Toki
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2004 11 October :: 1.03am
:: Mood: crappy
.......................
4 Pirates |
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mudpiegrl
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2004 11 October :: 12.09am
:: Mood: exhausted
:: Music: Disturbed- "Believe"
i might die if i see more gray.
there is too much gray in steel "ironworks" for ragtime.
i shall murder it.
i made this font gray but i wont look at it after i write it cuz i have to fix my resume.
no one told me that we were done and could go home so i was la de daing (cleaning brushes) and christine walks up. i guess ti was time to go. yea.
oh. goli pisses me off. she probably doesnt read this, no one does, but if she does then she can know.
i hate when people lie to you by saying that you are one of their good friends and that...and complain wehn you dont invite them to things even though you dont consider them "good friends". they are just those people who you say hi to in the halls, know a few things about, and could talk to for a few hours if need be.
i dont mind that she does that; whatever. but then, we get to allstate and now she just ignores me entirely. which, by itself, doesnt bother me at all. its the combination.
thats all now.
g'night...fixing resume now!
1 Pirate |
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Toki
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2004 10 October :: 1.58am
Tonight was awesome.
I met Howard Shore. I shook Howard Shore's hand.
Maybe some of his talent transferred to me in that hand shake. Hm.
The concert was awesome. They played The Breaking Of The Fellowship and Riders Of Rohan. And Into The West. So good times with that one.
I also got the crazy german conductor's autograph too. He was funny. He spelled my name wrong, then felt bad and fixed it. Ah haha. Funny Germans.
Ok. Good night people.
I don't know how I managed to work almost every day in the summer. I worked last night and now the last thing I want to do is go in for a second time this weekend. Maybe I just hate opening. Well, I know I hate opening. Crappy opening. -.-.
-Patrice
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Toki
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2004 7 October :: 12.51am
Shit.
Crap.
Fuck.
I don't do good with staying up late. I need to sleep. I'll finish my paper in the morning. Screw it all.
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Anytngbtordinary
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2004 5 October :: 12.39am
Speechless
I don't know what to say. Do I have to talk?
1 Pirate |
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Toki
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2004 3 October :: 11.21pm
:: Mood: okay
I do not want a friend who smiles when I smile, who weeps
when I weep, for my shadow in the pool can do better than that.
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Toki
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2004 30 September :: 12.47am
:: Mood: pissed off
It isn't too hard to do, in theory. Why is it so difficult then?
I'm dissappointed in myself, honestly. Truly dissappointed and pissed off at no one else but myself.
Why am I such an idiot?
Eeeeerrrg.
Forgive me for the lack of update-age followed by a few rather negative entries. It's like...a dam kind of. Everything all blocked up. And yeah. The damn dam is breaking. I'm dying. Expect some angst here. Wooopie. I'll be ok in person though. People don't like angsty people. You're always "mad at this person" or whatever. You know? Assumptions suck. That's my deep thought of the day.
I don't know.
Find me a way to clear my head for a few hours, and I'll be a happy person. Maybe.
-Me.
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Anytngbtordinary
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2004 28 September :: 7.13pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: She Will Be Loved- Maroon 5
Mind if i cry out in pain in frustration? Well I'm going to. Its my journal. Not that my crying will do anything....especially in situations where things can't be changed...you feel like theres no where to move.
I shouldnt of watched the movie. Its so...amazing...but i shouldnt of watched it. I shouldnt watch it.
Have you ever thought about what would have happened if you had done something a little bit differently? Of course... i think just about every one does...but i mean...wondering what would have happened say if you... snuck out of your house when you were grounded or in the middle of the night to see someone or something. How much of a difference would that make? Would it make you realize anythign new? Just cause more problems? Probably yes to both. It just seems like my whole life right now has become memories...what with the movie, psychology we are talking about the mind and memories and what happens if part of your brain is damaged and how you could lose your short term and or long term memories. Then of course i'm just letting myself be overcome by them. I'm at a point right now where even good memories have gone bad. By that I mean...they all lead to something bad and crappy eventually. This movie is getting me to think too much.
Yeah so... I think i'm going to apply for a college far away. I hope that one day i look back on how im acting and just laugh...and not feel anything. I hope that all this...all these stupid feelings and crap will just become something for me to laugh at. One day all of this will mean nothing. Right?
"I'm just a fucked up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind."
I like that. I think I'm like her in some ways. I'd totally do that and act like that and say those types of things...
This probably won't be up long...so leave comments if you wish. They can be anonymous as well...I'd like to see what you all are thinking or hear some advice or just any thing. Thanks.'
~Jackie
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Toki
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2004 27 September :: 12.22am
I love Garden State
If you don't laugh at yourself, life is going to seem a lot longer than you want it to.
