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Aaron
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::
2005 7 October :: 3.17pm
:: Mood: the same as last time I did this...
:: Music: something old...really old
for old times sake...
Your personality is best represented by the
traditional Japanese Katana. You are brave
beyond words and rarely (if ever) act for your
own personal gain. Your honor is very
important to you, and you strive to better
yourself and help others. You try not to let
emotions get in the way of making a sound
decision, and are usually quite successful.
What sort of Weapon best Represents your Personality? (anime pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla
dude, haven't done that in a while...
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Aaron
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::
2005 7 October :: 11.35am
counting...counting...counting......................................
Got it! 727! wow...that's a big number...especially considering what I'm thinking of.
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Aaron
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::
2005 4 October :: 10.43pm
color
no, i'm not color blind, and no I'm not gay either...I just had to match my journal to the cool rose I found, okay? jesus, give the kid on Hydrocodone a break already!
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aaron
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::
2005 21 September :: 9.48pm
This is Eric, Paul's best conspirererer partner. We are currently right now, on the phone, and we had a little conversation with kaylee van gelder, the prissiest little gullible little annoying preppy "fun-hating" little "person" ever.
We give proof for this, see below. This is a conversation, thawt I had with Kaylee, with Paul prompting me on the phone.
______________
Eric Mak says:
I'VE DONE IT!
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
what did you do?
Eric Mak says:
NOT ONLY AM I THE LEAD SINGER OF A KICK ASS BAND, BUT I HAVE MASTERED THE ART OF HARDCORE SCREAMING!
Eric Mak says:
AUIGGHJJHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
awesome!
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
lead singer?
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
that is so awesome
Eric Mak says:
lead.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
eric
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
good job!
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
LEAD!
Eric Mak says:
lead.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
wow
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
yeah!
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
yaya
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
yay
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
lol
Eric Mak says:
I CAN SCREAM.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
what is ur bands name
Eric Mak says:
REALLY GOOD.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
I know u can scream
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
lol
Eric Mak says:
NO
Eric Mak says:
NO
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
what is ur bands name?
Eric Mak says:
I WASN'T ABLE TO
Eric Mak says:
I MEAN
Eric Mak says:
LIKE
Eric Mak says:
REALLY REALLY HARD.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
that is awesmoe
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
I will have to hear u scream one of these days
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
when ur band tours in Spokane
Eric Mak says:
oh yeah, Paul made a bomb threat to Freeman, and he's in juvey now.
Eric Mak says:
isn't that awesome????
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
NO way
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
ru seroius?
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
I am glad u called him tho
Eric Mak says:
yes.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
i remeber talking about that
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
are u serious tho?
Eric Mak says:
yeah, I talked to his mom.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
was he serious about the threat?
Eric Mak says:
today.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
woah
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
was he serous tho?
Eric Mak says:
he had a bomb.
Eric Mak says:
in his backpack.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
what!?!?!?
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
are u lying
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
plz tell me the truth
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
cuz u know i can be gullible
Eric Mak says:
I'm not lieing!
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
wow
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
that is scary
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
so he is in juvi?
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
for how long?
Eric Mak says:
I'm so proud of him, my little boy's all grown up!
Eric Mak says:
3 months.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
eric that is not something to be proud of
Eric Mak says:
oh, but I am.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
that is dangerous and he coud have harmed or killed someone
Eric Mak says:
I'nm
Eric Mak says:
the one
Eric Mak says:
that
Eric Mak says:
told him to do it.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
if he killed someone would u be proud?
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
well u should feel horrible
Eric Mak says:
Well...it was funny.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
no eric its not funny
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
he took what u said serously and it could have ended up hurting sumone
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
I personally dont think that is funny
Eric Mak says:
Dude, he totally freaked the whole school out, and caused it to pause for 3 1/2 hours.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
who cares eric...get over it! so what school stopped for like a few hours...he coud have killed someone
Eric Mak says:
You know what's really funny? The cops had to taser him down, and send a canine unit on him.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
whatever
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
I dont belive that
Eric Mak says:
Ok...right.
Eric Mak says:
Seriosuly.
Eric Mak says:
I talked
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
canine unit
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
sure
Eric Mak says:
to his mom just today.
Eric Mak says:
Ok,
Eric Mak says:
that'w what they do when the suspect is armed, and running away.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
ok well whatever...I just dont think u should be laughint that one of ur bf's made a bomthreat..and u told him to make it..
