there's gotta be more to life than chasin down every temporary high ...
people must be having great times tonight. cuz NO ONE is online. and what am i doing? i'm sitting at home being bored, not talking to anyone. it's soooo weird being home at 10:30 on friday. =\ i have no company. today i babysat and cleaned the house. then tonight we went to ft lauderdale to eat dinner and came home and that was it. *there's gotta be more to life than chasin down every temporary high to satisfy me.* isnt that how life is? that's how i think my life is. everyone else must feel that way too, right? my day was so uneventful that this entry's lyrics are as long as like what i actually wrote.

BLAH! i need to be able to drive.
*do you ever feel so deep, that you speak your mind to put others straight to sleep? you wonder if anybody cares. sometimes i think i'm the only one whose day turned out unlike it had begun. and i feel barenaked and i just cant take it. i'm gettin jaded, no i just can't fake it anymore. cuz i'm barenaked and i know life's what you make it. wish i could float away to some other day.*

ugh.
man i wrote this long ass entry and i closed it. UGH. and i wrote so much and all my feelings.

PnAiMySteRiUz27 (11:29:01 PM): why do u say that?
FallenNGAngel (11:29:23 PM): its a feeling.
PnAiMySteRiUz27 (11:29:33 PM): just a feeling?
FallenNGAngel (11:29:36 PM): jealousy will drive you mad.
PnAiMySteRiUz27 (11:29:39 PM): i thought u didn't care about it anymore
PnAiMySteRiUz27 (11:29:47 PM): exactly!
PnAiMySteRiUz27 (11:29:50 PM): i concurr!
FallenNGAngel (11:30:04 PM): i dont actively... im more passive or at least i have been
FallenNGAngel (11:30:12 PM): but but
PnAiMySteRiUz27 (11:30:14 PM): i know i know.
FallenNGAngel (11:30:15 PM): i dunno.
FallenNGAngel (11:30:23 PM): its like really empty inside lately
PnAiMySteRiUz27 (11:30:35 PM): wow.

FallenNGAngel (11:30:35 PM): =(
FallenNGAngel (11:30:37 PM): *shrug*
KatanaDragon77 (11:30:49 PM): why sad?
FallenNGAngel (11:31:08 PM): i dunno... i've been kinda empty inside lately
FallenNGAngel (11:31:19 PM): and it results in reoccuring feelings i dont want
KatanaDragon77 (11:31:42 PM): whoa......
KatanaDragon77 (11:31:55 PM): U know why?
FallenNGAngel (11:31:59 PM): why
FallenNGAngel (11:32:02 PM): i dunno
FallenNGAngel (11:32:04 PM): i want
FallenNGAngel (11:32:07 PM): i dunno
KatanaDragon77 (11:32:11 PM): Tell me
FallenNGAngel (11:32:16 PM): i guess... its because feeling pain is better than feeling nothing
FallenNGAngel (11:32:30 PM): and yesterday i felt the nothingness overcome me and i was just like idk
FallenNGAngel (11:32:40 PM): and so now today i'm like thinking about things and im going back
KatanaDragon77 (11:33:07 PM): yeah I've done that.
KatanaDragon77 (11:33:10 PM): Its not good
KatanaDragon77 (11:33:19 PM): You should like think about cool things
FallenNGAngel (11:33:37 PM): ... =\
KatanaDragon77 (11:33:40 PM): Well like i dont know for you but. To make me happy is like driving fast or dancing.
KatanaDragon77 (11:33:41 PM): something..

PnAiMySteRiUz27 (11:39:13 PM): you're not dead inside.
PnAiMySteRiUz27 (11:39:20 PM): something's blossoming in there..
FallenNGAngel (11:39:22 PM): i was...
PnAiMySteRiUz27 (11:39:24 PM): it's just not ready yet...
FallenNGAngel (11:39:31 PM): but being dead is so
FallenNGAngel (11:39:34 PM): so bland
PnAiMySteRiUz27 (11:39:39 PM): yah.
FallenNGAngel (11:39:42 PM): i cant help but force myself to feel something.
PnAiMySteRiUz27 (11:39:58 PM): don't force.

