toki
|
::
2005 21 April :: 8.59am
I'll get ze popcorn
X marks the spot
|
mudpiegrl
|
::
2005 21 April :: 8.37am
:: Mood: lazy
my mum called mrs. firnbach and told her she was worried i wouldnt graduate ::rolls eyes::
cuz she gave me cap and gown money and i said i dont want it and she asked why and i told because i dont want to graduate, meaning, hello, i dont want to leave everything i know behind and lose half my friends and all my acquaitences in an instant. it meant that i like walking down the hall and hearing fourteen hi's and knowing everyone's name.
but of course, she thinks i will "sabotage" myself...hehe throw shoes at my self, and my bro was like no big deal she doesnt want to go through the ceremony, (see i told you shes making a big pointless deal) and my mum "rambled on" about prom and a boyfriend ::rolls eyes::
peanut butter has lost all the fun
i just feel desperate now.
its pathetic. oh well.
bye.
X marks the spot
|
mudpiegrl
|
::
2005 21 April :: 8.04am
:: Mood: crushed
So I got the coolest ugly skirt ever. It’s awesome and I got other stuff too! Am going to have horrible blisters by the end of today. Oh well.
I really don’t want to be inside today! Grr…
Weekend? Where are you weekend? Am looking for you but you aren’t here… Where are you?
Today is the Mundelein play. Yay for Danielle and mary!
Okie…that’s really all…
X marks the spot
|
mudpiegrl
|
::
2005 20 April :: 9.58pm
yay for oatmeal yay for new pope smell yay for skirts so ugly they're pretty yay for blue dog leashes yay for Kristen yay for elisa yay for shootings yay for better homes and gardens yay for really bad acting (or eggs) yay for stupidity yay rof sdrowkcab epyt yay for milk yay for nny yay for candle scents yay for bad friends yay for old men yay for chrystler’s spring sale event yay for html yay for feeling crappy yay for wet dog yay for abc 7 news at 10 yay for bananas yay for placentas yay for pigtails yay for grass yay for fake fire yay for waiting for darkness yay for latin yay for a yellow glow yay for green pants yay for "a grateful city and a grateful nation" yay for uic yay for blue jays yay for tigerlilies yay for funny names yay for bagdad yay for Iraqi officials yay for soccer stadiums yay for ethics yay for mean neighbours yay for dumbasses yay for betrayal yay for dirty feet yay for diabetes yay for running circus elephants yay for lacrosse yay for cash back and no down payments yay for agreeing yay for remote controls yay for instruction manuals yay for cell phones yay for short toenails yay for lowe’s yay for refletions in your backdoor yay for rocking horse people eating marshmallow pies yay for you if you got this far.
X marks the spot
|
mudpiegrl
|
::
2005 20 April :: 9.46pm
so today could have sucked little more...
oh well.
so...yes...
who needs milk
to accompany his or her
cereal otherwise
drys your throat?
who really cares cuz
its all gone
in some time
anyway.
X marks the spot
|
mudpiegrl
|
::
2005 19 April :: 4.15pm
on my phone i had two really shiny stickers but then they got all scratchy and ugly so now they are just shiny instead of feet and palm trees...
i drew noodle boy on the back and i think ama go find squee or gir to put on the front...
yay for me
am still asking, but just asking.
i still dont understand why i cant let go, but i cant.
and throw your dog a peanut...can she crack the shell and eat only the nut like my dog can?!?! huh can she?!?
X marks the spot
|
mudpiegrl
|
::
2005 17 April :: 12.48am
matt smiths birthday was fun...fire and beading and fighting and lacrosse and brownies and all sorts of fun stuff....
okie so it wasnt that fun, in fact, it could have been a lot better...look im even trying to be optimisitc and it fails too...
1 Pirate |
X marks the spot
|
mudpiegrl
|
::
2005 17 April :: 12.34am
its funny how, when there's one little crappy thing in your life, your random button reminds you of all the crappiest things that you have to deal with everyday anyway.
i'm afraid of being alone. i really am. just alone. not boyfriend alone necessarily, although it sort of plays a part. not having a best friend, not having even a really good friend. i think everyone's afraid of being alone. add that to the fear of falling and the fear of the unknown.
i think its normal. do bugs feel safer when the shoe is above them if they have a colony with them? do they convince themselves that it's not going to be them that dies, but the one beside them? or do they just wonder how it will feel?
if one believes in god, does god regret the moment he makes someone die? does he shake his head at the stupidity that leads him to taking that person's life? does he cry when he watches someone in pain? how would it be to have god as your best friend? would it be wrong to only idol and not put god as a god in your mind? i dont even know if i believe in god but how would it feel to know your best friend could take care of all your problems, but would rather you solve them on your own? to acknowledge taht you are stuck and have to accept what you ahve and use that to climb out of your hole, and just have him pat you on the back, and notice a tear fall on your pants and realise you arent the one crying.