Did I mention I love Garden State??
Ok. Good.
-Patrice
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Toki
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2004 26 September :: 11.58pm
:: Mood: listless
I feel like such an idiot. This sucks so bad. I don't know what else to say. Damn.
Don't ask me what or why I'm saying this. You'll just think I'm overreacting.
Just..wow.
-Patrice
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mudpiegrl
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2004 24 September :: 6.33pm
:: Mood: frustrated
i just told my mum how frustrating it is when she walks out when someone says something or plugs her ears or starts yelling back. she yelled but even you guys who dont live here know she doesnt really listen but she wants us to listen.
she started telling me to go do my homework. i cant believe she had the nerve to tell me to do that when everyday ive come home and said i cant talk i have to go do my homework. how can she say that when i come home and tell her how much i love school.
how can either of my parents tell me to clean my room or say its too messy when im doing more things than both of them put together.
i try to be so patient with them but i get yelled at for not being home for dinner.
on the other hand, i think im losing weight, but im sort of worried about it. i havent been sleeping adequetly enough nor have i been eating much...im always hungry and when i do eat, its not healthy. neil said i looked thinner and my pants are much loser than normal.
i really want to go run because ive been meaning to...but im too tired now although i still might...and in the morning i dont get up early enough. normally i dont have a moment at home. im awake here only about two and a half hours any way...and most of it is getting ready for school or work.
im really happy with how well my life has been going lately, contrary to how i was feeling the last month and a half or so. i hated myself and idndt want to do anything. now im fine but no matter how much i want to clean my room (its difficult to walk through), i dont have time or energy. i dont understand why my parents care so much, in fact, i figure they dont care. i think they have nothing else to complain about and so figure that its the only imperfection. im not sitting at home like mum, im not asking for significant amount of money to spend on nothing like tyler, im successful in what i want unlike my dad...and so i figure they dont know what else to say. im not around enough for them to pick apart my character and dont give them the opportunity to critique my life. all they know is that i am doing better than any of the rest of all my family did in high school, regardless of my lack of grades.
im feeling better now...this is a good destresser.
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toki
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2004 24 September :: 9.41am
:: Mood: Not bad
So my computer has been down for a while. It¡¦s back up, but I¡¦m too lazy to go on at night anymore. I think I half cured my addiction. I¡¦ve been sleeping before midnight. Woo me. On my way to recovery. :-P
So yeah. Update on me. I¡¦ve started propping and I¡¦m so incredibly excited for this show. I¡¦m actually designing a lot of things for this show. Before it was more ¡§buy this, buy that¡¨. Which is fun, but this is uber-fun. I hope it works though. Especially my blood transfusion device. ƒº You all have to come see it. Well, most of you are working on it. But everyone has to see my blood transfusion! This show is going to be good, I think. I hope. It better be.
So I¡¦m working tonight. Closing box. Woo. :-P. It¡¦s going to be weird though. And that¡¦s that. I¡¦m shutting up now.
I have like two minutes left. No insanely detailed update of my life. Sorry folks. Maybe later, dudes. Maybe.
-Patrice
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mudpiegrl
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2004 22 September :: 12.54am
Your Dream: job interview squirrel goose geese car
Words like job: Work on fulfillment. Frustrated or satisfied with life.
Words like squirrel: To see squirrels in your dream foretell you will acquire a few new friends and there is happiness in the home.
Words like geese: They might bring an extensive journey surrounded by good fortune.
Words like car : Personal power. Ego.
i think thats good...
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Anytngbtordinary
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2004 20 September :: 5.31pm
:: Mood: ecstatic
After doing well on the math test, getting a soccer ball, and hearing about stuff at the backlight meeting... i came home and got this:
Dear Jacqueline:
Congratulations! The Admissions Committee is pleased to offer you admission to the School of Science {at Purdue University}!!!!
YAY!!!!!!! I'm excited...i cant believe how fast that came! I sent in my application on the 9th and they sent this on the 14th!!! Now i just have to turn in my essays for 2 applications and get the U of I one and im set. :)
Ok so thats my exciting news for today :-D
Bye!
~Jackie
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Toki
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2004 17 September :: 12.09am
:: Mood: Weird
So yeah. I spent all day at Ryan's house. With his friends. Which was weird, I admit. All boys. Lol. Too much boy for one girl. Plus, it was kind of awkward. I don't think his friends like me too much. ::shrugs:: Not much you can do, I guess.
I ate pizza tonight though. :-) I'm uber proud of myself.
That brings me to my next point, if you know I haven't eaten all day and you see me refusing to eat, telling you I don't feel well, make me eat a little something, ok? Or just make me drink something. I'm not good at this.
Ok. that's that. Insanity. Weirdness. Football tomorrow. Woo.
-Patrice
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