:: 2004 16 June :: 1.24 pm

Living on Earth is expensive,
but it does include a free trip
around the sun every year.




How long a minute is
depends on what side of the
bathroom door you're on.




Birthdays are good for you;
the more you have,
the longer you live.




Happiness comes through doors you
didn't even know you left open.




Ever notice that the people who are late
are often much jollier
than the people who have to wait for them?



Most of us go to our grave
with our music still inside of us.




If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day,
how come nothing is free yet?




You may be only one person in the world,
but you may also be the world to one person.




Some mistakes are too much fun
to only make once.




Don't cry because it's over;
smile because it happened.




We could learn a lot from crayons:
some are sharp, some are pretty,
some are dull, some have weird names,
and all are different colors....but
they all exist very nicely in the same box.




A truly happy person is one who
can enjoy the scenery on a detour.




Have an awesome day, and
know that someone
who thinks you're great
has thought about you today!..



Working for God on earth does not pay much,
but His Retirement plan is out of this world.


my grandparents sent this to me...they make me giggle

crush me

:: 2004 14 June :: 12.09 pm
:: Mood: not too shabby

ive been neglecting this for awhile...i was afraid of saying things im going to later regret..but we'll give it a shot

thursday night was ians bday party...it started at 730, i got there at 930...mr and mrs dunn were happy that i finally made, they kept going on and on about wondering where i was...they make me laugh. but the 2 hour delay came because doug decided to throw a little firework thingy, you know those things that look like egg sacks that pop when you throw them?, yea dont throw those at neon windows...neon windows are fragile to begin with, the force of the little pop just put it over the edge...so i dont have my car anymore..its better sweet, that car was my first car and i really enjoyed being able to drive it quickly and such, but now i have a truck, which is nice but i just have to get used to it.
friday was kind of a blah day...i didnt really do anything until that night when sara amanda and i went to the safety of rountin concert, it wasnt that great, really loud, i couldnt understand the lyrics and i got a headache...lol i felt old. then we met up with doug and we went to see stepford wives...it was a decent movie, it had its funny parts, but it wasnt what i expected it to be...so i didnt really enjoy it.
saturday i took the acts...i sat by thuis kid named daniel..he was really cool, he came down from sandusky which was odd, but oh well, i enjoyed sitting by him, we had a nice conversation during our ten minute break...i just wish i would have like gotten his sn or something...oh well
that night i went out to nelsons bonfire..i actually had a lot of fun out there, played some frisbee and ping pong, chatted with some people, all in all a good time :)
i actually went to church on sunday..it had been about 5 weeks and thats not normal for me, so i woke up, went, had some communion...good times. then mom and i had two baby showers to go to...oh the torture...so much estrogen everywhere, i dont know how many times i was asked if i was going to college, where i was going, what my major was going to be and why...i also got the bf questions about every 5 minutes...next time i'll just put a sign on my back that says....cinci, secondary education because i want to, no leave me alone...that should work
last night i didnt go out though, but i got to talk to megs for awhile, i got to kinda spill my guts to her, ive been needing to for awhile and i finally got the chance to which made me feel better...she agrees that i deserve a trophy for all the shit ive been dealing with
i went to track this morning, threw with hodges for awhile, ian and golliver were throwing disc, but i got some nice throws in, one was in the 34s which made coach really happy, i just gotta keep working on it...i have a job interview today and then a hair appt and im going to spend some time in the gym...should be fun :)
hopefully something interesting goes on tonight...its been awhile since ive seen the boys

1 heartless bastard | crush me

:: 2004 10 June :: 2.32 pm

For most of life, nothing wonderful happens. If you don't enjoy getting up and working and finishing your work and sitting down to a meal with family or friends, then the chances are that you're not going to be very happy. If someone bases his happiness or unhappiness on major events like a great new job, huge amounts of money, a flawlessly happy marriage or a trip to Paris, that person isn't going to be happy much of the time. If, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness.

