i am soooo fuckin bored
and like, i don't even have ideas of how to get unbored. life really sucks when u have nothing to do. i wanna go to camp like right now. i'm sort of looking forward to las vegas with my dad. i barely recognize him anymore...i just see him so rarely. it bothers me that he's my father and yet starting to become a stranger. oh well. he's bringin his laptob and AIM works on it, so like...wait around for me to be online so i can talk to someone, k? haha fat chance of that.

well the main reason of this post was to bitch about another guy that, by existing, continues to piss me off. yes, it's the flirty fatty again. not that he's done anything annoying recently, he just came online a few minutes ago. well that's pretty much all i have to say. a boring life doesn't make for interesting posts...

graduation today!
i just got back from eating pizza at pizza chicago with some ppl...ugh. i'm soo full! it was fun tho, thanks SOO much for inviting me!

graduation was cool...i didn't really feel anything when i went to get my diplmoma though...nothing like the feeling of walking up onto the stage to get the band and viking awards. oh well.

another thing that's been bugging me is that i can talk to this person online, but like, in person, i feel like we're total strangers. i feel that way towards a lot of people, but its worse for one...i just wish i could do something more in this person's presense than pretend they don't exist... it just seems wrong to after all the stuff we say online.

finding nemo was just okay. other people said they liked it, so maybe its worth it to go see it. i just got bored really quickly...

ugh...its really time for me to call that clarinet teacher guy...I DON'T WANNA! and i don't particularly wanna have a fucked up schedule that i won't like next year either...and mr. ferrucci had BETTER NOT fuck up my schedule... o wait, i can tell mark to make sure i stay in girls ensemble on sunday so i guess it'll be okay...

well i'm really tired...i didn't do anything special today but i'm just sleepy.

now to end with my most strong though these past few days: I WANT ANDREW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

today was really cool! :0D
I GOT THE BAND AND VIKING AWARD!!! hehehe...i'm really happy. but like 15 people got the viking award, so it's not THAT good, but still!! i really really wanted the band one so i'm really happy that i got it! and just to know that the facutly picked me for like an 'overall good student' award feels really good. i wasn't expecting anything, and my mom didn't tell me anything, so i was pleasantly surprised. congrats to all of the other winners!!

okay i just hafta say that this guy is REALLY REALLY good at playing oboe...i want to be this good!! but yeah, so does everyone, and i don't have the motivation to practice...ugh i have to take private clarinet lessons soon, too so i can play in marching band and like KNOW how to play...i am such a bad student when it comes to private instrument lessons...

grad practice was hell today. IT'S SOOO BORING!! i wud rather be bored in a class than be bored outside feeling ugly while being surrounded by the pretty people...i wish i had the motivation to like actually excersise to get skinny...o well.

haha mr. hayman signed my yearbook with something like 'melissa- i just want you to know that you're not through with me yet. i'll be at every single marching band competition for the next 2 years!' haha... and then he was like 'maybe you'll be as good as Jeff (my son) (someday).' yeah right. well i haven't heard him play but if he got a solo in some piece at a concert, he's gotta be REALLY good. i just thot that was funny.

after school today i went to jolie madame to get a manicure and pedicure for graduation tomorrow. as soon as i sit down, kristin rowsey comes in. another few minutes and katherine lynch shows up with katie daw. next comes amanda salisbury and danielle spence. it was pretty funny. besides amanda, i don't really know any of them tho, so it was really embarassing. i sorta talked with katherine and katie when we were letting our nails dry tho. besides that they were all talking sort of and i was just sorta there... o well.

okay do u ever get frustrated that you don't know what to do with yourself and when you do pointless shit like go online and read and stuff you just feel like u shud be doing something MEANINGFUL?? i really do. and its like all the time. unless i'm at horseback riding, i feel like my life isn't like meaningful. or that i'm not doing anything productive. even now, when its like practically summer and you like SHOULDN'T be doing anything useful, i feel like i shud be doing something better than this. it's a really bad feeling.

well i'll go do more pointless shit. o and i have dsl now. not that i can tell the difference... whatever. ya know what i want more than ANYTHING IN THE WORLD? to be with andrew. like a lot. just to hang out with him. i think that wud make me happy. but i mean, that's also contradicting myself. what would we do? what wud we talk about? i don't know how to handle myself... still, i just want him. but the fucked up thing is, i wud go out with nicky gelman GLADLY if he asked me out, and he wud make me happy too. would it be wrong to go out with someone that i wouldn't have feelings for unless he asked me out and clearly showed that he liked me? i bet it is. but is it so wrong to want to be wanted? i mean, really, there is probably only one guy i could name that might like me that i would probably say no to if he asked me out.

well even though i didn't get asked out today (haha duh) it was still a good day overall. i have a feeling i'm gonna have this whole 'i have to do something better with my life' shitty feeling the rest of the evening though...what do you all do to keep urselves busy besides be online? i just like, haven't had free time for so long that i need some tips...or better yet, just invite me over so i can hang with you!! sounds good to me...

