xonixieox
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2004 14 October :: 10.20pm
ya so i changed my journal again! lol i have no life..
yea so my birthday is in 6 days.. im excited! but i dont think i get to go get my permit becasue my dads gay.. he sed i have to wait a month becasue i got sdetention.. well fuck that shit!
ya so we had little child practice..
bill and dj want us to go to some hell's gates tomorrow.. but im madd scared of the dark.. its probobly gunna be me, manda, britt, keri, bill, nick, and dj.. but i dont really wanna go cuz im terified of the fucking dark! lmao! i guess im gunna have to get over it soon! ok thats all for now cuz im getting ready for bed!
-Nik
xX.Inspiration.Xx
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xoxchubbyxox
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2004 13 October :: 9.08pm
:: Music: poison
hmm
havent updated in a bit of a while...its weird, the feelings i am experiencing now seem somewhat familiar...but i cant remember where ive felt them before.
whatever, the days go by...and i can get through them now pretty easily...and im happy about that. i always think though, about how much happier i could be if i were still at nhs. those thoughts are pointless though, i know.
maybe everything will work itself out. maybe everything happens for a reason. maybe, just once, everything is going to be ok.
3 Xx.Will.Be.My.xXxX |
xX.Inspiration.Xx
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krazykelc1
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2004 12 October :: 9.02am
:: Mood: baddd day
:: Music: stupid noisey freshman class
today is the worst day I've had all year :-)
yeah well today started off bad and just keeps getting worse. I'm in the computer lab right now with Lizzy. It's the first time I've talked to her in a long time..
Anyways, I hate when I find out my friends lie to me.. it's probly the worst thing they can do. And especially when they lie because they're trying to hide something that a friend wouldn't usually do in the first place.. Whatever, I don't have the patience right now to talk to you so when you read this I want you to know I give up and you can just have him ok....
I dont get you, you wanted me to move on & be happy and now you're contradicting that..??
xX.Inspiration.Xx
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xonixieox
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2004 11 October :: 3.28pm
:: Music: monica x for you i will
last night!
ok so last night was maddd fun! well lets see it was like 7 00 last night ans i was in my pj's watching a movie when when amanda called! ya so then i went to her house to sleep over..
we were bored...
so sinse we were bored we decided to call my brother ... who was out with bill.. so they came to pick us up at like 8 00 or 8 30...
then we drove all the way to malborough to bills restaraunt and noone was there so we "broke in" me and amanda made ice cream and bill made dj and my brother omlets and then we ate and talked!
after that we went to amanda's daddys house for a visit at like 9 45... and i saw the 2 week old kittens.. i waant the black one soooooooooooooooo bad! ok so anyways...
then we started to go home and bill decided to show us the best "makout spot"... so we drive 10 mins up the windyst dirt roaduntil we like reached a tower.. then we went to go climb the tower.. we ran like 30 feet up this path/road until we got to the tower.. then i looked around and was like why are there lights there.. amanda sed cuz theres a car.. so bill like freaks outr and was like WE HAVE TO GO!! so my brother goes i think its a cop...
so we sprint down to the car and bill like miksses the knob.. so he unlocks the doors but amanda wont open.. and by this time the car was like DIRECTLY behind us and amanda was freaking out and dj was trying to help her.. then we get into the car anhd the other car starts to back down the hill.. so we go to leave and then we see it like parked hidden away.. so bill being a psycho that he is.. he puts sierens on the radio and stops right next to the random freak ni the van... so dj rools down the window and me and amanda are like what if its an undercover cop or sometihng who got your plates.. so needless to say bill started FLYING down the dirt road.. we bottomed out like 4 times in his car too.. we al thought we were gunna shit our fucking pants! it was actually a pretty amazing and funny ass night!
ok then we went back to amandas.. tried to do out hw and then went to bed..
then we went to the mall this morning and tried on dresses and had lunch at johnny rockets!
thats all
-Nik
1 Xx.Will.Be.My.xX |
xX.Inspiration.Xx
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krazykelc1
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2004 11 October :: 3.35pm
:: Music: Crossfade ` Cold
NeW LaYouT...
comment.
2 Xx.Will.Be.My.xXxX |
xX.Inspiration.Xx
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krazykelc1
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2004 11 October :: 12.14pm
:: Music: Juvenile `Nolia clap
Last night when me and katie smoked I thought about alot of stuff...
and I decided I'm just gonna quit. I've said this like 394723 times but I know it's the only way to let go of my past.. and move on.. I just need to stop everything I've been doing since the Summer of '03.. and just move on.. it was fun while it lasted but alot of the memories I keep are just haunting my future.. and the only way to let go of them is to move onto something new.. and make new memories.