-Andy Rooney


i stole that from corey's info...i like it

crush me

:: 2004 10 June :: 12.45 pm
:: Mood: well pretty shitty

track banquet was last night...it was pretty good actually. i didnt really eat a lot, wasnt really in the mood for food, but i sat with the girls and it was a lot of fun. i left me parents, they sat with the dunns so they had someone to chat with. i gave abby her senior gift, i was a big goob and cried...not all out, just a few tears, but thats my throwing partner! shes gone now, she was always there for the past three years and next year i have no one...its really shitty and it makes me sad
i got my third year letter and scholar athlete award...i felt cool, coach said some nice things, and told me later that next year i have to really take a leadership role...being a leader of the team...thats gonna be hard since throwers are like their own seperate entity
went to emgans afterwards..with daniel and ian and doug and amanda, we played pool and just hung out, it was alright
came home..had like the worst night ever, and now im here, so fuck you

crush me

:: 2004 9 June :: 12.37 pm
:: Mood: happy. but hot

yesterday was a lot of fun, i basically bummed around the house all day doing odd jobs until 4 when i had to leave for an sab meeting. the decorations committee had to get together and figure out what we wanted to order for homecoming. that meeting too about 2 hours, it was frustrating, because a majority of the people there werent too pleased with the theme the board voted on..but we tinkered with it a little bit and i think its going to be ok now. after that megan amanda kelly ali and i chatted in the parking lot for a bit, then amanda megan and i headed to the mall because i had to buy ian his bday present, ive had this thing picked out since january...im just glad the place still had it..haha. after that megan and i went to panera for some dinner...we chatted and did some people watching...people watching is fun. then we headed back to her house and found daniel online and then he came over. we didnt feel like being inside...megan and i had been inside a majority of the day, so the three of us played basketball...let me tell you, we've got some skills. the rest of the family showed up and we played with them some...good family bonding time with the mershmans, the bugs got to be unbearable, so we went inside and daniel wanted to play some pool..again, something we've got some mad skills at. played a few games, chilled out, it was cool....mucho fun

then todya i woke up early, went into BG and threw, ian and hodges were there, i dont really know why, because neither of them had implements, but they kept me company which really made me happy...granted they had to leave early for football, but the fact that there was no weirdness gives me high hopes, throwing is coming along though, im not being spectacular or anything, but at the same time i dont really have anyone there to tell me what i need to work on, after every throw today the only comments i got were "that sucked". it made me laugh, those boys are just too cool let me tell you

then i came home...and i slept haha, im so cool

1 heartless bastard | crush me

:: 2004 8 June :: 1.35 pm
:: Mood: not quite sure

ready for a long one?

so the other day, i was off going to many grad parties, and any normal person would be off having a carefree day...nope, im a thinker

so i was thinking and i came to two conclusions, im pretty damn proud of these conclusions too, and the few people that i told them to seem impressed...yup im sweet

conclusion number 1:
teen romance is not for everyone. ive decided that its not for me. im not someone who can sit around crushing on a guy. i always end up befriending the guy, and then losing all interest i ever had in him. instead i make him into a friend, and someone i cant picture living without, but only as a friend, he becomes my turn to person. so i was thinking the other day, while i was seeing couples pretty much everywhere i turned, i was like hmm...who could i picture myself with? well the answer was no one. and im ok with that, because i dont want to lie to myself and make me believe i like someone when i really dont. so its easier when i realize that theres no one in BGHS thats meant for me. theres the saying that theres someone out there for everyone, well my someone isnt someone i know yet. so we'll see what college has for me. that or what some other schools have...haha

conclusion number 2:
i wanna hang out with abby and amy a lot more than i do!! dont get me wrong, i love the group of friends i have now more than anything, they are people that i know will always be around and will always listen, but the monotonous ways we have are becoming a detriment. im not the only one who sees this either. so the other night i was out at abbys, and i felt so at ease. there was no stress there was no awkwardness, it was fun, and its because i was with the people i had grown up with. all of my friends now are "townies". they dont fully understand what i mean by a good ol' country party...they have no way of understanding...well a few might, but thats likle 2 i can think of, and the one is a definite maybe, anyway, so im deciding that i want to hang out with them more...go out with their group of friends, befriend more people, meeting people from other schools, keep the friends i have now, but just take a step back for awhile. let me see things from a distance.

at times i think im too mature for my age, lately, with how ive been acting, i realize that maturity is comes and goes, because right now, im acting like a 4 year old with certain situations. i do the same thing with mike all the time and im doing it now to someone that im not meaning to...i try not to, really i do, but idk, its habit i guess, hes gotta know somethings up too...he knows me too well to not - hes not stupid. so take this as an apology, even though he doesnt read this...but its not something i can talk to him about, just give me time, let me do my thing for a bit, it'll pass within a few weeks, it always does...ask mike

