just thinking
Well, i hope all of you had a most happy christmas. Mine was quite enjoyable. Al came over on the 23rd and stayed the night. we spent the night trying to rediscover that feeling of christmas that was there when we were kids without sucess (is that how you spell that?) Although we did think that there was an insain child gost killer in the house and stayed locked in my bathroom for about an hour. Woo, the crazy things that happen.

Anyway, i've been doing a lot of thinking this last month. it seems that there's a lot that's been swimming in my brain. i'm just starting to realize that i'm leaving high school in may. gee, it's such an amazingly big step and sometimes i wonder if i'm ready for it. i mean, theres a chance that half of the people that i know, i'll never see again. i mean, it's kinda scary. i've been making some major life choices along with this. i've finaly come to the conclusion that i'm going to take my life where i want it to be. my step-mom informed me the other day that my dad isn't going to let me go to the school that i want to go to. i had to stop myself from having a fit. since when did it become your choice of how i am going to spen the rest of my life. it's just become so drastic now. i'll kill myself before i live out the rest of my life just the way that they want me to. to grow up and be sensible. to hell with that. i'm doing musical theater and i don't care if i end up homless and straving at least i'll know i tried. i've made too many mistakes and sat there for years thinking what if i would have done one thing different. well not this time. this time i'm going to take the chances and i will be happy. i don't care if i don't have food or house i'll be freakin happy!
okay i feel much better now. lots of love to all of you my beautiful and wonderful friends.

i dunno
I think there are some things in my life that are going seriously wrong. Sometimes I feel as though I can't name a person who doesn't really hate me deep down inside. I can't wait until high school is over so i can just get away from everything. but i can't blame anyone. it's hard when you're the ugliest girl you freakin' know. i don't know what wrong with me. sometimes i just get so tired.

Just rambling
Hello all my beloved people out there. Yeah, it's been a while, a real long while. I"m just in a mood today so just go with me here.
So today I was thinking about my mom and all. I don't really know why, i just supose i was. You know I never realized what she had ment to me until i was almost 12 years old. When she came back with that baby, for the first time in my life i needed my mother. I didn't even realize she was a freakin drug addict until i was 15 years old. Geeze.
So I suppose i'm a freakin' idiot or something like that. I really get that feeling sometimes.
Has anyone else ever felt like they were utterly alone. Like you could die next friday and no one would even bother to showup to your funeral. Al has Cory and I have myself. Yeah, i know i have friends, i just wish i knew where they were. Seriously I don't think if it really came down to it, there wouldn't be to many people there who actually cared for me. Yeah, let's all hang with Bekie, she's the freakin' blond idiot, let's all get a good laugh out of her.
Geeze if he loves her so freakin' much and would just freakin' die if she were to say that maybe just maybe she would want to do something else with the rest of her life, then why does he want me to be 13 forever. Is that all I'm there for. That girl, the one just in case the rest of the world comes crashing down around your feet, at least she's got nowhere else to go.
I just feel as though i'm not in control of anything anymore. God i feel like i'm 60.
No one ever reads this thing anyway.

Why is he doing this?
You know there are some people that you will care about for the rest of your life. There's always going to be those people who, when your 40 you'll go, "Oh I wonder how so and so's doing." I think for me one of those people is Parks. I've know him since the 6th grade but we've really only been friends since the 8th. We both really liked each other that year but nothing ever happened because I never knew he like me and he never knew I like him and it was just this big funny mess. He always seemed okay. He was always there for me right when I needed him. Well I found his online journal and evidently there's another Parks that I never seemed to find out about.
The way he talks, god it just scares me so much. All the time it's just like, is he gonna do something stupid or hurt himself and just what's happening to him that I don't seem to understand.When I asked him about it he just said it was the inner him. And I thought I knew the inner him. It just scares me so much. If I were to loose him i don't know what i'd do. I mean, is this some sort of punishment? Did I ever do something wrong that made him more this way. Why didn't he ever tell me. What can I do? Can I do anything at all?
He scares me so.