So good-bye to everything.. hopefully October 31st will be a nice final episode
xX.Inspiration.Xx
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xonixieox
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2004 10 October :: 8.16am
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: kenny chesney x when the sun goes down
so ya... i talked to becca andwe're okay now.. im really excited for my party and ...and how much fun its hopefully gunna be..
well my little c team is going to competition onsaturday so im excited for them!...
ok so last night was their game and amanda was there.. so ya.. the mentally challaged kid got hurt who always sings with jay.. and so the ambulence came.. so of course our nosey-ness had to go investigate.. but wen amanda saw the ambulence she just broke down... it was horrible.. so we were both just sitting there crying randomly and no one knew why... and i love amanda sooo much and she needed to cry.. its not a bad thing.. like some people were like ohh why the fuck is she crying.. why are you guys crying ... but they dont understand what losing someone you loved that much was like... she just kept saying she misses gene.. and that she loves him so much.. i couldnt even handle watching her cry..
im kinda dreading the memorial service becasue if seeing one little ambulence can causer that.. im not gunna stop crying during the whole memorial service!
on a lighter note..
MY BIRTHDAY IS IN 10 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!
ya so i think i might have a CRUSH on someone.. but im not sure yet...
:)
-NikkiE
P.S. Gene i love you.. your forever in my heart!
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krazykelc1
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2004 9 October :: 6.29pm
:: Mood: not sure
:: Music: none
Havent updated in a while..
hmm yeah well I havent updated in a while.
I just got home from work, my feet hurt.
anyways tonight I get to hang out with my favoritest people ever :-) my babyboy got mad at me today cause I said something I shouldn't have said.. :-[ but were ok now I think so thats good
peace =)
1 Xx.Will.Be.My.xX |
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xonixieox
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2004 7 October :: 5.20pm
ok ya so im mad at becca becasue lately everytime i try to talk to her she only wants to talke about andy or she has to go.. like she doesnt pay attention to her friends problems.. but only hers.. but whatever becasue we never tlked anymore anyways.. i wisht it went back to the way things were in 8th grade!
ya so i told becca this and she like blamed me :'( so i guess im done with that cuz i dont even nkow what to do.. its funny how i can cry over a person i havnt seen in at least the past month.. like.. i doubt she gunna come to my party.. even though she knows i still love her.. its just im going through some bad times lately and i need someone to talk to.. and i want it to be her.. but it wont be.. becasue she always goes away when i try to talk to her.. so i dont know what im gunna do.. im just realyl upset.. i dont want to lose her becasue i love her i have just been really upset and depressed lately.. like i've never felt that i actually wanted to doe.. or kill myself but i have been thinking that alot lately.. like more than yuo could imagine.. and i have tried so hard for the last 2 days especially to smile but i cant... i just cant fake it any more..
i really want to die rigfht now.. i hope this feeling will go away :'(
-Nik
1 Xx.Will.Be.My.xX |
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xonixieox
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2004 6 October :: 6.40am
i kist fucking love how people have to change everything.. like if something is going good then it has to be stoped or changed.. now whoevers reading this (if thats anyone) its about more than one thing so dont fucking take it all personally.. although it is also about what oyu think..
ok so i had my first appointment and i think it helped.. except when i got home my parents decided to be fucking assholes!
ya so bean is officially gone becasue PEOPLE decided to fucking change it and add more people without yalking to the actual BEAN! so fuck that shit im done with it.. so now you can change it to beasack.. cuz i dont wanna be a part of that shit.. im done.. ijust fucking done.. there was really no piont of bean in the first place.. the B in it was never even around.. we never talked any more.. so i guess there was actually no point in it...
gr that just fucking pisses me off.. that it ws like "soooo important" and then i got to be changed for shit.. like we all get along right?? FUCK THAT!! wow its funny how gay some people can be GRRRR!!!
ahhhh im so fucking pissed
bye
xX.Inspiration.Xx
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xoxchubbyxox
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2004 5 October :: 10.04pm
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: ice ice baby lol!
better mood
well things seem to get progessively better as my time in this place continues :-/ i hate adjustments!
ive made new friends...sort of...lol. rite now im just hopin it will all get better from here...
on the brite side i actually sit somewhere at lunch...whoa! rite ahaha. i miss u guys so much...i cant wait till the 23rd! except i have no idea wat to get u nikkie! >:O esp after hearing about some of the other gifts.....maybe dougs?? lol!!
well id appreciate a comment from u assholes ...byebye :0)
3 Xx.Will.Be.My.xXxX |
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jus4fun06
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2004 4 October :: 9.22pm
she is fed up with havin a boyfriend.
screw guys
they suck
balls~
3 Xx.Will.Be.My.xXxX |
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krazykelc1
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2004 4 October :: 8.11pm
:: Mood: good
:: Music: lloyd banks `karma
'good day
well today was good, don't know why but yeah
fyi I'm using SweetNostalgic for my cell now and this for regular AIM..
yeah thats it. Half day tomorrow =) yay
any ideas on what I should be for Halloween? :o)
xX.Inspiration.Xx
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xonixieox
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2004 3 October :: 8.45pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: Breakaway x Kelly Vlarkson
ok so yesterday we all got caught for drinking up on da hill.....
suprisingly my brother and my cousins blamed themselves.. and not me or any of my friends...
so i was like mom dj ius just covering up for all of his friends.. so hopefully they believe me..
ya so we had to clean up all the empties.. and let me tell you there was ALOT of empties!
ya so i felt bad cuz we all got yelled at and my dad asked me who's alcohol it was and i REFUSED to tell him...
so i bought my brother a shot glass that i got engraved from things remembered.. kinda ironic tho huh? lol!
ya so we found a new spot!!!