so what is this all about? man i have to explain it ALL over again. i dunno. now i'm tired and i'm hot and i really dont want to explain it. bottom line? he doesn't like me... i've always known that. and i accepted it. i was fine these past few weeks. i was like so proud of myself too. but something happened? maybe it's the breeze coming in. bbut the nothingness inside i guess forces me to want to feel something, anything. it's like i will sacrifice my heart for some feeling, even if it's pain. what the hell is wrong with me? i need someone deserving of my love. sigh. it's just all wrong. it's all wrong and i can't stand it. do you know what i'm even talking about? some of you do. danielle? [who, btw, looked sooooooo extremely sexy in her homecoming dress after i did her makeup.] sigh. i dunno what i'm supposed to do with myself. jealousy will drive you mad. i dont have the right to be jealous and i dont have the right to expect him to cater to my will... but. i just don't... i mean. how can i fight these feelings? i can't. i keep going back to them whenever i need to feel something. llife and love is a bitch.

greta found some great icons for me... here are some phrases from them:
"how does it feel to know i still want you?"
"hugs needed... feeling grumpy?"
"i can't help feeling dead inside."
"even the beautiful bleed."

and now i'll go off to dream ... for that's the only place i can fly.

bored bored bored bored
la la la la. listening to him just talk and talk and talk. it is very boring. i have an A in the class! woot woot. i love it. thank god this 9 weeks is OVER. heather and i just chillin....

<3hot, drop, kaboom<3

go outside.
altan told me to go outside and i did. and ya know why? it was chill. i did my music video. sigh. i feel better. the cool air against the bare skin is perfect. i hope it stays this way.

<3 sigh <3

*if tomorrow never comes, i would do it all again*
danielle this is what i was humming when we walked to the bus.

this just made my day a little brighter-
FallenNGAngel: i'm just so loved.
KaritTop13: you have no idea.

what is today? today is like nothing. i had a quiz in chem. english was boooooooring. joey wouldnt stop asking me to go to homecoming with adam. thats so sad. i had a test in spanish, which was easy, idk how so many people took all period for it. art history was a test. *shrug* i dunno.

i don't understand how i feel right now. i can't say i feel torn. i can't say anything. i'm just in that silent thinking mood. i can't... i just can't. the strong emotions tire me out. i'm so happy the first nine weeks are over. sigh. there's just no words to describe how i feel. i want to go to sleep. but then i feel like staying awake and just thinking about things. i feel like i want it to be winter. with the breeze blowing in my hair, i could walk alone in peace. i feel like i want to be in one of those videos of like a slow song and i'll be walking in slow motion and singing softly to myself. that's what i want to do. if only i could. i just want to be with myself. because ya know what happens when other people get involved with my moods? i just get moodier. so i guess... goodbye.

ya know how "globes and maps" is how i think he'd be like if something happened? this is how i would be [or already am]...
*hold me now. stop the morning light from breaking. something's coming over me. don't know what it is i'm saving. the clock ticks by and it just might change everything. if i don't give you all that's waiting, who knows what tomorrow will bring? if i try not to need you, i'd be hiding from myself. if tomorrow never comes, i would do it all again. if the light never breaks through, i would stay until the end. if i've saved it all for you, i would have my faith again. and then... i would know it's you. won't shed a tear for more than just a moment. try not to let myself go crazy. tomorrow may not come so i won't hold you here, unless you want to fight about it. i will gladly let you in, cuz i don't need to write this ending. if i just trust the stillness, somehow it won't hurt so bad.*

you know how we do...
so many things to say and such little time to say it. i guess i'll just take a stab at trying to remember these past three days. bear with me, people...

friday:
in school, it was a pretty alright day. the fact it was friday just made things better. the precal test... didnt make things better, but it's over now so i'm just like whatever. i went home and just relaxed. i talked to altan on the phone and after dealing with greta's INDECISIVENESS, she came over to chill. i played a lil guitar for her. yep yep. we had some nice bonding time. it was weird, i'm so comfortable having her in my home, and she seemed so comfortable talking to my parents. after dinner we had a nice little talk. and then we went to watch center stage, which greta had never seen before. it was good, but we didn't get to finish it cuz we went to see "intolerable cruelty" in the theatres. i like that movie a lot. it was just what i needed. like it was entertaining, seemed longer than it actually was, but in a good way. the way george clooney and catherine zeta jones were ... it was just great. and a happy ending. *rips up the macey prenup*. hee hee. then we took g-dawg home and i went to beddy bye.

