The plot is slow.. take a nap
I am reallly bored on a Saturday night.. so I am going to write a (probably really long and boring) entry.
Anyways, i have recently read Paiges diary and i agree with her. What if every year I say \"o next year I\'ll meet him\" Then , basically I\'ll die alone and a cat will eat my tongue.
I\'ll be forgotten
Not that I\'m not already.
I\'m such a romantic; really i think true love could solve almost any problem. Naive? Again, basically I\'ll have a lot of problems because no one will ever love me accept for my parents and spike who really only wants my food and a stomach rub. Ugh. I look at all these kids in relationships. I am so envious. I\'m not doing so well on the ten commandments thing. Murder and all. But why not me? Stacey and Dana know why I am sure. Gosh haha i am so resentful now adays. I looked back yesterday.. i read some old journal entries. Its funny to look back. In my ninth grade planner i wrote Travis.. see that scares me. I am the worst at relationships. Seriously I can\'t even get over my 7th grade boyfriend. Shocker huh? Yeah I know. God I hate him so much. Sara ditched me. I wish i could find someone to hang out with or love or both that wouldn\'t make me feel bad about my self in one way or another.
I hate people who lie. Its funny, some people who say they are being honest but in reality they are hiding more things then they will ever let you know. The irony of it all. Shit i have this overwhelming urge to find this picture of him and me. Picture from hell. Micheal Lenoff? hmm What ever happened to him? How I fall so easily for those who have put me down. I think i like rejection, i mean i hold on long enough.. to everything. I was about to cry today .. and I know why. But i won\'t say. Also this has nothing to do with anything but i was listening to dashboard confessional today.. its been a long time.
*Don\'t get me wrong if i\'m looking kind of dazzled. I see neon lights whenever you walk by... Don\'t get me wrong if i\'m acting so distracted. I\'m thinking about the fireworks That go off when you smile...Once in awhile two people meet seemingly for no reason they just pass on the street Suddenly thunder showers everywhere and who can explain the thundering rain but there is something in the air*
My whole life centers around guys.. pathetic of course!!! woohoo to me.. see and the saddest thing is I should be doing homework.. Hey, but also i should have a life and i don\'t so its understandable.
Hmm Stacey has just called me and saved me from myself and the inner recesses of my thoughts. She has called to tell me that she has played DDR for the first time and possibly the last. Iceskating = not me.. and if it equaled me it be the funniest thing you have ever seen.
+Congratulations, you\'re beautiful
And full of yourself
Some friend you are+
some people like that. I\'m so ugh.. and so is Stacey ha!..EBO! says Allison. Ok well i am getting all funny so i should stop while i am ahead.. o yes bye

We should have rode the bumper cars
NEWS FLASH:
Rufus Wainwright is gay
I did not know that... now i do.
Not that I care.. more power to him i guess.
False alarm today.
It was rumoured that I might end my 15 year streak of no guys liking me.. Phew no worries. my record is still intact. Yay i am a single loser.. !
Hes a cool guy though but personally i wondered how math books and love added up.. And yes i know my calculus its says u+me=us.
2gether
of course
Arr
I'll get over the rejection sooner or later.
Have you ever noticed others stomachs. mmm
Some people should walk around with their shirt over their heads and little eye holes
'thats awesome*!'
Ugh thats an inside joke but o so funnny. Do not think i am insane.. though i am.
Amy came back to school today. ?
I am going ice skating today!!!!!!!
with paige and her posse. I don't have any balance but it will be fun.
I figure that some things people do because its habit. Like eating all the time. or other things.
I am quite disgusted, but i am a creature of habit.
and i have to stop..
incoherant.. yes..
I hope my stalkers get a load of this entry.
You're so last summer

Happy Birthday to me?

Odd no?

Everyones in love.. everyone except for me
Why I am in this constant state of singleton?
I have all of this love to give .. and no one to give it to.. nor could i find anyone that would even want it.
I want to be in love.
But mostly i want someone to love me back. Instead of all of this one sided love [infatuation] i've been doing ever since i was born.
QtSarah987: i feel slightly saddened
blueyed717: me 2 and why?
blueyed717: ok im just so dillusional! like honestly
QtSarah987: do tell
blueyed717: i always hope thing will happen, you know something good but they always seem to happen for toher peoplke
QtSarah987: (i am too)
blueyed717: now im not whining and compalining
blueyed717: im just saddened
blueyed717: like im such a fool honestly
blueyed717: to honestly think something good would ever possibly happen
blueyed717: i think i should jsut go on with my life no expecting not hoping for anything because whats the use
QtSarah987: now ur making me more saddened haha
blueyed717: ya know you think ok maybe just this once its different
blueyed717: o nononon
blueyed717: but its not
QtSarah987: me i was saddened because i want to be in love and for once someone to love me back and think i am worthy and it seems like everyone is so happy and i don't even have any memories of past love.. i just don't have anuything and i wish i did .. ur not actaully stupid to think .. everyone hopes for things i do.. and one day good things will happen to u instead of other
blueyed717: thats exactly how i feel
blueyed717: its like gosh for once jsut for once can something good happen
QtSarah987: well i guess we are both in the same boat
blueyed717: i mean again im happy you know
blueyed717: it jsut would be really really really nice if that would happen
QtSarah987: yeah i know
blueyed717: i mean just for once a guy to think maybe not the world but to think something of me
[i thought this conversation could explain it better then i could.]
s.o.s I am lonely and horrible..

