:: 2002 22 November :: 11.22 pm

so yeah. we won. 13-7 ATL vs McArthur which means we advance to the state semi finals??

Tonight was the worst night I've had in a while... I seriously had an emotional break down in the stands... just soo much is going wrong right now and i have so much shit just pent up inside of me... I fucking hate boys. Thats it... its just all tumbled down hill... first with Chris then Troy then Shane and now Matt... what the fuck.. i've probably got to have the worst luck in the world with guys... Chris is barely talking to me.. he saw Shane and I kissing and got really really pissed off for what reason who knows... My relationship with Troy has completely deteriorated... What happened with Troy is happening now with Shane.. cept i think i'm in Troys place and Shanes acting like me which sux cuz i'm stubborn and welll yeah... it pisses me off that Shanes with Sam now.. ehh not pisses me off cuz i realize now that i shouldn't have even touched that one but i don't know... its just fucked up how he was all like " i liked you so much blah blah blah" and now its like i don't even exist.. i fucking hate people that lie. Matt... i don't know.. tonight, yesterday.. everythings soo fucked up.

Right now I just wish Kevy was here... when i was flipping out thats all I could think of.. how much I just wanted to be walking to Starbucks w/him & just venting. Everything is falling apart all around me and I can't do a damn thing...

oh.. another bad note... many of you may know him as Jenn's man... Donald Sprenkel #45 was injured tonight :0( He really fucked up his knee bad... Jenn was sooo upset and I was all upset and we sat there and cried together. I feel soo bad 4 him.. this completely ruins all of his football oppurtunities... the bitch was good too! So yeah.. we may not win next week because he is one of our important players.. joy.

5 days till I get my Kevy back ...

10 TOUCH THE WATER!!!s | LeAvE a PiEcE oF yOuR mInD!

:: 2002 21 November :: 8.07 pm

so yeah. the right decision? i don't know anymore...

i hate not being in control of my emotions... its so superficial.. as much as i try to hide my broken heart it seems to leak out in the most unlikely places... i'm just afraid of hurting more people...

i just want it to stop...

4 TOUCH THE WATER!!!s | LeAvE a PiEcE oF yOuR mInD!

:: 2002 21 November :: 6.56 pm

[Current Clothes] ummm my orange billabong hoodie yo! haha and ummm orange shorts
[ Current Mood] eh... but then again does that really surprise anyone?
[ Current Music]The Juliana Theory
[ Current Taste] pickles lol
[ Current Make-up ] ehhh very smudged blue eyeliner and uhh yeah.
[ Current Hair ] down & tangled
[ Current Annoyance ] boys. boys annoy me a lot.
[ Current Smell ] pickles.
[ Current Thing ] thing?
[ Current Desktop Picture ] i don't remember
[ Current Favorite Artists] ummm TJT, TBS, STD, soo many others
[ Current Favorite Group ] any of the above i'm very emo-y lately
[ Current Book you're reading] The Bell Jar
[ Current CD in CD Player] Saves The Day
[ Current DVD in player] A walk to remember
[ Current Color Of Toenails ] chipping metallic red :0P
[ Current Refreshment ] ginger ale
[ Current Worry ] fuck worrying.

LAST PERSON...
[ You Touched ] Matt[ You Talked to ] Alex K.
[ You Hugged ] Matt[ You Instant messaged ] Alex
[ You Yelled At ] Matt
[ You Kissed ] Matt

FAVORITE...
[ Food ] i'm a sucker 4 Latino food ;0P
[ Drink ] DrPepper or Cherry Coke
[ Color ] pink/orange/purple/red/yellow its all good :0P
[ Album ] Taking Back Sunday - Tell all your friends
[ Shoes ] my tie dyed orange converses!
[ Candy ] raisinets, twizzlers, gummi bears
[ Animal ] giraffe
[ TV Show ] tricky... i'm a sucker for Gilmore Girls lol
[ Movie ] I like a lot of movies...
[ Dance ] me, dance??? haha Skank it baby!
[ Song ] TJT - Don't push love away, pictures, stars, and dreams, Duane Joseph
TBS - Great Romances, You know how I do, Head club
STD - At your funeral, Nightingale, Through being cool
Dash - A plain morning
SP - Beautiful
[ Vegetable ] um.. i like carrots and potatoes
[ Fruit ] pears, apples.. its all good ohh oranges :0)[ Cartoon ] Sabrina the animated series[ Store ] no preferance really.
[ Kiss ]sweet ones but then passionate ones too
[ Hangout ] the beach & MY life guard tower :0P
[ Vacation ] Greece & Italy!!!! and Hawaii w/band