just an update on things...
hmm okay. i'll just a lil bit about recent stuff.

happy trails party:
well annie and christina just begged me to let them tell him so here's how they did it: i walked away and chatted with my mom and brian just to do something cuz everyone was there laughing and listening to them. so apparently someone was like 'someone wants to be your cowgirl' and he was like 'ya know, i really don't care' and they were like 'well, her name begins with an m and ends with an -elissa' haha. very creative guys. i'm sorta depressed about the 'ya know, i really don't care' response but idk. maybe its because i/m listening to music, cuz that usually makes even the most emotional things lose their emotion...but yeah. i have a feeling he's still flirting cuz he sorta was at youth group after they told him...idk. last night i was really depressed about the whole thing, cuz now 'the next 2 years of my youth church life will be awkward'. nicely stated by annie, i think. but it might all work out, you never know. i learned that it took like 3 years for kyle and christina to finally get together. too bad i only have 2...:-( it's times like these that it really hits you that people REALLY do graduate and go off to college and you don't see them anymore... IT REALLY SUCKS!! o well. i still like andrew even though things are hella awkward between us now... and i really like my new image of being hella boy crazy and thinking that every guy is hot. finally, christina takes an interest in me. its hard to believe i used to think she was mean, cuz now she's like really really nice to me...

Random Date-Rape-Drug talk, 7th period in the Multi today

okay wtf was up with that? i missed mr. hayman's 'here's how to survive in high school' end of the year major speech for a stupid meeting with a police officer to talk about date-rape-drugs and how we shud be careful. i think i've learned by now that high school guys, AND guys my age (thanks to a lovely conversation i overheard between keith and eric and some ppl at lunch today) are HELLA horny and want sex really helly badly. but i mean, i've learned that already from just meeting some of the people i've met this year, so why make it a huge deal and tell us all about it now? whatever. i'm pissed that i got taken out of seventh period for that... it was weird.

Grad Shopping:
I HAVE AN OUTFIT!! OMG I MUST'VE SPENT LIKE 6 HOURS LOOKING FOR A FRICKIN GRADUATION OUTFIT BUT I FOUND ONE!!! thank God...

Brian:
HE'S A FUCKING RAPIST!! I SWEAR!! I HAVE REASONS TO BE FREAKED OUT THAT HE WUD TRY TO RAPE ME!! how bout i explain myself:

1) in the car to mer's house for the pre-grad night party, i got a $5 from my mom in case i wanted to walk down to baskin robin's after the dance. so, i'm wearing a skirt and a spaghetti strap top and an over shirt thing. no pockets. so i'm like: where am i supposed to put this? i can't put in my bra (cuz i cud lose it...haha...long story that's nicole's to tell, not mine) so i'm like, where else? IN MY THONG? and brian's like: 'sure! i'll show ya how to fold it! you fold it over 3 times, and then hook it around...' and luckully my mom shut him up before he could explain any further. the lord only knows how he found that out...

2) i was talking about how i almost got asked out at grad dance and how i would've said yes. i got sorta carried away and was like 'i would've said yes to almost ANYBODY' and brian was all like 'just a word of advice, don't EVER tell ur mother ur EASY.' i was like ummm WTF??? fatherly figures don't say that. well i know my father definately wouldn't... he doesn't even know i wear thongs...

3) he slapped my butt. no joke. u had to be there to like understand that it wasn't like a sexual gesture, but i mean, hand on ass is hand on ass no matter HOW it was intended.

okay so that's my rant on brian being a total perv. i really hope my mom's being responsible with him...it's kind of scary that i have to live with a guy that bothers me so much... and he's like ALWAYS touching my mom. and totally tried to hella french her in front of me in the car. luckully she was like 'okay not in front of my daughter' and kept her mouth closed and gave him a quick kiss. ick. okay thats all for now. i hafta go ponder how to sign nicole's yearbook...and watch fame. best show EVER!!

