emilydawest
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2004 12 June :: 10.52pm
Summer vacation had been unproductive so far. Or at least in my mind it has. I have had a lot of fun, but i like to be productive too. The rain has hindered my ativities somewhat these last few days (gardening, and bike riding) and many other around the house things.
Sharon is gone until the 21st, so i am very anti-social at the moment. I actually think that her absense will give me time to catch up with other friends that i have neglected. which reminds me...
Yes, and i have realized how insanely old i am getting...18. I really don't want to be that old, i mean i will never grow up. I am still nothing more than a kid now, but it just puts everything in perspective. My life has been flying by and will continue to do so.
I wish it wouldn't.
crush me
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emilydawest
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2004 8 June :: 2.41pm
Catch me like a falling star
a rat's match like ailing fame
frame in arts game
rename it
kill it
crush me
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sushininja
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2004 6 June :: 9.23am
:: Mood: even more depressed...
It happened, pretty much...I was hoping it'd never happen...I guess it was just plain inevitability...which sucks, a lot...this sucks...
However, if this is what it will take for Carmen to be happy, then it had to be done...if my presence is going to hurt Carmen, then this is the outcome that must be...I never wanted to hurt Carmen, and unfortuantely, I have...too much, it would seem...
So maybe this will be good in the long run...she can enjoy her summer without me to ruin it for her...she wont have me to hold her back anymore...she can be happy now...
3 heartless bastards |
crush me
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emilydawest
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2004 3 June :: 8.49pm
A life can change without anyone knowing. The love of our life has died for our atoning.
crush me
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sushininja
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2004 3 June :: 8.41am
:: Mood: depressed...
Pretty much everything I had ever hoped for went down the drain last night...you know, being happy...
I was right, there is no way out of this without hurting anybody...especially since I've already hurt Carmen a lot...which is something I never wanted to do...
I just want some guidance...
4 heartless bastards |
crush me
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sushininja
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2004 2 June :: 3.20pm
:: Music: Dragonforce-My spirit will go on
It's been awhile...haven't updated because I didn't have the will to...and I was afraid of what I would have written...things have slowed down though, done with AS, school coming to a close, etc...This week really isn't as busy as past weeks have been...exams are tomorrow, well, french and math...Amanda and I are going to study for french tonight, because neither of us really know any of it...and we don't want to fail...math should be simple, and so should chem...got my t-shirt today, turned out wonderfully...yay!
My emotions have really been confused recently...extremely confused...I have no clue what to do, and no one has really been able to help, probably because no one can help me with this, a decision I must make for myself...
*sigh*
Give me strength...
3 heartless bastards |
crush me
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emilydawest
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2004 1 June :: 10.12pm
I think the biggest confidence boost a girl can have is good hair.
There is nothing like silky hair. I am telling you right now that everything else just seems better when your hair smooth and flowing. You simply wish there was a romantic breeze blowing so you could toss your hair seductively.
Oh the wonders of expensive shampoo. It gives me such joy, at least for the moment. I am allowed to be satisfied with the way i look once in awhile.
yes, once.
crush me
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emilydawest
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2004 31 May :: 7.34pm
At moments I am not sure what direction my life is going in. At other times, i know exactly, and those are the times I love most. Those are the people i love most.
crush me
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sushininja
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2004 27 May :: 10.58pm
:: Mood: indecisive
:: Music: Dragonforce
Well, tonight was fun...kind of...I ate a whole bunch...so much, I'm surprised my stomach is still alive...I didn't win the presidency, James did...I'm going to keep him in line though, if he does get out of line...I did receive the Arion award, which was an extremely uplifting event...Did some great editing after school today...project's looking great...yay! Banquet next Tuesday, woo!
Tomorrow, gonna go shopping for my father...maybe I'll try to get some sushi with Carmen...or maybe I could treat her to some next week...time will tell...
Quote of the day:
"On the endless sea of madness we sail forever more
And the endless tears of sadness towards the distant shores"
3 heartless bastards |
crush me
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sushininja
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2004 24 May :: 11.21pm
:: Mood: you tell me...
:: Music: Paradise by the Dashboard Lights
Well, this weekend was alright...went to see the One Acts on Friday night, and then to Relay for Life...had a good time, got sick, and then came home...read more of my book, and then eventually got to sleep...kinda cried myself to sleep...
