You were once too...

:: 2003 9 September :: 7.02pm
:: Mood: ecstatic
:: Music: "Master of the House"

Today for the first time since...whenever I posted about it, my day was good, BECAUSE OF BAND. I know, it's hard to believe, but it does happen occaisionally. I am really actually glad that I'm in pit. I'm having a really good time now, and it actually feels like I'm accomplishing something since I can now play more than heart and soul on the marimba. Today I got the second song for the first time at practice, and in two and a half hours, I CAN PLAY THE WHOLE THING!!! =-O All you music people, shut up. This is huge for me. I know the part is rediculously easy, but it's still good for me. And I have a "pit solo." Or rather, I'm the only one who plays it in pit, but I have no idea what the rest of the band is doing. It's really not that big, since it's just 3 notes, but I didnt miss it all practice! :-) Wow, you know, it's nice to use happy emoticons for a change.. Anyway, while I know that I am one of the very VERY few pro-Markgraf people out there, this is my journal, so :-P. I like his teaching better then Lerner's. I know that he can be taken as rude, and sometimes probably is, but it doesn't bother me, because I'm rude too and you guys still love me or you would not be reading this. Or so I tell myself. Granted, he does cross a few more lines than I would, and I am not under any circumstances asking you to love Markgraf, I'm just kind of justifying I guess why I still like him. This is mostly in response to Amy's entry about Amazing Grace. Not that I dont think what he said/did was totally out of line, but I dunno... It just doesnt change my opinion of the guy. But he's not totally rude and stuff. It was great watching him try to build my confidence in my marimba playing though. Funny thing is it actually worked come to think of it. By the end of today's practice I was playing atleast half of the volume that he wanted it. lol. Only pit people would probably understand this I guess. He like came over to the marimba and was like ok, Lauren, give me the sticks. He played a few measures of what we were currently working on in the drum break REALLY LOUD and said that's how I want it. Can you do that? I kinda looked at him and was like uhhhhhhh....(it was at this point that I thought of my personal hero paragraph)...sure! Mind you, I did not/could not play that loud, but I was louder than I think I ever had been. And I'm actually hitting a majority of the notes now! I know that to most of you guys, this sounds like psh! I could probably play most of those notes now! And I have no doubt that you could. Only people probably who saw that first time leah was trying to teach me to play could understand the improvement on this one. It's just a really great feeling for me to go from absolutely not believing at all that I would be able to play anything ever to playing a whole song (however easy it may be, it's still a song) by the end of the practice that I got the music. It's nuts. But see, this is what I'm saying. Markgraf had a lot to do with this. The whole entire time if I would go up to him and be like Mr. Markgraf I suck at marimba and I cant do this he'd just go sure you can! Which, as I'm typing it, sounds like nothing, but can any of you imagine kayla (voldemort) ever having any faith in her students at all? I think it's just this great leap in directors that makes me like him so much. I was the one who all last year said that it did not matter who came, it would always beat the alternative. I came into this year ready to like the director, because remember, I did not have Mrs. C or Mr. Saint. This is pretty much my first opportunity to actually like a director; all you SRCS alums, you know what I mean here. It's just....I guess I've rambled enough...if you dont get it by now, just like post questions in the comments.

On a much less....happy note, I am so nervous about French club!!!! That is the most nervous I think I have ever been for a speech, and the nerves have not gone away, because I wasnt nervous about the speech, I was nervous about the outcome of the election! grr! But, oh here's something many of you can relate to: My happiness from practice today has surpassed my nervousness about French club elections! I know how hard that is to believe, but that's how happy band made me today!!!

Also, for those of you who did not give me a beagle with a big head this morning, yesterday was my 17th birthday. :-) I got tickets to the eagles game!! :-D It's on a day before an exam, but....oh well. It's the eagles. I also got the special edition lion king preordered, which is something I knew I would get, but it's like this deal you get the dvd, 4 lithographs, and a "plushie" when you preorder it. AND when my mom called to order that, she preordered finding nemo too! YAY!!!! That means that as soon as it comes out, I get the nemo dvd, the lithographs and the plushie! FINDING NEMO LITHOGRAPHS!!!! WOOT! (parenthetical documentation to kristen) But that's about all.. I'll try to update more often, just for you kristen. Kristen: lol woohu! I've been wondering when you'd update again.