saturday
whoooo... where to start? man i woke up at 7 in the morning. we left at 8 to go to gainesville to see my dear older brother at UF. in the car... i did thinking and homework. i didn't think negative thoughts though, so it's all good. i had a lot of relaxing. and i drove for like a little while, but my mom got sooooo bitchy and complained that i weaved in and out and wasn't smooth so she made me pull over and she drove. ugh. you had to be there. i was so pissed. but i got over it. so we picked up andrew and had a family day. my family is great... so many "you had to be there" moments, ya know? the only conversation i remember is how andrew said none of his friends like spending time with their family. many laughs. ah, memories. i love them. my mom and i of course went shopping. we only bought stuff in aeropostale though. if only they had that store down here! it's so cheap, and it's like american eagle.

we ate korean bbq... twas very gooood. danielle wouldve loved being there cuz the cute asian boys. hehe. anyways. then my brother and i went to one movie theatre to see KILL BILL and my mother and my dad went to the other movie theatre to see intolerable cruelty. KILL BILL was great. so awesome. i dunno if YOU saw it, but i liked almost every aspect of it. it was funny, action packed, and artistic. that's what you get from quentin tarantino! my brother complained about the absence of guns, but i kept saying samurai swords are more artistic and aesthetically pleasing ... and the fights last longer that way. uma thurman was associated with the color yellow a lot. there was a lot of blood. i think my favorite part was the anime part. if you saw it, you'd know what i was talking about. even though there was a lot of gore and blood, it was good. i bet you my brother will buy the soundtrack. i can hear the music playing in my head now... there are some great lines in that movie. you must see it!

sunday
so we woke up, ate breakfast, and chilled out. remember that short asian dude at my sweet sixteen? yeah, his name is anh. we went to see him, cuz he just moved into his condo in gainesville. then we went with him to eat at las margaritas. good food. then we said our goodbyes and headed home. i did not drive at ALL this time. i just did some more homework. and i took that PSAT packet pre-test thingy. i did pretty good. for some strange reason, i did better on verbal. and i hate those writing skills, but i still good on it. so i am not worried about the psats anymore. *shrug*

alright, so while i was gone, everyone's lives went on. not that i expected them to stop, but i came home and i find like EVERYone has changed their journal format. geez!! i was like damn i'm behind. and people did stuff... i see how it is. i guess i'm not that important to people, huh?! ... just kidding. i'm glad everyone had fun without me. =) i missed you all. lots of love... <3 maybe i'll change my format tonight.

edit- addition.
man i feel real fat lately. =( things dont look good on me anymore. and i hate it. UGH.

hmmmmmm.
man, i'm watching "lucky 7" on family channel. so sweet and romantic. and it's like... almost reminiscent of unrequited love, and i know all about that! i love it. like... why can't love ever be like how it is in the movies? SO perfect?! maybe it will be one day. maybe it only happens with your one true love. who knows. i guess you just have to live life, and what's meant to be, will be.

so today. it was alright i guess. ummm. man in govt that substitute... god i hated her. we watched "thirteen days" and the movie was getting more exciting towards the last half, but she wouldn't let us freaking do ANYTHING. she's like no note writing! no doing your homework. no reading. keep your head up! grrrrrrrrrrrr. and i left the class with a stomach ache. it was a weird stomach ache, dissimilar to cramps. so i didnt eat lunch. i was hungry later but oh well. art was another unproductive [inproductive?... hmm.] day. i refined my still life just the SLIGHTEST bit cuz personally, i was sick just looking at it. so i wandered around aimlessly watching the myps prep for their new project. then we went to precal. i loved it. it was like just a review before the test for fri and we got to have like a buncha free time. twas funny. patrick: whoooa altan. haha ashley knows what i'm saying.... we should've guessed. i did actually. lol. so my day was alright. the bus was incredibly hot.

