well what else is there to do? i wondered before i nodded yes to go with them to the shops. i changed out of my uniform and cleats that still gleamed in the victory and happiness. amazing how lately my happiness has been in bursts. short but full of vigor when they come. i piled into the truck with the others. i remember how i used to prop my elbow up against the door and dream as i watched the town roll past. now i noticed myself just blankly looking ahead. not looking into the future or into the past but just staring into the vast emptiness that lays before me. we arrived in the parking lot and i slowly leapt out from the high seat of the truck as the others were already huddled in a group at the end of the truck bed. i walked ahead of everyone else and made it to the median. i crossed the street and stood on the double parallel bright yellow lines lookin for the perfect opportunity to cross to the sidewalk. a cherokee came close to not stopping at all. i walked past the chattering folk as they dined and drank out at their posh restauraunt. i have a growing dislike for those with money to throw around. maybe its just the jealousy in me coming out. i walked past the people sitting on benches, sipping coffee, and idling past the cleverly set up store windows as the group followed behind. we made it to the toy store and i blankly as a robot walked around the store. i played a small tune on the mini harp and sighed wondering when we would be leaving. we leave there but then end up at another store. here we are in this shop reeking of delicious smells in every direction. i picked up a bottle and smelled the cap. cherry blossom sent me back to 1995. suddenly i remembered being up in new york for my uncle's wedding. i was sitting on a curb outside of a tuxedo shop with my cousin and uncle. amazing how smells can bring back such memories. i know of a certain boy i will remember when i smell the roaring spray of the ocean, the sweet scent of the summer night, and pink popsicles. the lights on in this shop are blinding. i can feel it's uplifting atmosphere clashing with the dark stormy cloud above my head. everyone in the store is cheery as my younger cousin holds up a soap bottle and stands insanely still infront of the window. they all laugh as customers and window shoppers notice him and laugh, remarking what a wonderful mannequin he is. i crack a smile but that is it. i now know how a jack o lantern feels after we scrape its guts and seeds out...hollow. we leave, the people working in the store cheerfully telling my cousin he did a great job being a mannequin. they all want ice cream but i want solitude. i get the key to the truck and make my way, by myself, to the parking lot. i pass a large fountain and look up at the round old fashioned lightbulbs that are strung across it. how crazy that those lightbulbs make me want to dance. how i'd love for someone to take me by the hand under those lightbulbs. beforehand, turning on a boombox sitting on a nearby bench. pushin the play button so that my funny valentine by frank sinatra comes pouring out of the speakers like wine pouring out of a chilled bottle. we then slow dance around the great fountain under the bulbs and stars. not even noticing the people staring as we glided over the bricks. blinking that daydream was gone and i was still solo walking past the fountain and those lights. i made it to the parking lot and sighed as i found the truck. i crept up into it, cranked the engine on and tinkered with the radio. not one good song came on as i watched the people leave and enter the nearby spots. none of them even noticing me but what's new. my peace is broken when everyone comes banging on the windows. they all get in and we head out of the parking lot. finding myself still staring at the desolate wasteland ahead of me.

1 | glimpsed a bat with butterfly wings