go away

:: 2005 21 February :: 4.29pm

yesterday hunter s. thompson shot himself in the head.

it was a dark day for american journalism.

i will miss you my gonzo role model.

love,
matthew james hinton.

:: 2005 21 February :: 5.12pm

And I was captured by her loneliness
A wounded tiger on the willowy path
Like an opalescent moon all alone
In the sky of a foreign land

Emo shit, I know. But still.

:: 2005 21 February :: 3.38pm

I never liked the idea of "relationships." To do all this with someone and yet mean so little to them. If I am to mean nothing to a person than I would rather there be no pretense. If I am to be meaningles then let it lay flat on the table with its face to the sky and let everyone know what it is.

But everything is shades of grey, I realize.

:: 2005 21 February :: 1.56am

i have a live version of this song and it tears me apart when i listen to it..glass slipper by the dresden dolls. so much feeling in her voice.

--
no one's asking to go dancing its not like that anymore
its romantic if they mean it when they shut your fingers in the door
its a gory sort of story thats been told a hundred times before
it gets tricky dont be picky if the slipper fits you wear it whore

how many tips can i take home tonight without them getting mad
how many stitches do you think it takes to fix a cut that bad
how many minutes until midnight and you get your eyesight back

not to knock it i've been off it never moving very much at once
its been awkward i still offer it when its that time of
other girls shower but i give out flowers
to curious strangers who throw dollars at my feet

how many crimes can i try spotting dry before it leaves a stain
how many times say that i love you til it doesnt mean a thing
how many fittings must i sit through with my big feet blistering
how many strips until it hits me and my big mouth strikes again

i'm not asking to go dancing i'm not that dumb anymore
its exhausting to keep smiling when your toes are bleeding through the floor
its a gory sort of story thats been told a million times before
don't be sorry just ignore me because honestly
i'm too sore from fitting exactly to ride into setting suns aching to
stand on my own two feet

how many wishes do i still have left to fix the way it ends
how many princes will it take to put a girl like this back together again
how many instances can you point out where i was less than kind
how many happy endings do you need to change your fucking mind
and how much time do we have left before it's midnight and
you see that i was never the right size?

--

beautiful...like someone i know.

love,
matthew james hinton

:: 2005 20 February :: 11.14pm
:: Music: Breaking Benjamin - Medicate

I'm the best procrastinator in all the land!

I'll even show you.
...
Wait, no, I'll do it later.

1 huh | what

:: 2005 20 February :: 6.41pm

i think there is too much sealab in my life.

i was watching it just a little bit ago..the same episode on repeat, and i fell asleep..more like half asleep.

then i was having weird half dreams about the episode..like i could hear all the dialouge going on, but the episode was different in my head. i don't know..its hard to explain. needless to say im dreaming about a fucking tv show so that is weird.

no work tomorrow thank you very much presidents day.

i go to a funeral for my great grandpa on thursday..should be interesting to say the least.

california is supposed to be all big and fast..well it is..so much so that i can't even jump in and find something to do.

i just want to come home.

its getting faster moving faster now
getting out of hand
on the tenth floor down the back stairs
into no mans land
lives are flashing cars are crashing
getting frequent now
i've got the spirit leaves a feeling
let it out somehow
what means to you what means to me
and we will meet again
i'm watching you i watch it all
i take no pity from your friends
who is right and who can tell and
who gives a damn right now
till the spiritly sensation takes hold
then you know

I've the spirit
but losing feeling.

woo..go joy division.

yeah..i just can't wait to be in my poor cold white trash infested hell hole of a home town...but i won't be living there anyways..just get an apartment in gr somewhere or something..

it will be good.

hmm..

love,
matthew james hinton

1 huh | what

:: 2005 20 February :: 3.08pm

hm. lonely. hm.
makes me wonder if . . . a lot of things.

infinite

:: 2005 20 February :: 2.06am

You're all fired from school, and your homework is to drink bleach and die.

1 huh | what

:: 2005 19 February :: 7.25pm

"Did they tell you why, Marco? Why they want to terminate my command?"

"They told me that you had gone totally insane, sir. And that your methods were..unsound"

"Are my methods..unsound?"

"I don't see any method at all, sir."

"Are you an assassin?"

"I'm a soldier, sir."

"You're niether. You're an errand boy, sent by grocery clerks to collect the bill...so wet willy for you!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

--

I wonder in how many homes tonight people will bitch with good reason about the corruption of our world.

70billion

:: 2005 19 February :: 3.34pm
:: Mood: peaceful
:: Music: Copeland-Priceless

"I need you like the dragonfly's wings need the wind"

2 huh | what

:: 2005 17 February :: 8.56pm

i drove alot today. pretty boring, but it all pays the same.

joy division rocks..so do the happy mondays.

my great grandpa has moved on to a greater place. i am sad he is gone, but i am happy that he will be...you know what im trying to say right? i just can't get the words together at the moment.

um..yeah..thats all i really have to say.

love will tear us apart again.

:: 2005 17 February :: 5.10pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: S N Double O P D O Double G

I specialize in makin' all the girls get naked
I love this song..and that scares me.

Life has been good lately. I've been really apathetic though, mainly towards school. I have no motivation to do anything. I need summer to come, soon. I'm sick of the cold.

:: 2005 16 February :: 9.30pm

This hurts, this hurts, this hurts, this hurts.
I remember that point three [was it really so long ago?] years ago when I
collapsed in the garage, between the shelving. "I just . . . can't . . . take this anymore."
Same thoughts tonight. I thought, I can survive the day. I thought, things will be better tomorrow.
I can't sleep.
Haven't been able to for weeks.
I'm fucking exhausted, tired, so goddamn lonely.
I want
[Jim, always. always always always.]
I want Icey, he distracts me from myself. He'll let me cry on his shoulder.

