we talked and then headed to get sandy ice cream...not that she needed any...
and then to blockbuster after realising patrice couldnt find now and then and freaking her out at her house with my headlights and corny bean.
and then we came and made cookies
and sandy kim left after abotu twenty minutes of Now and Then
and trix and i talked til five in the morning...
then...today we woke up and trix had to go get her retainer..
and sandy called
this is the part i feel bad about.
neil and i were supposed to see The Notebook yesterday...but he didnt want to see two movies in one day
so we decided to see it today
but i neglected to tell sandy and patrice that...
but we didnt go see the movie
and i invited sandy to go to caribou...but she didnt want to...so i went out with neil anyway
we went to potbellys and jamba juice...
then we bought his shirts and went to the bank...
stupid fucking bank...
i deposited 117 dollars but they wouldnt let me take out twenty dollars cuz im not a signer
theres this huge sale at the mall...
EVERY STORE!!!
its amazing and i wanna spend some money
i wanna buy clothes and a hat!
i wanna hat this summer
i already have my birthday list...althoguh i know half of its not going to happen its just what i want
"White Fluffy Clouds"
{Brandon Boyd's [of Incubus] book of artwork}
"The Lovely Bones"
String Tribute to Incubus
A Job
A Job
A Job
A curling iron
a new burner or fix mine or soemthing...
and just gift certificates...
hot topic
kohl's
barnes and noble
best buy
i just got told by my brother that basically, im stupid for getting mad at neil for the shit i do cuz its dumb and i should know that at the end of the night he's "coming home" with me.
but...its hard to think of the big picture when you're in the mist of it.
::
2004 30 June :: 12.15pm
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: Numb-Linkin Park. Its stuck in my head.
Tetrasodium Prophosphate
So yeah. I've been journaling for almost a year and a month and I only have 235 entries. I'm sad. So I must get my butt..well fingers..moving...ok typing...and get those entries coming out more often. I'll be a journal machine.
Yeah, I got my retainer. Poo. I just get my braces off then BOOM new torture. Thanks dude.
Yeah, so last night was fun. Sandy Kim was freggin insane. But that's normal. Hehe. Yeah, then Jorie scard the crap out of us by driving into an abandoned parking lot. Damn girl. Lol.
Yeah, so Jorie and I pretty much did the sleepover thing. Talked. Alot. About what the hell tetrasodium prophosphate is and why the hell it's in marshmallows. Poor poor us. Digesting dangerous chemicals just to enjoy a big puff of horses hoofs and sugar. Mmm..
So yeah, mom picked me up early. For retainer. I just glared at her. ::glare:: Like that.
So 4th of July is coming soon. People should get together. Because it's my first day off of work. Because Friday and Saturday I work. Then Sunday...freedom! Ha, get it? 4th of july? Freedom? So party. Yeah.
My entries are always so long. It's kind of fun. I like writing about absolutly nothing. Because honestly, that's all you can write in these journals now without offending atleast six people. Not that it's a bad thing. It's the way to world turns, dudes.
I need pants. I just took a shower and I'm sitting here in my pj bottoms and I can't find my pants. Damn pants.
dooom di doom. if you can't tell, I have really nothing to say. In the shower I discovered that can recite the first 20 minutes of Now and Then without having the movie there. Probably more, but my shower got cold so I stopped talking to myself.
"Here I am baby, signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours!" Woo hoo oldies.
I want to find some deep lyrics to put in here. Like..look at me. I am deep. Alas, I am not deep it seems. I am me. And me means no entries that make you go...hmm...or go..wow..what a good writer. I write things that make you go...Wow. is she a boring person?
My response? Yes! Boring in my middle name. After Elaina that is. Patrice Elaina Boring Gentile. So it's not really my fault I ramble for hours about absolutly nothing. It's in my genes, man. Dude. But not in my jeans, because I can't find them. Ha. (Refer to paragraph above if you find that comment "dirty". I know some of you have gutter heads. Tsk tsk.)
Sometimes I would like to think my intelligence level is above what I write in here. I sound so...unintelligent sometimes. One day I will put something in here that is smart sounding.
I should do that thing. That 101 things you don't know about me. Except I'm a pretty open person. Hmm..thatd be fun though. I'll start now. I'll spread it out over a few entries.