4 heartless bastards | crush me

:: 2004 7 June :: 11.32 pm
:: Mood: blank

schools out, its summer, watch me tremble with excitement

the last day of school was rather bland. it was the longest day ever, i went to spanish and listened to people give their presentations, then study hall where i just chatted and then 3 hours of american studies...it was soooo long!! we did a lot of nothing, just handing things in and getting things back, nothing too great, then school was out, and junior year was over, to celebrate, megan tara and i went roller blading, it was sweet

commencement was really nice, libby's speech was amazing, they were all great speeches, but hers really sticks out in my mind, then afterwards we went to broke in ians basement, i wasnt feeling too hot though, so i ended up leaving fairly early

saturday was crazy! 12 grad parties, they were all a lot of fun though, megan kelly carrie ali and i just loaded into the car and went, jackies was amazing, and abbys was the best time ever, megan and stram's was a lot of fun, kelly's, katie's and britts were cool, and carrs was a lot of fun with the falcons, Lukes was cute, so many family members, Ardys was similar, i got to ride a scooter at joels!! and gills house is absolutely amazing, Abbys was great though, good country party, i felt so at home, i had been at BG parties all day and to end the day with abbys where it was so comfortable and so much like the parties i had grown up going to...i was glowing, steive and megan could tell, i was happy there

sunday i met dani and robin down at polaris, did some shopping and bonding with them, i wont see them until niagra i believe, my mom and dad get to see them at Ti, which angers me, but oh well...at least i get to talk to them online...but we shopped, i got clothes i needed for my pics, so that was awesome...that night doug and amanda came out and we watched big fish..that was the 4th time i had attempted to watch that movie since i bought it and i was finally able to stay up during it!! its not a bad movie or anything, its actually a great movie, but i always try to watch it when im sleepy! oh well, it was a lot of fun

today was busy, i threw at 8 for about 45 minutes, then had breakfast with angie, sab meeting at 11, lunch, worked out for an hour and a half, then meeting at headleys, visited amanda at home, visited doug at work, then i came home and i slept for awhile...it was fun :)

tomorrows fairly relaxing though..i only have one meeting, so this is looking up haha

1 heartless bastard | crush me

:: 2004 3 June :: 3.21 pm
:: Music: fastball was on the radio on the way home...that brought back some memories

crush me

:: 2004 2 June :: 6.14 pm
:: Mood: could be better

interesting week so far...

sunday night i made a late night visit out to jackies house, she was in no shape to stay alone, and i would never have forgiven myself had i let her, so i went and stayed the night there, kept her mind of off things and chatted, stevie and doug came out for a bit too...adam and i also started talking again, its nice and confusing...we're so completely lost haha

next day we went into the lab, finished our movie, then off to band, the parades were the same as always, long. but the bus rides and lunch were entertaining, as long as you're surrounded by people that you like, any bad situation can be made ok. went back into the lab, finished the movie completely and then headed home to work on my spanish presentation...instead i slept..haha

tuesday...went to school, started commencement band, and did a lot of nothing. tim cam back and tie-dyed with us! it made me happy, he said he came in for me :) i love tim, im gonan miss him so much!

today we finished our shirts...i really like mine hehe, not to sound like im blowing my own horn or anything, but mine is sweet lol did more of nothing, but i saw bob!! i havent seen him since thurday before districts, so i finally got to tell him how well i threw and everything, he was happy for me. im going to miss him a lot too...stupid bob and tim having to graduate! grr

hmm, tonight i need to finish my cheat sheets...then i can do well on both of my exams tomorrow and then thats it...fridya is the biggest blow off day ever, just listening to presentations in spanish and turning things in in AS....and a study hall which i'll leave for...ahh..life is good right now :)

1 heartless bastard | crush me

:: 2004 30 May :: 10.19 pm
:: Mood: im ok

ok, ive neglected this thing for long enough, its probably time for one of those entries that i just ramble in...

