mudpiegrl
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2005 11 April :: 2.11am
im crying now. im not saying this so you give me hugs or pity, but because ive needed to.
what made me cry? neil.
its a very long conversation, feel free to read it or skip...i took out the not so important parts.
HammeTrucci: just because she is leaving does not mean you are goin to lose her
battlestarre: you tell me that but ive never ever kept someone who has gone away.....
HammeTrucci: we may have broken up but you havent lost me
battlestarre: there is no longer such a connection anymore
battlestarre: that's loss
HammeTrucci: really you and sandy are the only people that i still deeply care about
HammeTrucci: all im trying to say is that i still care if you are sad
battlestarre: :-\
battlestarre: i miss you so much
HammeTrucci: yeah
battlestarre: cuz i still love you so much
HammeTrucci: me too jorie
HammeTrucci: me too
battlestarre: why cant you come back so i can hug you
battlestarre: why do i want to hug you so badly but feel so wrong doing so?
battlestarre: and how can you sit so close and seem so far from caring
battlestarre: why did it always feel that way
battlestarre: why did it get worse hwen you went away
battlestarre: why couldnt you make me feel like you cared?
battlestarre: you're one of the few things ive ever wanted to hold on to so mch
battlestarre: why are you the only thing that makes me cry now?
battlestarre: why do i miss you so much?
battlestarre: why cant i just get over you?
battlestarre: you're so far away
HammeTrucci: it really pisses me off that i lost all sight of what "we" were
battlestarre: i dont even care that i lost jen
battlestarre: i havent
HammeTrucci: i wish sometimes that i could go back in time to christmas break and feel like i do now
battlestarre: my idea of "us": you holding me on my bed just because; us wrestling, and you pinning me down, only to gently kiss me; you waking me up wiht a kiss and the soft click of a camera; then you going away and seeming to forget me
HammeTrucci: the last part is what pisses me off
HammeTrucci: there was so much here that blinded me from you
HammeTrucci: i wanted to just talk to you over christmas break
HammeTrucci: tell you how i really felt
HammeTrucci: i felt like shit for alot of december, i still dont understand why i felt the way i did
HammeTrucci: i basically screwed myself into a corner i couldnt get out of
battlestarre: is that something that i do?
battlestarre: i did it to hul too
battlestarre: i lose the greatest things to them backing themselves in a corner
battlestarre: neil why couldnt you care about me for the first four months you were away
battlestarre: why didnt you choose me over your football game?
HammeTrucci: it became to easy
HammeTrucci: in a sense
battlestarre: HOW?!??
HammeTrucci: cause you werent here so once we stopped talkin on the phone, i could do anything
HammeTrucci: and what i was afraid of happened, you became part of my ddaily routinee
HammeTrucci: it was like, talk to jorie because i have to
HammeTrucci: i hated that feeling
HammeTrucci: thats why i didnt like talkin everyday
HammeTrucci: it made it seem like i had to
battlestarre: but you never called me!
battlestarre: you hate talking on the phone so you wouldnt call
battlestarre: and then it was like i was a chore
battlestarre: i called because i had no one else to talk to!
HammeTrucci: that's because i knew you would call
battlestarre: dont you realise you were my only friend for a while?
HammeTrucci: yes i do
battlestarre: you didnt even noticed when i stopped calling!
anyway, it goes on...but that's all that's important...
i dont understand why he makes me cry
all week...i needed to cry so badly...
maybe jeff reminds me of him. maybe that's why i wont give up on him...i dont know.
i know its a good thing he wont go out with me though...because it would clearly be rebound.
im obviously stuck on neil.
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mudpiegrl
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2005 10 April :: 3.09pm
hi.
so...today...nothing special
it's weird, i wont let myself give up on him.
theres some odd amount of hope...
eh...prom
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mudpiegrl
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2005 10 April :: 1.40am
find your element
at mutedfaith.com.
lol...only the being stuck on ideas thing is right.
