MY HAIR IS FINISHED
well, almost at least. this is so the best story ever!

So i decided a while back ago that i was going to cut off all of my hair. being the little devil that i am, i only told al and teresa what i was going to do and told everyone else that i was going to do "something." Cory later cornered me and made me tell him what it was that i was gonna do. well, i couldnt tell him the big news, so the first thing that came out of my mouth was "i'm shaving my head!" cory totally freaked!
so saturday i cut 7 inches off my hair. i really liked the length, but there was something missing. when i got home i totally freaked thinging what a big mistake i had made (i always do this after cutting off all of my hair.) the only thing i knew to do was to call al. so i called al but i mainly ended up talking to teresa who is some sort of hair master. i was like "it wont flip out and its orange!" she managed to calm me down and said that she would come and look at it on tuesday, which was the day everyone was going to see it.
okay, so fast forward to tuesday. teresa and al say that they like my hair and i'm starting to like it by now. this is the best part. so we get to summer choir and i have all my hair underneath my hood and i'm like "i did it cory!" he kinda looked as though he might be sick. lyssa saw it and she was like "i knew it was your hair" then i pulled off the hood and cory was like "thank god!"
but now it is almost finished. the thing that was missing from my hair was the layering which i have just recived and now i simply love it!!! Next were just gonna make it a little blonder and then ill be done. wow, i love my hair.

i never knew i could talk so much about hair...wow.

on another happy note, my step-mom and i have been getting along quite well this week. im trying to get along with her better just because i dont like to fight with people and it really seems to be working.

gee, im in such a great mood! okay well, thats all for now!

Ramblings
Gee, my hand is itchy! dude it really itches. so i don't know why my stupid diary keeps on sticking in these little //. if anyone does know, then tell me why!!! anyways, has everyone who is reading this seen teresa's hair? i love it, i just love it. and now that i've smoothly translated the subject into hair, i will talk about mine. this comming saturday, i'm going to do something absolutly insain. i'm not saying what, but trust me, it's something i've never done before. everyone that knows seems excited except for cory and my daddy.
eww, did he just say licking his skin. okay, nevermind
it seems as if there was something else that i was going to throw in here but i cant remember what it was.
oh well, i cant wait until saturday! everyone wish me luck!
yeah, that's it.

Wow!
I\'ve been meaning to write about this for a while, but for some crazy reason it just kept on getting looked over.

For about two weeks now i\'ve been taking voice lessons. For as long as I can remember all i have ever wanted to do is perform. Now i\'m not talking about like Brittany Spears perform (shoot me if i ever say that, ever) not even like play my guitar and sing. what i have always wanted to do is musical theater. the one problem that i have always had was that i\'ve never thought that was voice was very strong or very good for that matter. i\'ve been told in chorus that i need to sing louder because no one can hear me and i\'ve been told by my parents that i sound like a dying cat when i sing (part of the reason why i\'m so quiet in chorus.)

so i started the voice lessons with the hope that somehow this lady would be able to give me a whole new voice. well, she\'s just amazing. at our last session i was singing, as usual and she just stops me and says, \"I feel like your holding back. You have such a wide high range and such a powerfull voice but you hold yourself back.\" i was thinking \"is she talking about me?\" i don\'t know what it was but that just gave me such a boost of confidence. i just feel so happy all of the sudden. it\'s like even if my step-mom insulted my voice for the rest of my life it wouldn\'t bother me. i just...i can\'t put into words how i feel.

now i\'m going to compleltly change the subject. i went to north carolina to see my grandparents yesterday. i got to pull out my grandfather\'s really expensive Martin guitar and play it. i love that thing, it had such a great sound. my grandfather is soooo talented. i just hope i\'m half as talented as he is someday. well i would have really enjoyed our little music frolic, if it weren\'t for my step-mom once again. she was in the other room telling my grandmother all this crap about me. she was telling her how i was so selfish and stuck up and how the rest of the family says i\'m going to be a failure in life. and then she proceded to tell her about the big fight we got into. by doing all this, she simply proved the point of what a hipocrate she is, because when we had fought that day, the said that the whole reason i had pissed her off was because i had told al what happened and that i should not share our family affairs with anyone. i asked her if she ever told anyone what happened within our house and she said no. that just really pisses me off. at least i never said that i would stop talking about what happened in our house because i know that anytime we get into a fight one of the first things that i will do is call al and tell her all about it. at least i know that i\'m right now. it\'s sort of satisfying. i really wanted to say something to her so i could just shove her own wrong ways in her face, but i\'m going to be the bigger person and just be happy with knowing that i\'m right and not causeing a big argument over it. the one bad part is that now my family thinks all these bad things about me thanks to her, but i can\'t really do anything about what they think so i\'m not going to let it bother me.