Eric Mak says:
whatever Kaylee, don't take it so seriosuly, it's not like anyone got hurt, just the school was in the potential of getting hurt. Danger is what makes everytthing fun.
Eric Mak says:
No one got hurt, so it doesn't really matter.
Eric Mak says:
The fact that he did it is hilarious.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
yes eric it does...ok they got lucky nobody got hurt..someone could have and now one of ur bff's is in JUVI! Juvi eric...he is in jail practically because he listened to you! do u even care that he is in Juvi? huh?
Eric Mak says:
I'm planning to visit him next week, he called me and told me it was totally worth it. Seriosuly, Kaylee, it's just juvie. No big deal.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
I cant belive that you are saying that eric
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
ur so inmature
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
"No big deal someone just bought a bomb to school"
Eric Mak says:
whatever Kaylee, at least he had the balls to do it!
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
so eric...if that bomb went off and killed someone...would u be saying that "at least he had the balls to do it!"
Eric Mak says:
That is a different story, Kaylee, no one got hurt, and that's all that matters. QUit being so immature.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
and u say...oh I am planning to see him next week...are u really eric?
Eric Mak says:
well...
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
or ru just saying that
Eric Mak says:
the Oct. 7th weekend, if I have time. I'm goign to be hanging with other friends while I'm in Spokane.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
ok then
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
but eric ur friends in Juvi
Eric Mak says:
it's only 3 months, that's nothing. It'll hardly go on his record.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
whatever
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
I really dont want to have this conversation anymore...its making me mad and upset
Eric Mak says:
you know, he got sentenced to also quit public school, and seek a boarding school, which Valley Christian is considered.
Eric Mak says:
so
Eric Mak says:
he might go back to VCS.
Eric Mak says:
Kaylee, you just don't understand fun.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
whatever eric...my kind of fun doesnt include possibly killing someone
Eric Mak says:
who cares? Serisouly, we're just kids, and making the most out of our childhood.
Eric Mak says:
the killing, yes
Eric Mak says:
it's dangerousm,
Eric Mak says:
so
Eric Mak says:
but
Eric Mak says:
it
Eric Mak says:
didnt' happen, so we don't need to talk about it, damnit!
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
whatever
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
I am leaving now
Eric Mak says:
ok, be a immature fun hating person and run away.
Eric Mak says:
I only say person, because it's rude to say what I had in mind.
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
fine
(boys stop) Its about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT! says:
bye
Eric Mak says:
bye bye...person.
Eric Mak says:
kaylee, seriosuly.
Eric Mak says:
have some fun, for once, and forget that peopel cou;d've
Eric Mak says:
been killed
Eric Mak says:
when they
Eric Mak says:
didn't.
Eric Mak says:
because
Eric Mak says:
if they didnt',
Eric Mak says:
it doesn't matter.
_________
The End.
Death to all fun-haters!
~Eric and (on the phone) Paul.
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shalee
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::
2005 4 June :: 8.30am
"Things don't come full circle, they spiral."
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aaron
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::
2005 25 May :: 9.22pm
:: Mood: doubtful
:: Music: Epiphany, Staind
I don't think I can do this...I really don't. I'm too damn weak. Greg's turning into a man though. He stood up to me today. I'm proud of him. But then again, why would he think I'd want someone like Kendra? sure she's nice, but she is a little dull. Though I feel for her. She's been through so much shit It's unbelievable how depressed she is. SHe's totally apathetic...Just like me.
"gray would be the color, if I had a heart..."
"I thought you were the one, I thought you were perfect for me, But you're infected, just like them.
I wanna kill it,
I wanna burn it all,
I wanna skin it,
I wanna watch it all fall
You can stop respecting because I the infection that'll tear down these walls from the inside out.