Pops concert went well, it was more fun than anything, normally by pops the band realizes that we dont care, so we just have fun with the performance, and headley doesnt care, so it was nice, thanx to everyone who came :)

the week at school was fairly boring, we dont do anything, its all redundant and at times nerving because it gets frustrating, it was odd however, not going to track, at the end of the day it was like well...i can stick around in the G4 or go home...this sucks

ive actually learned a lot in the past week though. ive learned that as hard as i try i cant please everyone. theres always someone out there that im going to piss off because i didnt think before i acted. but ive learned that i have to not care about it. if the person is going to get all hot and bothered because i neglected to do something or didnt follow through or just plain forgot then thats their problem. my only priority is making me happy and i havent done that in awhile, i let myself be too affected by other people that i just wasnt being me, as corny as it sounds, i dont give a shit

i also learned that im stronger than what i thought. i can deal with things better than i thought i would. honesty the past two weeks have been hell on my self esteem. it seemed like everyone was out there to point my flaws out to me. doug had a problem with me so both he and carmen felt the need to point it out in their journals, adam and i had a fight where he pointed out some things, jackie got pissed off and called me some names, it was just hard to take in the time span of a few days. but thats when the realization of me not being able to please everyone came into play. im not saying that im going with the motto of fuck everyone or anything, but im just saying, if i piss you off its not completely intentional, im just learning that i have to put myself before others and thats not the way ive been living my life up until now, so its kind of a shock to everyone else...but i had this talk with hodges, and he made some sense of it...its about time i put myself first

yesterday daron ian and i went to regionals, it was soo cool, there was so much talent there, i was in awe the entire time, we watched two girls break state records, and we saw some amazing shot putters...i talked to coach for a bit, he's got my goals lined up for me for the summer, we start that next monday...it should be interesting

last night we went to nelsons, girls and guys seperated, much like a junior high dance, ive got my theories on why that was, but im not going to say anything, because ive also learned that my mouth gets me into trouble quite often. after that amanda sara and i went to see shrek 2...it was cute, it was quite good, but not as good as the first, just because the first was amazing, and the second just followed suit.

today we edited, it went well, and tomorrow it should all be wrapped up, mainly because it has to be or we fail...

i talked to megan last night on the phone...we've kinda decided that our "group" needs to take like a week off from each other. life has become so complicated, not only for me, but for everyone. i think if we were to just take a step back, take a little breather, and then reunite we would be ok, because we would understand why we all were friends in the first place. i hate to say it, but lately ive been looking at people and not understanding why we're friends...ive done it with the oddest people too...like megan, we dont really have a lot in common, but i love the girl to death. but really, how did we become friends, its odd...shes so peppy and im not. but it works...and ian...we all know how much i love that kid, but at the same time, i go through phases of not understanding him and not liking him at all...its like aunt elaines saying...1 boys a boy, 2 boys half a boy, and 3 boys is no boy at all. at times i'll be talking to him and i wont understand why i once considered him my best friend, and then other times its like i cant picture myself not being his friend...idk, its just odd how people can have so many sides to them, and its just hard when one time theyre amazing and the next time you see them they've made a 180 and you want to run away and cry as a result

idk, my mind seems so full right now and i cant get anything out of it that really makes sense

1 heartless bastard | crush me

:: 2004 23 May :: 12.06 pm
:: Mood: im ok

its been an interesting week...

schools been pretty much a waste lately, we're not pushing anything academically at all, we're basically just there to waste time until teachers can give us exams.

AS has been coming along, jackies been kicking butt in the lab, and sara and i went yesterday and tried to finish some things, we got all the images imported and started to fit some of it in, but its hard to understand jackies writing when she wrote it so only she could understand it, but its coming along, we've got all week, and megan and i finally dont have track after school to occupy us

speaking of track, districts was amazing. wednesday it was discus and i threw a 94'9'', which is good for me, but i needed to break 101 to get into finals, neither stacie and i made it, she only threw a 96 or so, but it was still a good time, i really enjoy meeting throwers from other schools and chatting with them, they're interesting. then the rest of the night i hung out with megan carrie daniel daron kelly and some others....kyle and i did the army crawl across the field, and i later found out that the coaches were laughing at us from the stands..eh, idc, when am i ever going to talk to all those people ever again, and who all really knew it was me? i was having fun haha. i got home a little after 11 that night, which wasnt too bad, but i did zero homework so...eh. thursdays practice was fun, i told bob that even though he was technically done he had to come to one last practice because we would never practice together ever again. so he came :) he skipped warm ups, but that doesnt matter. i was glad he came, and we kept joking about how we were never going to see each other ever again!! too bad i went and visited him yesterday at meijer. haha. friday...amazing!! it started off so badly though, we got to tiffin and we were put on a weather dealy, and then they put us all in the school, and everytime lightning struck we had to wait 30 minutes...we ended up delaying 2 and a half hours...it was torture, most of the team sat in a circle and played dorky elementary games, but at least they were entertaining. by then i had lost all ambition to throw...haha, i was wrong, i barely made finals with a 32'2.75'', i took the last spot and i only got it by a little more than an inch...well then coach was like well, just get it up because all my prelims were flat, so my mom pulled out the list of all the things ian told me to remember, she read them to me, i remembered to get it high and i busted out a 34'3''....that felt amazing, i ended up throwing a 34'4'' and placing 6th...i was 4.5'' from qualifying for regionals..its a bummer but at the same time, that was a 10 inch pr so i have nothing to be upset about, coach was positively giddy though, it was amazing