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mudpiegrl
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2005 10 April :: 1.13am
he is standing still, but i am slipping on the ground beneath my feet.
i got these from kevin's journal yay for kevin!
 | You scored as Goofy. Your alter ego is Goofy! You are fun and great to be around, and you are always willing to help others. You arn't worried about embarrassing yourself, so you are one who is more willing to try new things.
| Goofy | | 75% | Ariel | | 75% | Peter Pan | | 75% | Sleeping Beauty | | 50% | Snow White | | 50% | Cruella De Ville | | 44% | Donald Duck | | 38% | Cinderella | | 38% | Pinocchio | | 38% | The Beast | | 31% |
Which Disney Character is your Alter Ego?
created with QuizFarm.com |
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mudpiegrl
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2005 9 April :: 10.58am
found this is someone elses journal:
top 30 things guys should know bout girLs - written by a guy after years of experience
1. whatever you do, don't just show up at their house.. they run around in their underwear just like we do if they dont live with their parents...
2. DO NOT, under any circumstance, CHEAT ON THEM, it may seem foolproof but girls talk about everything! trust me, they will find out!!unfortunatly (we talk about everything)
3. beware of every single male relative and all guy friends, any of them will kick your ass at the drop of a hat, and a lot of them wouldnt even wait for the damn hat for me, i dont even have to try, i.e. water bottle incident, or just random "ow" situations
4. never miss an oppertunity to tell them they're beautiful
5. don't refuse to kiss in front of your friends, if they laugh at you , it's because they're JEALOUS
6. if they slap you hard, you deserved it
7. don't be afraid to touch them if you want to, if they're going out w/ you in the first place- it's because they LIKE being in your arms
8, if you dont sleep with them, dont EVER tell your friends that you did! oh, and even if you do sleep with them- don't tell your friends you did
9. you can be dirty minded in private...
10. not all of them eat like birds, actualy a lot of them eat like whales!
11. most of them don't mind paying half of everything, but they do discuss these things w/ their friends. Realize that if you make your girlfriend pay half all the time, everyone will know you're a pussy..
11.5 do you honestly need all your money that much? if she means that much you'll be a man and pay all the time!
12. Every girl should eventually get three things from her boyfriend - a stuffed animal, one of his sweatshirts, and a really pretty ring - even if it's not a serious relationship
13. Make sure she gets home safely as often as you can- if you're dropping her off, walk her to the door, and if not just caLL
14. If a guy is bothering her, it is your right duty to beat the crap outta him!
15. If you're talking to a female friend of yours, pull your girlfriend closer!! good idea...why didnt neil think of that?
16. Never, ever slap her, even if it's just in a joking way. Even if she swats at you friends and says, "You're SO dumb" - never make gestures back
17. go to a chick flick once in a while, she doesn't care whether you enjoy it or not- it just matters that you went also something neil didnt pick up on...
18. You're dead meat if you can't get along with their pets, parents, or bestfriends! be prince charming to their friends- mr. polite to their parents- and make sure to be nice to their animals
19. dont flirt witht their moms... that's just freaky
20. dont be freaked out by PMS- it's not gross, and it really does make them feel like shit, so be understanding
21. if you don't like the way they drive, you do it!
22. If you're officially dating , and you introducing her to your friends, you'd better introduce her as your girlfriend
23. don't stress where you go for every date, they really only want to be with you!
24. If they complain that something hurts, rub it for them withought being asked
25. Girls are fragile, even if you're play fighting or wrestling- be gentle
26. memorize their damn birthdays! you forget her birthday and you're basically screwed for life! stupid spencer
27. don't marinade the cologne- but smell good or just take a shower
28. don't give her something stupid for her bday or christmas or valentine's day- it doesn't have to be expensive, but it has to be meaningful com'on, college logo slippers are meaningful!
29. if you think the relationship isn't going to last, don't wait to find out- it will only hurt you more if you draw it out! see, i was right...
30. After you've been dating for a while, realize that they really have started to trust you. When you have a girlfriend who really truly trusts you, you have a lot more responsibility, privilege, and control than you would think. Be careful with it, most guys would kill for that kind of power, and it can be lost in a nanosecond
okie so yea...that was fun...sorry for all my little comments...:)
am done...ill write another dya unless something happens tnt...