ARE YOU...
[ Understanding ] I'd like to think I am but I know i'm not... Well I guess I pretend to be a lot
[ Open-minded ] Very[ Arrogant ] I think so
[ Insecure ] more then i'm willing to admit
[ Interesting ] lol probably not
[ Random ] all the time.
[ Hungry ] only when i have nothing to do.
[ Friendly ] lol i'd like to think so but i'm sure others think differently
[ Smart ] i'm the stupidest IB person i know :0)
[ Moody ] lol ask Matt & Shane.. They got a LOT of my many mood swings this past week ::sigh:: i'm working on it :0(
[ Childish ] definately... i'm 8 after all right? heh ( more like the size of an 8 yr old :0P)
[ Independent ] sometimes..
[ Hard working ] when i want to be
[ Organized ] lol wheres my homework again? :0P
[ Healthy ] i'm convinced i have a brain tumor.
[ Emotionally Stable ] i'm really beginning to think that i'm really really not.
[ Shy ] sometimes.. around new people.. ehh new cute boys lol i'm really loud & outgoing w/the people i know though[ Difficult ] probably more then anybody.. maybe not Matt lol
[ Attractive ] lol how bout a big NO!
[ Bored Easily ] with guys? lol j/k
[ Thirsty ] all the time
[ Responsible ] apparently not.
[ Obsessed ] getting over it.
[ Angry ] more then i'd like to be.
[ Sad ] all the time... I wish I could just be happy... its like a drug.. i can get a temporary high sometimes but for the most part i'm crying inside
[ Happy ] inbetween lapses of sadness & depressino and crap.
[ Hyper ] heh meee hyper??? NOOOOO :0P
[ Trusting ]i try to be but i always find myself disappointed in the end.
[ Talkative ] lol now try to get me to shut up :0)

WHO DO YOU WANT TO...
[ Kill ]ehh... lets not go there.
[ Slap ] too many people... ignorant mostly
[ Get Real Wasted With] don't drink.
[ Get High With ] don't smoke
[ Look Like ] I don't know...
[ Talk To Offline ] ::sigh:: someone who I more then likely will never talk to ever again...
[ Talk To Online ] i think that would be the same person..
[ Date ] lol boys are tooo much trouble :0P Dating gets me in trouble... dykedom here i come!
[ Fuck ] o god.

... i hope that (you're) reading this... i hope (you) still care... hope.. is there a such thing?

LeAvE a PiEcE oF yOuR mInD!

:: 2002 20 November :: 11.05 pm

So yeah. Decision was finally made... for real this time.

Matt and I are going to try at it again. Why not... after two years of waiting for me its the least i could do :0P heh j/k... seriously though... its funny how we started out freshman year... Jenn liked Matt soo I never really looked at him (cuz thats what bestfriends r 4 :0P) and I was sooo into Paul (Matt's bestfriend lol) well... Fresh year Matt & I were just all flirty but never really thought that he liked me like that... the sophomore year... we spent exactly a month not talking to eachother (i really can't remember why lol) and it was just kinda terrible for awhile but then things got better and he eventually came out w/it & told me how he'd liked me since freshman year and was just scared to tell me and shit. We went out for exactly 2 weeks then I dumped him (i'm not exactly sure why but i think it was because of committment and stuff like that) and yeah... after all my shit I guess he must really like me :0D

Tomorrow is a half day! That makes me mucho happy heh Matt, Paul, Stephy and I are guna go do stuff & proly come back to my house to watch movies and such.

As happy as Matt makes me and all I still feel terrible about how I made Shane and Chris feel. Chris really isn't talking to me much and Shane... hes really sucking it up and trying to be a good sport which I appreciate more then anything in the world.

This time next week I'll have my Kevy Wevy back!!!!!!!!

7 days!!!!!!!!

3 TOUCH THE WATER!!!s | LeAvE a PiEcE oF yOuR mInD!

:: 2002 18 November :: 11.03 pm
:: Music: Wagner - Elsa's Procession to the Cathedral

LeAvE a PiEcE oF yOuR mInD!