I'll start in another entry. I'll just post this one For my many fans to read. Bye dudes.
-patrice
only recently have i realised what a sweetheart he is...and how much he really cares about people around him...and for that, i have admired him.
he shows a certain support that no one else does.
and would sit with you in silence while you cried...just to be there.
here's proof:
This letter applies to people at Neil's
party that happened last weekend.
I am well aware of the fact that our anti-social
behavior might have caused some anger. I assume
that nobody's mad at me, but only because I'm
single and have no special someone to spend time
with. As for Neil, I believe he should have had his
priorities in order, and probably Spencer as well
(although it seems Jill wasn't too pissed
off...) she was occupied. My personal reason for sitting down and
playing video games for 11 straight hours is that I
already had had a pretty fun conversation, I drove
Benton's truck around the block, and got bored
playing guitar. There was honestly nothing else to
do, so I completely understand where you guys
were coming from if/when you talked about being
bored. I do look up to Neil, but I believe that he
should have played the part of host a little bit
better and tended to his guests before joining us
in playing a game- especially his girlfriend, who
it seemed everyone else noticed was a little bit
steamed (and quite a bit bored) except for him.
If you have not visited the forums lately, I
posted a similar comment to this already. (i'm
sending this out, in case nobody bothers to read it
anymore.)
It is one of my strongest opinions that hosts of
parties should never indulge in a single activity
with a stagnant group of people for the entire
occasion. Doing so alienates certain people. I
have been at parties where the hosts were so
involved entertaining one or two people that they were
unaware that some new guests had arrived. I try
to avoid this sort of behavior when I have people
over, party or otherwise. Before I go about
tooting my own horn, I'll stop myself.
funny...he still doesnt see that everyone else was bored....he keeps saying "there was nothing else to do"...but why were there other people doing nothing too...talking is not against all party rules.
::
2004 28 June :: 9.33am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: shower running through pipes over my head
horoscope
Greetings Virgo
Here is your horoscope for the week of June 28 through July 4
Chances for a meeting with someone special are there for you on Monday, when the Sun trines Uranus. If you have been feeling left out, and drowning in all the social responsibilities you have, then it is time to remedy the situation. You need some excitement and a chance to freak out once in a while. Being so perfect just isn't possible all the time. Venus in your house of career turns direct on Tuesday. Now you can make progress, and use your charm to help the process go even more smoothly.
Doom di doom. The Rice is back. Time to Par-tay. Except not really. North Carolina wasn't terrible. It was kind of funnish. Climbed a 152 foot tall light house. Go me. Got hit on by a 20 year old. Creepy. Rode 6 miles on a bike. Ow. Swam alot. Got sunburned. Bought a pirate doll made out of coconuts.
As exciting as that is, I'm glad I'm home. Except the sun sets there were prettier. The moon is better from here though. I saw a shooting star one night there. It was cool...except Wender ruined it "It's probably just a falling satalite". Thanks dude.
Went to Neil's graduation doo-hickie last night. It was fun. I was just tired beyond belief. And yeah, when I'm tired my bad moods like to show up a bit. So yes. I usually do good at hiding anger and such from friends when we're just all hanging out, but when I'm tired that takes way too much energy. And I'm sorry.
I have to call the movie dude soon about working. I don't want to work. I want to work in a library and shelf books. I don't want to have to sell tickets and meet other employees. But Jill's having an easy time of it, so it can't be too hard. But Jill is ten times better at people skills then I will ever be. She's ten times better at alot of things. So is everyone else. Oh well dudes. I'm used to being second best, second choice. It's fun.
So my dad woke me up at 9am today. I wanted to kill him. And you know it's bad when you wake up angry. Nothing happens and your day already sucks. So Patrice is trying to not be angry anymore. As hard as it is to believe, Patrice is a very angry little person. And anger leads to bad things. Like yelling and hitting of siblings and walls and getting even more angry at stupid little things. And hitting walls hurts like hell. And yelling at people who just happen to get in the way ruins friendships and familyships.
Do any of my readers have anger issues? If so, how do you deal with your anger? Because my methods don't seem to work.
Hmm...ks. Time to go do something with my life. Bye.
