sushininja
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::
2004 28 February :: 1.08am
:: Mood: tired...worried...angry...
Well...today was alright...I hung out with Coomes, did the Opera, and hung out with Carmen...and for some reason...I'm going to leave it at that...don't feel like updating much...
1 heartless bastard |
crush me
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sushininja
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::
2004 26 February :: 11.39pm
:: Mood: tired...
I've had a particularily busy week, with school, then work, then the opera...it has been going fine, aside from the complications...and the fact that Carmen isn't "working" on it anymore...*sigh* makes me sad...
The other day, Sara came in and visited me at the library...she was having some problems, so I hope I had helped her out a little, at least in feeling better...thanks for visiting me Sara!
Brittany has actually been scratching my back more...so much for weening me off of it, eh Britt?
No qoute, sorry...tired...more to come...sometime...
2 heartless bastards |
crush me
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emilydawest
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::
2004 25 February :: 9.53pm
i am adding a story to my other journal soon so you better be checking it out, yah that's what i thought.
crush me
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emilydawest
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::
2004 25 February :: 9.47pm
first it was a gash then it was a scar
but it was actually a bruise and now it is nothing but a memory
crush me
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sushininja
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::
2004 24 February :: 10.51pm
:: Mood: tired...
:: Music: Iced Earth
It's been awhile...
Sunday, I hung out with Coomes a bit before my concert...the concert made me so glad...I've been down, pretty much due to this whole band deal (although there were a few other contributing factors)...that night's concert cheered me right up...and I came away with a possible new friend...Carmen came up with my parents...Britt and her mom came...Coomes came with either his dad or mom...it is nice having friends venture up for you...thanks to you all...
Monday was a tiresome day...Carmen and I were up a bit late ont he phone...I hung out with her for awhile before she went to rehersal...she isn't liking that too well...but yeah...I went to work...after work, I went to the opera to work...it went okay...got home kind of late...had to go get grapes when I got home...
Today wasn't as tiresome...we both fell asleep...early...on eachother...but yeah...bought two packzis before school today, and ate them...the french lunch was a good thing...got me full...after school, I hung around with Carmen before rehersal, and then went to work...after work, to the opera...it went well tonight, got done much quicker...
Quote of the day:
"Think it was September, the year I went away,
For there were many things I didn't know.
And I still see him standing, try'n' to be a man;
I said, "Someday you'll understand."
Well, I'm here to tell you now each and ev'ry mother's son
You better learn it fast; you better learn it young,
'Cause, Someday Never Comes."
2 heartless bastards |
crush me
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emilydawest
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::
2004 22 February :: 8.46pm
certainly: of dreams we are made and of that undone
but redemption is always here. But we must chose to accept it, repent, and we will be redeemed.
crush me
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sushininja
|
::
2004 22 February :: 2.28am
:: Mood: take a wild fucking guess...
:: Music: Silence
*Sigh*
Today sucked, let us put it that way...
This band, which is something that I have been looking forward to ever sinec I auditioned has been a serious let down...I was expecting something great and fantastic, but all I get is a load of shit...sure it may sound fine, but teh attitued is lacking...I had a 7 hour rehersal today, something I enjoyed at Wooster or at Blue Lake, where I didn't check the clock every 5 minutes...but today, I wished for it to be over so badly...it depressed me rather much...
I came home, to sit on the computer and play GCN...a very lonely activity...However, I did stop over at Coomes' for a tad...
Carmen came over...I have no idea what was wrong with me at that point in time, but whatever it was, it caused me to snap at Carmen...it was about the Rocky Horror Picture Show...but hell, why did I have to snap at her? There was no reason for it, and it is nobody's fault but mine...
Am I ruining whatever relationship I have with her by doing this? I'd have to believe that she can only put up with so much...before she just can't stand my constant apologies (due to my intense feelings of guilt) and my mood swings...