6 Pirates |
X marks the spot
|
mudpiegrl
|
::
2005 15 April :: 10.57pm
so im here cuz everyones at the band thing yay...
have you ever missed someone as soon as they got out of the car? its weird......only ever happened with neil before....but it happened again tonight.....for the first time in forever...
X marks the spot
|
mudpiegrl
|
::
2005 15 April :: 10.45am
:: Mood: hyper
:: Music: odd ringing
stupid library
So I decided. It’s for sure. Am asking him! Yay for me!
Long idea plan but I’ll probably show you once I get it…:-D
Am excited and he looks so damn good in red. I love when lacrosse boys dress up! :-D
And I found out something yesterday that am not allowed to tell but it was one of those things that I figured and just got it confirmed.
Um…the library sucks. Apparently, you aren’t allowed to be on email. So all my dawdling on email and journals has now ended and am going to post this so quickly so that they will not yell at me.
It was funny the lady couldn’t think of a reason when I asked her why so I asked if it was one of those rules that no one really knows why and she told me about the tech people and viruses…::sigh::
Okie so today is short…
My drawing in art is coming along well am actually liking it a lot now but I cant think of an idea for my story for creative writing and its angering to listen to him talk about how we should have characters already. I don’t have conflicts cuz am so afraid of it being cliché. I was thinking about doing the God thing…being god and regretting making humans and there really being no resolve, but I feel like the conflict is taken and the situation is going to be cliché and I wont be able to pull it off.
::shrugs:: I still need a prom dress, although, I guess I still need a date too…working on that…
:)
X marks the spot
|
toki
|
::
2005 15 April :: 8.29am
:: Mood: Sickly
Poop. this is a weird week. I'm a mess and i have no idea why. Don't you hate when that happens?
2 Pirates |
X marks the spot
|
toki
|
::
2005 14 April :: 8.59am
I hate being sick. Don’t tell Ryan that. I don’t think this is from him though. Poop.
I’m tired. I have a lot of make up work and I hate orchestra and I don’t want to go to the concert tonight or tomorrow. I want to quit fine arts. I hate it all. It’s the most thankless department in the school. Give 3 or 4 years of your life. What do you get back? Shit. Absolutely nothing. Because there’s someone that much better then you who deserves it more. You know what? Screw you. I’m sick of being a shadow. Only one more show, four more concerts and I’m done being the worst or second best. So I quit trying hrad. Where has it got me? Where has the hours of rehearsal and crew for ballad, razzle, and man got me? Nowhere. So screw hard work because nothing comes of it. I’ll be a four star thespian and all my friends will be up there getting everything. But I promise I won’t cry until after I leave.
I don't want sympathy. I blocked comments. Don't try.
|
mudpiegrl
|
::
2005 12 April :: 10.31pm
:: Music: Travis-
Nothing new here...
Frou Frou-"Let Go" from Garden State
Drink up baby doll
Are you in or are you out?
Leave your things behind
'Cause it's all going off without you
Excuse me too busy you're writing your tragedy
These mishaps
You bubble-wrap
When you've no idea what you're like
So, let go,let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
It gains the more it gives
And then it rises with the fall
So hand me that remote
Can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow?
Such boundless pleasure
We've no time for later
Now you can't await
your own arrival
you've twenty seconds to comply.
X marks the spot
|
mudpiegrl
|
::
2005 11 April :: 10.59pm
note to visitors: if you can, visit the friends only area :)
X marks the spot
|
toki
|
::
2005 11 April :: 9.21am
:: Mood: sad
Happy library week!!!
My throat hurts. I'm tired. I don't want to go to government or orchestra or band. Perfect day: Study hall, creative writing, photo, lunch, study hall, photo, study hall, creative writing.
I love writing and photo. I just get it the worst times of day. And study halls are always quite dandy.
My hand hurts. I hit a wall last night. Not the best anger management. I need help, dudes. Yesterday was the third time in the past weeks that I almost just walked out the door. I could do it too. I have places I could go. I'm almost 18. I have a job. But I didn't. Why? I'm not scared of getting in trouble. I don't know why I don't.
All my recent numbness has gone away, it seems. Haven't decided if it's good or bad. But I definitly am not numb anymore. I can feel. And it hurts, my friends.
My head is all swimmy right now. I really feel like I'm going to pass out.
This journal is insanely angsty. It always is. I like to think I'm not all angst...but look at me! Here I go again. Woo hoo.
Ok...my vision is getting all weird. I need to get a drink. If I pass out...I won't have orchestra! Oooh...so there is hope.
:-\
Eick. Even though the world is being poopy, I want you to know that I think I'm one of the luckiest people alive. I have alot of people who put up with alot of shit from me.
My head is in a woosh. So I'm off.
1 Pirate |
X marks the spot
|
|