Geeez I am suck a slacker
You know what, I never really considered cold a mood, but whatever. I'm a journal slacker, i know, i know. I've just had too much junk going on to update this thing. So i'm not really gonna talk about all the other fun stuff that's happened in my life, just the stuff that's happened within the last few days.
So Saturday night was homecoming. I had a great time. The entire homecoming dance experience started while Al and I were getting our hair done. Al described my hair as the kind where i needed to flock through a meadow and wear a white flowing summer dress. It kinda looked like an afro to me but whatever. Al's hair was great. It was up in a french twist and it looked soo good. I think we should have traded hair. So after that's done, we just can't wait to put on our dresses. And there's nothing better to do in you dress than a show choir dance! So we danced in my kitchen until we were about to fall over laughing. Fianlly, Cory arrives. I must say, Cory was a really nice date. He opened doors for us and everything. As for the dance itself, I really think they could have played some better music. It was all just rap stuff.
We left early and went to Steak and Shake where everyone looked at us. I think we were a bit overdressed. So my wonderful night ended and I went to sleep.
Okay, that's that! Now onto something that had nothing to do with that. Al worte the BEST story today. It was really great. I'll see if I can get it from her and post it up here.

I think Phantom is comming back on another tour. If someone knows about this pleeeease tell me. I hope they're comming. Please oh please!

Okay, that's pretty much all I have to say. You can go take a nap now.

Geeez I am suck a slacker
You know what, I never really considered cold a mood, but whatever. I'm a journal slacker, i know, i know. I've just had too much junk going on to update this thing. So i'm not really gonna talk about all the other fun stuff that's happened in my life, just the stuff that's happened within the last few days.
So Saturday night was homecoming. I had a great time. The entire homecoming dance experience started while Al and I were getting our hair done. Al described my hair as the kind where i needed to flock through a meadow and wear a white flowing summer dress. It kinda looked like an afro to me but whatever. Al's hair was great. It was up in a french twist and it looked soo good. I think we should have traded hair. So after that's done, we just can't wait to put on our dresses. And there's nothing better to do in you dress than a show choir dance! So we danced in my kitchen until we were about to fall over laughing. Fianlly, Cory arrives. I must say, Cory was a really nice date. He opened doors for us and everything. As for the dance itself, I really think they could have played some better music. It was all just rap stuff.
We left early and went to Steak and Shake where everyone looked at us. I think we were a bit overdressed. So my wonderful night ended and I went to sleep.
Okay, that's that! Now onto something that had nothing to do with that. Al worte the BEST story today. It was really great. I'll see if I can get it from her and post it up here.

I think Phantom is comming back on another tour. If someone knows about this pleeeease tell me. I hope they're comming. Please oh please!

Okay, that's pretty much all I have to say. You can go take a nap now.

Michael
Okay, i'm gonna make this one pretty quick. it's just that today i saw "A Funny Thing happened on the way to the Forum" with MICHAEL!! No one understands the relastionship between Michael and I. Wow, i sound like a stalker.

Anyway, speaking of Michael, my sister just made a new site and it's about me!! I know, i'm shocked to. But go and check it out, it's pretty cool, and it has a lot of Michael...with pants on so don't worry about that.

www.geocities.com/buffygirl144

and for those of you who have yet to check out stupid seniors or sign the guestbook, you go and do that right now. sign my sister's guestbook too!

I love it when I get free stuff!
I'm supposing I shoudl mention something about Friday and how it totally kicked butt. Wizzard of Oz is so hilarious. And we saw the flying monkey, and it jumped on Cory and I wanted to take him home with us cause he was coool. Yeah, then we ate and then we ended the night like we always do and went to Walmart!

So that was that. My new fun story is how I got free food today. Cory took me and Al and Teresa to his house and we spiked his hair. Next I decided that we should go to O'Charly's because I looove that place and all the fun stuff happens there. So we had this waiter named Ryan and I will admit it, he was a cutie. So we order and I keep on bringing up stuff about the bill and reminding them all that I'm paying so don't buy a lot. So then in pops Ryan and he's like "I'll tell you this if you won't tell my manager. I'm only charging you for the chicken." So then he was like immediatly on my good list. He's cute AND he gives me free food. Yeah, he's my buddy. So I left him a $10 tip because now he's my buddy and all and we also left him a sugar packet and the back of the ticket which contained such messages as "We <3 Ryan," "Ryan rocks my socks off," and "We like flying monkeys." We also left him the URLs for Hula Land and The Stupid Senior Site. So that was my great thing of the day.

On another thought, I had voice lessons today. They went really well. I'm really happy about my progress. Just thought i'd throw that in there.
Bye Bye!

Here's what you've all been waiting for
Yes, so here is the conversation with the crazy internet man. Seriously, i'm not a bad person, i'm just trying to make the internet a safer place.