megan and i left districts early to go to relay, we got there, started walking, got daron ready...he looked pretty good...he didnt win, but it was still fun, walked some more, got best camp site...walked some more, it started to rain, and they ended up canceling relay, that was the biggest let down ever, after all the preparation, for it to be canceled at 1am...i was sad, but ian helped me pack up all my stuff into my car and then we went home

sara and i edited yesterday, went out to lunch with daniel, and then came back into town last night to watch troy, i got carded and the guy wasnt to pleased when i asked for 2 tickets and didnt have another id, but there was noting he could do about it, so i got ians ticket. it was a good movie though, i enjoyed it, but brad pitt isnt a very good actor, so it kinda took away from it...we went to DQ afterwards and met up with ali and megan...we were only there for a short while, and it was fun, and i got ice cream..whats not to like?

today we've a concert, and rehearsal...should be interesting, everyone should come, its at 7 at kobacker and its free!

thats it

2 heartless bastards | crush me

:: 2004 18 May :: 9.03 pm

When I was young
I never needed anyone
And makin’ love was just for fun
Those days are gone

Livin’ alone
I think of all the friends I’ve known
But when I dial the telephone
Nobody’s home

All by myself
Don’t wanna be, all by myself anymore
All by myself
Don’t wanna live, all by myself anymore

Hard to be sure
Some times I feel so insecure
And love so distant and obscure
Remains the cure

crush me

:: 2004 18 May :: 7.18 pm

Today, Brittany, someone might ask you what you're up to or what you're thinking about. Scorpios often think about things that are often inaccessible to most people. Today it will be as if you have gone totally inside yourself on your quest for answers to your spiritual questions or to the secrets of life. Just tell that person you are trying to rest, as they probably won't understand what you're thinking about anyway...

ha

crush me

:: 2004 17 May :: 11.08 pm
:: Mood: ugh

ive gone back into the habit of falling asleep when i get home, i dont like it when i do that, because it results in me not going to bed until well past midnight and then waking up at 6...it doesnt work

school was a waste...band was nothing special, pops concert will be decent except for freckles, freckles is dumb, but wizard is awesome, and the movement of danceries we're playing is actually a good one, and the boroque song is really cool to listen to, but we dont play the cool parts so its a slight let down...

math test will be my death, i still cant get certain formulas to pop out at me, so we'll see...but that class is again a waste...its so bland

spanish...well lets put it this way, i dont care about subjentives...or weddings

study hall...biggest waste of time ever..its starting to bore me

chemistry, i dont get it, megan had to explain it to me in the lunch line and it finally clicked...it was a lecture today that in the first 5 minutes drove me to sleep, then people got up and moved around which stirred my interest, ian spinning on a table is quite the sight

AS...we did work today on the project..it's coming together, but everyone is getting tense about it, so nothing is easy going in that class, normally i can make things light with jokes...not now

track...ugh, coach wasnt there and it had started to rain, so we were inside, we lifted a little, nothing too hard, but something productive, the boys trained with the medicine ball, i didnt join them because they were throwing it a lot harder than i would ever be able to, and i didnt want tog et in the way, so vannett and i did a lot of abs, it was fun, and we found chalk, so we'll see how that works out for us. coach came back and gave us our schedules for districts...last flight last thrower for shot, and last flight second thrower for disc...chances of me making finals for either...slim to none :(

i can't decide if i want track to be over yet or not. is it bad that i feel like an outsider while im there? i cant talk to emgan or kelly because they're off running, vannett i can talk to for short periods of time before my eyes start to cross, stacie's not bad but again with the eye crossing, ian adam and bob seem to make it a point to seperate themselves from the group...i dont know, i used to think i could talk to those guys now i just feel incredibly inferior and dont even want to test it anymore, all this plus the fact im failing at disc horribly isnt helping the whole self esteem...but i like track, because its something to do everyday, and i really do enjoy throwing when everyone is getting along and theres no pressure...unfortunately this week is full of pressure...i just dont know anymore

remember when we had girls nights? its been awhile...