14 Left their memory | Do you remember?

:: 2003 9 September :: 7.00pm

i think of how frustrated i've become with everything. Today just pulled my last string with band. After class I went in to tell Mr.Lerner that I was going to miss the Sept 19th gamve vs. Martin County because I am going to be going to Gainesville to meet with the music school up there... Lerner breaks out with "well, you have a commitment to the band, you made a commitment to tuesdays, thursdays and fridays" to which I responded "I understand but that was the only date that I could get a meeting with the administration and I could go up to gainesville" to which hes like "well you have to stick to your commitments" & I said "Well I also have a commitment to myself to go to COLLEGE!" to which he responds "well maybe you shouldn't pick conflicting commitments" and at that point i just kind of blew up saying "If i have to choose between band and going to college, i'm going to college" and dashed out.

Its funny... something i used to love so much has become the bane of my existence. I truly despise what this organization has become. I can honestly say that i am ashamed of meeting other band members after they have seen our show (or lack there of) ... I am co captain of this band, whatever that happens out there is a direct reflectiono n my leadership skills (or lack thereof)...

if things get worse (and i thought i'd NEVER be saying this) then chorus & Mr.Houchins aren't looking too bad...

::sigh::

3 Left their memory | Do you remember?

:: 2003 8 September :: 11.18pm

Do you hear the people sing?

orfwashere

:: 2003 7 September :: 9.39pm
:: Music: thrice - kill me quickly

its about time I do a real update
Jeez, I musta bought this album around january, back when I started going to river. Everyone was telling me how awesome thrice was, so I thought what the hell. I gave it about 2 quick listens and I really didn't like it. Recently I gave it another listen, to see if I wanted to trade it in, but I found that I was really diggin� the first track. I can�t really say I like the rest of the album, but maybe I'm just unenlightened.
I also bought the new Deftones album this week. The songs are all rather slow, and some sound alike, but they surprisingly fit together perfectly, and make it a nice chill album. It's a little reminiscent of White Pony, but I don't find any of the songs on this album to be "single worthy," with the slight exception of Minerva.

Now on to bigger and better things.... My friend�s mom told me I look like the guy from the show The O.C. But more importantly, I owe a big one to Heidi, Jess, Dave, and Alex. Sorry about the kegger. It turned into a buncha guys at the beach with an empty keg we couldn't get filled, and various other bottled beers. Sorry for not being home. I'll make it up to you guys. I promise.

But besides the alcohol, my life has been pretty lame. It seems that I have no free time anymore. When I don't have school or band practice, I'm working. It really sucks, but the money is good. Speaking of that, I'm getting a new tenor sax. I have twelve months of no interest to pay off, so I figure I'll be broke for the next year, and won't be driving until sometime after that.

Well stay tuned for the next tale, as our hero A.J. does absolutely nothing, and writes a whole entry about it. What pointless things will he say next? Tune in, same pointless website, same pointless journal. Good night folks!

2 Left their memory | Do you remember?

:: 2003 4 September :: 2.37am

fuck european history.

i didn't even want to take the bullshit class.

ANGRY!

1,175 words... thats as good as its getting.
-------------------------------------------------------
I'm going to UF the 18th-20th or 21st... anyone care to join me?

5 Left their memory | Do you remember?

:: 2003 3 September :: 10.44pm
:: Mood: giggly
:: Music: "Survivor" -Destiny's Child

Just a note before I really begin: That mood above is just for you Adam. There. Now you cannot say I never say giggle and you can accept the fact that when I say "gg" in an im, it does in fact mean "gotta go."