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Aaron
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::
2005 9 May :: 10.39pm
:: Music: Terrible lie, NIN
Someone
why are you doing this to me?
am i not living up to what i'm supposed to be?
why am i seething with this animosity?
hey God, i think you owe me a great big apology
terrible lie
terrible lie
terrible lie
terrible lie
i really don't know what you mean
seems like salvation comes only in our dreams
i feel my hatred grow all the more extreme
hey God, can this world really be as sad as it fucking seems
terrible lie
terrible lie
terrible lie
terrible lie
don't tear it away from me
i need you to hold on to
don't tear it away from me
i need someone to hold on to
don't tear it away from me
i need you to hold on to
please don't tear it away from me
i need someone to hold on to
don't tear it away from me
i need you to hold on to
don't tear it away from me
i need someone to hold
on to me
hold on to me
don't tear it
please don't tear it
please don't take it
don't take it
don't
there's nothing left for me to hide
i lost my ignorance, security and pride
i'm all alone in this fucking world you must despise
hey God, i believed your promises, your promises and lies
terrible lie
terrible lie
terrible lie
terrible lie
(terrible lie)
you made me throw it all away
my morals left to decay (terrible lie)
how many you betray
you've taken everything (terrible lie)
my head is filled with disease
my skin is begging you please (terrible lie)
i'm on my hands and knees
i want so much to believe
i want so much to believe
you fucking promised me
you promised
you promised me
yes you did
you promised me
you fucking promised me
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aaron
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::
2005 7 May :: 9.07pm
:: Music: Wish, NIN
Charred epiphany
"Stop whining and feeling sorry for yourself!!!" He smacked me. I began to cry...not because I was scared...not because it hurt...because I had another epiphany...This life...my life...Is no more than a scar on the face of the earth. Why not erase it?
"Then I come to find, everything's OK. I've seen this all before, and that was yesterday..."
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shalee
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::
2005 15 April :: 9.13pm
:: Mood: anxious
Please say something.
Time is going by so slow and I think I might shatter.
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aaron
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::
2005 19 March :: 9.34am
:: Mood: working
:: Music: The perfect drug, NIN
Taking a break from my topical study... It sucks. But I only need one more paragraph.
Bought an Icon e yesterday...I'm going to take my brother out with the school club. He's going to use my old tippman '98 custom. He's really stoked. If he likes paintballing, I'll let him buy my gun. Anyway...this should be fun. I got to get back to work now...ttyl.
i got my head, but my head is unraveling
can't keep control, can't keep track of where it's traveling
i got my heart but my heart is no good
and you're the only one that's understood
i come along but i don't know where you're taking me
i shouldn't go but you're reaching back and shaking me
turn off the sun, pull the stars from the sky
the more i give to you, the more i die
and i want you
and i want you
and i want you
and i want you
you are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
you are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
you make me hard, when i'm all soft inside
i see the truth, when i'm all stupid eyed
the arrow goes straight through my heart
without you everything just falls apart
my blood wants to say hello to you
my feelings want to get inside of you
my soul is so afraid to realize
every little word is a lack of me (argued to be "'how very little there is left of me")
and i want you
and i want you
and i want you
and i want you
you are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
you are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
you are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
you are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
you are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
you are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
(whispering)
you are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
you are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
you are the perfect drug, the drug, the perfect drug
take me, with you
take me, with you
take me, with you
take me, with you
(continues in background)
without you, without you everything falls apart
without you, it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces
without you, without you everything falls apart
without you, it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces
it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces
it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces
without you, without you everything falls apart
without you, it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces
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Aaron
|
::
2004 5 December :: 7.02pm
:: Mood: excited
:: Music: The hollow, A Perfect Circle.
ALex G. is coming over for a while. this should be cool. anywho. Now for my new favorite song.
Run desire run
Sexual being
Run him like a blade
To and through the heart
No conscience
One Motive
Cater to the hollow
Screaming feed me here
Fill me up again
Temporarily pacify this hungering
So grow
Libido throw
Dominoes of indiscretions down
Falling all around
In cycles
In circles
Constantly consuming
Conquer and devour
Cause it's time to bring the fire down
Bridle all this indiscretion
Long enough to edify
And permanently fill this hollow
Screaming feed me here
Fill me up again
Temporarily pacifying
Feed me here
Fill me up again
Temporarily pacifying
PS: Tori, call me!!!
48 Comments |
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Aaron
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::
2004 8 November :: 10.46pm
:: Mood: Accomplished
:: Music: Lateralus, tool
I'd be honored if you'd fight along side me...today, now, forever.
YES! HA HA!!! YES, YES, YES!!! THIS IS SO AWESOME!!! She's so close to joining us now...so close to believeing. I can feel it... I can feel it in my blood, my bones, my very soul. This is just evidence that if you believe without any proof, proof will find you. God does keep his promises. But I musn't get cocky, the fight is far from over.
