emilydawest
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2004 17 March :: 9.10pm
the sickness is kicking into high gear now. All out sore throat/ coughing is going on. Yes, i feel so incredibly good. I want to stay home and sleep for along time, but that isn't going to happen. Nope.
no.
crush me
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emilydawest
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2004 16 March :: 10.32pm
The last few days have been very trying. Some conflicts have developed but now have been solved. It is hard when your friend is having problems and you can't help her...i really wish i could but there is nothing i can do but be there for her and listen. and it is so hard...so very hard.
I am glad though that other conflicts have been resolved. For awhile i wasn't sure what i was going to do. Maybe ignore the problem for awhile and hoping that it would solve itself.
Anyways i feel alot better. After talking to people things are looking bright. Hopefully it stays that way for awhile and maybe the snow will melt away too.
crush me
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emilydawest
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2004 16 March :: 9.41pm
things can pull us apart
so
don't let them.
crush me
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emilydawest
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2004 15 March :: 6.11pm
So i am getting sick, as in a cold. Not fun. I thought cold season was over...but yah i realized walking about half a mile to school this morning without a coat didn't help the situation much. Sore throat is going full throttle now.
And i am wishing i had a new face...i hate being a teenager. I think if my face doesn't clear up soon i am going to see a doctor about it, because this is ridiculous.
crush me
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emilydawest
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2004 13 March :: 9.52pm
sometimes i wonder if i even should try to have friends because everyone seems to act like i don't need them. Stay home they say, you haven't been home all week.
well duh i haven't been home because i have been at school!!! and after everyday of school i come home...so i am not sure what the problem is exactly. Sometimes i need to get away from home and sharon's place is always a nice get a way. No, i think i am going to start staying home all the time from now on since it is such a hassle to even get out of the house. I get out but it is always a family thing and sometimes i don't want to do that...ugh.
And i have found out that the only reason i am wanted at home is so i can clean. isn't that just great? I come home so i can clean since i am the only one (and my dad) that does it on a daily basis. Everyone else in the house has the fondness of waiting until sunday after to clean after a whole week of being lazy. And a note to this, that is why no matter what day of the week my room is clean, because i cannot stand the way the rest of the house looks and i will not let my room become a crap hole like the rest of the house.
So, i am staying home all of next weekend with my door closed, my music on, and reading a nice book. No cleaning.
crush me
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sushininja
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2004 13 March :: 4.33pm
:: Mood: tired...peeved...
:: Music: Satch
Well...last night was fun...hung out with the girls...first time in a while that I've done that...we saw the Passion of Christ...quite a powerful movie...very moving, very emotional...extremely well done...brought me to tears...brought Stevie and Britt to tears...Sara didn't understand because she doesn't really practice a religion and Daniel's Jewish (I don't mean any offense by that statement) so it doesn't affect him the same...afterwards, we went back to Britt's Aunt's and hung out there...watched American Pie 2...was a fun time...I took Sara home, and then drove around for awhile, waiting for Carmen to get home...at home, got chastised by my dad for "not taking care of myself"...oh well...
I woke up, showered, masturbated, ate eggs, went to the math test...I guessed on practically everything on the test...kinda funny actually...but yeah...I went to work...work was really relaxed...just kinda goofed around with Kristin and Jen...perhaps got a job from Jen, watching her kids sometime...who knows...
Dr. Rowlands and Carmen stopped by work to visit me, and then we ran some errands...he bought us hot chocolate from Grounds...Carmen ran around with me while I got some stuff for my sister's B-Day tomorrow...then I took her home and dropped her off...I was really hoping that we'd be able to hang out after that...we've not spent much time together recently, and I miss it badly...but she seemed like she wanted to hang out with Chris pretty bad so I didn't feel like trashing her hopes instead of mine...plus, we're hanging out later tonight also, after I have my taco dinner with the girls...better not push it I guess, no need to be selfish...
Quote of the day:
"Let me taste
Let me feel
I need to know what you keep inside"
2 heartless bastards |
crush me
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emilydawest
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2004 12 March :: 8.34pm
So i have gone the last two days without skipping any class at all, or leaving school early at any time. Wow.