Fair warning, this will be a short entry. I am writing this as per Kristen's request, cause I think she had a good idea. In English class yesterday we were to write a paragraph about our personal hero using a tone of admiration and respect. Here's what I wrote:

The claymation brings hope to millions of children around the world. With one simple question he instills them with a confidence no one else can: "Can we fix it?" "Yes we can!" reply the wide-eyed children, as Bob the Builder builds and repairs any obstacles in his way. Not only does he help millions of children with self-confidence issues, but this one clay man has provided jobs for hundreds of unemployed talking tractors. He truly is a saint among us.

Thought I should share that with everyone in woohu-land. Actually, Kristen did, but I'm the one who actually did it. :-P

On a more issue-resolution-y note, I can feel the stress peeling away. Today was my first day in third hour band. (Yay!) It was great. I decided that band class sans krystle is not an option. As for next year....I don't know. Ask Mr. Lerner. The history test was another layer of stress relieved today. It was so much better than I thought it was going to be. I actually knew some stuff! =-O We had this really really REALLY hard assignment in French. It was like 20 verbs in a word bank and a sample letter with 42 blanks. Go. You have 25 minutes. ?!?!?! Good thing no one finished and we got to take it home. I was so screwed on that. I hope no one is expecting me to pass that IB exam...oh well. Short journal as promised, so I'm off. I'll post more tomorrow. Maybe.. ;-)

10 Left their memory | Do you remember?

:: 2003 2 September :: 6.41pm
:: Mood: relieved
:: Music: "When You Wish Upon A Star" -Gepetto?

HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF!!! Wow! I think 3 million tons have just been lifted off my shoulders! I FINALLY got my schedule switched. Krystle, I think you were right about that day with my "clinical depression" (thank you Amy). I think it was just a huge stress problem and it just overwhelmed me. Cause I feel so much better today! I'll tell you guys all what happened.

So, I went in this morning and went to my IBO meeting first thing. I was kinda nervous that ms. kelly wouldn't switch my schedule, since I had nothing signed from Lerner (grrr). But I think since I went in to switch chemistry, she kinda forgot about band. Anyway, long story short, she gave me the schedule I wanted and I got one of those nice little schedule changey forms. So I went to precalc and then english and was all happy because now the system had overruled lerner and there was nothing he could do about it. Unfortunately for him, chemistry happens to be above band in the schedule pecking order. Then after english I went to band to get signed out of the class. When I went in, Amy was already there talking to him. (Thanks Amy! Tell me what you said too...I'm just curious.) Anyway, Lerner looked at me and was like see me after school. And I handed him the thing and was like well, I have to switch out of this class anyway, so can you sign this? He tells me NO! =-O What does he mean no?! I mean come on, he should know that this is not an option here! I hand him a paper and he signs me out of the class! So I asked Amy what to do, and she just said go to chem. So I did. Good thing to throw in here, I was in fact switched in at exactly the right time, since I don't have anything to make up! :-) Yay me! Anyway, I went to health after chem and let me just say that that health class rocks! I'm sorry Kristen, but there are so many IB kids in 6th hour health. It is so much better than my old health class. We had someone come in and talk to us from like the domestic abuse hotline or something.. But after health I went back to the portal of hell formerly known as the band room and practiced inside. :-P Let me just say though, that I have made HUGE progress on that music. There was a time in practice today that I actually thought that one day I might be able to have that entire piece learned. And then I remembered that we have like 3 more pieces coming, including a percussion feature, which we have to play.. *sigh* Oh well. I'll be okay if I can just play through the opener. I'm working on it. But after practice, as per his request, I went and talked to Lerner. That guy pisses me off. That aside, however, he told me that the level that he heard me play the other day, which was a piece of crap audition by the way for those of you who were not aware, I would "have difficulty with the assignments in third hour." I stood there for a second.."Are you talking about like how hard the music is?" "Yea." O.o So I told him (AGAIN) that that audition was most definitely NOT my best performance. That I had not practiced the part since I've been working on the marimba part. So he's all like well, it's not my recommendation that you go to third hour. And I said well that's fine, but I have no other choice. So I told him again. Listen. These are my two choices. These are my only two choices. I can either switch to third hour band, or switch to psychology and forget band. I am in AP chemistry fourth hour. There is no possible way that I can stay in fourth hour band. So he says, okay, but don't complain to me about grades you may recieve, and you'll have to practice more. "Yea, I know.." *shoves paper in his face* He signed it and then paused for a minute. "You said you play the marimba?" "mmhmm." "How many more non-percussionists are there in pit?" "Umm...I dont know. I think I'm the only one..." "How did that happen?" Then I told him I hurt my knee and whatnot. "Oh, that'd do it." Yea, then I just left. Several of you may have seen me waiving my schedule change paper on the way out the door. You have no idea how glad I am to finally have this done with. I think I'm going to freaking frame that paper.