remember when we all actually hung out? yea, its also been awhile for that

change is bad, everything has taken a 180 lately, and everytime i try to bring it up it gets shot down, so im sitting here in my turmoil and that cant be good for my mental state

i talked to my parents about cincinnati..i think they're finally getting comfortable with the idea of me going away to college :)

relay is this weekend, and because of me not making it to finals probably i'll be able to get there by 8! :) that makes me extremely happy

ive rambled enough

2 heartless bastards | crush me

:: 2004 16 May :: 11.24 pm
:: Mood: undecided

well this weekend was a bust...friday was spent at nlls of course, and i went to bed that night and slept until 10, it was glorious, then i went shopping with my mom and dad...i seriously cannot spend more than a few hours with them, they ask too many questions and give too many speeches, so i was really planning on going out that night...it didnt happen. sara stevie and emgan were all working, jackie went to kats party, and the boys decided to have a boys night and not call me...so i was the big loser left home alone on a saturday night...i watched big fish though, good movie...wow im pathetic

i went to bed last night in a pretty horrible mood, in tears, i just kind of wept myself to sleep, ian just told me to sleep it out and try to forget about it, its hard, but it'll go away soon...but gah, what an ass

today i went to 4h and relay, both were productive, i was at alis for a bit, felt extremely out of place and ended up leaving after a game of pool and a short conversation..i meant to come home and write my paper, instead i fell asleep and didnt start it until 930, i finished it by 10, and its bad, but its finished, i just need a semi decent grade on it

im really ready for school to be out...im tired of having to keep working and doing the exact same thing everyday...i swear, all the days are just blurring together because there is nothing seperating them! its so annoying

2 heartless bastards | crush me

:: 2004 16 May :: 11.02 pm

You think that I go home at night
Take off my clothes, turn out the lights
But I burn letters that I write
To you, to make you love me

Yeah, I drive naked through the park
And run the stop sign in the dark
Stand in the street, yell out my heart
To make, to make you love me

I am extraordinary, if you'd ever get to know me
I am extraordinary, I am just your ordinary
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho

You may not believe in me
But I believe in you
So I still take the trash out
Does that make me too normal for you?

So dig a little deeper, cause
You still don't get it yet
See me lickin' my lips, need a primitive fix
And I'll make, I'll make you love me

I am extraordinary, if you'd ever get to know me
I am extraordinary, I am just your ordinary
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess

See me jump through hoops for you
You stand there watching me performing
What exactly do you do?
Have you ever thought it's you that's boring?
Who the hell are you?

I am extraordinary, if you'd ever get to know me
I am extraordinary, I am just your ordinary
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho

Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho

crush me

:: 2004 15 May :: 12.02 am
:: Mood: uncertain

well im wet, im cold and i hurt...

today started out sooo well too!!

we had the junior/senior awards this morning, longest damn awards ever, but they werent so bad, some of the presentations were mildly entertaining and for the rest of it i doodled on the back of my program. some parts were good and really touching...i love kyle by the way :) oh and greatest thing ever, half way through the ceremony and look over my shoulder and who do i see?? Nathan! ahh...so attractive. i love that kid to death, he is amazing...and hes golfing with Mike tomorrow and i am thoroughly jealous! grr....

after the assembly, i had study hall, chem, and AS....all of which we did absolutely nothing, it was such a blow off day...then it was time for NLLs...ugh..

wednesday i threw horribly, i didnt make it to finals and coaches werent pleased, carney had made a speech about field events having to step it up, then today when im ready to walk over to the shot circle, he pulled me over and was like 'hey, remember that speech i gave on wed...that was about you, you need to really step it up today' yea, fuck you buddy.