Saturday morning I woke rather early to go to work, and then I went to baeball practice...turns out I am still able to hit rather well...came home, showered, and then went to Carmen's, ran some errands, and looked for her keychain (which, unfortunately, we did not find)...we went back to her house for awhile, and then I left for church...fell asleep a little during church...came home, cleaned up a little, and then picked Carmen up for the receital of Evan and Christine, which was amazing by the way...afterwards, I went to get Subway, and McDonalds for Carmen...we ended up eating in McDonalds and keeping Douggie company during his break...afterwards, we returned to Carmen's house, and watched Monster's Inc.
Sunday was rather bassoon-filled...I had my lessons at 11 A.M., because of our concert...at 1:30, I went back to Kobacker for rehersal...after rehersal, I came home and fell asleep until about 5:30...had dinner, got dressed, and then went to the concert...Concert went well, bands played very well...after the concert, Carmen and I went to Dairy Queen and met up with some other people, had a good time with that...drove home through the torrential downpour, waiting most of it out in Carmen's driveway...made it home safe...
Today sucked...
I'm also getting ill...my head and sides ache to no end...
Quote of the day:
"And I'm praying for the end of time
So I can end my time with you"
2 heartless bastards |
crush me
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emilydawest
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2004 24 May :: 8.27pm
kiss the sunset
crush me
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sushininja
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2004 20 May :: 11.28pm
:: Mood: let down...tired...
:: Music: Ten Years Gone-Led Zeppelin
Another busy day...I swear, this whole ordeal is going to run me straight into the ground...I haven't had much time to myself lately, it is always GO GO GO! I've not spent time with Carmen all week, but tomorrow night that wil hopefully change...I plan on editing until 4 or so tomorrow, so yeah...
Today was rather busy...in Band, Daniel made a comment, proving just how much of a sexist he is, which warrented a punch between the eyes, but being in school, I could not commit such a thing...In French, got a few of my verb quizzes back...I re-took a few during lunch, so that helped out a little...didn't do much in Chem...nor in Art...but in math, I got my test back, and I got a 56/60!!! Woo! In AS (and the rest of the day) Peter and I edited our movie some more...I made countless runs all over the building...I also saw Carmen a few times...
I stayed in the G4 lab until 4:30, and then went to work...well, to Carmen's for a quick hug, and then to work...the good news at work was that there were donuts in the back, to quell my hunger...and no Mrs. East! I also acted as the liasion between Dr. Underwood and the CP Staff...sometime after 6, I called Brittany to make sure we still had plans tonight to work on the chem, but Daniel and her had already done it, and she was on her way home...so not only did she not wait for me to do the homework, she didn't stop by like she thought she'd be able to...and later tonight, I talked to her, she said that if I had called 10 minutes earlier, she'd have turned around...kinda ticked me off, that I need to call people to remind them that I even fucking exist...*sigh*
After work, Amanda still wanted to work on the Chemisty, so we did, and we finished it...she left after awhile...that was one good thing for today...another good thing was that Sara apologized to me for being a bitch lately, and that she just needed time so she could come to realization that she screwed up (after prom)...the final good thing was that I got to see Carmen for awhile...she needed a scanner, and I have one...so yeah...horrible day, but it did have it's plusses...
No quote due to malfunctioning computer...
3 heartless bastards |
crush me
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emilydawest
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2004 20 May :: 9.45pm
twisted in a trite conniption
twitching under tight restriction
fighting for a light reduction
tearing down prior construction
waiting for that vile eruption
following my fate of destruction
did it give me this instruction?
should i follow my own deduction?
missed the thought by a distraction
living life without elation
deliver me from disruption
under seige and constriction
remove me from this dictation
only onward with new conviction.
crush me
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sushininja
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2004 19 May :: 11.27pm
:: Mood: tired...and maybe a little of something else...
Today, I ran late, which was partially due to me having to fill out the band questionnaire...I was nominated for the Arion award, and hopefully I will recieve it...that'd be so sweet...anywho, band and french went slow...in chem, we flew out balloons, and ours took second place with an air-time of 26 seconds and some odd milliseconds...Sara was being a total bitch, I have no idea what was up her ass today...I told her that if she had nothing nice to say, she should say anything at all...which is true...in Art, I worked on my acrylic paint a little more...in math, I did pretty poorly on my test, and then I went and had lunch with Carmen in the drama room...in AS, we worked on editing, which is coming along rather well...I have been rather snappish with Yi lately, and I feel bad for it...
