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2005 2 August :: 4.23pm
wed. complete hair make over.... get ready.
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2005 1 August :: 4.00am
:: Music: Romance
Odd...Like A Movie
So im looking for an extention cord in the basement. dad says "look behind all those boxes and things that were in the cupboard when we moved in" so i go down there and take all these boxes out and start looking...i come across a smaller sized box and i open it. inside is just a peice of cardboard. i pick it up and theres nothing there, but underneath it is a peice of cardboard with a black and white photo of a small baby in a dress sitting in a wicker chair. the picture is all crinkled and appears to have been spilled on at some point in time by something like a water pipe or someting cause all the cardboard holding it together is warped and cracked. this felt so werid so i picke it up and flipped it over. on the back is some cursive that appears to be a name i cant read. an underline and then some more cursive and a couple series of numbers written across the back...i dont know what it all means but it feels kinda like a movie. like i stumbled onto something of a vault code or a hidden memory from someones child hood. i ask dad if he knows what this thing is... he stares at it and says hes never seen it before and cant say it looks like anyone he knows. so i put it in my room. its sitting there. and it makes me feel really odd. i want to know why its here. why was it left. why alone in a box. why stained. why did i find it. and on my 18th birthday...is it an odd sign of something.?
4 found the love |
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2005 31 July :: 9.05pm
.... yay im alive. im here and thats about it. go me and my amazing inability to be loved by another human being as more than a friend ! Plastic surgery might be the answer? maybe bariatric surgery for my fat fucking ass.... i dont know or i could just be completely inept when it comes to women. either way. im not really bitching cause id do something about it if it really bothered me. so yay useless post once again. wow for being indie i bitch like an emo kid. *writes sad poem* HAHA bitches.
3 found the love |
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2005 31 July :: 12.38am
what a stupid fucking waste of my time....18 and useless. every one who is supposed to love me more than anything else are the ones that make me wanna shoot myself. i dont even want to be alive right now i really hate being this...fucking stop pushing this forward. stop. stop stop....its a good thing that all 3 of the friends i actualyl have who care to listen. are either too absorbed in someone else or too far to ever touch...it falls apart slowly..but it does it with ease.
6 found the love |
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2005 30 July :: 3.48am
PAAAARRRTAY HARRRRDY!
OK, tonight im having my little birthday bonfire. it wont be much. there prolly wont even be smores...cause im cheap. but good music, fire, and friends...can you really ask for more to celebrate the day of your birth...cause i honestly really cant. so i hope you all show up...cept those of you who are not invited cause you suck lol. TEN starts at TEN TEN TEN TEN ok so be there or be [_] ...yeah an oddly open ended square...SHUT THE FUCK UP STACY YOU GET THE POINT!!. ok so who amoung you shall be the first to wish me happy birthday as the clock strikes midnight???? (ETERNAL QUESTION!) love yall see you tonight.
7 found the love |
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2005 29 July :: 8.26pm
a select few will not be welcome at the bonfire...you know who you are so please dont ruin the one day a year i get to enjoy being alive. other than that I CANT FUCKING WAIT TO SEE ALL THOSE LOVELY FACES OF YOURS YOU FUCKS!!!! and by fucks i mean friends u cool kool sinners....yeah i fucking love you guys.
3 found the love |
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2005 28 July :: 11.14pm
i think if i have to label myself i would label myself indie, because i have emo hair but an indie dress style and i love indie music more than emo music. but i bitch like an emo kid, but i have a personality like an indie kid. so im saying im like indmo or something lol. WASTE OF A POST I FUCKING KNOW SO LAY OFF!! if your not a bitch. y not take the time to label yourself and post it here?
4 found the love |
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2005 27 July :: 4.37pm
Sat. Party. My House
ok saturday is my birthday bonfire at my house lets just say it starts at ...dark? anyone know what time dark is lol. rain or shine this party is on. show up hang out burn shit. if you love me come lol. ok cant wait to see you all there.
6 found the love |
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2005 26 July :: 10.11pm
so history gave modern men a telephone to talk to strangers, a machine gun, and a camera lens....thats a fucking beautiful sentence to me. i love it. and right now i need some love...bonnie showed up at my work today...and i had to finish dishes RIGHT as she was leaving...i wouldnt have had to deal with her if i would have taken a little longer with dishes....i cant fucking beilive here. you can only imagine what went down...its times like these i wish i was a stupid fuck like 90% of the men in this town so i could like release my anger by breaking something or punching a wall...but i have to talk to somene to relive my anger. and there no one for miles. i guess my cats will have to listen to me again tonight.
2 found the love |
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2005 26 July :: 2.41am
Ok, arbys ran out of beef....how fucking funny is that. stupid fuckers ran the fuck out of beef. god damn my company sucks. or rather the manager and their ability to MANAGE the company sucks. so yeah today was fun (didnt get out till 1 hour after i was supposed to be out) HAHAHA we fucking ran out of beef thats so fucking stupid.
6 found the love |
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2005 24 July :: 6.37pm
does the touch still feel real? can you even feel his heart beat anymore? are you doing this cause you THINK its what you want. Are you doing it out of pity for him? ... *falls over* (cries, then wispers to self RFB please come home...i miss you so much)
4 found the love |
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2005 23 July :: 7.54pm
This shit isnt any of my fucking bussiness.
But the image is still there. It's fucking learing at me. It wants everything i am, the dirty fucking image wants my heart.
I'm trying my best to resist giving in and sharing how i feel cause i know that i could kill so much. But i think it needs to be killed.
It must die for her happiness.
I have to let it live, let it hurt her. Its her choice
It has to die.
I can't touch it.
What is this thing in my mind. Why is it bothering me. My future is in its hands and they are closing in around me. Squeezing me to fucking tight im afraid to speak up and just say it.
Lift me up.
I can do it without any help...
I'm never going to grow up...
I'll die in this town, while I'm still doing everything i can to leave it.
Irony.
1 found the love |
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2005 22 July :: 7.09pm
:: Music: Everything In The World
Celebrate...
Okay. Everyone who likes me and would care to celebrate my birth, rather than loath the day all together (all of you who loath me are wasting your time) ANYWHAY! Birthday bonfire saturday the 30th of july. i reall hope youll all come. love you guys *hugs* i hope youll come and party down. and hell bring some hot dogs....OMG!, i just realized i have to buy smore shit WOOOT!!!!
2 found the love |
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2005 21 July :: 5.03pm
Stupid fucking christans. first they are a cult, second they make stupid fucking shows for kids that send out messages like the ones below. these are EXACT qoutes from the show. the first and last ones are songs. the middle is a monolouge by someone who looks like Mr. Reyburn....god fucking damnit that show was weird...and what the fuck kind of messages are these. I thought the guy in the mounlouge was gonna say that jesus arose from the grave to kill us all. and say it with a smile...he didnt though, i was rather dissapointed.
"life without jesus is a donut, cause theirs a hole in the middle of your heart"
"all of gods children are called the donut repair men, because we are all here to help your heart feel all better and to remind you that jesus died on the cross and then arose from the grave to free us from sin."
"i wanna be a helper, wanna do all the chores that i can do. I wanna be a helper, causes thats what god wants me to be"
8 found the love |
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2005 21 July :: 3.52am
:: Music: Gorrilaz - The Whole New Album
....
O............................M..................................G
That's honest to god all i can say, fucking god. *drools*
2 found the love |
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