:: 2002 17 November :: 4.04 am

4:02 am. Matt just left...

geez. i hope i know what i'm doing :0/

tonight was fun.. went 2 c Harry Potter w/Jess & Dom. Then 2 Dennys w/Dom & Chris = mucho fun.

around 2:00am Matt convinced me 2 let him come over. It was nice.. we just laid (sp?) there in eachothers arms for a long time and talked... and well yeah. He still wants me to go out with Shane... muy confundido :0(

bleh.

2 TOUCH THE WATER!!!s | LeAvE a PiEcE oF yOuR mInD!

:: 2002 15 November :: 11.39 pm

LeAvE a PiEcE oF yOuR mInD!

:: 2002 15 November :: 11.30 pm

ATL vs. Cooper City = 27-7!! soo yeah we're 11-0 and advancing on to the quarter finals!

So yeah. My love life is soooo freaking confusing :0( As of now its teh Shane vs. Matt question... Shane told me to go out w/Matt and Matt told me to go out with Shane.. bleh lol ummmmm. I don't know and it drives me NUTS! School was decent. Afterwards I went w/Matt 2 his house 2 pick up his stuff and we got a chance to talk... amazing i think considering most of the time we're yelling at eachother but yeah. He told me that he didn't really mean what he said in the email he sent me but that he wanted me to go out with Shane cuz after we'd break up then it wouldn't be an issue anymore. I'm not sure if i agree with that but ehh i duno... We then went 2 Drewish's house for Frugby. It was mucho funness & Ben G. got me a SAVES THE DAY shirt!!! I love it sooooo much. thank you Ben <3 Yeah. I missed STD last night :0( that really fucking blew... ummm Shane thought i was mad at him but i wasn't. After the game I told him that we were going back to Boca and he gave me the cutest but saddest look in the world :0/ After a kiss or two or three.. lol we were off! Us bums.. (me, Stephy & Jenn) ended up at Checkers on Atlantic Ave. where we bumped into AJ & Brock & supposedly Vanessa went through the drive thru but we didnt' see her. We talked bout guys and shit & Stephy made it known that she wants Paul lol then again Paul = total sexiness sooo who WOULDN'T want him heh

A wonderful day indeed <3

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:: 2002 14 November :: 11.23 pm

Today was excellent!

1st period was sooo fun... I spent the whole time drawing pictures on Sara B's leg... I drew an AMAZING pic of Keith on her left leg w/ Keith = Sexy next to it heh

3rd period I stole Drew's(ehh. Rosensweig not Drewish) Spiderman Sweater and swapped it with my Orange Billabong one. It was funny... my sweater is a small so it came really short on him.. he looked pretty damn sexy though :0P Band was okay.. I counted the 5/8 & 3/4 sections for Ms.Stoneman due to lack of better things heh

Lunch - Saw Shane, he looked REALLY good in his sweater & the EMO glasses lol Matt and Paul were skipping and invited me to leave with them to which i resisted... for a while anyways lol Ummmmmm... o yeah.. the drummers were all fucking around and Tucker stuck Shane in the face & he was bleeding and shit.. it was NOT pretty :0(

I ended up giving in (I know.. its SOOO bad!) Paul and I got into Matt's trunk (i'm an amazing contortionist haha) and Matt had a pink pass to leave school. Paul and I were really nervous bout leaving and the consequences if we were to get caught... It was soo scary when Matt was at the gate talking 2 Ben (the gate guard)... We heard voices and something bout Bellan (AP!) I got soo scared.. i started tearing up & Paul was just like "oh shit" I think I coulda died when Matt opened the trunk.. I swear I heard Ben or Bellan say something bout opening Matt's trunk... bleh but we got away... We ended up at Ben Garb's house for 3hrs watching billion episodes of a Makeover Story and Jenny Jones & Marching Festival tapes. That was fun cept Ben's devil 28lbs cat clawed me to death :0( Ehh we then dropped off Paul and I went back to Matts where I stayed for dinner.

After Matt's me, mommy & Vinh went 2 Town Center where Vinh got me an early X-mas present!heh I now own the pimpest orange tie-died converses! YES!!!!

An excellent mood most definately <3

LeAvE a PiEcE oF yOuR mInD!