well, if my family is going to think that i\'m no good, at least i have awsome friends and i know that they will always be there for me.

okay, well, that\'s all i have to say for right now. bye bye

the biggest fight ever
ohhh man. i think it was this last monday that my step-mom and i got into the biggest fight ever.

so my sister was over at my house and so was my step-mom\'s grand-daughter, amber. so amber and my sister, brittany were playing. brittany did something to make amber mad and she took her little cheap sunglasses and said \"if you don\'t stop i\'ll break them, seriously.\" of course my sister wouldn\'t stop and i was like, \"well brittany, she told you. you can either stop or have broken sunglasses.\" and then i went on talking to alyssa on the phone. so amber throws the glasses on the ground several times but the darn things just wouldn\'t break. so finally she does something, i wasn\'t really watching but the result was broken glasses. so brittany is crying and amber is trying to fix them and i\'m like \"it\'s okay, it\'s not your fault.\" because she was really upset about hurting brittany\'s feelings. i think amber finally got enought of brittany\'s crying so she went with my 12 year old sister nikie into her room. well, brittany follows them and tries to go in there but amber tells her that she is not her friend anymore and to get out. so i took my once again crying sister out of the room, still talking away to alyssa on the phone. my step-mom was sitting in the chair. she asked what was wrong and i started my story with \"amber threw her glasses and broke them\" and that\'s when it started. this woman just blew up at me. she yelled \"amber did not throw the glasses and break them\" (or something to that nature, i can\'t remember word for word.) \"then she started to say \"i know you just hate amber!\" so i go outside and we yell somethings back and forth. then she goes back inside and i tell alyssa, who is still on the phone, all that happened. then my step-mom comes back out to fight with me some more. i was extreamly pissed at this point. i seriously do not think i have ever been so mad in my entire life, ever. the first thing to go through my mind was \"let her have it. she is asking for it\" because usually i try not to fight with my step-mom and i just let her yell at me and i don\'t say anything and i go away. this time i let all of my anger out. so we are screaming at each other like mad and she keeps on saying \"get off the phone!\" and i was like i was, but alyssa was still on there. i really didn\'t want to hang up on her because i felt as if she were there listening to all that was going on, then i would have someone who was like my witness and who could back me up. so the fight gets more and more heated and she totally turns to the subject of how i won\'t hang up the phone and i got so pissed and i just wanted her to shut up that i just hung up on alyssa (sorry about that.) see, it\'s really weird, anytime i\'m fighting with my step-mom, i feel as if i need alyssa there for some reason. i usually back down and let her push me around, but when al is there and i can hear her saying \"get her bekie, get her\" then it just makes me want to stand up for myself more and more. this time i couldn\'t hear her and personally i think she was a bit freaked out, i don\'t really know because i haven\'t talked to her since then, but it was like i didn\'t need her to stand up for myself or something...it was weird. but anyway the climax of the fight came right after that when all of those things that i think about her came out of my mouth for the first time. i told her that i thought she was the biggest hippocrait(sp?) in the world and some other stuff. the i just coulnd\'t take it anymore so i just grabbed my sister and started to walk away from the house. i stayed away until all the crazy thoughts of how i was going to run away right then and there and trying to think of where i was gonig to go left my head. i finally came back and i appologized to her. why you ask. because she was planning on draging my dad into this and really, i can\'t stand it when she does that because i love my dad so much and it\'s just too much pain to try and tell him what really happened but have him believe her simply because she has him so wrapped around her fat finger.

okay, but i\'m getting away with myself. that\'s it, i\'m not going to let myself get mad about it anymore or let it control my life because i don\'t want to fight with her anymore. i just want to live this last freaking year with her and then just get out and get out for good. and i just don\'t want anymore trouble.