And even when I do think this, I know that what ever I'm thinking isn't what is happening...she is my friend, and she's helped me thus far...I know she won't get fed up...our relationship won't be ruined because of that...becuase she is such a great friend, and she cares about me...A lot...And I care about her so much...and it hurts me when I think these thoughts, that she could be like that...and I have a feeling that this doesn't make her jolly either...but this is what is on my mind...
But in that case, why do I think these thoughts? Do I like to feel down and depressed? I get that way as a direct result of these thoughts...Carmen has been there always for me when I've felt this way...
I do have more friends than Carmen...Brittany, Sara, Brendan, and others...they care too...
I like the way it feels when someone shows affection towards me or cares for me...Do I just get depressed and then whine about it to get them to care about me? I do know that they care about when I am happy, and when I am sad...and I am never really alone, I always have a phone to call...or a Carmen to hug...
I ended today by watching Seven (or "Se7en"), a truly great movie...I hope Carmen is having a good time...
Quote of the day:
"Just got home from illinois, lock the front door, oh boy!
Got to sit down, take a rest on the porch.
Imagination sets in, pretty soon I’m singin’,
Doo, doo, doo, lookin’ out my back door.
There’s a giant doing cartwheels, a statue wearin’ high heels.
Look at all the happy creatures dancing on the lawn.
A dinosaur victrola list’ning to buck owens.
2 heartless bastards |
crush me
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emilydawest
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::
2004 18 February :: 11.45pm
:: Mood: blithering
what a fabulous day
I must say journal entries are the best. you know why? Because i can look back at the whole day and reflect on it in a sleepy kind of anything goes way.
Well first of all i woke up at 6:25. Which is quite early for me when on the days that my dad drives (or i do) i wake up at 7... yah, i just can't seem to get myself out of bed at an early hour anymore. Lack of motivation i guess you could say, or lack of anything in particular.
Got on the bus with my brother and i fell asleep about 10 mins into the 30 minute drive, i was going to listen to my Musik but i didn't feel like taking my hat off to put my headphones on...so i slept, not a bad alternative i would say.
Got to school at 7:25, shuffled through the first floor hall, past the main office and the glaring eyes of Principal Dever and the twitchy squirrel eyes of Vice Tasche. To my surprise they didn't scowl at me for my hat on in the school building. That was a nice change.
Got to my locker after i climbed the nice flight of doubled stairs. Put away my bag and my gloves (left on my hat) grabbed my folder for math and english (and my Their Eyes Were Watching God book) and trotted on to class. I thought that maybe for once Mr. Brown would be there early. Well i was wrong wrong wrong. Left my stuff on a shelf outside his room and decided to walk around the school for a while since the bell for class to start doesn't ring until 7:50.
Couldn't find anything to do so I talked to Trish and her lil friends for awhile, then moseyed on to my locker again for a pen (which i forgot on the first trip to my locker) Acted like i was doing something important and then walked back down to the algebra room. No Brown again. Luckily this time my friend Lorelei is there so we talk about how Mr. Brown should get there before his students once in awhile.
The teacher next door unlocks the door, i go put my stuff on the last desk in the second row from the door and leave to buy my "breakfast" which is just a half pint carton of orange juice, which usually lasts me the entire school day. (Unless of course someone talks me into buying lunch, which doesn't happen that often)
I walk back to class and notice that Vice is standing by the entrance doors getting the names of people who are late comers. Just about everyone mumbles their name and the Squirrel twitters and yells for them to speak up, and no one ever does. The Squirrel only stands there for about the first 5 mins so if you don't want her hassling you just get to school by 8 and if your teacher is in the later comer category (like Mr. Brown) there is no way you will ever be marked tardy.
Brown walks in with his usual smile and walks to his desk with his armloads of bags. I look to Lorelei and she says "I wonder if today he will be in BS mode or Nazi mode?" Usually you can't tell how he is going to act until he begins class, and he has about ten more minutes until he does that. So i whip out some english homework and began scribbling away, as does LL.