Soomething, this is unfinished but it usually is.

:: 2005 16 February :: 5.30pm

& i still want to . . .
yes, i know
i still keep thinking of that future that never was, because it's
still the only one i have and
i still want him back
and
and
.

after a day of screaming at me -- i needed it, she enjoyed it, it kept me on my feet -- she holds me and whispers. i know, baby, i know. playing with the hair i no longer have. i wish i

stinko

:: 2005 16 February :: 11.19am

what to do?
honestly i don't know if i can handle this any more.

6 huh | what

:: 2005 15 February :: 9.15pm

I AM A LOVER.
it is what i can't say.
because the feeling cannot be described.
i think its close to heaven.

i have deep conversations with a fat mexican named albert all day.
no one listens to him.
i do though.
i like to listen instead of making crude referances to homosexualtiy like everyone else i work with.
serioulsy, for a bunch of married guys they sure are gay.

i was waist deep in mud. in the rain. in a 6 foot deep hole. for 3 hours.
but i think this is the best job ihave ever had.

me and albert talked about phil collins and the doobie brothers today. and amusment parks.
then he got pissed off at the cement mixer and made me push back into place because he couldn't back it up with the truck.
i didn't mind though, i don't like it when he gets pissed off because pissed off mexicans are a little scary.
this other guy named mike reminds me of a school bully.
he was in desert storm, and he was a combat specialist.
so im pretty sure hes killed a good number of people.
he scares even when he isn't mad..the crazy fuck.

you were born in KC, Missouri.
to a girl who wasn't married.
after your birth she brought you to the nursery.
kissed your head and told you not to worry.
and then quietly, she turned
and slipped
away.

thats pedro the lion..good song. (June 18th, 1976 is the name of it)

ok..she is doing the ".." thing on AIM SO I GUESS I HAVE TO GO...I HOPE YOU ARE HAPPY. YEAH THATS RIGHT SMILE IT UP.

haha im joking i love you.

love,
matthew james hinton.

:: 2005 15 February :: 9.29pm

& sometimes it just sneaks up and devours from the inside out. I've got that song stuck in my head, the one he used to sing at me back when it mattered, "I don't mind spending every day out on your corner in the pouring rain. Look for the girl with the broken smile, ask her if she wants to stay awhile. And she will be loved, and she will be loved . . ."

But with experience comes knowing that he meant it more for her. Always for her. Everything for her.

Can I blame him? No. I feel the same thing for him. I know how it dominates. There's a portion of your heart you can only give away to one person in each lifetime. For me, that's him. For him, it's her. I pray that I'm right in assuming Claire and Dan's are each other . . .

Trilogy, and least of it. I can never bring myself to believe otherwise.

He existed mostly as a figment of my imagination. And I think I as his. I'm so sick of long-distance relationships. So sick of being lonely, of waiting on a chance and a might-be. Of spending less than a month, total, with the love of my life.

C'est la vie. As much as I hate it, I know I just have to move on.

holiday

:: 2005 15 February :: 1.14pm

Work tonight. It'll probably be a short night. It's a Tuesday. Although it still amazes me how many people go out to eat on a Tuesday/Wednesday night. No one eats at home anymore? SO MANY PEOPLE. Yeah I'm going to go sleep now.

reddevil666

:: 2005 15 February :: 10.22am
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: Eric Clapton

drop it like its hot
I just relized today that I have not gone to a strip club yet-I'm 18 now...i can do that! So i think either Wednesday or Saturday me and Amber are gonna go see some people get naked-its gonna be great.

6 huh | what

:: 2005 14 February :: 10.15am

WHOOOSH

Fuckin' right, thank me for the day off, bitches.

5 huh | what

:: 2005 13 February :: 6.47pm

oh my god.

i finally have the internet at the house..its about fucking time..so..yeah.

i do construction for the city of roseville water department..its hard work..but its alot of fun actually. i get to drive big trucks..but more importantly....

I GET TO DRIVE A MOTHER FUCKING BACKHOE!!!

thats right..im operating heavy equipment. the feeling of power one gets from it is, in a word (or two) absolutely glorious..

i've been working there one week so for and i think im really going to like it..but yeah..thats all for now. i'll catch you cats on the flipside.

love,
matthew james hinton

holiday

:: 2005 13 February :: 10.38am

Wow. You are the most wonderful person.

:: 2005 12 February :: 4.23pm

Seaworld couldn't have been better

Last night was great. We have to do that kind of thing more often.

I went to the mall today and finally got some new clothes. That was fun.

That's all I have to say. Goodbye.

13 huh | what

sherriffsteve

:: 2005 11 February :: 10.20am

Driving on the road to home, a few cars back maybe three in front.
I don't know, all I know is we are going way too slow.
The guy in front takes a left, the others follow I am left alone.
Maybe this will be the day that I'm going home.
And I feel lonely for the last time.
Walking on the road to home,
I take three steps and I fall backward five more.
I want to stop building up these walls between us.
The walls of pride, the walls of pain.
Break through these and make me whole again.
I cannot wait to be with You Lord Jesus.
And I feel lonely for the last time.
See the walls, see the walls come crashing down around us.
Now we...now we are together.
And feel lonely for the last time.

2 huh | what

:: 2005 10 February :: 11.18pm
:: Music: A Pefect Circle

It's crazy, but it could work.
So I finally got an idea for my story. It took awhile, but I got one. It's about this guy who goes crazy, or develops some sort of multiple personality disorder.

Read more..

Yeah, sounds sort of stupid in those words, but I think I can make it into something cool.

8 huh | what