2 Pirates |
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mudpiegrl
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2005 9 April :: 10.40am
:: Music: radio commercials
so last night didnt go so well.
it was overall, a pretty bad night, although the prospect of nearly 25 people showing up was a bit exciting. it was like immigrant season, so many different people!
i hate the radio. it plays one song and goes back to commercials...but i dont feel like getting up....:)
i should stop now but i have to keep the window open so that i can make sure that prospect is right...if its not then ill change it and you will have no idea what im talking about...okie it's right. ama go change the radio now...
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toki
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2005 8 April :: 9.02am
:: Mood: angry
I’m kind of angry right now. Actually, I’m really angry right now. I don’t know entirely why, but I know a lot of it. And again it’s one of those things that I can’t really share.
People disappoint me. Well, not me directly. But their actions indirectly make me angry. That doesn’t make any sense at all, but being vague is good.
I don’t tell people things anymore if they’re meant to be kept secret. I’ve matured. Not that anyone has noticed. I’ve been accused/assumed that I tell people everything at least 10 times this month. Not to sound egotistical or self centered, but I have my own life. I have enough going on that I don’t need to constantly gossip. Yes, I know that I do tell people things. Small things. Never anything detrimental though. Things like him and her are going out and they broke up today or what not. Are we still that immature that we can’t deal with people knowing that we have crushes on people or who we’re going out with? I don’t know. This is sounding mean.
Ostracized. That’s how I feel. No need to explain why. I’m always against the stream. Not that it’s bad, but it gets lonely.
I need a good…something…session. Jackie’s having a bonfire tonight, but I’m working. Isn’t that how it always is? Nothing happens until I’m working or busy. Once again…I’m alone. Because even if you say it’s nothing, stuff happens when everyone gets together like that. Memories are made that people who aren’t there can never comprehend. And it’s sad. I’m leaving in four months and when I leave, what memories will I have? It’s scary.
I'll be disappearing again. I like disappearing. People never notice anyways. Why put any effort to be visible?
If I were a superhero...I'd be invisible and be able to fly. That way I'd disppear and fly away, and it'd be nothing. I could go anywhere I wanted. I could get away whenever I wanted.
I need to be able to drive. I can't stay here anymore.
1 Pirate |
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mudpiegrl
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2005 7 April :: 10.05pm
woo so i looked for water splashes for my art project:
Exhibit RIT
and also, today was good. today was very smooth and nutty...:)
i think he likes jackie still, but because he gets the idea about how i feel about him, he's hanging out with me.
thats really all...journal check and then off to bake a cake and make a poster!!!
HAPPY BDAY, JEN!
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mudpiegrl
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2005 6 April :: 11.16pm
am currently having four converstations.....all about basically the same thing...
-matt likes arina, but he's not sure how she feels about him.
-sandy was talking about matt smith, but now were talking about me and peanut butter
-jackies talking about her boy :-D
-jills talking about her lack of a boy and being shy.
but we're all single, all five of us.
4 Pirates |
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mudpiegrl
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2005 5 April :: 9.56pm
:: Music: enya-a day without rain
today.
doom doom de doom...today... was weird.
but fun!
its yet another realisation day of like leaving and college and missing people and growing up
eighteen seems so far away....yet i dont realise im seventeen.
how does that work ? why do i still feel like im twelve?
::shrugs:: i dont know. its sad. ama have to be here and everyones going away. i honestly think ill miss patrice the most, because of how close ive gotten to her and how i feel like i could talk to her about anything, although i know some stuff doesnt stay secret, its a small price to pay for such an awesome friend. sorry to anyone else who will get offended by this. i could go on for pages about friends, but patrice is special. we've been friends all four years and i dont know what im going to do without her next year. hopefully her comp'll work so we can IM each other. :-D.
am content with everything. things are going well.
ugh i feel sick, i just finished eating nasty cinnimon sticks from chuck e cheese....not so good but i was hungry....
so later ill eat chipotle...lol much better for churning stomachs....
today i went to the lacrosse game. it was a bunch of pillowed up guys hitting each other with sticks and falling over each other....it was more entertaining than football, cept in football, you can actually see the pelota!
okie all is happy and plain.
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mudpiegrl
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2005 4 April :: 11.43pm
i have a craving for peanut butter...