On another note, today was Pi Day. Yep that's right 3.14 the number that goes on forever. But to add to that, we had pie on Pi Day. My friend had ordered it for me last week and to my surprise she wasn't in math class today so I had two pieces. Kinda felt bad tho because she paid for it... Best thing tho was when the German exchange students were the ones delivering it. Came in with a cart and started reading off names in their German accents. Pretty darn funny i must say, tho Marcel and Sebastian are pretty darn cool themselves.
So after school I had to be at the library (no the school library) like Sharon thought (but she has selective hearing) so i had to be there at 3 and by the time i left the high school it was 2 forty five and i was to be at the lib. at 3. But it isn't exactly a hop, skip and a jump away. Almost a mile, so i walked/jogged/ran my butt off. By the time i got there my legs felt a bit like jello and my chest was wheezing like crazy. I really don't like windy cold days. And running in jeans is not that much fun either...
So at four i went to a steak dinner thing at a church McClure. Fun stuff, many old people but it was cool. My brother has his "health baby" the one that likes to cry and you have to feed it and junk. I am so glad that when i did it, I had one of the old ones.
Right so Sharon is at a fish-fry since she can't eat meat on Friday (lent). I know fish is a meat but Catholics think it isn't and you can't eat meat on Friday...its an odd concept to me...but of course Sharon would condemn me if i wasn't her friend since i had steak on a friday.
Oh well. Steak tastes better than fish anyways, and I think Martin Luther would agree.
crush me
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sushininja
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2004 11 March :: 10.27pm
:: Mood: HAPPY!
:: Music: Suzanne Vega-Tom's Diner
I don't know what has gotten into me recently...I really don't...it just seemed to have happened Tuesday night...I got really depressed...might have been a combination of me being sick...and me being really lonely throughout the days I was home...
Or my dentist's visit on Wednesday...revealed some news...that I've got two cavities that need to be filled, 2 more that need to be watched...first time in 11 years that I've had a cavity...it really upset me...I may have over reacted, I may have not...but I promised myself to never get a cavity again...but it's happened, so there isn't anything I can do about it...except work on the others...and start flossing more dilligently...
It's not good when this happens...
But no longer...I'm done...Carmen doesn't like it when I'm like that...and I've got a feeling no one else does either...but yeah...I'm happy now...so yeah, thanks hun...
Tonight we had band...it was good...I played my solo well, as did everyone else...Ian got the half note...it was good...but we need to work on it, but wel will, and it will be ready by the time we need it to be...yes...it will be ready...it will be good...we will get a superior...
Tomorrow, I'm going to go see the Passion with Britt and whoever else decides to come along...that is, if I can get in...
Saturday, hopefully I'll be eating tacos (after a year in waiting...) at Britt's aunt's house...and then, after that, I will hang out with Carmen...watch Schindler's List if we've got time, or if not, any of the other movies on our list...very long list...
Quote of the day:
"And the unsung Western hero killed an Indian or three
and made his name in Hollywood
to set the white man free.
Oh Jesus save me!"
1 heartless bastard |
crush me
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sushininja
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2004 11 March :: 3.33pm
Life sucks, yes it does!
I'm off to work to reenforce just how much life sucks!
2 heartless bastards |
crush me
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emilydawest
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2004 10 March :: 6.37pm
so i actually think i am going to start working on not skipping class now, because i just about permenantly screwed myself over....ugh.
crush me
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sushininja
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2004 9 March :: 10.16pm
:: Mood: tired...
:: Music: Iced Earth
I was sick yesterday...and sick today...had absolutely no energy yesterday...Britt's been keeping me up to date on what I've been missing (or not missing as it seems) in school...I'm not too far behind...some math to make up, a chem worksheet I need to do...review sheet that is...I don't know if it needs to be done or not...don't think I'm too far behind in AS...art, I should be okay in that, if Nelson did what I asked him to...
Work is not what I'll be okay in...in fact, I expect to me shot when I walk tomorrow...well, more crushed beneath the books, but dead all the same...I'm gonna probably work on Friday...and on Sunday also...