ANNNNDDDRRRREEEWWWW!!
omg SO MUCH happened at church today. i made the "mistake" of telling annie and christina that i like andrew and they got all hyper and asked me if they cud tell him. i said no, but maybe at the party tonight. well, they didn't take no for an answer and kept ripping up their bulletins to write him notes like 'you have a secret admirer' and stuff. it was really embarassing as i was like practically sitting next to him. (we were all sitting in the pews together cuz we sang today...) it took him like half an hour to realize that they were trying to hint that i like him. annie finally wrote "are you coming to the bbq 2nite?" and replied "yes." so she wrote "be sure to wear your sunday best and bring a breath mint..." haha. i read it and ripped it up so she wrote another one and threw it to him. i squealed (this was in the middle of the sermon...oops) but luckully it fell on the floor. thomas picked it up and annie was like "it's for andrew!" and i like totally freaked out and told him not to read it. he's such a sweetie, he was like: well melissa doesn't want me to read it... and he gave it back to thomas to read. he finally read it and totally smiled and blushed. but then luckully it was time for the bell anthem so he had to go sit by the bells. and then like after church we were talkin about him and stuff. apparently, at this little award ceremony, when i got my cross (we have lil cross things that we get beads on for like punctuality and performance attendance and stuff), he was like 'go melissa' under his breath really sweetly. AWWW!! okay so i was freaking out and saw him walk into the robing room to put away his cross so i started to tell annie. we were in the kitchen. (okay so this makes no sense b/c u've never seen the inside of my church but yeah...) so i start to say 'go melissa' when andrew comes in through the other door of the kitchen and walks like RIGHT past us as we're huddled around talking about him. i like totally freak out and scream and start laughing really hard. hehe. he's not stupid. he knows. but for some reason annie and david, his bro, are fighting about who's gonna tell him tonight... whatever. its alread basically a date. i mean, annie said to wear nice clothes and bring a breath mint...haha. but the funny thing is, this party has a western theme: "happy trails" cuz its for our pastor who's leaving *sniff* and we all hafta wear western stuff. so i can't really look hot, i'm wearing jeans and my chaps and a cowboy hat... o well. it'll be fun. there's gonna be line dancing and stuff...:0D and i'm sure there'll be tons of drama between me and andrew...haha. shud be fun! only one and a half hours to go till it starts...

i am gonna be soooo pissed...
and i might as well just start getting pissed now cuz i'm pretty sure i shud be. damnit, life just sucks ass sometimes. *sigh* okay now i'm listening to 'let it be' and its helping my mood. although it's depressing too. ha. i just realized i've pretty much been through junior high, and i've still never had a boyfriend or even been asked out. i mean, 'almost' asked out doesn't count. and like non-dates don't count. like that whole playing on the swings in the park incident doesn't count. and like, as i look back on the year, i haven't really improved at all or learned anything much. i still can't sing worth shit, which seems to keep haunting me as it is the number one thing i wanna be good at, and like the rest of the world can sing, so wtf is wrong with me? so like my two biggest things have not improved: boys and music. well i can't say not improved AT ALL...i mean, i've had my moments...like flirting with andrew at the dinner and during the musical, or almost being asked out on the spot in band, or falling in love and letting my heart be crushed in the course of one summer, but like, i still haven't had a relationship. oh well. i shouldn't be complaining, i'm with the majority of my class, i guess. but the singing, goddamnit...none of you have any idea how much it kills me that i can't sing as well as i want to. and i try soo fucking hard. i even feel like i would have a fighting chance if God hadn't given me a fucked up voice with a fucked up break that just ISN'T NORMAL. couldn't He have blessed me with just a tiny bit of talent? oh no, i guess He figured that blonde hair and intelligence were enough gifts for one kid. the talent it takes for a dream to come true is just too much, i guess. i mean, i got into this really great camp at PYT, its called SETT: Summer Educational Theatre Training. We hafta bring a binder and music that we wanna sing and a tape and a tape recorder...it's gonna be a great experience...haha 'e-x-p-e-r-i-E-n-c-e...we're gonna have private help learning an auditition song and stuff...which would be great, i mean, i'll learn SO many new things, and it's an advanced camp anyway, audition only, so we're all gonna be pretty talented...it's just the singing part. definately my weakest in the triple threat...if the 12-13 year olds can sing better than me, i'm just gonna freak. public voice lessons aren't great when everyone's listening to u like...man...she can't sing for shit. hmmm well i feel a bit better. the bad thing that i was ranting about earlier has now turned into a good thing:

Nicole, WE CAN GO TO THOMAS' GRADUATION PARTY!!!! the conflict doesn't exist anymore because the website screwed up and there isn't a concert today...(which means no hug from Yahya!! *sob*) but you get to see Thomas and i get to see Andrew!! :0D idk, i need to flirt with a guy that doesn't go to my school after last night...ooo it might not be as good though, he's really good friends with Thomas, so idk. but he'll still be there...

o and another good thing: if emily borromeo didn't try out for C.O.E., that means christina b. is gonna be eve and i don't hafta worry about the japheth/yonah duo...THANK GOD!! i don't need that to piss me off right now...omg i can find out in like 2 hours!! :-D children of eden rocks!! oooo man in sean kranz gets Father....AHHH!! :0D

okay i'll rant more later...