this weekend i'm going to gainesville. man. i'm gonna get some much needed sleep on the drive up. but then ya know what that leads to? it leads to thinking. and thinking is quite bad if you're just watching the scenery go by and listening to music about love and singing in your head and just thinking. it's just bad for the heart. i hope i don't get like majorly depressed. i wish i could stay home this weekend and go to bryans party but i just cant make my parents postpone again. ashley said i should go with her and amy to town center this weekend to find homecoming dresses... but NO! i cant. i hope i can find a good one. i have a new dress from charlotte russe which my mom says is perfect, but it just doesnt FEEL perfect. i want that dress from rampage MAN! if anyone sees it on sale this weekend... BUY it for me and i'll pay u back. but u wont know what it looks like so =\. its like black with like tan and beige flowers all over and it scrunches on one side and its spaghetti strap and is tight but then has like a flowy bottom. it reminds me of like... a spanish dancing type dress. i've wanted it for like FIVE months and it hasnt gone on sale. how craaaaaaaaaaaazy is that?

anyways. i'm done babbling for the day.

and if you have to leave, i wish that you would just leave.
i should be doing homework. instead i'm drowning in the music... sigh...

i'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears.
and if you have to leave, i wish that you would just leave.
cuz your presence still lingers here,
and it wont leave me alone.

these wounds wont seem to heal.
this pain is just to real.
there's just too much that time cannot erase.

when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears.
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears.
i held your hand through all of these years.
but you still have all of me.

you used to captivate me by your resonating light.
now i'm bound by the life you left behind.
your face, it haunts my once pleasant dreams.
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me.

i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone.
but though you're still with me,

i've been alone all along.


i like these things.... thanks jeanette.

Your rockstar husband by girl_rotten
Username
Husband	Kris Roe of The Ataris
Wedding Day	January 26, 2022
Number of Kids	1
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

Afterlife as an Angel by childdoll
Your Name
Astrological Sign
Angel Type	Fallen Angel
Wing Color	White with silver tips
Heavenly Weapon	Ability to bless or curse
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

Become a God or Goddess. by zerogirl
Name:
God/Goddess of	Darkness
Element:	Ice
Animal Companion:	Fox
Weak against	Water
Weapon:	Cutlass
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

Your Life: The Movie by mintyduck
Who will play you:	Shannen Doherty
Who will play your love interest:	Kevin Spacey
Weeks you will stay in the box office:	23
Song that will play during your love scene:	Poe - Angry Johnny
Song that will play during your death:	Lynyrd Skynyrd - Freebird
Your name:
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

What Are You Most Likely to Utter During Sex by UMAJohnnie
Name
Sexuality
Age
Most Likely to Say	"Hey... where ya going?"
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

Your Years at Hogwarts by nevermindless
Name:
The Sorting Hat places you in:	Gryffindor (Red and Gold)
Subject you are naturally best at:	Charms
Your favorite book:	Dreadful Denizens of the Deeps
Pet you bring to school:	Tawny-browed Owl
You are most known for:	Mr. Filch actually likes you.
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

How Did You Cheat on Your Lover? by xLibraWhorex
Name:
Who was your official lover?	David DeRosiers
Who did you cheat on him/her with?	Wade Robson
Where?	Britney Spears' bed
How many times?	602
For how much $?	$50
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

i love those things.

i struggle to get myself up again.
boy my day was like totally pointless. i really really really did nothing. i just hung around... watched tv... and i helped my parents. thats it. really. i spent most of the night like 8-11 watching tv. all the tv i watched tonight was sweet. all the hugs, the kisses, the vows of love. sigh. yes it's one of those nights. but ya know what? i'm not gonna be depressed about it. i am fine. i just want to be with someone right now. like i was watching movies alone in my room and i was lying in bed... just wishing that there was someone there i could hold onto. it's a weird feeling.

cuz... i wanted to be alone. and i dont know why. i needed someone but i was alone. i was so tempted to just fall asleep and live in the dreamworld. i'm so confused. so so so confused. and i was watching that movie, i forgot the name of it. with richard gere and wynona rider? when she died. i thought how it would be if i died... *shrug*. it's not a healthy thought, but i had nothing better to think about. i have no one to think about. i lie there wanting someone but there's no one to want. and i feel like there's nothing for me. cuz there isn't. i want to want someone... but there's just nothing. it's all emptiness. and blank stares. and i drift out to space... to be alone.

*tear*

dammit, i cant stop listening to it!!
so. i haven't written in a few days. idk writing in woohu seems to be such a hassle now but like whenever i actually go and do it, i just seem to write and write. *shrug* i guess i'm weird like that. like all of us. so in the past few days, i've had much fun. considering that they were school days. things at school are just like stable and it feels all fine. i havent had an emotional outburst in like 2 weeks =) i know danielle is proud of me!

so last night danielle and i had our usual fun. you can read the basics in her journal. i'll tell ya some more details. target... love that store.

danielle: these are christmas lights... right?