Brown begins to write viciously on the board and LL looks at me and says "Nazi mode" He begins passing out papers (it is 8:10 now) and the infamous Sam Donnelson walks in late. Brown smiles and hands her her paper. No surprise, no surprise at all since she is one of the 5 cheerleaders that sit in the front desks of the room giggling and smiling at the teacher constantly.
LL and I begin to work on our homework together. (in this class any work can be worked on in groups even, quizzes unless specified by Brown himself) The homework is done and me and LL spend the rest of the class talking until the bell rings. To my surprise it rings ten minutes early...then someone says that is because there are shortened periods due to the "Sign Up" day.
I get to english and sit in the last seat in the 2nd row from the teachers desk. My desk is actually right next to Mrs. Dever's (yes this is the wife of Principal) Mrs. is very cool, mostly because i had her for Creative Writing and to say the least i was one of her favorite students...hehe. (now i take my hat off quickly because she has reminded me a few times to take it off before) She begins to talk about the scheduling (this is scheduling for next year) she passed out senior class signup sheets, and transcripts. She lays my transcript face down and i ignore it. I don't like looking at it because i have 2 C's festering on it from Alg 1 and Geometry, otherwise i have a clean A and B sweep.
I give in and look at it. I decipher the mess of official jargon and see that i technically need a .5 credit in US gov to complete my sr year. But as i know i have to complete at least twenty-one and as of now i only have 17 which means i have to take four classes (that meet the requirements for graduation) as a sr. Interesting. I already decided awhile ago i was taking AP English as well as Int. Art, German 2, Chemistry and Alg II/Trig. That means i have a possible 3 open slots for other classes, either those being PSEOP (post secondary option) at BGSU or perhaps the marketing co-op where you work during your free periods at a local business and earn credits. I am against the marketing but am for the pseop, but as of now my gpa isn't high enough to enroll for bgsu. So my options are very limited meaning most likely i will schedule in another science and a reading class...
Mrs. Dever begins walking around the room to check for thesis statements for the Their Eyes Were Watching God essay. By the time she is almost to me the bell rings and now we are supposed to head to the cafeteria for an informational meeting with all the other to-be seniors. Before i walk out she says i can give her my thesis and i can come get it later after she approves it.
I stumbled out of class, head to my locker and drop off the things i don't need and head to the cafe. I look for someone i know and start to walk that way when a group of jerks takes the seat i was going to have. Luckily the person (yes it was sharon) gets up and moves with me to find an open seat. I end up sitting by many of "my own kind" on the right side of the cafeteria while the jerks populate the left.
The guidance counselor for my grade starts talking in her I-am-smart-you-are-stupid-so-listen-to-me-because-I-am-all-knowing voice. Sharon and I talk about how we wish she would maybe start coughing and we could sneak away without her noticing. She turns on the over head and displayed is the same thing i have seen every previous year. The amount of required credits in bold, and the 4.0 system displayed. By this time i can't believe i will be stuck in this suffocation chamber for more than an hour (9:04-10:08)
blah blah blah.
we are finally dismissed to third period, I have my hat on now and hike up to the second floor for AM. history with the burley Mr. Cullen. My friend Autumn has said before (and i do have to say i agree) he reminds her of a big Amish teddy bear. Whether a teddy bear can be Amish i don't know, but the plain shirts, suspenders, bearded face, bifocals and protruding belly do put off that kind of Amish appeal. However he is really short of that since he is the coach for the varsity football team.
LL sits in the back with me in this class as well which is nice because we help each other out alot. The class is now geared into the beginning of WWII and the rise of fascism, Benito, Adolph, Joseph, and the little island of Japan. fun fun fun. I don't take notes but try to fill out the study guide he gave us, which is fairly easy since it follows the notes he has projected up on the white screen.
ding ding ding.