Louise and Nicole: i'm gonna go shopping so i can't do the three-way phone rant until later this afternoon, k? but I NEED TO HAVE THAT RANT SO CALL ME LATER, K? we agreed on sunday, tho, right? well whatever.

grad dance
well, for the most part it was good. but i'm not sure i'm up to saying anything good about it cuz i'm hella pissed. so here are some bad things:
1) no one danced with me (guys)
2) this pisses the fuck out of me because like 5 guys have been hella flirting with me this past week and i figured i'd have a partener for every dance like i used to...
3) this is irrelevant but WHY THE HELL AM I NOT THE PERSON I USED TO BE WHEN IT COMES TO DANCING WITH GUYS?? it seemed like my whole seventh grade year i had a guy for every dance, didn't matter who, but i always got one...i mean, i even got lucky and random guys asked me to dance...and now, damn...i think i'm a cooler person than i was and probably prettier and i don't get any guys nemore...wtf is up with that? stupid popularity shit...
4) i hella hella wanted to freak and all these people were and I NEED A GUY TO FREAK WITH!!! i kept having that feeling like every single song...i just wanna try it, its something i wud do...and like, enjoy...esp if its a good party and i'm like hyper and shit

okay now sort of a good thing but still hella annoying:
1) i think nicky almost asked me out. will o. has been tellin me to ask him out for like a few days now after band... and then he walked right up to nicole and me after and stood like RIGHT next to me for like 5 minutes and looked at me and like...yeah. exactly like the other guy that almost asked me out. okay now i need to rant about this.

WHY THE FUCK DO PEOPLE LIKE CHICKEN OUT WHEN THEY WANNA ASK ME OUT??? WTF IS UP WITH THAT??? IT HAS HAPPENED TWICE NOW WITH TWO VERY GOOD LOOKING, INTERESTING, BOYFRIEND MATERIAL KIND OF GUYS!!! am i like, hard to ask out? are you worried that i'll say no? cuz i'll tell ya now, i would have expressed it to you some way or another that i wasn't interested if i was gonna say no. and if i haven't specifically made it obvious that i don't like you, i'll say yes. SO DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT!! it just pisses me off even more that u chicken out. and especially if you like deny it afterwords and call me names and shit and say that u were never gonna. cuz i know. i can tell. i'm easy to flirt with cuz i flirt back, and I CAN TELL WHEN U WANT ME. so don't be a bastard and do the frickin denile thing when u chicken out. and most importantly, JUST ASK ME OUT!!!

okay thats all for now. i'm just kinda pissed that i felt sorta rejected tonight...but its my fault. i knew this was gonna happen. i just don't like guys at my school THAT much. in general, i go for older guys, and there just weren't all that many people that i'm interested in there... so rachel pretty much figured me out by the end of the dance. she said something like 'sitting this one out to wait for sexy andrew or ***********?' (don't count the stars, its random so u can't figure out the other name...) so yeah. i guess i was. but i still would have been honored to dance with ANYONE there, and definately would have gone out with nicky. so nicky, if you get my sn off someone and read this: I would have said yes. and there's still one more week of school...

*sigh* okay i feel a little better now. i shud just go to bed. this is sort of depressing...

be afraid of two girls who (sort of) know their musicals...
FPBabe17: new york new york
FPBabe17: it's a wonderful town
Horseeyoregal: no its not
Horseeyoregal: u've never even been there!
Horseeyoregal: sheesh
FPBabe17: well the box is up
FPBabe17: and the battery's down
Horseeyoregal: at least sing about something you know about
Horseeyoregal: wtf is that supposed to mean?
Horseeyoregal: sheesh
FPBabe17: the people ride in a hole in the ground!
Horseeyoregal: confusing musicals...
Horseeyoregal: WTF?
FPBabe17: new york, new york
Horseeyoregal: THAT IS SOO MESSED UP
FPBabe17: it's a wonderful town!
Horseeyoregal: bullshit!
FPBabe17: the subway you dumbass
Horseeyoregal: haha
Horseeyoregal: O I GET IT! I GET IT!
FPBabe17: haha
Horseeyoregal: I GET IT!!
FPBabe17: i dont get the box thing though
FPBabe17: haha
Horseeyoregal: haha
Horseeyoregal: well that parts just a lil screwed up
FPBabe17: actually i doubt im singing the right lyrics
FPBabe17: but NEW YORK NEW YORK
Horseeyoregal: whatever
Horseeyoregal: IT'S NOT A WONDERFUL TOWN
FPBabe17: IT'S A WONDERFUL TOOOOOOOOWWWNN
Horseeyoregal: BESDIES BROADWAY IT SUCKS ASS
FPBabe17: NO IT DOES NOT
FPBabe17: you've gotta pick up a date
Horseeyoregal: BULLSHIT YOU'VE NEVER BEEN THERE!
FPBabe17: maybe seven or eight
Horseeyoregal: yeah i know...
FPBabe17: on your way!
Horseeyoregal: OO SOUNDS GOOD
FPBabe17: in just one day!
FPBabe17: i know
Horseeyoregal: haha
Horseeyoregal: okay i'm liking the song after that date part
FPBabe17: yeah
Horseeyoregal: okay i'm posting this