Britt stopped by for a visit today...which was nice of her to do...she's going to be in town until next Monday...house sitting...
Amanda called to remind me of the field trip and to see how I was...
Carmen took me to Wal-Mart to buy some stuff...
All three things cheered me up today...
"and now my body is starting to quiver"
Aqualung=Grandia 2...that's how it is for me...whenever is hear "My God" I think of the final boss battle...and "Lick your Fingers Clean" brings back the events before entering the Granassaber...the whole album just brings back memories of that game...
And it's not just sometimes that those memories come back...everytime I listen to that album...*bam* inudated by memories...one of the only games I've cried from...kinda dorky...but hey...good memories...
Almost as good as those from Sonic 2...almost...
Today, we filled out my application for Wooster...and well...it's my last summer...although I'm looking forward to camp, I sure wish it weren't my last time to go...maybe later, when I pwn the world with my bassoon, I'll be invited to be an instructor...heh...
Quote of the day:
"People - what have you done
locked Him in His golden cage.
Made Him bend to your religion
Him resurrected from the grave."
1 heartless bastard |
crush me
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emilydawest
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2004 9 March :: 9.13pm
Okay, so i am going to start working on the problem next week...i think.
crush me
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emilydawest
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2004 8 March :: 11.14pm
I have come to the conclusion that I have a problem.
I haven't really noticed it all that much, until Sharon's mom said something to me, and Xach is seeming to acknowledge distress.
I am a chronic school skipper.
Its not like i am missing anything important on the days i do decide to do it. I have two studyhalls, and do you know how boring and tempting that can be? especially when the are 5th and 7th period. Plus having art 6th doesn't help the situation much. Some days i just walk out one of the side doors and leave, that simple. It's not like if they catch you they can say, "you will not be able to make up any missed work" because what is there to makeup in art in the amount of one day? nothing. Everything is over an alotted amount of time. And studyhall doesn't even count for absences. Ugh, besides, i have an A+ in art and i have probably missed more days in that class than anyone. Just peachy. I know i should stay at school, but what is the point? I don't go to lunch either so i have from the time 5th period begins (plus lunch) to do whatever. That is from 11:22 until 12:42. Then i have art, and after that another studyhall, 1:40 till 2:30. Half of the time i finish my homework during my lunch period and listen to music on the computers in the linrary or walk around the school aimlessly trying to figure out where are of the cameras are, and ways to avoid them (yes i know that is weird) But when you have so much spare time, what else can you do?
Maybe you would say, "you could get ahead, or study for an upcoming test" well i do that. I have read the next chapter in history once already and we just started it today. I have my English project done that isn't due until Friday. I am half way done with art and it isn't due until next friday. I am two days ahead in Algebra, and as of now I have an 88% in that class!!! (YES!!) And that 88 is a big differnce from the 78 i was getting 2 weeks ago... There is nothing going on in German right now except a dialogue skit that my group is doing Wed. So as of now i am set. I could almost miss the next 2 days and just pickup where i left off. I am not going to do that of course, but for the first time in my life (school life) i am ahead of the game, and it feels oh so good.
and yet i still am a chronic skipper, imagine that?
ha. I am thinking though that soon this skippage is going to stop, at least the 5th period and art, because i have had some run-ins with the higher-ups bro. yah, word.
crush me
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emilydawest
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2004 8 March :: 9.26pm
It's been a while.
Well, let's see. Nothing exciting has happened in the last few days. Well i got my history test back today (that i took friday) and i got a 96%. It was pretty awesome until i got the second part of my test back, the essay. The essay was optional this time but i figured i had studied for it so i might as well give it a shot. Well i bombed it and since the essay is 15% of the total grade my 96 dropped to a 92. Yah, i was a bit upset with that, but I still got an A.
Otherwise school has been school, life has been life.
The one thing though that has happened lately that has changed me a bit was watching the Passion. Wow, i will never think of the crucifixion in the same way again, never.
crush me
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sushininja
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2004 7 March :: 7.44pm
:: Mood: sick, ill...
