well (though the audience was extremely small). Winter break also went well. I got to see my sister (even went sledding), and I had an escape from reality for a few fleeting moments.

But now, the return to school has come, and I am again entering the bleak truth of the farce we all live. I'm craving a revelation, something to make me believe there's a salvation. Sometimes it is a wonder that we do continue this life. I still don't have the gut to take it. That would be stupid and pointless. As long as I live, I'm doing something, influencing someone (though that's not necessarily a positive thought)... In short, to exist is to have power.

I keep telling myself that I've become invisible. But somehow, I only believe it behind closed doors. There is no truth in it when the world begins to consume me. I fear my soul is fleeting, keeping away from my potential.

And still, this thing called love tortures me. It isn't enough to live without, and my life is well empty without it. And so things continue to pass me in this world.

I stay perched on the pedestal created for me. I fear the lashing tounges that will strike the minute I falter. I am the monkey in this circus now.

For Madwoman of Challot, I got the part of Pierre. He tries to commit suicide because he was sent to blow up an architect's office. The play is strange to begin with, and the character certainly parallels that.

I tried out for Taming of the Shrew yesterday, and I have a feeling that I may well get cast (not that the 30 males necessary was any indication). Honestly, we don't have many people who can speak Elizabethan with relative ease. Such is the life.

I think I'm going to retch.

Jessika

:: 2005 9 January :: 6.59pm
:: Mood: grumpy

Small, simple, safe price.
Rise the wake and carry me with all of my regrets.
This is not a small cut that scabs, and dries, and flakes, and heals.
And I am not afraid to die.
I'm not afraid to bleed, and fuck, and fight.
I want the pain of payment.
What's left, but a section of pigmy size cuts.
Much like a slew of a thousand unwanted fucks.
Would you be my little cut?
Would you be my thousand fucks?
And make mark leaving space for the guilt to be liquid.
To fill, and spill over, and under my thoughts.
My sad, sorry, selfish cry out to the cutter.
I'm cutting trying to picture your black broken heart.
Love is not like anything.
Especially a fucking knife.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Yeah. I am loving those lyrics by the Used right now.

I have no one to talk to >_<

chuckitatthewall

:: 2005 2 January :: 1.47pm
:: Music: The Doors

HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I"m not really sure why I'm writing in here right now. I dont have much to say. I have to do this stupid ass english paper and its so fucked up and I've been working on it for 3 hours now and I've gotten 2 paragraphs done...2 short paragraphs. I

The weather is nice. Its been rainy for almost a week now but now I'm wet because I was just outside not doing work. I dont like being wet after I've gone in the rain. It feels gross and cold especially when its your feet. Wet socks are so annoying. My feet are cold.

I'm sad today. Tomorrow is the last day of vacation. DUDE MR. MCCAW SUCKS! I don't like him. Hes nice though because he gives me good grades on things I write. I read through one of them that he corrected and he didn't even mark some stuff wrong that I could clearly see was screwed up. I hate the shitty assignments he gives. I have to fucking write this piece of shit paper that supports that Romeo and Juliet did not have to die. FUCK IT! Who gives a shit about Romeo and Juliet? Do you really think that Shakespeare cares if we analyze his characters and break everything down and disect it and make theories and shit. I think he just wrote plays to get money so he could support himself. In 300 years are we going to fucking give a shit about some stupid ass dude who wrote a really good screenplay for a movie today!? PROBABLY NOT! I think its ridiculous how much we study this stuff.

I need to go and fucking finish this paper so tomorrow I can clean my room which my sister so nicely trashed when she came home. I am shoved into this tiny corner of MY room which includes my bed and dresser. She took over my nightstand, the area in front of my closet so i cant open it, the chest thing that i keep for my sister in my room, and the floor between our beds. Her laundry is everywhere and she smells like weird detergent and perfume. There are cups of water all over my room because she is perpetually dehydrated or something. Her makeup is everywhere too. She thinks she is so fucking beautiful. Yesterday, while everyone was taking down the Christmas trees, she was upstairs taking a shower, doing her hair, and putting on way too much makeup. That girl could put on all the makeup in the entire world and she wouldnt be any prettier. She has an attitude of "Oh, look at me! I am so beautiful with such a massive amount of makeup on that if you put me in 95 degree weather my face would begin to drip off." Its sickening. My fucking dog just farted!