wow, i feel much better now. but here\'s the thing that i thought was funny, she said that the whole reason she was mad was because i had told alyssa what had happened and supposedly that\'s wrong. well, she does it with her friends so i suppose we can both be wrong together. i appologized for it anyway.

when i finally came back to the house amber had went out and bought brittany a new pair of sunglasses and they were both friends again. i thought that was sweet. i really have nothing against amber, she\'s one of the sweetest children that i know. it\'s just my step-mom has to obsesivly defend her. it\'s crazy. well, she wasn\'t mad at me. she was actually very upset because of the glasses and i kept on telling her that it wasn\'t her fault, which it really wasn\'t, brittany had it comming.

so the day ended alright. everything is peacefull in my house once again. i can\'t wait until i get out of here. well, that\'s all i have to say for now. it\'s almost midnight and i really need to sleep. bye

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TERESA!!!
We had one of those fun moments this morning, and i do mean this morning. At about midnight, Cory and I got onto the phone and sang happy birthday to Teresa. It was so much fun I think I'll do it again.

*Happy Birthday to Teresa! Happy Birthday to Teresa! Happy Brithday dear Teresa! Happy Birthday to Teresa!

Alright, that's enough proper grammar for me. my sister is singing "you're a grand old light blue" i have to admit it's cute. my gosh i am so itchy. ha, that sounded wrong. my eye is itchy, my armpit is itchy, my arm is itchy. what is the world comming to?

i think a spider bit me last night. there were like two running a muck in my computer room last night. let me tell you, if there is one thing that i do not like in life, it's a spider. no...actually it's my step-mom and then if there is two things i don't like in life then the spider can be included.

alright then, i really have nothing else to aimlessly ramble on about.
bye bye

gosh darn it
ouch ouch! darn, my right eye hurts! I think i'm going blind, seriously! okay, i'll shut up about that for now. Okay, he he. I don't know what to say. I suppose i will start this bad boy off with telling you a bit about myself. My name is bekie and i don't like my step-mother. that's right you heard me, i don't like her, not one bit. but i do like the guitar. i like the piano more though. geee, my life is reallly boring. sorry for the stupid language. my eye is really getting me messed up right now. so here's the deal on the woman who is trying to take over my life. i don't know, it's hard to express in words the level of dislike i hold for her. it's just not cool to constantly put a person down. to tell them that their dreams are stupid because you believe in reality. to tell them that they're fat when they weigh like 129 and you weigh 329 and then you have the nerve to tell them the they will be twice your size when they get to be your age. it just pisses me off to no extent. really. and it's not even all me. she has the freakin nerve to treat my sister like this too. i think you'll see more as this journal goes on. today i'm particularly disliking her because she told me that i needed to work more hours at my job. for those of you who don't know me i work at kroger. not because i wanted to ever get a job there, but because she decided that i HAD to get a job there. so here is my week. on weekdays i keep my 4 year old sister from 7am to 5pm. afternoons consist of monday-voice lessons, tuesday- summer chior, wensday- church or free time for me, then thursday friday and saturday i work and sunday i'm at church. maybe it's just me but i feel a bit crowded. then she had the nerve to come in here and tell me that i should be working on tuesday and wendsday too. and then she gets pissed when i tell her what i have to do those days. ohhhh she just makes me so mad.

okay, i feel better. anyway, i had a fun day today. i had a little family outing with my two sisters, my aunt and my grandmother. upon keeping Brittany (the youngest of my sisters) during the day, i have decided that i'm so not ready for children. during our little outing she decided to spit this huge wade of gum in macy's. but children will be children. today consisted of, going to O'Charlies, movie, and mall...and the enitre gum spitting thing. i just found out today that my aunt pewee (jennifer, but we call her pewee cause she's 4'11'') is engaged and moving to south carolina. i'm a little heart broken over this. i feel as if just today i've realized what an awosme aunt i have. ohh it's sad. don't you just hate it when you realize these things right at the last moment. like, i always knew she was cool, but i never knew how very very much she ment to me until today. makes me want to cry.

anyway, that's all i can really say for right now because my eye still hurts. ouch. okay that's all...leave now