After editing until 4:30, I went to Rally's to get a burger, and then to work...I worked until 7:30, the last hour or so spent reading the shelves, which is positively the most boring job ever! Have mercy on me, lord of books!
I had a reed-buying session with Michael tonight...I bought two reeds that need to be broken in, but shall last me the whole summer, hopefully...that way, I can get first chair at wooster!!! Yay...
After meeting with Michael, I dropped by Carmen, gave her a hug or two (hopefully boosting her morale during the arduous calc paper) and then came home...I had two Grandma Ginny burgers for dinner, and finished reading Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas...worked a little on my Matewan respose, but should really finish it up soon...
Tomorrow, I am going to try and watch the one acts...I know I will make it on Friday though...
Quote of the day:
"Lazy sun
Your eyes catch the light
With promises that might
Come true for awhile
Oh I'll ride
Farther than I should
Harder than I could
Just to meet you there "
1 heartless bastard |
crush me
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emilydawest
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2004 19 May :: 3.50pm
Wow.
I don't think i have felt this good in a long long time. I am back in the swing of life again and it feels amazing. For such a long time I have avoiding certain people, and avoiding certain experiences. Let me say now, I am glad that I snapped out of it. I am so sorry to anyone that I have neglected...I'm not sure why I was so grumpy/antisocial for so long. Maybe it was the cold weather and winter. I don't know, there really isn't any valid excuse. So please, forgive me.
crush me
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emilydawest
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2004 18 May :: 8.40pm
wished upon a little star
wondering where you are
twinkling up in the sky
like a little firefly
twinkle twinkle
you're my star
oh i wonder where you are
crush me
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sushininja
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2004 17 May :: 10.55pm
:: Mood: content
Well, today was rather slow...not too much happened in classes, except in AS, where we started our editing...it was kind of a waste, and introductory lesson for those who didn't know much about i-Movie...we stayed until 3:30 or so, and then I went to work...work sucked...a lot...I was really tired, my stomach felt horrible, Mrs. East was in bitch-mode...
After work, I came home, and did nothing, really...hard to believe, with this exciting life of mine...anyways, eventually, I went with my mother to Spots to get dinner, and then I picked Carmen up for the Outsider's event...this Nighthike was pretty fun...we walked around, birding for about an hour and a half...then we star-gazed for awhile, looking at Jupiter, Saturn, Mars, Venus, and the N.E.A.T. Comet...this has sparked an interest in me to start using our telescope...maybe I can get Carmen to join me regularily this summer...which would be sweet!
No time for a quote...sorry folks...
5 heartless bastards |
crush me
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emilydawest
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2004 17 May :: 8.44pm
Rules give us the means by which to think freely within confinement and push the limits without breaking boundaries.
crush me
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sushininja
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2004 16 May :: 11.35pm
:: Mood: hard to tell...
Well, today was alright...my parents woke me up for church, but I didn't really want to go...I got home from church, and practiced bassoon a little...after that, I had lunch, worked on my painting, and then on my Matewan response...I then went to Carmen's to hang out...came home for dinner, and then went to bassoon...stopped by Carmen's afterwords, chatted a little with her and Doug, and then came home...worked on Matewan response more, and here I am...yeup...exciting, eh?
I would like to ask for Carmen's forgiveness...I've being a real moron about the whole commenting on my journal thing...I'm sorry Carmen...
And to Britt, I'm sorry about being harsh for not visiting me at the library...yeah...
Quote of the day:
"There you are
And you stand in the rain
And the rain fills your brain
And it makes you think that God
Was fucked up when he made this town
There you stand
With your bleedin' hands
And you don't understand
Why you work so goddamn hard
To be anything at all
There you are
And you drive in your car
And you wish for the stars
And you end up face down in the road
Dead as fuck "
2 heartless bastards |
crush me
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emilydawest
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2004 16 May :: 5.17pm
Sweeping through a blissfull time
kissing lips
oh divine
wondering
and pondering
thinking past and beyond all time
whispers of what's been pacified
undenied
unified
blowing kisses slowly to the wind
and watching them float silently away
crush me
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