Pass that shit
Last night all i wanted to do was cry
But i didn't, more like i couldn't.
Basically i feel horrible, because I have come to the realization (which i come to every couple of monthes) that i am .. horrible.
And I beleive that the only person who would think i am lying is Sara.
Thats nice my one friend who beleives in me.
Wait how many friends do i even have.
Maybe i shouldn't be friends with people who think i am unworthy.
Basically i have one friend
the end

running with pie
I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation
You're living in the past it's a new generation
A girl can do what she wants to do and that's
What I'm gonna do
An' I don't give a damn ' bout my bad reputation

Oh no not me

An' I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation
Never said I wanted to improve my station
An' I'm only doin' good
When I'm havin' fun
An' I don't have to please no one
An' I don't give a damn
'Bout my bad reputation

Oh no, not me
Oh no, not me

I don't give a damn
'Bout my reputation
I've never been afraid of any deviation
An' I don't really care
If ya think I'm strange
I ain't gonna change
An' I'm never gonna care
'Bout my bad reputation

Oh no, not me
Oh no, not me

An' I don't give a damn
'Bout my reputation
The world's in trouble
There's no communication
An' everyone can say
What they want to say
It never gets better anyway
So why should I care
'Bout a bad reputation anyway
Oh no, not me
Oh no, not me

I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation
You're living in the past
It's a new generation
An' I only feel good
When I got no pain
An' that's how I'm gonna stay
An' I don't give a damn
'Bout my bad reputation

Oh no, not me

That sums up how i feel about EVERYTHING
How come everyone thinks things that aren't true.. not now.. fuck! people change how they feel. I hate being the laughing stock. I hate everything. But i do not hate Halloween, Joan Jett, and of course PIE!!!!!!!! Dana, Jared and I are making a pie Website. Go pie! Halloween was spectacular. At the funeral, i finally cried.. a river in fact. I made everyone else cry too. I have that effect on people. Also everyone has been coming over the house. Screw you all i am eating pie!!!

May angels bring you in
My grandma died today, this morning around 11.
I didn't cry
She's been dead to me for a long time.
Ever since she got sick.
I thought she'd forget me before she died.
But she remembered me and how I didn't visit as often as I should've.
I meant to go this weekend
Instead I will see her on Thursday at her funeral.
I don't know how to feel.
I think my smile has been taken away.
Posing for pictures seems a little harder now.
I was hoping she would die soon, not that i didn't love her
I just didn't want her to suffer anymore.
I didn't want all of us to suffer anymore.
Can't wait for Halloween.
Does anyone else want to trick or treat as much as I do?

I can't wait for the world to spin, i can't wait to be happening"
Oddly, i am ready for the world to let me back on..
FUCK EVERYONE.
More jumping.. more laughter.. more concerts.. more happiness.. more friends.. less him.. a lot less. fuck him. I wrote a poem.. but i will not put it in. Cuz thats not happiness.
Shake more booty

Movie Quote time
The great advantage of having a reputation for being stupid: people are less suspicious of you.- 4 weddings and a funeral
Beginnings are scary. Endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most.
--Sandra Bullock Hope Floats
Every man dies. Not every man really lives.
--William Wallace From the movie Braveheart
Bah i am not in the mood anymore to waste my day looking for useless quotes.. but i will leave you with this:
"I feel as if my skin is the only thing keeping me from going everywhere at once. "
Things will happen in your life that you can't stop. But that's no reason to shut out the world.
"I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible"-
As we grow older, it becomes difficult to just believe. It's not that we don't want to, but too much has happened that we just can't.

Stop the world, I'm getting off
Why do the days keep zooming by. Please... slow down, wait for me, let me back on when i am ready.
I can't seem to get a grasp on life
a grasp on happiness.
I don't even think this can be considered "living"
Sitting here thinking.
I need as much time as i can get to try to stop crying.
To stop wanting so much.
To wait until I have it all, you.
I just wish the world would stop spinning so fast... I'm getting dizzy.