I am on to German now, which shouldn't be so bad since it is only half an hour. I trudge in and sit in the front row, which is like wow for me. I pay attention while the new student teacher begins to talk about the capitals of neighboring countries of Deutschland. Marcel (german exchange student) says something really funny, but now that i think about it i can't remember what it was. Class goes on, bell rings at 11:22 and i am off to studyhall. oh joy.
I sign the pass so i can be in the library instead of the gym where Mr. Winkle watches everyone like an eagle. At least in the library Mrs. Risch likes me and doesn't care when or how many times i leave the library because she knows i am coming back, plus I am one of the regulars in the library.
Well i eat lunch A which means i can't go into the library just yet, i have to go to lunch. well i don't know anyone at lunch so i head upstairs to my locker and remember that Heather is usually sitting up at a study table during the lunch period (because she doesn't like to go into the cafeteria) so i go and talk to her and she says she is hungry so i go to lunch. And how can i resist eating when it is chicken nuggets and mashed potatoes??? We find a table in the cafe next to the most annoying girl on the planet that keeps talking about everyone that walks past and it makes me wonder that if there was a cardboard wall between me and her if she would start talking about me because she didn't think i could hear her because i wasn't looking at her. And then i wonder if she has a shirt that actually fits her or at least covers up body parts that shouldn't be hanging out the way they are.
Heather whispers to me that maybe (un named annoying girl) would stop talking trash if she knew how much people talked badly about her. I said probably not, and that was that.
To the library i went after the ringing of the bell for lunch B. I went to my computer and began to work on my english essay again. (i got my thesis from Dever before i went to lunch). The paper seems to be going nowhere at this point so i run to my locker to get my sketchbook for art so i can finish an assignment before 6th period rolls along. Soon enough i am out of SH and am heading to art...wow.
I get there early (as usual) sit at my seat (which i hate) and wait for Mrs. Laabs to give instructions. First of all i hate my seat because i sit with all freshman, secondly, because the kid next to me loves to hit on me which makes me gag, and wants cry at the same time. Usually i end up walking around the room acting like i am doing something so i don't have to be with the froshes. Today however the ringleader of the freshman walks in and doesn't say a word. He sits down sullenly and says nothing. This is quite odd considering that i have never seen this kid not talking. He is actually quite funny, no, more like hilarious but sometimes it is good to be silent. But this silence is bad. People try to talk to him and he simply pushes them away. I want to say something but i have never personally talked to him before so i go about my business.
Class ends and i feel terrible because i neglected my chance to be a caring person...i am now in a schulmpy mood and sag onto studyhall again.
this SH i have with Sharon so it isn't all that bad. She usually surfs the internet while i attempt to do my homework. I wish i could get Shar to do some homework because right now she has all incompletes on her transcript because she missed so much school first semester and didn't take the exams in any of her classes. I hassle her but she waves me off. ugh. Sharon asks the librarian to use the phone. She calls her mom and comes back to me and says that she is getting picked up at 2 twenty and would i want a ride? I would say yes, but i turn her down because i don't feel that i should take advantage of her mom like that. She isn't a free taxi. I do however walk out to where her mom is parked and say hi to Mrs. Simon and goodbye to Ms. Simon.
I walk back into the school not knowing what to do now that i have five minutes left until the bell rings. I decide to walk to my locker and get there before the mad dash of juniors is there. I grab my gloves and my bag, plop in my english stuff and begin to walk to where the bus will be. The bell rings and...it's a stampede!!!
I get outside early and Zach isn't out there. Oh great. Means i will have to stand by myself, with this stupid ash tree being my only company until the bus arrives. After ten minutes the bus gets there so i blow a kiss to my lovely Ash and get in line for the bus.