:: 2002 14 November :: 6.39 am

the beginning of a new day.

past = let go.

future = here i come

:0)
.. my first smile in about a week <3

2 TOUCH THE WATER!!!s | LeAvE a PiEcE oF yOuR mInD!

:: 2002 12 November :: 7.39 pm

i fucking hate boys. they're so fucking worthless... only there to make you cry.

12 TOUCH THE WATER!!!s | LeAvE a PiEcE oF yOuR mInD!

:: 2002 12 November :: 6.53 pm

time. the universal healer? maybe.

as i start to fix my problems my life begins to settle and normality returns.

Two big obstacles in one week... leaving me weak but now I have the oppurtunity to stand up taller (shut up) then before. My heart still aches yet I know things are going to be okay and there are many oppurtunities in my future. I have been lucky... lucky to have friends that care about me and someone that still likes me regardless of everything that has happened. Thank you to {him} and to everyone else.

Free of obligation. This is what getting out of prison must feel like :0P (sorry... watched Oceans 11 for the 1st time yesterday heh)

15days till I get to see my Kevy Wevy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LeAvE a PiEcE oF yOuR mInD!

:: 2002 11 November :: 12.39 am

Tonight was really fun :0)

I ended up going to Merkel's halloween party and had a great time :0) This was the first year that I didn't bring anyone with me (like a guy) so I wasn't obligated to drag someone around and I could freely float around and mingle :0P I went as a Jester/fairy person with my very cool mask I got in Venice. The mask got really annoying so I ended up taking it off 10min into the party. Whigham, the Mobleys, Demony and this kid Chad ended up showing up. It was cool.. I hung out w/Demony a lot. They left at around 9:45 10ish. IT was really creepy.. when they were leaving that kid Chad came over 2 me and was all like "i think you're really cute" and started kissing my neck to which i pushed him away and was like GOODBYE!!! lol Lets see... I made Dom go & I stole his chair while using his phone to go online :0) Baby'nana! haha ummm Drewski was my "emo boy" bitch for the night hehe Drew makes a very, very sexy emo boy :0) ummm Merkel looked like Little Richard in his Hook wig. Umm... Leah brought a really cute Yugoslavian exchange student named Ivan. Courtney and Dennis were there and they were soooooo cute despite Courtney lookuing like a complete and utter whore! Kachina looked great and we enjoyed touching eachothers breasts' all night. All together a good night. I'm really glad I decided to go <3

Now... now i'm talking to Shane :0) soooo yeah. this is the end <3

goodnight world<3

2 TOUCH THE WATER!!!s | LeAvE a PiEcE oF yOuR mInD!

:: 2002 9 November :: 6.57 pm

VidaDura87: females r only good for 2 things....making babies and cleaning up after guys ;-)

wow. lol DOM = PIG!!! haha

6 TOUCH THE WATER!!!s | LeAvE a PiEcE oF yOuR mInD!

:: 2002 9 November :: 12.14 am

Atlantic vs. Olympic Heights 24-7
we're 10-0.. the perfect season.

Tonight was kind of depressing... Because of ... how can I say this, prior comittments? I have really fucked up potential relationships. Matt.. well Matt's a different story but Shane.. I think I've royally fucked that one up. He looked soooo good tonight it was ridiculous. He was wearing these very "emo" glasses and had on the tuba baret and I swear if he was wearing that sexy sexy sweater I think i woulda just raped him on the spot :0P You see.. this all sounds fine and dandy but no. He spent the whole night with Sam... GRRRR!!! A week ago and that woulda been just ME and now its not :0( Ashley says hes just doing it to make me jealous and he still likes me but I don't know... I think i'm going to call him tomorrow & c if hes going to the Halloween party.. I really hope he is...

After the game we went 2 Fridays where lots of people were. It was fun, we just hung out. On the way home Ash & I had the top down & we saw these two really cute guys at the stop light. One was in a white eclipse and the other was on a motorcycle type thing. We got smiles and waves :0) Its fun getting attention from cute boys :0P Now i'm home. It's 12:20... my bday :0) heh Vivi = dorko so yes.. get over it.

Thank you Kevy Wevy... you are my world <3

10 TOUCH THE WATER!!!s | LeAvE a PiEcE oF yOuR mInD!