On a more solemn note, I must send my heart out to you, Tori. I have to say I'm proud. Proud of all you've conquered. Of all I know you can and will conquer. I'm deeply, deeply sorry for you uncle. May Lucipher be damned as soon as possible. Until then, I'll give him hell. And I would be honored, as would my father and king, if you would join me.
Forever live Jehova and his children.
Aaron.
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Aaron
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::
2004 4 November :: 11.11pm
:: Mood: Argumentative
:: Music: Lateralus, tool.
Theism or evolutionism?
The question of god? What is there to question? It's a matter of intuition and heart. I hate it when people believe they can scientifically prove a belief of origins. It's impossible. It can't be scientifically proven unless it's observable repeatable or measurable. The origin of life is non of those things. sorry evolutionists. your theory of "if science can't prove it, it isn't true" doesn't work. if that were the case, then there would be no origin in which case we do not exist in which case all this world is in our non-existent heads. So.
I embrace my desire to feel the rythmn, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow. To feel inspired to fathom the power to witness the beauty to bathe in the fountain to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human
Spiral out keep going
spiral out keep going
spiral out keep going
spiral out keep going.
Later.
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Aaron
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::
2004 19 October :: 11.38pm
:: Mood: P-I-S-S-E-D O-F-F
:: Music: Please, NIN
A prison for my mind
It's official now. she hates me. She fucking hates me. Isn't that just peachy? I'm stuck in this god damn prison of a school, I'm restrained by my parents in every way, and what does she do? She turns her back on me. lovely. fucking lovely tori. I really appreciate it. I appreciate the way you call me a stalker. I appreciate the way you ditch me every chance you get. I appreciate the hateful hurtful things you say. Because they all bring me a little closer to breaking that promise I made a year and nine days ago, to myself, to you, to the whole fucking world. a promise to love you for ever. anyway, what's it matter? Because I sure don't. not to you. not to me. not to anyone. good riddance.
In loving memory,
Paul.
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Aaron
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::
2004 13 October :: 4.09pm
:: Music: Parabol, Tool
Chain mail
I was reading this chain mail (they amuse me) and I got to the part where it said Reasons guys like girls, and I started to bawl. Hell, I'm still bawling! Okay, here it is.
WELL here's a few reasons why guys like girls...
1. They will always smell good even if its just shampoo
2. The way their heads always find the right spot on our shoulder
3. How cute they look when they sleep
4. the ease in which they fit into our arms
5. the way they kiss you and all of a sudden everything is right in the world
6. How cute they are when they eat
7. The way they take hours to get dressed but in the end makes it all worth while
8. because they are always warm even when its minus 30 out side
9. the way they look good no matter what they wear
10. the way they fish for compliments even though you both know that you think she's the most beautiful thing on this earth
11. How cute they are when they argue
12. the way her hand always finds yours
13. the way they smile
14. the way you feel when you see their name on the call ID after you just had a big fight
15. The way she says "lets not fight anymore" even though you know that an hour later you will be arguing about something
16. the way they kiss when you do something nice for them
17. The way they kiss you when you say "I love you'
18. Actually ... ! ! ju! ! st the way they kiss you...
19. the way they fall into your arms when they cry
20. then the way they apologize for crying over something that silly
21. The way they hit you and expect it to hurt
22. Then the way they apologize when it does hurt . (even though we don't admit it)!
23. the way they say "I miss you"
24. the way you miss them
25. the way their tears make you want to change the world so that it doesn't hurt her anymore.....Yet regardless if you love them, hate them, wish they would die or know that you would die without them ... it matters not. Because once in your life, whatever they were to the world they become everything to you. When you look them in the eyes, traveling to the depths of their souls and you say a million things without trace of a sound,you know that your own life is inevitable consumed within the rhythmic beatings of her very heart. We love them for a million reasons, No paper would do it justice. It is a thing not of the mind but of the heart.
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Aaron
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::
2004 30 September :: 4.23pm
:: Mood: Euphoric
:: Music: Parabola, Tool
Waking the Dead
I'm reading waking the dead and he just said something that makes perfect sense. The heart is made perfect. It is the mind that is corrupt. logic, science, all of it is corrupt. The heart, that is the source of all that is good and pure in this world.