I GOTTA GO!

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LoupGarou

:: 2005 1 January :: 8.40pm
:: Mood: bouncy
:: Music: Aerials - System of a Down

Disneyland and shtuff
HOWDY Y'ALL! I just came back from my favorite place on earth next to Walt Disney World. Disneyland! WEeeeee! *dorkish grin*
Twas mucho fun and mucho crowded.
*GASPUS!* you know what Michael Eisner is doing now?! MULAN II! He can't keep doing this to Disney! I sob. Sob I do. *sobs*
No more sequels! Not unless they be damn good ones! Walt didnt' believe in sequels you know!
New Years in Disneyland was of course packed with people. After the fireworks we had to seek shelter in a photo shop on Main Street and then in an outside eating area for a restaraunt.
We ate in the Blue Bayou, the restaraunt in the Pirates of the Caribbean building. Twas very nice. that one guy that played Harry Osbourne in Spiderman 1 and 2 was there. He walked out with a cast member while we were waiting to get in. I don't think many people noticed him except my mom and me. Well I'm sure they noticed him elsewhere but I meant at least at the restaraunt as he was walking out.
There were a bunch of Japanese tourists there while as well and they were so cute! There was this one group of two guys and I think a girl on mainstreet that looked maybe in their early 20s and they were taking a picture with the castle in the background and when they took the picture they held two fingers up in the "v" for victory sign thingy. It was cool to see because it's the typical Japanese picture thing! ^.^ And it could possible be because I'm just a weird freak lol. My reaction: "*jumping up and down and speaking in excited whispers* lookit lookit! They did the finger thingymabob Japanese cool thingy! view it! They did the finger thingy!"
My parents looked at me as if I was insane, and even my sister talked to me as if I was having problems.
Twas a vunderful trip indeed. We went to the new Hollywood Tower of Terror. Twas mucho fun! I liked the work they put into theming it better in the Florida one, but then again they had less land to work with over here. Twas still very fun.
What pisses me off is when they have those really unenthusiatsic cast members (employees) that are really boring and out of it.
Methinks it would be fun to work at Disneyland because you get the chance to act as well as earn money for it. Well, at least if you are working for themed rides.

Anyway, Christmas was lurvley! Lots of Lurvely-ness!
I went and saw Finding Neverland with my family! Highly recommended movie! I lurve it muchly! Actually I think it's become one of my favorites. I saw it a second time with Ryan and Javier. I wouldnt mind seeing it a third time! Anyone wanna take me? :D

Hmm where was i?

I've gotta stop chewing my nails.

Well anyway, I guess that's all I'll write about right now. Happy New Year to everyone! Kinda hard to believe that 2004 is over and 2005 has started. Sad to think of it, actually. Another year gone by.
And another one ahead.

Oh Lord, help us.

xthistimeimperfectx

:: 2005 1 January :: 4.26am

Happy New Year

xthistimeimperfectx

:: 2004 20 December :: 10.28am

I will always remember this cat:

RIP, Smookey. <3333

chuckitatthewall

:: 2004 20 December :: 6.46pm

HELLO DUDES!
It's finally winter break but it sucks cause in 2 weeks I'll have to go back and be at my school and learn. So now only 13 days before school again. I realized on Saturday that I forgot to bring the book with Romeo and Juliet in it home so I have to find another copy to write the paper. It ruined my vacation.