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
ok so anyways i had a little fun on friday night.. but that was the most fun i've had in a really really long time.. and that was under the influence of alcohol!! so ya i dont know what to do about my life...
-Nik
2 Xx.Will.Be.My.xXxX |
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krazykelc1
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2004 3 October :: 8.12pm
:: Mood: just one of those moods
:: Music: Do or Die ft. Twista `Do U -favorite song of all time
Something's gotta give
can't understand how people front happiness and a smile then turn around and talk of how their hearts are shattered and broken
"I am the weakest link"
no matter how hard I try I just can't move on.. everyone around me can do it but nope not I. one day "I fucking hate him" the next day I can't deny it, I love him
every time I pick myself up and start to walk something just pushes me back down. then there's my crazy stoned thoughts that turn my A+ effort into nothing.. there's always some obstacle in my way that I'm just too weak to fight. It's gonna take something extreme to pick me up and let me live my life again.. I only hope I have enough patience to wait for something like that to come along.
xX.Inspiration.Xx
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xoxchubbyxox
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2004 2 October :: 11.30pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: white houses
...
well i guess i should update. i never know what to say, i mean, im feeling so much, but its nothing new.
i think ive figured out that if i had stayed in natick, i may have been just as unhappy eventually, i guess its just happened quicker. i miss all of you, everyone, everything...but why? you dont give a fuck about me, dont bother telling me otherwise, as if you would.
memories, they aere all i have left, and the only thing i have is what i have to question.
i always wondered how people REALLY felt, i told myself, they told me, that they were real and genuine when i ever questioned it. and i just cant figure out why. why if they were only going to do this in the end.
i tell myself that i am better than that, but am i? maybe i would have done the same. ill try and remember how badly it hurt. use it to be better to people in the future.
what did i do? what is wrong with me to make this happen. it has to be me because i thought you were such good people.
i have to change, or else this wil happen again, and therew ill be no way out.
what did i do to make you hurt me.
1 Xx.Will.Be.My.xX |
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krazykelc1
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2004 2 October :: 11.28pm
:: Mood: quiet
:: Music: After Midnight
shit talker(s), you know who you are..
make sure you read my 8th comment cause obviously what I do is of some importance to you.. so that is for you to read.
I decided I'm a very confused person. Actually I'm alot of lots of things.. just confused at this point. Seems like I've come to a point where I have so many options that I don't know which way to go.. I've sort of dug myself into something that I'm not sure if I want yet.. but that's part of moving on I guess, opening doors for yourself.. seems like I have too many open now.
that was alot of garbage that half the people who read this WON'T understand but comment if you think you know, I'll give you a cookie
1 Xx.Will.Be.My.xX |
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jus4fun06
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2004 2 October :: 1.07am
[{whispers a secret}] --- [{she is afaid of wangs}]
she eats all the cookies with the bitterness of regret on her tounge. she was such a bad girl tonight. was that even her she asks? the pictures dont lie. she is so torn. will guys ever care more about her than her body? is there more to life than sex? she was so happy for a lil. he imed her and ruined it. there is still hope. maybe.
she just wants someone to hold her in their arms.
xX.Inspiration.Xx
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krazykelc1
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2004 1 October :: 11.29pm
:: Mood: ripped
:: Music: Bone Crusher ` Grippen the Grain
that feeling always comes back..always :-/
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cocopuff
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2004 30 September :: 10.52pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: Led Zeppelin- "Fool in the Rain"
BOO!
Well there’s a light in your eye that keeps shining
Like a star that can’t wait for the night
I hate to think I’ve been blinded baby
Why can’t I see you tonight?
And the warmth of your smile starts a-burnin’
And the thrill of your touch gives me fright
And I’m shaking so much, really yearning
Why don’t you show up, make it all right?
Yeah, it’s all right.
And if you promised you’d love so completely
And you said you would always be true
You swore that you would never leave me, baby:
What ever happened to you?
And you thought it was only in movies
As you wish all your dreams would come true
It ain’t the first time believe me, baby
I’m standin here feeling blue
Yeah I’m blue
Now I will stand in the rain on the corner
I’ll watch the people go shuffling downtown
Another ten minutes no longer
And then I’m turning around
The clock on the wall’s moving slower
My heart it sinks to the ground
And the storm that I thought would blow over
Clouds the light of the love that I found
Now my body is starting to quiver
And the palms of my hands getting wet
I’ve got no reason to doubt you baby,
It’s all a terrible mess
I’ll run in the rain till I’m breathless
When I’m breathless I’ll run till I drop, hey
The thoughts of a fool’s kind of careless
I’m just a fool waiting on the wrong block, oh yeah
Light of the love that I found...
i love the mounth of october.. its my fav mounth... mostyl cuz i lvoe fall.. but cuz i love halloween.. and this year halloween is gonna b sooo good....10 days till icp, 30 till fright fest... im soo excited!!!
yea thats my borign randomness for the night i need sleep :-P
xX.Inspiration.Xx
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