FPBabe17: i am a pirate kiiiiiiiinng
Horseeyoregal: no ur not
FPBabe17: well moses supposes his toeses are roses
Horseeyoregal: yahya is a pirate king
FPBabe17: but moses supposes ironiously
FPBabe17: moses he knowses his toses aren't roses
Horseeyoregal: well moses apparently supposes some crazy shit
FPBabe17: and moses supposes his toses to be!
FPBabe17: haha
FPBabe17: i want yahya to come be MY sexy pirate king :-D
Horseeyoregal: lmfao
Horseeyoregal: well duh
Horseeyoregal: me too
FPBabe17: well pirate kings go and rape everybody
FPBabe17: romantically
FPBabe17: :-D
Horseeyoregal: sounds good
FPBabe17: yep
Horseeyoregal: he can romatically rape me...
FPBabe17: saaaaaaaaaamw
Horseeyoregal: then gabe can romatically rape me
Horseeyoregal: and then scott can come and ask me out
FPBabe17: ooo
FPBabe17: we can switch guys after we're done
Horseeyoregal: and andrew can like ask me out to the junior prom at gunn
FPBabe17: haha
Horseeyoregal: okay
Horseeyoregal: send thomas in once ur through with him
FPBabe17: ooo yay
Horseeyoregal: so he can sing to me for a bit
Horseeyoregal: haha
FPBabe17: thomas can take me to all the college parties
Horseeyoregal: this is going in too
Horseeyoregal: its funny
FPBabe17: haha ok
Horseeyoregal: haha

FPBabe17: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Horseeyoregal: what?
FPBabe17: WHOOP dee doo dee doo doo
Horseeyoregal: okay u've gone crazy!
FPBabe17: not AH
FPBabe17: AE
Horseeyoregal: wtf?
FPBabe17: mose is a mose is a mose is a toses
FPBabe17: gotta be a toes cuz it rhymes with mose
FPBabe17: MOSES!
Horseeyoregal: what about him?
FPBabe17: he supposes his toses are roses
Horseeyoregal: i know
FPBabe17: AAAAAAAAAAAAAE
Horseeyoregal: like i said before, he supposes some crazy shit
FPBabe17: well it's gotta be a toes cuz it rhymes with mose
FPBabe17: couldnt be a lilly or a daffodilly dilly, gotta be a rose cuz it rhymes with mose
Horseeyoregal: umm yeah
Horseeyoregal: i am a rose
FPBabe17: *tap tap tap*
FPBabe17: really?
Horseeyoregal: sure
FPBabe17: how do ya figure?
Horseeyoregal: omg lmao
FPBabe17: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEE
FPBabe17: ok i'm done
Horseeyoregal: oooookkkkaaaayyyy....
FPBabe17: we've got magic to do
FPBabe17: just for you
Horseeyoregal: just for you
Horseeyoregal: now shut up
Horseeyoregal: i'm done singing for a bit
FPBabe17: ok


sheesh...and sometimes i wonder why people smile and back away from us when we're together... now i understand why...2 8th graders singing and dancing on the ampitheatre after a history final must be kind of intimidating...

MY LIFE IS SOOO PERFECT RIGHT NOW!!

You are Psalms.


Which book of the Bible are you?
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take that quiz if you're at all interested in the bible...the results seem to be pretty accurate. actually, take it if you don't give a shit about the bible too. it's just a good quiz.

mmm ok. so my day was hella hella good. here we go:

1st period: Health. we just talk about high school and leaving and shit and heidi and i take down all of the hot seat cards...(haha i happened to pick up s****'s by accident and i was like OOO I LUV THIS CARD. I LUUUV YOU, I LUUUV YOU! heidi started cracking up...it was hilarious) o and we talked more about birth control. haha i have some good ideas now... o and i was talking to this person who sits next to me and for some reason she's like really close to me in health, idk, ppl just seem to like randomly feel like letting out lotsa private stuff to me, and i learned stuff about her i didn't know... idk, i just felt special because she was willing to share stuff with me...that's always a good feeling.

2nd period: Math. reviewed for the test tomorrow for like 5 mins and then had time for warm-ups. haha...so much for MATH. louise and i discussed a very interesting issue for like 20 minutes. it was a very like...strongly opinionated discussion and we were practically yelling at each other (but like, agreeing) by the end of the period. it was very interesting. i'm sorry i can't go into more detail. but yeah. we're just concerned about ppl and it was good to let it all out, cuz we have different points of view and stuff. haha. mrs. massaro like totally told us to calm down and shut up...we were like, really into this convo...it was good tho.

3rd period: French. discussed portfolio day and how it has been going and stuff. then practice test for the huge verb test on monday...thank God its monday now. that means i dont hafta study till saturday! yay!

Brunch: signed a 'secret' bday card for molly. haha. soo secret. i was like 'so have they given u the card yet? o wait, is it supposed to be secret?' haha. louise gives me this weird look and i'm like whooops... o well. she knew anyway. o and i steal mer's chips and rsvp to her party. YESSS! PARTY ON FRIDAY! PARTY ON FRIDAY!! AHHHH!!! okay i'm a lil overexcited. i don't go to that many parties so i'm happy.