I sit in the seat diagonal to my brother (who is in 7th grade) and in front of his friend JR (who is in 8th grade) as soon as i sit down my brother is grabbing at my bag and rips out my 12th grade registration forms. JR is looking at them too and now i am being interrogated by jr. highers. The questions go on and on and on until 30 minutes later i am walking down my driveway with my brother Jake and am finally free!!! (well at least free from school)
Mom is home today which means i don't have to unlock the house. I go in, shake off my shoes put my bag on the chair by my desk and plop onto my bed. I grab for my hat and rip it off, and drop it onto a pile of hoodies by my west window.
Sometime along here I get online, around 4 or a little after. I talk to Xach (the one and only) and talk for a tiny bit. Xach has a hay job to do and then a soccer game and then work again so i walk off to my room, take a quick shower then read Not Even A hint for awhile then doze off for quite sometime (which is probably why i am not tired now) When i wake up it is almost supper time but i am hungry now so i go to see if there is any snack food in the kitchen. I find a new bag of potato chips (i usually don't eat chips) but it is a new bag and i never get to open them so i rip it open and eat two.
Just about five minutes later while i am in my room i hear mom yelling "who opened the chips!" i begin to cringe in terror.... what did i do now?????
"I guess we can't go to church tonight because we don't have any food to take.." Great i think, just great, it is my fault again. I say "how about duct taping the bag shut" she just gives me an evil glare and continues cooking supper. Dad is home now and laughs a little at how mom is mad because i opened the wrong bag of chips.. haha, my dad has humor...
I eat supper and get back online later to find Xach again. We talk a little bit about the weekend and other certain things that are going to be coming up. I feel a bit confused at first because he said he isn't sure if he can come on Friday because of things going on at home. I felt really upset...but i was being selfish, and i wasn't thinking about his family, but now i am okay with it, and if he can't come there is always another weekend when he will be able to.
Xach makes me get off so i can finish reading Their Eyes Were Watching God...I did read some of it. About 8 pages, which means i only have 10 more to go...but i also began to fill out my ACT registration forms (which by the way takes a bit of time). And now i am here, and have been here since 10 o'clock.
Wow, an hour and a half later i have written about my whole day. fun stuff i must say. fun fun stuff, and there is always tomorrow, eh?
crush me
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sushininja
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::
2004 18 February :: 10.32pm
:: Music: Iced Earth
Well, today was alright...woke up a bit late...oh well...I believe I fell asleep on Carmen last night...I'm not sure...I better not have...classes were shortened today...registration stuff...yeah...
I had band rehersal today...drove up there with Ardy...music kind of sucked...I was let down...I was really looking for it to be like Wooster is for me...but it wasn't...not at all...it made me sad...I wanted to cry...I've been looking forward to this for quite awhile now, and, well, I wasted my time...good thing Carmen called me soon after rehersal ended, cheered me up quite a bit...especially when it came right out of the blue...it's nice when friends do that...I wish I could have talked with her longer, but Ardy was there...
I'm hopefully going to go to the movies with her this weekend...my concert is at 7:30 in Stranahan theater up in Toledo...on Sunday
Quote of the day:
"People are strange when you're a stranger
Faces look ugly when you're alone
Women seem wicked when you're unwanted
Streets are uneven when you're down
When you're strange
Faces come out of the rain
When you're strange
No one remembers your name"
crush me
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emilydawest
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::
2004 18 February :: 8.14pm
maybe if i cry
than it will all go away
fade away
and i can be happy again
but am i happy now?
probably
i think so
i doubt it
but oh well.
crush me
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emilydawest
|
::
2004 18 February :: 7.37pm
:: Mood: curious
why is certainty so uncertain? especially when the time is crucial for compliance and absolution? how about investing in such a travesty for the sake of nothing?
ha.
yes, exactly.
crush me
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sushininja
|
::
2004 17 February :: 10.03pm
:: Mood: chipper...tired...full...
Well, back to school for today...I stayed awake, but was very tired...I fell asleep in AS and missed a line in the Crucible...there was no Carmen today, and there was no Britt for the first half...or I only saw her in the beginning of 5th, so I dunno...