=D. idk why i remember things like that. she looked SO funny in the mask. soooooooo funny. better luck tomorrow dvd wasn't there so we couldn't buy it. otherwise we couldve just gone home and watched it since cabin fever sucked. anyone who likes that movie is seriously messed up. i mean.... the sex and the blood and the grossness and the ignorance and stupidity. those kids deserved to die. they are the stereotypical annoying teenagers. they say fuck like three times every sentence. ugh. and seeing those boca girls.... its sickening.

i need a new friend. everyone has like new friends this year. and at dinner i was like "i want a new friend..." and danielle said everyone knows me already. *shrug* hmmm. i <3 my parents. i love my mom laughing at her own jokes. it was sooooo funny.

talking about stick shift
my mom: you have to shift a lot of things at once.
danielle: it takes coordination
me: yeah it would be good for you to be learning stick shift and the drums at the same time.
my mom: at the same time?!? hahahahahahahahaha.

so things are pretty good. i think i think about things too much. especially listening to this song. i want a boyfriend like REALLY but then i don't. i just still feel like i miss just having someone there. and luan, being the loyal boy he is, was always there to comfort me. *i wanna feel you breathe me*. feeling someone just like breathing next to you is a great feeling. and sometimes ... i just. yeah you know what i'm talking about. all you single girls know what i'm talking about. i wish we could all have boyfriends for the holidays/winter time. wouldnt that be great? we'd all be so happy and in love. i don't think that'll ever happen with me though. there's no one for me to love. no one is even my "eye candy". yes, alan is hot, and brandon is hot, and i still think chad is cute... but eh? i'm sorta like... who cares. and sometimes, it's just so tempting to go back into that "crushing and in love" mood but i know how hurt i feel when i do it. so i can't. but .... if only you knew the temptation. =\. sometimes i feel like i'm being used. and i'm not special. but... i guess i use him too. it's not a healthy friendship, is it? but he makes me happy. weirdly. i just can't like him. it's like i've forced myself to think i don't. it would just hurt. and he has a crush on someone so....

i will probably type this song EVERY time i write in here

*light breaks underneath a heavy door. and i try to keep myself awake. fall all around us on our hotel floor. and you think that you've made a mistake. and there's a pain in my stomach from another sleepless binge. and i struggle to get myself up again. i wanna hang onto something that wont break away or fall apart like the pieces of my heart.*

listening to me + d's cd...
i'm trying to get peaceful here. today was a good day... until it became bad. heh. rich knows what i'm talking about! naps are EVIL!! i fell asleep on the table in art. i woke up like a few minutes later and my body was like aching. and my head hurt. dont you hate those kinds of naps? i swear i will never ever take a nap again unless i'm gonna DIE if i dont. so i spent the rest of art pretending like i was doing something. i wasnt. precal didnt help... my mind was like blaaaaaaaaah. i had one of those sensitive headaches. ya know where like every single sound, smell, and sight makes your head throb? yeah, like i wanted to drive a knife into my head cuz it seems like it'd feel better that way. hmmm. i came home. ate. went to guitar. they were having a frustrating day today too. chris [the guy who works there] was like "its been a FUN day." heh. my guitar teacher offered to take me out to eat ice cream. but we didnt. but afterwards i got my weekly mcdonalds. and i took an advil when i came home but my head still hurts a little. i hate it cuz everytime i have a headache, the strong smell of my moms cooking always makes my head hurt even more. but it's ok. i'm ok. no need to worry about me. i'm doing just fine. how was everyone else's day?

this song makes me think of that situation. and i can't help but cry.

*light breaks underneath a heavy door. and i try to keep myself awake. fall all around us on our hotel floor and you think that you've made a mistake. and there's a pain in my stomach from another sleepless binge. and i struggle to get myself up again. i wanna hang onto something that wont break away or fall apart like the pieces of my broken heart. and globes and maps are all around me now. i wanna feel you breathe me. globes and maps i see surround you here. why won't you believe me? globes and maps, they charter your way back home. do you want to leave or something? i know that i can't take this anymore. cuz i know someday i'll see you... out that door.*


You're Most Like The Season Autumn ...