::
2004 27 June :: 12.51am
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: the fierce beating of my heart
fucking boys!
so neils party was today...and it was fun...until the guys started to play video games...
for like four straight hours~same spots, same game...same shit!
so...obviously not able to join the girls relocated...soon to be overtaken by more videogame whores (like gaz from Invader Zim)...jackie, hul and benton...they wanted to race...so we left...actually....i left. people were playing guitar...cant do that...and on the computer...can do that at home...flirting (when they arent supposed to) ....and what else? video gaming. i dont think patrice had very much fun near the end either...she askeed me to go for a walk...
what pissed me off too, is that melanie...remember...dangerous girl from a few months ago...gave him boxers...
i thought it was weird for girlfriends to give guys boxers...but she did...
then...after five hours or so of not talking to me...and after i had left several times to drop people off or just plain leave...he noticed i was gone...probably only cuz goli or melanie asked where i was.
so when i went back...still playing...still fucking playing...
"neil, i'm leaving"
and melanie asked for a ride...
and neil asked for a hug...
what the fuck!?!
yea...thats right...wtf!
after all that not-spending-time with anyone thing...you want a fucking hug?
so i took her home...she forgot her purse...may i allow myself to state that my fucking gas light is on!??!
so i take her back to neils...she gets the purse...and i take her home...
i get home
"i dont wanna go home..."
i go back to neils...im gonna tell him im mad.
i go in.
he comes out with me.
"you realise you didnt spend any time but a whole ten minutes with me?" (yea, of nine hours...wonderful boyfriend) "cuz you were playing video games....i tried to get you outside and i tried to get your attention cuz im bored as fuck" (goli and i carried him outside to play wrestle but low and behold...he went to play games, complaining about how he was winning....fucker)
"you're mad at me for trying to have fun?
"whatever...bye."
no hug for the noo noo...
no kiss for the noo noo...:-D
i realise its sorta dumb...but being a host to the party, you cant just forget half you guests.
whatever...::Sigh::
its wonderful the mother isnt home...free reign.
no gas tho...anyone know where a citgo is around here? its the only card i have.
::
2004 27 June :: 12.24am
:: Mood: nauseated
:: Music: My Cat Purring
Home Again
Sorry if I was a poop tonight. I was just exhausted. Waking up at 6am chicago time and falling asleep 1 am chicago time for two weeks did not do me good. And waking up at five. Wooo. And I don't think that Mountain Dew was good for this. I feel sick.
I'm so excited to be back and with people again. Why? Because they aren't family. And they don't treat me like shit. Yay.
(So I had this whole thing here....it's gone now. Sorry folks. )
me"why'd you stay?"
him"because if i went home, id just worry if you were ok. i didnt want to think of you crying and wish i was here helping you stop."
fight with mother
she started asking neil when hes going to canada to start his cruise to alaska...
in two weeks she wants to send me on the same flight to canada so i can spend time with the relatives which ive been dying to do.
only thing is...ive been promised soo much...that i give up on believing her...and so i told her so
and neil told me it seems like i pick my fights with her...
so i explained to him how hard it is to have patience with her...
because she doesnt remember and she repeats and shes slow and she hates people for no reason and gets pissed off so easily....and the whole bit....with examples...
and i had to do laundry
so i got up...and she was sitting on the stairs...
that pissed me off...
that is horrible disrespect.
and neil calmed me down...because hes a sweetheart...
but i asked if it bothers him when i talk about my family and stuff...cuz i told him how jealous i am of his perfect family and family outings and kind mother who cleans his room and shit...
and he said "it bothers me when you upset yourself"
for some reason
my heart dropped
and it hurt
i dont understand. why did it hurt when i heard that?
maybe i dont want to hurt him...
or maybe because i realised i just spent twenty minutes of his time making him hate me.
maybe thats why...
im not sleeping for a while...
i dont want my eyes to be puffy in the morning...
i talked to 'shonsky:
im cold-hearted and horrible.
him hey
me hi
how are u
am okie nad you
ehh i've been better but otherwise ok
why
I"m jsut getting sick of ppl
oh yea?
who
jsut ppl overall
like not everyone but ppl
lol
yea....right....you're lying
no i'm not...i'm sick of Disrespect from ppl
no one respects me..
i know
have you ever thought of soem disrespect you show them as well tho?