After school, I went and visited Carmen...she has been sick, and I felt that she needed some company...I know that when I'm sick, I get lonely and bored...I've not really been sick this year yet, but I wish I would get sick soon...I want to miss some school...hehe, I'm such a dork...but yeah, I visited Carmen yesterday too, but she slept through my visit...it didn't bother me, I just wanted to be there for her if she wanted to talk to someone...her dad is an interesting fellow though, nice to talk to...
Work was alright, gonna miss it tomorrow, I fear that I will get behind again...oh well...since our over is broken, we went to Jed's tonight for dinner...I had a burger, it was alright...I came home, got my Nomad set up, and went to visit Carmen some more...
She seemed a lot better, but still no 100%...hopefully she'll be in school tomorrow...I miss her muchly when she isn't at school...but at least I can still visit her when she is ill...
Quote of the day:
"Can't hear it
we fear it
awareness won't come near it"
1 heartless bastard |
crush me
|
emilydawest
|
::
2004 17 February :: 8.43pm
a few things i wrote in my Their Eyes Were Watching God book because i am always bored in English
drifting from one thought-- lost in the wind and floating for an ever after and beyond.
..and the staircase to Heaven is an eternity of steps. Only can you reach the last step when you grasp His hand and let Him lead you onward.
crush me
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emilydawest
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::
2004 17 February :: 5.46pm
live and let live
crush me
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emilydawest
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::
2004 16 February :: 3.10pm
For once among many times the heart is left behind, perhaps beating with another, and will not return to its former bosom without the one it was visiting.
crush me
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sushininja
|
::
2004 16 February :: 11.51am
:: Mood: Tired, happy...
:: Music: Iced Earth
Wow...Saturday night was the most fun ever!
It started off with work at 9, then picking up money and the corsage...I went home, played some GB and then Coomes came over...we messed around with CC, and then went to Carmen's for pictures...after pictures, we went to Uraku for a ton of sushi...5 of us had two sushi boats...it cost $250 for the 10 of us, but it was alright, the food was good and filling...
Then onto the dance...greatest time ever...I danced with Carmen the whole night, fast and slow...it is just fun to interact and mess around...although I do like slow dancing...especially with her...just being with her was great...and I saw all of the girls, Amanda, Sara, Stevie, Britt...got a lot of pictures taken...it was good...great time...too short though...and no Time Warp...although my time after the dance wasn't the greatest, it couldn't take away from how fun the dance was...
I got home on Sunday around 3:30...played some CC, GB, and then went to Kobacker with Carmen...worked on the Opera till 11:30...I went to St. Toms at 7 oclock...then came back to the load in...it was a good time, except for the fact of me working alone again...
After the load-in, we went to Wendy's to get me my meal for the day...then we picked up my sister and Sarah...took Sarah home, then took Laura to Amy's...took Carmen to Chris' for a minute, and then we went and watched the Dark Crystal...well, she did, I couldn't stay awake...I came home at 2:30, and promptly fell asleep...as always, on the phone with Carmen...
Quote of the day:
"The light of day is flowing into her virgin eyes"
1 heartless bastard |
crush me
|
emilydawest
|
::
2004 15 February :: 9.41pm
Yet again i find myself not writing in my journal for quite sometime. I'm not sure what it is, i am just on a schlump right now...yah, that's it. + right now i am very tired, and very tired leads to emily feeling drowsy and just wanting to curl up under my blankets and sleeping for a long long long time.
which at this moment doesn't sound too bad since BG doesn't have school because of President's day. I am so thankful for this extra day off because it seems that ever since friday i have been a busy body...yes, totally. At least i got to spend a little time with Xach :) that made the all of the chaos subside for a little while. Now i have this up coming weekend to look forward to. :):):):)
g'night all.
crush me
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sushininja
|
::
2004 14 February :: 8.47am
:: Mood: chipper, tired...