2 Pirates |
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mudpiegrl
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2005 4 April :: 12.52am
when you hit obsession, sit down so it wont hurt as much when you fall.
lol.....now ama go attempt to find an actual quote...
okie...ten minutes later and im sort of successful...
Anger and jealousy can no more bear to lose sight of their objects than love.
~George Eliot
"Obsessed by a fairy tale, we spend our lives searching for a magic door and a lost kingdom of peace."
~Eugene O'Neill
'Mad' is a term we use to describe a man who is obsessed with one idea and nothing else.
~Ugo Betti
lol...this one's just funny...
"OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was once more common than it is now. Arasthus tells of a peasant who was occupied by a different devil for every day in the week, and on Sundays by two. They were frequently seen, always walking in his shadow, when he had one, but were finally driven away by the village notary, a holy man; but they took the peasant with them, for he vanished utterly. A devil thrown out of a woman by the Archbishop of Rheims ran through the trees, pursued by a hundred persons, until the open country was reached, where by a leap higher than a church spire he escaped into a bird. A chaplain in Cromwell's army exorcised a soldier's obsessing devil by throwing the soldier into the water, when the devil came to the surface. The soldier, unfortunately, did not."
~Ambrose Pierce
ah, the beauty of being vague.
1 Pirate |
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mudpiegrl
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2005 3 April :: 3.50am
pEaNuT bUtTeR
you know, i like pEaNuT bUtTeR. you can have it smooth or chunky and it shows by the label. its good on bread, but with celery too. you can open it up when you want it, and it's there, until you run out...but pEaNuT bUtTeR seems to last forever. its pleasently sticky so you cant possibly forget it in a moment, but not so much to be STUCK in your teeth and annoying. what's awesome is how everyone here knows what pEaNuT bUtTeR is, so when you ask for it, they open their pantry.
So thank you to all my friends for giving me some pEaNuT bUtTeR when i crave it. :-D
4 Pirates |
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mudpiegrl
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2005 2 April :: 1.17am
:: Music: washer twisting, head pounding, computer buzzing...i gotta work on the music thing
today...like waht a normal journals about.
soooooooo...spring break is almost over.....
::pouts:: but i want an oompa loompa now daddy!
sorry...we listend to spotlight songs in the car today during our random two hour half-lostness...
there were oompa loompas in spotlight. they had red and pink striped leotards with legs and then shiny yellow jumpers (an overall skirt) and hats! they looked like oompa loompas to me.
anyway. tonight was a girls night. it was a party. we visited jill at the movie theatre because we were going to see a movie but then decided against it. then we drove. for a while. we were going to go to libertyville sports complex to see if campy's band was playing a joke or if they were actually playing...cuz its LSC...a weird place for a concert...and it was free...and campy said he needed an amp...and then didnt...so yea...but we didnt know where it was...so that went no where...then kristen decided we should look for mitsuwa...that landed us in wakegan...the opposite direction of mitsuwa...lol.
so then...we went back to the movie theatre cuz sandy wanted to talk to elliot and we were waiting for jill to get off work. they wanted to play an april fools joke on elliot and get stunkel to hit on him...he's a total homophob. but stunkel couldnt do it seriously...but then sin city let out and jeff happened to be there with all his friends. jill convinced him to do it and elliot just got pissed. it was good fun. later, justin was there. he saw sin city too but he was out having a cigarette (yuck!), but he got the irken symbol tattooed on his ankle, which could not be a cooler symbol. as much as i hate tattooes, i would get one.
then we watched friends at jackies house. kristen was not very happy about this. lol. oh well. jill showed up in a bit and then i took kristen home. she was pleased to know stunkel smiles at her name. :) yay kids!
all is happy and complete!
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mudpiegrl
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2005 1 April :: 2.42am
:: Music: "Sally's Song"~TNBC
situation
sense there´s something in the wind
That feels like tragedy´s at hand
And though I´d like to stand by him
Can´t shake this feeling that I have
The worst is just around the bend
What will become of my dear friend?
Where will his actions lead us then?
Although I´d like to join the crowd
In their enthusiastic cloud
Try as I may, it doesn´t last
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