yea i know i do 2
an egotistical, overpowering image you have...everyone thinks you see yourself as better as they are
but i'm ont
no matter how confident you really are...thats how you appear and sound
you're teling me you're not...but im telling you why you arent respected
you should listen to me rather than deny
no no ...i don't think of myself better than tohers
am friends with the people you work iwth everyday mike....
lol
yea
you dont understand...im not saying you really do
im telling you how you appear
how people want to treat you because they feel like you treat them like they are all beneath you
when most of them have been in theatre longer than you
there is only one person i don't respect or think of as an older brother.....and that is Chris...i have no respect for Q and Stunkel at all..otherwise i love them all like ppl i ahve respect for
battlestarre: why dont you respect Q and stunkel
Q shows my no respect from square on.....he yelled at me cause he was 3 hours late for a rental...and stunkel...hes a great guy but i jsut can't take him seriously...i came home with a headache today..
but Chris, wender, Hul, Spencer, I lvoe them..the are like my father.without them i would know notihng.....i have no disrespect for them at all....i have more respect for them then i do for a lot of ppl......i just try to fit in with them...fit in with everyone..
stunkel....hes tough to understand...he is one who was never really taught how to be pissed off....either that or grew up in a place where he saw so much hurt and pain that he only wants to make the world happier.....same reason i dont get down that much
Q......
this is the reason he disrespects you
honestly, just like a good amount of us
hes jealous
waht
your parents would do ANYTHING for you
jealous
listen to me
just fucking listen
ok
both him and stunkel live in apartments
his parents are divorced
his mother hates him....tells him so....tells him everyday how much of a disgrace he is...how she wishes he was never born....
he goes to his dads and gets the shit beat out of him
tehy dont give a shit about his theatre
his accomplishments
you
you have money
you have people who love you in your house
no matter how much they say to you about your weight
they care because that is your health
they call teachers to tell them taht you deserve better
obviously because they truely believe it
mike...Q......he....he is struggling to get his hours sheet signed.
you see?
its tough man
and you were talking about you new car and you twenty dollar allowence
thats tough to take
not only that
when you began.....and youve gotten better but still do this
you acted like you had years under your belt
and knew exactly what you were doing
and as a result of that....are better than everyone else
because you know more
that pisses EVERYONE off
it always has
and i totally understand
if all your life you havent been respected by your peers
because i never was either
theres a certain point where you need to gain their trust
the fact that you try to fit in
let me point out how horrible this is
you should not do this so much as be yourself
i know youve heard it a thousand times
but doing what you're told...asking questions if you really dont know
being among friends rather than being among children
do you understand waht i mean?
............yes.....
really or are you just saying so?
no...i jsut never new this
i know
i'm crying
but can you honestly tell me that if someone tried to tell you you would listen?
all i wanted to do was to fit in..but instead all i did was make it worse
or would you think they were trying to be horribly mean?
exactly
but people give you loads of chances
if you work on it
ill tell everyone to chill
really
like i sorta see where youre coming from because your parents seem like control freaks....which would result in such
sorry i dont wanna make you cry.
but the truth hurts.
::hug::
you just gotta work on it okie?
:i know exactly waht to do
okie good
just dont hurt yourself okie?
ok...
i dont know if the mood word realy works....but it sounds smooth with a bump [the p] and ends with a snap...like my day!
neil was sweet
i wasnt feeling well...and he got me water and i told him not to kiss me so he didnt get sick and he didnt and then wehn i was leaving he told me to go to sleep early and not stay out til like midnight so you can get better...:)
::
2004 21 June :: 3.20pm
:: Music: "Lightning Crashes"~Live
i forgot to say i played in the rain today!!!
neil burned me a whole bunch of songs
heres one of them
"Lightning Crashes"
lightning crashes, a new mother cries
her placenta falls to the floor
the angel opens her eyes
the confusion sets in
before the doctor can even close the door
lightning crashes, an old mother dies
her intentions fall to the floor
the angel closes her eyes
the confusion that was hers
belongs now, to the baby down the hall
oh now feel it comin' back again
like a rollin' thunder chasing the wind
forces pullin' from the center of the earth again
I can feel it.
lightning crashes, a new mother cries
this moment she's been waiting for
the angel opens her eyes
pale blue colored eyes,
presents the circle
and puts the glory out to hide, hide