May0570 : hey there
Honey-do1 : hello
May0570 : asl?
Honey-do1 : 45 m ohio
May0570 : 19/f/ga
May0570 : i like 'em older
Honey-do1 : kinda young
May0570 : yeah
Honey-do1 : you do i like then young baby
May0570 : i hope you don't mind
Honey-do1 : not really
May0570 : good
Honey-do1 : are you single
May0570 : yes i am
May0570 : how about you?
Honey-do1 : you working
May0570 : yeah
Honey-do1 : looking baby
May0570 : sure
May0570 : i don't really work during the day, but at night i'm a stripper
May0570 : do you like stippers?
Honey-do1 : show me o=please
May0570 : i don't have a cam
Honey-do1 : so u must be hot
May0570 : damn straight
Honey-do1 : i'm a cute guy
May0570 : i bet
Honey-do1 : nice butt
May0570 : so what do you want to do?
Honey-do1 : 150 lbs
May0570 : ohhhhh
Honey-do1 : honey will do any thing you want girl
May0570 : i have big boobs
May0570 : and no panties
Honey-do1 : how do you want it
May0570 : however you do
May0570 : hey hey
Honey-do1 : solf and geatle
May0570 : do you happen to have a roster
Honey-do1 : no i don't dear
May0570 : sorry
May0570 : i meant rooster
Honey-do1 : why what is a roster
May0570 : some guys might call it a "cock"
Honey-do1 : i just got a willy
May0570 : darn
May0570 : i once knew i a willy
May0570 : i freed him
Honey-do1 : t o bad for him
May0570 : he actually kinda liked it
Honey-do1 : baby i would like to ciber with
May0570 : is that like cider?
May0570 : i could go for some cider
Honey-do1 : but i do'n do that dear
May0570 : okay
May0570 : no cider tonight
Honey-do1 : im a sweet man looking for love
Honey-do1 : that has to be true
May0570 : i've got plenty of love to give
May0570 : i'm not lying
Honey-do1 : i'm ione women man dear
May0570 : me too
Honey-do1 : i don't cheat or full around
May0570 : me neither
May0570 : except for this one math test
May0570 : but that was it
Honey-do1 : cool sound like we have something in common
May0570 : you like to play chess too???
Honey-do1 : only at home
Honey-do1 : never play it on here
May0570 : well you can capture my queen anyday
Honey-do1 : i play with yiour chess
May0570 : okay
May0570 : i just happen to have a set
Honey-do1 : oh baby u now what i like
May0570 : you like that
May0570 : i like it like that
Honey-do1 : you got it for me
May0570 : yeah i already told you
May0570 : i have a set waiting right here
Honey-do1 : hell to bad your in ga
May0570 : hell is pretty bad
May0570 : but hell is not georgia
Honey-do1 : sorry dear
May0570 : hell's in michigan
Honey-do1 : it can be any where you wan't it to be dear
May0570 : no really
May0570 : it's really there
May0570 : i've been to hell and back
May0570 : several time
Honey-do1 : so u dance hum
May0570 : yes i do
May0570 : it pays da bills
Honey-do1 : i've benn married there time so you do'nt what hell is
Honey-do1 : three
May0570 : i have five kids
May0570 : never been married though
Honey-do1 : bet it payes good
May0570 : it does
Honey-do1 : you been busy
May0570 : i'm busy all the time
May0570 : i'm getting busy right now
Honey-do1 : or you just like toooooooo
May0570 : yeah that too
Honey-do1 : are you playing
May0570 : yes i am May0570 : how about you
Honey-do1 : is it wet jut
May0570 : umm not really
May0570 : actually it kinda burns
May0570 : i haven't cleaned it in a while
Honey-do1 : i wash it for ya
May0570 : okay
Honey-do1 : clean it good for ya
May0570 : i was gonna pay this guy to do it
May0570 : he has all these fancy brushes
May0570 : but i think you'd do a better
May0570 : job
Honey-do1 : oh yes i'm one in a millon at that jub dear
May0570 : okay
May0570 : sounds good to me
Honey-do1 : you won't fine a better persn for that job dear
May0570 : did you major in it
Honey-do1 : i'll be in ga sunday night
May0570 : okay
Honey-do1 : all a round handyman
Honey-do1 : brb drink
May0570 : my pipes need fixing
May0570 : okay
Honey-do1 : oh you got some plumming for me
May0570 : yeah
Honey-do1 : plug you up[
May0570 : yeah, i think my pipes are clogged
Honey-do1 : imean
May0570 : does that fix things
Honey-do1 : yes it's long enought
May0570 : what's long enough
May0570 : i also have some pipes in the rear that need to be cleaned
Honey-do1 : ny willy
May0570 : oh
May0570 : your willy
May0570 : is he good at this?
Honey-do1 : yes
May0570 : i'd really like to met your willy
Honey-do1 : he love every hr after hr of repaire
May0570 : hold on
May0570 : my buddy is on the floor feeling himself up
May0570 : i need to see to this
Honey-do1 : you think you could use a fed hr worth
May0570 : he's okay now
May0570 : sure i could
May0570 : would it take you that long
May0570 : i'm a busy woman
May0570 : i have an apointment at 3 am,
Honey-do1 : i said i love that kind of work
May0570 : oh alright
May0570 : then all the time you need
Honey-do1 : if you ya don't have all night why brotrhe
May0570 : i have all
May0570 : night
May0570 : this is more important that anything else
Honey-do1 : sould like you need a good honey man
May0570 : if you say so
May0570 : so when can you be here?
Honey-do1 : i'm cumming thought sunday night
May0570 : hey, we have something in common!
Honey-do1 : we do what is it
May0570 : we're both cumming
May0570 : can my buddy cum over too?
May0570 : or would you rather it be just us
May0570 : i do have a cat named muffin
May0570 : hellloo??
May0570 : awww
May0570 : and i was having fun messing with your head
Honey-do1 : was you really
May0570 : i was
May0570 : it's a very nice head
Honey-do1 : i paly baby
May0570 : okay
Honey-do1 : i don't play baby