today was shot at NLLs...i threw a 32'7'', i made it to finals, and i placed 5th, not bad, i really wanted fourth though, i dont know why but thats what i wanted at the least, well i got 5th, which i personally dont think is horrible, but you always have that feeling that if you were able to try it one more time it would come out to be so much better...but you never get that other chance...its aggravating

girls ended up placing second in the league...by a lot..we'll pay for it on monday, runners moreso than me, i'll just get more speeches on needing to step it up...ok, they've given me that speech like 3 times a week since the beginning of the season, and it hasnt worked yet, you'd think they'd try a new strategy or something

im starting to feel like the loop hole again, i realize that im not, but its hard

i miss life when it was simple...if i could switch places with anyone, i would switch places with a 5 year old...they dont care about anything, as long as they can run outside and their snack will be waitiing for them when they're ready thats all they need....no stresses from teachers, peers, coaches, or in all actually yourself. ive gotten so down on myself lately, its horrid, and i see no way around it, people say to lighten up, but i cant, im just not performing to the best of my abliilties and i feel like a big slacker...grr..

i dont like it when bad memories are brought up again...the whole prom comment came up tonight at the meet...i wanted to cry, it still bothers me, and it probably will for awhile, but as long as its not brought to the table, im fine...ugh, i just wanted to hide when they brought it up, i couldnt get up and leave though that would only result in snide/smart ass comments and giggles...im fine with them thinking its humorous, if they find it funny thats great...their sense of humor must be far superior to my own...id just appreciate it not being said anymore...ever

im not looking forward to track next week...ians done so he wont be coming :(...he should, if nothing else throw shot or something, idk, i just want him there...him and his stupid singing of 'somewhere over the rainbow'

idk...i think ive rambled enough

2 heartless bastards | crush me

:: 2004 10 May :: 8.20 pm
:: Mood: relaxed

today was decent...my foot was really giving me some problems today, it hasnt lately so i find it odd that it was such a bother...oh well, i just need to hold out until next saturday..its completely do-able

math is starting to bug me, we're writing recursive shit for things that have awkward patterns, and im used to patterns just jumping out at me, and lately these have not, and its really bothering me, because we have a quiz tomorrow and this stuff isnt exactly something you can study for, plus we have a shortened period to take it...stress!!

spanish was dumb, im seeing no point with that class anymore...study hall was fun though, i hung out with daniel and ian, ian was being so restless, he would not stop going through my things and he wouldnt let me work on my spanish without eating part of the paper...its like omg...calm down! lol, but it was fun, very entertaining

chem...review...my team kicked butt until she started asking random science trivia...grr, so we ended up losing, but when we concluded the test review questions we had won by 2 points....so james is a meanie returns wins again!

AS...slept through the entire movie, will not do well on the response that goes along with it...ugh, that class will be my death

had an interview today...members of my group werent being cooperative, megan got the rebuttles because she set up the time for it, but she only went by the times given to her for everyone's availablilty, no one had any right to go at her like that...it not only stresses her out when its not needed but it stresses everyone out...it was just unjustified, and that totally put me not in the mood to go to track, it was too hot and miserable for the first part...then we actually started to throw and it was ok after that, good day with bob...he's so funny, horribly mean, but funny haha...im so gonna miss him next season! its horrible, but i still have adam and ian and angie :)

tomorrow will be a light practice filled with discus...no shot for me tomorrow, but i need to get disc in like mad, so i think i may throw in the jh circle in order to get away form the mass amounts of people we always have around...it'll be nice. im still not completely comfortable with disc, and i really should be...i mean nlls are wednesday, it'll come out fine though, it always does

hmm...i wonder if the buses will be segregated...because if they arent, i have a nice list of topics that i want to talk about...haha

1 heartless bastard | crush me

:: 2004 9 May :: 8.46 pm
:: Mood: good song....good movie

Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms
There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life

If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

A window breaks, down a long, dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm alright, 'cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see, through the dark there is light

Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought that I'd love anyone so much

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way the back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

crush me

:: 2004 9 May :: 8.27 pm

The Gift of Time
To realize the value of ONE YEAR, ask a student who failed a grade.

To realize the value of ONE MONTH, ask a mother who gave birth to a premature baby.

To realize the value of ONE WEEK, ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize the value of ONE HOUR, ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.

To realize the value of ONE MINUTE, ask a person who just missed the train.

To realize the value of ONE SECOND, ask a person who just avoided an accident.

To realize the value of ONE MILLISECOND, ask the person who won a Silver medal in the Olympics.

Time waits for no one.

crush me