We barely remember who or what came before this precious moment,
We are choosing to be here right now. hold on, stay inside...
This holy reality, this holy experience. choosing to be here in...
This body. this body holding me. be my reminder here that I am not alone in
This body, this body holding me, feeling eternal all this pain is an illusion.
Alive
This holy reality, in this holy experience. choosing to be here in...
This body. this body holding me. be my reminder here that I am not alone in
This body, this body holding me, feeling eternal all this pain is an illusion...
Of what it means to be alive
Swirling round with this familiar parable.
Spinning, weaving round each new experience.
Recognize this as a holy gift and celebrate this
Chance to be alive and breathing
Chance to be alive and breathing.
This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality.
Embrace this moment. remember. we are eternal.
All this pain is an illusion.
10 Comments |
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Aaron
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::
2004 19 September :: 1.07pm
playing FFII...playing FFII...Went to the fair yesterday and got sick...it sucked. I was with ryan greg james and daniel. Ryan is a bad boy...or wants desperatly to be. Daniel is the sweety paint-baller chic. Greg is well...greg...that's all I have to say about that. And James...well, I won't even go there...BUT HE GETS SLAPPED....alot. Kinda wish juliya and eric and victoriya and some of them were there.especially april and jen. They're fricken cool. and they've seen "they" and "Ecuilibrium", which I so kindly descovered. (well, pat found they, but equilibrium is MINE!!!) thankyou madeline. God...I want to go back to school...this weekend has been damn boring.
7 Comments |
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Aaron
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::
2004 14 September :: 2.02pm
:: Mood: like puking
:: Music: Disorder...Tool.
I'm sick today. I wanted to post a comment in her journal but what good would it do? No one talks to me anymore. even my newest friends think I'm a fuck....god this is hopeless. Madeline...I liked her better when she was COOL! now she's like a clone of mom. it sucks. it sucks so bad and so big it's gotta be...(drumrole)...A WALRUS COCK!!!
6 Comments |
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Aaron
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::
2004 12 September :: 11.33am
:: Mood: torn apart
:: Music: Otherworld FFX
Julia
God I wish she just talk to me... I gave her my phone number...she says she's grounded from the phone...Why don't I believe that? Oh, I forgot, I don't trust people any more...that would do it, wouldn't it?
Why does she think I'm such a goody-goody. She's not. why should I be? Hell, she has fun there...I would rather be elsewhere...like L.C....or would I? There potential for love and serenity there... Why would I be anywhere else?
18 Comments |
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Aaron
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::
2004 12 September :: 11.25am
:: Mood: angered
Tori
She never calls me. never. not once. and she complains that I'm not in her life. Hell, she never responds to my journal... I'M SORRY!!! WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO!!!
3 Comments |
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Aaron
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::
2004 3 September :: 10.23pm
:: Mood: Infuriated
:: Music: The patient, Tool
I know no one is to blame. But how the hell do you explain this? the world is so fucked up. Am I the only one that gets it? How did I jump so far ahead? She's back where i was last january. jesus' shit on a stick, I am about rady to kill something! Stop apologizing to the world!!! your full of this dramatic "Oh I'm horrible because I dumped a couple guys and stepped on a couple friends feet" shit! And then the "your not in my life so you wouldn't know, but just for your information I'm perfectly fine" shit. Shitty shit shit! Your not fine and I know it, I knew then, and I know it know. My intuition has never failed me. Not once. I don't think it'll start to now.
A groan of tedium escapes me,
Startling the fearful.
Is this a test? It has to be,
Otherwise I can't go on.
Draining patience, drain vitality.
This paranoid, paralyzed vampire act's a little old.
But I'm still right here
Giving blood, keeping faith
And I'm still right here.
Wait it out,
Gonna wait it out,
Be patient (wait it out).
If there were no rewards to reap,
No loving embrace to see me through
This tedious path I've chosen here,
I certainly would've walked away by now.
Gonna wait it out.
If there were no desire to heal
The damaged and broken met along
This tedious path I've chosen here
I certainly would've walked away by now.
And I still may ... (sigh) ... I still may.
Be patient.
I must keep reminding myself of this.
And if there were no rewards to reap,
No loving embrace to see me through
This tedious path I've chosen here,
I certainly would've walked away by now.
And I still may.
Gonna wait it out.