You're warm, and the most approachable. You have
that gentle prescence about you. People can
relate to you, and find you easy company.
However it's likely you've been hurt in the
past and it has left you scarred so things can
become rather chilly with you at times. Being
the third Season in, you're mature, trustworthy
and loyal to your friends but prone to
depression and negative thinking.

Well done... You're the shy and sensitive season :)


?? Which Season Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla


! You are most like An Emerald !
Caring, giving, - and very emotional. You're the
person
people turn to with a problem. You worry about
everybody,
and genuinely want to help - a little too much
sometimes.
As an emerald, you tend to take a more backseat to
the other
gems, but your inner beauty soon captivates those
who take
the time to get to know you.
Congratulations ... You're the selfless gem
everybody needs as a friend.


?? Which Precious Gem Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla


Love


?? Which Angel Or Demon Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla


Mermaid


?? Which Creature Of The Sea Are You??
brought to you by Quizilla


Aphrodite/Eros


?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

i see you without me and i get lonely everytime.
if i were a month i would be: september
if i were a day of the week i would be: friday
if i were a time i would be: 9 PM
if i were a planet i would be: venus or mercury
if i were a sea animal i would be: a jellyfish. boo!
if i were a direction i would be: dirrrty south
if i were a piece of furniture i would be: - no comment -
if i were a sin i would be: jealousy/envy
if i were a historical figure i would be: cleopatra
if i were a liquid i would be: a caramel frap
if i were a tree, i would be: a cherry blossom
if i were a kind of weather, i would be: sun shower
if i were a musical instrument, i would be: customized acoustic guitar
if i were an animal, i would be: butterfly
if i were a color, i would be: baby blue
if i were a vegetable, i would be: celery
if i were a sound, i would be: rain pouring on my window
if i were an element, i would be: mercury or silver
if i were a car, i would be: a lexus...
if i were a song, i would be: "emotions" by destiny's child or "walk away" by christina aguilera
if i were a book, i would be written by: altan
if i were a food i would be: chocolate raisinets
if i were a place, i would be: the mall
if i were a taste, i would be: chicken soup on a cold cold day
if i were a scent, i would be: hot cocoa
if i were a word, i would be: espionage
if i were an object, i would be: skirt
if i were a body part i would be: hands
if i were a facial expression i would be: staring out into space
if i were a cartoon character i would be: sailor mars
if i were a shape i would be a: star
if i were a number i would be: 16

My inner child is sixteen years old!

Life's not fair! It's never been fair, but while
adults might just accept that, I know
something's gotta change. And it's gonna
change, just as soon as I become an adult and
get some power of my own.


How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla

i'm in love...
so anyways. my weekend has been so very nice. idk how i'm gonna describe everything.

friday:
we all went to city place. danielle and i walked in like arm in arm and people were like staring at us. hehe. they were just jealous cuz they know they couldn't have us. for some reason ashley t, ashley c, briana, and i wore white shirts and jeans. we looked like a girl group. =D. hee. ashley p came! i miss her. so we all split up. valerie and lexy went to pizza girls. and rest of us went to cheesecake factory. ashley c, jess, jimmy, john, and virgine went to one table. ashley t, danielle, briana, ashley p, and i went to another outside. it was such a nice and relaxing dinner. as danielle puts it, it was like a bunch of old friends meeting for dinner. when soooo many people meet at city place, you're bound to have a bunch of people come up to you. so anyways. we finally met matt. he's exactly how i expected to him to be which is.... idk. we didnt get to talk to him much. *shrug*. i dont have many details about that night memorized in my head unlike SOMEone... *cough VALERIE cough*

saturday:
went to eat at cracker barrel for lunch with mommy and danielle. then dropped off danielle and went shopping with mommy. my mommy and i have a real problem. 2 and a half hours was just not enough, but i had to get home and go to danielles. i got 7 new shirts. and a dress. i cant help it! i'm sorry! but all the preppy stores be having sales for fall. people who shop in AE- ya know those sheer cotton long sleeve tees? DO NOT buy the dark blue [with devil] one, the dark red one, the pink [with green print] one, and the dark green [with ecstasy on it] one. thank you. i got a hot dress from express... 20 bucks. there was the cutest purse to go with it but it was 46 bucks. oh well.