So that's about all the news that's fit to publish. I'm going to go study for my history test now.

1 Left their memory | Do you remember?

:: 2003 1 September :: 11.55pm

what a wonderful weekend...

Greg came home to me Friday night and no other word can describe this weekend except purely "magical."

He left me again today and you know what, i'm okay. I have faith that our love will overcome all of the obstacles thrown at us and distance will mean nothing. Everyday as I look towards the future I realize how serious this is getting and how serious it can be in the future and surprisingly enough, i'm not scared.

I'm glad its taken me 18 years to experience this, any less and I wouldn't know what to do with it.

:: 2003 1 September :: 8.10pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: "Unwell" -Matchbox 20

I'm not crazy
I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell...

Not much news. Just had a bit of time doing nothing, thought I'd write something. Usually I get on here to write about nothing and end up writing about something eventually. I went out car shopping today. No, not for a car for me.. We went to look at a Nissan Quest. We need a van or something probably to have for the electric wheelchair my dad's getting. Yesterday I went to Petsmart to get Sasha a new collar. It's nice and blue and has reflective pawprints on it so if she gets lost at night cars can see the reflective-ness on her collar. But it was adoption day. You would think that I would have learned by now to not go to Petsmart on adoption day. There were THREE BEAGLES!! =-O There was one there that was 2 years old, purebred, and housetrained. My mom wanted her so badly, but my dad said no. :-( Maybe this summer we will get a puppy though!! Hopefully...we're not sure yet. Anyway, enough of the puppy that we dont have..

Today I was in my room (it tends to happen..) and my mom came in to like wake me up or something. I have that Ecclesiastes 1:13 taped to my door now, the one that Krystle was telling me about. It seemed like a good thing to post on my door for the time. Anyway, so my mom came into my room, she's like "I like that scripture on your door. You must be going through some tough times.." I was like...uhhh...sure. So she just goes on with her mom crap "If you need to talk.." blah blah blah. It's like the stupidest thing to tell me. Anyway, just a random passing thought. It doesn't really have any purpose in here, but I needed something to write about, now didnt I? ;-)

My parents keep asking me what I want for my birthday. That usually happens about this weekend in September. Odd... But usually I have an answer. I just really don't want anything. Any suggestions? I think I'm just gonna ask for a new lens for my camera. It's something I really wouldn't buy for myself right now. I'm too broke. But in my family "what do you want for your birthday" does not really equal "give me a list of things so that I can pick a few of those things you really want." It's more like "come with me to the store and pick something so that I can more efficiently get you something." Ehh.. Surprises aren't really birthday events here. So anyone who is asking me what I want for my birthday, that's what I'm going to answer you. "A surprise." Just ask Amanda. She knows. The one deal that is a surprise is a birthday cake, since you can't really screw that up (oh, gosh, I just jinxed it, didn't I?). My mom goes nuts w/ the cake. She asked me like 4 weeks ago when we were talking about what to do for my birthday "But I get to pick the cake, right?" "Sure mom..." ahh... One week and one year until I can legally move out. But one week until I can legally see American Wedding! o.~ So speaking of spending a half hour typing nothing, I'm gonna go. Comment on....whatever you feel like. (maybe I should not have said that for everyone's sake, knowing that Kristen will eventually read this :-\) But I'm sure there were a few question marks put in there for you guys somewhere...

orfwashere

:: 2003 31 August :: 5.07pm

kegger at my house tonite.
703-4691

5 Left their memory | Do you remember?

:: 2003 31 August :: 12.23am
:: Mood: Blah
:: Music: "Flagpole Sitta" -Harvey Danger