4th period: Science. amanda and i talk while the rest of our group do a soil compaction lab or something. we'll finish tomorrow. we have cat, lauren m, maggie, amanda, and me in our group, so the work'll get done...just not by me...hehehe...

5th period: Band. omg i am soo gonna miss band. although a lot of ppl quit cuz of ms spector and shit, now that we're going through and sight reading all of our old songs, i have all of these good memories of our band and its like SOO EMOTIONAL. i remember all of these old songs and its like...just really sad. beautiful sad, but sad sad too... its an interesting feeling. like i seriously hafta compose myself sometimes in that class during an old song...laughing and crying both. o and then this certain person...o hell he knows who he is: GABE was being like SOOOOO INCREDIBLY SEXY!! AHHHHH! HE CAN PLAY PIANO LIKE HELLA HELLA GOOD AND HE LOOKS SOOO DAMN SEXY PLAYING PIANO!! and that's not even half of his sexiness there's the DRUMS TOO!! AHHH I WANT MY DRUMMER BOY AGAIN!!! AHHHHH! *mel screams every few seconds, causing many ppl to be annoyed with her as the band room is small and screams are extrememly loud and obnoxious* so yeah. i can die now. i have witnessed the sexiest thing ever...gabe at the tympany (sp??) and piano all in one day!!

Lunch: i can't control myself. nicole and i scream every 5 seconds for like 10 minutes. ppl get aggrivated cuz they don't see gabe's obvious sexiness so i get pizza sauce all over my nice clothes for portfolio day. (ppl started throwing pizza at me...haha) i slowly calm down and edge away with amanda to reduce our risk of getting trash duty by the retarted, fat sub that keeps subbing at our school for like every single teacher...seriously, can't the district do better than a stupid ugly fat retarted lady who can't even read? ugh. so amanda and i slowly edge away and walk into the bathroom with katie and jen and someone else i think. we talk about health and birth control and stuff. interesting convo. and we talk about how immature/cool our health classes are. like the ppl. it was fun.

6th period: English. portfolio day. IT WENT HELLA WELL AND I MUST'VE SOUNDED SOO HELLA SMART TO THE LADY I WAS INTERVIEWED BY. hehe. it was really fun too. i got leslie roger's mom. she's really nice. i shared stuff and like yeah. i was grouped with sammi, amanda, and marlon. so marlon made us all look smart, although i hafta say that we ALL sounded hella smart and mature and stuff to her. congrats esp. to amanda and sammi cuz u guys looked hella good: amanda with ur poem...that was awesome! and sammi with that invention....wow! u go girl! get that patented! so that was a sucess. and it was lots of fun. i think we all learned a bit about ourselves by trying to make ourselves look good for an adult.

7th period: History. AHH THE TEST WAS SOOO EASY!! I AM SOOO HAPPY!! WOOHOOO!!!! and NO MORE HAYMAN TESTS EVER EVER EVER!!!

so my day rocked. and tomorrow should too...grad dance and PARTAY!!! WOOOOOOOHOOOOO!!!! life is good. life is VERY good...:0D

ooo okay a side note: i realized last night that the 3 guys i really like right now (yeah, ain't that sad? there's 3 that i like REALLY REALLY like...and they're all like equal...they're all like sooo great in their own ways) spell s-a-d with their first innitials. isn't that weird? i just thought it was. but now i hafta add a g...so it changes it. o well. better than sad... :-)

AHHHHHHHH!!!
life is GOOD!! it just is. and i'm on that 'happy high' sort of thing right now. besides the fact that i have a huge history final tomorrow which could make or break my grade...(well between a b+ and an a- but hey...) and i haven't studied at all but hey its 4:40 and I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!!

man, life is just good. it just is. don't argue. IT IS!

i wish i could write more. haha...i wish...more than anything... (o gosh i bet nicole's singing by now...) ;-)

well i love you all. well not all of you. there are a few i do not love. but, hey, i already have the reputation of liking everyone and everything (while thinking that every male creature on this earth is the sexiest thing ever) and hey, that's pretty accurate. although i'm not ALWAYS that way...hmmm...ponder on that until my next entry.

"...and hey, that's pretty accurate. although i'm not ALWAYS that way..."