Today I learned something about myself. Something that isnt so good I guess. I think sometimes I mean to be nice but mean things come out of my mouth and people take them offensively. Then after I thought about it and how mean it was, its too late. I did that again today. I meant that it would be annoying for Jessica to drive to San Jose and not even be here for the Christmas thing but it came out as it would be annoying to have her come. I didn't mean that at all and I feel really bad about it. Why the hell am I so stupid? So yea...sorry to anyone I might have something mean to cause whatever I was trying to say probably just came out wrong.

I saw that a while back I wrote about how pretty California is in the winter. Something changed. Its not as good this year. The hills are pretty green right now cause of the early rain we had but nothing special. It hasnt rained in like a month and half so its making me angry. Also the sun is out so much. I dont care if it rains as long as its all cloudy and beautiful. Jeeze. THis sucks. I'm sad. Christmas is almost here and it doesnt even feel like it. I hate that. It feel like January. THIS YEAR WAS BAD! It makes me angry thinking about it. Good things happened but overall nothing that great that made the year worth remembering. The main thing was getting the house. In some ways I liked it when we rented a house cause that meant we'd have to have every couple of years and I like moving.

Lets see..one really good thing that happened this year was that I figured out that Sarah is a fucked up little bitchy asshole and that I despise her. I hate almost everything about her dumbass personality and screwed up views. Smart people aren't all nerdy. Couldn't she strive to be at least mediocre? Then she's right in the middle.

Ok I'm gonna admit something that I think everyone knows already. I want to be really smart but I just don't put all of my energy and time into studying and being good at school. I put in the minimal amount of work it takes to get B's then when my grades start slipping I put in a little more to get them back up but then I go back to my normal study habits. I know its bad. I've been trying to figure out what I can be when I grow up that requires very little memorization and complicated work but nice pay. My list isn't very long. I think I wanna do something that would benefit other people more than me..not like charity. I'm talking about work that gives me money and still gives other people stuff that they want. Does that make sense? I dunno.

I'm gonna go. BYE!

chuckitatthewall

:: 2004 12 December :: 6.47pm

HEY GUYS!
This week is going to suck. But I will try not to dwell on all the shitty things that are going on. On Friday...I sat home...watching T.V and talking to Jennifer on the phone. Her life is looking up. She called this guy she likes and they are going to the Sadie Hawkins dance which is in March. I can't believe she called him this early but she was so excited that she couldnt wait.
Saturday I....sat home and watched T.V all day instead of doing my homework which I should have. Then we went downtown to get starbucks and see Christmas in the Park. It was fun. When we were in Starbucks there were 4 guys that came in all dressed in black pants, red sweaters, and Santa hats and they sang a Christmas carrol. They were really good. So after they left my sister got up the guts to go give them some money. The guy we handed it to was so nice. He looked shocked and then he took it and said "Are you sure? Thanks!" It was only like $3 but still he obviously didn't get very much money judging by the look on his face.

Ok now I'm going to go back in time. On Thursday we went to get our Christmas tree and we were there when it closed so the guy had to stay late to tie it to the car. He was so nice cause my sister apologized and he said "Awwww. Thats alright." It was really scary though cause he looked exactly like my sister's husband, James. So weird.

Ok so today I went to go get my friends presents and I can't say what I got Louise cause I don't want to ruin it for Jessica. I got Jennifer this Hello Kitty thing because she likes hello kitty. Then I got Cynthia and Grace these Christmas rats. They're really cute. I like them a lot but they are small so I'm going to have to make cookies as well. I was just going to give them candy until Cynthia said "Yea..I dunno what to get you guys." I didn't know if I had to get them anything. Oh well. I did now.
Whoa dude. My hands look all scaley.... lol.

I miss American Dream. OH TO ANYONE WHO MIGHT READ THIS: WATCH AMERICAN DREAMS. IT NEEDS BETTER RATINGS! PLEASE WATCH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JJ IS SO HOT! HOW COULD YOU NOT WATCH IT?
Congratulations to Jessica for the good things that have happened to her on Friday and Saturday!