I'm so sick of things being how they are. I wish that things would just get resolved or end or something. Everything that's happening just never goes away and I'm really feeling that today. Like none of the problems that are in my life ever end. It's just one endless cycle. I think that I am just at a point where I am ready to move on from what I'm doing. I'm ready to move out and I'm ready to be done with high school. I think that's why I'm doing all this college crap. I'm so ready to just start the next phase of my life that I'm just trying to start it. Anything now that I can get involved in in terms of college or independence or anything I am. I'm switching my schedule around to get into more college-ap-friendly classes. I'm thinking about what party to register voting under. I just think I'm having difficulty realizing that this is my 17th birthday. I keep on going through all this crap about how old I am. I'm older than Harry Potter, I've outgrown the growing up girls series, I'm too old for disney channel contests.. And yet I am so ready for this to be my 18th or 19th birthday and I can just leave and go do my own thing. I dunno..

On a less emotionally draining note, today is my grandfather's birthday, so we all went out to dinner. It's always interesting to sit around and listen to 2 hours of war stories. That's about all the highlights from the day.. I went shopping this morning sort of, then after dinner went out and about with Krystle and Nikki. It was fun cause I got a cup of water and blew bubbles in it for a good 45 minutes. Hmm...short journal entry. I really just dont have a lot to say. It just seems today like not a lot is going on, even though I did a ton of stuff.. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow. I'll post later when I feel more ....interesting.

I will leave you with this thought:

I'm not sick but I'm not well
And I'm so hot, cause I'm in hell

Been around the world and found that only stupid people are breeding
The cretins cloning and feeding
And I don't even own a tv
Put me in the hospital for nerves and then they had to commit me
You told them all I was crazy
They cut off my legs now I'm and amputee, god damn you...

I wanna publish zines
And rage against machines
I wanna pierce my tongue
It doesn't hurt, it feels fine
The trivial's sublime
I'd like to turn off time
And kill my mind, kill my mind

Paranoia paranoia
Everybody's coming to get me
Just say you never met me
I'm running underground with the moles, digging in holes
Hear the voices in my head
I swear to god it sounds like they're snoring
But if you're bored then you're boring
The agony and the irony, they're killing me...

6 Left their memory | Do you remember?

:: 2003 28 August :: 9.06pm
:: Mood: Super Frustrated
:: Music: "When I'm Gone" -Three Doors Down also "Break Stuff" -Limp Bizkit

See mood.
Just to be fair, I am too ...frustrated to post an unbiased journal up here that I would not most likely regret posting at some point in the future. (...Was that sentence coherent at all?!) You know when you get a sugar high? And eventually, especially when you have hypoglycemia (which I would not expect many of you guys to know about, but this is the reason you will rarely see me eating a pixie stick), you go on a huge sugar low. And the sugar low is even lower than the sugar high was high. This is about the point that I have hit in terms of my band high that I had a few days ago. A few days before HE arrived. Anyway, I'm just gonna say that for those of you looking for chem results here, I got it approved to switch to ap, and have made a final decision to do so, but cannot go to the actual class yet since ms. kelly is at jury duty. -.- (parenthetical documentation to Kristen for that emoticon) I'm just very...frustrated. yes.

Anyway, just a note while I'm thinking about it on the journal in general. I hope you guys are all taking note of the "Music" up top on all (*most) of them. I really honeslty do listen to the song(s) I put up there as I'm writing the journals, and I hope that you guys listen to them as you're reading them. Just trust me. It helps to get the overall effect of them. Especially today's. I'll post more details about today...later. maybe.

6 Left their memory | Do you remember?

:: 2003 26 August :: 10.41pm

my baby boys...

and Weston's crazy misfits tattoo smack on his leg :0P

first real SAT class today... wow. I didn't realize there were so many dumb people in this world. Class is okay though, my instructor is pretty rad.

My baby comes home to me in 3 days!!!!...all crazy tattooed and all...

silly boy <3