asses...o now u wanna read it, huh?
Wheezy6125: u suck monkey ass
Horseeyoregal: i know
Wheezy6125: >:o
Horseeyoregal: and its YUMMY
Wheezy6125: it is very important to me
Wheezy6125: perv
Horseeyoregal: the monkey ass?
Horseeyoregal: i had no idea, wheezy...
Horseeyoregal: i thot I was the only one
Wheezy6125: no the movie u ass
Horseeyoregal: i do have a very promontory ass...
Wheezy6125: the movie is important to me
Horseeyoregal: okay
Wheezy6125: thanks for sharing
Horseeyoregal: good for you then
Horseeyoregal: haha
Wheezy6125: i do not see how u can have a promontory ass
Horseeyoregal: its an inside joke
Horseeyoregal: like promontory pass
Wheezy6125: it is not a body of land jutting over watter in like cliffs
Horseeyoregal: haha
Horseeyoregal: but i have a promontory ass
Horseeyoregal: don't argue
Horseeyoregal: i just do
Wheezy6125: thats nice
Wheezy6125: icare why?
Horseeyoregal: i dont know
Horseeyoregal: i just wanted to share my ass with you
Horseeyoregal: and we were talking about sucking monkey ass
Horseeyoregal: so i decided to give you a little knowlege about my own personal ass
Wheezy6125: thank u for ur concern
Horseeyoregal: your welcome
Wheezy6125: my ass is too large
Wheezy6125: there u go
Wheezy6125: we can trade info
Horseeyoregal: ghetto booties are good
Wheezy6125: i dont have a ghetto booty
Horseeyoregal: i ALMOST have one
Horseeyoregal: and i've been judged by a por
Horseeyoregal: pro*
Wheezy6125: i have a large ass that is neither ghetto nor bootylicious

more to come in a private message...plz don't try to hack into it if ur not on my pm list cuz this one is truly PRIVATE!!

OMG! WHAT A BITCH!
FPBabe17: ya
FPBabe17: what a bitch
FPBabe17: both of them
FPBabe17: well one's a turd
Horseeyoregal: they are such bitches!
Horseeyoregal: bitch is such a bitch!
Horseeyoregal: that bitch!
FPBabe17: bitch!
FPBabe17: omg!
Horseeyoregal: she's just so bitchy!
Horseeyoregal: bitch!
FPBabe17: omg!
Horseeyoregal: omg!
Horseeyoregal: like, omg!
Horseeyoregal: and then i'd say like, omg!
Horseeyoregal: and then he'd ask me out and i'd be like omg!
FPBabe17: and he'd be like omg!
Horseeyoregal: and i'd be like omg!
FPBabe17: and you'd both be like omg!
FPBabe17: ya!
FPBabe17: omg!
Horseeyoregal: just like, OMG!
Horseeyoregal: this is like, omg! going in my profile...omg!
Horseeyoregal: WHAT A BITCH!
FPBabe17: OMG!
Horseeyoregal: omg!
Horseeyoregal: and my like, journal...omg!
FPBabe17: omg
Horseeyoregal: that bitch...
FPBabe17: omg

haha. bitch was REALLY being a bitch today.

but OMG SO MANY HOT PPL TODAY! especially MR. GREWAL!! ahhh! mrs. grewal's son...like late 20's maybe...6'4...hella tall, dark, and handsome. :-D and i just stared at him the whole time...mmmmm...me faire (do me!) mr. grewal!!

and umm...actually i think that's it. mmm actually i like flirted with colin lots in english today. nothing new there. rachel and i were pretending we thought he was the sexiest thing ever and touching his arm muscles. you do have nice arm muscles, colin. idk who has a better body, you or william olcott. marsden's sexy but doesn't have the body.

ummm and oh yeah. tsai talked to me. but i don't like him anyway so doesn't matter.

o and idk about andrew anymore. in like one weekend i fell head over heels in love...like REALLY REALLY IN LOVE. and now like, idk if he was flirting with me cuz he actually liked me (which i was really convinced of for the longest time cuz he kept blushing at me during the musical...) but now i just dunno. if he turns out to be 'just that kind of guy' like some other ppl i know, i will just like die. and that wud suck.

okay well enough about stuff for now. i've gotta work on my reconstruction test, due tomorrow...hehe. so i'll come back lata *wink wink*...

i need to post and let out my anger/frustration/helplessness
okay so here's the weekend in a nutshell:

friday: over to ni's house for a sleepover because my mom is flying down to san diego to drive with brian and his car to my house. we umm...do fun stuff instead of studying.

saturday: sleep in. have more fun w/ a little studying added in. get home late and get yelled at by mother because my hair isn't dry for the dinner. 4:30- at church reporting for duty. time for some fun/work/flirting/freaking out. man, good times. i work my ass off (while flirting like a mofo in the meantime with andrew and pointing out hot mainstreet guys to annie) and killing my feet. we do this for like...well from 4:30-11:30. so like 7 hours. i am not shitting you. this was actually fun tho. me and andrew had the head table so we served bob and the family. and i got to stand with andrew and flirt like a mofo. FUN! and for a moment there i thought he just might've been flirting back...