Let me remind you that half of this stuff came from the other people in the room. I wonder if he ever caught on that i was really talking about pipes? hhmmmm. oh well. Okay so I have no idea how to link this sucker so just go here www.geocited.com/stupidseniors

okay, that's all
bye bye!

i had to put this in here

i'm a hamster.what kinda pet are you?
quiz made by muna.

In search for a prom date
Yes that is right, you heard me. I'm looking for a prom date. You may say "Wait, isn't it too early to be looking for a prom date?" Of course it's not. Al and I have this all down. We've decided that we will let our prom date possibles fill out an application, and then we will interview them one by one. It'll be great. Or if al happens to see some nice lookin guy standing somewhere, she's just gonna go and ask him. We've also brought up the idea of going to the mall with signs that say "WE NEED PROM DATES" Yes, so if any of you boys out there wanna be my prom date, send me a message and i'll send you an application. I also take gooood prom date suggestions. Yeah, but in the case i fail to be asked to prom by someone, i do have a backup date planned. yes, i am that sad.

In lighter news, i just thought there was a spider on my foot. seriously, there was this HUGE spider in this room the other day. it was all brown and hairy and gross. and then i was almost positive i just felt it underneath my foot. we killed the original spider, but you never know, the room could be crawling with baby spiders. eww

Speaking of spiders, two more days until Alyssa's birthday. I do believe i am driving her quite insaine because i won't tell her what i got her. but she's gonna loooooove it. it's the best present in the world. he he okay, that's all i have to say for now. remember, proooom daaaate

Hey, check this out



I hope that worked

books
well i havent writen in a while, but then i havent been up to much in a while. ive been feeling rater disconected these last few days and i cant seem to say why. ive been reading the bood "Flowers for Algernon." even though its horribly sad and most that know me also know that i dont like horribly sad books but end up reading them anyway. i actually like the ending to this book. its not like "The Phantom of the Opera" where they have to shove right up in my face "Erik is dead" when they know that i loved erik best. i hate to think about him dying all alone down there of a broken heart. ffa is much different. at the end charlie simply takes off, leaving a world of posiblities for my little mind to create. i like to think that somehow he returned to that level of intelligence in the middle. not where he's a freaking genious but not where laugh is laff and he cant remember or understand whats going on around him. i like him and the average old charlie. then he comes back to alice and they get married and have lots of babies. i know i know, your thinking "get real bekie, charlie probably dies to" yes, but they didn't say so in the book so i can make it end any way i freakin want to. pshhh, i made phantom end the way i freakin wanted it too. that news paper thing, completly fake, just to make christine realzie how much she really love erik and then he comes and takes her away from that stupid head roul and they get married and have lots of babies. why does everything end in marriage and lots of babies?

speaking of marriage, parkus and i have decided to shock the world and actually get married. psh, yeah. we'd probably end up killing each other. me with my short hair and him with his wanting food and sex all the time. it would never work. ive come to the conclusion that im never getting married. im simple too annoying to live with for the rest of someones life and i demand too much. oh well, ive found and nice comfort to being independent. unless of course michael crawford wants to come and sweep me off my feet. now thats another story...
ahh michael. okay, well thats the end of my talk. you did well, go get yourself some ice cream.

okay...
i was gonna write some stuff but now i have to pee. yes, i am a very open person. oh yeah, it's cory's birthday. yay cory! okay, i would sing happy birthday to cory, but as i have previously stated, i have to pee. okay

i love my hair.