Today is Coming Home!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!! Dancing with Carmen again will be great...I can't wait the 11 hours that there are...I'm so excited hun...*hug*...
Past two days have been good...the four of us hung out on Thursday, at the Basketball game...then I went to get gas with Carmen, and also went into Kroger...Friday, I had a meath test, which I found rather easy...I got a very nice candy gram from Carmen, made me smile and feel good...I was in the pep rally, and I wore two of Ian's hawaian shirts, half on one side, half on the other...it was an okay pep rally...the pep band is interesting when you're not in it...
After school I went to Coomes' and played FF:CC with him, Joshie, and Falex...it was a good time until we got stuck in a dungeon...couldn't figure out what to do...
I went home, got dressed, picked Carmen and her brother up and went to the game...before the Varsity game, I was announced and escorted by Britt...It felt good to get more of a recognition than most all the others, except for King Rada...pep band was fun...after that, the four of us got together and did our nails...it was fun!
I was dumb last night, and got angry (more at myself than anyone else) because of something little Carmen said...*sigh*...I really shouldn't have reacted that way...
My new Nomad has been shipped and will be here Tuesday!!!
Quote of the day:
"Walked down by the bathing pond
to try and catch some sun.
Saw at least a hundred schoolgirls sobbing
into hankerchiefs as one.
I don't believe they knew
I was a schoolboy"
11 heartless bastards |
crush me
|
sushininja
|
::
2004 11 February :: 10.35pm
:: Mood: less meh...
:: Music: They'll need a Crane
Hmm...A good day for Doug? I dunno, wait and see...
Last night I ran out of time before I got to mention the hijinks that were stormed up by Doug^2, Carmen, and Esther...man o' man do we have good times together...plenty of memories...it's great...sometimes it leaves me feeling sad...they're all the same age, while I'm both a year and a grade younger...and also, we all know what happens to Seniors in June...*sigh*...
Anyways, we were fooling around trying to find out what we should wear for watersport day, in regards to our pirate outfits...we went on many adventures, one to Ben's, on to Carmen's basement, another to her kitchen, and yet another to Kroger...hehe...
Today, I did dress up as a pirate...truly the first spirit day I've taken place in...it was quite fun...and my feet smelled worse than the hockey players by the end of the time...anyways, I'm falling behind in AS, but that is expected...I just got a new game, and just found GunBound also...and I know Carmen will haul my daughter to the slaughter for that too...actually, me, and she'll skin me too...tan my hide...but seriously...
I'm almost caught up in work...joy!..after work, I went to visit Carmen at work, which was fun...after that, she came over and had some dinner...with me, of course...and then I partook in some quality Carmen time, which I needed...
I hate kids...especially male twin brats with ADD...
FF:CC pwns you all...
Quote of the day:
"Some things gal says to lad
Aren't meant as bad
But cause a little pain
They cause himpain"
1 heartless bastard |
crush me
|
emilydawest
|
::
2004 11 February :: 10.00pm
:: Mood: almost whipped
I'm not sure why i even try to negotiate anymore with certain people. It is their way or no way. It's not like i will ever have this opportunity again until i am out of college and on my own, but by then i will most likely get married and children will be on the way and who has time for anything when you are a mother? Kids go off to school to sit in the classroom like well trained zombies, the parents go to work and stress themselves out day after day so the children can have better lifes and go to school and be bored. Then the children go to college so they can get a job so they can get married so they can have children so they can go to school and be bored.
and so on and so forth, everafter and beyond. blah blah blah blah.
I do not want my life to be like that no way. I want to have a family (at least i think so) but i don't want it to be some habitual neverending cycle of boredom. gag. I might as well just die now if that is what it is going to be like for the rest of my breathing days. Some people just don't want there progeny to experience something that perhaps they will never get to. Or maybe it is that they don't want this person to escape from the rituals of daily life. If i knew then i guess i wouldn't be so flummoxed over this.
ugh, retired.
crush me
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