sunday: holy fuck i'm tired. last night was long and tiring. great, now i get to listen to my stupid gayass sunday school teachers yell at us for being kids. it wasn't SO bad. we got to talk a lot and we needed that. then off to church for bob's last sermon. it was fine until he ended with a really moving thing that we always say that i just can't remember right now. then the waterworks came on. i cried pretty much through the rest of the service. thank god for the choir cuz i cud see that they were crying too. i thought i was the only one cuz the ppl in the church didn't seem to be touched. STUPID BASTARDS HOW CAN YOU NOT CRY? OUR PASTOR IS LEAVING! HE IS NEVER PREACHING FOR US AGAIN! WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU NOT COMPLETELY DEVESTATED? HE'S LIKE OUR FATHER, OUR CONNECTION WITH GOD, OUR MENTOR. AND HE'S LEAVING. AND YOU'RE NOT CRYING? JEE, WHAT GREAT METHODISTS YOU ALL ARE! so much for the congregation. as a youth, i was touched. maybe i'm just like that. but it wasn't a happy service.

then home for some more ummm 'studying'. as much as nicole and i are smart and responsible individuals, together we don't get things done. so now i'm still screwed for the history test. but its all my fault i basically copied nicole's entire map anyway. and ya know what? I DONT FUCKING CARE! MY LIFE IS SHIT IN EVERY WAY AND I DONT NEED SOMETHING ELSE ON TOP OF MY CRAZYASS LIFE THAT HAS DELT ME ENOUGH BLOWS ALREADY! SO FUCK YOU, MR HAYMAN CUZ I CAN'T TAKE ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR TESTS RIGHT NOW AND I'M NOT GOING TO GET A GOOD GRADE! I'M NOT THE PERFECT STRAIT-A STUDENT U THINK I AM, OKAY? i'm a kid too. but hey, tell that to meredith dodd the resident youth BITCH.

choir. fun. couldnt control myself when andrew and thomas sung their solo's...had to laugh. so much for alto harmony when they sing cuz i just can't do it. i'm too overcome with AHHH UR SOO SEXY feelings.

youth group dinner. porno and meanstreet barbies created. MUCHO FUN! LOOK OUT METEL, WE'VE GOT UR NEXT LINE OF PORNO BARBIES ALL SET OUT! and they're based on real ppl too... lets just say one gets erections all the time, i just say no and slap therapists, we have a resident pizza delivery guy that walks into our orgy...or what there is of it because i'm slapping guys left and right, and a stripper. ooo yeah. we are sooo creative.

youth group. hella sad. our pastor is FUCKING LEAVING! we had a goodbye party for him which kinda bombed because we hadn't planned it that well and he had to leave early. o well. then we started to have a NICE conversation about change and how this was gonna effect our lives and how to be nice to the new pastor and all but then DUN DUN DUN MEREDITH BECOMES RESIDENT BITCH OF THE YOUTH GROUP! KA-BAMMM! we are all suddenly insulted and ridiculed for 30 minutes strait about how we don't work hard enough, have so much potential, but are lazy and let the youth directors run things. NOW WHY THE FUCK DID SHE BRING THIS UP NOW? WE'RE ALL LIKE EMOTIONALLY FUCKED UP BECAUSE OUR PASTOR IS LEAVING AND NOW SHE'S TELLIN US WE'RE FAILURES! her word, not mine. the youth group as a whole is an official failure. we just can't do anything. MY ASS, MEREDITH! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING?? we are all talented youth with LIVES and SCHOOL GRADES TO ACHIEVE and VOLUNTEER HOURS TO BE SERVED and YOU THINK WE'RE FAILURES AND LAZY? have you been to church? have you seen us sing, read prayers, serve as ushers, do communion, and WORK OUR ASSES OFF FOR THE CHURCH? apparently she hasn't seen the effort we put into making our church a good place. because...WE'RE FAILURES!!

so mainly all i have to say is FUCK YOU MEREDITH DODD!!

and another thing: MY LIFE HAS GOTTEN SO CRAZY THIS WEEKEND YOU WOULDN'T FUCKING BELIEVE IT. BRIAN HAS MOVED IN FOR GOOD. AND THATS NOT AN EASY THING TO ADJUST TO. I'M SORRY, BUT I CAN'T JUST GO ON LIKE ITS NOTHING. its NOT nothing. it'll never be nothing. and yet i'm still being handed finals and tests and being accused of being lazy and a failure. does life do this to me on purpose?

FUCK YOU, LIFE!!
you certainly gave ME a raping this year...

yahya
FPBabe17: hey

Auto response from Goozballoon: senior showcase tonight


FPBabe17: ummm, the senior showcase was LAST night...
FPBabe17: btw this is melissa
FPBabe17: at nicole's house
FPBabe17: okay i have a question for you
FPBabe17: if we come to the mainstreet concert (ya know, that last one) with yahya fan club t-shirts on, will we get hugs?
FPBabe17: cuz i would really like one...
FPBabe17: ;-)
FPBabe17: okay did u even read that last long thing i IMed you like a couple days ago?
FPBabe17: nicole says she doubts it
FPBabe17: well read my blog...u'll have a reason to hug me. i'm a really sweet person...:-D
FPBabe17: and ya know what? if u didn't read that, u probably won't read this. i'm such a tard. haha.

o well. ALL I WANT IS A HUG!! *tear*