27 Comments |
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Aaron
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2004 27 August :: 3.41pm
:: Mood: helpless/weak
:: Music: silence
Patrick
I'm leaving for whidbey...I'll miss him....now he's finally gone. My Angel is gone....
8 Comments |
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Aaron
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2004 27 August :: 11.44am
:: Mood: infuriated
:: Music: piggy NIN
My battle...
I tried. i really did...look, laura, just don't come near me. my past...don't tangle yourself with it. I really liked you...it just wasn't enough. I wasn't enough. I'm not the man I have to be. I'm sorry...I really am...I know i'm horrible and cold. please...stay away from my past. it's just...too much. I have to handle it alone. It's my battle...and it'll either kill me, or make me stronger.
6 Comments |
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Aaron
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2004 23 July :: 3.50am
:: Mood: enfuriated
:: Music: Tool
morals
what is he trying to tell me? this doesn't make sence... it's like john said. You have a dragon to fight. go fight it. is this deep rage suppossed to help me? somebody explain to me how the fuck I'm suppossed to do this. WHAT ARE YOU SAYING TO ME!!! WHAT IS THIS MADNESS!!!!!!!!!!! what am I saying...I'm just and ignorant male...I'm worthless... just whip me...whip me to an inch from death. every day, whip me. because i deserve it. I'll never accomplish this... I'M SORRY FOR WHAT I AM, OKAY?!?!?!?!?!?! i'm fucking sorry... *cries*...i wish i were different. my morals...my fucking morals... they hold me back. like drizzt. he swore he would never kill another drow. now he can't kill drow, no matter how hard he tries. I swore i would die a virgin. now i will. goody. tori was right. i know she was. how can i possibly expect to find a lover if i sacrificed a crucial part of love: intimacy? so fuck it. fuck love. fuck it all. I JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE. I HATE YOU KALIE!!!!!! I'll never loved you. i never did. so give it up. i don't know why i did what i did so don't ask. I was once the hunted, but now i'm the hunter. I am the monster now. fear me now. fear me, for i am hatred in it's purest form. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! i...hate...me....-cries-
22 Comments |
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Aaron
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2004 23 July :: 2.58am
:: Mood: enfuriated/soothed
Suck and suck like a little parasite. drinking my blood and more flesh goes with every bite.
dear god what have I done...what am I? what is this primal fury I feel? she puts out the fire that burns, and replaces it with the twinkle of stars... look me in the eyes.... you'll know the difference from when she's with me and when she's not.
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Aaron
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2004 23 July :: 12.52am
Paul Reed Smith
I'm pretty tired really. I'm supposed to go to marks biirthday party tomorrow. my parents want me to go boating with them but I don't know... OH MY FUCKING GOD. MONDAY!!! FUCKING MONDAY!!! that's three more days!!! Then it shall be mine!!! mwahahaha!!!!
I'm getting a PRS!
I'm getting a PRS!
I'm getting A PRS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's red and its shiny and it has a five way rotery switch (Ewww....those suck....but with some brains and the help of a soddering iron I should be able to make it a three way with a tap!)
any who...yeah...I'm excited.
1 Comment |
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shalee
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2004 11 July :: 11.08pm
This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible.
This was terrible with raisins in it.
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Aaron
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2004 15 June :: 3.08pm
Angel's killing...blood is filling...the void in me...where you used to be...
I can't remember what that's from... I like it though
9 Comments |
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Aaron
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2004 15 June :: 12.31pm
We barely remember who or what came before this precious moment,
We are choosing to be here right now. Hold on, stay inside
This holy reality, this holy experience.
Choosing to be here in
This body. This body holding me. Be my reminder here that I am not alone in
This body, this body holding me, feeling eternal
All this pain is an illusion.
Alive, I
In this holy reality, in this holy experience. Choosing to be here in
This body. This body holding me. Be my reminder here that I am not alone in
This body, this body holding me, feeling eternal
All this pain is an illusion.
Twirling round with this familiar parable.
Spinning, weaving round each new experience.
Recognize this as a holy gift and celebrate this chance to be alive and breathing.
This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality.
Embrace this moment. Remember. We are eternal.
All this pain is an illusion.
I feel it again... all that weight... I need to shoot something... be right back.
1 Comment |
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Aaron
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2004 15 June :: 12.30pm
I just got my ass kicked playing metroid prime...damn.
1 Comment |
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