Well I'm out. Bye Bye

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LoupGarou

:: 2004 10 December :: 6.23pm
:: Mood: ecstatic
:: Music: Rock No Gyakusuu - Miyavi

Okeedokie! Tis Friday! And tomorrow is the Winter Ball! Oh joy in my freaking heart. I want to go, but the whole fancy dress thing is kinda weird for me. I would like to be seen in public as little as possible.

Today was today. Talked a bunch about the Odyssey in English. She assigned each group a god to draw a picture of and write a bit of info on. I wanted Hermes really badly, so she was nice and put him in. Then though, there weren't enough important gods assigned to the groups. Apollo, Dionysus, and I forget who else were left behind unintentionally. When she discovered that there were more gods then there were groups, or at least that the important gods had been somewhat neglected, she said, "We have to take a few off. So I'm going to take off... Hermes"
"NO! Not Hermes!" said I!
She said that she was sorry and that Dionysus and the other dude were more important than Hermes. But then someone spoke up and said that they would take on another one, then another group said they would do the same, and then a third group. They saved Hermes for me!
I was thinking: "Aww. Thanks guys! You saved Hermes for me!"

Twas very cool. Then I felt kinda bad because we didn't take on two gods. But it was very nice of them. I was with Diana in my pair, and the thing about us is that we both like to draw, and it's hard for us to decide what to make hermes look like. We brainstormed the way he would look for a while before we even started attempting anything.

After school I had about an hour to spare, so I went with Erin, Darya, and Kiley down to San Jose State and raided their Jamaba Juice. Stupid people don't accept the gift cards. As we were waiting to cross the street they started talking about that movie "Bowling for Columbine."
"That's a good movie"
"yeah it is"
"I haven't seen it. I really want to."
Michael Moore makes me sick. That fat bastard can go drown in a sea of donuts for all I care. He should spare us all and stop making those movies of his.
But yush. Just a little annoyance of mine.

We got back and I sat outside of Manley Hall (teehee. Fonny name). Nicola came by and said that she was going to email Mr. McCaw, our drama teacher and play directorwith some questions she had. Now, just to catch up, I tried out for the spring musical and got called back. However, the cast list isn't supposed to be posted until monday or tuesday. So I asked Nicola jokingly if she'd ask Mr. McCaw if I got a part in the play because I wanted to know.
The play we are doing by the way, is Joseph and the amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.
A little bit later I went into the lobby and was headed to the library to see what erin and darya were doing in there, when Mr. McCaw came in and called my name.
"Nicola just sent me an email saying that you wanted to know if you got a part in the play."
"Oh yeah," I said and smiled sheepishly. I didn't really expect him to tell me anyway.
But instead he said "Come here." So I went over with him kinda near the beginning of the hallway that leads off to the computer labs in Manley Hall.
I notice he glanced around a bit. "I'm not going to have the cast list posted until probably Tuesday with the way this is going because there are a lot of people to cast. Now, I've gotten your permission slip from your parents, and I haven't received any objections from any of your teachers, so things are looking okay. You can't tell anyone, but you're Joseph."

I was so happy! I mean, when you think about it, I am a freshman, and got the lead of the spring musical, which is the biggest dramatic production of the year. I'm so freaking happy. It's a really big accomplishment for me.

However, I have said that i would not tell anyone at school until the cast list is posted, so Marilyn, you can't mention this to anyone if the cast list isnt posted on Monday.

Yush I am so very happy. I will do a dance of happiness.

xthistimeimperfectx

:: 2004 8 December :: 10.34am
:: Mood: good
:: Music: The Long Song // Marilyn Manson

Wow! o_O
First off, here's a good song:

Clove Smoke Catharsis
Lean against the night and laugh as I try to scale the walls.
Ingnored futility fills the air.
You're only there to watch me fall...
If only pure sweetness was offered,
why's this bitter taste left in my mouth?
If I could catch my breath just to exhale,
I'd know that I held it in to long......
From above comes a faint smile, a new vantage such a view.
Familiarity know disowned.
Just sit and stare as I walk away.

and this is hot!

align=left>
I adopted a cute lil' kitty fetus
from Fetusmart! Hooray fetus!

k so..my week's gonna be good. Well, the rest of it. Tomorrow I'm getting my hair dyed. Then Friday, I'm going to a play with Steph and Eve I think. And then Saturday I'm gonna go to a show for Steph's birthday. <333

Nothing else to say. o_O

5 left their imprint | leave your imprint?