cameron jaymes, holland, bleach, and FIF:
great concert. different than i'm used to, but there's a first for everything. i still enjoyed it even though i was crushed a couple of times. i've been in worse. this cute guy came on first and was tuning his guitar and i said to ashley "that is sooooo hot", ya know watching a guy tune his guitar. that's just me. lol. and then he played and sung by himself. it was cameron jaymes. he didnt even have to sing. he started playing and I LOVED HIM. he's such a cutie. and then i heard him sing the lyrics and i loved him even more. i was in love [hence my subject]. holland rocks my world! lol. danielles cousin, megan was so cute. she was the biggest holland fan and they gave her her much deserved props. she was muy muy emocionada =D. holland and bleach were cool, music is great when it's in person. the people moshing weren't so great. and then when i was enjoying bleach, this crowdsurfer like lands on my head. my neck felt like broken after that, but it was ok. FIF was good... they were cute. no good can come from peanuts! the lead singer, reese, has the greatest expressions. they all have so much fun performing so therefore it is very fun listening. twas a great night. despite the hurting feet, the sweat [which i already showered off], and the dehydration... it was good. we got to meet cameron jaymes when we bought his demo cd. he shook my hand. and he noticed my new shirt from hollister. he said he loves hollister. and then i got a picture with him... i love him. lol. the ride home... haha. some guys followed us. you had to be there man. it was funny. soooooooo to sum it all up... i had fun.

*i thought i had it all. what else could i need? but then i saw you smiling at me. where do i go? who do i see? what do i have to do for you to notice me? when you walk by, it makes me wanna cry. i see you without me and i get lonely every time.*

sigh... no one to love. i'm just like blaaaaaaaaah. emotionless. and though heartbreak hurts, its nice to feel some sort of feelings. i guess i'm just living life. it'll all be ok. i love my friends. *SHRUG*.

in the end only kindness matters
*if i could tell the world just one thing, it would be that we're all ok. and not to worry cuz worry is wasteful and useless in times like these. i wont be made useless. i wont be idle with despair. i will gather myself around my faith. for light does the darkness most fear. my hands are small i know. but they're not yours, they are my own. and i am never broken. in the end... only kindness matters.*

today was a good day considering these days are usually soooo annoying. i came home... almost no homework. but i havent started what i do have to do. i ate some food and then i put on my peaceful mix and laid down. i was like in a light sleep and just listening to the music. it was nice. my mom woke me up like twice by calling to ask stuff. so then i woke up. that's ok though. i feel relaxed.

chem: heh. that class seems really long now everyday. idk why. patrick: i used to be spoiled til we got a dog. ha. that amused me.

govt: we kinda sorta pissed off mr.epstein. he showed us that thing on democracy in america and after like telling us to be quiet every now and then, he stopped it, turned on the lights and was like "ya know what? if you don't understand this, i'm going to force you to learn it. you will come to study hall and i will FORCE you to learn this text. and i will stand over your shoulder and make sure you know it. now either we do it that way, or we can do it the way i want to teach it." ... it was like scary. *shudder*

lunch: sameen! dont call them "po folk"! they'll hear us and beat our ass.

art: we did NOTHING in art. it was just like a big critique. but i guess it was alright. i accidently left my journal in the room. =\ oh well.

precal: hmmm a pretty hum drum day in precal. i did good on my test.

this jewel song... i want to dedicate it to ashley and sameen and everyone else too... because when i see all of you drowning in worry, i want to save you. i wish i could be your lifesaver. and when i cant, i'll yell out to you and make sure learn how to float. i'll always be here for you. and yes, my life is stressful too, but i know other people have it harder. and if you truly need me, i will be there. just always remember that. i love you all. <3333

second entry of the day.
WOW!!! i have two new favorite songs now. something corporate... and now this evanescence song... thanks for taking that quiz jeanette. i just found another slow mellow peaceful song to be at ease with. my song list for the mood:

something corporate - "globes and maps"
evanescence - "my immortal"
something corporate - "konstantine"
jewel - "hands"
lisa loeb - "stay" live
dashboard confessional - "carry this picture"
maroon 5 - "sweetest goodbye"

man i love this evanescence song.


My Immortal.

Your Lyrics

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along


What Evanescence song are you?
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