:: Music: LoD, DoD
I haven't updated since Tuesday...partly because I didn't have time, partly because I didn't feel like it, and mostly because woohu was sucking for me...I believe things are better...for me and for those involved...and thanks to Britt, who helped me out bunches...
Thursday, I went with Carmen to see the Imani Winds...amazing concert, front row and free...was such a good time...I bought their CD also, but haven't listened to it...
Friday, I stayed after school to work on Art, got it all done...mostly that is...Carmen and
Ryan stopped by, and then we went and got sushi...I then went home, after eating dinner, and played GunBound...I talked to Britt on the phone while doing so, and Sara chimed in once or twice, every so often, and randomly...or what...hmm...I went to the show that night, which was great...Carmen did a wonderful job...they all did a wonderful job...
Saturday, I worked early morning, and then started to get sick...stopped by carmen's, then went home and rested...Britt came over eventually, and then we played some putt-putt...we left to go see the TSO concert, which had an amazing trumpeteer...wow...holy shit! whatever else you want to say about him, it's true...amazing...simply amazing...I was feeling pretty badly on the way home, so we stopped by Burger King and I got a frozen Coke...after that, we stopped by Sara's, and I think I fell asleep on her couch...Carmen stopped by after I got home...she said the performance went well...we talked for awhile until my mother kicked her out...
I had a rough night last night...woke up several times, a few I was delerious while doing so...
Currently, I'm working on my paper, and updating, and talking to Britt...not getting much done on the paper...I went and saw the show again today, it was good again...they were having some technical difficulties, and that seemed to be the only problem...good show, bet they're glad they put it on, after all this huffing over it...
Quote of the day:
"There is a rain falling only on me
There is a dream I am living
There is a life I am dreaming of
There is a death I'm awaiting "
5 heartless bastards |
crush me
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sushininja
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2004 2 March :: 10.56pm
:: Mood: confused, maybe?
Read my mood...
2 heartless bastards |
crush me
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emilydawest
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2004 1 March :: 5.24pm
so here i am
again
bored
crush me
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sushininja
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2004 29 February :: 10.01pm
:: Mood: blech
The worst times I ever have in the morning are when I realize that I've woken up again...
I read through most of my old journal entries...I'm depressed a whole lot...and that was a year ago...a whole lot of progress, eh?
This weekend was okay, worked on the opera, the strike, stayed at Kobacker till 3:30 or so...I was up till 6:00 this morning, thinking, thinking...about it all, reasonably so...I really wish I knew what people felt about me...especially Carmen and Sara...I'm not assuming anything, because odds are it will be wrong...
Today I watched Malcolm X with Carmen and Esther...Carmen seemed to be really annoyed with me...I don't know what I've done...
Had a bassoon lesson tonight, hopefully these will give much needed improvement to my ability and playing and knowledge...
*Yawn* I'm tired, I want to skip tomorrow...but I always feel guilty, about not going to work...not so much guilty as a feeling of dread washes over me...
I'm in pretty bad emotional and mental shape right now...
2 heartless bastards |
crush me
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sushininja
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2004 29 February :: 3.54am
:: Mood: utterly depressed...
*sigh*
I just hate having nice dreams...you know why? Because they end...they end when I come back to reality...when I realize those nice dreams are the exact opposite of what my life is...
Such as dreams where people don't make fun of the music I listen to...saying that it sucks and it wasn't worth the money I spent...does it ever occur to anyone that I like this music and it makes me somewhat happy to listen to it? And with all of you downgrading it, how can it any longer do that for me...I'm perfectly fine with you not liking my music, but for you to go as far as saying it sucks isn't need...and it hurts...and I hear it too much...
I have nice dreams where my childhood didn't suck, and I wasn't alone for the first 13 years of my life...wouldn' that have been nice?
I have nice dreams of...Carmen...but...
Quote of the day:
"Leave your underpants with someone you can trust"
crush me
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emilydawest
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2004 28 February :: 9.57pm
perhaps a vanishing act
could supplement this
feeling of regret
crush me
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