:: 2004 7 December :: 2.09pm
:: Mood: unmotivated
:: Music: "America" - Rammestein

And fireworks shall mark your entrance
As we're going through the opening sequence of the play last night, one of the lights exploded. At first, we all thought B. had added fireworks to the show, but it didn't take long to realize that the light was gone. Basically, the lamp blew up, the resulting concussion blew off the back of the light, and sparks and molten glass and other objects came cascading upon the house... It's being fixed.

Also, there was absolutely no one backstage yesterday... it was strange. Yes, some people were watching the show, but most were off screwing around in the hallway. Needless to say, there will be much yelling tonight.

And, for those of you who are unaware (and decidedly stupid, ignorant, etc.), Woohu has changed its format. How amazing.

I suppose I should put something in about MORP. So:
I survived, Jesse wasn't excessively clingy, the music was OK, and Justin broke up with his girlfriend. Yup, that's about it (and hopefully blunt enough for Jessika's mind).

xThisTimeImperfectx

:: 2004 4 December :: 11.51pm

X-posted from LJ
Would You...

Talk to me for an hour?
Give me a hug?
Hold My Hand?
Go out to watch a Movie with me?
Help me With Homework ehh?
IM me?
Give Me your Number?
Lay down with me?
Take a Nap with me?
Date Me?
Go Out with me?
Kiss me?
Hit Me?
Wreslte?

What do you think of my...

Lips...?
Hair...?
Laugh...?
Eyes...?
Humor...?
Hands...?
Teeth...?
Face...?
Voice...?
Cloths...?
Shoes...?
Personality?
Music?

Do I...

Make you laugh?
Make you smile?
Influence you?
Make you think different?
Help you?
Hang out with you?
Talk to you on the Phone?
Have your Number?
Have it in good with your Folks?

Have you ever...

Thought about me and called me?
kissed me?
hung out with me?
Had inside Jokes with me?
Been to my house?
Ate my mom's food?
stepped on my shoe?
Got pissed at me?
Cussed me Out?

:: 2004 3 December :: 1.54pm
:: Mood: groggy
:: Music: The Christmas Song

Sentries guarding the water hole
Sometimes it's obvious that our rights are being compromised. No, that wasn't a jab at our political leader, though it may as well be.

Mi papi fixed the Internet connection last night, and then decided to Google his name. So, I couldn't get on last night (nor did I feel much necessity to) because there were three million some results for him.

Play rehearsal was... eventful last night. First, we got the lid on our trunk, so our blocking changed yet again. And, because of the way the lid is secured, it also made a few life attempts on us. I was told it almost took my head off, but Mike stopped it (what a guy, eh? :P ). One of our swords broke in the crescendo of action. They're all made of lightweight wood; it was bound to happen. We skipped over about a page of dialogue, but nothing was really screwed up. I almost knocked the sun down, and Bo hit a note much higher than anyone's range (a fluke, but startling nonetheless). Oh, and light and sound were there to observe. Grand ol' time.

So, MORP's tonight, and I'm thinking that it won't be as bad as I envisioned. Jesse's admitted that she can't dance much (leaving me the oppertunity to be social with others...), and we're NOT going to Golden Corral (thank god... buffets are disgusting). Besides, it's only four hours out of my life.

I need to call some of you for ticket purchases. I have to sell for the show, so if you can decide what day you want to go, then I can presell so you get in. Pick a date... Pick two, or come all three nights. Our department needs the money.